Intersexion: Boy or Girl? (Intersex Documentary) | Real Stories

00:52:45
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czbQRjdGvYQ

Ringkasan

TLDRThis video explores the lives of intersex individuals, detailing their challenges and experiences with medical interventions from birth. Many were subjected to surgeries intended to assign them a clear male or female identity without their informed consent. The narrative connects personal stories revealing the emotional and physical repercussions of such treatments, as well as the broader implications for understanding gender and intersex identities in societal contexts. Increasingly, intersex people are advocating for their rights, seeking self-acceptance, and encouraging society to embrace the diversity of human bodies beyond traditional gender binaries.

Takeaways

  • 👶 Intersex births occur in approximately 1 in 1,500 to 1 in 2,000 cases.
  • 🩺 Historical medical practices often involved non-consensual surgeries on intersex infants.
  • 🔍 Many intersex individuals experience trauma from secrecy surrounding their identities.
  • 🌈 Intersex people may identify outside traditional male/female categories.
  • 🤝 Growing advocacy seeks to end harmful surgeries and promote intersex rights.
  • 🔗 The internet is a vital space for intersex support and community building.
  • 🎭 Societal perceptions often oversimplify gender, leading to stigma.
  • 🔄 Medical practices are gradually being challenged for ethical reforms.
  • 📣 Media representation of intersex individuals is increasing but remains limited.
  • 💔 Many intersex individuals report negative life impacts due to forced medical interventions.

Garis waktu

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    After my birth, there was confusion regarding my gender despite a reliable test indicating I was a boy. My mother was sedated for days and told to dress me in neutral colors while they determined my sex. This reflects cultural norms regarding gender assignment as soon as a baby is born. We often define life based on whether someone is male or female, ignoring those who are intersex.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Being born intersex means that one has biological characteristics that don’t fit typical definitions of male or female. I recount my personal experiences of being assigned male at birth and having surgeries to fit societal expectations, and now identify as neither. Intersex encompasses many conditions, and the prevalence of intersex births is often underestimated, highlighting a need for awareness of this community.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    Historical medical practices often led to secrecy and invasive surgeries for intersex individuals. I share my attempts to navigate a world that imposes strict gender norms and how those in the medical community respond to cases of ambiguous genitals. Each person's journey with their identity can be fraught with challenges, yet there is a growing willingness for intersex individuals to speak openly about their experiences.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Several individuals share their stories of growing up feeling different due to medical interventions as children. The archaic belief that surgical procedures can remove ambiguity and create a clear gender identity often results in trauma and confusion. Many have undergone multiple surgeries only to feel more lost about their identity.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Doctors historically encouraged parents to keep intersex conditions a secret, endorsing surgery to fit their child's body into the binary gender system. These invasive measures often led to feelings of shame and alienation, with many surviving these traumatic experiences seeking to find their truth in adulthood.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    The legacy of Dr. John Money's theories and practices surrounding intersex individuals has created lasting impacts, making children subjects of experimental treatments that don't address their emotional and psychological needs. The tragic case of David Reimer, who struggled with identity after corrective surgery, emphasizes the emotional toll of ignoring an individual’s authentic self.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Intersex individuals often experience great emotional and physical distress due to societal pressure to conform. This includes undergoing surgeries that lead to loss of sexual sensation or complications, reflecting how a lack of understanding and compassion can lead to lifelong trauma.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    Many intersex people flourish in more accepting environments, like San Francisco, where diversity is celebrated. Positive affirmations of identity come from finding love and acceptance despite societal pressures. However, acceptance does not erase the past struggles related to their gender identity.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    The advent of the Internet has provided a platform for intersex individuals to connect with others who share their experiences. With this visibility comes empowerment, allowing individuals to find community and advocate for their rights. Sharing these personal stories contributes to broader societal awareness and change.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:52:45

    Embracing intersex identities instead of hiding them is crucial for both personal healing and societal acceptance. People born intersex contribute to the rich tapestry of human diversity, rejecting the notion that one must fit into rigid categories. Celebrating personal identities, regardless of societal norms, solidifies the intersex community's resilience.

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Peta Pikiran

Video Tanya Jawab

  • What is intersex?

    Intersex refers to individuals born with physical sex characteristics that do not fit typical definitions of male or female.

  • What were the historical treatments for intersex individuals?

    Historically, intersex individuals often underwent surgeries and hormone treatments to conform to societal gender norms, often without their consent.

  • How common is intersex?

    It's estimated that about 1 in 1,500 to 1 in 2,000 births are intersex.

  • What is the impact of surgeries on intersex people?

    Many intersex individuals report negative emotional and physical consequences from surgeries including loss of sexual sensation and ongoing health issues.

  • How do intersex individuals identify?

    Intersex individuals may identify as male, female, both, neither, or along a spectrum, highlighting the diversity of intersex experiences.

  • What support is available for intersex people?

    Various support groups and resources exist, particularly online, where intersex individuals can connect with others and share experiences.

  • What changes are being advocated for intersex rights?

    Advocates are calling for an end to non-consensual surgeries on intersex infants and for greater recognition of intersex rights and identities.

  • How does society perceive intersex individuals?

    Societal perceptions remain largely based on binary gender norms, often leading to misunderstanding and stigma for intersex people.

  • What are the current practices regarding intersex medical care?

    Despite growing awareness, many medical practices still follow outdated protocols that prioritize conforming intersex bodies to binary standards.

  • What role does the media play in the portrayal of intersex individuals?

    Media representation has historically been limited, but there is a growing movement to share intersex stories and increase visibility.

