The Frameworks That Will Make You Irresistible

00:09:05
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfKEY7-XjpE

Zusammenfassung

TLDRThe discussion focuses on understanding influence and persuasion through complex frameworks. Influence frameworks are akin to Russian nesting dolls, requiring comprehension of their sub-frameworks. Influence differs from persuasion; while persuasion requires active effort to alter someone's actions or thoughts, influence works passively and naturally over time. To understand the dynamics of influence, the concept of sense making is crucial, involving three stages: avoidance, where initial resistance occurs; competition, which involves engagement and information exchange; and compliance, where power dynamics are recognized, leading to relational understanding. Additionally, a secondary framework identified is "no like trust," originating from social media dynamics. It emphasizes moving from discovery to liking and eventually to trust. Interestingly, the discussion reveals that trust can emerge even without strong liking, due to the predictability of behavior. The key elements include the realization that influence grows once trust is established and trust does not solely derive from positive perceptions but from predictability and investment in relationships, which might lead to trust even with less likable individuals.

Mitbringsel

  • 💡 Distinguish between influence and persuasion—persuasion is active, while influence is passive.
  • ⚙️ Influence frameworks are intricate and interconnected, similar to Russian nesting dolls.
  • 🔍 Sense making is vital for understanding relationship dynamics and establishing influence.
  • 🏃 The sense making framework includes stages of avoidance, competition, and compliance.
  • 🤔 Trust can develop from predictability, not just from positive relationships.
  • 🤝 "No like trust" framework describes progression from discovery to trust.
  • ❗ Influence builds upon established trust, not necessarily on liking someone.
  • 🔄 Engagement in competition fosters relationship investment and development.
  • 📈 Overcoming initial avoidance is crucial to forming influential relationships.
  • 🔁 Predictability plays a key role in the development of trust.

Zeitleiste

  • 00:00:00 - 00:09:05

    Influence frameworks are tools for achieving desired outcomes, functioning like nested Russian dolls where one framework contains sub-frameworks that need to be understood for successful application. The key difference between influence and persuasion is that persuasion requires active energy to change minds, while influence is passive and involves having someone's immediate mental attention in your absence. Building influence demands significant experience, engagement, and trust, involving complex frameworks within frameworks. The first step involves sensemaking, which entails understanding the power dynamics in a relationship, starting with avoidance, moving through competition, and ending in compliance, where mutual understanding is achieved.

Mind Map

Mind Map

Video-Fragen und Antworten

  • What is the difference between influence and persuasion?

    Persuasion involves actively putting energy into changing someone's mind, while influence is passive and occurs naturally over time.

  • How are frameworks related to influence organized?

    Frameworks are layered like Russian nesting dolls, where understanding one involves understanding the sub-frameworks within it.

  • What is the importance of sense making in building influence?

    Sense making involves understanding the power dynamic in a relationship, essential for progressing from avoidance to compliance.

  • What are the stages involved in the sense making framework?

    The stages are avoidance, competition, and compliance, each representing a phase in building relational understanding.

  • What does 'no like trust' framework stand for?

    'No like trust' is a framework that describes how people progress from discovery to liking and eventually trusting something or someone.

  • Can you trust someone you don't like?

    Yes, trust can be established based on predictability even if you don't like the person.

  • How do trust and influence interrelate?

    Influence begins to build once trust is established, regardless of the degree of likability.

  • What role does competition play in building relationships?

    Competition involves the exchange of information and energy, helping to develop the relationship.

  • How does predictability relate to trust?

    Trust stems from predictable behaviors, making it possible to trust someone due to predictability, not necessarily positive intent.

  • What does avoidance mean in the context of influence frameworks?

    Avoidance is the initial human reaction to new encounters, which needs to be overcome to build influence.

