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hi everyone welcome back to my channel
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if you're new here I'm Courtney Ryan and
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have you ever felt like being the nice
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guy just isn't working out for you the
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way Society often defines a nice guy
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isn't doing you any favors and let me be
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clear this does not mean that you are a
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bad person more often than not this nice
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guy mindset stems from poor boundaries
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or low self-confidence which can
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sometimes be rooted in unmet needs from
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a dysfunctional upbringing while digging
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into the deeper causes of this is
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crucial and something that I'm going to
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cover in another video today we're going
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to be focusing on the surface level
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behaviors that can make nice Sky
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syndrome incredibly unattractive in
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romantic relationships the truth is even
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if your intentions are good certain
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patterns can unintentionally push women
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away but here's the good news being a
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genuinely good guy who is doing the
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inner work and embracing confidence is
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not only possible it's the ultimate goal
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so in this video we're going to be
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breaking down seven subtle things that
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nice guys do or say that turn women off
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often without realizing it by the end of
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the video you'll know exactly what to
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avoid and how to create the kind of
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connection that leaves a lasting
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positive impression okay the first thing
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nice guys do that turn women off is
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acting entitled because you're nice
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comments like why do women always go for
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jerks or I'm such a nice guy but women
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never choose me they only want bad boys
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come across as extremely bitter and
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self-pitying which is not attractive or
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confident from a woman's perspective and
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I will be totally honest with you guys I
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see this in my comment sections a lot
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which is why I wanted to start here now
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the reason why this is a problem is
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because being nice isn't a badge of
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entitlement statements like this suggest
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that you expect something in return for
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treating someone well which can feel
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really manipulative it's a huge turnoff
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when someone operates as if kindness is
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transactional so what you can do instead
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is understand that kindness is the
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Baseline for any healthy relationship
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not a bargaining chip instead of
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focusing on what you think you deserve
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focus on building a connection that's
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actually genuine and mutual let your
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actions show your worth without
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expecting praise or reward in return
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just because you're nice does not
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automatically mean that you are entitled
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to a relationship the next thing nice
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guys do that turn women off is agreeing
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with every single thing that she says
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phrases like oh I'll let you decide or
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I'm happy with whatever you want to do I
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want to do whatever makes you happy may
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seem polite and accommodating but when
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it's overused they make you seem
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indecisive unassertive and even
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disingenuous like you're just being a
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people pleaser always dis agreeing with
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every single thing that a woman says or
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never taking the initiative to make
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plans can be unattractive because it
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often comes across as lacking confidence
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individuality leadership an opinion a
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backbone qualities that many women
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deeply value in a man great women
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appreciate someone who is authentic with
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their own opinions and the confidence to
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respectfully disagree when needed as
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it's going to add depth and sincerity to
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the relationship and to any sort of
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conversation that you have with her I
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also think taking the lead in planning
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dates or for making thoughtful decisions
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shows effort it shows that you care and
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also an ability to create excitement
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which is going to keep the dynamic
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engaging and balanced without these
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qualities the connection can start to
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feel passive predictable unfulfilling
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and honestly just stale over time so
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what to do instead is to express your
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opinions respectfully even if they
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differ from hers again you don't always
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have to agree with everything that she
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says that's weird being able to express
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your own opinions is going to show
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confidence and the ability to contribute
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to a balanced engaging conversation it's
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going to demonstrate to her that you're
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thoughtful and you're not afraid to have
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your own perspective now I am not
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telling you to be combative
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disrespectful or to disagree for the
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sake of disagreeing please do not do
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that I think we all know the person that
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has to argue or has to disagree and that
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is way worse than even being agreeable
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honestly so don't be that guy either I
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think being able to strike a balance
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here is really important you want to be
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able to share your opinion to disagree
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sometimes again not agree with
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everything that she says be able to take
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the lead and dates without worrying
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about letting someone down um or it not
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being perfect enough always going along
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with someone else's opinions or someone
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else's plans and not being able to do
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that for yourself is going to make you
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come across incredibly insecure and that
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is just not the goal here and let's be
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real constantly agreeing with someone or
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struggling to express your own opinions
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often comes from a deeper place of
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wanting to be liked or avoiding conflict
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if you've ever found yourself in this
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position it might be worth exploring why
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that is the case building confidence and
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developing healthy boundaries takes a
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lot of work and sometimes having someone
