00:00:01
so that's
00:00:02
it I'm quitting my music career giving
00:00:06
up on my music career after 10
00:00:09
years couple record deals
00:00:12
later I'm
00:00:14
done am I done making music am I done
00:00:17
being creative using as my creative
00:00:19
Outlet no
00:00:22
but am I
00:00:24
done trying to make it my life am I done
00:00:27
with the lifestyle am I done with
00:00:32
just everything it has to do
00:00:34
business-wise yeah I'm
00:00:37
done and uh I've been done dude I've
00:00:40
been done for it's been like 6 months
00:00:43
now and I've been thinking about it
00:00:47
for over a year but
00:00:51
uh you know I'm making this video as I'm
00:00:53
driving to my uh job right now
00:00:58
but yeah dude
00:01:00
10 years 10 years of
00:01:03
uh putting my heart and soul into this
00:01:06
[ __ ] and
00:01:08
like getting back a lot for sure you
00:01:11
know got a couple recu deals along the
00:01:14
way you know hit some big Milestones you
00:01:18
know was making a living off music
00:01:22
for eight of those 10
00:01:24
years and like straight out the gates
00:01:27
you know like I went I graduated high
00:01:28
school in 2014
00:01:30
went to music school in 2015 it was like
00:01:33
a one-year program in San
00:01:35
Francisco and
00:01:37
uh you know straight out of that
00:01:41
released a project that I worked on
00:01:43
while I was going to school and
00:01:46
um it took off like immediately on
00:01:50
Soundcloud and then I moved it over to
00:01:52
Spotify and all the streaming services
00:01:54
and started making
00:01:56
money
00:01:58
and I was just like I automatically
00:02:00
thrown into the life and it's what I
00:02:02
wanted dude it's like I went to high
00:02:04
school or everyone goes to high school
00:02:06
but I was going to high school and like
00:02:08
I just had like Big Dreams like wanted
00:02:11
to do music for a living like I I had
00:02:14
this like calling to do it and I went
00:02:18
for it and it worked for a little
00:02:22
bit
00:02:25
but 10 years later dude I'm finding out
00:02:28
you know I'm almost 30 I turned 29 in a
00:02:31
month and it's just not for me it's not
00:02:35
for me and I I
00:02:38
think it wasn't for me the whole time
00:02:41
but it's just part of my story of uh my
00:02:45
life
00:02:47
but so you're probably wondering like
00:02:49
why why is he giving up or like oh this
00:02:52
guy is so bitter he's giving up but
00:02:55
um what it really comes down to is just
00:02:58
like what I
00:03:00
growing growing as a person like the
00:03:02
things I want have
00:03:04
changed so like in high
00:03:08
school I was like I don't want a 9o5 I
00:03:10
don't want to do this I don't want to be
00:03:13
a slave to the system and you
00:03:18
know do that whole thing and like I was
00:03:21
so against it and so I loved music and
00:03:25
was already using music as a creative
00:03:28
Outlet just getting my thoughts out and
00:03:33
uh was like oh you know I could I could
00:03:35
try to do this try to make this work and
00:03:39
um that was really the spark just I just
00:03:42
didn't want to have a 9 to5 I didn't
00:03:43
want to have to do the regular rat race
00:03:45
of America
00:03:48
and feed into the corporate America
00:03:52
[ __ ]
00:03:54
but that changed along the way dude like
00:04:00
I think a lot of things that people in
00:04:03
the music industry don't talk about is
00:04:05
just like how unstable it
00:04:08
is uh there's a lot of glorified aspects
00:04:11
for
00:04:12
sure um but there's a lot of stuff
00:04:14
people don't talk
00:04:16
about
00:04:18
and you
00:04:20
know with the whole way the industry set
00:04:23
up right now with like streaming
00:04:26
and postco like touring and all that
00:04:29
that like music is just in a different
00:04:32
place than it was 10 years ago and the
00:04:35
platforms are in a different place the
00:04:37
algorithms are in a different
00:04:40
place the competition's in a different
00:04:42
place you know everybody has access to
00:04:44
everything now so anybody can do
00:04:48
it and it's just it's a very saturated
00:04:52
market and a very saturated
00:04:56
career
00:04:57
um and it's a [ __ ] struggle dude if
00:05:00
you're not
00:05:01
doing you know at my highest point in my
00:05:03
career I was doing a couple million
00:05:05
streams a month on multiple platforms
00:05:08
Spotify Apple all of that and
00:05:13
uh even then even at the height of my
00:05:16
career you know I was
00:05:18
making less than what a minimum wage
00:05:21
worker would be you know making like
00:05:23
we's say $20 an hour working 40 hours a
00:05:26
week you know even when I was doing
00:05:29
millions of streams a month you know I'm