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Gulir Otomatis:
  • 00:00:11
    immediately after birth my parents were
  • 00:00:14
    told that some tests needed to be done
  • 00:00:18
    my mom had a amniocentesis and they say
  • 00:00:22
    it was a foolproof test so they knew
  • 00:00:24
    that she was having a boy when I came
  • 00:00:26
    out there like oh our bad you had a girl
  • 00:00:32
    I've learned from my mother everyone in
  • 00:00:35
    the room fell silent she asked to see
  • 00:00:39
    her baby and they wouldn't show her and
  • 00:00:41
    then she asked what's wrong and they
  • 00:00:43
    wouldn't say and for three days they
  • 00:00:45
    sedated her my parents were told that
  • 00:00:49
    they couldn't tell what sex I was and
  • 00:00:52
    that they should just take me home
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    dress me in yellow and green give me a
  • 00:00:55
    nickname and wait to see
  • 00:00:57
    [Music]
  • 00:01:09
    more than 250 babies are born in the
  • 00:01:13
    world every minute and the first
  • 00:01:15
    question we ask is it a boy or a girl
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    what if it's neither
  • 00:01:20
    what if it's intersex what do you mean
  • 00:01:27
    by into six I was born in a ITR Oh in
  • 00:01:31
    New Zealand in 1953 the first words the
  • 00:01:35
    Midwife said were oh my god it's a
  • 00:01:37
    hermaphrodite well to put it more
  • 00:01:40
    correctly I was born with what was
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    called ambiguous genitals the doctors
  • 00:01:45
    decided I was a boy and my parents named
  • 00:01:47
    me Bruce a year later they were told I
  • 00:01:51
    was actually a girl I became Margaret
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    and then at age 8 I had surgery to
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    rearrange my genitals and make my body
  • 00:02:00
    look more feminine now I proudly
  • 00:02:04
    identify as neither male nor female hi
  • 00:02:08
    my name is Manny Mitchell and I'm an
  • 00:02:10
    intersex person intersex refers to a
  • 00:02:14
    person whose body is not the standard
  • 00:02:16
    male was a standard female type the term
  • 00:02:19
    encompasses over 30 different conditions
  • 00:02:22
    that all originate prenatally during a
  • 00:02:25
    fetuses sexual development and a sex may
  • 00:02:28
    refer to someone having genitals that
  • 00:02:30
    are in between male and female or it
  • 00:02:34
    might mean that somebody looks male on
  • 00:02:36
    the outside but on the inside is mostly
  • 00:02:39
    female or vice versa
  • 00:02:45
    it's I'd be fairly read how many babies
  • 00:02:48
    are born with genitals that are so
  • 00:02:50
    obviously in between male and female
  • 00:02:51
    that a specialist team is called in that
  • 00:02:54
    would be about 1 in 1500 to one in 2,000
  • 00:02:56
    children one that's fairly substantial
  • 00:03:00
    enough more than one in 2,000 and that's
  • 00:03:03
    a conservative estimate that means there
  • 00:03:06
    could be as many as 3 million intersex
  • 00:03:09
    people living in this male/female world
  • 00:03:12
    I want to find out why this relatively
  • 00:03:15
    common phenomena is so unknown so secret
  • 00:03:19
    I want to talk to some of the 1 in 2,000
  • 00:03:22
    of us who don't neatly fit into the
  • 00:03:24
    male-female categories this is a
  • 00:03:27
    difficult thing for most of us to talk
  • 00:03:29
    about but around the world more and more
  • 00:03:32
    intersexuals are now prepared to do just
  • 00:03:34
    that so come and see what it's like to
  • 00:03:37
    grow up in an intersex body
  • 00:03:38
    come and meet some of my people it's
  • 00:03:46
    hard to understand how you fit in when
  • 00:03:49
    there's nobody around you that's
  • 00:03:50
    anything like you my old friend Tiger
  • 00:03:52
    Devore believe it or not when he was
  • 00:03:55
    born there was some doubt whether he was
  • 00:03:57
    male or female there wasn't a clear
  • 00:03:59
    determination about sex at the time of
  • 00:04:02
    birth the later records say that I had
  • 00:04:04
    what's called third-degree hypospadias
  • 00:04:06
    which means that the genitals are
  • 00:04:08
    basically open from what would have been
  • 00:04:11
    the tip of the penis to what would have
  • 00:04:13
    been the base of the testicles but could
  • 00:04:16
    just as easily have been the top of the
  • 00:04:18
    clitoris to the base of the labia majora
  • 00:04:19
    and I had the first surgery to move all
  • 00:04:22
    that massive tissue into something that
  • 00:04:25
    looked more like a penis at age 3 months
  • 00:04:29
    miny intersexuals or as we used to be
  • 00:04:32
    known hermaphrodites are born with this
  • 00:04:34
    kind of ambiguity of the genitals an
  • 00:04:37
    outward appearance that sits somewhere
  • 00:04:40
    in between male and female but though
  • 00:04:43
    intersex births have been taking place
  • 00:04:45
    forever and recent times medicine has
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    had the ability to surgically alter
  • 00:04:50
    ambiguous genitals and render them
  • 00:04:53
    invisible when I was born my genitals
  • 00:04:58
    didn't look very much like a boy's
  • 00:05:00
    genitals there was something a lot
  • 00:05:02
    larger than a clitoris but there was no
  • 00:05:04
    pee hole and what they thought was the
  • 00:05:06
    penis and there was no testes and what
  • 00:05:09
    they might have thought of is the
  • 00:05:10
    scrotum was all open in the middle I'm
  • 00:05:12
    in California wine country to visit my
  • 00:05:14
    dear friend beau LaRonde beau was the
  • 00:05:17
    very first other intersex person I was
  • 00:05:20
    ever aware of when I was a year and a
  • 00:05:22
    half old they figured out that I had
  • 00:05:23
    pretty typical uterus and vagina then
  • 00:05:25
    they told my parents that I was really a
  • 00:05:27
    girl and not a boy and then they removed
  • 00:05:29
    my clitoris completely all the way to
  • 00:05:31
    the inner parts and then they told my
  • 00:05:33
    parents they should move to another town
  • 00:05:34
    and never tell anybody where they went
  • 00:05:36
    they should change my name to one that
  • 00:05:38
    sounds similar so that I won't notice
  • 00:05:40
    the difference and they should go
  • 00:05:41
    through everything that they owned and
  • 00:05:43
    get rid of every picture or letter or
  • 00:05:45
    card that referenced the child had the
  • 00:05:48
    boy's name that was me
  • 00:05:49
    this was the second part of the modern
  • 00:05:52
    formula for treating under seeks baby's
  • 00:05:54
    secrecy ensuring that the child never
  • 00:05:57
    became aware of the truth of the birth
  • 00:05:59
    condition I had more than a dozen
  • 00:06:01
    surgeries before I was 10 there was
  • 00:06:04
    always a smell coming from my crotch I
  • 00:06:06
    knew that I had infections a lot that
  • 00:06:08
    hurt
  • 00:06:09
    that had lots and lots of memories of
  • 00:06:10
    speaking to my doctors and speaking to
  • 00:06:13
    my parents and asking very pointed
  • 00:06:15
    questions why is this happening to me
  • 00:06:17
    what's wrong with me they would say
  • 00:06:19
    things like you've got a leak and we
  • 00:06:21
    have to fix the leak it was obvious to
  • 00:06:23
    me this was more than just a leak
  • 00:06:24
    because there was no other person on the
  • 00:06:27
    planet
  • 00:06:27
    that had this thing going on with them
  • 00:06:30
    and I knew I sort of had some difference
  • 00:06:33
    of the genitals from when I was five
  • 00:06:35
    years old my brothers sort of pulled
  • 00:06:37
    down my pants to show a neighborhood kid
  • 00:06:39
    what I looked like down there I think
  • 00:06:41
    that my parents who were probably told
  • 00:06:44
    not to talk about it but if some strange
  • 00:06:47
    things would come out I remember once as
  • 00:06:49
    playing with something we're like so a
  • 00:06:51
    girly toy and my mom says well you're
  • 00:06:53
    not supposed to play with girly toys so
  • 00:06:55
    I said hey you know why not and my mom
  • 00:06:57
    said because we're supposed to raise you
  • 00:06:59
    as a boy it's not because you're a boy
  • 00:07:01
    it's because we're supposed to raise you
  • 00:07:03
    as a boy this model for dealing with
  • 00:07:06
    intersex children was developed in the
  • 00:07:08
    1950s by a team at the world-renowned
  • 00:07:10
    Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore
  • 00:07:13
    that team was led by a brilliant young
  • 00:07:16
    psychologist dr. John money ironically
  • 00:07:19
    for me dr. money also grew up in New
  • 00:07:22
    Zealand
  • 00:07:22
    money's theory was that gender was
  • 00:07:25
    mostly about nurture about the way
  • 00:07:27
    you're raised that it's not about nature
  • 00:07:29
    whatever happened to you prenatally he
