Importance of Respecting Individual Differences in the Context of Relationships- Dr. Mona Delahooke

01:27:00
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iJvwk-jjCc

Ringkasan

TLDRDr. Mona Delahooke, a clinical child psychologist, shares insights on supporting children with autism by focusing on individual differences and behaviors as adaptive signals of sensory processing rather than issues to correct. Through her book "Beyond Behaviors," she emphasizes a compassionate, neuroscience-informed approach, contrasting with traditional compliance-based methods. Delahooke advocates understanding children's behaviors as crucial to their psychological state and stresses creating a safe environment to foster development. She critiques conventional behavior-focused treatments for autism, promoting the adoption of a developmental lens that honors each child's unique sensory needs and emotional regulation challenges. The discussion also highlights the importance of listening to autistic individuals and incorporating their experiences into educational practices to ensure compassionate and supportive interventions.

Takeaways

  • 📘 Understanding behaviors in autism requires a compassionate, non-compliance-focused approach.
  • 🌊 The 'Developmental Iceberg' metaphor shows behaviors as signals with hidden causes.
  • 🔍 Focus on understanding sensory processing needs rather than surface behaviors.
  • 💬 Engage autistic individuals' perspectives for insights into their experiences.
  • 🤝 Safe and supportive relationships are vital for child development.
  • 🔄 Misunderstandings can harm autistic individuals' emotional well-being.
  • 🧠 Neuroscience and the Polyvagal Theory inform compassionate autism support strategies.
  • 👂 Behavioral signals are adaptive, not just problems to fix.
  • 👐 Developmental approaches emphasize respecting each child's unique experiences.
  • 📚 Dr. Delahooke's book "Beyond Behaviors" is a resource for new perspectives in child psychology.

Garis waktu

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The video begins with music playing.

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    The music continues to play without interruption.

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    The music plays once more with a subtle change in tone.

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    Jenn Shonger introduces herself as a representative of the New Jersey Autism Center, highlighting the involvement of Dr. Mona Della Hook in today's discussion. Dr. Hook is a clinical child psychologist with extensive experience, and the discussion will focus on respectful behavior management in autism.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Discussion about how human behaviors are influenced by physiological states begins, emphasizing the connection between the brain and the body, especially concerning individuals on the autism spectrum. Dr. Della Hook discusses her professional background and approach to developmental differences.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    The video delves into understanding children's behaviors beyond surface-level observations, explaining the 'developmental iceberg' and emphasizing the importance of looking at underlying causes for behaviors.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Dr. Della Hook argues for shifting the focus from changing behaviors to understanding individual differences in sensory processing and emotional regulation, particularly for children with autism.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    The concept of stress responses is introduced, differentiating between top-down (intentional) and bottom-up (instinctual) behaviors. Strategies for understanding and addressing bottom-up behaviors are discussed, focusing on what they reveal about the child's internal state.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    A case study highlights the importance of recognizing when compliance demands escalate stress responses, illustrating through an example with Max. The importance of establishing a sense of safety in therapeutic settings is stressed.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:50:00

    Discussion on the outdated behavior-focus model by educators and healthcare providers, advocating for seeing behaviors as responses to sensory experiences rather than mere outcomes needing correction.

  • 00:50:00 - 00:55:00

    Further exploration of behaviors and their meanings, proposing questions to guide understanding like constitutional needs behind behaviors, shifting away from labeling behaviors as compliant/non-compliant.

  • 00:55:00 - 01:00:00

    The necessity for enhancing communication methods for non-verbal autistic children is emphasized. The importance of having a consistent support team that respects and understands the child's communication style is highlighted.

  • 01:00:00 - 01:05:00

    Different options for understanding autism are presented, focusing on resources that prioritize the whole child over behavior modification. Advocacy for systems and professionals to evolve their perception of autism is discussed.

  • 01:05:00 - 01:10:00

    Discussion on neurodiversity: Autism should be respected as part of human diversity. The emphasis is on altering educational and healthcare perceptions to reduce anxiety among autistic individuals.

  • 01:10:00 - 01:15:00

    Discussion around maintaining calm, consistent environments to support autistic children during distress. The importance of extending the window of tolerance through positive, supportive relationships is highlighted.

  • 01:15:00 - 01:20:00

    Parents and teachers are encouraged to embrace their roles as co-regulators for children, maintaining a supportive atmosphere and focusing on relationship building as a foundational approach to behavior.

  • 01:20:00 - 01:27:00

    The dialogue concludes with a Q&A session addressing barriers to adopting developmental approaches, the importance of autistic self-advocacy, and understanding and supporting children's natural behaviors. The session closes on a hopeful note about changing paradigms to support autistic children.

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Mind Map

Pertanyaan yang Sering Diajukan

  • Who is Dr. Mona Delahooke?

    Dr. Mona Delahooke is a clinical child psychologist focused on supporting families and children with developmental and emotional differences.

  • What is the main topic of Dr. Delahooke’s presentation?

    The presentation focuses on redefining support for children with autism by understanding behaviors through a compassionate lens, considering them as signals of sensory processing differences rather than issues to fix.

  • What is the book 'Beyond Behaviors' about?

    'Beyond Behaviors' explores using neuroscience and compassion to understand and address children's behavioral challenges, emphasizing a developmental approach.

  • What does Dr. Delahooke think about traditional behavioral approaches in autism?

    Dr. Delahooke critiques traditional behavioral methods such as compliance-based techniques, arguing for understanding behaviors as adaptive responses rather than problems to be fixed.

  • What is the 'Developmental Iceberg'?

    The 'Developmental Iceberg' is a metaphor used to describe visible behaviors as just the tip, with the underlying causes hidden beneath, requiring a deeper understanding of individual sensory and physiological differences.

  • How can misunderstandings affect autistic individuals?

    Misunderstandings and focusing solely on behaviors can harm emotional well-being, emphasizing the need for compassionate understanding of each individual’s internal sensory experiences.

  • Why is safety important in Dr. Delahooke's approach?

    Feeling safe is foundational for development and learning. The approach emphasizes creating a sense of safety in children through compassionate relationships rather than focusing on surface behaviors.

  • What are 'top-down' and 'bottom-up' behaviors?

    'Top-down' behaviors are planned and deliberate, while 'bottom-up' behaviors are instinctual reactions to sensory input, often misunderstood as 'misbehavior' in children with autism.

  • What should be the focus instead of behavior change?

    The focus should be on creating safe, supportive environments and relationships, understanding underlying sensory processing needs, and respecting natural behaviors rather than forcing compliance.

  • Is there ongoing research supporting Dr. Delahooke's views?

    Yes, there is ongoing research that supports developmental approaches over traditional behavioral methods, emphasizing understanding and accommodating individual sensory needs.

