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covert narcissists are Masters of
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Disguise blending seamlessly into our
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lives while leaving a trail of emotional
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destruction their subtle manipulation
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tactics can be nearly impossible to
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detect that is until it's too late so in
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this video we're going to uncover seven
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conversational clues that reveal a
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covert narcissist's true nature these
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red flags are easy to miss if you don't
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know to look out for them so let's dive
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in with number one mixed messages mixed
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messages are going to be very difficult
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to detect with a covert narcissist early
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on especially if there's love bonding
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which there usually is so they might be
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very flattering with their words and
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they might stay in a conversation with
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you for a long time signaling that
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they're interested in you but if you're
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paying close attention you might notice
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that it's all smoke and mirrors you know
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when you're genuinely interested in
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someone you ask questions and you
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actually care about the answers so a
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covert narcissist might also ask tons of
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questions and even make future plans
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with you but their eyes glaze over when
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you're talking it's like they're there
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but they're not really there here are
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some examples so you can get a feel for
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what this might look like they not along
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to your stories but can't remember the
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details later they text frequently but
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always steer the conversation back to
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themselves
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they mirror your interests but something
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about it feels Hollow and to get even
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more confusing a covert narcissist may
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show intense interest in some things
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like your vulnerabilities for example so
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if someone gets too personal too soon
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and you're seeing evidence of other red
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flags in this same person it's probably
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best to bow out while you can because if
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you don't once you get to know them a
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little bit better those mixed messages
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start to
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intensify this is when you'll see things
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like ghosting and breadcrumbing and
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here's a helpful comment from one of you
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in the comment section on breadcrumbing
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I've been through the breadcrumbing
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thing I call it pulling a carrot in
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front of a horse it's on a string and no
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matter how hard you work to get it you
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never can so if you miss these early mix
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messages from a covert narcissist you're
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going to find yourself headed down a
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cycle of intermittent reinforcement
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which is a fancy way of saying their
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emot abusive sometimes and loving other
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times and this is exactly what leads to
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a trauma Bond so if you're feeling
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confused by someone's hot and cold
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Behavior especially early on pay
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attention it could be a sign you're
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dealing with a covert narcissist so for
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those of you who don't know me my name
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is Christina and I'm a narcissistic
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abuse recovery coach if you're watching
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this and it's hitting close to home I
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want you to know that things do get
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better and for those of you in the the
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thick of it right now I've just launched
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a brand new program specifically
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designed to help break trauma bonds and
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get your life back after narcissistic
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abuse so if you're ready to move forward
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check out the link in the description
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now let's move on to the next subtle
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clue you might be dealing with a covert
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narcissist the backhanded compliments so
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have you ever had someone say something
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that kind of sounded like a compliment
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but left you feeling I don't know kind
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of off that's the trademark move of a
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covert narcissist they're pros at
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slipping in little digs disguised as
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praise now here are a couple of
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examples wow you're so brave to wear
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that outfit with your body type or maybe
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you're pretty smart for someone from
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your background ouch right so at first
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you might think maybe they're just a
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little bit socially awkward and they
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don't know any better but here's the
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thing there's usually more to it than
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that you see most of the time covert
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narcissists are sec L stewing in their
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own jealousy and resentment they can't
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stand seeing others shine so they've got
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to knock you down a peg or two but they
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do it in this sneaky way that makes you
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question if you're just being too
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sensitive it's like they're testing the
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waters seeing how much of their BS
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you'll put up with and if you let these
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so-called compliments slide a narcissist
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is going to amp up the nastiness over
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time so the next time someone gives you
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a compliment that leaves you feeling
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kind of crummy take note it might not be
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you being overly sensitive it could be a
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red flag waving right in front of you
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compliments should make you feel good
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not leave you feeling like you've been
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slapped with a velvet glove and here's a
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great example of backhanded compliments
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from the comment section my ex-husband
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posted on social media how he was so
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relieved that our daughter got her looks
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from me and her brains from him all
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right so moving along now let's talk
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about the covert narcissist's favorite
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role the victim you'll see it stronger
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in some than others but these folks have
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a knack for turning normal things into a
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personal slight against them it's like
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they're starring in their own drama
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where the world is constantly out to get
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them you might hear the victim mentality
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in a bold way like nothing ever goes my
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way everyone's always taking advantage
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of me or I try so hard but no one
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appreciates it or it may come through in
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a more covert way so they won't outright
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say these things but you watch as they
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feel slided by your every word or action
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they can take one simple sentence and
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spin it into a narrative that someone is
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out to get them but of course they won't
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do this with you at first in the
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beginning look for signs that they're
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playing the victim in other areas of
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their life because here's the thing this
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victim act serves one of two purposes
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it's either a way to manipulate you into
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providing constant support and
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validation or it conveniently deflect
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any responsibility for their actions or
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failures onto someone else pay attention
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to how often they cast themselves as the
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wronged party do they always have a
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story about how they've been mistreated
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are they quick to blame others for their
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problems if so you might be dealing with
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a covert narcissist so if you're always
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playing the role of rescuer or comforter
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it might be time to step back and
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reassess the dynamic and here's a great
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question from one of you in the comments
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that I think is really important to
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answer here
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the question is could it be possible for
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someone to project a victim mentality
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and have narcissistic traits but be
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completely unaware that they're doing it
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because of past trauma so yes not
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everyone who has narcissistic Tendencies
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is a full-blown narcissist we all have
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defense mechanisms from past trauma that
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could be problematic to ourselves and
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our relationships the difference if
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you're dealing with someone who's highly
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narcissistic is that they're not willing
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to change they are able to a degree but
