Dr. Daniel Amen's Secret to Getting Your Kids to Listen to You

00:07:24
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNEdkS60LFY

Ringkasan

TLDRDenne videoen fremhever viktigheten av å bygge nære relasjoner med barn og barnebarn for å påvirke dem positivt. Det oppfordres til å tilbringe regelmessig kvalitetstid sammen, kjent som "spesiell tid", hvor du bruker 20 minutter daglig på å gjøre noe barnet ønsker uten å gi kommandoer eller rettelser. Aktiv lytting er essensielt, hvor man gjentar det barnet sier og lytter etter følelser bak ordene, for å forbedre kommunikasjonen og øke følelsesmessig tilknytning. Dette kan beskytte barnets mentale helse og gi en dypere forståelse og aksept av grenser selv når de blir satt. Historier om vellykkede relasjonsforbedringer illustrerer hvor effektiv denne metoden kan være.

Takeaways

  • 👥 Nære bånd med barn krever tid og aktiv lytting.
  • ⏰ Tilbring 20 minutters "spesiell tid" daglig med barna.
  • 🔇 Unngå å gi kommandoer under "spesiell tid".
  • 🗣️ Praktiser aktiv lytting ved å gjenta barnets ord.
  • 💬 Lytt til følelsene bak ordene for bedre kommunikasjon.
  • 🏠 Foreldre bruker mindre tid med barna nå enn før.
  • ❤️ Forbedret forhold observeres med regelmessig tilstedeværelse.
  • 👂 Aktiv lytting åpner for bedre samtaler og beskytter mental helse.
  • 🔥 Konflikter kan unngås ved å forstå barnets behov først.
  • 🎨 Eksempel: Å lytte fører til dypere diskusjoner, som med ønsket om blått hår.

Garis waktu

  • 00:00:00 - 00:07:24

    Denne samtalen fokuserer på viktigheten av å ha en nær forbindelse med barna for å påvirke dem på en sunn måte. Fortelleren deler en personlig historie fra 1972, da han stemte mot farens ønsker, noe som illustrerer hvordan mangel på forbindelse kan redusere innflytelsen. Han understreker at gode relasjoner krever tid og aktiv lytting, noe han opplevde lite av med sin far. Spesielt tid er et konsept hvor foreldre tilbringer 20 minutter daglig med barna sine uten å dømme eller korrigere dem, for å bygge nærhet.

Peta Pikiran

Video Tanya Jawab

  • Hva anbefales for å styrke båndet med barn?

    Det anbefales å ha "spesiell tid" hver dag, hvor man tilbringer 20 minutter med barna uten å gi kommandoer eller rettelser.

  • Hvordan beskrives aktiv lytting i videoen?

    Aktiv lytting innebærer å gjenta det man hører og være stille lenge nok til at barnet kan fortsette å snakke, samt lytte til følelsene bak ordene.

  • Hva er en vanlig feil foreldre gjør når barn uttrykker seg?

    Foreldre har en tendens til å fortelle barna hvordan de skal tenke eller føle før de virkelig forstår situasjonen.

  • Hvor mye tid brukes typisk sammen med barn i dag sammenlignet med tidligere?

    Foreldre bruker mindre tid med barna sine nå enn tidligere, grunnet to-inntektsfamilier og digitale distraksjoner.

  • Hva skjer når aktiv lytting praktiseres?

    Man åpner kommunikasjonen og øker forbindelsen, noe som beskytter barnets mentale helse.

  • Hvordan demonstreres endringer ved å tilbringe mer tid med barn?

    Ved å bruke "spesiell tid" ville en far forbedre forholdet til datteren dramatisk innen tre uker.