  • 00:07:31
    was using intersex to sort of prove that
  • 00:07:33
    theory and he was trying to show that as
  • 00:07:35
    long as you made a child look typically
  • 00:07:37
    male mostly or typically female mostly
  • 00:07:40
    that you could end up with a straight
  • 00:07:42
    boy or a straight girl who had no gender
  • 00:07:44
    issues and no sexual orientation
  • 00:07:45
    unusualness him big Germany a long way
  • 00:07:50
    from Baltimore I'm here to talk to my
  • 00:07:53
    co-writer another who's grown up under
  • 00:07:55
    the gaze of the medical profession I was
  • 00:07:58
    born with penis so it was possible to
  • 00:08:03
    assign me as male at birth two weeks
  • 00:08:06
    after birth doctors told my parents
  • 00:08:09
    because the chromosomes are female I
  • 00:08:12
    have to be assigned female
  • 00:08:14
    my first surgery was at age 1
  • 00:08:21
    my parents they ever been able to tell
  • 00:08:25
    the neighborhood the truth so they moved
  • 00:08:28
    it was a trustless isolate to child that
  • 00:08:32
    very often go with the parents into the
  • 00:08:36
    mountains than the mountains are very
  • 00:08:38
    empty there are no people later at about
  • 00:08:43
    age 8 every half an year I go to the
  • 00:08:47
    hospital to widen the Virgina
  • 00:08:49
    and about 200 examinations in my life I
  • 00:08:53
    didn't want these examinations but my
  • 00:08:56
    mother took me them that I didn't trust
  • 00:08:59
    him
  • 00:08:59
    I saw her collaborating with my enemies
  • 00:09:07
    Jhin Pagonis raised as a girl she only
  • 00:09:11
    discovered at age 18 that she actually
  • 00:09:13
    has XY or male chromosomes when I was
  • 00:09:17
    born they didn't know anything at first
  • 00:09:19
    about a year later I went to a normal
  • 00:09:21
    checkup
  • 00:09:21
    that's when she noticed something was up
  • 00:09:24
    with my vagina it was 1 and 1/2 then and
  • 00:09:28
    they removed the to go Nets that I had
  • 00:09:31
    in my stomach area when I was 3 they
  • 00:09:36
    decided to remove my clitoris because it
  • 00:09:39
    was too big by their standards for a
  • 00:09:43
    normal girl they claimed that they were
  • 00:09:46
    gonna preserve the function and the
  • 00:09:48
    feeling but in reality it was all about
  • 00:09:51
    appearance and they kind of just hacked
  • 00:09:53
    away at it until it was out of sight and
  • 00:09:56
    out of mind I'm heading to the
  • 00:09:58
    University of Hawaii to talk to
  • 00:10:00
    Professor Milton diamond as early as the
  • 00:10:02
    1950s professor diamond was a
  • 00:10:04
    distinctive voice he didn't believe that
  • 00:10:07
    under six people were the perfect
  • 00:10:09
    proving ground for money's theory that
  • 00:10:11
    jinda was largely learned when dr. money
  • 00:10:14
    came along with his ideas they seemed to
  • 00:10:17
    resonate mostly with the medical
  • 00:10:20
    community so while the rest of the
  • 00:10:22
    academic world still argued
  • 00:10:25
    nature/nurture the medical world didn't
  • 00:10:27
    they just accepted that Johns Hopkins
  • 00:10:30
    University is
  • 00:10:31
    one of the most important medical
  • 00:10:32
    universities in the world and there was
  • 00:10:35
    this real authoritative nough cebause
  • 00:10:37
    Swede if or these children doctors
  • 00:10:40
    became increasingly interventionist
  • 00:10:41
    increasingly aggressive in terms of
  • 00:10:44
    surgeries and in terms of hormonal
  • 00:10:45
    treatments to try to make sure that
  • 00:10:47
    everybody looked clearly male or looked
  • 00:10:50
    clearly female I didn't believe who was
  • 00:10:52
    that simplistic I said that John monies
  • 00:10:56
    ideas were not built on any individual
  • 00:11:00
    that had been brought up in a typical
  • 00:11:02
    way or lived this we know with typical
  • 00:11:05
    biology he took that as a challenge that
  • 00:11:08
    I had sort of thrown down the gauntlet a
  • 00:11:12
    1966 one of a pair of identical twin
  • 00:11:15
    boys Bruce rhymer had his penis
  • 00:11:17
    accidentally burned off and a botched
  • 00:11:19
    circumcision his desperate parents
  • 00:11:22
    turned to doctor money for help and he
  • 00:11:25
    said very quickly if he doesn't have a
  • 00:11:27
    penis in this world there's not many
  • 00:11:31
    options
  • 00:11:32
    I recommend he'd be brought up as a girl
  • 00:11:36
    here was an ideal clinical candidate to
  • 00:11:39
    prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that
  • 00:11:41
    his theory was correct
  • 00:11:42
    Bruce rhymer was renamed Brenda and
  • 00:11:45
    suitably assigned female money announced
  • 00:11:49
    to the medical world that his experiment
  • 00:11:52
    was a success the boy who was six
  • 00:11:55
    changed was living happily as a girl the
  • 00:11:58
    roamer case became internationally
  • 00:12:00
    famous and the model for treating under
  • 00:12:03
    sex children became even more entrenched
  • 00:12:08
    I'm in Chicago to talk to Ellen else
  • 00:12:11
    Tiffany long born to a poor South Side
  • 00:12:14
    family in 1963
  • 00:12:16
    my mother had six sons and called me and
  • 00:12:19
    all my brothers they were rough and
  • 00:12:21
    tough and they fell down on link jump
  • 00:12:22
    back up I fell down like sit there and
  • 00:12:24
    cry like a little girl because that's
  • 00:12:26
    what I was I want it to be a normal boy
  • 00:12:29
    I didn't want what I was called at
  • 00:12:31
    school which was a freak I was maybe
  • 00:12:33
    like 12 years old and with my mom
  • 00:12:34
    grocery shopping and it's a little girl
  • 00:12:36
    like kids till they actually are you a
  • 00:12:38
    boy or a girl I just let them as
  • 00:12:40
    somebody wanted to think well my mom my
  • 00:12:43
    son you know and she got disgusted and
  • 00:12:46
    and she told me from then on I had to
  • 00:12:48
    act more masculine at puberty and the
  • 00:12:51
    six people are sometimes given hormones
  • 00:12:53
    to reinforce their gender assignment but
  • 00:12:56
    for some the condition means that they
  • 00:12:58
    have a resistance to that prescribed
  • 00:13:00
    hormone my voice was getting higher and
  • 00:13:02
    I started growing breasts and I was
  • 00:13:04
    already on a testosterone for two years
  • 00:13:06
    yes my mother really freaked out because
  • 00:13:08
    testosterone was supposed to work at the
  • 00:13:11
    start someone supposed to make me into a
  • 00:13:12
    super boy and it wasn't doing his job
  • 00:13:15
    I was very feminine you don't be a
  • 00:13:19
    little wimp in a bad community can get
  • 00:13:20
    beat up you can get hurt you know you
  • 00:13:22
    have to present this error don't mess
  • 00:13:24
    with me my era was I oh okay so I went
  • 00:13:28
    off to the junior high school I didn't
  • 00:13:30
    last very long I became extremely
  • 00:13:32
    nervous going to the lock every week
  • 00:13:34
    this is the in the days when you had a
  • 00:13:35
    sort of undress and march through the
  • 00:13:37
    showers and everything and I noticed I
  • 00:13:38
    had this sort of the smallest penis in
  • 00:13:40
    the whole place out of a hundred guys on
  • 00:13:42
    dressing so that made me very nervous
  • 00:13:44
    and then there was other questions about
  • 00:13:46
    my body which I didn't want to reveal I
  • 00:13:47
    was trained from a very very young age
  • 00:13:49
    never to tell anybody about what was
  • 00:13:51
    happening during the summer I had to go
  • 00:13:53
    along with an agreed to fabrication
  • 00:13:55
    about what vacation we went on when in
  • 00:13:57
    fact I was in the hospital for six to
  • 00:13:59
    ten weeks at a time so I knew pretty
  • 00:14:01
    quick that this wasn't something I could
  • 00:14:03
    discuss with anybody
  • 00:14:04
    because of the way that they make the
  • 00:14:06
    urethra which is the hole that you pee
  • 00:14:08
    through in between surgeries I would
  • 00:14:10
    have to keep that open with a dilator
  • 00:14:12
    and I wasn't able to do that myself so
  • 00:14:14
    my mom had to do that for me otherwise I
  • 00:14:17
    would have had to have been in the
  • 00:14:18
    doctor's office every day to have
  • 00:14:20
    somebody you know putting this steel rod
  • 00:14:22
    into my penis so you know uncomfortable
  • 00:14:24
    stuff for a little kid
  • 00:14:25
    [Music]
  • 00:14:29
    growing up with shame and secrecy can
  • 00:14:32
    have other more tragic consequences if
  • 00:14:36
    my mother ever saw this film this is the
  • 00:14:38
    time she should turn the television off
  • 00:14:39
    I was abused by more than one person for
  • 00:14:44
    most of my life at home most profoundly
  • 00:14:47
    from about the age of 10 or 11 and that
  • 00:14:50
    a feature of that abuse was my
  • 00:14:52
    difference although I was being raised
  • 00:14:54
    as a male I was dressed as a female and