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that willingness has to come first and
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it usually doesn't and you don't want to
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find yourself stuck in a situation where
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you're wasting years of your life
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waiting for someone to be willing to
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stop acting in hurtful ways that's why
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it's so important to acknowledge these
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red flags early on so now let's talk
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about that gut feeling you get when
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something is just off you know that
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feeling when you meet someone and you
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can't quite put your finger on it but
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something just isn't quite right you
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might be tempted to write it off or feel
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sorry for them but always trust your gut
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at the very least when you're getting
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that feeling proceed with caution so
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maybe their charm feels a little too
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slick like they're laying it on thick
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for a reason or you might notice that
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their reactions to things are well just
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off especially in situations that call
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for emotional empathy you see covert
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narcissists struggle with genuine
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empathy and so they're usually faking it
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and sometimes it shows their responses
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might seem over-the-top dramatic or
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oddly
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underwhelming or maybe it just feels
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forced and awkward like they're reading
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from a how to show empathy handbook
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whatever it is that seems off don't
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brush it aside that little voice in your
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head saying huh that was strange it's
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worth listening to our instincts are
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really great at picking up on things
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that our conscious Minds Miss so if
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you're getting those something's not
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right here Vibes take note so it doesn't
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automatically mean that you're dealing
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with a covert narcissist but it's
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definitely a sign to pay closer
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attention and here's some great advice
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from the comment section intuition and
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trusting your gut are key you need to
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listen to your inner self and not
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overthink even if that person is not
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cluster B you need to walk if the
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chemistry is not there exiting a bad
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relationship is the hard part don't
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waste time on toxic people all right so
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now let's talk about gossip first for a
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second sadly most people do gossip
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sometimes but with covert narcissists
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it's a whole different ball game pay
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close attention to how they talk about
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people who are not in the room it can be
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pretty revealing you might notice that
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they're quick to tear down others often
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with a smile and you may notice that
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their criticism is Harsh and seems to
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come from a place of superiority like
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they're better than the other person and
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you also might see them sharing private
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information about someone else without a
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second thought with a covert n nist
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there's a pattern of making themselves
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look good at another person's expense
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and it might start subtle maybe they
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drop little comments like oh poor Sarah
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she tries so hard but you know or they
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might share juicy secrets that aren't
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Theirs to tell and here's the kicker if
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they're trash talking others to you
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chances are they're doing the same about
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you when you're not around it's not just
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harmless chatter it's a way for them to
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feel Superior and control narratives and
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watch out how they frame these
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conversations too they might act like
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they're confiding in you creating a
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false sense of intimacy but really
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they're just stirring the pot so if
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you're constantly hearing negativity
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about others from them take it as a
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major red flag it's just a matter of
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time before you become the topic of
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their next gossip session and here's an
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interesting comment on Gossip that I
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think a lot of you will relate to my ex
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does this gossip style like I don't want
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to talk about this person and then
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proceeded to trash talk to manipulate
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opinions the fake humility and oh I'm
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just like you once you realize it's so
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disgusting and Insidious and so I don't
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know if any of you remember this but
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this comment reminds me of that old
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character Bita from In Living Color I
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Ain want to gossip but yeah this comment
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sums up the fake humility while tearing
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other people down quite 12 so now let's
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talk about how covert narcissists act
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when someone dares to disagree with them
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it's like watching a master class on
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deflection and defensiveness so you
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might notice they shut down
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conversations pretty quickly if they're
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not going their way suddenly they're
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experts on topics they knew nothing
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about 5 minutes ago and maybe they'll
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twist your words and use them out of
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context to make you look bad not maybe I
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think they actually always do this and
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of course through it all their tone is
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probably going to shift too becoming
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super condescending or even hostile it
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could something like well actually
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followed by an insanely long lecture or
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let's not argue about this you're
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clearly upset when you're perfectly calm
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so here's the thing healthy people can
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disagree and they can handle
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disagreement they might not like it but
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they can engage in a respectful back and
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forth covert narcissists not so much for
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them disagreement feels like a personal
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attack their fragile ego can't handle
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the idea that they might be wrong or
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that someone else might know more so
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they lash out shut down or try to make
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you feel small for daring to have a
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different opinion so watch out for this
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pattern if you find yourself constantly
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walking on eggshells afraid to express a
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different view it might be time to
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reassess that relationship it's okay to
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disagree sometimes what's not okay is
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feeling belittled or dismissed every
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time you do and now here's another thing
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to look out for and this might seem
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subtle at first so let's talk about how
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a covert narcissist will push your
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boundaries in conversation a covert
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narcissist might test your limits in
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ways you barely notice at first it might
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sound something like come on just one
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more drink don't be boring or why won't
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you tell me we're friends aren't we
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they're Masters at making you feel
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guilty for having limits so you might
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find yourself sharing more than you're
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comfortable with or agreeing things that
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you'd rather not do pay attention to how
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you feel during these exchanges if
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you're getting that knot in your stomach
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or a spike of irritation or resentment
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your internal alarm system is trying to
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tell you something that resentment
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building up inside it's a clear sign
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that your boundaries are under attack
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because here's the thing healthy
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relationships respect boundaries so if
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you're constantly feeling pressured or
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guilty in conversations it's time take a
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step back and re-evaluate it's okay to
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say no it's okay to keep things to
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yourself and it's definitely okay to
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walk away from conversations that make
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you feel uncomfortable and if you want
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to learn more about setting boundaries
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with a narcissist click the video that's
00:13:44
about to pop up on the screen to learn
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10 boundaries you need to set with a
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narcissist and if you haven't already be
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sure to hit that like button before you
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go and I'll see you next time
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