00:00:00
do not do this when a woman pulls back so what
if I told you that when a woman pulls away it's
00:00:05
not random in fact there's a hidden test playing
out almost every single time a test that if you
00:00:10
fail will kill her attraction instantly but if
you pass it can actually make her chase you and
00:00:15
become attached to you even more than before
in fact in the next few minutes I'm going to
00:00:20
show you why it's almost guaranteed that early in
a relationship a woman is going to put the brakes
00:00:25
on and she's going to slow things down why women
are programmed to unconsciously run this test
00:00:31
specifically on men that they're attracted to and
I'm going to go over five of the critical mistakes
00:00:36
that turn this test into relation suicide and then
I'm going to give you a counterintuitive approach
00:00:41
that not only stops her from pulling away but
actually makes her chase you and most importantly
00:00:47
how to flip the script so that you're the one
with the power by the end of this video not only
00:00:53
will you understand why women pull away but more
importantly you'll know exactly what to do when
00:00:58
it happens because it will happen hi I'm Bobby
Rio and even though I've been coaching dating
00:01:03
for the past 16 years the pullback test that I
just mentioned that moment when a girl pulls back
00:01:09
and takes away that one thing you want most I'm
man enough to admit this i'll make a confession
00:01:15
right here on camera before I figured this out
I failed this test more times than I can count
00:01:20
and I failed it in some of the most humiliating
ways possible in ways that still honestly make me
00:01:26
cringe thinking about how needy and desperate
I came across to women who did this to me and
00:01:31
chances are maybe you've done it more than once
where everything's going great with this girl the
00:01:37
kind of great where you're already thinking about
future plans and you're like telling your friends
00:01:42
that she's the one she's wifey material and it
seems pretty mutual you're getting texts from
00:01:47
her in the middle of the day she's like ditching
plans with her friends to hang out with you she's
00:01:52
touchy and feely and playful and unless you're
completely freaking delusional there's actually
00:01:58
chemistry there's actually a connection that
you're both feeling then suddenly almost out
00:02:03
of nowhere something shifts her quick long replies
become short one-word answers those can't wait to
00:02:11
see you messages that you were getting are like
"Now sorry i'm really busy this week." And just
00:02:17
that warmth right that flirtiness in her voice
there's just you can feel it fading it's just not
00:02:22
there there's just something different you can
feel it in your gut and if you've been in this
00:02:26
situation before you almost always know what's
about to happen before it actually happens we
00:02:32
have this sick sense and even if you don't want
to admit it you sense that she's slipping away
00:02:38
and you feel absolutely [ __ ] powerless to
stop it this is where most guys lose her for
00:02:44
good because what you do in this moment really
determines everything see what I've discovered
00:02:48
after years of not just coaching but like I said
making every mistake in the book is that when a
00:02:53
woman pulls away from you she's not necessarily
losing interest she's unconsciously running what
00:02:58
I call the pullaway test and once I understood
this everything changed not just for me but for
00:03:05
the thousands of guys that I've coached since so
let me explain what I mean i was working with this
00:03:08
guy James early 40s you know cool guy type of guy
that I would grab beer with you talk to him and
00:03:14
he comes across really confident and he's dating
this girl Tracy she's in her early 30s and after 2
00:03:19
months of dating they're kind of both talking like
they're imagining a future together then came as
00:03:25
uh James refers to it as the night tracy asked
James to come up with her to meet her friends for
00:03:31
the first time which was kind of a big deal right
and James is a little nervous because her and her
00:03:36
friends are like 13 years younger than him so he
gets there early and he wants to just make sure
00:03:41
that everything's perfect and 15 minutes pass when
she was supposed to show up and he sends a casual
00:03:49
"Hey I grabbed our table" text she doesn't respond
30 minutes go by her friends aren't showing up
00:03:55
either and he's sitting there at this table set
for five wondering if he's at like the right place
00:03:59
wondering what the freak is going on here and
in the pit of his stomach you know something is
00:04:04
starting to grow right so he calls her and it goes
straight to voicemail and that's when the spiral
00:04:09
starts you know maybe she was in an accident
maybe I said something wrong last time that we
00:04:15
talked and then he's always getting nervous right
do I leave will I look weird and desperate sitting
00:04:20
here like sipping my drink if her friend show up
without her and he's alternating between checking
00:04:25
his phone pretending to be reading emails like
we've all been in that state at some point i as
00:04:30
as he's telling me this I'm flashing back in my
mind so an hour in literally an hour of sitting
00:04:36
there waiting now quite frankly I would have told