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guide you through that process can make
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all the difference that's why I want to
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take a moment to talk about today's
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during sence up and enjoy a special
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discount on your first month okay the
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next thing you should avoid doing is
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overloading her with compliments and
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what I'm really talking about here is
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excessive compliments it is okay to give
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a compliment you should give a
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compliment and I will go over that a
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little bit later but we really want to
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avoid excessive compliments because it
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comes across as though you are
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overcompensating so excessive
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compliments like saying you're the most
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beautiful woman I've ever seen I can't
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stop thinking about you your eyes are
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mesmerizing your smile lights up a room
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again just overdoing it being excessive
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constantly complimenting her while this
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might seem sweet and that's probably the
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way that you intend for it to be it
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often comes across as insincere or even
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a little bit needy and clingy and
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another simple fact is that when
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Compliments are overdone they lose their
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impact overloading a woman with
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compliments can make you seem overly
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infatuated and obsessive um or lacking
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confidence as though you're trying to
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win her over with flattery rather than
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actually creating a natural genuine bond
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with her so what you can do instead is
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be thoughtful and selective with the
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compliments that you give maybe focus on
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specific traits or actions that show
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that you're paying attention to her
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personality maybe her passions something
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unique about her for example saying
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something like I really admire how
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passionate you are about insert her
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interest it's inspiring to see someone
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who's so committed I think this
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compliment not only feels more genuine
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but it's also going to show her that
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you're interested in her on a deeper
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level than just what's on the surface
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now don't get me wrong you can and
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absolutely should compliment her
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physical appearance as well maybe saying
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you look beautiful or I love your outfit
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it looks great on you you know you show
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up to a date you say you look great I
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love your outfit just don't overdo it or
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make it excessive you don't want to be
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the guy who never gives a compliment and
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never shows interest but you also don't
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want to be the guy who's overdoing it
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and being obsessive and excessive being
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able to find a balance is the key here
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you want to give compliments you just
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don't want to be excessive about it or
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again make it come from a place of
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overcompensating rather than being
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genuine and actually meaning it okay my
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next Point here is over apologizing this
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is another thing that I experience a lot
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lot in my inbox all the time I see sorry
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to bother you but or I'm so sorry I know
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you're busy you must get a ton of
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questions but I want to ask you this
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while this can seem polite it often
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signals insecurity over apologizing
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makes you seem unsure of yourself and
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creates an unnecessary imbalance within
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the conversation it's going to suggest
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that you don't feel worthy of someone's
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time or their attention which can be a
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huge turnoff over apologizing in general
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not just when starting a conversation
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can be unattractive to women because it
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often signals insecurity a lack of
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confidence or an excessive need for
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validation qualities that can completely
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undermine a man's perceived self-
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Assurance while apologizing when
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warranted is a sign of emotional
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maturity think constantly apologizing
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for small unnecessary things can come
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across as overly self-critical or
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anxious to please this Behavior can
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really create an imbalance and make it
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seem like the man is putting himself in
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a subordinate position rather than
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standing as an equal partner women are
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often drawn to men who are self assured
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and who take accountability
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without diminishing their own value and
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over apologizing tends to have the
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opposite effect so rest assured knowing
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you don't need to apologize for existing
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for who you are for what you like for
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what your preferences are save the
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apologies for when you actually need to
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use them and when we're talking about
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initial interactions or sending a
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message be confident in your approach
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there's no need to apologize unless
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you've done something wrong which you
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probably haven't done so instead of
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saying sorry to bother you try something
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like I wanted to hear your your thoughts
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on this or I thought of you when I saw
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this and wanted to share or just be bold
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and send a message hey I'm blah blah
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blah great to meet you I've done some
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videos in the past on what to say in
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scenarios like this so go check those
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out if you haven't already and need some
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help um but not included in that is ever
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saying sorry to bother you or I'm sorry
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for taking up space I'm sorry for
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existing I'm sorry for breathing you
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just don't need to apologize for those
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things so stop over apologizing you
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don't need to do it okay the next thing
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that you guys have got to stop doing is
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putting yourself being Neath her phrases
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like you're too good for me or your way
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out of my league or even I have seen I
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can't believe someone like you agreed to
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go out with me while this might sound
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flattering they actually create an
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unequal Dynamic and are incredibly
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unattractive to women it's going to
