00:00:00
Singles, do this while waiting for your spouse.
Singleness is a great gift from God and this is
00:00:09
not only a gift but it's a season that should be
stewarded responsibly. Myself being single for
00:00:17
24 years and I'm glad that season is over but
I do want to share something about the season
00:00:23
of singleness. It seems that more and more
people are waiting until they get married
00:00:30
and actually statistic confirms that those
who wait a little bit longer for marriage,
00:00:35
they seem to mature more and their marriages have
better chance of having happiness, joy and those
00:00:44
marriages seem to last also during our previous
live stream, I've noticed that a lot of people
00:00:50
who watch our ministries videos, read the books
are single. May I remind you that our Savior Jesus
00:01:00
was single. So being single is not some kind of
a sickness, some kind of a plague or a curse.
00:01:08
It's a blessing and there's proper ways that you
can live your single life in a way that can help
00:01:14
you to prepare for the next season. So the next
following thoughts I'm going to share with you,
00:01:20
I want to share them in mind to better your single
years and to actually bring some freedom to some
00:01:27
of you who are living maybe in this constant
state of desperation, impatience, loneliness and
00:01:35
sadness. First of all, what I want to highlight
is singleness is not necessarily being unmarried,
00:01:42
it's the state of being whole. Now I understand
that today we use the word singleness to define
00:01:48
someone's not being married but if you take
the dictionary word for 'singleness.' one of
00:01:55
the definitions is it's being whole, being
unique, being one, being not broken, not
00:02:03
divided. Singleness is not a sickness. It's not a
disease. It's a state to be desired and enjoyed.
00:02:14
I would say even to be single is required to be
genuinely happy even in your future relationships
00:02:23
because to be single means to be whole. It's less
than not being married, I'm not in a relation
00:02:30
ship. No, it's being whole. It's being one. It's
being not broken and that state you should pursue
00:02:37
even when you get married you should continuously
pursue the state of being whole, of being unique
00:02:44
and being the person that is healed. When you are
single, apostle Paul tells us that you actually
00:02:51
have more time, less distractions to pursue God.
So many people when they are single, they look
00:02:58
at that season of their life with the sense of
sadness, sense of like they're missing out on the
00:03:05
true happiness in their life which is marriage.
So many Christians, they postpone their ministry,
00:03:11
their education, the betterment of themselves
until they get married. They think that's when the
00:03:18
true fulfillment exists but in reality, you can
be as fulfilled as whole and as happy, financially
00:03:27
blessed being single, before you even get married.
So I want to encourage you to rethink even that
00:03:34
definition of singleness. This is not just a state
of being unmarried, it's a state of being whole,
00:03:41
being unique and being an individual that God made
you to be. The second thing I want to highlight is
00:03:50
it's okay to be single and alone but it's not okay
to be single and lonely. When you are alone, it
00:04:00
indicates you're not in a romantic relationship.
When you are lonely, that communicates that you
00:04:07
have some emotional unmet needs. Perhaps hurts
and discouragements and sense of feeling like
00:04:16
you don't belong and nobody loves you and you're
not connected to anyone from family or friends and
00:04:22
that is a dangerous place to be. When God created
us, He said, it's not good for man to be alone.
00:04:29
Now Adam wasn't lonely per se because Adam had God
in the garden but Adam was alone in the sense that
00:04:38
Adam wasn't married. He didn't have other human
beings in his life. I mean he didn't have any
00:04:43
human beings at all except just animals but this
season of being alone for Adam didn't last very
00:04:49
long because the Bible says that Eve was created
on the same day that Adam was created not at the
00:04:54
same time but on the same day. So this issue of
being alone was really solved for Adam when Eve
00:05:01
came. Today we have family, we have friends, we
have church family and so there's no reason you
00:05:07
as a Christian should live your life being lonely
as a single person. Now here's few reasons why
00:05:15
many of us suffer loneliness. Many of us come
from broken family members and because of that,
00:05:22
we come from a broken family unit, the traditional
family is under attack. Mom, dad, brothers and
00:05:28
sisters and because we come from broken families,
many of us develop rejection. We develop wounds
00:05:35
and we develop loneliness where we feel like we
don't belong. Nobody loves us. Nobody told us that
00:05:41
they love us. We didn't experience family dinners.
We didn't experience family vacations. We didn't
00:05:46
experience dad and mom loving each other. Even
if you come from a family that were not believers
00:05:53
but you saw a healthy family dynamic, it does
something emotionally to you that's healthy,
00:06:00
where you grow up as an individual that's not
filled with sadness and filled with loneliness.
