Review Your Life in 8 Phases
Zusammenfassung
TLDRLa vidéo discute de la notion d'ego dans le contexte psychanalytique, expliquant que contrairement à la conception courante de l'ego comme vanité ou égoïsme, il s'agit d'une partie essentielle de l'esprit qui gère les interactions avec la réalité. Le narcissisme et la psychopathie sont présentés comme des pathologies liées à un développement perturbé de l'ego, empêchant les individus d'établir des liens solides avec la réalité et avec autrui. Le travail d'Erik Erikson est également examiné en ce qui concerne les huit stades du développement psychosocial, soulignant l'impact d'une mauvaise parentalité sur la formation d'une identité saine. À travers chaque stade, les conséquences des échecs dans le développement sont discutées, particulièrement en ce qui concerne les narcissiques qui échouent à établir des relations intimes et significatives en raison d'une confiance centrale manquante et d'une vision déformée de la réalité.
Mitbringsel
- 🧠 L'ego est essentiel pour naviguer entre désirs et réalité.
- ⚠️ Le narcissisme résulte d'une déformation de l'ego.
- 🌱 Le développement sain de l'ego nécessite une bonne parentalité.
- 📖 Erik Erikson a formulé huit stades de développement.
- 🙈 Une mauvaise parentalité peut mener à un manque de confiance en soi.
- 🤝 L'intimité est difficile pour les individus narcissiques.
- 💔 Les narcissiques souffrent d'une identité fragmentée.
- 🎨 La créativité n'est pas seulement externe, elle vient de l'intégration interne.
- ⏳ Les échecs psychosociaux au début de la vie augmentent la rigidité identitaire.
- 🌍 La recherche de l'identité est un processus continu et évolutif.
Zeitleiste
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
Dans le langage courant, l'ego signifie simplement la vanité, l'égoïsme et le centrage sur soi. Cependant, dans la théorie psychanalytique, l'ego est une partie de l'esprit qui interagit avec la réalité et médiatise entre les désirs et la réalité. L'ego doit prévenir des conséquences néfastes et maintenir la sécurité de l'individu.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
Le narcisisme est un mécanisme de défense qui perturbe profondément la formation de l'ego, rendant impossible une perception réaliste de soi et du monde. Les narcissiques ne peuvent pas développer un ego mature car ils ne vivent pas pleinement, ne traversent pas les étapes nécessaires de la vie pour se développer psychologiquement.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
Erik Erikson a proposé que la vie se divise en huit étapes cruciales, chacune ayant un conflit psychosocial qui influence le développement de l'ego et de l'identité. Ces absent du développement complet de l'ego et de l'identité conduisent souvent à des troubles comme le narcissisme.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
Erikson a suggéré que l'ego doit passer par une série de phases de développement en fonction des interactions avec des figures parentales. Les expériences de ces premières interactions façonnent la confiance, l'autonomie et la capacité à initier des actions dans le monde.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
Les deux premières étapes de vie, la confiance de base contre la méfiance et l'autonomie contre la honte, sont fondamentales pour le développement d'un ego fonctionnel. Les mauvais schémas parentaux ici conduisent à un manque de confiance et d'autonomie chez l'individu.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:00
Dans la troisième étape, l'initiative contre la culpabilité est liée à la capacité à prendre des initiatives. Les enfants qui ont échoué doivent faire face à la culpabilité, ce qui inhibe leur croissance. Cela peut les mener à se retirer dans la fantaisie plutôt que d'interagir avec la réalité de manière saine.
- 00:30:00 - 00:35:00
Dans l'étape suivante, l'industrie contre l'infériorité, l'enfant apprend à se sentir productif. Une éducation médiocre peut engendrer un sentiment d'infériorité et créer des narcissiques qui se perçoivent comme défectueux et incapables.
- 00:35:00 - 00:40:00
L'adolescence, durant l'étape d'identité contre confusion, est une période où l'individu tente de former son identité en interagissant avec la société. Un échec à ce stade conduit à une diffusion de l'identité, laissant les adolescents incertains de qui ils sont, ce qui est courant chez les narcissiques.
- 00:40:00 - 00:45:00
La phase d'intimité contre l'isolement est difficile pour les narcissiques car leur incapacité à établir une connexion profonde avec autrui les conduit à se sentir seuls et isolés. Ils confondent souvent performance et amour, menant à des relations superficielles.
- 00:45:00 - 00:50:00
En milieu d'âge, l'étape de la générativité contre la stagnation implique la façon dont une personne contribue à la société, que ce soit par la créativité ou la parentalité. Les narcissiques peuvent sembler accomplis extérieurement, mais en réalité, ils stagnent sur le plan émotionnel et personnel.
- 00:50:00 - 00:59:45
Finalement, dans la phase de l'intégrité contre le désespoir, un regard sur leur vie ne laisse souvent les narcissiques qu'avec du ressentiment et du désespoir. Alors que ceux qui ont vécu de manière authentique trouvent la paix, les narcissiques pleurent les occasions manquées et la fin de leurs aspirations jamais réalisées.
Mind Map
Video-Fragen und Antworten
Qu'est-ce que l'ego selon la théorie psychanalytique ?
L'ego est une partie de l'esprit responsable de la médiation entre les désirs internes et la réalité.
Pourquoi les narcissiques n'ont-ils pas d'ego fonctionnel ?
Les narcissiques ont une déformation majeure de leur ego, les rendant incapables d'interagir efficacement avec la réalité.
Qui a proposé les huit stades du développement psychosocial ?
Erik Erikson a proposé les huit stades du développement psychosocial.
Quels sont les besoins d'un ego mature ?
Un ego mature nécessite une vie vécue pleinement, passant par chaque phase de la vie.
Quels sont les résultats d'une mauvaise parentalité sur le développement de l'ego ?
Une mauvaise parentalité peut provoquer un manque de confiance en soi et des problèmes d'identité.
Qu'est-ce que signifie l'initiative contre la culpabilité dans le développement d'un enfant ?
C'est une étape où l'enfant apprend à explorer et à initier des projets, mais doit faire face à la peur de l'échec ou de la culpabilité.
Comment le narcissisme affecte-t-il le développement de l'intimité ?
Le narcissisme rend difficile le développement de l'intimité, car le narcissique ne fait pas confiance aux autres.
Qu'est-ce que la génération contre la stagnation ?
C'est une phase du développement où un individu doit trouver un moyen de créer et de renouveler sa vie.
Quelle est la différence entre identité atteinte et diffusion d'identité ?
L'identité atteinte implique une exploration et un engagement forts, tandis que la diffusion d'identité signifie un manque d'exploration et de commitment.
