How some friendships last — and others don’t - Iseult Gillespie

00:04:59
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOVdiDUlNsg

Zusammenfassung

TLDRFriendships significantly influence our lives, affecting our perceptions, academic success, emotional development, and health. Studies show that people often underestimate their likability, a phenomenon known as the 'liking gap.' To foster friendships, it's beneficial to approach new people with the expectation of being liked, which can enhance warmth and friendliness. Intimate friendships are characterized by companionship and closeness, both of which can be nurtured through shared interests and consistent communication. Even during conflicts, open conversations can strengthen relationships. Ultimately, while some friendships may change or end, the opportunity to make new friends is always present.

Mitbringsel

  • 🤝 Friendships influence our perception of challenges, like the steepness of a hill.
  • 📚 Good friends can boost academic performance and emotional resilience.
  • 💬 The 'liking gap' shows we often underestimate how much others enjoy our company.
  • 🌟 Expecting to be liked can make you appear friendlier and warmer.
  • 🗣️ Open communication is key to resolving conflicts in friendships.
  • 📅 Consistency in plans and communication strengthens friendships.
  • 🌍 Long-distance friendships can thrive with regular contact.
  • 💔 Some friendships may end, but new ones can always be formed.
  • 👫 Companionship and closeness are essential for deeper friendships.
  • 💪 Healthy habits can benefit all types of friendships.

Zeitleiste

  • 00:00:00 - 00:04:59

    The 2008 study highlights how friendships influence our perceptions, such as judging the steepness of a hill. Friendships enhance academic performance, help cope with setbacks, and improve health. Childhood and teenage relationships shape beliefs and emotional growth. Making friends can be challenging, but understanding the 'liking gap'—the tendency to underestimate how much others enjoy our company—can help. Approaching new people with the expectation of being liked can foster warmth and friendliness, boosting confidence in social interactions.

Mind Map

Video-Fragen und Antworten

  • What is the 'liking gap'?

    The 'liking gap' is the tendency to underestimate how much others enjoy our company.

  • How can I improve my chances of making friends?

    Approach new people with the expectation that they will like you, which can make you appear warmer and friendlier.

  • What are the key features of intimate friendships?

    Companionship and closeness are the two key features of more intimate friendships.

  • How can I maintain long-distance friendships?

    Regular communication through chatting and texting can help maintain intimacy and trust in long-distance friendships.

  • What should I do if I have a conflict with a friend?

    Talk about the issue openly, share your feelings without judgment, and invite your friend to share their perspective.

  • Is it ever too late to make new friends?

    No, it's never too late to make a new friend.

  • What benefits do friendships provide?

    Friendships can boost academic performance, help deal with setbacks, and improve health.

  • How can companionship benefit friendships?

    Companionship can improve self-esteem and increase resilience to stress.

  • What is the importance of consistency in friendships?

    Consistency helps build and maintain friendships by sticking to plans and regularly communicating.

  • What challenges do teenage friendships face?

    Teenage friendships often face competition, betrayal, and the inability to support each other during tough times.