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    do
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    all right i think we are live um welcome
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    everyone
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    i'm so happy to be here today i'm jenn
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    shonger from the new jersey autism
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    center of excellence which is funded in
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    part by the new jersey governor's
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    council for the medical research and
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    treatments in autism
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    and the new jersey department of health
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    i am here today with one of my
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    favorite humans dr mona della hook who's
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    a clinical child psychologist with a
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    passion for supporting families and
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    children
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    she's worked widely with
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    multi-disciplinary teams in the area of
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    developmental and emotional differences
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    for over 30 years
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    she's a senior faculty member of the
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    perfectum foundation and is the trainer
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    and consultant to schools
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    public and private agencies and parents
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    her blog
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    and new book beyond behaviors which i
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    can't say enough good things about
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    uh explores how we can use neuroscience
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    and compassion to better understand and
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    solve
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    children's behavioral challenges um in
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    today's talk dr delahook will discuss
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    the differences we observe in autism
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    we'll introduce a paradigm that helps us
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    respect behaviors as signals coming from
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    sensory processing differences
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    and to respect behaviors for what they
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    tell us about each individual
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    and the supports they need this approach
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    to autism support stands in contrast to
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    approaches that involve cajoling
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    reinforcing
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    and non-reinforcing of surface behaviors
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    um
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    speaking of dr delahook's new book
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    beyond behaviors
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    which i have right here
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    um she was generous enough to donate
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    some books to us that we'll be able to
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    give away after the presentation airs
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    and we're so
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    thankful to you for that um
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    i just wanted to mention a few brief
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    housekeeping notes um
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    if anyone would like to ask a question
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    which we highly encourage we hope
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    uh you will um you just have to be
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    logged into
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    the your youtube account in order to
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    post in the chat
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    uh we'll monitor the chat throughout and
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    we'll have time
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    um at the end for q a um
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    and this session will be available to
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    watch at any time
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    you don't have to be logged in to watch
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    um it will
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    stay on our youtube page and um dr del
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    hook
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    will likely share it as well um
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    dr della hook thank you so much for
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    being here today
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    i'm so excited um so i'm gonna go
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    off camera now and um i'll be back on
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    for us to chat after right i will share
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    my screen thank you so much for such a
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    beautiful
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    welcome um jen i'm really happy to be
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    here
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    thank you so much to you talking to
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    everybody today
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    so here we go
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    um it's just a pleasure to be
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    here and to talk to you about one of my
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    favorite topics and that's supporting
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    children
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    um with neuro divergent
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    minds and brains and all of our children
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    who have challenges and particularly um
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    with behavioral challenges so it's
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    really a joy
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    to um to be here now i am just
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    two on my there we go
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    um what we are going to be talking about
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    is
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    how we can learn
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    to redefine our support for children
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    and particularly children who struggle
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    with behavioral challenges but also
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    developmental differences delays and
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    children who don't
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    fit into what we might typically think
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    of uh in terms of how we want them to
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    act and um how we
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    uh in our expectations in general
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    so one way to think about what we see
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    in children's behaviors is what i call
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    it a developmental iceberg
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    and in an iceberg as you know in an
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    iceberg
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    the tip of the iceberg is only about 10
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    of that big chunk of ice and it's those
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    behaviors that we
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    see so we will see
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    um a child doing something but
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    the triggers the causes the
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    reasons for those behaviors are really
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    invisible
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    and that would be that large piece under
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    the
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    surface of the water um that would
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    contain
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    the reasons and there are millions of
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    reasons that cause the behaviors that we
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    see
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    that cause the things children say that
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    things
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    they do the way they move their bodies
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    and one of the um main drivers
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    of human behaviors not just child
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    behaviors but of human behaviors
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    is our state our physiological state
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    um what is a physiological state that
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    basically
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    is um our brain body connection you know
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    we have a nervous system we have a
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    central nervous system
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    and an autonomic nervous system that
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    connects
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    our brain to our body and our body to
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    our brain so we're
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    constantly getting feedback from
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    our body that tells our brain what's
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    going on
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    and then our brain kind of integrates
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    all the information that's
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    constantly coming in and then produces
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    an action and that's what we see in our
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    children
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    so when we think about um
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    behaviors and how often behaviors
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    are the focus of our attention our
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    treatment
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    um our goals particularly for children
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    diagnosed on the autism
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    spectrum it brings up an interesting
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    question
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    and that is should we really be focusing
