00:00:00
you mentioned anxiety before Uh imagine
00:00:02
how effective you'd be if you weren't
00:00:04
anxious all the time is is one of yours
00:00:06
And anxiety is the emotion dour of the
00:00:10
21st century And lots of driven people
00:00:12
very anxious very paranoid That's what's
00:00:14
caused them to be affected It pays so
00:00:16
much attention detail oriented not
00:00:18
letting things go staying up at night
00:00:20
thinking about it That's the paranoia
00:00:21
coming in What have you come to learn
00:00:23
about anxiety and dealing with it so
00:00:26
anxiety and stress are interesting
00:00:27
They're very related Stress is when uh
00:00:30
like if you look at an iron beam when an
00:00:32
iron beam is under stress it's because
00:00:33
it's being bent in two different
00:00:35
directions at the same time So when your
00:00:37
mind is under stress it's because it has
00:00:39
two conflicting desires at once So for
00:00:42
example you know you you want to be
00:00:44
liked but you want to do something
00:00:46
selfish and you can't reconcile the two
00:00:48
and so you're under stress Uh you want
00:00:50
to do something for somebody else you
00:00:52
want to do something for yourself right
00:00:53
these are examp you you don't want to go
00:00:55
to work but you want to make money so
00:00:56
you're under stress right so you have
00:00:59
two conflicting desires and I think one
00:01:01
of the ways to get through stress is to
00:01:03
acknowledge that oh I actually have two
00:01:05
conflicting desires and either I need to
00:01:08
resolve it I need to pick one and then
00:01:10
be okay losing the other or I will
00:01:12
decide later But at least just being
00:01:14
aware of why you're stress can help
00:01:16
alleviate a lot of stress And then
00:01:18
anxiety I think is sort of this
00:01:21
pervasive unidentifiable stress where
00:01:24
you're just kind of stressed out all the
00:01:25
time and you're not even sure why and
00:01:27
you can't even identify the underlying
00:01:28
problem I think the reason for that is
00:01:30
because you you have so many uh
00:01:33
unresolved problems unresolved stress
00:01:35
points that have piled up in your life
00:01:37
that you can no longer identify what the
00:01:39
problems are And there's this mountain
00:01:41
of garbage in your mind and it's a
00:01:43
little bit of it poking out the top like
00:01:45
an iceberg and that's anxiety But
00:01:48
underneath there's a lot of unresolved
00:01:49
things And so you just need to kind of
00:01:51
go through very carefully every time
00:01:53
you're anxious Like okay why am I
00:01:55
anxious this time i don't know why Oh
00:01:57
well let me sit here and just think
00:01:59
about it Let me let me write down what
00:02:00
the possible causes could be Let me
00:02:02
meditate on it Let me journal Let me
00:02:03
talk to a therapist Let me talk to my
00:02:05
friends Let me just kind of see like
00:02:07
when does that stress go away if you can
00:02:09
kind of identify and unravel and resolve
00:02:12
these issues then I think that helps get
00:02:14
rid of anxiety uh a lot of the anxiety
00:02:17
is piled up because we move through life
00:02:19
too quickly not observing our own
00:02:20
reactions to things We don't resolve
00:02:22
them So this goes counter to what I was
00:02:24
saying earlier about not reflecting too
00:02:26
much on things But you reflect on the
00:02:28
problems to observe them and solve them
00:02:29
You don't reflect on them to feel better
00:02:31
about to indulge them Well if if if
00:02:33
you're doing it to just feel better
00:02:34
about yourself that could be
00:02:37
strengthening your personality and your
00:02:38
ego and could be creating a more fragile
00:02:41
personality Um you know one one big
00:02:44
anxiety resolver for me is just
00:02:46
ruminating on death I think that's a
00:02:48
good one You're going to die It's all
00:02:49
going to zero You cannot take anything
00:02:51
with you And I know this is trit And I
00:02:53
know the the we don't spend enough time
00:02:55
thinking about the big questions We kind
00:02:57
of give up on them when we're very very
00:02:59
young You know a little child might ask
00:03:00
the big questions like why are we here
00:03:02
what's the meaning of life what is this
00:03:04
all about you know is there Santa Claus
00:03:06
is there God but then as adults we're
00:03:08
taught not to think about these things
00:03:09
or we've given up on them But I think
00:03:11
the big questions are the big questions
00:03:12
for good reasons And uh if you can keep
00:03:16
the idea in front of you at all times
00:03:18
that you're going to die and that
00:03:20
everything goes literally to
00:03:23
zero What's there to stress about yeah
00:03:26
For better or worse life is very short
00:03:29
How should people deal with its
00:03:30
briefness
00:03:32
enjoy
00:03:34
it Make the best of it You know it's
00:03:37
it's even briefer than that Each moment
00:03:39
just disappears it's gone There's only a