00:06:07
Why is that dangerous for a single person? Because
if you are battling with feelings of insecurity,
00:06:15
the feelings of feeling alone, feeling like
you don't belong anywhere; you will develop
00:06:21
an expectation of marriage that's not healthy. You
will think that marriage will come and solve that.
00:06:28
If I only have someone that loves me in a romantic
way then I will no longer feel like I'm rejected,
00:06:36
I'm not loved and I'm not good enough and in
the beginning, the feelings of infatuation being
00:06:43
wanted by someone will put a band aid on that
emotional wound but once you get married, you'll
00:06:49
realize that those feelings do not get solved by
marriage. You need something more than marriage to
00:06:56
bring solution to that. The other reason why many
of us feel lonely today being single is because we
00:07:04
live in a generation that cares more about your
success than about being closely connected to a
00:07:11
community meaning, people often focus more on
their achievements rather than building strong
00:07:17
relationships with others. The whole culture you
live in today mostly focuses on your achievements,
00:07:25
focuses on accomplishments. Make sure you get the
degree, make sure you get the that house, make
00:07:30
sure you get that car, make sure you get ahead in
life. Relationships, community are put always on
00:07:38
the second and sometimes, even non-existence
and most of us would even sacrifice family,
00:07:44
friends and relationships just to get ahead and
what that does, the consequences of that is that
00:07:51
we sometimes achieve things but we are lonely and
we spend time with our pillow at night because we
00:07:58
don't have friends. We make food into our friend.
We make alcohol into our friend. We make other
00:08:04
things, success, money into our friend because we
actually don't have real friends. That's a problem
00:08:10
with our culture and we need to fix that. Another
way is that the way we have fun and the way we
00:08:15
relax has changed a lot. Especially for those of
us who are single people. Nowadays, more people
00:08:22
spend time looking at their screens and doing
things alone and they hang out less with other
00:08:28
people. So what I want to encourage you if you
are single and you are lonely, marriage won't fix
00:08:35
that. You need to work on that right now. You need
to go to Jesus so that that emotional need is met
00:08:43
by the Holy Spirit. Jesus says, I'll never leave
you and I'll never forsake you. He also said, I'll
00:08:48
never leave you as orphans. Some people actually
have an unclean spirit of loneliness where they've
00:08:54
been loved by people. They have a good family
but they don't feel like they belong and they
00:08:58
need experienced deliverance. Some people have
experienced rejection in their life and they have
00:09:04
believed the lies of the enemy and they need to
break down demonic strongholds. In fact when I was
00:09:10
single, that was me. I didn't feel like I belonged
in so many circles and at first, I judged those
00:09:17
circles and I said well, they're just you know so
mean. They kicked me out of this. They kicked me
00:09:21
out of that. They didn't invite me to this and
I feel like people don't want to be my friend
00:09:25
and plus, I was bit awkward socially with people.
So some of it I guess I deserved it. Some of it
00:09:32
people just kind of didn't include me in things
and then what started to happen is I started to
00:09:37
develop this self-rejection that became this like
almost prophetic thing about me where everywhere
00:09:43
I would go, I would feel rejected and because of
that, I would get more rejected which reinforced
00:09:48
this feeling, I don't belong anywhere. You know
in that state, if I would have gotten married,
00:09:55
it would have been a disaster. In that state,
I needed deliverance. I needed breakthrough. I
00:10:00
needed breaking down strongholds so that I don't
go into a relationship expecting my spouse to now
00:10:08
solve this. I needed to deal with this and I
had to get alone with God. I had to also learn
00:10:14
to forgive people. I had to learn to trust people
and I had to also sometimes come out of my little
00:10:19
awkwardness and insert myself into communities,
relationships where I in fact would rather just
00:10:27
be alone and not be in those places because I know
that I need to be in those communities. I need
00:10:32
to develop as a mature healthy human being that
enjoys relationships and does not run from people.
00:10:40
So then when I went into marriage, now marriage
doesn't have to solve this problem. So something
00:10:47
as a single person that I want you to be aware
of. The other thing is that being single won't
00:10:51
kill you, being married won't heal you. Marriage,
you have to understand something about marriage
00:10:59
is that marriage is not your savior. Marriage
is not your healer. It is true there are certain
00:11:05
things love will heal in marriage but your
healer and your deliverer is Jesus Christ.
00:11:12
If you've experienced abuse as a child, if
you've experienced rejection as a teenager,
00:11:19
if you have experienced abandonment, marriage
won't really solve that. Jesus will solve that.