00:05:32
barely even scratching the surface of
00:05:34
being able to being able to
00:05:37
live and
00:05:41
uh you know a lot a lot of my career was
00:05:46
based off of you know
00:05:49
algorithmic luckiness like the whims of
00:05:53
the algorithm really dictated my career
00:05:56
like from the GetGo you know with
00:05:59
Spotify by having all their editorial
00:06:01
playlists and just how playlisting Works
00:06:04
in general dude like a lot of it's just
00:06:07
luck a lot of it's
00:06:09
luck and uh I spent 10 years just like
00:06:14
living at the whims of the algorithm and
00:06:18
what you know what they want to put me
00:06:21
on in terms of playlisting and all that
00:06:23
[ __ ] and that's such a bad way to live
00:06:26
dude it's such a [ __ ] stressful way
00:06:28
to live it really took its allll on
00:06:30
me and I feel like I wasted my
00:06:33
20s just sitting in my room working on
00:06:37
music um did I really waste it n dude I
00:06:41
learned a lot and I I growed growed I
00:06:45
grew as a
00:06:47
person but
00:06:51
uh did it stunt my growth for sure dude
00:06:54
like you know the rest of the
00:06:58
world you know know my friends my family
00:07:02
they all worked regular day
00:07:04
jobs and I'm just at home all day just
00:07:07
working on music and barely making it
00:07:10
work but making it work enough to the
00:07:12
point where I can say I'm making it work
00:07:14
you know enough to get people off my
00:07:15
back of like oh go get a job but this is
00:07:18
my job you know I'm making money off of
00:07:21
it and I was just happy to be able to
00:07:25
tell people like oh yeah like I you know
00:07:28
I've been doing music for a living you
00:07:29
you know um I took pride in
00:07:34
that maybe for the wrong reasons
00:07:38
but anyway
00:07:42
so that all you know my career started
00:07:45
when I was about
00:07:46
1920 it's when I went to that music
00:07:49
school and then dropped my first
00:07:51
album and I'm about to turn 29 next
00:07:54
month but you know when I turned about
00:07:58
like 27
00:08:01
26
00:08:02
like [ __ ] started getting a little real
00:08:05
you know in terms of just like bills
00:08:07
start piling up life's getting real Co
00:08:12
happened inflation happened things got
00:08:15
more expensive it's harder to live it's
00:08:17
harder to do anything nowadays
00:08:20
with the minimum amount of money I'm
00:08:23
getting and
00:08:25
uh it really started [ __ ] affecting
00:08:28
just like every aspect to my life and
00:08:34
um so a couple years ago yeah like I I I
00:08:36
started thinking I was like is this
00:08:38
really something I want to
00:08:39
do but at the same time you
00:08:43
know I've spent so much time working on
00:08:46
the music and and I built so much in my
00:08:49
career up to that point where it's like
00:08:50
oh how do I just let go of all this and
00:08:53
and just do whatever else and like I
00:08:56
don't have job history because I never
00:08:58
had a job like
00:09:00
I've only done music like out of high
00:09:02
school that's all I've done
00:09:06
um
00:09:08
so I just felt stuck dude I felt like
00:09:12
there's nothing out there for me like
00:09:14
I've I've
00:09:15
wasted the most important time in your
00:09:17
life to you know building a career on on
00:09:20
building a music career and like in the
00:09:23
grand scheme of things it's not going
00:09:26
the way I really thought it would or I
00:09:27
wanted it to and and
00:09:32
uh there was a point where you know I
00:09:35
was a little bitter about it for sure
00:09:38
dude I feel like anybody like you have a
00:09:39
dream to do something and then like
00:09:42
you even like in my situation I was
00:09:45
making it work for a little bit dude
00:09:47
like it wasn't just like something where
00:09:48
like I never achieved it achieved the
00:09:50
level of success I wanted like I I I did
00:09:54
in a in a relative way you know
00:09:57
like and I think that's why I feel kind
00:09:59
of fulfilled at this point enough to
00:10:01
like be able to step away
00:10:04
but yeah just like the the older I get
00:10:08
dude my uh my viewpoint on life's
00:10:12
changed and like the things I want
00:10:13
change and like I went from not wanting
00:10:16
a regular job or anything just because I
00:10:19
didn't want to be a part of that to like
00:10:21
craving a regular job like wanting
00:10:24
structure in my life and
00:10:26
like sustainability and stability ility
00:10:30
and just things that like you really
00:10:32
don't get from a music career whether
00:10:34
you're a huge artist or not like
00:10:37
um there's just an aspect there that's
00:10:39