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- 00:00:02in Daily speech ego simply means vanity
- 00:00:07being full of yourself or being
- 00:00:11self-centered selfish
- 00:00:14egotism but this is not the meaning of
- 00:00:17ego in psychoanalytic theory and
- 00:00:20literature ego is a part of the mind
- 00:00:25that is responsible for multiple
- 00:00:28functions the most important of which is
- 00:00:32interfacing with
- 00:00:34reality
- 00:00:35mediating between urges and desires and
- 00:00:40wishes and drives and reality because
- 00:00:45reality tends to push back there are
- 00:00:48consequences to actions and it is the
- 00:00:52ego's responsibility to prevent you from
- 00:00:56falling U into a trap to meet mitigate
- 00:01:00any possible harm and untoward
- 00:01:04outcomes so the ego is there as both a
- 00:01:09wise advisor a kind of Parental figure
- 00:01:14keeping you keeping you safe keeping you
- 00:01:17functional this is the ego and I keep
- 00:01:20saying that narcissists have no ego
- 00:01:24narcissism is a Fantasy Defense which
- 00:01:28involves A disruption a major disruption
- 00:01:31in the formation of the ego and
- 00:01:34inability to grasp reality properly and
- 00:01:37impaired reality testing which is one of
- 00:01:40the functions of the ego but why why is
- 00:01:43this why does this
- 00:01:46happen because in order to develop a
- 00:01:50fully
- 00:01:51functioning benevolent and beneficial
- 00:01:54ego and ego with your friend an ego
- 00:01:58which takes care caters to your
- 00:02:01psychological needs without compromising
- 00:02:04your security and safety and future
- 00:02:07prospects in order to develop an ego
- 00:02:10that is
- 00:02:11mature you need to live life to the
- 00:02:15fullest you need to pass through each
- 00:02:18and every phase of Life grow evolve
- 00:02:24develop learn and internalize lessons
- 00:02:27model yourself on the behavior of other
- 00:02:31people role models and finally reach
- 00:02:35your destination whichever it might be
- 00:02:39family a career both realize your life
- 00:02:43plan and your goals within what is known
- 00:02:47as the LIF span and this is what
- 00:02:51something narcissists and Psychopaths
- 00:02:53never do they never live life to the
- 00:02:55fullest they never live life period it
- 00:02:58was clly who suggested in the 1940s that
- 00:03:02psychopathy he called it psychopathy
- 00:03:04today we know that he was referring to
- 00:03:06malignant
- 00:03:07narcissist he said that Psychopaths
- 00:03:11reject life it's a rejection of Life
- 00:03:14today we call it constriction of life
- 00:03:17and that is very true narcissism and
- 00:03:20psychopathy are
- 00:03:23absconding with uh yourself pushing
- 00:03:27yourself away from reality
- 00:03:30in the absence of a functional core
- 00:03:32identity in the absence of a self or an
- 00:03:35ego the narcissist and the psychopath
- 00:03:38are unable to interact appropriately
- 00:03:42within reality within everchanging ever
- 00:03:46shifting environments within social
- 00:03:49social structures so what they do
- 00:03:51instead especially the narcissist they
- 00:03:53resort to fantasy and in the case of the
- 00:03:56narcissist he confuses fantasy with real
- 00:03:59real ity that's not the casee with the
- 00:04:01psychopath but it is definitely the case
- 00:04:03with a
- 00:04:04narcissist and one of the major Scholars
- 00:04:07and
- 00:04:08thinkers to teach us to have taught us
- 00:04:12about life its inexorable Evolution from
- 00:04:16one stage to the next processes of
- 00:04:19self-development and self- growth and
- 00:04:22learning and maturation and
- 00:04:26habituation and so on so and identity
- 00:04:28formation one of the greatest Scholars
- 00:04:31if not the greatest of them all was Eric
- 00:04:36Erikson like many Giants in Psychology
- 00:04:39Eric Ericson has been rejected by
- 00:04:41Academia he never got the tenured
- 00:04:45professorship he's so coveted same as
- 00:04:48Freud many most actually 70% of the
- 00:04:52Giants of psychology prior to
- 00:04:551960 never had any formal education in
- 00:04:58Psychology nor did they possess any
- 00:05:01academic degree in Psychology I'm
- 00:05:02talking about people like Freud like
- 00:05:05Melanie Klein others obtain their
- 00:05:08academic degrees after they have after
- 00:05:12they have done the seminal work that
- 00:05:15came to be identified with him for
- 00:05:18example Donald wiot who was a
- 00:05:20pediatrician and Lan who was a
- 00:05:23schizophrenic hospitalized in a mental
- 00:05:25Asylum when she started to develop DBT
- 00:05:29dialectical behavioral therapy the main
- 00:05:31treatment modality for Borderline
- 00:05:33Personality Disorder so forget all this
- 00:05:36nonsense about credentials and academic
- 00:05:39degrees and knowledge of statistics and
- 00:05:42in in and and enmeshment in new
- 00:05:45discoveries in Neuroscience this is not
- 00:05:48psychology psychology is not a science
- 00:05:52psychology is a pseudo science
- 00:05:55psychology because of its subject matter
- 00:05:58which is human beings
- 00:06:00can at best be a form of literature and
- 00:06:03no one excelled in this more than Eric
- 00:06:07ericon bleheim who wrote the famous book
- 00:06:12about fairy tales and enchantment and so
- 00:06:14on so forth lied about his
- 00:06:17credentials Ericson didn't have to he
- 00:06:21completed his Master's long into his um
- 00:06:25adulthood and he never became a
- 00:06:28professor although he was a resident in
- 00:06:30Harvard as far as I know throughout this
- 00:06:34period Ericson analyzed life and divided
- 00:06:38it to eight stages the topic of today's
- 00:06:42conversation I'm going to describe
- 00:06:44Ericson's work and applied to narcissism
- 00:06:48at the end of this video you will
- 00:06:50hopefully understand why narcissist are
- 00:06:54selfless I always said that niss are
- 00:06:58selfless and
- 00:07:00definitely not possessed of an
- 00:07:03ego my name is s vaknin and I'm the
- 00:07:06author of malignant self love narcissism
- 00:07:08Revisited and as opposed to ericon I am
- 00:07:11actually a professor of psychology a
- 00:07:14visiting Professor until recently and
- 00:07:16currently on the faculty of
- 00:07:19Cups Commonwealth Institute for advanced
- 00:07:21professional studies Cambridge United
- 00:07:23Kingdom Toronto Canada and an Outreach
- 00:07:26campus in Lagos Nigeria let's go and
- 00:07:31tour the fascinating World of Eric
- 00:07:37Erikson Eric Ericson's work revolved
- 00:07:40around the critical pivotal and
- 00:07:45convoluted topic of ego
- 00:07:49identity how does the ego evolve and
- 00:07:52become an identity how do we acquire the
- 00:07:56set of characteristics that make us who
- 00:08:00we are
- 00:08:03idiosyncratically Su genis how do we
- 00:08:06become one of a
- 00:08:08kind and this was the topic this was the
- 00:08:11main focus of Eric Ericson's work he
- 00:08:14said that ego identity is gradually
- 00:08:17achieved by facing goals and challenges
- 00:08:21and he divided life the entire lifespan
- 00:08:25from birth to death he divided it into
- 00:08:29eight eight stages I'm going to read to
- 00:08:31you the headlines of these stages and
- 00:08:34I'm going to dwell on each and every one
- 00:08:36of them and apply them to the disrupted