  • 00:14:56
    I was abused as a female photographs
  • 00:14:59
    were taken off me and an important
  • 00:15:02
    aspect of that photography was that
  • 00:15:05
    difference about me our genitals have
  • 00:15:09
    been touched right from when we were
  • 00:15:12
    little we've been taught never to talk
  • 00:15:14
    about our different bodies and so sexual
  • 00:15:19
    predators are very good at picking out
  • 00:15:21
    children that would make good victims I
  • 00:15:23
    was the victim of the person and the
  • 00:15:26
    community that had easy access to me
  • 00:15:29
    he always said that if I ever told
  • 00:15:31
    anybody they would cut it off that's
  • 00:15:33
    what he used to say so I can remember
  • 00:15:35
    when I had that surgery in hospital
  • 00:15:38
    being sort of outraged and confused
  • 00:15:42
    because I knew that I'd never told
  • 00:15:44
    anybody so why was it being cut off
  • 00:15:49
    [Music]
  • 00:15:51
    the secrecy along with the surgeries
  • 00:15:53
    continued for many under puberty and
  • 00:15:56
    beyond around the age of 11 12
  • 00:15:59
    he said we noticed your vaginal opening
  • 00:16:01
    is a little bit smaller than normal
  • 00:16:03
    we're just gonna make a little incision
  • 00:16:05
    and make it a little bit bigger so that
  • 00:16:07
    you could have normal sex with your
  • 00:16:08
    husband when you're older and only a
  • 00:16:10
    doctor's I could tell that you're
  • 00:16:11
    different than any other woman
  • 00:16:15
    I started having sex with my boyfriend
  • 00:16:17
    when I was 16 and it took like three
  • 00:16:20
    months for his penis to go inside of me
  • 00:16:24
    and when it did it really really really
  • 00:16:28
    really hurt and it ended up tearing me
  • 00:16:30
    open like every time but I still thought
  • 00:16:33
    it was like all my fault like I thought
  • 00:16:35
    I was doing something wrong during sex
  • 00:16:37
    and that one day this orgasm was gonna
  • 00:16:40
    happen I just had to get through this
  • 00:16:42
    like painful stage because like the
  • 00:16:44
    doctor said I would have normal sex with
  • 00:16:46
    my husband and I just really really
  • 00:16:47
    really believed I often would have
  • 00:16:51
    dreams of cutting it all off like
  • 00:16:53
    cutting my skin off or just cutting my
  • 00:16:55
    vagina off just not wanting to be a part
  • 00:16:57
    of my body
  • 00:17:01
    it would seem that the prospect of a
  • 00:17:03
    child without obviously male or
  • 00:17:05
    obviously female genitals has been just
  • 00:17:08
    too much to handle
  • 00:17:09
    but what of the people who escape this
  • 00:17:11
    treatment they do exist
  • 00:17:14
    my good buddy heeda Viloria my mother
  • 00:17:17
    kind of let it slip once that when you
  • 00:17:19
    were born they didn't know if you're a
  • 00:17:21
    girl or a boy
  • 00:17:22
    she giggled my father's medical doctor
  • 00:17:26
    what they told him would be different
  • 00:17:28
    from your average parent I never heard
  • 00:17:30
    anything about there being anything
  • 00:17:32
    wrong with me in any way so no I have
  • 00:17:36
    not had any treatment I was changing
  • 00:17:39
    with one of my best friends to go
  • 00:17:41
    swimming and I dropped something and I
  • 00:17:43
    ended up you know down by her genitals
  • 00:17:45
    and I saw him and I thought why are hers
  • 00:17:48
    flat she's missing something I first
  • 00:17:51
    became aware that I was different
  • 00:17:53
    when my brother was born why did he look
  • 00:17:56
    different than me my parents started to
  • 00:17:58
    explain it wasn't that he was different
  • 00:18:00
    it was that I was different I had what
  • 00:18:03
    was either a tiny penis or a very big
  • 00:18:07
    [ __ ] and no sign of a vagina and no
  • 00:18:12
    testicles so they weren't really sure
  • 00:18:15
    what sex I was my parents would never
  • 00:18:17
    have consented to exploratory surgery by
  • 00:18:21
    the time I was three years old it was
  • 00:18:22
    very plain that I identified as a boy
  • 00:18:25
    and when other people saw me they always
  • 00:18:27
    said how's your little boy or what a
  • 00:18:29
    cute little boy you have and so my
  • 00:18:31
    parents raised me boy I did not live a
  • 00:18:35
    horrible childhood at all I used to tell
  • 00:18:37
    my friends that I was like Superman I
  • 00:18:39
    had fallen from space and they couldn't
  • 00:18:42
    tell anybody about it
  • 00:18:43
    and I dropped my pants and proved it to
  • 00:18:44
    him my intersex condition is that where
  • 00:18:49
    I was born in the female body however
  • 00:18:51
    have the male chromosomes X Y chromosome
  • 00:18:55
    never thought like a female ever you
  • 00:18:58
    know it's considered a tomboy of the
  • 00:18:59
    family officer Danny Lee Harris of the
  • 00:19:02
    Atlanta Police Department
  • 00:19:04
    he managed to avoid early childhood
  • 00:19:06
    surgery my first girlfriend she said
  • 00:19:09
    your clitoris is extremely big for a
  • 00:19:11
    female I said okay well I'm just bigger
  • 00:19:13
    than you she was like no you need to go
  • 00:19:15
    to the doctor if I doubt why number one
  • 00:19:17
    you have a menstrual cycle number two
  • 00:19:19
    while you're clearly is so big and
  • 00:19:20
    because of that is what actually started
  • 00:19:23
    me on my process of finding out that I
  • 00:19:24
    was indeed intersex I was working a job
  • 00:19:27
    over at the local hotel and a gentleman
  • 00:19:30
    came up to me and said sir
  • 00:19:32
    ma'am what are you most people I would
  • 00:19:37
    have been offended but I was just like
  • 00:19:39
    it's whatever you want me to be
  • 00:19:42
    it was after sleeping with a few
  • 00:19:45
    different women that I realized wow I am
  • 00:19:48
    doing things here that girls are not
  • 00:19:50
    supposed to be able to do the clitoris
  • 00:19:52
    is the only organ on the human body that
  • 00:19:55
    specific purpose is pleasure and it
  • 00:19:58
    follows that having a large clitoris is
  • 00:20:02
    just a very positive thing unfortunately
  • 00:20:06
    though even for those intersex people
  • 00:20:08
    who escaped the surgeon's knife the
  • 00:20:10
    pressure to conform continues throughout
  • 00:20:13
    life as a teenager I stopped growing my
  • 00:20:16
    mom wanted to take me to a new gender
  • 00:20:18
    clinic and it was an absolute nightmare
  • 00:20:20
    they said that they had assigned me the
  • 00:20:22
    wrong sex because there was no way that
  • 00:20:24
    I could live a normal healthy life with
  • 00:20:27
    the genitals I have and they couldn't
  • 00:20:30
    make me decent male ones and it would
  • 00:20:32
    have been much easier to make me a girl
  • 00:20:33
    than it would have been to make me a boy
  • 00:20:35
    and now I was nothing
  • 00:20:36
    I was literally told this I was 14 years
  • 00:20:38
    old they said you're not male you're not
  • 00:20:40
    female that's all there is in this world
  • 00:20:42
    is male and female you're nothing I was
  • 00:20:45
    taught to be masculine I was taught to
  • 00:20:47
    be male I was told the past as a boy I
  • 00:20:49
    was taught to strive to be as boy light
  • 00:20:51
    as possible it's absurd I can't measure
  • 00:20:54
    up to being male the truth of my
  • 00:20:56
    identity is and I'm an intersex person I
  • 00:20:58
    had this outside physical appearance
  • 00:21:01
    that is very masculine but I'm wearing
  • 00:21:04
    it yeah
  • 00:21:05
    I'm wearing this over Who I am I get to
  • 00:21:08
    be this intersex person in man drag the
  • 00:21:12
    idea was that I could not live an adult
  • 00:21:14
    life without a set of genitals that
  • 00:21:16
    looked absolutely male why oh you can't
  • 00:21:20
    go into men's bathrooms what'd you mean
  • 00:21:22
    I can't go into men's bathrooms I've
  • 00:21:23
    been going to men's bathrooms all my
  • 00:21:25
    life
  • 00:21:25
    oh you can't stand at a urinal that
  • 00:21:29
    newspaper any man with a potbelly that
  • 00:21:34
    Ang's over his [ __ ] has to sit to pay
  • 00:21:37
    being able to stand to pee is not a
  • 00:21:40
    guarantee of having a fully formed
  • 00:21:43
    normal-sized penis a lot of intersex
  • 00:21:51
    people are born with no visible
  • 00:21:53
    difference of the genitals they grow out
  • 00:21:55
    without any idea until puberty but for
  • 00:22:00
    them too there is pressure to have their
  • 00:22:02
    bodies conform when I was 15 I have been
  • 00:22:05
    physically developed for quite some time
  • 00:22:07
    but I'd never begun to men straight my
  • 00:22:09
    mother and I became concerned and
  • 00:22:10
    decided I should go to a doctor and just
  • 00:22:12
    make sure everything was okay they
  • 00:22:14
    assumed that my hymen had closed so that
  • 00:22:17
    I was menstruating and that the blood
  • 00:22:19