missing and like structure in your life
00:10:41
of
00:10:42
like having to be places and going
00:10:45
places at certain times like I didn't
00:10:47
have that you know like and like I sound
00:10:49
like a diva I feel like saying this [ __ ]
00:10:51
cuz like yeah like it sounds like the
00:10:53
life dude it sounds like you know not
00:10:55
having to be anywhere like waking up
00:10:57
just working on music smoking weed you
00:10:58
know like living this like very laxed
00:11:01
life it sounds great but doing that for
00:11:05
10 years dude it's it's it's not it like
00:11:09
I personally it's not it for me like I'm
00:11:12
a person that really values structure
00:11:14
and values stability like I don't want
00:11:16
to have to [ __ ] be stressing about
00:11:18
where my next dollar is coming from and
00:11:20
like whether I'm going to be on a
00:11:21
playlist that's going to make me a lot
00:11:23
of money or not like it's just like the
00:11:26
the [ __ ] it just started adding up
00:11:28
dude it's just like it's not where I
00:11:30
wanted it things weren't going where I
00:11:32
wanted them to go and so
00:11:33
like I had people in my life like my
00:11:36
girlfriend and like friends that you
00:11:39
know they're they're same age as me and
00:11:41
like they're they have stability they
00:11:44
have structure they have all this and
00:11:45
they have a regular mundane life but you
00:11:48
know what they're happy dude and like
00:11:50
they they enjoy life they they're not
00:11:53
mad at life you know maybe they wish
00:11:56
they made a little more money but at
00:11:57
least they have the job they have and
00:11:59
like are able to you know sustain the
00:12:03
lifestyle they have based off of what
00:12:06
they've built for themselves and so you
00:12:09
know I saw that dude and I and I really
00:12:11
really
00:12:13
really this [ __ ] dumbass behind me
00:12:15
almost hit me my bad but I I really I
00:12:18
really
00:12:19
wanted I wanted that dude like I craved
00:12:21
that but I just didn't feel like it was
00:12:23
possible just cuz I don't think anybody
00:12:24
wanted to hire me dude
00:12:28
like going into a job interview with no
00:12:31
job history and like real real no no
00:12:35
real life skills you know
00:12:38
like what what can I say I can do I can
00:12:40
I can sound engineer pretty well yeah
00:12:42
cuz I went to school for that but I
00:12:44
don't want a sound engineer for other
00:12:46
artists I really don't like other
00:12:47
people's music when it comes to like
00:12:50
trying to engineer their [ __ ] so like
00:12:52
that's a job that I I should you know
00:12:55
technically I went to school for that
00:12:57
but no that's not it for me either 100%
00:12:59
so like that's out the window and that
00:13:01
whole industry being an engineer that
00:13:02
shit's
00:13:03
out and that's another conversation for
00:13:06
another video
00:13:08
but so like I knew I was like I don't I
00:13:10
don't have any job history I don't have
00:13:12
any [ __ ] skills I know how to play
00:13:15
guar I know how to sing I know how to
00:13:16
rap like all the [ __ ] that I did in my
00:13:19
music career
00:13:24
but I I wanted something I wanted
00:13:27
something real dude so
00:13:30
I started the job plant like a year ago
00:13:32
it was last January and uh just started
00:13:36
applying of so many random jobs on
00:13:38
indeed just trying to see what's out
00:13:41
there and of course sent out like maybe
00:13:44
a hundred application is not even joking
00:13:46
and like didn't hear back from a single
00:13:48
one of
00:13:49
them and so that's in January
00:13:53
2024 then around May
00:13:55
2024 same year uh I get an email
00:14:00
from Sprouts the grocery store and
00:14:04
they're like oh yeah like we have a
00:14:05
position open for like the
00:14:07
deli so I take it dude cuz like I was
00:14:09
already like shopping at Sprouts all the
00:14:11
time and like I knew the store well and
00:14:12
it's like in my neighborhood so it was a
00:14:14
very short commute and like it was the
00:14:16
perfect starter job for me dude like
00:14:19
someone who's never had a job and I'm
00:14:21
almost 30 like it was a good it was a
00:14:24
good uh starting point let's
00:14:26
say I only lasted there for about 2 and
00:14:29
1/2 months long story just a bad
00:14:32
situation there in terms of like how
00:14:34
they r on the store the management
00:14:36
co-workers all of that bad bad story
00:14:39
dude but it was enough to like get me in
00:14:42
the groove of like having a real job
00:14:45
again and gave me that structure I
00:14:48
wanted it wanted for a little bit you
00:14:51
know um but I knew there was something