him he should have left after 20 minutes of not
00:04:40
hearing from her 15 minutes of not hearing her but
after an hour he gets a single text sorry can't
00:04:45
make it things are a bit crazy right now just need
some space and in that moment his world stops and
00:04:51
what did James do next he did exactly what 99% of
guys do in this situation he made five critical
00:05:00
mistakes that turned a simple test into complete
destruction of the relationship but before I
00:05:04
show you these mistakes you need to understand
something kind of crucial so there are two games
00:05:09
happening simultaneously in every relationship
you've got the visible game that's everything that
00:05:15
you can see and then you've got the invisible
game and the invisible game is what's really
00:05:22
going on and most men are playing the visible
game they're only concentrating on the visible
00:05:28
game they're worried about sending the right texts
planning the perfect dates saying the right things
00:05:33
but women women are almost always playing
the invisible game women are always looking
00:05:39
below the surface my friend John Sin calls women
meaning makers because there's what's going on and
00:05:46
then there's the meaning that women are giving it
right and that meaning is the invisible game and
00:05:51
this invisible game comes down to one concept
it really comes down to this one concept and
00:05:56
I'm going to write it down how certain she is she
has you so how certain is she that she has you so
00:06:07
think about it when she's absolutely certain that
she has you when there's zero doubt in her mind
00:06:12
that you'll always be there always pursuing her
always trying to win her over that's exactly when
00:06:17
her attraction starts to fade and here's what's
interesting about this pullback test it's not
00:06:22
something she's consciously planning to do she's
not sitting there thinking "All right I'm going
00:06:27
to test him now." the unconscious pullback it's
pure instinct something in her mind just clicks
00:06:33
and it's sort of this feeling of like "Oh my god
I've got this guy i've got him all figured out i
00:06:38
know exactly what he's going to do next i know
exactly what he wants there's no mystery here."
00:06:43
And like a reflex almost like your hand pulling
away from a hot stove she starts to pull back she
00:06:49
may not even realize why she's doing it she might
tell herself that she really is busy or she really
00:06:54
does need time to think but deep down it's her
unconscious mind running this ancient programming
00:07:00
certainty equals loss of interest listen I've been
coaching guys like I said for 16 years and you got
00:07:04
to understand something as unique and personal
as this feels when you're going through it and
00:07:08
if you're going through it right now trust me
like I said I've been there i've seen thousands
00:07:12
of guys experience this exact situation it's
not random it's not just bad luck it's 100% a
00:07:17
pattern and it's predictable and at this point I
can tell a guy when it's going to happen before
00:07:21
it actually happens just from the way I see him
interacting with her and this pattern explains
00:07:26
why the perfect boyfriend very often gets dumped
why the nice guy gets friend-zoned why the sure
00:07:32
thing falls apart because in trying to make her
feel secure in your interest you're actually
00:07:37
killing the very uncertainty that creates desire
so keep in mind what I'm talking about here is
00:07:44
very much playing out early on in a relationship
but it does translate to later on and you want to
00:07:50
remember that certainty equals the death of
desire so there's a lot of reasons for this
00:07:56
and I'll explain them as we go through it but if
you think about the word desire the definition is
00:08:02
a strong feeling of wanting to have something or
wishing for something to happen desire is wanting
00:08:09
it's craving well when desire gets fulfilled too
quickly when you eliminate all doubt you eliminate
00:08:15
all attraction because there's nothing left to
crave so I've been reading a book called Atomic
00:08:21
Habits and he mentions something interesting in
the book he says "The sweet spot of desire occurs
00:08:27
at a 50/50 split between success and failure
half of the time you get what you want half
00:08:32
of the time you don't you need just enough winning
to experience satisfaction and just enough wanting
00:08:39
to experience desire and I think this applies
100% to dating so let's start by identifying the
00:08:44
most common mistakes that you got to avoid when a
woman is pulling back so mistake number one is the
00:08:51
desperation spiral and we've all been there this
is where a guy starts playing what I call defense
00:08:58
dating defense dating is trying to fix what isn't
broken so let me show you exactly how this plays
00:09:03
out the moment you sense her pulling back your
mind goes into overdrive maybe she doesn't know
00:09:07
how much I care about her maybe I need to show her
what she means to me maybe if I just explain how
00:09:12
I feel so what do you do you start playing the
visible game planning elaborate dates sending
00:09:19
longer more emotional messages trying to lock down
future plans buying unexpected gifts making grand
00:09:26
gestures right the visible game is what you do
the invisible game is what she feels but here's
00:09:33