00:11:25
What marriage will do is it will magnify what
you have on the inside. So if you are a single
00:11:32
person and you are lonely, marriage will make you
a little bit more lonely and nothing is worse than
00:11:39
being married and being lonely. If you are as a
single person addicted to pornography, marriage
00:11:46
won't solve that. Marriage will not deliver you
from pornography. Jesus didn't say to people who
00:11:51
are addicted to sexual immorality and say, yeah
just find a spouse. He said no, cut off the hand,
00:11:58
remove the eye meaning, you need to deal with this
sin. It is true that Paul tells those people to
00:12:03
get married instead of burning with lust but Paul
is never prescribing marriage as a solution for
00:12:10
sexual immorality. He's just saying that marriage
helps to protect us and build a stronger mechanism
00:12:17
of defense against sexual immorality but marriage
is not your savior. Marriage is like a magnifying
00:12:23
glass. It will really magnify what you got
inside. If you are not good with finances,
00:12:29
marriage is not going to change that without you
putting in some work. If you're bad communicating,
00:12:36
marriage isn't going to solve that, marriage is
going to expose that and magnify that. So marriage
00:12:41
doesn't really satisfy, marriage magnifies.
If you're happy as a single person, if you get
00:12:48
married, most likely generally speaking, you'll
be more happy. If you're walking in purity as
00:12:54
a single person, you get married, marriage will
help you to walk even more in purity because now
00:13:01
you have another disciple of Jesus who is helping
you to become more of a follower of Jesus Christ,
00:13:08
sharpening you and challenging you and that's
really what marriage is. I like to say like
00:13:12
this is that marriage doesn't heal your holes,
it reveals your holes. So marriage doesn't make
00:13:21
you whole, it reveals your holes. We all have some
holes inside. We all have some hurts. We have some
00:13:27
wounds. We all have some struggles and marriage
doesn't fix all of that. Marriage sometimes what
00:13:34
it does is it puts pressure where all of those
things that you were not dealing with as a single
00:13:39
person come to the surface. So today if you are
a single person, don't postpone your deliverance,
00:13:47
breaking down strongholds, submitting yourself
to Christ, dealing with those things that maybe
00:13:52
you're postponing to marriage because marriage is
not going to have this beautiful thing where all
00:13:57
of these problems should be solved. In fact,
some of us will have to roll up our sleeves
00:14:02
and deal with these problems that currently we
are ignoring. The challenge with marriages is
00:14:09
this is when you walk into marriage as a single
person and you have unrealistic expectation that
00:14:14
this person is going to solve all of your problems
but in reality, they won't. So as a single person,
00:14:23
become whole. Secondly as a single
person, begin to deal with loneliness,
00:14:30
feeling alone, insecurities. Begin to deal with
those things and as a single person, begin to
00:14:36
understand that your relationship with God is
the cure for the things that you are dealing with
00:14:42
right now. Your relationship with God makes you
whole. When you are a single, what really makes
00:14:48
you whole is when you become filled with Jesus's
love and His presence. When I think of one of the
00:14:55
single people in the Bible, his name was Adam.
Adam was so lost in God that it was God who told
00:15:02
Adam that he was alone, he didn't feel alone we
don't see Adam complaining to God and saying God,
00:15:09
I feel lonely, can you send someone? It was
God who told Adam you were alone. So if you're
00:15:15
a single person and you're complaining, man,
I'm just feeling so lonely, I need a spouse.
00:15:20
I'm desperate. I'm impatient right now. Perhaps
you need to spend a little bit more time with the
00:15:27
Lord and some healing needs to take place in
your life so that you don't walk and live out
00:15:34
those negative toxic emotions. Someone said one
time that you need to be so lost in God that the
00:15:41
other person has to look for God to find you. Get
so lost in God that the other person has to look
00:15:49
for God to find you. So develop that closeness
with the Lord. Now the other part that I want to
00:15:56
highlight not only about being whole and not only
about overcoming insecurities and these negative
00:16:02
emotions and not postponing that to marriage and
to develop our relationship with God but also to
00:16:08
be single and holy not horny. What happens with
a lot of single people is this is they begin to
00:16:18
flirt with sin, fornicate, co-habitate and they're
like well, I'm not ready for marriage but I'm
00:16:27
ready to mess around. I'm ready to try things you
know I'm ready to experiment you know I'm ready to
00:16:35
go into relationships to just see how they fit
me and they pretty much what they do a lot of
00:16:41
times is sometimes even men or women begin to opt
to masturbation, begin to opt to one night stand,
00:16:48
begin to opt to pornography and other things
to say you know what, I have these desires and
00:16:53
they're very big needs and I need to meet them
some way and so this is the way I'm going to meet
00:17:00
them before I get married. Now as a Christian, if
you're watching and you're a believer, that's a
00:17:07
sin to do those things and I want to challenge you
as a Christian single person to live in purity.