    wasn't coming out and that that was
  • 00:22:21
    causing the pain so they went in and did
  • 00:22:23
    that was my first surgery it was when
  • 00:22:26
    they attempted to cut my hymen that they
  • 00:22:28
    realized that I didn't have a hymen or a
  • 00:22:30
    vagina and that's how I found out I was
  • 00:22:33
    then told that I would have to have
  • 00:22:35
    surgery so that I could have a normal
  • 00:22:37
    sex life with my husband when I got
  • 00:22:39
    married and I had my vaginal
  • 00:22:41
    reconstructive surgery when I was 15 my
  • 00:22:44
    friends were all told that I was going
  • 00:22:46
    on vacation so I didn't have anybody
  • 00:22:48
    come visit me I laid in the hospital for
  • 00:22:50
    17 days with things stuck in me they
  • 00:22:53
    took all the skin off of my butt and
  • 00:22:54
    wrapped it around a mold and inserted it
  • 00:22:56
    inside of me to create a vagina and then
  • 00:22:59
    people would come in and sort of check
  • 00:23:01
    it and poke and prod and I remember
  • 00:23:04
    waking up in the middle of the night and
  • 00:23:05
    there was a strange man under my sheets
  • 00:23:08
    and it's like who are you oh he said Oh
  • 00:23:11
    at the podiatrist I was just curious
  • 00:23:13
    podiatrists of it for other end to six
  • 00:23:18
    people the medical solution hasn't been
  • 00:23:21
    surgery for them the intervention was
  • 00:23:23
    hormonal I was told that I had X X Y sex
  • 00:23:27
    chromosomes that my testicular tissue
  • 00:23:30
    was so small and it only produced ten
  • 00:23:33
    percent of normal testosterone levels
  • 00:23:35
    for him for a male and I am sterile and
  • 00:23:40
    that day I was started on testosterone
  • 00:23:43
    every hair follicle on my body started
  • 00:23:47
    sprouting hair
  • 00:23:48
    I hated it I mean testosterone has had a
  • 00:23:52
    lot of negative consequences including
  • 00:23:55
    to prostate reduction surgeries I wasn't
  • 00:24:00
    really aware of what it was gonna do to
  • 00:24:02
    me what it did do to me that I liked was
  • 00:24:04
    it made me really horny by 1981 I was
  • 00:24:08
    infected with HIV because I was having
  • 00:24:12
    lots of sex with lots of different
  • 00:24:13
    people men in 1998 I was diagnosed with
  • 00:24:18
    AIDS
  • 00:24:19
    [Music]
  • 00:24:26
    hey Kevin Coleman also born with an
  • 00:24:29
    additional X chromosome a condition
  • 00:24:32
    called Klinefelter's syndrome I don't
  • 00:24:36
    produce enough testosterone naturally in
  • 00:24:39
    my body
  • 00:24:39
    [Music]
  • 00:24:41
    we've got generally small testes and
  • 00:24:45
    sparse body hair you know we don't grow
  • 00:24:48
    very much facial hair I didn't need to
  • 00:24:51
    shave till I was 26 it's great I didn't
  • 00:24:57
    hit puberty there was nothing happening
  • 00:25:00
    with me Wow I have to watch everybody
  • 00:25:03
    else basically doing what it said in the
  • 00:25:05
    biology book that they'd be doing but of
  • 00:25:07
    course what was it saying I was doing
  • 00:25:09
    there was no explanation basically they
  • 00:25:12
    were looking at my body and going well
  • 00:25:14
    apart from him having small balls and a
  • 00:25:16
    small penis you know he looks like a
  • 00:25:20
    normal boy to me but I was growing
  • 00:25:23
    breasts I mean they were all quite small
  • 00:25:25
    but they were visible and sticking out
  • 00:25:27
    on the side view it was suicidal
  • 00:25:30
    thoughts I was getting bullied and
  • 00:25:32
    slagged
  • 00:25:33
    that was the worst part of it really you
  • 00:25:35
    know having to listen to other people
  • 00:25:37
    telling you what you are and you're not
  • 00:25:39
    even sure what the hell you are and I'm
  • 00:25:40
    thinking maybe I am a girl cuz I
  • 00:25:42
    certainly don't feel like a guy never
  • 00:25:44
    felt like a guy I think a lot of
  • 00:25:46
    intersex people are not I'm sexually
  • 00:25:49
    active to share our body that we're not
  • 00:25:51
    actually comfortable with with somebody
  • 00:25:54
    else is really a nightmare scary as hell
  • 00:25:59
    and you just don't want to risk the
  • 00:26:00
    rejection
  • 00:26:03
    I got mirror to a girl I got married to
  • 00:26:06
    a girl just like my mother because
  • 00:26:08
    that's what every man wants to marry
  • 00:26:09
    someone like mom and it was the worst
  • 00:26:12
    relationship of my life I knew what I
  • 00:26:15
    was a guy I was effeminate because my
  • 00:26:17
    penis it was just hard to talk about it
  • 00:26:19
    I didn't want to be naked in front of
  • 00:26:21
    anyone you know sex with the lights off
  • 00:26:23
    those hurt being this guy you know for
  • 00:26:26
    my wife and so I decided good the force
  • 00:26:28
    I couldn't do it anymore
  • 00:26:30
    I already started to use drugs in the
  • 00:26:32
    end of our relationship because he was
  • 00:26:34
    easy being stoned out of my mind and
  • 00:26:37
    coming home and his passing out I
  • 00:26:42
    understand these difficulties for me I
  • 00:26:45
    haven't had a loving relationship after
  • 00:26:48
    all I was a child being told that my
  • 00:26:50
    body was so horrendous and so not okay
  • 00:26:52
    it had to have pieces cut off it people
  • 00:26:58
    get labeled and dumped into like so the
  • 00:27:01
    [ __ ] bag
  • 00:27:01
    that's where guy who doesn't sort you
  • 00:27:04
    know conform to to sort of traditional
  • 00:27:06
    notions of masculinity must be gay
  • 00:27:08
    because they're not conformity and I got
  • 00:27:11
    put in that bag and so that was a very
  • 00:27:13
    painful thing that was a very painful to
  • 00:27:15
    place to be in my rotation is
  • 00:27:18
    heterosexual other words in my fantasy
  • 00:27:21
    world I think about women when I was
  • 00:27:24
    like 19 20 I tried dating a few times
  • 00:27:26
    and it usually went nowhere because you
  • 00:27:29
    know they sort of see my difference the
  • 00:27:31
    features the perineum and they sort of
  • 00:27:33
    sort of asked me about a night Freeza
  • 00:27:35
    stare at the ceiling and it was like a
  • 00:27:37
    disaster I basically sort of became a
  • 00:27:40
    sexual in the face of all of this I'm an
  • 00:27:44
    elderly guy unmarried so outside the
  • 00:27:48
    mainstream and I'm still read as gay
  • 00:27:50
    that's what's gonna happen in my
  • 00:27:51
    lifetime was I'm gonna be seen as a
  • 00:27:54
    repressed gay Bruce
  • 00:27:56
    [Music]
  • 00:28:05
    for those who confuse the boundaries
  • 00:28:07
    between the sexes the consequences can
  • 00:28:10
    be severe
  • 00:28:13
    Sally gross grew up in apartheid South
  • 00:28:16
    Africa is so one a boy who was oblivious
  • 00:28:19
    to how his genitals might be different
  • 00:28:21
    to others I had some sense that
  • 00:28:24
    something was all right
  • 00:28:25
    although I had no sense that it was to
  • 00:28:28
    do with plumbing puberty was kind of
  • 00:28:34
    confusing my expectation was that I'd
  • 00:28:38
    develop some kind of orientation an
  • 00:28:41
    attraction of some kind no I was a
  • 00:28:45
    search
  • 00:28:46
    I'm simply wired differently as one of
  • 00:28:52
    nature's celibate
  • 00:28:53
    selwyn gravitated towards religious life
  • 00:28:55
    and by the age of 34 had been ordained
  • 00:28:59
    into the catholic order of dominican
  • 00:29:01
    priests my genitalia are a part is
  • 00:29:06
    radically ambiguous so you can actually
  • 00:29:08
    get and it says a great deal about my
  • 00:29:12
    own kind of naivety and lack of
  • 00:29:14
    curiosity that this was a penny which
  • 00:29:17
    did not drop until I was actually in my
  • 00:29:19
    40s if people didn't know me that
  • 00:29:24
    sometimes certainly take me for a woman
  • 00:29:26
    and it transpired that some of the
  • 00:29:28
    children in the congregation were not
  • 00:29:30
    persuaded that father was actually male
  • 00:29:34
    I knew that there was an issue of kind
  • 00:29:36
    of gender and bartolina's I didn't know
  • 00:29:38
    exactly what it was so I determined to
  • 00:29:41
    take kind of advice about it - no I had
  • 00:29:44
    not just repressed it and I was advised
  • 00:29:49
    to to live it experimentally in female
  • 00:29:53
    role I didn't like the process of having
  • 00:29:56
    to learn to put on makeup you know
  • 00:29:59
    wearing the clothing well okay
  • 00:30:01
    in a sense presenting as female did less
  • 00:30:03
    violence to me than did presenting as
  • 00:30:06
    male but the truth is a person
  • 00:30:10
    unbe this will proved too much for the
  • 00:30:15
    Dominicans Sally was eventually pushed
  • 00:30:18
    out of the order
  • 00:30:23
    it was max and I'm really looking
  • 00:30:26
    forward to the day when a child is born
  • 00:30:28
    you know people put a I don't know sign
  • 00:30:32
    on the front wall that says it's the
  • 00:30:33