the problem and I see this happen constantly with
the clients I work with every single one of these
00:09:38
actions they're screaming one message in the
invisible game i'm terrified of losing you and
00:09:43
that's the message right women are meaning makers
and when you're doing these things that invisible
00:09:48
game is saying I'm terrified of losing you and
here's why it sends such a desperate signal
00:09:53
because when a woman's pulling away putting
less effort in and you become more interested
00:09:59
more eager to please her what does that say about
your value about your options you're telling her
00:10:04
like "You can treat me like a backup plan and
cancel on me and send me one-word replies and
00:10:09
I'll just reward your bad behavior even more with
more interest i'm that desperate to win you over
00:10:14
i'm I'm not going to walk away right i have no
other options." That's that's the invisible thing
00:10:19
that's the message that that she's sending when
she's giving you less and less effort and you're
00:10:25
putting more and more effort in so let me give
you a perfect example of how this backfires i
00:10:29
had a client Mike and he had been dating this girl
for about 3 months and things were great until she
00:10:33
mentioned again needing space to focus on a big
work project now in the visible game Mike thought
00:10:39
I'll show her how supportive I am so he sent her
encouraging good morning texts and he had lunch
00:10:44
delivered to her office and he kept checking in
to see how she was doing and he made plans for
00:10:49
when her project was done they were going to go
out and celebrate and if you're listening to this
00:10:54
you might go that sounds thoughtful but in the
invisible game his actions were confirming her
00:10:59
unconscious feeling that she had him completely
figured out that there was no mystery left each
00:11:04
supportive gesture actually pushed her further
away this is why the desperation spiral is so
00:11:10
dangerous because the more you feel her pulling
away the harder you try to pull her back and the
00:11:15
harder you try to pull her back the more you
confirm her instinct to pull away it's why we
00:11:21
refer to this as being in emotional quicksand
you might have heard me say this right this
00:11:26
point where where you're emotional quicksand the
more you struggle the deeper you sink but here's
00:11:31
the good news in a minute I'm going to show you
exactly how to flip this dynamic and how to make
00:11:35
her start chasing you instead but first let's talk
about the second fatal mistake that you've likely
00:11:41
made that I've made that we've all made and I call
that one the confession puke so mistake number two
00:11:47
is the confession puke and this is where things
go from bad to worse see when she starts pulling
00:11:52
away there's this voice in your head that says
"She just doesn't understand how special she
00:11:57
is to me if she knew how I really felt I need to
show her I'm serious about her her I need space
00:12:04
you You dump more closeness on her you give her
less like breathing room it's like someone saying
00:12:10
they're full at dinner and your response is to
dump another plate of food on them so let me
00:12:14
show you how this plays out you're sitting there
1:00 a.m staring at your phone and you convince
00:12:18
yourself "This is it this is the moment to bear my
soul." So you craft this epic message you know the
00:12:23
one how you've never felt this way before how
you can see a future together how you're ready
00:12:27
to commit fully to her maybe even you drop the
L-word and here's the cruel irony she pulls back
00:12:33
she pulls back equals she needs uncertainty and
your response is giving her total certainty it's
00:12:41
like her unconscious mind saying "I need some
mystery here." And your response is to hand
00:12:45
her your entire emotional road map now I can laugh
about it but I'm guilty i've sent the big bouquet
00:12:50
of roses with the sappy note to her work and guess
what happened i got the that was so sweet text and
00:12:55
when I tried to parlay it into a meetup she was
busy that night why because at the exact moment
00:13:01
when she needed to feel some uncertainty about
me I basically threw a certainty grenade into her
00:13:06
lap but here's what most guys don't realize these
mistakes aren't really about the specific actions
00:13:11
you take they're about something much deeper the
invisible currency okay so the invisible currency
00:13:18
is emotional investment when a woman pulls away
she's not testing your ability to chase she's
00:13:23
testing your emotional stability your ability
to stay centered when the ground shifts beneath
00:13:29
you this is why confessing your feeling backfires
giving gifts make things worse it's why demanding
00:13:33
answers pushes her away you're showing her all
the cards in the invisible game now in a minute
00:13:39
I'm going to show you again how to recognize when
this test is happening how to handle it in a way
00:13:43
that builds attraction and turns the tables so she
starts chasing you but let's talk about the next
00:13:49
mistake so mistake number three I call buttth
hurt crumbch chasing and this one is almost
00:13:56
as painful to talk about because again I've been
guilty of this myself it starts with the surge of
00:14:01
pride oh yeah she wants space i'll show her space
two can play at this game let's see how she likes