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Automatisches Blättern:
  • 00:00:00
    influence Frameworks are powerful
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    Frameworks for getting what you
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    want I think the place to start because
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    not all Frameworks are simple remember
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    how we were talking about there's
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    foundational Frameworks there's twostep
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    Frameworks and there's 12 step step
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    Frameworks right the thing to understand
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    is Frameworks all fit within each other
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    they fit like nesting dolls like Russian
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    nesting dolls so when you
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    learn any kind of framework that has to
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    do with influence what you also have to
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    learn are the sub Frameworks inside of
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    it to be able to execute the whole thing
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    but the place to really start is
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    understand that influence and persuasion
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    are not the same
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    thing right persuasion is what happens
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    when you actively put energy into
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    changing someone's mind or getting
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    someone to take a certain action with
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    active energy influence is what you have
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    when you're not talking
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    so I can sit here and try to persuade
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    you to come with me to
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    dinner but that's not influence that's
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    persuasion influence is what happens
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    when something happens in the world and
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    I'm the one that comes into your mind
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    and you're like I wonder what Andy
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    thinks about that which probably doesn't
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    happen but one day hopefully it will
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    happen if I gain enough influence right
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    that's the difference persuasion takes
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    energy influence is passive it doesn't
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    happen it takes a lot of experience it
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    takes a lot of Engagement it takes a lot
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    of assessment Energy Trust it takes a
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    lot of effort to get someone to a place
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    where you have influence over them but
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    there's a framework for that there are
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    Frameworks and Frameworks within
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    Frameworks that I'm happy to teach if
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    you want to go through those yeah
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    whatever you think is most useful for me
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    in my
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    audience so I'll start with this I'll
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    start at the lowest possible place right
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    and the lowest possible place if you if
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    you think of influence up here as a
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    umbrella there's a sub framework inside
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    of that umbrella and then there's a
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    third inside of that so we're going to
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    start with that one first and grow and
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    that framework is something called sense
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    making because if I want to influence
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    you or if you want to influence me we
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    have to make sense of the dynamic of our
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    relationship meaning one of us has to be
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    in power and one of us has to comply
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    with the other person's power that's the
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    whole goal of sense making so that's why
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    we we are starting at that
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    framework inside of sense Mak if you
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    imagine it like a cup
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    right sense making is like a cylinder
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    and just like you fill a cup with water
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    you'll fill this cylinder with scents
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    the bottom third of the cup is what we
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    call avoidance that's where every
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    relationship starts every time you meet
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    a new person you try to avoid that
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    person it's the first thought you have
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    even if you don't want to admit it no
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    I'll admit
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    it no that's very much the nature of my
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    life that's the nature of every that's
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    human nature we avoid what's new so the
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    first third is avoidance so you've got
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    to fill the water you've got to fill the
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    relationship you have to put enough time
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    and energy into the relationship to get
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    past the bottom third now you're making
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    sense the next third is called
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    competition competition is all about the
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    exchange of information the exchange of
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    ideas the exchange of energy because in
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    an exchange you're building a relation
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    reltionship even if you're arguing even
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    if you disagree even if you hate the
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    other person and you're yelling in their
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    face you're still investing energy into
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    that person whereas if you really didn't
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    care about them you would just avoid
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    them all
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    together the last third is called
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    compliance the whole reason that you
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    compete is to have someone come out with
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    compliance and compliance is the part
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    where the power Dynamic is is identified
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    right so we've invested so much time in
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    competition that now we're not arguing
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    and fighting anymore now we're starting
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    to make sense of our relationship you've
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    heard the phrase we'll just agree to
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    disagree essentially that is the top of
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    the sense making cylinder you've filled
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    the cup and where you land at the end is
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    we'll just agree to disagree which is
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    kind of a mutual understanding of each
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    other's position on whatever it was that
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    you were competing over but you're still
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    a unit you've still invested into a
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    relationship ship so sense making is
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    filling that first cup because now what
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    we know at the conclusion of this phase
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    is that we're in this together I've