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Gulir Otomatis:
  • 00:00:00
    core conversation number three bonding
  • 00:00:04
    do you want your children or
  • 00:00:06
    grandchildren to pick your values do you
  • 00:00:10
    want to influence them in a healthy way
  • 00:00:13
    if so you need to have a close bond with
  • 00:00:16
    them when I turned 18 it was
  • 00:00:20
    1972 I know it's a long time ago it was
  • 00:00:24
    the first time I could vote my dad told
  • 00:00:27
    me if I voted for Senator mcover for
  • 00:00:30
    president the country would go to hell
  • 00:00:33
    as I said we didn't have a close
  • 00:00:36
    relationship and he didn't have much
  • 00:00:39
    influence over me I voted for mover and
  • 00:00:43
    the country went to hell but it had
  • 00:00:45
    nothing to do with Senator McGovern
  • 00:00:47
    Watergate was a dark time in our history
  • 00:00:50
    the point is you have no influence
  • 00:00:54
    without connection and great
  • 00:00:57
    relationships require two things
  • 00:01:00
    time actual physical time I had very
  • 00:01:04
    little of that with my dad and active
  • 00:01:07
    listening which was not his strength
  • 00:01:10
    time parents are spending less time with
  • 00:01:13
    kids than ever before two parent Working
  • 00:01:17
    Families are now the norm and digital
  • 00:01:20
    distractions even when families are
  • 00:01:23
    together are contributing to a
  • 00:01:25
    heightened sense of loneliness among
  • 00:01:28
    kids and young adults
  • 00:01:30
    how much time are you spending with your
  • 00:01:33
    kids and
  • 00:01:35
    grandkids one of my favorite exercises
  • 00:01:38
    that pays the biggest dividends is
  • 00:01:41
    special time spend 20 minutes a day with
  • 00:01:44
    your kids doing something they'd like to
  • 00:01:48
    do and during that time no commands no
  • 00:01:53
    questions and no directions it's just a
  • 00:01:56
    time to be together not to teach or
  • 00:02:00
    correct if for example you're playing a
  • 00:02:03
    game and the child starts to cheat you
  • 00:02:06
    cheat reframe her behavior I see you
  • 00:02:09
    changed the rules of the game I'll play
  • 00:02:12
    by your rules during this time listen
  • 00:02:16
    way more than you speak one of my
  • 00:02:19
    favorite special time stories was with
  • 00:02:22
    Carl the head of a hospital I worked for
  • 00:02:24
    when I was a young child psychiatrist he
  • 00:02:27
    had his daughter Lura later in life and
  • 00:02:31
    told me that at two she just didn't want
  • 00:02:34
    to have anything to do with him he said
  • 00:02:37
    in a Gruff voice that's normal Right
  • 00:02:40
    girls just want their mothers that age
  • 00:02:43
    no Carl I said you are ignoring her
  • 00:02:47
    which is why she wants her mother do
  • 00:02:50
    this then I told him about special time
  • 00:02:53
    he said that won't work he tended to be
  • 00:02:57
    oppositional and argumentative oh oh
  • 00:03:00
    great I replied you hired an idiot do it
  • 00:03:04
    exactly as I say and your relationship
  • 00:03:07
    with L will be closer in just a few
  • 00:03:10
    weeks I am putting you in my schedule to
  • 00:03:13
    call you in 3 weeks so get the party
  • 00:03:16
    started when I called to check up on how
  • 00:03:19
    things were going 3 weeks later he
  • 00:03:22
    said Lara won't leave me alone as soon
  • 00:03:25
    as I walk in the door she grabs my leg
  • 00:03:27
    and she wants her time all she wants to
  • 00:03:30
    do is be with
  • 00:03:31
    me
  • 00:03:33
    relationships require time no matter
  • 00:03:36
    what the child's age you can do this
  • 00:03:40
    today schedule 20 minutes of special
  • 00:03:44
    time with your kids every day the more
  • 00:03:48
    you do it the closer you will get it's
  • 00:03:52
    like money in the relational bank now
  • 00:03:56
    let's talk about active list it's a
  • 00:03:59
    basic skill that's disappearing people
  • 00:04:03
    spend their days talking over each other
  • 00:04:06
    rather than truly listening when you
  • 00:04:10
    listen you connect in order to get your
  • 00:04:14
    children and grandchild to talk with you
  • 00:04:18
    you must first show that you're willing
  • 00:04:21
    to hear what they have to say active
  • 00:04:24
    listening is very simple repeat back
  • 00:04:28
    what you hear and then stay quiet long
  • 00:04:32
    enough for the kids to continue talking
  • 00:04:36
    and listen for the feelings behind the
  • 00:04:39
    words too often parents tell kids how to
  • 00:04:44
    think or feel before they really
  • 00:04:47
    understand the situation this cuts off
  • 00:04:50
    communication and lessens the chances
  • 00:04:54
    the child will come to you in the future
  • 00:04:57
    here is an example if my son came home
  • 00:05:01
    and said I want to have blue hair what
  • 00:05:05
    would your father have said I know what
  • 00:05:08
    my dad would have said as long as you
  • 00:05:10
    live in this house you're not going to
  • 00:05:12
    have blue hair but what does that
  • 00:05:15
    do it ends the conversation or starts a
  • 00:05:20
    fight active listening teaches you just
  • 00:05:24
    to repeat back what you hear sounds like
  • 00:05:29
    you want to have blue hair and be quiet
  • 00:05:32
    long enough for the child to continue
  • 00:05:35
    and listen for the feelings behind what
  • 00:05:39
    he or she says he might say all the kids
  • 00:05:42
    are wearing their hair that
  • 00:05:44
    way I don't know what your father would
  • 00:05:46
    have said but I know what mine would
  • 00:05:49
    have said I don't care what anyone else
  • 00:05:52
    is doing as long as you live in my house
  • 00:05:54
    you are not going to have blue hair if
  • 00:05:57
    they are going to jump off a bridge
  • 00:06:00
    are you going to go with it again this
  • 00:06:04
    sets up a fight or causes the child to
  • 00:06:08
    withdraw active listening teaches you
  • 00:06:12
    repeat back what you hear sounds like
  • 00:06:15
    you want to be like the other
  • 00:06:17
    kids the child might then respond with
  • 00:06:21
    something like sometimes I feel like I
  • 00:06:24
    don't fit in maybe changing the color of
  • 00:06:27
    my hair will help
  • 00:06:31
    this is a completely different
  • 00:06:33
    conversation and likely the one that is
  • 00:06:35
    more helpful to have by actively
  • 00:06:39
    listening you open up communication and
  • 00:06:43
    increase connection which protects the
  • 00:06:47
    child's mental health now at the end of
  • 00:06:50
    30 minutes if my son still wants to have
  • 00:06:52
    blue hair I am likely to say not as long
  • 00:06:55
    as you live in my house there are
  • 00:06:57
    certain standards that are okay and some
  • 00:07:00
    that are not if I have taken the time to
  • 00:07:04
    listen even when I say no my children
  • 00:07:09
    are more likely to accept the boundaries
  • 00:07:12
    time and listening will dramatically
  • 00:07:15
    improve the bond between you and your
  • 00:07:18
    kids or grandkids my grandfather was a
  • 00:07:22
    great listener
Tags
  • familiære forhold
  • aktiviteter med barn
  • aktiv lytting
  • barneoppdragelse
  • relasjonsbygging