- 00:08:39disrupted
- 00:08:41development uh arrested growth and
- 00:08:45problems in ego formation in narcissism
- 00:08:49so Erikson said that life is divided to
- 00:08:51eight stages stage number one infancy
- 00:08:54basic trust versus mistrust stage two
- 00:08:59toddler autonomy versus shame and doubt
- 00:09:02stage three
- 00:09:05preschool um the age where initiative
- 00:09:08clashes with guilt school age involves
- 00:09:11industry versus inferiority adolescence
- 00:09:15is identity versus identity confusion
- 00:09:18young adulthood intimacy versus
- 00:09:21isolation middle age generativity versus
- 00:09:25stagnation and older adulthood well into
- 00:09:29um the point of death integrity versus
- 00:09:35despair now before we proceed ego
- 00:09:39identity in psychoanalytic theory is the
- 00:09:42experience of the self as a
- 00:09:45recognizable persistent entity resulting
- 00:09:48from the integration of the ego ideal
- 00:09:52how how one would like to see oneself in
- 00:09:54the future various roles in life husband
- 00:10:00father um uh student Mentor what have
- 00:10:04you and ways of adjusting to reality so
- 00:10:09the ego's role of interacting with
- 00:10:12reality subsumes one's roles in life and
- 00:10:18leads one pushes you to realize your ego
- 00:10:24ideal your image of yourself as you
- 00:10:27would have liked to be so this is ego um
- 00:10:31ego
- 00:10:32identity and um it involves a gradual uh
- 00:10:38acquisition of a sense of identity
- 00:10:42self-worth it's a kind of Integrative
- 00:10:46process a process of integration that
- 00:10:48lasts from Cradle to grave ericon
- 00:10:53suggested that this process of
- 00:10:55integration is the essential process in
- 00:10:59personality development he says that we
- 00:11:02start off fragmented
- 00:11:04confused and we end life knowing exactly
- 00:11:08who we are if we are lucky if we have
- 00:11:11lived life to the fullest if we have not
- 00:11:15rejected life let's start at the moment
- 00:11:18of birth the first of the eight stages
- 00:11:22of psychosocial development of Eric
- 00:11:25Ericson's magnificent masterpiece
- 00:11:29uh magisterial work so between birth and
- 00:11:3418 months of age the infant comes to
- 00:11:38view other people and themselves as
- 00:11:43trustworthy or they develop a
- 00:11:46fundamental distrust of the
- 00:11:49environment if the baby is exposed to
- 00:11:52good enough
- 00:11:54parenting
- 00:11:56stable present loving
- 00:11:59caring hold holding
- 00:12:03containing uh understanding accepting
- 00:12:07parents or
- 00:12:09caregivers and later on peers Role
- 00:12:13Models such as teachers but initially
- 00:12:16the stage of babyhood we are talking
- 00:12:18about parental figures with a huge
- 00:12:20emphasis on the mother a good enough
- 00:12:22mother in Donald wot's uh lingo so if a
- 00:12:27baby is exposed to a good enough mother
- 00:12:29this baby will grow up trusting other
- 00:12:33people if the baby however is exposed to
- 00:12:36what Andre green called a dead mother a
- 00:12:39mother who is absent who is depressive
- 00:12:42who is selfish who is strumental ises
- 00:12:45the baby who partify the baby a mother
- 00:12:49who abuses or traumatizes in a variety
- 00:12:52of ways a mother who doesn't allow the
- 00:12:54baby to develop and become bounded
- 00:12:58separate SE from her later on separation
- 00:13:01individuation if the if the child is
- 00:13:03subjected or exposed to this kind of
- 00:13:07dead
- 00:13:07mother this baby is likely to grow up
- 00:13:11mistrusting and distrusting other people
- 00:13:16the growth of basic
- 00:13:18trust was considered by Ericson to be
- 00:13:21essential for the later development of
- 00:13:24self-esteem and healthy interpersonal
- 00:13:27relationships
- 00:13:30uh ericon suggested that the primary
- 00:13:34caregiver must be responsive and attuned
- 00:13:39to the babies or infants individual
- 00:13:42needs while conveying the quality of
- 00:13:46trustworthiness
- 00:13:47reliability
- 00:13:49predictability
- 00:13:50determinacy
- 00:13:52certainty the growth of basic mistrust
- 00:13:56is the outcome in Erikson's work of
- 00:13:59neglect lack of Love inconsistent
- 00:14:02treatment and this of course sits well
- 00:14:05with the work of BBY and later others in
- 00:14:09attachment
- 00:14:11Theory U one could say that Ericson
- 00:14:14preceded attachment Theory the child
- 00:14:16must experience both trust and
- 00:14:20mistrust in order to know how to truly
- 00:14:23trust so the child must be exposed to
- 00:14:26figures in his life like his mother
- 00:14:29who he can trust and on the other hand
- 00:14:33to other types of people who he cannot
- 00:14:35trust so he learns to create a balance
- 00:14:40between trust and mistrust not to become
- 00:14:43naive or gable or open to manipulation
- 00:14:47and
- 00:14:48exploitation however the dominant
- 00:14:51feature in a child in a baby in an
- 00:14:53infant who has been ra raised by good
- 00:14:56enough parents is Trust this kind of
- 00:14:59child regards the world as an
- 00:15:02essentially benign place and other
- 00:15:05people have usually good intentions so
- 00:15:09he can trust the world to reciprocate
- 00:15:14his own good behavior this is stage one
- 00:15:18and it is the stage of infancy basic
- 00:15:20trust versus
- 00:15:22mistrust on comes the second stage in
- 00:15:25Erikson's eight stages in Eric were and
- 00:15:29that is autonomy versus shame or doubt
- 00:15:33this is between the ages of 18 months
- 00:15:36and three years and during this stage
- 00:15:39children acquire a degree of
- 00:15:42self-reliance and
- 00:15:44self-confidence and this allows them to
- 00:15:46develop at their own
- 00:15:49pace of course this leads in mala's work
- 00:15:53it leads to separation individuation the
- 00:15:56child feels confident enough to rely on
- 00:16:01itself rather than on
- 00:16:04mother there is an element of
- 00:16:06grandiosity here as Jung had
- 00:16:09observed this kind of introversion to
- 00:16:12extroversion process involves
- 00:16:15grandiosity taking on the world when you
- 00:16:17are two years old that's that's grandio
- 00:16:22but it's a healthy kind of grandiosity
- 00:16:24it is primary narcissism the healthy
- 00:16:27kind stays with us for life and that
- 00:16:30underlies our self-confidence and
- 00:16:33self-esteem and so on so
- 00:16:35forth but if the parents are
- 00:16:38overcritical
- 00:16:40overprotective inconsistent dead
- 00:16:43metaphorically absent depressive
- 00:16:47suppressive uh insecure fearful anxious
- 00:16:52Etc if if the child is exposed to these
- 00:16:55kind of parents the child is very
- 00:16:57unlikely
- 00:16:59to
- 00:17:00develop um self-confidence and
- 00:17:03self-esteem the child is likely to doubt
- 00:17:06his or her ability to control themselves
- 00:17:09and the world so exposure to the parents
- 00:17:13in this second stage is still very
- 00:17:16critical in the first stage the parent
- 00:17:19induces in the child the ability to
- 00:17:22trust others in the World At Large in
- 00:17:25the second stage the parent triggers in
- 00:17:29the child the need to separate and
- 00:17:33individuate and this critically depends
- 00:17:37on the parent ability to project a sense