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    on the behaviors
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    or should we be focusing on something
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    else
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    so my work and um what what i have
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    been doing in the last several decades
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    since i was trained in a
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    um a larger mind-body paradigm i
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    actually was
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    very fortunate to work with
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    dr stanley greenspan and dr serena
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    weeder
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    many years ago when they were developing
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    a
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    developmental essentially what turns out
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    to be a neurodevelopmental approach to
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    helping children
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    um with developmental differences
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    including autism
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    and when we studied
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    when we learned from across disciplines
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    we learned from pediatricians
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    and occupational therapists physical
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    therapists
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    nurses educators
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    vision therapists mental health
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    professionals
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    psychiatrists in these really rich
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    cross-disciplinary teams it
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    forced essentially a lens shift a
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    paradigm shift
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    that for me and for many of my
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    colleagues
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    they just realized that it's important
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    to
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    not just focus on a child's behavior
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    because that's really only a signal
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    and so when we sit when we shift the
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    lens we can look
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    at um all these different things that
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    are what we call individual differences
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    and
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    individual differences in each of us and
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    every single human
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    is what um drives
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    our autonomic nervous system to
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    notice things in the environment and to
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    create
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    all of our behaviors but especially
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    those
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    behaviors that we might think about as
  • 00:23:05
    challenging
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    as non-preferred and those behaviors
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    that we want to
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    um oftentimes target
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    uh for children to change
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    so one concept i just wanted to bring up
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    is the concept that
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    vulnerability that is sensitivity
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    to threat in the nervous system
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    for children on the spectrum and for
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    many many children
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    is due to this sense of threat the sense
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    of not
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    feeling comfortable in my brain and body
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    and so
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    often times what we see therefore is a
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    behavioral challenge
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    now currently um oftentimes
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    like i said we classify behaviors as
  • 00:23:53
    compliant or non-compliant
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    as preferred or non-preferred and this
  • 00:23:59
    leads to
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    a a paradigm of
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    rewards and consequences uh taking an
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    action to teach a child about a behavior
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    and encouraging certain behaviors over
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    others
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    so it's kind of a bi bifurcated look at
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    behaviors as either good or bad
  • 00:24:17
    compliant or non-compliant
  • 00:24:20
    now this shift that i propose
  • 00:24:23
    in beyond behaviors is that we look at
  • 00:24:26
    behaviors
  • 00:24:27
    as an adaptation to a child's autonomic
  • 00:24:30
    nervous system
  • 00:24:32
    and basically what does that mean uh it
  • 00:24:34
    means that we can view behaviors
  • 00:24:37
    especially the ones that are persistent
  • 00:24:39
    the ones that are um useful for the
  • 00:24:42
    child and come up a lot
  • 00:24:44
    as cues as to their
  • 00:24:48
    internal world to their invisible needs
  • 00:24:51
    those invisible needs that could include
  • 00:24:54
    feeling uncomfortable or pain
  • 00:24:55
    uh inside the body which is known as the
  • 00:24:58
    interoception what we feel
  • 00:25:00
    inside of our bodies but sensations
  • 00:25:03
    thoughts emotions
  • 00:25:05
    and really moving away from compliant or
  • 00:25:08
    non-compliant classifications
  • 00:25:11
    and especially not to willful
  • 00:25:14
    misbehavior
  • 00:25:15
    or behaviors that are there to serve a
  • 00:25:17
    purpose
  • 00:25:18
    um that is considered negative
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    so in my opinion that's why our current
  • 00:25:25
    go-to's are often wrong
  • 00:25:27
    sometimes we blame the child we can
  • 00:25:30
    blame a diagnosis we can say oh
  • 00:25:33
    this behavior is part of the autism
  • 00:25:35
    diagnosis but
  • 00:25:37
    oftentimes in the school systems where i
  • 00:25:40
    where i am observing and working with
  • 00:25:43
    with children it's not looked at
  • 00:25:46
    as something positive so an autistic
  • 00:25:49
    behavior
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    may be targeted for change um
  • 00:25:54
    if it's not if it's considered um
  • 00:25:57
    something that is in the category of
  • 00:26:00
    being
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    uh changed graphed out for um
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    uh the volume the number the frequency
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    of
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    of these behaviors sometimes uh
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    for other reasons children's parents are
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    accused of not being consistent enough
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    or having so not doing something enough
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    in the home
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    and i feel like there's a um a lot of
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    blame that goes on
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    that's inaccurate uh because
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    we don't value behaviors for what they
  • 00:26:32
    tell us
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    so what happens then we often go to time
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    outs positive and negative reinforcement
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    schedules
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    or we blame a child's will and
  • 00:26:44
    we say things like the child is doing
  • 00:26:47
    this behavior because they're trying to
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    get negative attention
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    and these are the um
  • 00:26:55
    these are the concepts that i think are
  • 00:26:58
    being replaced
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    with another understanding and that is
  • 00:27:04
    that individuals with differences
  • 00:27:07
    and particularly children on the
  • 00:27:09
    spectrum with brain wiring differences
  • 00:27:11
    can have emotional regulation challenges
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    meaning
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    that ability to stay calm in your body
  • 00:27:20
    is impacted by
  • 00:27:23
    reasons underneath the tip of the
  • 00:27:25
    iceberg every single child every single
  • 00:27:28
    teenager adult is different in terms of
  • 00:27:30
    their
  • 00:27:31
    wiring differences but we do know
  • 00:27:35
    that there are um there is a tendency
  • 00:27:38
    to have over reactivity in some of the
  • 00:27:41
    sensory systems
  • 00:27:42
    so there are differences in some of the
  • 00:27:45
    sensory systems
  • 00:27:46
    that create the need for these adaptive
  • 00:27:50
    behaviors
  • 00:27:51
    and which means that many behaviors and
  • 00:27:54
    particularly repetitive behaviors can
  • 00:27:56
    serve an important purpose
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    they are protective they are adaptive
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    and
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    if they involve movement we know that
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    moving whether that's saying something
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    by moving your mouth
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    or moving your general body and doing
  • 00:28:10
    things
  • 00:28:11
    can help humans feel better
  • 00:28:14
    so when we are struggling when we're
  • 00:28:16
    feeling uncomfortable movement can help
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    but what happens often time in our
  • 00:28:22
    educational settings
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    is that these various forms of movement
  • 00:28:27
    are
  • 00:28:28
    judged or viewed negatively or targeted
  • 00:28:31
    for
  • 00:28:32
    change and so
  • 00:28:35
    i would like to offer um a
  • 00:28:38
    an idea and that is
  • 00:28:42
    one question that we can ask that's
  • 00:28:44
    really important
  • 00:28:46
    is is this a behavior that is
  • 00:28:50
    purposeful that is willful that is
  • 00:28:52
    malicious that is
  • 00:28:53
    uh done with the child's intent
  • 00:28:56
    which would be what we would consider a
  • 00:28:58
    top-down behavior
  • 00:29:00
    top-down behaviors are planned um they
  • 00:29:03
    serve a purpose
  • 00:29:05
    and they are um that you have to have a
  • 00:29:08
    certain
  • 00:29:08
    level of executive function
  • 00:29:11
    essentially this ability to plan and to
  • 00:29:15
    consider consequences when you have
  • 00:29:17
    these top-down behaviors
  • 00:29:20
    the second category behaviors that are
  • 00:29:24
    not differentiated from top-down
  • 00:29:26
    behaviors would be considered
  • 00:29:27
    bottom-up or body-up behaviors these
  • 00:29:30
    behaviors
  • 00:29:31