00:17:14
Jesus Christ was a virgin as a single man. He was
pure. He was sexually pure, okay and so He lived
00:17:24
that life as an example for you and I. At the age
of 33, He was killed on the cross for our sins,
00:17:30
He was crucified. So for those of you who
maybe look at your single life and you're like,
00:17:34
that's impossible to live pure while being single.
It's impossible to live holy. Maybe it feels like
00:17:42
impossible. With the power of the Holy Spirit that
helped Jesus to live pure, you can live pure. You
00:17:48
don't have to believe in the cultural pattern
of what it's like to be a single person. You
00:17:55
don't need to experiment sexually to get better
and qualified and be more experienced. Think of
00:18:03
sex as like a super glue. You don't play with
super glue. You put the super glue specifically
00:18:11
in the place you intend for the super glue to glue
things permanently to cement things permanently.
00:18:18
You don't take a super glue for a spin. You're
like let me just put it on my hands right now
00:18:21
and just see if it works. No, you trust the label
that it works and you intentionally put it in the
00:18:27
place where you expect it to cement two objects
together. Think of sex the same way. In the same
00:18:35
way, we should be thinking about these things
that lead to sexual immorality like flirting,
00:18:40
like living in a way that is just not
pleasing to God, hints of immorality. A
00:18:45
lot of times what happens with young people,
especially Christians and they're like well,
00:18:48
you know as long as I don't cross the line you
know and the line is to have the sexual sin but
00:18:53
if I do a b c d. It's completely fine. Think of
Joseph. He was a single man. He was in a foreign
00:19:02
country. His life wasn't very good in the sense
that he was rejected. Somebody already fabricated
00:19:09
his death certificate said, that he's dead,
told his dad he died. The guy was sold as a
00:19:14
slave. He was in the Potiphar's house. You know
he could have easily said yeah, you know I could
00:19:20
just flirt a little bit with sin there and there.
Plus I'm a single man you know I have needs. You
00:19:25
know I have sexual desires and you know plus the
Potiphar's wife is you know casting these longing
00:19:31
eyes on me and the Bible says, that Joseph didn't
flirt with sin meaning, he didn't put himself in
00:19:37
situations intentionally to find himself wrestling
with things he could have avoided. In fact,
00:19:44
he fled from those sexual temptations. I want
to challenge you as a person that is single,
00:19:51
live your life in the way that is sexually pure.
Stop saying that sex is your need, okay. You know
00:19:59
what your need is what you cannot live without is
water, air, food, okay. This idea that if I don't
00:20:09
have sex, I'm going to die. The Bible tells us
to control our biology, our urges, our desires,
00:20:18
to possess our vessel. You're not an animal.
An animal is driven by their appetites. As a
00:20:26
single person, to be holy, you have to embrace the
truth. You're made in the image and likeness of
00:20:34
God. You are a spirit. You live in a physical body
that has desires, cravings, appetites and lusts
00:20:44
because you're made in the image of God, you can
control those desires. It says in Thessalonians,
00:20:51
this is the will of God, your sanctification,
that you will learn how to possess your vessel
00:20:57
with honor. So do not believe in this lie. I can't
control it. You just don't understand. I just have
00:21:03
to do this thing because you know it's better
than me committing fornication with somebody.
00:21:08
You know I watch porn because it's better. I'm
not hurting anybody. I masturbate because you
00:21:13
know I'm not hurting anybody. You know I'm
messing around a little bit because but I'm
00:21:18
not hurting anybody. It's consensual and you know
I am just preserving, trying to meet these needs
00:21:25
that I have. I know where this is coming from, for
most of us. We went to school and they taught us
00:21:32
that we came from monkeys and most of us act like
monkeys. You know what the difference between the
00:21:38
animal kingdom and us is the animals are driven by
their appetites. We're not driven. We supposed to
00:21:44
rule our appetites. You can't walk in holiness
if you don't accept this truth that you're not
00:21:50
an animal. Live like a person that controls their
appetites. Let your theology control your biology.
00:21:59
Let your spirituality control your passions. Let
your principles direct your passions. Live holy.