00:14:08
being ignored so you go cold you don't text you
don't call you're giving her a taste of her own
00:14:12
medicine and for about 48 hours you feel pretty
good about yourself you're like man I'm [ __ ]
00:14:17
doing this until she posts a story on Instagram
or sends you that casual hey text or likes one of
00:14:24
your photos and just like that all the tough guy
act crumbles and you're jumping on your phone like
00:14:30
it's on fire hey stranger was just thinking about
you hey miss hanging out with you want to grab
00:14:35
coffee this week pride duration equaled 48 hours
desperation 48 seconds i remember this client Tom
00:14:43
he was playing hard ball hadn't responded to her
in 5 days and he's telling me how he's teaching
00:14:47
her a lesson then she sends him this reminded
me of you like text with a little meme not even
00:14:53
a personal message right a meme and what does Tom
do he writes back a paragraph about how he's been
00:14:59
meaning to reach out he suggests three different
days to meet and he even offers to drive to her
00:15:05
side of town all because a re of a recycled meme
that she probably sent five other guys here's
00:15:10
what's really happening in the invisible game when
you flip from ice cold to burning hot the second
00:15:16
she shows any interest you're telling her "I was
never really busy i was never really moving on i
00:15:21
was just sitting there waiting for any breadcrumb
from you that I could grasp." And in that moment
00:15:26
any power that you thought you had is gone because
you just showed her that all she needs to do is
00:15:32
throw you the smallest breadcrumb of attention and
you'll come running back even hungrier than before
00:15:38
this is why playing these hot and cold games
never work because you're not actually moving
00:15:41
forward you're not really in your power you're
just pretending and the second she tests that
00:15:46
pretense it falls apart and that brings us to
mistake number four so mistake number four is
00:15:52
the empty ultimatum this is again the tough love
message that isn't tough at all you know the one
00:15:57
look I need to know where this is going i can't
keep doing this back and forth if you don't want
00:16:01
this you just tell me because I'm not going to
sit around and wait but here's the thing and
00:16:06
this is crucial an ultimatum only works if you're
actually willing to walk away and let's be honest
00:16:12
you're still checking your phone every 20 minutes
you're still hoping that she'll text you're still
00:16:16
waiting around it's like threatening to leave a
restaurant but staying seated at the table all
00:16:20
you've done is shown her that you're desperate
enough to try emotional manipulation but you're
00:16:26
not actually strong enough to follow through and
guess what she can sense that weakness a mile away
00:16:30
because in the invisible game an empty ultimatum
is worse than no ultimatum at all and that leads
00:16:36
us to our final mistake so mistake number five is
the permission seeker and the apologizer this is
00:16:42
where you completely surrender your masculine cord
you start walking on eggshells is it okay if I
00:16:47
call you later maybe we can go grab coffee if you
want no pressure at all and then comes the apology
00:16:52
you start apologizing for things you didn't
even do sorry if I came on too strong sorry if
00:16:56
I misread things sorry for bothering you you're so
convinced that you must have done something wrong
00:17:01
that you're apologizing for [ __ ] that you don't
even know why and here's what's really happening
00:17:06
again in the invisible game every time you seek
permission every time you apologize for nothing
00:17:11
you're telling her "I don't trust myself around
you anymore i need your approval for every move
00:17:16
I make i'm afraid of making any decision." And
if you don't trust yourself how can you expect
00:17:21
her to trust you this is the final nail in the
attraction coffin now in a minute I'm going to
00:17:26
show you exactly how to flip this entire dynamic
how to move from seeking permission to commanding
00:17:31
attention from apologizing to attracting from
playing defense to playing to win but first you
00:17:36
know what's fascinating about this pullback test
it's actually trying to tell you something really
00:17:42
really important when a woman's pulling back it's
the wakeup call think of this like your body is
00:17:49
running a fever and the fever isn't the problem
it's your body's way of telling you something's
00:17:54
wrong when a woman pulls back she's not trying
to play games with you her unconscious mind is
00:17:59
sending you a signal hey something's off here the
real questions that you should be asking yourself
00:18:04
is have I become too predictable without realizing
it when's the last time I created a moment of real
00:18:11
tension am I still being playful or am I just
kind of going into this boring guy mode have I
00:18:17
stopped being seductive am I just existing in her
world or am I inviting her into my world most guys
00:18:24
miss these questions completely and instead of
seeing this moment right as a wakeup call as you
00:18:30
know valuable feedback they panic and they try
to fix the symptoms rather than the cause it's
00:18:36
like life is holding up a mirror and it's asking
is this really the kind of man you want to be and
00:18:41