    baby instead of it's a boy or it's a
  • 00:30:35
    girl another one of the close friends I
  • 00:30:39
    made on my first trip to America was max
  • 00:30:41
    Bick I've looked up at this person she
  • 00:30:44
    looked back at me and I thought oh dear
  • 00:30:46
    pretty much love at first sight max at
  • 00:30:49
    the time was Judy and was living as a
  • 00:30:51
    woman I was appalled that she thought
  • 00:30:55
    this would really have any impact
  • 00:30:56
    whatsoever on how it felt about her but
  • 00:30:58
    she sort of been her whole life led to
  • 00:31:00
    believe that this was not something that
  • 00:31:02
    could ever be discussed
  • 00:31:04
    doctors had assigned her female that she
  • 00:31:06
    had a series of surgeries and hormonal
  • 00:31:08
    interventions to make her into a girl
  • 00:31:10
    essentially when max was 15 he had
  • 00:31:13
    vaginoplasty because there weren't that
  • 00:31:15
    many people with Max's medical condition
  • 00:31:17
    they had a round robin of residents come
  • 00:31:20
    and view the effects of this surgery no
  • 00:31:22
    rubra this is a vagina we're not talking
  • 00:31:23
    about an elbow people would routinely
  • 00:31:25
    lift this drape check everything out put
  • 00:31:27
    the drape back down this is a fifteen
  • 00:31:28
    year old girl that we're talking about
  • 00:31:30
    that's not dignified max was always very
  • 00:31:34
    male identified so dressed more like a
  • 00:31:36
    guy did more guy like things took up
  • 00:31:37
    space in a room the way a man would and
  • 00:31:40
    ultimately started seeing a new
  • 00:31:42
    endocrinologist who on the first visit
  • 00:31:45
    said so what's it gonna be estrogen or
  • 00:31:46
    testosterone because you have to take
  • 00:31:48
    something for your bones for your heart
  • 00:31:50
    and for other systems and that was
  • 00:31:51
    really the first time that max was ever
  • 00:31:53
    offered a choice because estrogens had
  • 00:31:57
    been such a wretched experience he
  • 00:31:58
    thought tried testosterone why not
  • 00:32:02
    when Max had to renew his driver's
  • 00:32:05
    license
  • 00:32:05
    the clerk took one look at max and
  • 00:32:07
    looked at the license and decided some
  • 00:32:09
    hideous clerical error had been made and
  • 00:32:11
    just changed it to mail on the system so
  • 00:32:13
    we were very excited when he came out
  • 00:32:14
    and looked at it and said I'm a boy
  • 00:32:19
    we got married in the middle of my
  • 00:32:21
    pregnancy with alder we had a shotgun
  • 00:32:23
    wedding I wanted both marriage and
  • 00:32:25
    children I would have preferred that the
  • 00:32:26
    marriage came first but ultimately we
  • 00:32:28
    decided max would be in charge of the
  • 00:32:30
    timing of our marriage and I would be in
  • 00:32:31
    charge of the timing of children alder
  • 00:32:33
    was conceived with the help of an
  • 00:32:35
    anonymous donor and when we finally did
  • 00:32:37
    conceive her he he went out and proposed
  • 00:32:39
    the next weekend there's daddy
  • 00:32:43
    he's a devious story
  • 00:32:45
    max really was my other half he was my
  • 00:32:50
    soul mate
  • 00:32:55
    and I was so lucky to have him for the
  • 00:32:57
    diamond did
  • 00:33:01
    well maxed out of cancer in January of
  • 00:33:05
    2008 and it actually was a vaginal
  • 00:33:08
    cancer which was really complicated in
  • 00:33:11
    terms of his treatment because men don't
  • 00:33:13
    get vaginal cancer so was about a three
  • 00:33:17
    year battle and of course we'd had our
  • 00:33:20
    second child about two months after his
  • 00:33:22
    diagnosis it was very difficult timing
  • 00:33:25
    on a family level because we had this
  • 00:33:27
    child coming into the world along with
  • 00:33:29
    this diagnosis of stage 4 cancer he
  • 00:33:33
    tried very hard to be optimistic he
  • 00:33:35
    really wanted Griffin to remember him
  • 00:33:36
    and he really wanted to be there for
  • 00:33:38
    altar when max found out that he was
  • 00:33:42
    actually dying that was the first thing
  • 00:33:44
    he said I just wanted my little boy to
  • 00:33:46
    remember me
  • 00:33:47
    [Music]
  • 00:34:01
    the common story for those of us born
  • 00:34:04
    intersex has the world of Medicine
  • 00:34:06
    trying to erase our physical differences
  • 00:34:09
    surgically and hormonal e conforming us
  • 00:34:13
    to male or female the theory was that
  • 00:34:16
    have always all kept completely secret
  • 00:34:17
    from the child they would grow up and be
  • 00:34:21
    okay well the reality for many of us is
  • 00:34:24
    it wasn't okay I got a gynecologist who
  • 00:34:28
    agreed to help me get my medical records
  • 00:34:30
    she handed me these three pages that
  • 00:34:32
    said I was a true hermaphrodite and that
  • 00:34:34
    my parents had a son who was named Brian
  • 00:34:36
    that he was born on my birthday at my
  • 00:34:39
    address and then his name is just
  • 00:34:41
    crossed out I realized I was so
  • 00:34:44
    distressed and I was filled with shame
  • 00:34:47
    and I was having really a complete
  • 00:34:50
    emotional breakdown I called a couple
  • 00:34:52
    people and said I'm so trouble I just
  • 00:34:54
    need some help and I was turned down by
  • 00:34:58
    each of the people I called like boo I
  • 00:35:01
    was an adult before I discovered the
  • 00:35:03
    truth about my early years when my mom
  • 00:35:07
    developed a life-threatening illness she
  • 00:35:09
    organized everything so those piles of
  • 00:35:12
    things that mom thought were important
  • 00:35:15
    there was a piece of sellotape with my
  • 00:35:18
    name and the front and while I was
  • 00:35:21
    flicking through it fell off and there
  • 00:35:24
    was this Bruce Mitchell underneath which
  • 00:35:27
    I don't relate to myself I thought it
  • 00:35:29
    was a recycle Plunkett book or there's
  • 00:35:33
    two entries one that says nicely laid
  • 00:35:36
    and another one that sees six determined
  • 00:35:40
    as female now the bottom started falling
  • 00:35:43
    out of my world actually came to the
  • 00:35:47
    conclusion I'm gonna kill myself I was
  • 00:35:49
    gonna use a straight razor and I
  • 00:35:51
    remember thinking about how it's gonna
  • 00:35:53
    cut and where in order to be most
  • 00:35:55
    certain that I would be successful with
  • 00:35:57
    all cousin I'll be able to do it with
  • 00:35:59
    the least suffering and then I remember
  • 00:36:01
    thinking man I am really pissed I'm
  • 00:36:04
    gonna do this I'm gonna find the surgeon
  • 00:36:06
    I'm gonna kill myself in front of him
  • 00:36:09
    that's when the moment I realized oh the
  • 00:36:11
    thing that's causing me to have such a
  • 00:36:13
    miserable life is not the clutter ectomy
  • 00:36:15
    it's a shame and that's wrong whatever
  • 00:36:18
    body I was born with can't be shameful I
  • 00:36:21
    thought I want to figure out how to heal
  • 00:36:24
    myself and how to have a life that's
  • 00:36:26
    worth living I was able to publish a
  • 00:36:30
    letter in a magazine called the sciences
  • 00:36:32
    that announced that I had started a
  • 00:36:34
    support and advocacy group called
  • 00:36:36
    intersex Society of North America
  • 00:36:37
    although at that moment all I had was a
  • 00:36:39
    peel box pretty soon people were writing
  • 00:36:43
    and not long after that I would often
  • 00:36:45
    call them and pretty soon I had a head
  • 00:36:47
    headphone because I didn't be on the
  • 00:36:49
    phone for hours with people and every
  • 00:36:50
    one of them said I never thought I would
  • 00:36:52
    ever hear from or meet or read about
  • 00:36:54
    another person like me
  • 00:36:55
    remember we took those photographs I
  • 00:36:57
    decided that it would be incredibly
  • 00:36:59
    healing for a bunch of intersex people
  • 00:37:01
    to meet up to share these stories and
  • 00:37:03
    experiences so she seemed out an
  • 00:37:06
    invitation and one even made it all the
  • 00:37:09
    way to New Zealand here we are at the
  • 00:37:12
    first-ever International World intersex
  • 00:37:15
    meeting it feels absolutely incredible
  • 00:37:20
    to have come all the way from New
  • 00:37:21
    Zealand for the feast day of a gathering
  • 00:37:23
    I hear a huge debt of gratitude I don't
  • 00:37:27
    think I would still be here on planet
  • 00:37:29
    Earth if it wasn't for Bo I thought when
  • 00:37:33
    I heard there was an intersex retreat
  • 00:37:35
    that I was going to meet all these other
  • 00:37:36
    people with similarly different bodies
  • 00:37:39
    and we could discuss wow what was it
  • 00:37:41
    like with you did you have this
  • 00:37:43
    experience and did you have that
  • 00:37:44
    experience and you know what is it like
  • 00:37:46
    with you dating and sexually and what
  • 00:37:49
    found was that these people were