- 00:17:41of secure base a sense of stability
- 00:17:44sense of safety a sense of trust in the
- 00:17:48child I trust you to go out and explore
- 00:17:51play with your peers I trust you to
- 00:17:53experience loss and pain and survive etc
- 00:17:57etc these are very very important
- 00:17:59messages if the parent fails especially
- 00:18:02the mother fails to convey these
- 00:18:04messages the child is likely to remain
- 00:18:09anxious doubtful of him of himself or
- 00:18:12herself the child is going to doubt
- 00:18:15their ability to control themselves and
- 00:18:18the environment to induce change in
- 00:18:20themselves or in the environment or in
- 00:18:22others to modify other people's behavior
- 00:18:25to explore to discover to to Revel in
- 00:18:29the beauty of the world etc etc these
- 00:18:31kind of children grow up to be terrified
- 00:18:35of reality and of the world and it is a
- 00:18:37disinf lection point that the
- 00:18:40typical uh that the the child becomes a
- 00:18:46narcissist it's exactly at this stage
- 00:18:49the second stage of Ericson in the first
- 00:18:52stage the dead mother or the bad parents
- 00:18:57in ucing the child distrust this kind of
- 00:19:01child grows up to not trust herself and
- 00:19:05her parents which the parents are the
- 00:19:08world so this child doesn't trust the
- 00:19:09world and then in the second stage this
- 00:19:12kind of child exposed to the wrong
- 00:19:15parents she um she becomes dependent she
- 00:19:22becomes anxious she becomes avoidant she
- 00:19:26withdraws and because reality poses a
- 00:19:30menace a threat reality is perceived as
- 00:19:35hostile as contrarian as hurtful as
- 00:19:40threatening because of as minacious
- 00:19:42because of this the child decides to
- 00:19:45resort to fantasy fantasy defense is
- 00:19:49activated at this point the second stage
- 00:19:51of
- 00:19:52ericon it's activated and the child
- 00:19:56becomes embedded
- 00:19:58immured in the fantasy gradually the
- 00:20:02child learns to identify himself with
- 00:20:05the fantasy the false self and so the
- 00:20:08child essentially dies mentally vanishes
- 00:20:12and becomes the
- 00:20:14fantasy and all this happens the first
- 00:20:17two stages of
- 00:20:19Ericson's uh
- 00:20:21lifespan which leads to the third
- 00:20:24stage initiative versus guilt this
- 00:20:28occurs in the child's third through
- 00:20:30fifth
- 00:20:31years the child
- 00:20:34plans La plans all kinds of things
- 00:20:37launches projects initiates fantasies
- 00:20:42and then tries to impose the fantasies
- 00:20:45on reality via
- 00:20:47play games and similar symbolic
- 00:20:51activities the child learns to believe
- 00:20:54in their ability to successfully pursue
- 00:20:56goals child becomes
- 00:20:59self-efficacious the child notices that
- 00:21:02if he were to pursue a certain course of
- 00:21:03action it's likely to yield certain
- 00:21:07beneficial consequences wanted
- 00:21:09consequences outcomes that are
- 00:21:12gratifying so the child begins to
- 00:21:15manipulate in a good sense his
- 00:21:17environment others and himself in order
- 00:21:21to pursue goals the child becomes
- 00:21:25purposeful but this is true
- 00:21:28only as it applies to a healthy child a
- 00:21:32child who succeeded to develop trust in
- 00:21:35the first stage and self-reliance
- 00:21:38self-esteem and self-confidence in the
- 00:21:40second stage a child who has
- 00:21:43failed the first two stages child who
- 00:21:46developed mistrust a child who remained
- 00:21:51dependent on the parents on the mother
- 00:21:53especially because there was no
- 00:21:54separation individuation a child who
- 00:21:56chose in the second stage
- 00:21:58a Fantasy Defense in L of reality as a
- 00:22:01substitute to reality this kind of child
- 00:22:04will not transition to any of the
- 00:22:07following six
- 00:22:08stages um in a healthy functional way
- 00:22:13this kind of child is going to fail the
- 00:22:15next six stages indeed in the third
- 00:22:19stage uh this kind of child is likely to
- 00:22:23develop a feeling of self-doubt and even
- 00:22:26guilt child tries to separate from the
- 00:22:29parent this kind of child will feel
- 00:22:31guilty for having done this or even
- 00:22:33worthy of punishment in short the child
- 00:22:36begins to develop a bad
- 00:22:39object you don't love me says the parent
- 00:22:43explicitly or implicitly you want to
- 00:22:45walk away from me you're ignoring my
- 00:22:48needs etc etc so this kind of parent
- 00:22:52criticizes the child doesn't allow the
- 00:22:56child to
- 00:22:58succeed this kind of parent sets the
- 00:23:01child up for failure whenever the child
- 00:23:04tries to Take On The World As I said by
- 00:23:07launching projects by planning something
- 00:23:10by engaging in play with with peers and
- 00:23:15etc etc the parent comes in and
- 00:23:18criticizes the child and pushes the
- 00:23:20child to fail the child learns to
- 00:23:23associate failure with love whenever he
- 00:23:28fails mommy is there to comfort him to
- 00:23:32soothe him to love him to embrace him
- 00:23:37whenever he succeeds she's critical
- 00:23:40she's angry she's disappointed she's
- 00:23:44hurt so this kind of child in the third
- 00:23:47phase learns that the only form of
- 00:23:50success is
- 00:23:52failure on to the fourth stage the
- 00:23:55fourth stage is industry versus
- 00:23:57inferiority
- 00:23:58it's between the ages of six and 11
- 00:24:01years the child learns to be productive
- 00:24:04and to accept evaluation of their
- 00:24:08efforts even criticism the child is
- 00:24:11sufficiently self-confident sufficiently
- 00:24:15trustful sufficiently accomplished
- 00:24:18during the third
- 00:24:19phase to take on criticism and
- 00:24:24advice and to pursue all kinds of ideas
- 00:24:29and projects and Enterprises and
- 00:24:32initiatives to pursue them to the end
- 00:24:36despite negative sometimes outcome from
- 00:24:40uh input I'm sorry from the
- 00:24:42environment but if the child has failed
- 00:24:45the first three stages owing to bed
- 00:24:48parenting wrong parental messaging
- 00:24:53discouraging parental messaging that
- 00:24:55says you should never become your own
- 00:24:57person you should never leave me you
- 00:24:59should never separate from me this kind
- 00:25:01of child has failed in the previous four
- 00:25:03three phases and in the fourth
- 00:25:06phase this kind of child becomes
- 00:25:09discouraged he begins to develop a sense
- 00:25:12of
- 00:25:13inferiority
- 00:25:15inadequacy
- 00:25:16incompetence
- 00:25:18unworthiness and this is when the bad
- 00:25:22object
- 00:25:24coalesces and becomes a permanent
- 00:25:26feature in the narcissist mental
- 00:25:30landscape so narcissist in the fourth
- 00:25:33stage exits the fourth stage with a
- 00:25:36fully formed
- 00:25:39intact a psychodynamically active bed
- 00:25:43object inside himself this kind of child
- 00:25:46at the age of 6 years 9 years 11 years
- 00:25:50already consider them himself or herself
- 00:25:54to be somewhat defective
- 00:25:59deformed as I said inadequate ugly
- 00:26:03stupid something something's wrong with
- 00:26:06me there's this constant background
- 00:26:10emanation or signaling something's wrong
- 00:26:12with me because something is wrong with