00:22:07
Commit to righteousness. On this same note, let
me just highlight something. Act today with the
00:22:15
opposite sex like you would if you would have been
married. For example, a lot of times when you're
00:22:22
single and people allow themselves to develop very
close relationships with the opposite sex and I
00:22:29
understand this could be a point of disagreement
with some of you but the Bible says in Proverbs
00:22:35
that he who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains a favor from the Lord. Interesting,
00:22:40
that it doesn't say he who finds a girl meaning,
this lady, she's already a wife material. He who
00:22:48
finds a wife. She has already been acting like
a wife in a sense, she's been already positioned
00:22:54
in her attitude and in her behavior you know
sometimes people would ask me is it okay if I
00:22:59
am single to just you know DM the opposite sex,
hang out with them all the time one-on-one and
00:23:06
I ask the following question. I said, would
you do that if you would be married? And so
00:23:11
if the answer is no then you shouldn't be doing
that when you're single. Limit your gatherings,
00:23:16
your meetings more in the group. Do not try to
develop these close emotional relationships with
00:23:21
the opposite sex even if your intents are pure but
sometimes, the intentions of the other person's
00:23:27
might not be so pure. I remember this young
guy who was in our youth group and you know
00:23:32
he developed this very close relationship, it was
his best friend, it was a girl and he's like man,
00:23:38
I'm cool. I don't have feelings for her but we
hang out all the time. We do homework together,
00:23:44
you know we go for long drives together but she's
like my sister in Christ and I'm like awesome. I'm
00:23:50
like, have you ever wondered what this sister in
Christ is thinking about you? Because I mean she's
00:23:55
emotionally getting connected to you and a lot of
times, he's like no, not really and then you find
00:24:00
out later, this young lady is already looking for
wedding rings but he doesn't even think about it,
00:24:05
that he is pretty much giving her these hints
unintentionally and this is going to end up
00:24:12
in somewhere, where he gets married to somebody
else and she gets hurt because she thought that
00:24:16
you know they were such close friends, hanging out
together and there's might be a future there. So
00:24:22
don't give hints to people when it comes to that.
The best thing to do is live in the way today as a
00:24:27
single person as you would if you would have been
married. That's how you prepare yourself. That
00:24:33
means personally, I don't go you know one-on-one
rides with the woman or travel together or go for
00:24:40
lunch or for a dinner and I didn't do that when
I was single or disciple women one-on-one and I
00:24:46
know some youth pastors who did that and for
me, I made a decision. When I was 17 because
00:24:52
a friend of mine, a pastor gave me an advice and
he's like, Vlad you're young. You're in leadership
00:24:58
and you're single. He says, girls will be
attracted to that and you have to guard your
00:25:04
purity. The way you guard your purity is this.
Don't spend one-on-one discipling ladies. Have
00:25:11
somebody else do it and so my aunt stepped in
and she discipled the ladies in our church and
00:25:16
this way, it gave me freedom and protection from
getting emotionally involved and developing these
00:25:23
emotional relationships that could have led to
something that I did not want it to lead to. So
00:25:28
I want to encourage you. Develop holiness, purity,
righteousness. Set some healthy boundaries in your
00:25:34
life as a single person. The other part is this is
how you can save your marriage before it starts as
00:25:44
a single person. Number one. Build your character
more than you build a list of expectations.
00:25:53
Build your character more than you build your
expectations. A lot of times what single people
00:26:00
doing and I understand most likely you're thinking
about marriage as a single person, nothing wrong
00:26:05
with that but it's important that you focus your
attention more on building yourself than building
00:26:13
your expectations. Because ultimately you will
attract someone similar to you. You don't attract
00:26:21
always what you want as much as really who you
are and if you know you the way you know you,
00:26:28
would you marry you? And if the answer is no.
Then why would you want somebody to do that.
00:26:34
So instead of taking this time to raise this high
expectation, what you should do is take this time
00:26:39
to raise your preparation for the future whether
it's going to end up in marriage, whether you're
00:26:46
going to get married or not, one good thing is
you didn't waste your single years. You got better
00:26:50
financially. You know you paid down your debts.
You got healthy physically. You got spiritual with
00:26:57
God. Probably maybe you finished your degree,
got your own house you know got involved,
00:27:02
develop you know learn maybe another language.