    are ones we would consider stress
  • 00:29:33
    responses or stress reactions
  • 00:29:36
    or even stress behaviors as stuart
  • 00:29:39
    chanker calls them
  • 00:29:40
    and what we want to ask is is this child
  • 00:29:43
    experiencing a stress
  • 00:29:45
    response is this a type of behavior that
  • 00:29:48
    we should be focusing on at all
  • 00:29:50
    or is it something that we should be
  • 00:29:52
    looking at
  • 00:29:53
    in terms of immediately going to help
  • 00:29:55
    the child feel
  • 00:29:57
    safer and feel emotionally co-regulated
  • 00:30:01
    through our interactions so
  • 00:30:04
    let me read you just a little story
  • 00:30:06
    about max this was
  • 00:30:08
    a not his real name of course and the
  • 00:30:11
    um the details are shifted to predict
  • 00:30:14
    identity but this is um
  • 00:30:18
    a story that i see often um
  • 00:30:22
    in the work i do when compliance is
  • 00:30:25
    pushed
  • 00:30:26
    over emotional regulation so i'll just
  • 00:30:28
    read it really quick
  • 00:30:29
    it was almost dinner time and little max
  • 00:30:32
    h5
  • 00:30:33
    who was diagnosed with autism spectrum
  • 00:30:35
    was
  • 00:30:49
    a available only to have the behavior
  • 00:30:51
    specialist
  • 00:30:52
    instruct him to sit down and finish his
  • 00:30:54
    task
  • 00:30:55
    the therapist stood in the way blocking
  • 00:30:57
    him and encouraging him to return to the
  • 00:30:59
    table
  • 00:31:00
    frustrated max burst into tears
  • 00:31:04
    screaming and striking the behavior
  • 00:31:06
    therapist in protest
  • 00:31:08
    it took him several hours to calm down
  • 00:31:12
    again
  • 00:31:14
    so what was happening the therapist who
  • 00:31:18
    was
  • 00:31:18
    undoubtedly uh well-intentioned
  • 00:31:23
    was focusing on behavioral goals without
  • 00:31:27
    regard for the child's
  • 00:31:28
    what we call social and emotional
  • 00:31:30
    functioning
  • 00:31:32
    their sense of safety in their body
  • 00:31:35
    which determines our physiological state
  • 00:31:39
    remember
  • 00:31:40
    that state of our body that is either
  • 00:31:42
    calm
  • 00:31:43
    or amped up and ready to run
  • 00:31:46
    also known as the fight or flight
  • 00:31:48
    response
  • 00:31:51
    and in the behavioral paradigm
  • 00:31:55
    the intention was for the child to learn
  • 00:31:58
    that it's important to finish a task
  • 00:32:00
    before you go on to something else and
  • 00:32:02
    it was important to learn for the child
  • 00:32:04
    to learn at this point that there were
  • 00:32:06
    rules
  • 00:32:07
    and that they were they would um be able
  • 00:32:11
    to do what they wanted once they
  • 00:32:12
    finished the task
  • 00:32:15
    what what they were focusing on was
  • 00:32:18
    compliance essentially
  • 00:32:19
    for what we would consider a
  • 00:32:21
    non-preferred task
  • 00:32:23
    and a focus on the behavior rather than
  • 00:32:26
    an inherent focus on relationships and
  • 00:32:29
    especially
  • 00:32:30
    safety in relationships
  • 00:32:33
    one of the things that i've learned
  • 00:32:36
    through my studies and particularly
  • 00:32:38
    from studying the polyvagal theory of dr
  • 00:32:41
    stephen porges
  • 00:32:43
    is that safety in treatment
  • 00:32:46
    sets a neurodevelopmental foundation
  • 00:32:50
    essentially feeling safe in your in your
  • 00:32:52
    brain in your body
  • 00:32:54
    is that really solid foundation that
  • 00:32:57
    children need
  • 00:32:58
    in order to be able to take uh new
  • 00:33:01
    things in
  • 00:33:02
    and stretch and learn new things
  • 00:33:05
    and take risks uh essentially
  • 00:33:08
    this builds resilience in all children
  • 00:33:11
    and humans
  • 00:33:12
    when you feel safe you can take more
  • 00:33:15
    risks
  • 00:33:16
    so what that what that point was kind of
  • 00:33:20
    um that point sometimes gets lost and i
  • 00:33:24
    believe that is because our education
  • 00:33:26
    system
  • 00:33:26
    is working from an outdated model
  • 00:33:30
    essentially that views behaviors in
  • 00:33:32
    isolation
  • 00:33:33
    of the child's body mind and their
  • 00:33:36
    relationships
  • 00:33:39
    and yeah that's
  • 00:33:43
    what's going to change because we know
  • 00:33:45
    that a child is more than
  • 00:33:47
    their behaviors a and b when the
  • 00:33:50
    behavior is serving a purpose
  • 00:33:53
    we want to hear that purpose
  • 00:33:56
    see that purpose have compassion
  • 00:33:59
    for that which the child cannot say in
  • 00:34:02
    words
  • 00:34:03
    the body is saying it and the child
  • 00:34:06
    can't say it in words
  • 00:34:07
    when the child is suffering when the
  • 00:34:09
    child has a stress response
  • 00:34:10
    when the child needs to move like little
  • 00:34:13
    max did
  • 00:34:14
    and his he was compelled out of joy
  • 00:34:17
    and out of the lack of self-control
  • 00:34:20
    which is still developing
  • 00:34:22
    to hug his mama and to run into her arms
  • 00:34:25
    that was way more important that safety
  • 00:34:28
    than having him learn the rule of
  • 00:34:31
    sitting
  • 00:34:31
    and finishing a task first in my opinion
  • 00:34:35
    so it's kind of like uh the old saying
  • 00:34:38
    when all you have is a hammer
  • 00:34:39
    everything looks like a nail
  • 00:34:42
    everything isn't compliance or
  • 00:34:44
    non-compliance
  • 00:34:46
    and this is the point that we need to
  • 00:34:49
    understand in my opinion
  • 00:34:51
    that we can use the information about a
  • 00:34:54
    child sensory system
  • 00:34:56
    about a child's sensory preferences
  • 00:34:59
    um and about especially their
  • 00:35:01
    sensitivities
  • 00:35:03
    because again uh in autism
  • 00:35:07
    so much is being learned but there is
  • 00:35:11
    dif there are differences in reactivity
  • 00:35:13
    to the world
  • 00:35:15
    and i believe even though i'm not
  • 00:35:17
    autistic
  • 00:35:18
    my my teachers my main teachers
  • 00:35:21
    are my autistic clients um
  • 00:35:25
    many of whom now are young adults and
  • 00:35:27
    teenagers
  • 00:35:28
    who can tell me and who guide me as to
  • 00:35:31
    what
  • 00:35:32
    life is like in their own body
  • 00:35:35
    and again there's no stereotyping
  • 00:35:38
    because
  • 00:35:39
    everybody has their own triggers their
  • 00:35:42
    own
  • 00:35:42
    sensory processing profile
  • 00:35:45
    which i think is one of the
  • 00:35:48
    was one of the gifts one of the
  • 00:35:51
    the main benefits
  • 00:35:55
    of learning this dir floor time approach
  • 00:35:58
    that i did so long ago um that helped us
  • 00:36:02
    really uh track these individual
  • 00:36:05
    differences
  • 00:36:06
    and really and treasure them and respect
  • 00:36:09
    them
  • 00:36:10
    uh as those drivers that
  • 00:36:13
    we know contribute to what we see our
  • 00:36:16
    child doing
  • 00:36:17
    so i'm i'm also a big fan uh in addition
  • 00:36:21
    to
  • 00:36:21
    to the people i've mentioned before of
  • 00:36:23
    elizabeth torres
  • 00:36:25
    who is a researcher and a brilliant
  • 00:36:28
    neuroscience researcher and the work is
  • 00:36:30
    um as a clinician i i i understand some
  • 00:36:34
    of the work but i can translate
  • 00:36:36
    uh from from what i learned from her
  • 00:36:39
    from talking to her
  • 00:36:40
    is that these automatic behaviors
  • 00:36:43
    in autism that she has studied can al
  • 00:36:46
    alway can be state regulators that means
  • 00:36:50
    that these automatic behaviors which
  • 00:36:52
    sometimes can look disruptive
  • 00:36:55
    are helping the child regulate their
  • 00:36:59
    physiological state their autonomic
  • 00:37:01
    nervous system and essentially feel
  • 00:37:03
    better
  • 00:37:04
    so she says automatic behaviors are
  • 00:37:07
    subconscious
  • 00:37:08
    survival based and not designed by the
  • 00:37:12
    child to be
  • 00:37:12
    oppositional test limits or make
  • 00:37:14
    teachers or other adults
  • 00:37:16
    uncomfortable or upset and then
  • 00:37:20
    when we target these behaviors when we
  • 00:37:22
    target
  • 00:37:23
    behaviors that are adaptive for
  • 00:37:25
    elimination
  • 00:37:26
    for example a child's um
  • 00:37:30
    need to move their body in a certain way
  • 00:37:32
    or
  • 00:37:33
    a child who has to prove
  • 00:37:36
    that they need to use their noise
  • 00:37:38
    canceling headphones
  • 00:37:41
    and that their their
  • 00:37:46
    vocalizations when they're overwhelmed
  • 00:37:49
    by background noises
  • 00:37:50
    bouncing off the walls are something
  • 00:37:53
    that
  • 00:37:53
    they can't control the child
  • 00:37:56
    shouldn't the student shouldn't have to
  • 00:37:58
    prove to us that they're not volitional
  • 00:38:01
    this is where we're getting into the
  • 00:38:04
    need
  • 00:38:05
    to respect neurodivergent brains
  • 00:38:08
    neurodivergent development and help
  • 00:38:12
    children understand that they can trust
  • 00:38:14
    their body's reactions
  • 00:38:15
    and we will help them there are so many
  • 00:38:18
    different
  • 00:38:19
    um occupations that can help children
  • 00:38:22
    trust their body's reactions better
  • 00:38:24
    such as occupational therapists and
  • 00:38:28
    physical therapists and vision
  • 00:38:30
    therapists
  • 00:38:32
    so what we really want to look at is how
  • 00:38:35
    we can
  • 00:38:36
    uh help with attunement
  • 00:38:39
    attunement is the ability to
  • 00:38:42
    help a child feel seen and heard and
  • 00:38:45
    safe
  • 00:38:46
    and before anything else the groundwork
  • 00:38:49
    across uh the
  • 00:38:52
    neuroscience on resilience across the
  • 00:38:55
    neuroscience
  • 00:38:56
    on attention focus uh what
  • 00:38:59
    um dr dan siegel calls the window of
  • 00:39:02
    tolerance how we help children grow but
  • 00:39:06
    but don't overwhelm them is
  • 00:39:09
    making sure the child feels physically
  • 00:39:12
    and emotionally safe
  • 00:39:13
    through relationships the science of
  • 00:39:16
    relationships is so solid
  • 00:39:19
    and a website that i would recommend
  • 00:39:22
    that it was just so excellent is the
  • 00:39:24
    center on the developing child at
  • 00:39:26
    harvard university
  • 00:39:27
    and dr jack shankoff has is a
  • 00:39:30
    pediatrician
  • 00:39:31
    he's written so much about this
  • 00:39:33
    translational knowledge
  • 00:39:35
    what what parents and pediatricians
  • 00:39:38
    and teachers and therapists need to know
  • 00:39:42
    about helping children feel safe
  • 00:39:45
    through relationships i have seen and
  • 00:39:49
    been in so many classrooms where
  • 00:39:51
    again well-meaning aids behavior
  • 00:39:54
    specialists
  • 00:39:55
    and those individuals who are there
  • 00:39:58
    to support students
  • 00:40:01
    have been instructed through their ieps
  • 00:40:04
    to
  • 00:40:04
    not reinforce behaviors for children and
  • 00:40:07
    so oftentimes they're ignoring
  • 00:40:10
    of the child and only waiting until the
  • 00:40:13
    child does a certain type of behavior
  • 00:40:15
    before they reward them with a kind look
  • 00:40:18
    or a pat on the back and this is what we
  • 00:40:22
    need to change because it's conditional
  • 00:40:24
    it's and it's based again think about
  • 00:40:26
    that tip of the iceberg we're
  • 00:40:28
    following the wrong lead we need to be
  • 00:40:31
    following a deeper lead a more
  • 00:40:33
    a more holistic brain body perspective
  • 00:40:37
    and when we do we can understand is
  • 00:40:41
    there stress response going on
  • 00:40:42
    is what we're asking of the student or
  • 00:40:44
    of the child exceeding
  • 00:40:46
    their ability to carry out the task in
  • 00:40:48
    the moment
  • 00:40:49
    and maybe in the next moment or in the
  • 00:40:51
    next hour or next day
  • 00:40:53
    they will have the proper support in
  • 00:40:55
    their body and from their relationships
  • 00:40:57
    to carry out that task
  • 00:41:00
    so in in doing so i i would recommend
  • 00:41:03
    that we're flexible about
  • 00:41:04
    changing plans and treatment goals and
  • 00:41:06
    that we prioritize things like warmth
  • 00:41:09
    engagement and understanding first
  • 00:41:12
    especially when we see children
  • 00:41:15
    exhibiting
  • 00:41:15
    these stress responses these stress
  • 00:41:18
    behaviors
  • 00:41:21
    so i have a worksheet in the book that
  • 00:41:24
    is entitled behaviors have meaning and
  • 00:41:27
    here um if you if you have the book you
  • 00:41:30
    can
  • 00:41:31
    see fill out these worksheets and you
  • 00:41:33