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actually make her think oh maybe I am
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too good for this guy or why does this
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guy think I'm so much better than him he
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must have a problem comments like this
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signal low selfworth and put her in an
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uncomfortable position of having to
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constantly reassure you while women
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appreciate being valued they also want
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to feel like they're with someone who
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sees himself as an equal not someone
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who's putting themselves below her and
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again while it may seem flattering on
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the surface these statements
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unintentionally highlight insecurity and
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a lack of selfworth which can make a
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woman feel uncomfortable or even
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burdened with the responsibility of
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validating you instead of building
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connection or attraction these
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statements suggest that you see yourself
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as less deserving or inferior to her
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which can diminish the sense of mutual
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respect and equality that's crucial for
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a healthy relationship and being complet
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completely honest from a woman's
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perspective is incredibly unattractive
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confidence not self-deprecation is what
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makes genuine compliments feel sincere
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and attractive so you don't need to put
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yourself down to show your interest in
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someone else and if you're at a place
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where you're doing that we need to get
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to the root cause and stop doing it you
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really want to focus on Mutual
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admiration so instead of pedestalize her
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Express genuine appreciation for the
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connection that you guys are building
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together for example you could say
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something like I think we have a lot in
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common and I'm excited to see where this
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goes it's as simple as that it makes you
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come across confident and balanced and
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you didn't need to put yourself down in
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order to show your interest in her which
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is how it should be okay next we have
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over texting or over investing too soon
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sending multiple texts like hey how's
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your day are you okay did I do something
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wrong why aren't you replying to me too
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early in the relationship can feel
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clingy and overwhelming and honestly at
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any point in the relationship I think
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this can feel clingy and overwhelming
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now why this is a problem is because
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over texting signals insecurity and
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creates a very uneven Dynamic over
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texting and over investing too soon
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creates a very strange Dynamic and again
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makes you come across very clingy and
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needy stage five Clinger Vibes which we
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want to avoid it can also make her feel
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like she has to manage your emotions
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which is exhausting and Incredibly
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unappealing so what you want to do
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instead is let the conversation flow
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naturally if she's slow to reply don't
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overcompensate with more messages you
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want to show interest but maintain your
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Independence because yes you're
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interested in her you're excited about
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it you want to see where it goes but you
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also have your own life or you should
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have your own life outside of this
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connection that is Meaningful to you so
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try to remember that send her one
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thoughtful text and then give her time
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to respond keep the focus on quality
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communication rather than quantity and
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the last thing here that nice guys do
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that turn women off is claiming that
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you're not like other guys statements
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such as I'm not like most guys or I
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won't hurt you the way you're exed might
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seem like a way to differentiate
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yourself but they often have the
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opposite effect this can come across
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very defensive or even manipulative I
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think it also reminds me of Point number
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one that was on my video today of acting
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entitled because you're nice um I think
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instead of focusing on building a strong
00:12:46
connection this really draws attention
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to past relationships which obviously is
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not going to be helpful for moving yours
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forward avoid comparing yourself to
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other people and instead focus on being
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authentic and consistent trust that
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she'll notice the difference without you
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needing to announce it or say it I think
00:13:01
a lot of guys will also do this with a
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woman who just got out of a relationship
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or who is still in a relationship they
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might say things like well I would treat
00:13:08
you so much better than your
00:13:09
ex-boyfriend did or I would treat you
00:13:12
better than your boyfriend does I have
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had guys say that to me before and it is
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always incredibly weird and never comes
00:13:18
across the way that you probably intend
00:13:20
it again to differentiate yourself to
00:13:21
make yourself seem like the better
00:13:23
choice but all it does is make her not
00:13:25
want to be with you even more and I can
00:13:27
speak from personal experience on that
00:13:28
so there's no need to say it there's no
00:13:30
need to announce it if you are something
00:13:32
it will simply speak for itself and I
00:13:35
will also say this and it might be a
00:13:36
harsh truth but I need to say it if you
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have to say that you are something
00:13:40
whether it be nice kind different than
00:13:43
other guys smart an alpha male you're
00:13:46
probably not these things do not need to
00:13:48
be announced they will simply just speak
00:13:50
for themselves at the end of the day I
00:13:52
think the goal is to become a good man
00:13:54
someone who's confident self- assured
00:13:56
and capable of building meaningful
00:13:58
connections without losing himself in
00:14:00
the process if anything in this video
00:14:02
hit home for you I want you to know that
00:14:04
these behaviors don't Define you they
00:14:06
are just habits and habits can be broken
00:14:09
what really matters is your willingness
00:14:11
to grow and your commitment to becoming
00:14:13
the best version of yourself because the
00:14:14
truth is women and people in general
00:14:16
aren't drawn to Perfection they're drawn
00:14:18
to authenticity and self-respect so as
00:14:21
you move forward after watching this
00:14:23
video I want you to ask yourself how can
00:14:25
I show up in my relationships in a way
00:14:27
that is both genuine and and balanced
00:14:30
how can I cultivate confidence and
00:14:31
really value myself as much as I value
00:14:33
the person that I'm with so if anything
00:14:35
in this video resonated with you feel
00:14:36
free to share down in the comments I
00:14:38
would love to hear your stories or any
00:14:40
questions that you have for me and also
00:14:42
remember that growth takes time but I
00:14:44
think you're already on the right path
00:14:46
just by being here and by trying so if
00:14:48
you like this video or found it helpful
00:14:50
be sure to give it a thumbs up and
00:14:51
subscribe to my channel to be in the
00:14:52
loop for when I release new content if
00:14:54
you haven't already be sure to follow me
00:14:56
over on Instagram at Courtney Christine
00:14:57
Ryan I love connecting with with all of
00:14:59
you guys over on there as well as always
00:15:01
thank you all so much for watching and I
00:15:03
will see you all next time