00:14:54
else out there for me so like got back
00:14:56
on the job hunt while I was still
00:14:57
working there and like just knew knew
00:14:59
like it wasn't going to be like a
00:15:00
long-term thing so like I was just like
00:15:02
I'll just I'll go to work and I'll keep
00:15:04
applying to jobs and hopefully I'll find
00:15:06
something better and then
00:15:08
uh I did I found something better I
00:15:11
found a a job as like a head chef SL
00:15:16
kitchen manager like a small
00:15:17
family-owned
00:15:18
business
00:15:21
and you know on the application like
00:15:24
they weren't looking for somebody with a
00:15:26
bunch of experience you know they
00:15:27
actually were kind of looking for
00:15:29
someone with no experience because they
00:15:30
wanted to be able to train him from the
00:15:32
ground up and like this is a small
00:15:34
operation we're talking about we're not
00:15:35
talking about like a huge restaurant
00:15:36
we're talking about like a little tiny
00:15:39
restaurant that also has like a
00:15:40
storefront and like they do other things
00:15:44
um but they do do
00:15:46
food like a lunch and a dinner service
00:15:49
so they wanted like a head chef just to
00:15:51
like run the kitchen it's like a oneman
00:15:53
operation type of thing and so I took it
00:15:56
dude I applied to it and uh thinking
00:15:59
like oh I probably won't hear back just
00:16:01
cuz like yeah no no job history or
00:16:04
whatever but
00:16:08
um did that applied day later they hit
00:16:11
me back they're like oh yeah like com in
00:16:13
for interview went in for the interview
00:16:15
and
00:16:17
uh got the [ __ ] job dude like shout
00:16:20
out to I don't want to say where I work
00:16:22
but shout out to Amanda she's not the
00:16:24
she's not the boss there anymore but she
00:16:27
just quit and uh is moving moving away
00:16:30
so we got a new boss but like she's the
00:16:33
one that gave me the opportunity and
00:16:34
took the chance on me dude and I'm so
00:16:36
thankful I'm so thankful for that just
00:16:39
because like I needed that and it pays
00:16:41
well I got my full 40 hours a
00:16:45
week and dude I I can't even tell you
00:16:47
how like much better life's been I've
00:16:50
been doing this [ __ ] for like 6 months
00:16:52
now 7 months and like life is just
00:16:56
better it's different
00:17:00
I just feel like I'm contributing to
00:17:01
society more dude and like the older I
00:17:05
got and like doing the music thing it
00:17:08
just felt like such a selfish Pursuit
00:17:12
such a selfish career dude like
00:17:14
everything was about me and me me me me
00:17:19
and I just couldn't do it anymore dude
00:17:22
like a couple years ago is when like all
00:17:26
of this started changing for me in terms
00:17:28
of like the way I thought about my
00:17:29
career and like what I was doing with it
00:17:33
um I took like a heroic dose of
00:17:35
mushrooms and like it changed my life
00:17:38
dude like it changed the way I thought
00:17:40
about everything like me as a human
00:17:43
being and the way I treat other people
00:17:45
and the way I contribute to society and
00:17:47
the way I contribute to you
00:17:50
know the
00:17:52
world and there's nothing wrong with
00:17:55
uh making music dude and like that's
00:17:58
what I that's who I I am as a person you
00:17:59
know making music for me is like who I
00:18:02
am to my core like I'm always going to
00:18:05
make music and I'm always going to
00:18:07
release the music
00:18:08
but am I going to do that as as like am
00:18:11
I going to put all my time and energy in
00:18:13
the sense of like trying to make it work
00:18:15
as a career anymore nah I think that
00:18:18
that that part of me is died and moved
00:18:21
on dude like it's over with like I don't
00:18:25
have the
00:18:27
uh energy to do that anymore and it's
00:18:30
not and it's not even fact that I don't
00:18:32
have the energy like I just worked on
00:18:34
like music the other day and was working
00:18:36
on a song finished it and like I'm
00:18:39
sitting on some of the best music I've
00:18:41
ever made in my life and I'm still in a
00:18:43
[ __ ] contract right now with a major
00:18:46
label which is the shitty part so I
00:18:49
still have contractual obligations to
00:18:51
complete
00:18:53
um so there is a little bit of a click
00:18:55
Bess to this video just cuz like I'm
00:18:58
still doing the music thing dude but
00:19:00
like I guess what I'm trying to say is
00:19:02
like the energy and like the thought
00:19:04
behind it is dead dude
00:19:07
like I'm not doing it for a lifestyle
00:19:11
anymore I'm not doing it to be somebody
00:19:13