    can a teacher can fill it out
  • 00:41:35
    and this is um the first question is is
  • 00:41:38
    it possible that the child's behavior
  • 00:41:40
    is meeting a constitutional need that is
  • 00:41:43
    a need in their body
  • 00:41:45
    um does the child need to engage in the
  • 00:41:47
    movement or in the behavior
  • 00:41:49
    in order to communicate something or to
  • 00:41:52
    stay calm
  • 00:41:54
    so these are the types of questions that
  • 00:41:56
    we want to understand
  • 00:41:57
    um the second question there is it
  • 00:42:00
    possible
  • 00:42:01
    that the child's behavior is signifying
  • 00:42:04
    an underlying condition
  • 00:42:05
    such as physical pain or
  • 00:42:09
    emotional pain emotional distress
  • 00:42:12
    so again going deeper where that's why i
  • 00:42:15
    talk about going beyond behaviors
  • 00:42:17
    because we are fixated on behaviors and
  • 00:42:19
    we need to go deeper in my opinion
  • 00:42:22
    to help children feel safer a couple of
  • 00:42:25
    things that you can do
  • 00:42:27
    um as a parent if you are concerned
  • 00:42:30
    about your child's
  • 00:42:32
    uh ability to communicate with others
  • 00:42:35
    it's so important to try to support
  • 00:42:37
    communication
  • 00:42:38
    at it as soon as possible so that the
  • 00:42:41
    child can be our guide this the the
  • 00:42:44
    teenager can be our guide
  • 00:42:46
    and it's critical for for children and
  • 00:42:50
    super important for non our non-speakers
  • 00:42:53
    those who cannot communicate through
  • 00:42:56
    speaking
  • 00:42:57
    or even through um writing but
  • 00:43:00
    to get um professionals on board
  • 00:43:04
    who can help with alternative and
  • 00:43:06
    augmented communication
  • 00:43:08
    and with facilitated communication those
  • 00:43:11
    can those
  • 00:43:12
    those technologies that help children
  • 00:43:15
    and teenagers communicate their needs
  • 00:43:18
    and um many speech and language
  • 00:43:21
    therapists have specialized training
  • 00:43:23
    uh in order to do this and we we
  • 00:43:26
    really want to get that going
  • 00:43:30
    as soon as possible the other thing that
  • 00:43:33
    i recommend
  • 00:43:34
    is that there is
  • 00:43:37
    a common reassuring adult presence with
  • 00:43:40
    consistency
  • 00:43:41
    consistency across the teams
  • 00:43:44
    so if you have a team that
  • 00:43:47
    is has decided for whatever reason
  • 00:43:51
    that they are going to use a
  • 00:43:53
    reinforcement schedule and ignore
  • 00:43:54
    certain behavior i really want parents
  • 00:43:56
    to know
  • 00:43:57
    um find out what
  • 00:44:01
    the techniques are and find out
  • 00:44:05
    think about reflect on if you feel
  • 00:44:08
    comfortable
  • 00:44:09
    with what is being asked of your child
  • 00:44:13
    there are many roads to autism support
  • 00:44:18
    and while i'm talking about that i will
  • 00:44:21
    say that the two websites
  • 00:44:24
    the profectum website and
  • 00:44:27
    maybe we'll put that in the notes on the
  • 00:44:29
    youtube channel
  • 00:44:31
    as well as the icdl website both have
  • 00:44:34
    free resources for parents and
  • 00:44:38
    professionals
  • 00:44:39
    to understand better this approach
  • 00:44:42
    that is not focusing on behavior
  • 00:44:45
    management but is focusing on the whole
  • 00:44:47
    child
  • 00:44:49
    so perhaps it's the systems and
  • 00:44:52
    professionals
  • 00:44:53
    who need to change their perceptions of
  • 00:44:54
    autistic people's behaviors
  • 00:44:56
    and not autistic children who need to be
  • 00:44:59
    changed
  • 00:44:59
    so they appear more neurotypical
  • 00:45:03
    and again i say that with respect
  • 00:45:07
    but i really believe that our culture
  • 00:45:09
    our systems
  • 00:45:11
    those things are the are
  • 00:45:14
    are the structures that we need to
  • 00:45:18
    think about changing before we go in and
  • 00:45:21
    tinker around
  • 00:45:22
    with the child's behaviors without
  • 00:45:26
    knowing what we are doing to the child's
  • 00:45:29
    sense of themselves
  • 00:45:30
    and their sense of safety and their
  • 00:45:33
    sense of belonging
  • 00:45:35
    and acceptance and perhaps
  • 00:45:38
    this will help reduce the very high
  • 00:45:41
    rates
  • 00:45:42
    of anxiety that we see in autistic
  • 00:45:45
    children
  • 00:45:46
    my belief and through my practice
  • 00:45:49
    i have seen that
  • 00:45:56
    once children have less pressure on
  • 00:46:00
    being having their behaviors changed and
  • 00:46:04
    being having joy and
  • 00:46:08
    relational safety as the goal
  • 00:46:11
    rather than behavior change that their
  • 00:46:14
    anxiety
  • 00:46:15
    rates go down the anxiety gets better
  • 00:46:19
    so that's just something again something
  • 00:46:21
    something to think about
  • 00:46:24
    uh as i as i finish a couple of things
  • 00:46:27
    that that children need that all of us
  • 00:46:29
    need but um
  • 00:46:30
    predictability routines attuned
  • 00:46:33
    interactions
  • 00:46:35
    and staying calm um through
  • 00:46:38
    the storms that our children will go
  • 00:46:40
    through
  • 00:46:41
    when they are in that state of distress
  • 00:46:44
    we all go through states of distress
  • 00:46:47
    none of us
  • 00:46:48
    can stay calm permanently we have a
  • 00:46:51
    nervous system we are alive
  • 00:46:53
    life is hard and we are created we're
  • 00:46:56
    adapt we we adapt
  • 00:46:58
    humans adapt by being able to
  • 00:47:02
    do a fight or flight if we're in trouble
  • 00:47:04
    or if our body senses we're in trouble
  • 00:47:06
    and that is i think one of my main
  • 00:47:10
    goals for parents and teachers to
  • 00:47:12
    understand
  • 00:47:13
    is that when we ensure the child
  • 00:47:17
    feels safe in their own way through
  • 00:47:20
    their own individual differences
  • 00:47:22
    behavioral challenges fall away
  • 00:47:25
    naturally
  • 00:47:26
    because the social engagement system
  • 00:47:29
    this
  • 00:47:29
    uh this this ventral vagal system
  • 00:47:34
    uh as it's known in the polyvagal theory
  • 00:47:36
    is called the social
  • 00:47:37
    engagement system and when human beings
  • 00:47:40
    feel safe through social engagement
  • 00:47:42
    they no longer require the behaviors
  • 00:47:45
    that we consider maladaptive
  • 00:47:48
    and those those stormy behaviors that we
  • 00:47:51
    often
  • 00:47:52
    um that are very difficult to witness in
  • 00:47:54
    our children
  • 00:47:56
    so um in order to do that i will
  • 00:48:00
    i'll just put a plug in for self-care uh
  • 00:48:03
    if you're a provider
  • 00:48:04
    if you're a parent if your teacher
  • 00:48:08
    we are the raw material our own nervous
  • 00:48:11
    systems
  • 00:48:12
    really need to be gently taken care of
  • 00:48:15
    so that we can provide
  • 00:48:17
    that calm presence for our children for
  • 00:48:19
    our students so
  • 00:48:21
    i really believe that self-care isn't an
  • 00:48:23
    option
  • 00:48:24
    it's really essential for us because
  • 00:48:27
    then
  • 00:48:27
    we are going to be able to be that tool
  • 00:48:29
    to be that co-regulator to be
  • 00:48:31
    that presence that our children need
  • 00:48:36
    and the the bottom line is that healthy
  • 00:48:39
    relationships
  • 00:48:40
    are not optional they are the vehicle
  • 00:48:43
    that drives development forward
  • 00:48:46
    relationships joy love
  • 00:48:49
    hope feeds the autonomic nervous system
  • 00:48:54
    and it allows children to engage in
  • 00:48:57
    this larger and larger windows of
  • 00:49:00
    tolerance
  • 00:49:01
    because i know we want our children to
  • 00:49:03
    grow i know we want our students to try
  • 00:49:06
    new things
  • 00:49:06
    and to grow their strengths the best way
  • 00:49:10
    to grow strengths
  • 00:49:12
    is through having the foundation of
  • 00:49:14
    healthy relationships
  • 00:49:16
    and um if you're interested in
  • 00:49:20
    in learning more i'll be sending some
  • 00:49:22
    books over um
  • 00:49:23
    to jen but if you're interested in
  • 00:49:25
    learning more i describe
  • 00:49:27
    in detail how we do this for each child
  • 00:49:29
    in my book
  • 00:49:30
    beyond behaviors it's available
  • 00:49:33
    on amazon at reduced rates and
  • 00:49:37
    other places as well so if you if you
  • 00:49:40
    read it have any questions let me know
  • 00:49:44
    i am trying to shift the paradigm to
  • 00:49:47
    a new way of looking at things and um in
  • 00:49:50
    that regard stay in touch
  • 00:49:51
    i'm at um monadella hook phd on facebook
  • 00:49:55
    and at monadella hook on twitter and
  • 00:49:57
    instagram
  • 00:49:58
    and i post um try to post things that
  • 00:50:00
    are helpful for the community for
  • 00:50:02
    parents for teachers
  • 00:50:03
    uh to help us help our these children
  • 00:50:06
    that means so very much to us so
  • 00:50:10
    thank you for listening and i think i
  • 00:50:13
    will stop my
  • 00:50:14
    sharing right now and
  • 00:50:17
    bring jen back on hi thank you so much
  • 00:50:22
    um i definitely have questions
  • 00:50:25
    um we did get a few community questions
  • 00:50:28
    as well so
  • 00:50:29
    i'll start with those and if anyone else
  • 00:50:32
    would like to ask questions now please
  • 00:50:33
    do
  • 00:50:34
    um okay so the first question is what
  • 00:50:38
    are the main barriers for your approach
  • 00:50:40
    to become a mainstream
  • 00:50:41
    acceptable approach
  • 00:50:47
    well wow that's a really good that's
  • 00:50:49
    that's the that's a big question
  • 00:50:53
    um that is a very big question and
  • 00:50:56
    uh this is what i have to say about that
  • 00:51:00
    the the developmental approaches
  • 00:51:03
    and the neurodev it's now known as
  • 00:51:06
    neurodevelopmental but
  • 00:51:07
    you know 25 years ago when we were all
  • 00:51:09
    learning this it was
  • 00:51:10
    a more of a developmental approach
  • 00:51:13
    developmental
  • 00:51:14
    approaches were started by
  • 00:51:17
    clinicians who who studied infant mental
  • 00:51:20
    health
  • 00:51:21
    and clinicians who studied infant mental
  • 00:51:23
    health way back when
  • 00:51:25
    were not particularly
  • 00:51:29
    uh eager or able for whatever reason
  • 00:51:33
    i don't know to do research so
  • 00:51:36
    the the real answer to your question is
  • 00:51:39
    that the money is going to go
  • 00:51:40
    where the research is so
  • 00:51:44
    hope on the horizon there's a lot of
  • 00:51:46
    research going on right now that
  • 00:51:48
    supports
  • 00:51:49
    uh this approach one example is the work
  • 00:51:52
    of
  • 00:51:52
    jonathan green in the uk so they have
  • 00:51:56
    um they have an approach that it has
  • 00:51:59
    uh um study you know
  • 00:52:03
    randomized control studies and they're
  • 00:52:04
    going on with with these
  • 00:52:06
    uh different forms of research that is
  • 00:52:09
    going to
  • 00:52:10
    um eventually uh take over
  • 00:52:14
    or or at least match um what's there
  • 00:52:17
    right now
  • 00:52:18
    i'm not a researcher myself but um
  • 00:52:21
    they you can find uh the the
  • 00:52:24
    critiques of the original research uh
  • 00:52:27
    done by
  • 00:52:28
    um done at ucla on behavior therapy
  • 00:52:31
    and there are quite a few critiques
  • 00:52:33
    about that research now
  • 00:52:35
    but it is used as a um
  • 00:52:38
    as evidence so long answer to
  • 00:52:41
    your question is a few things
  • 00:52:45
    um clinicians who who
  • 00:52:48
    know it works but autistic advocates
  • 00:52:51
    themselves
  • 00:52:53
    are speaking up against behavioral
  • 00:52:55
    techniques
  • 00:52:56
    that harmed them yeah this is the main
  • 00:53:00
    push so we need to get away from
  • 00:53:03
    oh the research says this is it and so
  • 00:53:06
    we're going to fund this and i
  • 00:53:07
    call on i call on tricare
  • 00:53:11
    for our u.s military families
  • 00:53:14
    no please give families the choice
  • 00:53:17
    a lot of insurance companies are not
  • 00:53:19
    giving families the choice so
  • 00:53:20
    the the push is coming from autistic
  • 00:53:24
    advocates themselves telling us
  • 00:53:27
    telling researchers telling insurance
  • 00:53:29
    companies
  • 00:53:30
    i didn't appreciate the way i was
  • 00:53:33
    treated
  • 00:53:35
    would you like to add to that jen um
  • 00:53:38
    yeah i would say uh one of the other big
  • 00:53:42
    things
  • 00:53:42
    i mean of utmost importance to me is to
  • 00:53:45
    listen to the
  • 00:53:46
    autistic adults because they're the very