  • 00:37:52
    traumatized I just want to get an adult
  • 00:37:55
    rusty knife and start hacking off other
  • 00:37:58
    doctors genitals and say Harry's son of
  • 00:38:01
    a [ __ ]
  • 00:38:01
    how do you know how do you think it
  • 00:38:03
    feels it was like you know wading into a
  • 00:38:06
    war zone people treated me like a freak
  • 00:38:08
    they lied to me they cut me up they
  • 00:38:11
    harmed me in ways that prevent me from
  • 00:38:14
    being romantically or sexually intimate
  • 00:38:16
    with people they caused me to feel like
  • 00:38:19
    my body is disgusting people would refer
  • 00:38:22
    to their genitals as the genitals to
  • 00:38:24
    have had your most sensitive vulnerable
  • 00:38:27
    private organs mutilated I used to feel
  • 00:38:31
    survivor guilt when I first met others
  • 00:38:34
    in the community now I just feel really
  • 00:38:37
    blessed that I don't have that I think
  • 00:38:40
    it's like the greatest gift my parents
  • 00:38:43
    ever gave me at gathering was really the
  • 00:38:46
    stat for me and many others and
  • 00:38:48
    realizing that we've been treated poorly
  • 00:38:50
    we were part of a generation of children
  • 00:38:53
    who had been surgically and hormonal II
  • 00:38:55
    assigned to fit neatly into male or
  • 00:38:58
    female a generation who were left
  • 00:39:00
    traumatized and damaged the problem with
  • 00:39:04
    money system is that when it went out
  • 00:39:06
    into the world it became a really
  • 00:39:08
    damaging system a lot of people had
  • 00:39:10
    their genitals surgically altered in
  • 00:39:12
    ways that left them with pain with
  • 00:39:14
    incontinence with reduced sexual
  • 00:39:15
    sensation with all sorts of problems and
  • 00:39:18
    and very rarely with normal-looking
  • 00:39:19
    genitals I'm very angry at the genitals
  • 00:39:21
    that were taken away from me very angry
  • 00:39:24
    at how much good sensation was taken
  • 00:39:26
    away from me I would like to had a whole
  • 00:39:28
    lot more say over the body I would have
  • 00:39:30
    had the life I would have had the
  • 00:39:31
    identity I would have had I think it's
  • 00:39:33
    very likely there are people out there
  • 00:39:35
    who are glad that they were treated
  • 00:39:38
    according to the system that money and
  • 00:39:39
    his colleagues developed but if they're
  • 00:39:42
    out there I haven't met them journalists
  • 00:39:44
    have gone through and over a decade of
  • 00:39:47
    seeking one person to go on camera even
  • 00:39:49
    behind a potted plant and say
  • 00:39:51
    yes this happened to me and I'm glad my
  • 00:39:53
    parents made this decision so where are
  • 00:39:55
    all of these people you know if I went
  • 00:39:56
    around and said open-heart surgery is a
  • 00:39:59
    sham and nobody should do it anymore
  • 00:40:01
    it's we should just stop a whole bunch
  • 00:40:04
    of people will come out and say well
  • 00:40:05
    actually hoping heart surgery save me
  • 00:40:07
    and I think we should not stop but that
  • 00:40:09
    hasn't been happening around genital
  • 00:40:11
    surgery but what's most amazing to me is
  • 00:40:15
    how long money system dominated and how
  • 00:40:18
    doctors all over the world dealt with
  • 00:40:20
    intersex births part of it obviously was
  • 00:40:23
    that it provided a solution to what is
  • 00:40:25
    considered a very difficult situation
  • 00:40:27
    what do you do when you can't answer the
  • 00:40:30
    question is it a boy or a girl and
  • 00:40:33
    money's idea that gender is largely
  • 00:40:36
    learned struck a chord through the
  • 00:40:38
    sixties and seventies and his reports of
  • 00:40:41
    the success of the Roma case only served
  • 00:40:43
    to reinforce the idea that nurture was
  • 00:40:46
    more important than nature he was
  • 00:40:50
    telling the press and he was reporting
  • 00:40:51
    in the medical literature that this
  • 00:40:53
    child who had basically been sex changed
  • 00:40:55
    had become a girl had become a girly
  • 00:40:57
    girl had become a straight girly girl
  • 00:40:59
    and in his own records he's indicating
  • 00:41:01
    that this isn't working that this child
  • 00:41:03
    is not taking on a female gender
  • 00:41:04
    identity at the age of 14 after years of
  • 00:41:09
    feeling like she was living the wrong
  • 00:41:10
    sex her parents finally revealed the
  • 00:41:13
    truth about her birth bring to stop
  • 00:41:16
    living as a girl and became David money
  • 00:41:21
    continued to tell the world that the
  • 00:41:23
    case was a success here was a man that
  • 00:41:26
    had married and to think that he was
  • 00:41:28
    being presented as a successful woman
  • 00:41:31
    somewhere in the world really offended
  • 00:41:34
    him the problem was not that he believed
  • 00:41:38
    in a theory of gender that turned out
  • 00:41:39
    not to work very well in practice the
  • 00:41:42
    tragedy of John money is that he wanted
  • 00:41:44
    to hang on to a theory that had made him
  • 00:41:46
    famous so badly that he did something
  • 00:41:48
    profoundly unscientific and ultimately
  • 00:41:51
    inhumane
  • 00:41:52
    after years of struggling with the facts
  • 00:41:54
    of his childhood
  • 00:41:55
    tragically David Romer took his own life
  • 00:41:58
    in 2004 despite the fact that intersex
  • 00:42:05
    people around the world now say that the
  • 00:42:07
    treatment was wrong and despite the fact
  • 00:42:10
    that the medical model formulated by
  • 00:42:12
    money and his colleagues has been
  • 00:42:14
    largely discredited hospital practices
  • 00:42:17
    have been slow to change still in the
  • 00:42:20
    United States like about five on
  • 00:42:21
    consensual intersex surgeries done each
  • 00:42:24
    day on intersex children so the actual
  • 00:42:27
    practices haven't changed all that much
  • 00:42:29
    when parents are have a new born
  • 00:42:31
    intersex kid they're told their kid has
  • 00:42:34
    a deformity of the genitals right that
  • 00:42:37
    those are the words that are used and
  • 00:42:38
    then the doctor comes in and says this
  • 00:42:40
    is easy to fix one or two surgeries
  • 00:42:42
    he'll never know so of course nervous
  • 00:42:45
    frightened young parents of an infant
  • 00:42:47
    aren't going to say absolutely do the
  • 00:42:49
    surgery as soon as possible we can take
  • 00:42:51
    your hermaphrodite child guess what they
  • 00:42:54
    would have been if they weren't what
  • 00:42:56
    they are and then turn them into
  • 00:42:58
    something they're not so that it's
  • 00:43:00
    easier for you it's a ripoff so what
  • 00:43:06
    should happen when an intersex baby is
  • 00:43:09
    born number one love your child I don't
  • 00:43:11
    care what else you do that child has
  • 00:43:13
    made no mistake you have a healthy
  • 00:43:16
    intersex child the kid's gonna be okay
  • 00:43:19
    and when it comes time the kid will be
  • 00:43:21
    able to get educated and make a choice
  • 00:43:23
    about what kind of surgery they want to
  • 00:43:25
    have or not have any surgeries at all if
  • 00:43:27
    necessary we can manipulate their
  • 00:43:28
    hormones but they may not have to have
  • 00:43:30
    their holes manipulated puberty they'll
  • 00:43:32
    just grow and be fine and have the
  • 00:43:34
    identity of their own choice that's what
  • 00:43:36
    should be happening that's the truth
  • 00:43:38
    that's what's healthy that's what's real
  • 00:43:40
    that's what's natural
  • 00:43:43
    so much of what I see reflected in the
  • 00:43:46
    lives of intersex people is the effect
  • 00:43:48
    of intolerance and tolerance of
  • 00:43:51
    difference I fantasize about what life
  • 00:43:54
    would be like offender sex was treated
  • 00:43:56
    just the way it should be like no big
  • 00:43:59
    deal
  • 00:43:59
    many intersex people have gravitated
  • 00:44:01
    towards a place where they can be
  • 00:44:03
    themselves probably the most open and
  • 00:44:06
    accepting city in the world San
  • 00:44:08
    Francisco
  • 00:44:14
    I love it here another thing I would it
  • 00:44:17
    be queer and for San Francisco
  • 00:44:22
    Republicans are queer my great friends
  • 00:44:25
    David and Peter gay men on the left and
  • 00:44:27
    two sexes person on the right in San
  • 00:44:30
    Francisco they're just an old married
  • 00:44:32
    couple we met in March of 1978 at a
  • 00:44:36
    bisexual potluck in Sunnyvale California
  • 00:44:38
    it was 28 and he had these gorgeous
  • 00:44:42
    brown eyes next thing I knew is sitting
  • 00:44:46
    next to me we're making out in a circle
  • 00:44:49
    I'm sorry dating each other here we are
  • 00:44:52
    31 years later you know people are just
  • 00:44:55
    really cool with it here I mean I think
  • 00:44:56
    this is the city of exploration right
  • 00:44:58
    it's the most progressive city in the