- 00:26:15me I should not expose myself to reality
- 00:26:19and to the world because I'm I'm not
- 00:26:21equipped to cope with life and this
- 00:26:24discourages the child and he draws
- 00:26:26nearer to the parental figures which is
- 00:26:29exactly what bad parents want their
- 00:26:32children to do they don't want them to
- 00:26:34walk away they want them to remain
- 00:26:36dependent
- 00:26:38forever the fifth stage is identity
- 00:26:41versus identity confusion which is a
- 00:26:43very big developmental part of
- 00:26:47borderline personality disorders with an
- 00:26:50S disorders plurality multiple because
- 00:26:55uto kernberg has observed during the 70s
- 00:26:58that borderline personality disorder
- 00:27:00also
- 00:27:01encompasses uh
- 00:27:03narcissism um and they are all on the
- 00:27:07verge of
- 00:27:08psychosis and the key
- 00:27:10feature one of the two key
- 00:27:12features in such borderline personality
- 00:27:16organization one of the two key features
- 00:27:19is identity confusion also known as
- 00:27:21identity disturbance also known as
- 00:27:25identity diffusion there's a debate
- 00:27:28because some of these terms apply only
- 00:27:30to adolescents While others persist into
- 00:27:33adulthood in any case there's a problem
- 00:27:35with identity the second feature by the
- 00:27:37way is emotional
- 00:27:39disregulation so in the fifth stage of
- 00:27:41Ericson's eight stages of psychosocial
- 00:27:44development there the issue of identity
- 00:27:48emerges the child has separated from the
- 00:27:50parent the child is becoming an
- 00:27:53individual by interacting with reality
- 00:27:57reality is bruising reality is
- 00:28:00unforgiving reality is
- 00:28:02merciless life and the universe push
- 00:28:05back they provide the kind of feedback
- 00:28:09and input that calibrates the child
- 00:28:13self-corrects the child the child is
- 00:28:16able then to form boundaries that's
- 00:28:20where I stop and the world begins the
- 00:28:23child having formed boundaries is now
- 00:28:26capable of of interacting with other
- 00:28:28people on equal terms the emergence of
- 00:28:32nent object relations this is a very
- 00:28:35critical phase of course the more
- 00:28:38experience the child has in his
- 00:28:41interactions with the with the
- 00:28:43environment the more the child
- 00:28:46feels that he is the more the child
- 00:28:50becomes it is through interactions with
- 00:28:54reality that you become yourself
- 00:28:57selfhood your sense of personhood of
- 00:29:00being a person of being a unit this
- 00:29:03unitary sense of self is the outcome of
- 00:29:07push back from the environment
- 00:29:10environment limits your ability to
- 00:29:13expand
- 00:29:14outwards and if it doesn't you end up
- 00:29:17being psychotic this is known as
- 00:29:19hyperreflexivity
- 00:29:21so exposure to reality at a very early
- 00:29:25stage of development is is super
- 00:29:29crucial very critical to the emergence
- 00:29:32of a
- 00:29:33constellated integrated fully functional
- 00:29:37self which is the fifth stage of
- 00:29:40Erikson's eight
- 00:29:43stages the fifth stage is a crisis one
- 00:29:47could even say to some extent a trauma
- 00:29:51it occurs during
- 00:29:54adolescence and during this stage the
- 00:29:56individual ual experiences kind of
- 00:29:59psychos social
- 00:30:02moratorium a period of time that perits
- 00:30:06the individual to experiment with social
- 00:30:09roles with sexual
- 00:30:11orientation with scripts various scripts
- 00:30:15with gender roles and so on so forth so
- 00:30:18during the moratorium phase moratorium
- 00:30:21simply means I don't know who I am yet
- 00:30:24I'm going to try everything it's like
- 00:30:26trying on
- 00:30:27trying on pieces of clothing you know so
- 00:30:31like entering a a shopping mall and
- 00:30:33trying on all kinds of things so I'm
- 00:30:35going to try on various identities until
- 00:30:38I see what fits what fits me best and
- 00:30:41this is the moratorium and the
- 00:30:43individual tries on different roles and
- 00:30:45identifies with different groups before
- 00:30:48the individual reaches a conclusion an
- 00:30:50equilibrium a
- 00:30:53valley uh which which forms a cohesive
- 00:30:58positive
- 00:30:59identity so after this period of
- 00:31:02experimentation usually a healthy
- 00:31:05individual reaches a set of conclusions
- 00:31:09as to who he is what she
- 00:31:13is roles
- 00:31:16orientations and all the other
- 00:31:19Hallmarks and bells and whistles of
- 00:31:23identity the identity then congeals
- 00:31:27coalesence becomes a core and this is
- 00:31:30known as core identity now one must not
- 00:31:33confuse core identity with self and self
- 00:31:36with
- 00:31:37ego and I uh recommend that you watch my
- 00:31:41videos about each of each of these three
- 00:31:43topics there quite a few but generally
- 00:31:46speaking uh positive Identity or the
- 00:31:51formation of core identity which is well
- 00:31:54demarcated boundaried
- 00:31:56functional responsive to environmental
- 00:31:59challenges and changes and so on this
- 00:32:01kind of identity is mostly
- 00:32:04psychosocial it has to do with social
- 00:32:07functioning uh in a way that contributes
- 00:32:10to society or at the very least in a way
- 00:32:12that avoids repercussions and
- 00:32:15punishments by
- 00:32:16Society so a healthy person ends up
- 00:32:20integrated in his Social Circle Social
- 00:32:23Circle could be very big a political
- 00:32:26party social ccle could be very small a
- 00:32:28nuclear family or childless family or a
- 00:32:32committed relationship whatever the case
- 00:32:34may be it involves object
- 00:32:36relations this phase leads to the
- 00:32:39ability to say this is where I am and
- 00:32:44knowing who I am as me I'm going to
- 00:32:49contribute or to integrate myself in
- 00:32:52larger structures in larger groups and
- 00:32:56I'm going to function with with these
- 00:32:57Within These groups to the best of my
- 00:32:59ability contributing what I can this is
- 00:33:03the healthy
- 00:33:05path so to
- 00:33:07summarize
- 00:33:09experimentation identity formation
- 00:33:12social integration of course this again
- 00:33:16critically depends on the previous four
- 00:33:19steps at
- 00:33:21this at this point the narcissist has
- 00:33:24failed the child who was about to become
- 00:33:26a processes has failed all previous four
- 00:33:29steps owing to bed parenting mostly but
- 00:33:33not only bed parenting later on exposure
- 00:33:36to peers exposure to role
- 00:33:39models um like teachers mentors and so
- 00:33:43on so forth for example a
- 00:33:45child who is intellectually challenged
- 00:33:48or child with autism spectrum disorder
- 00:33:51or a child who is disabled and so on may
- 00:33:53be subjected to such pure condemnation
- 00:33:56and rejection
- 00:33:57is likely to react with narcissism so
- 00:34:00it's not only parents although in the
- 00:34:01overwhelming vast majority of cases
- 00:34:03we're talking about the mother to be
- 00:34:06precise so coming back to the point the
- 00:34:09narcissist is a child has fa is an
- 00:34:12adolescent has failed the previous four
- 00:34:14steps
- 00:34:16inevitably The Narcissist continues to
- 00:34:18fail the fifth