Do things to build yourself up. Don't waste
00:27:09
your single years by just building a list of the
things that you want because the person that you
00:27:18
really want who is great most likely is spending
their time building themselves and God's going to
00:27:23
match them to someone that's building themselves
as well. Ask yourself a question. How am I doing
00:27:29
financially? Do I have any habits that need to
be broken down? How's my relationship with my
00:27:34
siblings and my parents? How's my relationship
with authority? Have I finished school? How am
00:27:43
I doing spiritually? Do I have a ministry? Have
I discovered my gifts and my skills? What goals
00:27:49
and dreams actually I am best positioned right now
to fulfill? Like maybe you wanted to write a book,
00:27:56
start a website, start a blog, a podcast. What
are you waiting for? This is the time to build
00:28:03
your life. This is not a time only to fold your
hands like this and to wait for somebody to come
00:28:08
into your life while God is giving you dreams,
visions, and different things that you can
00:28:13
accomplish today. The second thing that you can
do to save your marriage before it starts and that
00:28:19
is deal with your demons. Deal with your demons
meaning deal with hurts, deal with traumas, deal
00:28:27
with strongholds, deal with your family history,
the family of origin. Maybe you are demonized,
00:28:35
you literally have demonic spirits attacking you
at night in your mind. Perhaps you're addicted.
00:28:43
Perhaps you have certain things that are holding
you back spiritually. Deal with that now. Go get
00:28:49
delivered. Maybe get some classes or perhaps see
a counselor if that's what you need. Go to a local
00:28:56
church for a community where some of that stuff
can be dealt with and addressed. Deal with your
00:29:03
character flaws. If your parents, your siblings
are highlighting a particular trait about you
00:29:09
that makes you very difficult to be with, deal
with that. Do not postpone that to another time.
00:29:17
You can save your marriage before it starts by
dealing with your demons. Number three and I
00:29:27
alluded to that just previously is set boundaries
with the opposite sex now. Do not wait until you
00:29:34
start dating. Set boundaries with opposite sex
now. May you develop a reputation within your
00:29:43
community as a person of integrity, as a person
that has no hint of immorality. You're not perfect
00:29:50
but you're in the pursuit of purity. Let me ask
you a question. Are you known to be a player?
00:29:59
Are you known to play games with people's
hearts? Are you known to be that loosed
00:30:05
person? Are you known to be that person that has
no standards? Are you known to be that person that
00:30:11
dates anything that moves? Are you known as that
person? You can change that. You're like well,
00:30:17
I just have people talk bad about me. Well,
perhaps your history confirms that. You can change
00:30:24
that. You can change that today by being a person
that has integrity and by being a person that has
00:30:31
boundaries. The next thing that you can do today
as a single person to prepare and that is this.
00:30:39
Look for the spouse at the right well. Yes, you
heard me right. You need to find your well, if you
00:30:47
want to find your wife or if you want to find your
husband, what do you mean by a well? Do I need to
00:30:51
dig a well in my backyard and look for a spouse
in the water? No, no, no, no. That's not what I
00:30:55
mean. In the Bible, Moses found his wife at the
well. Jacob found his wife at the well. Even Jesus
00:31:05
found a woman at the well. The woman that needed
a lot of healing and breakthrough in her life.
00:31:11
The problem I find with people who prepare as a
single person is they don't go to the well to find
00:31:19
a spouse, they go to the club. They go to a place
that's polluted spiritually. A well speaks of the
00:31:26
kingdom of God. A well speaks of revival. A well
has water. So God wants the well to be a meeting
00:31:32
place in your life. Now I've heard single people
say well you know the churches don't have the kind
00:31:39
of people I like. Well if you like sinners, then
yeah, churches also has sinners. I heard one lady
00:31:48
said you know all the hot boys are in the club
so that's where I'm going to go. I'm going to
00:31:53
go to the club. I'm going to find me a hot man
and then I'm going to flirt to convert and he's
00:31:59
going to be saved and sanctified. I'm going to use
missionary dating meaning, where you date somebody
00:32:05
so you can convert them to Christ but the Bible is
very clear, that is not biblical method and I want
00:32:11
to remind you about this whole hot thing you know
hell is hot. You don't want it. So pursue holy not
00:32:22
just hot. Pursue not just beauty that's physical,
pursue the beauty that's internal. Maturity,
00:32:30
character because all these feelings that you get,
they do will fade. They will fade away and you
00:32:35
will end up living with this person's character.
