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we're going to talk about active
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listening skills so let's get into the
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details
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[Music]
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hey there i'm alex lyon and i actually
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have a one hour course on effective
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listening skills for leaders i will tell
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you more about that at the end of the
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video so listening is so important
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because good listening is probably the
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easiest way to connect with other people
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and build relationships active listening
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is the opposite of passive listening and
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you have probably experienced this the
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person you're talking to might
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technically be hearing some of what
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you're saying but they are tuned out
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they're on autopilot they're just not
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mentally engaged with what you're saying
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and as the
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speaker this can be very dissatisfying
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very discouraging
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when people really aren't paying
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attention to us like why am i even
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talking in the first place but active
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listening looks sounds and feels obvious
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active listening means listening
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completely
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but before anybody does that well there
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are two secrets two prerequisites to
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active listening number one you have to
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commit you have to put aside whatever
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else might be distracting you and make
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listening a real priority good listening
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is first and foremost a choice that you
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make every time somebody speaks number
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two it takes practice like any skill you
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have to work at it
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the good news is that listening is not
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mysterious or complicated so let's talk
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about four qualities of active listening
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that you can put into practice first
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active listening involves non-verbal
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communication and there are two sides to
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this on the one hand
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you're demonstrating that you're engaged
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in paying attention non-verbally you put
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your devices completely away you make
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eye contact your body posture is open
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and oriented toward the other person now
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on the other side you're also noticing
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the speaker's nonverbal cues there's an
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expression you listen with your eyes
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and part of that means you're noticing
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what's happening with the person
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visually
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on their mood or their emotion that
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they're showing do they look nervous
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frustrated annoyed you can pick up on
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that by actively observing their
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nonverbal communication second active
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listening involves verbal communication
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again there are two sides to this
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the most obvious part is asking good
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questions
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probably the most common pattern that
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good listeners demonstrate is that they
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ask a good question and then they let
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the speaker fully answer it like a good
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mental health therapist will ask
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thoughtful questions and then stop
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talking for a while and let the client
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speak honestly what we're paying for in
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many cases is just somebody to listen
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carefully to us
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so a good question
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is a huge part of the listening pie and
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the other part of verbal communication
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is those small utterances that show the
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other person that we're following them
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like i hear you yeah that makes sense
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sometimes it's not even full words it
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might just be
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those little utterances keep us engaged
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and show the other person that we're
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following third active listening
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involves responding to what somebody
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just said so the pattern goes like this
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you ask a question
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they respond for however long that takes
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and at the end of that talking term you
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give an informed response to them so
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let's say you just ask a person what
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they've been up to lately that's your
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question and in their talking turn they
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tell you that they have been doing
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diving lately so you actively listen for
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a while while they're talking at the end
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of their talking turn it's your turn
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again and this is where you show that
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you were actively following along and
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were interested in what they were saying
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and you can do this by reflecting back
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what you just heard you might say
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something like wow that sounds like an
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exciting sport that's really cool that
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you're doing that
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or you could ask another follow-up
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question i had no idea that you were
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into diving how did you first get into
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that
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of course you could do a little bit of
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both like i just did you could make an
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informed reflective statement and then
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ask a follow-up question the key is to
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respond to
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what they have just been saying
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what you don't want to do is just look
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at them blankly and not react when
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they're done talking and you've probably
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had somebody do this to you you tell
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them about part of your day or something
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about your life and they don't react
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they just have this stone face that's
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not active listening if you want a gold
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star for active listening then you have
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to respond to what they just said
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fourth keep the focus on them and let
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them talk now this one might seem
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obvious because you're listening but
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when you decide to go into that
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listening mode just make a decision
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that this is going to be all about the
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other person talking and not about you
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resist that temptation to jump in with
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your own story or to change the subject
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to your favorite topic
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keep your talking turns and questions
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concise
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and then stick to whatever topic they're
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interested in now eventually
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once they've done plenty of talking
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there will usually be an opportunity
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later in the conversation for you to
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share your experiences but my rule of
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thumb is to dedicate at least the first
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half of the conversation to pure active
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listening so i hope these four tips help
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you listen completely in your next
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conversation question of the day which
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one of these tips do you need the most
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work on
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i would love to read what you have to
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say below in that comment section and i
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do have two follow-up videos on
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listening coming soon on comprehensive
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listening and empathetic listening and
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i'll link to those in the description
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below once they are posted i also have a
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one hour course on effective listening
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skills for leaders
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you can find out more about that by
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following the link in the description
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below the video
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and you can find out all the details by
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following that link so thanks god bless
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and i'll see you in the next video