- 00:34:21step in the fifth state St step fifth
- 00:34:25stage of Ericson's eight
- 00:34:28stages such a child such an adolescent
- 00:34:34is likely to form a negative identity by
- 00:34:39identifying without
- 00:34:42groups or he may remain stuck in the
- 00:34:46moratorium stage still
- 00:34:49experimenting because he's very confused
- 00:34:52about his or her
- 00:34:53identity and this is known as identity
- 00:34:58diffusion now I will elaborate a bit on
- 00:35:01identity diffusion and and on something
- 00:35:04called the identity status
- 00:35:10model so to
- 00:35:13recap as a child The Narcissist fails
- 00:35:16stages one and two of Ericson as an
- 00:35:19adolescent The Narcissist fails stages
- 00:35:22uh three and four as a CH as a as a
- 00:35:24toddler The Narcissist fails
- 00:35:27stage three and four as an adolescent
- 00:35:29the naris fails stage five and the
- 00:35:33failure in stage five can be antisocial
- 00:35:37failure so the child or the Adolescent
- 00:35:40identifies for example with criminals
- 00:35:42out
- 00:35:44groups or it could be a borderline
- 00:35:48failure
- 00:35:50where the identity is not formed does
- 00:35:54not coales does not come together
- 00:35:57there's a failure at forming identity
- 00:35:59identity formation
- 00:36:00failure or collapse of identity
- 00:36:03formation and at this point there's huge
- 00:36:06confusion and huge
- 00:36:09diffusion and the child of the
- 00:36:12Adolescent desperately continues to try
- 00:36:16to experiment with a variety of sexual
- 00:36:19orientation and gender roles and social
- 00:36:21roles and scripts and this this
- 00:36:24experimentation this moratorium never
- 00:36:26end
- 00:36:28and because this experimentation becomes
- 00:36:31a way of
- 00:36:32life it is not possible to pinpoint an
- 00:36:35identity for this individual this type
- 00:36:38of individual and I'm talking about
- 00:36:40people age 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 these
- 00:36:44kind of individuals
- 00:36:47transition
- 00:36:49kaleidoscopically between a variety of
- 00:36:51gender roles and sexual orientations and
- 00:36:55belief systems and value systems and
- 00:36:58religions and I mean you can never
- 00:37:01pinpoint them you can never say with any
- 00:37:06amount of certainty this is who this
- 00:37:09person is you can never rely or trust
- 00:37:13anything they say to you because their
- 00:37:16values for example change from one day
- 00:37:17to the next you cannot take their
- 00:37:21Promises to the bank they break their
- 00:37:23promises not because they're evil or
- 00:37:25malignant or what have you but because
- 00:37:29they are not the same person from one
- 00:37:31day to the next in the most profound
- 00:37:35sense identity diffusion is a lack of
- 00:37:38stability or focus in the view of the
- 00:37:42self or in any of the elements or of an
- 00:37:45individual's
- 00:37:46identity as I said it's common in
- 00:37:48borderline personalties so so identity
- 00:37:51diffusion involves actually two elements
- 00:37:54in in in both personality disorder today
- 00:37:57we don't use the the phrase identity
- 00:38:00diffusion we use identity disturbance
- 00:38:02but it involves two two key
- 00:38:06elements an inability to regard oneself
- 00:38:10to observe oneself to view ones as the
- 00:38:14same person from one minute to the next
- 00:38:17from one hour to the next from one day
- 00:38:19to the next there is no constant stable
- 00:38:25self-perception self image view of one's
- 00:38:29self and the reason is very simple there
- 00:38:31is no self there there's an
- 00:38:35emptiness there's a vacuum there's a
- 00:38:38void what be what came to be known as
- 00:38:41the empty schizoid
- 00:38:44core and
- 00:38:46so this is element number one in
- 00:38:49identity diffusion element number
- 00:38:53two there is no
- 00:38:55conception of the various components and
- 00:38:59ingredients of one one's identity when
- 00:39:02when such a person interacts with the
- 00:39:05world interacts with other people she is
- 00:39:08not
- 00:39:09sure who is who she is what parts of
- 00:39:14herself should interface and interact
- 00:39:17with the
- 00:39:18other um what should she bring to the
- 00:39:22table what are her values or beliefs or
- 00:39:26hopes or dreams or wishes or needs or
- 00:39:29preferences she's not sure of any of
- 00:39:31this so identity diffusion impacts
- 00:39:36self-perception but also impacts the
- 00:39:39perception of relationships and
- 00:39:42interactions interpersonal interactions
- 00:39:44with other
- 00:39:45people it's very
- 00:39:48destructive in ego psychology Eric
- 00:39:51Ericson was a member of the school of
- 00:39:53ego
- 00:39:54psychology a possible outcome
- 00:39:57of uh this the fifth stage the stage of
- 00:40:01identity versus identity
- 00:40:03confusion is that the individual emerges
- 00:40:06with an uncertain sense of identity and
- 00:40:09confusion about wishes attitudes goals
- 00:40:12and so on so forth and this gave rise to
- 00:40:15something known as the identity status
- 00:40:17model it's an expansion of the fifth
- 00:40:20stage of Eric Ericson and this model
- 00:40:24says that there are four possible
- 00:40:27identity
- 00:40:28statuses identity status so there are
- 00:40:31four of
- 00:40:32them um and an individual can assume any
- 00:40:36of these four identity statuses
- 00:40:39especially during adolescence remember
- 00:40:41in adolescence during the moratorium
- 00:40:44there's a lot of
- 00:40:45experimentation so the same adolescent
- 00:40:48the same pubescent child can choose
- 00:40:52identity one and then the next week
- 00:40:56ident identity status too so the same
- 00:40:58child can have different identity
- 00:41:00statuses in the same body and even in
- 00:41:03the same
- 00:41:04period so each identity status is
- 00:41:08characterized by a different level of
- 00:41:11exploration of a specific identity and a
- 00:41:14commitment to that identity so when you
- 00:41:16have a status an identity status you
- 00:41:18keep exploring your identity all the
- 00:41:21time you know when you say to yourself I
- 00:41:24I never knew I had this in me I could
- 00:41:28never believe that I'll be that strong
- 00:41:30you know that's you exploring your
- 00:41:33identity all the time and then
- 00:41:37committing to your discoveries the more
- 00:41:40you find out about your identity the
- 00:41:42more connected you are to it the more
- 00:41:45committed to it you are and this is
- 00:41:48identity status and development in
- 00:41:52healthy people moves towards what is is
- 00:41:56known as identity achievement status
- 00:42:00evidence of identity exploration and
- 00:42:02commitment to this newly discovered
- 00:42:05evidence so at some point identity is
- 00:42:10cemented it is cast in stone it's
- 00:42:13accomplished it's
- 00:42:15achieved and your status is minimal
- 00:42:19exploration maximum commitment so it
- 00:42:21starts in adolescence with maximum
- 00:42:24exploration minimum commitment
- 00:42:26and it reverses in later life and now
- 00:42:30you're committed to your identity you
- 00:42:32know who you are you know your beliefs
- 00:42:34you know your values you know what
- 00:42:36you're likely to do what you're very
- 00:42:38unlikely to do you you know you can