How they treat you and so look for the right
00:32:40
well. Now, I do believe that you know you can meet
somebody online. In fact, I actually met my wife
00:32:46
online. In the sense, she added me as a friend
on Facebook. I always tell people you can use
00:32:53
a mouse to find a spouse and then I went through
her photos and at the time, I had a personal page
00:33:00
and found out that she was from the church. The
well that I used to go to a lot in Vancouver and
00:33:06
so next time, I went to the well to draw water
you know I was looking for my boo and there
00:33:13
she was on a second row, sitting there and you
know I talked to her afterwards and one thing led
00:33:18
to another. We've been together now for 14 years
and so I am a fervent believer in finding a well
00:33:27
where you will find the person that God has for
you, okay so just stay at the well. Maybe you're
00:33:32
at the well and you're not noticing anybody. Just
keep drinking the water from the well but don't go
00:33:38
to some kind of a ghetto, a spiritual you know
spiritual gutter or spiritual garbage place or
00:33:44
trash can, the world and say no, I'm just going
to find me a godly man over there. So many ladies
00:33:49
then they come for deliverance. They're like man
you know I need you to pray for this man and I was
00:33:54
like, where did you find him? Well, I found him at
this place and I was like, where did you expect to
00:33:59
find in that place? Godly men aren't hanging out
in the club. I'm sorry. You're not going to find
00:34:06
a woman of God stripping on the weekend, okay or
getting shots in th e bar. You can probably find
00:34:12
them somewhere in the conference, missionary or
doing school or charity or some other stuff. You
00:34:17
want to find a godly man or woman of God, you got
to find a well but you got to be careful about
00:34:21
the wells too because wells also attract weirdos
not everybody who comes to church is a godly man
00:34:27
of God and not everybody could say praise the
Lord sister, praise the Lord brother. Even the
00:34:34
devil knows how to quote the scripture so have a
little bit of discernment and do observe someone's
00:34:39
fruit. Who do they hang out with? Insert yourself
into their circle of friends. Get to know them a
00:34:43
little bit more and with time, you will notice
true colors will begin to appear. The other part
00:34:51
that I want to highlight is be open to God's plan.
When you are at the well, be open to God's plan.
00:34:57
What does this mean? There could be unexpected
opportunities and sometimes you will meet the
00:35:02
person that God has for you not the way you expect
it. You may expect it a particular way and it
00:35:10
might come completely as a surprise you know I was
reading today about Naaman who came to Elisha to
00:35:17
be healed and he expected that Elisha would come
and wave his hand you know over this sick part and
00:35:23
Elisha just send the servant and said, Hey Naaman
go and dunk yourself seven times in the water
00:35:27
and you'll be healed and Naaman was so
disappointed and sometimes that's how happens
00:35:32
in the relationship. We have these you know we
watch a lot of Hollywood love stories or we hear
00:35:37
stories. We're like man this is how mine is going
to be you know and sometimes it could be a person
00:35:42
that you've known for a long time. You guys go to
the same small group. You are in the same class
00:35:48
and just after I don't know prayer or something,
you just kind of started to think about them.
00:35:54
You're like wow that they're amazing but you've
kind of known them for a while and slowly feelings
00:36:01
begin to build up and you begin to get to know
them and it's not how you planned it to be but
00:36:06
you both begin to love each other, show interest
in each other and then this relationship develops
00:36:12
into something serious. So be open to that plan.
So many times you know ladies and men would come
00:36:18
in and they have certain things you know he needs
to be six point this and you know blue eyes and
00:36:25
dark hair and everything and those specifics.
It's important to understand they're not actually
00:36:31
an indicators that you will be happy. It's better
to focus more on the person that you have similar
00:36:37
values, a person that you have attraction for and
the person that loves you, cares for you, respects
00:36:44
you and some of these other minor preferences just
kind of you know leave them aside. You know when I
00:36:51
was already seeing Lana, I liked everything about
Lana except one thing. It was her teeth. So her
00:37:02
teeth, they were crooked. Now for some reason,
someone you like man, Vlad, that's your problem.