00:03:41
present moment and it's gone instantly
00:03:43
So if you're not if you're not there for
00:03:45
it if you're stressed out or you're
00:03:46
anxious or you're thinking about
00:03:48
something else you missed it So you're
00:03:50
any moment when you're not in that
00:03:52
moment you are dead to that moment You
00:03:55
might as well be dead because your mind
00:03:57
is off doing something else or you know
00:04:00
living in some imagined reality that is
00:04:02
just a very poor substitute for the
00:04:04
actual reality So one of my recent
00:04:07
realizations was what is wasted time
00:04:11
what is a what is a waste of time so I
00:04:13
don't like to waste time but what is
00:04:14
wasted time and everything is wasted
00:04:18
time in a sense because nothing matters
00:04:20
in the ultimate Uh but in each moment
00:04:24
the thing matters In each moment it's
00:04:26
the only thing that matters actually the
00:04:28
what's happening in front of you is
00:04:29
literally has all the meaning in the
00:04:30
world And so what matters is just being
00:04:34
present for the thing So if you're doing
00:04:36
something that you want to do and you're
00:04:38
fully there for it then it's not wasted
00:04:40
time If you don't want to do it and your
00:04:42
mind is running away from it and you're
00:04:44
reacting against it and you're wishing
00:04:46
you were somewhere else and you're
00:04:47
thinking about some other thing or
00:04:49
you're anticipating some future thing or
00:04:51
regretting some past thing or being
00:04:52
fearful of something then that's wasted
00:04:55
time That's time that's being wasted
00:04:57
when you're not actually present for the
00:04:58
reality in front of you So my definition
00:05:00
of wasted time yes I do want some
00:05:02
material things in life and I you know
00:05:04
there there are things that have more
00:05:06
value than others within this life but
00:05:07
this life is very short and bounded So
00:05:09
the true wasted time is a time that
00:05:11
you're not present for when you are not
00:05:14
there for it When you're not doing the
00:05:16
thing you want to do to the best of your
00:05:19
capability such that you're immersed in
00:05:20
it If you're not immersed in this moment
00:05:22
then you're wasting your time People get
00:05:24
worried about dying and no longer being
00:05:26
here but they don't realize that so much
00:05:27
of their life is spent not being here in
00:05:30
any case That's right But and I think
00:05:32
people crave being here for it And and
00:05:35
and when you're here for it you're
00:05:37
actually not thinking about yourself You
00:05:39
are more immersed in the thing the the
00:05:42
moment the task at hand We don't want
00:05:43
peace of mind We want peace for our mind
00:05:45
That's right Yeah You don't peace The
00:05:47
mind is what can eat you alive if you
00:05:49
let it And there's more to you than the
00:05:51
mind How so
00:05:54
well I mean the
00:05:56
very I don't want to disassemble the
00:05:59
body so to speak right because please go
00:06:02
on Yeah At the end of the day like
00:06:04
everything arises within your
00:06:05
consciousness right you you got nowhere
00:06:07
else to experience it Sorry You've got
00:06:09
nowhere else to experience Nowhere else
00:06:10
to experience it And that consciousness
00:06:11
is uh relatively static in the sense
00:06:14
that it's been exactly the same from the
00:06:15
moment you were born to the moment you
00:06:16
die And everything that you experience
00:06:18
from your body from your mind to the
00:06:20
world to to everything is within that
00:06:23
consciousness Uh and that thing that
00:06:25
base layer of being and this is what the
00:06:27
Buddhists will tell you is the real
00:06:29
thing Everything that comes and goes in
00:06:31
the middle including your mind including
00:06:33
your body is unreal And trying to find
00:06:37
stability in those transient things is
00:06:39
is your castle that you're building on
00:06:41
sand that's going to crumble Life is
00:06:43
going to play out the way it's going to
00:06:44
play out There will be some good and
00:06:46
some bad Most of it is actually just up
00:06:48
to your interpretation You're born you
00:06:50
have a set of sensory experiences and
00:06:52
then you die How you choose to interpret
00:06:54
those experiences is up to you And
00:06:56
different people interpret them in
00:06:57
different ways Yeah The old line about
00:06:59
two people walking down the street
00:07:00
They're having the exact same experience
00:07:02
One is h experience One is happy one is
00:07:04
sad right it's a narrative in their
00:07:06
heads It's how they choose to interpret
00:07:08
Um so I think when I said that it was a
00:07:10
long time ago I was talking more about
00:07:12
having positive interpretations and
00:07:13
negative interpretations But these days
00:07:15
I think it's better just not to have any
00:07:17
interpretations and to just allow things
00:07:19