- 00:42:40control your impulses you can delay
- 00:42:42gratification you know everything about
- 00:42:45yourself and this is your identity your
- 00:42:48achieved
- 00:42:50identity and status is related to a to a
- 00:42:55stable sense of self-worth not
- 00:42:58fluctuating but stabilized self-esteem
- 00:43:01self-confidence and healthy
- 00:43:03psychological
- 00:43:06functioning
- 00:43:09uh the identity achievement status is
- 00:43:12the final phase on the way to the
- 00:43:15identity achievement status people
- 00:43:18usually go through what is known as
- 00:43:20moratorium
- 00:43:23statuses uh it's it involves as I said
- 00:43:27more exploration than commitment so
- 00:43:30there is something called foreclosure
- 00:43:32status it's a commitment to an identity
- 00:43:35that adults have set forth for an
- 00:43:38individual so in the foreclosure status
- 00:43:42you choose an identity that is dictated
- 00:43:45to you expected of you communicated to
- 00:43:48you signaled to you by other people
- 00:43:51usually parental figures but not only
- 00:43:53could be teachers could be peers and so
- 00:43:55on and you you adopt this this imported
- 00:43:58identity identity from the outside it's
- 00:44:01not really you it's not an outcome of
- 00:44:04your exploration and your
- 00:44:06experimentation and your discoveries
- 00:44:08about yourself but you Lock Stock and
- 00:44:11Barrel borrow it from someone else and
- 00:44:15it becomes you and there's a failure to
- 00:44:17explore other options before the
- 00:44:19commitment is
- 00:44:20made uh there's also something called
- 00:44:23the diffusion status it's aect lack of
- 00:44:26both exploration and commitment and this
- 00:44:29was proposed in
- 00:44:311966 by the Canadian psychologist James
- 00:44:34Maria m a r CIA
- 00:44:37CIA proposed by the CIA so to summarize
- 00:44:42in Ericson theory of psychosocial
- 00:44:44development the experimental period of
- 00:44:47adolescence in which during the task of
- 00:44:51discovering who one is as an
- 00:44:54individual separ separate from the
- 00:44:56family of origin part as part of a
- 00:44:59broader social context so in this phase
- 00:45:02young people try out alternative roles
- 00:45:06before making permanent commitments to
- 00:45:08to to an identity adolescence who are
- 00:45:11unsuccessful at negotiating this stage
- 00:45:15this fifth
- 00:45:16stage they they end up being confused
- 00:45:20about their identity their role in life
- 00:45:22their social functioning who they are
- 00:45:25and what to expect of themselves and of
- 00:45:28others
- 00:45:30narcissist uh fail this stage as well
- 00:45:34borderlines fail this stage and usually
- 00:45:37get stuck in it but narcissist progress
- 00:45:40to Stage six narcissism is a failure of
- 00:45:44all eight
- 00:45:45stages borderline is a failure of the
- 00:45:48first five
- 00:45:49stages that's why grin suggested that
- 00:45:53borderline is a failed narcissist not
- 00:45:55non-graduating
- 00:45:57narcissist someone who is about to
- 00:45:59become a narcissist and stopped dead in
- 00:46:02its tracks in the identity confusion
- 00:46:06stage five
- 00:46:08phase The Narcissist progresses to Stage
- 00:46:11six which is intimacy versus isolation
- 00:46:14and this usually happens in late
- 00:46:16adolescence and early adulthood young
- 00:46:19adulthood uh probably up to age 25 or
- 00:46:23maybe today nowadays 2
- 00:46:26728 it involves flirting it involves
- 00:46:30first experimentation with sex courtship
- 00:46:33early family life and so on and it lost
- 00:46:35all the way to middle age and during
- 00:46:38this period individuals learn to share
- 00:46:43to care to be vulnerable with each other
- 00:46:47without the fear of being invaded taken
- 00:46:51over engulfed losing themselves so the
- 00:46:57boundaries acquired during the first two
- 00:46:59or three stages protect the individual
- 00:47:02allow the individual to open up to
- 00:47:05another person without fear or
- 00:47:09trepidation and this of course is a good
- 00:47:12definition of intimacy The Narcissist
- 00:47:15fails this it's narcist fails the six
- 00:47:19phase because a naris has failed in the
- 00:47:22previous five he doesn't trust anyone he
- 00:47:26he is not separated from his parental
- 00:47:28figures he is not an individual he has
- 00:47:31no identity he's a mess is AB an
- 00:47:34absolute mess and
- 00:47:39so he fails he fails to create intimacy
- 00:47:43because he cannot offer him himself
- 00:47:46there's no self there he cannot offer
- 00:47:49himself on the one hand and on the other
- 00:47:50hand he doesn't trust
- 00:47:53anyone to not hurt him he is learn to
- 00:47:56associate love with
- 00:47:59pain love with hurt love with
- 00:48:03performance and success with
- 00:48:06failure those were his thwarted
- 00:48:09distorted sick lessons from the previous
- 00:48:13five
- 00:48:14stages so he feels alone and isolated
- 00:48:18all the time narcissist feel alone and
- 00:48:21isolated all the time of course being
- 00:48:23narcissist they incorporate their
- 00:48:26loneliness and isolation into the
- 00:48:28cognitive distortion known as
- 00:48:31grandiosity they brag about being
- 00:48:34self-sufficient they don't need anyone
- 00:48:37see if I care in your face they def the
- 00:48:41consum they are you know they don't they
- 00:48:45they are totally independent autonomous
- 00:48:49this is a form of counter dependency of
- 00:48:52course
- 00:48:54so the narcis is having failed stage six
- 00:48:59unable to create true intimacy unable to
- 00:49:03commit in long-term
- 00:49:05relationships and even if he is in a
- 00:49:07long-term relationship he's not there
- 00:49:09he's absent because there's nobody there
- 00:49:12it's an emptiness an absence pretending
- 00:49:14to be a
- 00:49:15presence so this whole thing
- 00:49:19fails and narcissist feel infinitely and
- 00:49:24existentially alone all the
- 00:49:28time the development of a cohesive
- 00:49:30identity in the previous stage in stage
- 00:49:32five provides the opportunity to achieve
- 00:49:35true intimacy but the development of
- 00:49:38identity diffusion makes it harder if
- 00:49:41not impossible to achieve a positive
- 00:49:44outcome in stage six intimacy versus
- 00:49:50isolation having graduated stage
- 00:49:53six the narcissist is
- 00:49:57a person who doesn't trust anyone
- 00:49:59regards the world as hostile feels
- 00:50:02completely alone is confused about his
- 00:50:05or her
- 00:50:07identity constantly experiments with all
- 00:50:10kinds of things that lead nowhere
- 00:50:12constantly fails is not
- 00:50:15self-efficacious and don't confuse
- 00:50:18self-efficacy with accomplishments you
- 00:50:21could be a multi-billionaire you could
- 00:50:24be a president of of a country and still
- 00:50:27be a mega
- 00:50:29failure
- 00:50:31failure or success are not defined by
- 00:50:34what you
- 00:50:35possess or how high you
- 00:50:38climb failure and success are defined by
- 00:50:44integration inner
- 00:50:46peace capacity to live with yourself
- 00:50:49comfortably to not be
- 00:50:52constantly uh enslaved by your negative
- 00:50:55fects your envy your hatred your anger
- 00:50:58that is a definition of success and in
- 00:51:00this sense all narcissists never mind