00:37:07
Yeah, it was my problem but to be honest with
you and I was kind of thinking like man you know
00:37:12
she's like 99.9% of what I wanted except you know
she doesn't cook like my mom. Her teeth are not
00:37:20
straight and then when you start looking for all
the things that you don't like about the person
00:37:23
then the list begins to go up you know and then
I decided you know I'm okay with her not cooking
00:37:29
like my mom. I'm okay with her not doing this,
not doing that but you know the teeth part you
00:37:33
know physical kind of matters to me and in fact
I started to think about myself. I'm like wait,
00:37:39
I'm pretty sure she probably has a problem with
my eyes too you know and so I resolved that in my
00:37:45
heart that it's not a big deal. She doesn't have
to have all of my 100% things that I expect and
00:37:50
desire so we get married. Lana did not know about
this at all. You can in fact can ask her and she
00:37:56
didn't know about these arguments I had in my
head. We get married. About 5 months into our
00:38:03
marriage you know I kind of wanted to suggest that
if she wanted to straighten her teeth and my wife,
00:38:10
she one time said, Hey I would love to you know
get some invisible lines or straighten my teeth
00:38:17
but she's like we don't have any money right now
because it's kind of expensive to do that and I
00:38:20
was like, Hey babe, we can do it anyway and
then when she got him done. I actually told
00:38:25
her that I kind of had a little concern but
because those things are secondary, those
00:38:30
things are not the primary and I don't have to
have all of my preferences be met for this person
00:38:37
to be God's best for me and so I just want
to encourage you just be open to God's plan.
00:38:43
Don't have these specific things that you get so
hanged on that you can miss this person that God
00:38:50
has for your life. Lastly, remove the myth that
there's only the one for you. I don't believe
00:38:57
God sets up marriage as a divine lottery where
every person has only one winning ticket. In fact,
00:39:03
this idea of having the one came from a comic play
right from 400 years before Jesus told there was
00:39:12
a story that Greek gods created human beings
with one body, four arms, four legs and two
00:39:22
heads and then gods split them in half and now
people seek their other half to find true love.
00:39:30
So this is a Greek myth that was going around 400
years before Christ. So this idea of the myth of
00:39:38
the one carries this idea that the best partner
that you find who matches you who's just exactly
00:39:45
like you that you need in your life will fulfill
all the aspects of your life. The myth of the one
00:39:51
excuses you from your duty when things get hard.
So what instead I want to encourage you with is
00:39:57
to focus on the one that's in the Lord and that
fits you, matches your values. There's a mutual
00:40:04
attraction and you have a good report about them
from the people that you trust like your mentors,
00:40:11
your leaders or perhaps your parents and that you
consider them your brother, your sister in Christ
00:40:18
first and then you have this mutual attraction.
You go into that relationship instead of looking
00:40:23
for the one because that's not really how that
works. I always tell people the one that you marry
00:40:31
is the one and so I hope that these few comments
that I shared with you were an encouragement,
00:40:38
brought some instruction into your single life.
Do not postpone your happiness. Do not postpone
00:40:45
building your character, your career, your
ministry until you get married. Be happy today.
00:40:52
Run after Jesus. Be at the well and one of those
days, continue to pray, continue to pray regularly
00:40:59
for your future spouse, for your future marriage
and one of these days, you're going to just kind
00:41:03
of open your eyes and notice somebody next to you
at the same well and something will spark and the
00:41:11
Lord might use that to pretty much bring you with
somebody that is going to be connected to you. One
00:41:20
story I had. There was a lady that was in our
church on our staff and one of the mothers in
00:41:29
our church was trying to hook up her son with
this lady in our church and so I remember we
00:41:34
went to this hike and so they were trying to be
set up you know this young man who was the son
00:41:41
of this mother and a lady that was on our church
staff and so the problem is the son and the girl
00:41:49
never really clicked on the hike instead another
guy was walking with her all the time and for
00:41:54
somehow they clicked even though the guy, I know
him from church, he kind of doesn't talk a lot
00:41:59
and somehow they connected and he or she end up
bringing each other their coat because it was lost
00:42:05
in somebody's car and next thing I know, 5 months
later you know or 6 months later, they're already
00:42:10
engaged and actually facilitated their wedding
and sometimes it's interesting how it happens
00:42:14
just kind of like it's not how you expect it.
Where and how it will happen but it's important
00:42:20
that you are at your well. Your spiritual
connection to God, your spiritual connection
00:42:25
to the community. I have a book called' Single
ready to mingle.' I wrote this book compiled all
00:42:32
of my teachings from my youth ministry days when
I was preaching to young people. I believe it's
00:42:37
going to be a blessing to you. If you're single,
pick up that book at my store Savchuk store.com or
00:42:42
you can get it on Amazon or download a free copy
or listen on the audio format. Actually that one,
00:42:47
I read for you so I believe you're going to
find a great blessing to enrich your single
00:42:52
years for the glory of God. God bless you. Don't
forget to hit like to this video. Let me know
00:42:57
in the comments what you learned today. Share this
with other people. If you have a singles ministry
00:43:01
in your church, share this with others. It would
be much appreciated. Thank you, until next time.