to
00:07:20
be You're still going to have
00:07:22
interpretations You can't stop it Uh and
00:07:25
nor should you try But even that having
00:07:28
an interpretation is just a thing you
00:07:29
can leave alone
00:07:31
Yeah I really want to try and just dig
00:07:32
in a little more to the best way to
00:07:36
remind people that they should value
00:07:37
their time just how brief it is that the
00:07:41
time that you spend ruminating being
00:07:43
distracted fears of the past
00:07:46
regrets
00:07:51
Well I don't want to tell anybody how to
00:07:53
live their life I would just say that to
00:07:55
the extent that you want to improve your
00:07:57
quality of life the uh the easiest and
00:08:00
best way to do that is to observe your
00:08:03
own mind and your own thoughts and and
00:08:06
be a little not not necessarily critical
00:08:08
but um be observant of yourself more
00:08:11
objectively and then you'll kind of
00:08:13
realize your own loops and patterns It
00:08:15
takes time It's not it's not overnight
00:08:16
It's not instantaneous So you mean
00:08:18
letting go is not a one-time event Yeah
00:08:20
And and there's letting go is not
00:08:22
necessarily even the right answer Like
00:08:24
yes if you're trying to be an
00:08:25
enlightened being and you know you want
00:08:27
to live like a god and everything's
00:08:28
going to be perfect and be a Buddha sure
00:08:29
you can let go But uh I think in
00:08:31
practice it's actually quite hard to do
00:08:34
Um I think I would say that it's uh
00:08:38
you're going to find a lot of
00:08:39
fulfillment out of life by just doing
00:08:41
what you want to do and genuinely
00:08:43
exploring what it is that you want
00:08:46
rather than doing what other people
00:08:47
expect you to do or society expects you
00:08:49
to do or what you might just think
00:08:50
should be done by default Um you know I
00:08:54
think most older successful people will
00:08:57
tell you that their life was best when
00:08:59
they lived it unapologetically on their
00:09:01
own terms
00:09:03
Be selfish Holistic selfishness We can
00:09:06
clip that little selfish Yeah Yeah Yeah
00:09:10
Keep running back Bad guy Great I I had
00:09:12
this insight or a question I guess How
00:09:15
much do you think that we should trust
00:09:16
the voice in our heads because half of
00:09:19
wisdom suggests to rely on your sort of
00:09:21
bottomup intuition and then half of it
00:09:24
has to be sort of top down rational as
00:09:26
possible How do you navigate the tension
00:09:28
between head and gut in this way
00:09:32
i think the gut is what decides Um the
00:09:35
head is kind of what rationalizes it
00:09:37
afterwards The gut is the ultimate
00:09:39
decision maker If it doesn't and and
00:09:40
what is the gut the gut is refined
00:09:43
judgment It's taste aggregate Aggregated
00:09:45
and it could be aggregated through
00:09:47
evolution uh and it's in your genes and
00:09:49
your DNA or it could be aggregated
00:09:51
through your experiences and what you've
00:09:53
thought through The mind is good at
00:09:55
solving new problems and uh new problems
00:09:58
in the external world that have defi
00:10:01
defined edges you know beginnings and
00:10:03
ends and and
00:10:04
objectives What the mind is actually
00:10:06
really bad at is making hard decisions
00:10:09
So when you have a hard decision to make
00:10:11
I find it's better to yes you ruminate
00:10:13
on it You think through all the pros and
00:10:14
cons but then you sleep on it You wait a
00:10:16
couple of days You wait until the gut
00:10:18
answer appears with conviction and it
00:10:20
feels right And when you're younger it
00:10:23
takes longer because you just don't have
00:10:24
as much experience And when you're older
00:10:27
uh it can happen much faster which is
00:10:29
why you know and you have less time to
00:10:31
Yeah And old people just more set in
00:10:32
their ways as a consequence right they
00:10:34
know what they want They know what they
00:10:35
don't want Um so it takes time to
00:10:38
develop your gut instinct and judgment
00:10:40
But once you've developed them don't
00:10:42
trust anything else because you can't go
00:10:43
against your gut It'll bite you in the
00:10:45
end Uh usually in relationships that
00:10:47
failed you can look back and say "Oh
00:10:49
actually I knew it was going to fail
00:10:50
because of this reason but I kind of
00:10:51
went ahead anyway because I wanted it to
00:10:54
be this way right i wanted this person
00:10:56
to be a different way than they are or I
00:10:57
wanted to get a different thing out of
00:10:59
it than I thought I was going to than I
00:11:00
knew I was going to get but I just
00:11:02
wanted it." So sometimes desire will
00:11:04
override your judgment and then trap
00:11:07
Yeah Wishful thinking It traps you into
00:11:09
a into a pathway that chews up time As
00:11:12
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00:12:18
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