- 00:51:03how accomplished our
- 00:51:06failures their failures and maybe the
- 00:51:09number one failure is the narcissist
- 00:51:12inability to engage in and experience
- 00:51:17intimacy and
- 00:51:19love what is a life lived without ever
- 00:51:24having felt love
- 00:51:26is this alive I don't think so so it's
- 00:51:30an extended
- 00:51:34prison the seventh stage in Ericson's
- 00:51:38eight stages of psychosocial development
- 00:51:41is known as generativity versus
- 00:51:44stagnation generativity is the positive
- 00:51:47goal in around middle midadulthood
- 00:51:51let's say 40 to to
- 00:51:5560 it's a positive goal interpreted in
- 00:51:59terms not only of procreation having
- 00:52:02children but also of creativity so you
- 00:52:05could be childless but creative and you
- 00:52:07don't need to be creative and win the
- 00:52:09Nobel Prize creativity could be any any
- 00:52:12kind of
- 00:52:13thing uh and so
- 00:52:17just regenerating renewing
- 00:52:21yourself refurbishing nurturing yourself
- 00:52:25is is known as gen
- 00:52:28generativity
- 00:52:29and
- 00:52:31sometimes this can this is done via
- 00:52:34parental and social responsibilities
- 00:52:36towards the Next Generation that's one
- 00:52:39way of of to obtain generativity it's
- 00:52:43one way to regenerate yourself to to
- 00:52:45revive or resuscitate yourself somehow
- 00:52:48it's one way but there are many others
- 00:52:50you write a book it's the same you
- 00:52:52sculpt you you you do art you you
- 00:52:56collect things you you help your
- 00:52:59neighbors your your you volunteer any of
- 00:53:04these things is a form of creativity
- 00:53:07because it
- 00:53:08involves taking your life as ra material
- 00:53:12and then shaping it shaping it into
- 00:53:14something
- 00:53:16recognizable and something that makes
- 00:53:18you feel good with yourself and makes
- 00:53:21others feel good with you so again
- 00:53:26typically this is done
- 00:53:28via VIA procreation having having
- 00:53:31children but not always increasingly
- 00:53:34less so in today's
- 00:53:38world
- 00:53:40so if you don't do any of these things
- 00:53:44if you don't create anything if you just
- 00:53:47if you if you just go through the
- 00:53:49motions you you robotically go through
- 00:53:53life you have stifling routines that
- 00:53:55never change or never lead anywhere
- 00:53:58they're maintenance
- 00:53:59routines and this is how you you waste
- 00:54:02your
- 00:54:03life this is stagnation this is
- 00:54:05self-absorption and this is fear of
- 00:54:09reality it's a form of constricted
- 00:54:12Fantasy
- 00:54:14Defense if I just
- 00:54:17freeze play dead constrict my life avoid
- 00:54:22others avoid reality avoid sh Alles
- 00:54:25avoid risks avoid dangers I'll be okay
- 00:54:29but of course by the time you avoid all
- 00:54:32these things you've avoided all these
- 00:54:33things you're not alive anymore by any
- 00:54:35definition of this
- 00:54:37word
- 00:54:39so either you're generative or you're
- 00:54:42mentally
- 00:54:43dead
- 00:54:46stagnated so
- 00:54:48self-absorbed that it's as if you've
- 00:54:50been swallowed by your own black hole
- 00:54:53and this is the condition of the
- 00:54:54narcissist
- 00:54:56and again creativity is not
- 00:54:58external a narcissist could be a
- 00:55:00best-selling author an amazing director
- 00:55:03of films an artist of world renown and
- 00:55:08yet and yet be stag
- 00:55:12native yet be
- 00:55:15self-absorbed creativity is not measured
- 00:55:18by output it's not an industrial process
- 00:55:20it's not a manufacturing process
- 00:55:23creativity is the ability
- 00:55:25to bring together desperate elements
- 00:55:28from within yourself in new ways to put
- 00:55:33yourself together to reassemble yourself
- 00:55:36without sacrificing your core identity
- 00:55:39in ways which yield new products new
- 00:55:43outcomes
- 00:55:45surprises new ways to interact with
- 00:55:48people and new ways to accommodate
- 00:55:50yourself in your environment and obtain
- 00:55:53favorable outcomes so
- 00:55:56creativity is about
- 00:55:59Reinventing Your Capacity to fit in not
- 00:56:04in the conformist shiple sense but to
- 00:56:06fit in uh in a way that would gratify
- 00:56:10your wishes and needs to realize your
- 00:56:13dreams muslo called it
- 00:56:17self-actualization narcissist never ever
- 00:56:20reached this stage not even remotely a
- 00:56:22narcissist who is a best-selling author
- 00:56:25is likely to deteriorate and degenerate
- 00:56:28into formulaic writing for example
- 00:56:32that's his way that will be his way of
- 00:56:35stagnating through in a process that
- 00:56:38appears to be creative but is
- 00:56:41not everything with narcissist is about
- 00:56:45appearances and when you're focused on
- 00:56:47appearance and not on substance when
- 00:56:50you're focused on spectacle and not on
- 00:56:53essence you can never be generative
- 00:56:57never you stagnate like so much
- 00:57:01quicksand or
- 00:57:02swamp and then you die and in this Final
- 00:57:06Phase the eighth stage and the last one
- 00:57:09final one of Ericson's eight stages of
- 00:57:12psychosocial development there is a
- 00:57:14battle between integrity and despair
- 00:57:18this happens in old age my
- 00:57:21age in this stage the individual refle s
- 00:57:26on the life they have lived and they may
- 00:57:28develop as a reaction either a sense of
- 00:57:32Integrity sense of satisfaction in the
- 00:57:35way they have lived a good life to use
- 00:57:41an Athenian fifth century phrase having
- 00:57:44lived a good
- 00:57:46life with a Mania and the ability to
- 00:57:49approach death with Equanimity because I
- 00:57:53made the best of my my life I've lived
- 00:57:55it to the
- 00:57:57full
- 00:57:59so this is a an Integrity response to
- 00:58:04soul searching an Integrity response to
- 00:58:07taking stock and account of the life you
- 00:58:10have lived is to say I have lived life
- 00:58:15the best way I could I never compromised
- 00:58:19I never sacrificed myself I never harmed
- 00:58:21myself I never destroyed or defeated or
- 00:58:24trashed myself myself I've been there
- 00:58:26for myself I self- loved but have never
- 00:58:29been
- 00:58:30narcissistic I knew
- 00:58:33myself I accepted my limitations and I
- 00:58:38leveraged my
- 00:58:39strength and I did the best with the
- 00:58:42cards that have been dealt and so now
- 00:58:45I'm ready to
- 00:58:47die I have no problem with that I don't
- 00:58:50feel that I've missed something this is
- 00:58:52the Integrity response narcissist
- 00:58:55approaches death with
- 00:58:58despair with a feeling of bitterness
- 00:59:00about opportunities missed time
- 00:59:03wasted a dread of the approaching
- 00:59:08end because it's an end to potentials
- 00:59:13that have never been realized the
- 00:59:16narcissist never
- 00:59:18becomes the
- 00:59:20narcissist always a thwarted
- 00:59:25suppressed
- 00:59:26potential and it's a horrible
- 00:59:29feeling mourning and grieving what you
- 00:59:32could have
- 00:59:33been and will never ever be because you
- 00:59:37don't have the basic tools to
- 00:59:43become
- ego
- narcissisme
- psychopathie
- Erik Erikson
- développement psychosocial
- identité
- parentalité
- psychologie
- stades de développement
- intimité