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    poured water in you've poured water in
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    and if there's anything that human
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    beings hate to do it's waste their
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    energy so I've put all this energy into
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    you you've put all this energy into me
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    and now we have a dynamic between
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    us from once there's sense once we
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    understand and remember this is if we
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    agree to disagree then that's we've made
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    sense of our relationship as Mutual
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    peers on this particular topic
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    politics that doesn't mean that we're
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    Mutual peers in terms of conversations
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    about family or conversations about
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    business or conversations about you name
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    it exercise right but we have a
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    relationship enough that now we can talk
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    about those other things so if I want to
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    build influence or if you want to build
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    influence the first thing we have to do
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    is not let people avoid us we have to
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    get past the
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    avoidance and then we have to compete
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    with them to get them to invest their
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    time and energy into to our relationship
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    and then we have to get to a place where
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    there's some sort of compliance even if
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    it's only the compliance to sit and
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    listen to me when I share my opinion
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    that you already know you're going to
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    disagree with that's still compliance
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    that's the foundational framework that
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    feeds up into a secondary framework that
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    we call no like
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    trust no like trust is something that
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    actually exists in the social media
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    World which was a really awesome
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    surprise to me to find it there
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    um klt no like trust starts with
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    Discovery if you don't know something
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    exists you can never like it because you
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    don't even know it exists once you know
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    something exists you have to decide
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    whether or not you like it well how do
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    you decide whether or not you like it
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    through this this avoidance competition
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    compliance sense making process because
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    as soon as you discover something new
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    it's new so guess what you try to do
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    avoid it you see what I'm saying so
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    after you get through the end of the
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    compliance phase of of sense making
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    you're basically you like whatever it is
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    or whoever it is that you're dealing
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    with maybe you don't like them like
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    they're your best friend but you've
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    invested all this time and energy into
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    them so you do like them the secret
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    sauce at CIA that we know that most
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    people don't understand is that you
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    don't have to like something a lot
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    before you start to trust it you've
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    heard the term falling in love there's
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    also a very
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    term called falling into trust you just
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    spend enough time long enough and what
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    happens is without even realizing it you
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    start to trust the person that you're
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    with that is the beginning of
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    influence even if I'm wrong even if you
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    disagree with me every step of the way
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    even if the only thing you like about me
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    is going out and having a pint on Friday
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    night where we debate and argue and
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    [ __ ] at each other about politics you
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    still like Friday night
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    going to the bar and sharing a pint with
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    me you still like hanging out with me
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    when we watch our two different soccer
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    teams play or football teams play so
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    because you like me enough to be with me
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    there will come a time where I win your
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    trust in some in some area maybe it's
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    trust because I'm the only person who
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    drinks with you so in a moment you
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    decide to tell me about how much you
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    hate your boss and now I'm the only one
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    that knows you actually hate your boss
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    whatever it might be you will fall into
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    trust we all in the trust it's one of
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    the things that that's natural to human
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    beings that we hate about ourselves is
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    we trust the wrong people it happens to
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    all of us so someone can trust you in
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    terms of influence even if they don't
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    like you correct because they will be
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    invested enough into you that they
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    believe something is predictable think
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    about somebody that you don't like think
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    about somebody you really really don't
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    like yeah are there still things about
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    them that you would trust them to
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    do maybe not things they would do for
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    you but there are certain things that
  • 00:08:30
    you would trust that they would do I
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    already know that person's going to you
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    know say something stupid to my kid I
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    already trust that that person is going
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    to put their garbage can at the end of
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    my driveway so it's it's fascinating
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    because we usually think of trust as
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    only being a positive term trust is an
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    ambiguous it's it's a it's a uh it is an
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    agnostic term it doesn't mean good
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    things or bad things it just means a
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    predictable outcome
  • 00:08:59
    [Applause]
  • 00:09:01
    Freedom a
  • 00:09:03
    fresh freedom
Tags
  • influence
  • persuasion
  • frameworks
  • sense making
  • avoidance
  • competition
  • compliance
  • trust
  • no like trust
  • relationship dynamics