  • 00:45:00
    country if you can't do it here you this
  • 00:45:04
    is the place when I was really passing
  • 00:45:06
    as a boy right and people couldn't tell
  • 00:45:08
    what I was this is where it was totally
  • 00:45:11
    okay I mean even if I Drive an hour out
  • 00:45:13
    of the city then suddenly it would not
  • 00:45:15
    be okay but this is where really people
  • 00:45:18
    are like well maybe there are
  • 00:45:19
    transgendered person one of the other
  • 00:45:23
    intersex people I meet on that feast
  • 00:45:25
    trip to America was soo-ji she and a
  • 00:45:27
    partner and find the san francisco
  • 00:45:29
    attitude easy to live with
  • 00:45:31
    a lot of people are willing to say well
  • 00:45:33
    i think those are two lesbians but I'm
  • 00:45:35
    not sure and well it's not my business
  • 00:45:38
    you know so I think living where we live
  • 00:45:41
    we get a lot of room yeah as long as
  • 00:45:43
    you're putting your recycling and the
  • 00:45:45
    right containers are not smoking it's
  • 00:45:46
    good
  • 00:45:47
    Sudi was the queen of Street Patrol that
  • 00:45:49
    was the official title and one of the
  • 00:45:50
    martial arts trainers I was very
  • 00:45:52
    impressed
  • 00:45:52
    she thought I was cool yeah I think
  • 00:45:55
    she's still good you just said to me you
  • 00:45:58
    should know I'm not exactly a man and
  • 00:46:00
    I'm not exactly a woman and
  • 00:46:02
    that didn't really even make a wave in
  • 00:46:04
    my world I was just like okay that's you
  • 00:46:06
    know and I don't love suji because she's
  • 00:46:08
    intersex and I don't love suji in spite
  • 00:46:10
    of the fact that she's intersex suji's
  • 00:46:13
    just an extraordinary person and I feel
  • 00:46:15
    very very grateful to have met her and I
  • 00:46:20
    joke sometimes I have to look real good
  • 00:46:22
    when I go to Suzy's work because I want
  • 00:46:23
    all the nurses that are after her know
  • 00:46:26
    that you know that she has a wife but
  • 00:46:30
    then of course it is possible for
  • 00:46:32
    intersex people to find love and
  • 00:46:33
    happiness no matter where they love I've
  • 00:46:36
    never been single for any appreciable
  • 00:46:38
    amount of time in my life I noticed that
  • 00:46:41
    there was a gay nudist group in
  • 00:46:43
    Rochester I want we have picked up you
  • 00:46:48
    see being different is not horrific it
  • 00:46:52
    does not make people run away with
  • 00:46:54
    revulsion they will ask you questions
  • 00:46:56
    and this is a bad thing you get the
  • 00:46:59
    spotlight you get a microphone you
  • 00:47:01
    kidding this is wonderful
  • 00:47:03
    I suppose what it's really about is
  • 00:47:06
    being comfortable in your own skin when
  • 00:47:08
    I was 44 years old I started to have
  • 00:47:11
    urinary problems and I didn't know what
  • 00:47:14
    on earth was going on all I knew was
  • 00:47:16
    that something was changing and I was
  • 00:47:21
    having a whole lot of pain every time I
  • 00:47:23
    sat down I felt like something was
  • 00:47:25
    tearing I went into my doctor and that's
  • 00:47:29
    when I learned that I was actually X X
  • 00:47:32
    not X Y but I wasn't a partially
  • 00:47:36
    developed male I was an overdeveloped
  • 00:47:38
    female age was separating a by fig
  • 00:47:43
    scrotums revealing that I actually had a
  • 00:47:46
    vagina that was totally closed over
  • 00:47:50
    Here I am 44 years old and I find out
  • 00:47:54
    I've got another piece of playground
  • 00:47:55
    equipment I didn't know I had I wasn't a
  • 00:47:58
    man missing testicles how does a man
  • 00:48:01
    little guy one of the other places that
  • 00:48:09
    intersex people can be out and open as
  • 00:48:12
    the Internet the anonymity of cyberspace
  • 00:48:14
    has led to an explosion of intersex
  • 00:48:17
    material type the word enter sex into
  • 00:48:20
    Google and you get hundreds of thousands
  • 00:48:22
    of results
  • 00:48:23
    many of these are support groups and
  • 00:48:25
    forums where intersex people can talk to
  • 00:48:27
    each other when I had my surgery they
  • 00:48:30
    told me I would never meet another woman
  • 00:48:31
    such as myself now I correspond with
  • 00:48:34
    hundreds of women every week the people
  • 00:48:36
    that have taught me the most are the
  • 00:48:38
    people that I've met from the support
  • 00:48:39
    groups they have not been the doctors
  • 00:48:40
    they have not been the experts but they
  • 00:48:43
    have been people who have lived through
  • 00:48:44
    the same thing that I have it's an
  • 00:48:46
    almost a universal experience of
  • 00:48:48
    intersex people that they think that
  • 00:48:50
    they are the only person with this thing
  • 00:48:51
    that ever existed what the Internet has
  • 00:48:53
    done is given us access to each other
  • 00:48:56
    YouTube started because I taught it this
  • 00:48:59
    is the perfect way for me to express
  • 00:49:01
    myself I've posted more than 1300 videos
  • 00:49:07
    in two and a half year period most are
  • 00:49:11
    to the absolute maximum mark that I can
  • 00:49:13
    go to which is 11 minutes even though
  • 00:49:15
    they state you can only have a 10 minute
  • 00:49:17
    video well actually you can have an 11
  • 00:49:18
    minute video YouTube is platform for me
  • 00:49:23
    to reach out to a possible entire world
  • 00:49:26
    it's a diary and it's a risky diary
  • 00:49:29
    because I have been very open on myself
  • 00:49:32
    telling people is important I'm using my
  • 00:49:41
    big mouth to essentially destroy my life
  • 00:49:44
    in ways but actually I'm okay in this
  • 00:49:46
    world ya know I have issues with my
  • 00:49:48
    gentle sighs what mom doesn't have this
  • 00:49:52
    situation going on in their head
  • 00:49:54
    the size of their members down below you
  • 00:49:58
    know every month doesn't matter what
  • 00:50:01
    size it is they're still gonna think
  • 00:50:03
    that's not big enough you know uh but
  • 00:50:07
    I'll actually I help people who think
  • 00:50:09
    they've got small penises I got that's a
  • 00:50:12
    small penis
  • 00:50:15
    there's more to being a man or a woman
  • 00:50:16
    than just a genital people have genitals
  • 00:50:19
    people are not genitals now I know
  • 00:50:21
    that's hard to believe because we've all
  • 00:50:23
    met a lot of pricks in our lives nature
  • 00:50:25
    loves variety we're all tall or short or
  • 00:50:28
    fat or skinnier why should you be
  • 00:50:30
    stigmatize because your clitoris or your
  • 00:50:33
    penis is small or larger than somebody
  • 00:50:36
    else's
  • 00:50:36
    I love being intersex I just wish they
  • 00:50:39
    didn't [ __ ] with my body sometimes we
  • 00:50:41
    have created the cycle of oh my god we
  • 00:50:43
    have to fix it
  • 00:50:44
    shame it hide it and then there's
  • 00:50:47
    another intersex birth you've never
  • 00:50:48
    talked about the one that might be your
  • 00:50:50
    neighbor I consider my sex to be
  • 00:50:52
    intersex I mean I do cross the female
  • 00:50:54
    box when I have to choose one but my
  • 00:50:56
    body isn't female it's not just male
  • 00:50:58
    it's not just female I'm intersex sorry
  • 00:51:01
    Society because it would have been so
  • 00:51:02
    simple if it was just male and female
  • 00:51:04
    but you're gonna have to change your
  • 00:51:06
    mind now your sexuality is the most
  • 00:51:09
    common congenital difference it's gonna
  • 00:51:11
    be here and we're gonna have to deal
  • 00:51:12
    with it it's about down there we're not
  • 00:51:15
    allowed to have anything different down
  • 00:51:17
    there being intersex has been honestly a
  • 00:51:20
    gift for me it doesn't suck to be
  • 00:51:23
    intersex it sucks to be persecuted we
  • 00:51:26
    share that with everybody I am different
  • 00:51:28
    because I was born different and you
  • 00:51:30
    were different cuz you was born
  • 00:51:31
    different your sex isn't uncommon it's
  • 00:51:34
    just unheard of
  • 00:51:37
    so now you've met some of my little
  • 00:51:40
    tribe well I say little but there's a
  • 00:51:43
    lot of us out there you just don't
  • 00:51:45
    normally get to see us for some reason
  • 00:51:48
    any blurring of the two genders is still
  • 00:51:50
    an uncomfortable concept for many people
  • 00:51:53
    but it doesn't have to be yes we've got
  • 00:51:56
    something different between our legs but
  • 00:51:58
    we're really just people we live in
  • 00:52:01
    houses go to work we're friends and
  • 00:52:04
    family hopes and dreams we are people
  • 00:52:09
    just like you
  • 00:52:11
    [Music]
  • 00:52:35
    [Applause]
  • 00:52:43
    you
Tags
  • intersex
  • gender identity
  • medical intervention
  • societal norms
  • personal stories
  • self-acceptance
  • advocacy
  • healthcare
  • gender diversity
  • stigma