  • 00:53:49
    people who
  • 00:53:50
    have experienced this and you know
  • 00:53:53
    there's no other field i can think of
  • 00:53:54
    who doesn't take into account
  • 00:53:56
    the feedback from their patients right
  • 00:53:58
    so you know that's number one
  • 00:54:00
    um i think that a lot of schools need to
  • 00:54:04
    perhaps make it more of a practice to
  • 00:54:07
    uh take perspectives from
  • 00:54:10
    from you know the people who have been
  • 00:54:13
    through these systems
  • 00:54:14
    um the other thing is you know kind of
  • 00:54:18
    really taking a hard look at the
  • 00:54:21
    so-called evidence that does exist now
  • 00:54:25
    that you know is used as a as a
  • 00:54:28
    reason to fund certain things but it it
  • 00:54:31
    doesn't necessarily hold up to
  • 00:54:34
    the scientific rigor that we expect in
  • 00:54:36
    most
  • 00:54:37
    areas so um you know
  • 00:54:41
    i think that there needs to be a coming
  • 00:54:43
    together of
  • 00:54:44
    the autistic community who is you know
  • 00:54:47
    they're
  • 00:54:48
    like basically begging for all of us to
  • 00:54:51
    listen
  • 00:54:52
    um as well as professionals to kind of
  • 00:54:56
    you know it's like we kind of have to
  • 00:55:00
    almost be
  • 00:55:01
    forced to make ourselves a little
  • 00:55:04
    uncomfortable
  • 00:55:06
    so that we can speak up for what we know
  • 00:55:09
    because
  • 00:55:10
    all of the information that we have
  • 00:55:12
    available tells us that
  • 00:55:14
    you know we know that compliance
  • 00:55:18
    isn't helpful we know that autistic
  • 00:55:21
    people have
  • 00:55:22
    sensory differences including
  • 00:55:25
    sensory gifts um and
  • 00:55:29
    you know that it's a different way of of
  • 00:55:31
    experiencing the world and so like
  • 00:55:34
    uh we had dr dora make dora raymaker on
  • 00:55:37
    recently and i thought she made such a
  • 00:55:38
    great point because she
  • 00:55:40
    she mentioned that there's research
  • 00:55:42
    about how doctors
  • 00:55:43
    tend to have higher rates of depression
  • 00:55:45
    and suicide because they're constantly
  • 00:55:48
    having to mask their feelings with
  • 00:55:50
    families
  • 00:55:51
    they go through very tough situations
  • 00:55:53
    and have to hide
  • 00:55:54
    their emotions because they're trying to
  • 00:55:57
    have
  • 00:55:57
    you know this this professionalism and
  • 00:56:00
    so
  • 00:56:01
    like we know that when people have to
  • 00:56:03
    hide who they are
  • 00:56:05
    that it hurts them you know and so
  • 00:56:09
    autistic people would obviously
  • 00:56:12
    experience the the same feelings and one
  • 00:56:15
    of my questions
  • 00:56:16
    actually to you mona was you know as
  • 00:56:18
    someone with your
  • 00:56:19
    background um what
  • 00:56:23
    does it do to a person to be
  • 00:56:25
    misunderstood
  • 00:56:27
    for their childhood and their and their
  • 00:56:30
    you know teen years like what from a
  • 00:56:33
    psychologist's perspective like what
  • 00:56:35
    does that do to a person's
  • 00:56:37
    emotional well-being
  • 00:56:41
    well first off first i will
  • 00:56:44
    um give a uh an
  • 00:56:47
    answer that will calm parents and soothe
  • 00:56:50
    parents to know
  • 00:56:51
    that i really believe that children
  • 00:56:54
    um that the love from from their an
  • 00:56:57
    acceptance from parents
  • 00:56:58
    it carries the day so if your child has
  • 00:57:01
    had
  • 00:57:01
    um you know certain treatments that now
  • 00:57:04
    maybe you're questioning
  • 00:57:06
    just know your love for your child
  • 00:57:09
    is solid it's powerful
  • 00:57:12
    and that your child knows you love them
  • 00:57:15
    so
  • 00:57:16
    having said so that's the soothing part
  • 00:57:18
    but but just
  • 00:57:19
    imagine this um i work since i'm an
  • 00:57:22
    infant mental health specialist i
  • 00:57:24
    i see children as as young as you know
  • 00:57:28
    a few months two to three and
  • 00:57:31
    imagine that you're doing something
  • 00:57:35
    that makes you happy or you're doing
  • 00:57:38
    something with your body that makes you
  • 00:57:39
    happy or
  • 00:57:40
    or or humming something over and over
  • 00:57:42
    again or wanting to do
  • 00:57:43
    a repetitive thing it makes you happy
  • 00:57:45
    and then and then someone comes and
  • 00:57:48
    either takes it away
  • 00:57:49
    or or asks or holds it hostage for you
  • 00:57:53
    to do something else
  • 00:57:55
    i mean it gives you a message
  • 00:57:58
    it gives the child a message that
  • 00:58:00
    something that they
  • 00:58:01
    inherently treasure is
  • 00:58:05
    going to be out of their reach or
  • 00:58:08
    they have to pretend like they're not
  • 00:58:09
    interested in it so they can get what
  • 00:58:11
    they want
  • 00:58:12
    so i'm concerned about that i think that
  • 00:58:15
    it can give a child a message
  • 00:58:17
    of conditional acceptance and and safety
  • 00:58:21
    and that's what i want to change i want
  • 00:58:24
    the neuroception of safety i didn't
  • 00:58:25
    mention that in the talk but
  • 00:58:27
    neuroreception is our
  • 00:58:28
    our human um perception of threat and
  • 00:58:30
    safety i want children to feel so
  • 00:58:32
    safe and accepted and and i think
  • 00:58:35
    parents
  • 00:58:36
    are are providers and people in my
  • 00:58:39
    profession
  • 00:58:40
    and others make parents so afraid of
  • 00:58:43
    autistic behaviors
  • 00:58:44
    like oh no this is a part of of the
  • 00:58:47
    diagnosis and
  • 00:58:48
    i really think we need to stop that
  • 00:58:49
    because there are so many autistic
  • 00:58:52
    children
  • 00:58:53
    it's part of our it appears to be a
  • 00:58:56
    a part of our human diversity and
  • 00:59:00
    we it when we scare or
  • 00:59:04
    have a parent view something in their
  • 00:59:06
    child
  • 00:59:07
    as as um
  • 00:59:10
    something they need to either get rid of
  • 00:59:12
    or be afraid of it can
  • 00:59:14
    impact the relationship of calmness and
  • 00:59:17
    joy that the parent has
  • 00:59:19
    yeah um i had saved a quote actually
  • 00:59:22
    from you
  • 00:59:23
    and you said much of what i do as a
  • 00:59:25
    psychologist is undoing the distressed
  • 00:59:27
    cause to parents by the deficit medical
  • 00:59:29
    model of the dsm
  • 00:59:30
    we need not fear developmental
  • 00:59:32
    differences but use them as a
  • 00:59:33
    compassionate road
  • 00:59:34
    roadmap to deepen relationships
  • 00:59:36
    communication and joy
  • 00:59:38
    and i think that's so true because
  • 00:59:40
    speaking from experience
  • 00:59:42
    it is extremely distressing to go
  • 00:59:44
    through the diagnosis process
  • 00:59:46
    it's a deficit model every intervention
  • 00:59:49
    is based on deficits you know all of the
  • 00:59:52
    evaluations that parents
  • 00:59:53
    are listening to when they hear the way
  • 00:59:56
    that their children are being described
  • 00:59:59
    it's really not healthy it's it sets a
  • 01:00:02
    you know and when
  • 01:00:03
    uh this will go back to perhaps
  • 01:00:05
    neurosception and polyvagal theory but
  • 01:00:08
    you know when we're stressed
  • 01:00:11
    we can't think clearly and we can't make
  • 01:00:14
    good decisions and we can't
  • 01:00:15
    support our children the way that we
  • 01:00:17
    need to so
  • 01:00:19
    you know all of this
  • 01:00:22
    is incredibly important to take
  • 01:00:26
    note of because you know
  • 01:00:30
    it it directly impacts not only us but
  • 01:00:32
    our children
  • 01:00:33
    um and um
  • 01:00:37
    one of the things i wanted to mention as
  • 01:00:39
    well was
  • 01:00:41
    going back to the stimming and the and
  • 01:00:44
    the you know automatic behaviors
  • 01:00:46
    um uh because we i see that we do have
  • 01:00:48
    one question
  • 01:00:49
    referring to that um we know from
  • 01:00:53
    research that this is adaptive and that
  • 01:00:56
    you know sometimes it's it's not
  • 01:00:58
    volitional and it's like a nervous
  • 01:01:00
    system response
  • 01:01:02
    um but it does seem to be adaptive both
  • 01:01:04
    by first-hand account and research
  • 01:01:07
    so what's your advice to
  • 01:01:11
    parents and professionals because i've
  • 01:01:13
    heard professionals say well you know
  • 01:01:15
    we believe in sing but it has to be at
  • 01:01:17
    certain times or they can't do it during
  • 01:01:18
    this time
  • 01:01:20
    what is your response to that
  • 01:01:23
    my response to that is
  • 01:01:26
    consider what message we're giving to
  • 01:01:28
    the child
  • 01:01:30
    i mean if we say oh that's okay uh you
  • 01:01:32
    can stem
  • 01:01:33
    uh in in uh for 10 minutes
  • 01:01:37
    at the end of the hour or or you know
  • 01:01:40
    something like that the message is
  • 01:01:42
    this is a behavior that you need to
  • 01:01:45
    control
  • 01:01:45
    and it's it's not a part of who you are
  • 01:01:49
    it's something that will tolerate if if
  • 01:01:51
    that
  • 01:01:52
    and again hold hostage for you to do
  • 01:01:54
    your other stuff
  • 01:01:55
    the message is not of acceptance the
  • 01:01:57
    messages of
  • 01:01:59
    uh were still it's i mean it's better
  • 01:02:03
    you know it's better than just trying to
  • 01:02:05
    eliminate behavior altogether but i
  • 01:02:07
    really think we need to change
  • 01:02:08
    our our language we need to change the
  • 01:02:10
    way we view
  • 01:02:12
    and the way we value behavioral
  • 01:02:16
    differences in autism
  • 01:02:17
    and be very careful about what we fool
  • 01:02:19
    around with
  • 01:02:20
    unless we know that
  • 01:02:24
    um that you know i guess there's
  • 01:02:27
    there's another piece one one piece is
  • 01:02:29
    that we do want to make sure
  • 01:02:31
    that behaviors are not coming from
  • 01:02:33
    physical pain
  • 01:02:35
    so we really want to make sure that or
  • 01:02:38
    emotional pain so if
  • 01:02:40
    if a child is having stress behaviors
  • 01:02:42
    for example and they may have
  • 01:02:44
    reflux or tummy issues or gut issues
  • 01:02:46
    which many of our kids do
  • 01:02:48
    we really want a sensitive gi doctor or
  • 01:02:51
    pediatrician
  • 01:02:52
    online uh to work on teams you need a
  • 01:02:55
    team to make sure the child's not in
  • 01:02:56
    physical pain
  • 01:02:58
    but if the behavior is enjoyed by the
  • 01:03:00
    child if the behavior is serving as liz
  • 01:03:02
    torres says
  • 01:03:03
    an adaptive purpose to reduce the amount
  • 01:03:06
    of
  • 01:03:06
    internal suffering a child might be
  • 01:03:08
    having then in my opinion
  • 01:03:10
    why not celebrate the behavior why not
  • 01:03:14
    why not look at it and saying wow that's
  • 01:03:17
    pretty cool that your body's doing that
  • 01:03:18
    right now
  • 01:03:19
    and is there anything else you need for
  • 01:03:21
    me yeah
  • 01:03:23
    yeah i think and it's that goes into the
  • 01:03:26
    strength-based model of
  • 01:03:28
    you know look at you trying to
  • 01:03:30
    self-regulate yourself
  • 01:03:32
    like i'm so happy for you
  • 01:03:35
    you're able to do this to help yourself
  • 01:03:38
    you know be regulated
  • 01:03:39
    yes and you can say mommy or daddy
  • 01:03:43
    i do this to feel more regulated and you
  • 01:03:46
    do this to feel more regulated and
  • 01:03:48
    teachers kindergarten teachers and
  • 01:03:50
    elementary school teachers
  • 01:03:52
    can talk to the whole class about that
  • 01:03:55
    and normalize it
  • 01:03:56
    as not as something that's part of a
  • 01:03:58
    diagnosis but
  • 01:03:59
    that is something that's part of um
  • 01:04:02
    our our ability to take care of what our
  • 01:04:05
    body is asking us for
  • 01:04:07
    um and again oftentimes with little
  • 01:04:09
    children it's not conscious
  • 01:04:10
    it's just happens yeah and i
  • 01:04:14
    that also goes back to what you said
  • 01:04:16
    about um
  • 01:04:18
    um kind of like the circular reasoning
  • 01:04:20
    that happens
  • 01:04:21
    it's like oh they're doing this because
  • 01:04:23
    the person is doing this because they're
  • 01:04:25
    autistic
  • 01:04:26
    um which really you know that
  • 01:04:29
    is not that's not a good reasoning like
  • 01:04:32
    the person is trying to adapt to the
  • 01:04:35
    circumstances
  • 01:04:37
    you know that they're enduring in their
  • 01:04:38
    body and the environment
  • 01:04:40
    um which we all do it's just that we all
  • 01:04:43
    do some people have you know different
  • 01:04:46
    um
  • 01:04:47