you got to be honest with yourself when you see
that mirror because here's the truth if you're
00:18:45
being needy she feels it before you do if you're
being boring she feels it before you do if you've
00:18:51
lost that masculine edge she feels it before you
do this pullback moment it's not a test that you
00:18:58
need to pass it's a wakeup call you need to hear
and once you understand this everything changes
00:19:04
see most guys get this completely wrong they see
her pulling away as a problem to fix when it's
00:19:09
actually an opportunity to create attraction think
about this your world equals her movie when she
00:19:15
first met you you were like a movie she couldn't
wait to watch every scene was unpredictable every
00:19:20
moment held possibility she didn't know what
was going to happen she was on the edge of her
00:19:24
seat she was wondering you know what's going to
happen next but somewhere along the way you got
00:19:29
predictable and boring she figured out the ending
of the movie too soon and when she already knows
00:19:35
the ending she stops watching but have you ever
been watching a movie thinking that you had that
00:19:41
movie completely figured out and you're starting
to zone out and you're starting to lose attention
00:19:46
you know you're kind of checking your phone
and then suddenly boom something completely
00:19:50
unexpected happens the plot twist that you never
saw coming and just like that you're pulled right
00:19:56
back in sitting up straight phone you know you're
just staring fully engaged well when she expects
00:20:03
you to zigg you need to zag this is why everything
that you've been doing to get her attention back
00:20:09
isn't working when she pulls back she expects you
to chase when she's cold she expects you to get
00:20:15
needy when she's distant she expects you to panic
and every time you do exactly what she expects
00:20:20
you're just confirming why she started pulling
away in the first place but when you break that
00:20:24
pattern when you do the unexpected when you zigg
instead of zag that's when she starts thinking
00:20:29
"Wait I thought I had him figured out something's
different who is this guy?" And again this isn't
00:20:34
her consciously thinking these things it's a
feeling she has and that's when the movie gets
00:20:39
interesting again that's when she puts her phone
down and starts paying attention to your story
00:20:44
once more so there are three shifts you want
to immediately make once you see her pulling
00:20:49
back okay this is what you got to do shift one
from chase to challenge shift two from pressure
00:20:57
to mystery and shift three from reaction to
action and once you make these three shifts
00:21:04
something fascinating happens the same woman who
was pulling away starts wondering why you're so
00:21:09
different why she can't figure you out anymore why
she's suddenly thinking about you more now I have
00:21:13
a video that I've put a link to in the description
because this concept that I just said why she's
00:21:20
thinking about you more okay the challenge the
mystery and the action this whole idea is to get
00:21:26
her thinking about you more that's the key because
to turn it around it must feel like her idea
00:21:34
which means everything you do at this point
we talk about the visible and the invisible
00:21:39
everything must be under the radar it must be
invisible so that she finds yourself thinking
00:21:44
about you non-stop so in the video below I
walk you through a technique that I call the
00:21:49
scrambler and it's all about eliciting the chase
in her instead of the other way around and doing
00:21:54
it in the invisible way because most guys chase
women but women want to be the one chasing a man
00:21:59
it's in their instinct it's in their DNA they
don't want to be chased and guys think that by
00:22:04
chasing it's going to get them but by chasing
you're actually pushing her further away they
00:22:09
want to chase you they want the man they have to
chase how do you get a woman chasing you that's
00:22:14
what I talk about in the video below if you've
already made a mistake if you think you're you
00:22:18
know you're thinking "Well I've already done all
these five mistakes." Well here's the thing it's
00:22:22
not too late to fix things if you take the right
steps from here on out so just watch the video and
00:22:26
you'll get a much clearer understanding of the
invisible things that you should be doing right
00:22:32
now to not only stop her from pulling away and
not only stop women in the future from pulling
00:22:37
away because like I said this is a wakeup call
it means something you're doing is not working
00:22:41
and you want to recognize it so you don't make the
mistake next time but also to get this woman back
00:22:47
you have to do certain things and if you click
the link below and you watch the video I'm going
00:22:51
to explain what those things are now as always
if you found this video helpful hit the like
00:22:56
button let me know in the comments section what
was your biggest sort of epiphany listening to
00:23:01
this and if you made the mistakes that I've made
multiple multiple times let me know as well i love
00:23:07
uh commiserating over mistakes that I've made and
hearing your stories as well and more importantly
00:23:12
let me know what you'd like to see me cover
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