anymore I'm not doing it to make money
00:19:15
anymore I'm doing music because that's
00:19:18
who I am as a person and spiritually it
00:19:20
makes me feel fulfilled and it's just a
00:19:22
way to like get my thoughts out and it's
00:19:24
a way of journaling and timestamping a
00:19:27
time period of like oh this is what was
00:19:29
going on in my life and like I write
00:19:30
music about it and um that's who I am
00:19:35
for sure
00:19:37
but the whole money thing the whole
00:19:40
business side of it the whole trying to
00:19:43
be somebody trying to
00:19:45
[ __ ] make it work like that's dead
00:19:48
that's dead I don't want anything to do
00:19:50
with it
00:19:51
anymore and that might come off
00:19:53
bitter but I promise you like I'm not
00:19:56
bitter about it like I'm so happy I'm so
00:20:00
happy I'm so happy I have a job I'm so
00:20:03
happy I can pay my bills I'm so happy
00:20:05
that I can provide a
00:20:08
life for myself and for my girlfriend
00:20:11
and the cats I you know
00:20:15
like just being able to be a human being
00:20:18
again dude like I it's just like I got
00:20:21
so lost in the sauce like doing the
00:20:23
music [ __ ] like trying to be a career
00:20:25
musician and stuff and like
00:20:29
you know props anybody out there that
00:20:31
can make it work dude but like I know I
00:20:34
know a lot of you artists out there are
00:20:37
struggling struggling as human beings
00:20:40
and struggling to make money and like I
00:20:42
know it's such a [ __ ] hard and rough
00:20:45
industry to be a part of and it's Soul
00:20:47
crushing
00:20:49
and it's just such a shitty situation
00:20:52
especially just like where everything's
00:20:53
at right now with technology and it's
00:20:56
just going to get worse dude people
00:20:58
don't
00:20:59
people don't value music the same way
00:21:01
they did 20 years
00:21:03
ago
00:21:05
and I don't see it going backwards like
00:21:08
I don't think we're going to go back to
00:21:10
spending money on music and letting
00:21:12
artists have real careers again like I
00:21:15
think that's gone I I think we're moving
00:21:17
towards a place where the music industry
00:21:20
is not valued anymore and I think the
00:21:22
labels are realizing that and you know
00:21:25
they're scrambling cuz they're not
00:21:27
making the money they used to make
00:21:29
off record sales and all that [ __ ] and
00:21:31
touring's getting harder and like
00:21:33
everything dude the whole industry is in
00:21:35
shambles and uh I think it was just the
00:21:37
perfect time for me to back out and just
00:21:40
like move my energy elsewhere into like
00:21:43
stuff that really makes my real life
00:21:47
work you
00:21:49
know and so like that's where I want to
00:21:51
end this video
00:21:54
uh I'm the Panini Cowboy that's that's
00:21:56
going to be my my name on here
00:21:59
this channel is not going to really be
00:22:01
anything about music I I just wanted to
00:22:04
like have a click baity ass title to
00:22:07
draw you guys in I guess but uh I don't
00:22:10
even care if anybody sees this dude like
00:22:11
I really I've just been thinking about
00:22:13
these stream of Consciousness videos
00:22:14
lately seen a lot of people do them and
00:22:16
I really like it and I really relate to
00:22:18
a lot of the stuff people are saying and
00:22:20
I think as a human being it's good to
00:22:22
relate to other human beings and like if
00:22:24
this does reach the audience of artists
00:22:28
or you know anybody out there that's
00:22:30
really pursuing any type of career uh
00:22:33
you know I hope there's something
00:22:34
relatable in this and
00:22:36
uh this channel is going to be whatever
00:22:38
dude like I'm just going to be doing
00:22:40
whatever and like now that I'm like in
00:22:42
The Culinary field and doing Chef stuff
00:22:45
and like running a
00:22:46
business
00:22:48
um there might be a little bit of that a
00:22:50
little bit of cooking on here a little
00:22:52
bit of talking about life and
00:22:56
spiritual you know stuff I'm really
00:22:59
trying to figure it out dude but like I
00:23:01
I had this itch to like make a channel
00:23:03
and make a video and and this is my this
00:23:06
is my first try at it dude I've tried
00:23:08
shooting this exact video like four or
00:23:10
five times and
00:23:12
like just realizing like oh I'm being a
00:23:14
[ __ ] perfectionist again like the way
00:23:16
I was with my music and I just got to
00:23:17
like go for it so um hope you guys
00:23:21
[ __ ] enjoy have a good day sending uh
00:23:25
Positive Vibes out into the world good
00:23:28
energy
00:23:29
uh I'll catch you guys later man Panini
00:23:31
Cowboy out bro