    uh what's the word i'm looking for that
  • 01:04:50
    you know
  • 01:04:50
    they may have more intense um need to do
  • 01:04:53
    that in certain places
  • 01:04:55
    that's right and our as humans our
  • 01:04:57
    thresholds for what we
  • 01:04:58
    consider comfortable or uncomfortable
  • 01:05:00
    shift
  • 01:05:01
    so i think that's one thing what that we
  • 01:05:04
    need to appreciate
  • 01:05:05
    is that sometimes in autism the state
  • 01:05:08
    shifts
  • 01:05:09
    meaning our our fight or flight
  • 01:05:13
    you know you know sometimes that fight
  • 01:05:15
    or flight
  • 01:05:16
    urge happens fast because you can feel
  • 01:05:19
    over from overwhelmed quickly by a
  • 01:05:22
    sensory stimulus depending on the child
  • 01:05:25
    and then it's hard it's hard for
  • 01:05:27
    caregivers that's why i think self-care
  • 01:05:29
    is really important because when the
  • 01:05:30
    child is going into
  • 01:05:32
    like what we call the red pathway when
  • 01:05:34
    they go into this
  • 01:05:36
    uh as if they're running away or or
  • 01:05:39
    endangering
  • 01:05:40
    themselves or others of course we have
  • 01:05:41
    to take compassionate action and quickly
  • 01:05:44
    we have to protect the child
  • 01:05:46
    but it's a whole mind shift on on how we
  • 01:05:48
    look at
  • 01:05:49
    behaviors and and how we and how we view
  • 01:05:52
    them with compassion rather than
  • 01:05:53
    through the lens of the dsm yeah um we
  • 01:05:57
    have a couple comments
  • 01:05:58
    um which are really good uh
  • 01:06:01
    from teresa saying yes we're hearing
  • 01:06:04
    more and more from
  • 01:06:05
    adult autistics about how they were
  • 01:06:07
    injured we have to challenge what we've
  • 01:06:08
    been doing for the last 25 years
  • 01:06:10
    enforcing compliant behavior
  • 01:06:14
    and
  • 01:06:17
    wait there was one other one here um oh
  • 01:06:20
    and uh i feel like this approach would
  • 01:06:21
    also reduce the incidence of damaging
  • 01:06:23
    restraint and seclusion
  • 01:06:25
    ah yes a hundred percent
  • 01:06:29
    and if you're interested in that um the
  • 01:06:31
    uh the
  • 01:06:32
    the organization the alliance against
  • 01:06:34
    seclusion and restraint
  • 01:06:36
    by stevens beth talley uh and all
  • 01:06:39
    it's a facebook and it's an organization
  • 01:06:42
    that
  • 01:06:43
    is going to this use neuroscience
  • 01:06:47
    we use seclusion and restraint on
  • 01:06:49
    individuals who are in that
  • 01:06:50
    bright red fight-or-flight zone
  • 01:06:53
    when what they need is of course to be
  • 01:06:55
    kept safe
  • 01:06:56
    in others but what they need is
  • 01:06:59
    compassion
  • 01:07:00
    compassionate awareness that they are
  • 01:07:02
    feeling
  • 01:07:03
    so under threat so thank you for that
  • 01:07:06
    comment whoever
  • 01:07:07
    that's great yeah yeah um one person
  • 01:07:10
    said
  • 01:07:11
    uh being severe autistic and deaf means
  • 01:07:14
    you have cognitive impairment this is
  • 01:07:16
    what a director of special services
  • 01:07:17
    always says
  • 01:07:20
    absolutely not yeah absolutely not
  • 01:07:24
    um the i am i i'm
  • 01:07:27
    the the crossover with cognitive
  • 01:07:31
    impairment
  • 01:07:31
    and autism is based on old research i
  • 01:07:34
    think it's very hard to measure
  • 01:07:36
    and we have to always assume the child
  • 01:07:39
    is not
  • 01:07:39
    cognitively impaired we have to assume
  • 01:07:42
    that
  • 01:07:43
    and then communicate with the child once
  • 01:07:46
    um deaf and autistic well we have a lot
  • 01:07:49
    of
  • 01:07:50
    we have a lot of supports that that
  • 01:07:51
    child needs right we have to get a lot
  • 01:07:53
    of communication supports in there but
  • 01:07:55
    you and
  • 01:07:56
    you never assume or think oh there's a
  • 01:08:00
    good chance that there's a co-occurring
  • 01:08:02
    cognitive delay until you get to know
  • 01:08:05
    the child and
  • 01:08:06
    and when you do you know you're going to
  • 01:08:10
    find that there's
  • 01:08:11
    always thoughts and and ideas there
  • 01:08:15
    so yeah that's it we need to
  • 01:08:18
    fight that in special ed and i i again
  • 01:08:21
    um i hear statistics thrown around in
  • 01:08:24
    ieps about
  • 01:08:26
    there's likely cognitive delay but
  • 01:08:29
    oftentimes it's put out there
  • 01:08:31
    while you uh based on a test that a
  • 01:08:34
    standardized test the child's given
  • 01:08:36
    that's not uh curated for an autistic
  • 01:08:39
    individual to answer
  • 01:08:41
    so it's invalid yeah yeah
  • 01:08:44
    yeah i totally agree and i also think
  • 01:08:46
    that it
  • 01:08:48
    is very dangerous territory because if
  • 01:08:50
    people make those
  • 01:08:51
    assumptions and they withhold
  • 01:08:54
    opportunities from the person
  • 01:08:56
    they're actually causing more harm to
  • 01:08:59
    the person
  • 01:09:00
    because of their you know assumptions
  • 01:09:03
    and so we have to make sure that that
  • 01:09:05
    doesn't happen
  • 01:09:06
    oh jen we really have to make sure and
  • 01:09:09
    we especially have to make sure for
  • 01:09:11
    those children who
  • 01:09:13
    don't have advocates who have or who
  • 01:09:16
    have advocates who are so
  • 01:09:17
    stretched who are working full-time who
  • 01:09:20
    may not understand the system as well
  • 01:09:23
    and who are told things about their
  • 01:09:26
    child that
  • 01:09:27
    that may not be true you could change
  • 01:09:29
    the trajectory of a person's life
  • 01:09:32
    by having a note on their ongoing
  • 01:09:36
    um paperwork and ieps that there's a
  • 01:09:40
    that they're suspected to have low
  • 01:09:42
    intellectual
  • 01:09:43
    uh abilities and it's just um it's not
  • 01:09:46
    okay
  • 01:09:47
    yeah um and i just wanted to say one
  • 01:09:49
    more thing on that
  • 01:09:50
    um to tatiana because there's a really
  • 01:09:53
    good article by john hussman
  • 01:09:55
    and he gives a thought experiment of um
  • 01:09:58
    imagine if someone asked you your
  • 01:10:00
    favorite color and you couldn't speak or
  • 01:10:02
    move your eyes or point
  • 01:10:04
    how would you answer the question and
  • 01:10:06
    what if people just assumed that you
  • 01:10:07
    didn't understand or you didn't have a
  • 01:10:09
    favorite color
  • 01:10:10
    you know so i think that
  • 01:10:13
    is like really helpful in imagining that
  • 01:10:16
    you know if you
  • 01:10:17
    have movement differences um you know
  • 01:10:21
    you're not going to be able to answer
  • 01:10:23
    certain questions and that doesn't mean
  • 01:10:25
    that you
  • 01:10:25
    have cognitive uh disabilities it means
  • 01:10:30
    that you might have
  • 01:10:31
    motor uh you know movement
  • 01:10:34
    uh compromise yeah thank you that's
  • 01:10:37
    beautiful
  • 01:10:38
    that's beautiful and imagine that
  • 01:10:41
    that you know that locked-in-ness of
  • 01:10:44
    of when when you can't let people know
  • 01:10:47
    what color
  • 01:10:48
    you know what what you're in what your
  • 01:10:50
    ideas are
  • 01:10:51
    so never assume that a child doesn't
  • 01:10:54
    have these good ideas we have to assume
  • 01:10:57
    that the child has ideas and it's our
  • 01:10:59
    responsibility to get them
  • 01:11:02
    uh to help them show us that's our
  • 01:11:05
    responsibility not theirs because
  • 01:11:07
    they're like you said when there's
  • 01:11:09
    significant motor impairment
  • 01:11:10
    then even um sometimes pointing is a
  • 01:11:13
    challenge
  • 01:11:14
    yeah but there are workarounds there are
  • 01:11:17
    workarounds
  • 01:11:18
    yeah so the challenge could be uh
  • 01:11:21
    put back on the adults supporting the
  • 01:11:24
    person
  • 01:11:25
    and you know finding ways that the
  • 01:11:27
    person can
  • 01:11:28
    answer and that might take some you know
  • 01:11:31
    trial and error but absolutely it it
  • 01:11:34
    can't
  • 01:11:35
    it can and it can take some resources
  • 01:11:36
    but we have to do it it's the
  • 01:11:38
    the risk is too great to um to not do it
  • 01:11:42
    yeah um okay so there's another question
  • 01:11:45
    that
  • 01:11:46
    says what if the behavior is malicious
  • 01:11:49
    or planned
  • 01:11:49
    then is it appropriate to have a
  • 01:11:52
    consequence
  • 01:11:54
    so great question and then i would go to
  • 01:11:57
    kind of the definition of
  • 01:11:59
    of malicious or plan so um i'm curious
  • 01:12:02
    like what that what exactly what that
  • 01:12:04
    would mean so
  • 01:12:06
    let's just let's just have two different
  • 01:12:08
    scenarios so
  • 01:12:10
    uh take sibling rivalry for example
  • 01:12:13
    and um let's just say that a child is
  • 01:12:16
    sitting um at it at the dinner table
  • 01:12:20
    and then a high
  • 01:12:23
    or low frequency sound that nobody else
  • 01:12:26
    can except for the autistic child can
  • 01:12:27
    hear goes
  • 01:12:28
    through and all of a sudden the child
  • 01:12:31
    goes into complete stress response but
  • 01:12:33
    nobody knows
  • 01:12:34
    underneath the tip of the iceberg and
  • 01:12:36
    all of a sudden there's a fighter flight
  • 01:12:38
    and he whacks his sibling
  • 01:12:40
    well one could say that looks malicious
  • 01:12:45
    but was it malicious no it was a stress
  • 01:12:47
    response so i think my
  • 01:12:49
    the thing we need to ask is is this a
  • 01:12:51
    top-down behavior or a bottom
  • 01:12:53
    body up behavior is this an instinctual
  • 01:12:56
    response
  • 01:12:57
    in autism oftentimes
  • 01:13:01
    it's not malicious and it's not
  • 01:13:03
    intentionally
  • 01:13:04
    planned uh on the other hand if you have
  • 01:13:08
    a child
  • 01:13:08
    who is um you know
  • 01:13:12
    testing out the boundaries of their life
  • 01:13:15
    who who you may have told that they
  • 01:13:17
    can't have another
  • 01:13:19
    piece of dessert or cake and they um
  • 01:13:24
    they they sneak into the kitchen and
  • 01:13:26
    take some more cake into their room
  • 01:13:27
    that's not malicious it's just breaking
  • 01:13:29
    the rules
  • 01:13:30
    that doesn't mean you don't address it
  • 01:13:32
    and have boundaries and have family
  • 01:13:34
    family expectations and rules
  • 01:13:37
    it doesn't mean being compassionate and
  • 01:13:39
    being understanding of behaviors
  • 01:13:41
    doesn't mean that you are allowing a
  • 01:13:44
    child not to have boundaries
  • 01:13:46
    yeah all children need boundaries yeah
  • 01:13:49
    exactly
  • 01:13:49
    uh the person added a little more detail
  • 01:13:52
    said student is right
  • 01:13:53
    student is riding a horse and wants to
  • 01:13:55
    go outside instructor wants a task first
  • 01:13:57
    then go outside
  • 01:13:58
    student refuses task then spits on
  • 01:14:00
    instructor
  • 01:14:03
    stress response so let's think about
  • 01:14:06
    that i love thank you
  • 01:14:07
    thank you okay so
  • 01:14:11
    we're working on uh okay
  • 01:14:14
    we're working on if you do this
  • 01:14:18
    then you get that so this child loves
  • 01:14:21
    the
  • 01:14:21
    horseback ride the horse going on the
  • 01:14:23
    horse
  • 01:14:24
    and so the um the
  • 01:14:28
    the child uh or or teenager
  • 01:14:31
    is told that they have to
  • 01:14:35
    perform a certain thing they have to do
  • 01:14:38
    this
  • 01:14:38
    which often increases your stress load
  • 01:14:40
    right because then all of a sudden
  • 01:14:42
    you're under this performance
  • 01:14:44
    and you have the excitement of wanting
  • 01:14:46
    to do the ride the horse
  • 01:14:48
    so then they crank it and they say
  • 01:14:52
    sorry you gotta do this first in order
  • 01:14:53
    to get out to the horse
  • 01:14:55
    when their body may be really wanting to
  • 01:14:57
    go into the horse
  • 01:14:59
    all of a sudden it goes from the ventral
  • 01:15:02
    vagal system which is
  • 01:15:03
    i'm in control of my behaviors to the
  • 01:15:07
    sympathetic fight or flight and spitting
  • 01:15:10
    is a classic
  • 01:15:11
    sympathetic fight or flight behavior so
  • 01:15:14
    thanks for the detail on that i would
  • 01:15:16
    really
  • 01:15:17
    think about this if then
  • 01:15:21
    if you behave and
  • 01:15:24
    and perform for us then you get to go
  • 01:15:27
    ride a horse
  • 01:15:28
    instead of following the state of the
  • 01:15:30
    child
  • 01:15:31
    look at this child's nervous system how
  • 01:15:34
    do they need it ask them do you need to
  • 01:15:36
    move right now
  • 01:15:36
    would you like to go ride the horse
  • 01:15:38