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Untertitel
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Automatisches Blättern:
  • 00:00:06
    In a 2008 study,
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    psychologists asked participants to rate the steepness of a hill.
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    Those who were accompanied by a good friend
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    judged the hill to be less steep than people who were alone.
  • 00:00:20
    This is just one of many ways friendships can change how we see and move
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    through the world.
  • 00:00:25
    Friendships can boost our academic performance,
  • 00:00:28
    help us deal with setbacks, and even improve our health.
  • 00:00:32
    And the relationships we form in our childhood and teenage years
  • 00:00:36
    can shape our beliefs, values, and emotional growth.
  • 00:00:40
    It's clear that friendships are important,
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    but making and maintaining friends isn't always easy.
  • 00:00:47
    Let's start at the beginning.
  • 00:00:48
    If you struggle with approaching new people, you are far from alone.
  • 00:00:52
    In a series of studies, participants had conversations of varying lengths
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    with strangers.
  • 00:00:58
    Afterward, they were asked to estimate how much they thought
  • 00:01:01
    each stranger liked them.
  • 00:01:03
    Across the board, participants rated their own likability
  • 00:01:07
    much lower than others had actually rated them.
  • 00:01:10
    Scientists dubbed this tendency to underestimate how much others
  • 00:01:14
    enjoy our company as the “liking gap.”
  • 00:01:17
    So, before meeting new people,
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    it may be helpful to psych yourself up
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    and remember that others like you more than you think.
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    You may even want to enter these conversations assuming
  • 00:01:29
    that the other person will like you.
  • 00:01:31
    Known as the “acceptance prophecy,”
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    psychologists find that when people expect to be well-liked,
  • 00:01:37
    they often unknowingly come across as warmer and friendlier.
  • 00:01:42
    And the more new people you meet, the more confident you’ll likely feel.
  • 00:01:47
    In one study, people who talked to just one new person each day for a week
  • 00:01:52
    reported feeling less afraid of rejection,
  • 00:01:55
    more secure in their conversational skills,
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    and more excited to meet new people overall.
  • 00:02:01
    Next, what’s happening when relationships grow from casual acquaintances
  • 00:02:05
    to confidants?
  • 00:02:07
    Psychologists have identified two key features of more intimate friendships:
  • 00:02:12
    companionship and closeness.
  • 00:02:14
    Companionship is defined as the rapport or understanding
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    that blooms between people with similar hobbies, interests, or values.
  • 00:02:22
    Sometimes, just being in the same class or team is enough
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    to build this connection.
  • 00:02:27
    And companionship has many benefits—
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    it’s been shown to improve self-esteem and increase our resilience to stress.
  • 00:02:36
    Closeness, on the other hand, looks different for every relationship.
  • 00:02:40
    It might mean supporting each other through difficult times
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    or feeling comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings.
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    But not every friendship has to get deeply personal, especially at first.
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    Simply telling a friend about your day or sharing your interests
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    can help build closeness.
  • 00:02:57
    While every friendship develops on its own timeline,
  • 00:03:00
    consistency can help,
  • 00:03:02
    which can include sticking to plans, chatting regularly,
  • 00:03:06
    and remembering the things that are important to each other.
  • 00:03:09
    This holds true even for long-distance friendships.
  • 00:03:12
    Chatting and texting can keep these relationships strong—
  • 00:03:16
    as long as they remain intimate, trusting, and consistent.
  • 00:03:21
    Yet even the closest friendships hit rough patches.
  • 00:03:24
    This is especially true for teenage friendships,
  • 00:03:27
    when people often navigate different types of challenges for the first time.
  • 00:03:31
    For example, there might be a situation that puts two friends in competition—
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    like applying to the same college.
  • 00:03:38
    One might betray the other's confidence or make a hurtful comment.
  • 00:03:43
    And these relationships can also falter when one person feels unable or unwilling
  • 00:03:48
    to support the other through challenging situations—
  • 00:03:51
    like breakups, illnesses, or personal tragedies.
  • 00:03:55
    The most surefire way to deal with rifts is to talk about them.
  • 00:04:00
    These conversations can be tough and awkward.
  • 00:04:03
    But if they’re approached in the right way,
  • 00:04:05
    they can strengthen friendships in the long run.
  • 00:04:09
    Before these difficult conversations,
  • 00:04:11
    try to remind yourselves to show up without judgment.
  • 00:04:15
    Avoid getting too defensive or making accusations—
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    instead, share how the situation is making you feel and invite them to do the same.
  • 00:04:25
    Some friendships naturally come to an end.
  • 00:04:28
    Others change.
  • 00:04:30
    Whether new buddies or lifelong pals,
  • 00:04:33
    all friendships can benefit from building healthy habits.
  • 00:04:36
    And it’s never too late to make a new friend.
Tags
  • friendship
  • liking gap
  • acceptance prophecy
  • companionship
  • closeness
  • communication
  • conflict resolution
  • long-distance friendships
  • emotional growth
  • social skills