    before you finish your project
  • 01:15:40
    what's wrong with including the child
  • 01:15:43
    as they do with collaborative problem
  • 01:15:45
    solving raw screen cps
  • 01:15:47
    why not include the student in on the
  • 01:15:50
    solution
  • 01:15:51
    so that's that was a great question
  • 01:15:54
    yeah now of course i don't know because
  • 01:15:57
    it's theoretical i'm i'm not there
  • 01:15:59
    but my guess i
  • 01:16:02
    i think too mona that isn't this uh
  • 01:16:05
    even though you know we don't want a
  • 01:16:08
    child to spit
  • 01:16:09
    you know that's not good we don't we're
  • 01:16:12
    not happy about that but
  • 01:16:14
    it's also a form of self-advocacy to say
  • 01:16:17
    like i'm not in a good place right now
  • 01:16:20
    this is you know
  • 01:16:21
    and and like i can't handle this right
  • 01:16:24
    now
  • 01:16:24
    and so even if it's not um
  • 01:16:27
    even if it's not like a behavior that we
  • 01:16:29
    necessarily like
  • 01:16:32
    like um it is a message that
  • 01:16:35
    like perhaps we need to pump the brakes
  • 01:16:37
    and like you said you know
  • 01:16:39
    realize that it's a stress response and
  • 01:16:41
    maybe we're asking too much
  • 01:16:43
    at that time yeah and it doesn't mean
  • 01:16:46
    that we are saying spitting is okay
  • 01:16:50
    that person can obviously say
  • 01:16:53
    what this is spinning is is is not
  • 01:16:55
    condoned
  • 01:16:56
    in in our setting here it's not okay
  • 01:17:00
    but that child
  • 01:17:03
    what we have to assume is that that
  • 01:17:04
    child did not want to spit
  • 01:17:06
    and if that child liked the person that
  • 01:17:08
    they spent on they probably
  • 01:17:09
    felt ashamed afterwards once they calmed
  • 01:17:12
    down and embarrassed
  • 01:17:14
    and and unable to talk about it because
  • 01:17:17
    it looked like they were doing it to get
  • 01:17:20
    out of
  • 01:17:20
    to get out of doing the homework and
  • 01:17:22
    that's the paradigm shift that we need
  • 01:17:24
    to do is to assume
  • 01:17:26
    this child if this child had the choice
  • 01:17:29
    to talk to us to bargain with us say oh
  • 01:17:32
    no i really please can we just ride the
  • 01:17:34
    horse
  • 01:17:34
    but the child didn't so the body got
  • 01:17:37
    stressed
  • 01:17:38
    and that's what we need to learn is that
  • 01:17:39
    we don't teach a lesson
  • 01:17:41
    to a child who is in that red response
  • 01:17:43
    we we
  • 01:17:44
    like whoa oh buddy that was that was a
  • 01:17:47
    big ask
  • 01:17:48
    i can see that was a big ask right now
  • 01:17:50
    and your
  • 01:17:51
    your body's upset and then let's work
  • 01:17:53
    together
  • 01:17:54
    yeah thank you so much for that um
  • 01:17:58
    okay i think i have one more question
  • 01:18:01
    um one of the biggest questions
  • 01:18:05
    or most frequent things i encounter is
  • 01:18:09
    parents whose child was just diagnosed
  • 01:18:12
    they're very afraid as we mentioned the
  • 01:18:14
    trauma that the dsm
  • 01:18:16
    you know kind of creates um
  • 01:18:20
    there but these you know parents like i
  • 01:18:23
    remember it was one of the most
  • 01:18:24
    vulnerable times of my life because i
  • 01:18:26
    didn't know anything about
  • 01:18:27
    autism i had seen things that were
  • 01:18:30
    stigmatizing and i
  • 01:18:31
    you know most of what i knew was not
  • 01:18:35
    positive unfortunately at that time
  • 01:18:39
    but i remember being like afraid like i
  • 01:18:42
    don't know if i know how to parent her
  • 01:18:44
    you know what if i mess up like you know
  • 01:18:47
    what do i do
  • 01:18:48
    how do i help her so what and
  • 01:18:51
    and i we're gonna link in this video
  • 01:18:55
    um because i love your article for the
  • 01:18:57
    10 things to ask for when your child is
  • 01:18:59
    diagnosed
  • 01:19:00
    i think it's helpful and i share that
  • 01:19:02
    with a lot of parents actually
  • 01:19:04
    um but what advice do you have for
  • 01:19:08
    new parents who are in that space of
  • 01:19:11
    like being afraid and trying to figure
  • 01:19:14
    out what's next
  • 01:19:18
    well um
  • 01:19:22
    i i i want them to know
  • 01:19:26
    that this field
  • 01:19:29
    like the field that i'm in the field
  • 01:19:31
    that we're in of
  • 01:19:33
    of those professionals who are charged
  • 01:19:36
    with diagnosing
  • 01:19:38
    um and and helping children with
  • 01:19:41
    differences
  • 01:19:42
    the field is in a huge shift
  • 01:19:45
    right now and so there's a chance that
  • 01:19:48
    you would get somebody like me
  • 01:19:50
    that would say you know what i'm going
  • 01:19:52
    to tell you something that is
  • 01:19:54
    kind of could potentially be really
  • 01:19:57
    rock your world but i'm going to tell
  • 01:19:59
    you something else first
  • 01:20:01
    and then something else first is that um
  • 01:20:05
    you have an incredible child with some
  • 01:20:06
    brain wiring differences
  • 01:20:09
    and we're you go you're going to have a
  • 01:20:11
    great team to help you figure out
  • 01:20:14
    how to support your child and this is
  • 01:20:17
    going to be something that is um this
  • 01:20:20
    is your child this is the we we are we
  • 01:20:23
    don't have to
  • 01:20:24
    um you you are going to
  • 01:20:28
    hear a lot of different opinions some
  • 01:20:32
    of what you're going to hear is that
  • 01:20:35
    this
  • 01:20:35
    is a disorder and that it needs to be
  • 01:20:38
    treated
  • 01:20:38
    and it needs to be treated with a
  • 01:20:40
    certain protocol
  • 01:20:43
    and i just want parents to know that
  • 01:20:47
    they're it's like it's a good time now
  • 01:20:49
    is a good time because we know more than
  • 01:20:51
    ever we have autistic advocates
  • 01:20:53
    we have a new approach a developmental
  • 01:20:56
    compassionate
  • 01:20:57
    loving approach that can help
  • 01:21:00
    all students and then you can figure out
  • 01:21:03
    which behaviors you want to tinker with
  • 01:21:05
    and what you just let be
  • 01:21:08
    so i guess what i what i'd say is no
  • 01:21:11
    there's so many choices out there
  • 01:21:13
    there's a lot of different
  • 01:21:14
    opinions some of those opinions are
  • 01:21:16
    going to rock your world
  • 01:21:19
    and i want you to know that you don't
  • 01:21:21
    have to let them rock your world because
  • 01:21:23
    there are resources out there for you
  • 01:21:25
    to hear um from other parents and from
  • 01:21:28
    autistic individuals themselves
  • 01:21:30
    that this isn't a condition that we need
  • 01:21:32
    to despair about
  • 01:21:34
    or or have um
  • 01:21:38
    or have have sadness about this is
  • 01:21:42
    a human diverse brain
  • 01:21:45
    which is part of why our world is so
  • 01:21:48
    amazing
  • 01:21:50
    and i guess the other thing i would say
  • 01:21:52
    is that
  • 01:21:53
    i've had the privilege of working with
  • 01:21:57
    individuals who are diet who i diagnosed
  • 01:21:59
    when they were two or three and now
  • 01:22:01
    are in the world happy
  • 01:22:05
    loving in different situations
  • 01:22:08
    connected amazing people so
  • 01:22:14
    just don't get thrown by a diagnosis
  • 01:22:19
    yeah yeah compassion for yourself for
  • 01:22:22
    providers for your
  • 01:22:24
    your child and i guess there's also one
  • 01:22:26
    last thing i i'll say
  • 01:22:28
    and that is that if your provider
  • 01:22:32
    if you have a provider that is doing
  • 01:22:35
    uh an intervention or suggesting an
  • 01:22:37
    intervention for you
  • 01:22:38
    that goes against your instincts your
  • 01:22:41
    family's culture your
  • 01:22:43
    family's values um and especially your
  • 01:22:46
    instincts as a
  • 01:22:47
    as the parent of this child
  • 01:22:50
    you you don't have to go along with it
  • 01:22:52
    yeah you just say no
  • 01:22:54
    you can say i i don't feel comfortable
  • 01:22:56
    with this and
  • 01:22:58
    talk to the supervisor talk to the um
  • 01:23:01
    talk to the team and get the type of
  • 01:23:04
    treatment that
  • 01:23:04
    you feel best supports your child's
  • 01:23:08
    social and emotional development they're
  • 01:23:10
    feeling loved they're feeling safe
  • 01:23:13
    and their their communication supported
  • 01:23:16
    so they can let you know what they want
  • 01:23:20
    yeah i agree um
  • 01:23:23
    [Laughter]
  • 01:23:25
    i think so i think that was the last
  • 01:23:27
    question we had from the community
  • 01:23:29
    um i just wanted to tell you again what
  • 01:23:33
    a difference you've made
  • 01:23:34
    and i like i said
  • 01:23:37
    i suggest your work to every person i
  • 01:23:40
    know because it's so transformative
  • 01:23:42
    and like this is what our kids deserve
  • 01:23:47
    our kids deserve to be accepted and
  • 01:23:50
    loved for who they
  • 01:23:50
    are to be understood with
  • 01:23:54
    as much information as we have today um
  • 01:23:57
    you know and and um i'll mention that in
  • 01:24:01
    uh
  • 01:24:02
    next month we have dr dora raymaker
  • 01:24:05
    coming back
  • 01:24:06
    and she's going to be talking about
  • 01:24:07
    autistic burnout and the new research
  • 01:24:09
    that they have on that as well
  • 01:24:11
    and so these things are all connected
  • 01:24:14
    the emotional well-being of our children
  • 01:24:17
    the importance of that
  • 01:24:18
    cannot be understated um the need for
  • 01:24:22
    attachment
  • 01:24:23
    with our children can't can't be
  • 01:24:25
    understated
  • 01:24:26
    there's research about this um from
  • 01:24:30
    uh people like oppenheim and um
  • 01:24:33
    maybe singletary you know about the
  • 01:24:36
    importance
  • 01:24:36
    for uh caregivers to be attuned to their
  • 01:24:40
    children's needs and to try to
  • 01:24:42
    understand their children's perspectives
  • 01:24:44
    um and so everything that you do mona is
  • 01:24:48
    is aligned with not only the
  • 01:24:51
    neuroscience but with best practices in
  • 01:24:53
    all children's mental health and
  • 01:24:55
    emotional well-being and i just
  • 01:24:57
    so appreciate your voice and your
  • 01:24:59
    knowledge
  • 01:25:00
    and um i'm i'm really looking forward to
  • 01:25:04
    being able to give some of your books
  • 01:25:05
    away because i think it's such a
  • 01:25:07
    valuable
  • 01:25:08
    resource and same with your website um
  • 01:25:12
    we'll link to that as well um and i'm
  • 01:25:14
    just so happy you were here today thank
  • 01:25:16
    you so much
  • 01:25:17
    thank you so much your words are just
  • 01:25:19
    fill my heart
  • 01:25:20
    and thank you so much and you're right
  • 01:25:23
    it's when i realized that these these
  • 01:25:26
    standard best practices are
  • 01:25:30
    what we demand for neurotypical children
  • 01:25:35
    for all children look at the harvard
  • 01:25:37
    center on the developing child
  • 01:25:39
    it's it's what um neurons to
  • 01:25:41
    neighborhoods
  • 01:25:43
    set out as every child and then there's
  • 01:25:46
    a update
  • 01:25:47
    um call i think called raising healthy
  • 01:25:51
    raising healthy children from from a
  • 01:25:53
    huge panel that says all children
  • 01:25:55
    deserve
  • 01:25:56
    to grow up in loving
  • 01:26:01
    supportive compassionate relationships
  • 01:26:03
    and so
  • 01:26:04
    we need to insist on that for our
  • 01:26:06
    children who are who are on the spectrum
  • 01:26:09
    and um and that's uh
  • 01:26:12
    that's that's what's uh that's pretty
  • 01:26:15
    cool that
  • 01:26:15
    we're making that happen so thanks for
  • 01:26:17
    having me take good care
  • 01:26:19
    yeah thank you so much you too um and
  • 01:26:21
    just one last note
  • 01:26:22
    uh we have a webinar coming out
  • 01:26:25
    next week in the next two weeks with the
  • 01:26:28
    autistic women and non-binary network
  • 01:26:30
    on whether virtual interactions are
  • 01:26:32
    really accessible
  • 01:26:34
    we also have dr christina nicolaitis
  • 01:26:37
    coming back
  • 01:26:38
    on november 12th i believe
  • 01:26:41
    um on autistic adults in healthcare and
  • 01:26:44
    then we have dr dora raymaker on
  • 01:26:45
    november 19th
  • 01:26:47
    um so we hope that you'll all join us
  • 01:26:49
    again soon
  • 01:26:50
    and thank you so much again um dr della
  • 01:26:54
    hook
  • 01:26:55
    thanks for having me take care thank you
Tags
  • Autism
  • Compassionate Care
  • Neuroscience
  • Child Psychology
  • Sensory Processing
  • Developmental Differences
  • Behavioral Challenges
  • Polyvagal Theory
  • Emotional Regulation
  • Child Development