17 Pieces of Texting Advice That Lead to Commitment

00:24:57
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2PaKaVSAA8

Ringkasan

TLDRThe video provides insights into effective texting strategies for dating, highlighting the importance of meaningful communication and maintaining momentum in relationships. It outlines common texting mistakes, such as playing games with response times and being too passive. The speaker emphasizes the need to reveal more about oneself and to vary communication methods to keep conversations engaging. Specific examples of texts are provided to enhance connection and attraction. The video also introduces a program called 'momentum texts' that offers a collection of text messages designed to help individuals navigate the early stages of dating and maintain engagement.

Takeaways

  • 📱 Send meaningful messages to create connection.
  • ⏳ Avoid playing games with response times.
  • 🎨 Use different communication mediums to keep it fresh.
  • 💬 Reveal more about yourself to foster deeper connections.
  • 🚀 Be graciously impatient when seeking progress.
  • 🎉 Introduce playful challenges to encourage investment.
  • 📸 Share personal details to paint a three-dimensional picture.
  • 🗣️ Use voice memos or pictures to break the texting pattern.
  • 💖 Compliment specifically to show confidence and interest.
  • 🕒 Shorten time frames in conversations for familiarity.

Garis waktu

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The video discusses effective texting strategies to enhance communication in dating. It emphasizes the importance of sending meaningful messages that capture attention and create a connection, such as expressing a craving for conversation or playfully asking about plans. These approaches help to break the ice and establish a more engaging dialogue.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    It highlights common texting mistakes, such as playing games with response times and sticking rigidly to text as the only form of communication. Instead, it suggests varying communication methods, like sending pictures or voice memos, to keep the conversation fresh and lively, thereby maintaining interest and momentum.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The video also addresses the need for versatility in energy during conversations, encouraging individuals to show different sides of their personality. It stresses the importance of sharing personal stories to create a deeper connection, rather than just discussing surface-level activities, which can lead to more meaningful interactions.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:24:57

    Lastly, it introduces a texting program designed to help individuals maintain momentum in their dating lives. This program offers a variety of text messages tailored to different stages of dating, aiming to facilitate progression from casual conversations to deeper relationships.

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Peta Pikiran

Video Tanya Jawab

  • What are some effective texting strategies for dating?

    Use meaningful messages, avoid playing games with response times, and vary your communication methods.

  • What is the 'momentum texts' program?

    It's a program that provides 67 specific text messages to help maintain momentum in dating.

  • How can I make my texts more engaging?

    Add personal details, use different communication mediums, and reveal more about yourself.

  • What should I do if someone is texting too slowly?

    Be graciously impatient and ask them directly about your interest in moving forward.

  • How can I create a deeper connection through texting?

    Share personal stories and ask open-ended questions that invite vulnerability.

  • What is 'gracious impatience'?

    It's being politely upfront about what you want in a relationship without being aggressive.

  • How can I break the texting pattern?

    Use voice memos, pictures, or GIFs to inject new energy into the conversation.

  • Why is it important to reveal more about myself in texts?

    It helps the other person see you as a three-dimensional individual, fostering deeper connections.

  • What should I do if a conversation feels stagnant?

    Introduce playful challenges or questions to encourage the other person to invest more.

  • How can I ask someone out without seeming too forward?

    Use playful language and create a sense of urgency or intrigue in your message.

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Gulir Otomatis:
  • 00:00:00
    number one you send him a message that
  • 00:00:02
    says I'm craving our
  • 00:00:04
    conversation here's what this message
  • 00:00:06
    does you've snuck into his day and
  • 00:00:10
    jolted him out of whatever he's doing
  • 00:00:12
    right now to bring him into the moment
  • 00:00:14
    with you it wasn't Small Talk hey how
  • 00:00:16
    you doing what you up to how's your day
  • 00:00:18
    going you just jumped straight into
  • 00:00:20
    something meaningful and you've paid a
  • 00:00:22
    unique compliment to the dynamic you
  • 00:00:24
    have with him number
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    two why haven't you asked me to see the
  • 00:00:28
    new Blade Runner yet this message is
  • 00:00:32
    adorably demanding in a playful way it's
  • 00:00:35
    vulnerable on one hand you know you are
  • 00:00:37
    saying I want to do this with you it's
  • 00:00:40
    also slightly unreasonable because he
  • 00:00:42
    didn't even necessarily know that you
  • 00:00:43
    wanted to see that film in fact I would
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    say this message works better if he
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    didn't even know you wanted to do that
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    thing and you're being upfront about
  • 00:00:52
    what you want you're putting the ball in
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    his court and saying hey
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    mister invite me on this date please
  • 00:01:00
    mistake number one playing games about
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    when to text back now let's say monkey
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    receives a
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    text huh it's from George but instead of
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    texting George back and having a
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    conversation monkey thinks no I am going
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    to
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    wait and George is going to see how busy
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    I am how important I am and how
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    attractive I am but the problem is
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    George is by his phone right now she
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    could have had a message with him and
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    carried on the momentum and ridden that
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    wave instead she waited 5 or 6 hours to
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    text back George Who incidentally was no
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    longer curious now look I'm not saying
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    that when someone texts you you should
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    always be by your phone waiting to text
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    them back but if someone happens to text
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    you in a moment where you're not doing
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    anything and it's organic to reply to
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    them right away why not use the momentum
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    of that moment and have a conversation
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    if 5 10 minutes later you need to go
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    that's fine that's where you can be busy
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    in an authentic way but don't play games
  • 00:02:07
    of making someone wait just to look cool
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    number two obsessively sticking to text
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    as the form of communication I think of
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    different mediums whether they're texts
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    pictures voice memos phone calls
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    facetimes all is having a kind of energy
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    bar and the more you do them the more
  • 00:02:29
    that energy bar gets depleted and we
  • 00:02:32
    start to get diminishing returns from
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    that thing if we over text doesn't
  • 00:02:36
    matter how quirky or fun or witty we are
  • 00:02:39
    by text it begins to wear thin and most
  • 00:02:42
    people have had that experience it's
  • 00:02:44
    like okay I need a different stimuli now
  • 00:02:47
    I need something else that's when it
  • 00:02:49
    pays to send someone a picture and just
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    say you know the view from where I am
  • 00:02:54
    right now if you happen to be looking
  • 00:02:55
    out on a beautiful view or if you happen
  • 00:02:58
    to be sitting in bed with a dessert in
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    front of you in front of the TV take a
  • 00:03:02
    picture of the dessert and be like the
  • 00:03:04
    view from where I am right now check out
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    my view right
  • 00:03:08
    now in that moment you're changing up
  • 00:03:12
    the medium the same can be done with a
  • 00:03:14
    voice memo in the middle of a text
  • 00:03:16
    conversation when you feel like it's
  • 00:03:17
    getting a little dry send someone a
  • 00:03:19
    voice memo instead if they're teasing
  • 00:03:21
    you shake it up by sending a voice memo
  • 00:03:24
    back saying you're so mean it's cute
  • 00:03:27
    it's playful but it's a pattern break
  • 00:03:31
    that suddenly injects new life into the
  • 00:03:33
    conversation because the energy bar of
  • 00:03:36
    voice is not depleted in the way that
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    your texting has mistake number three
  • 00:03:41
    being one no what gets someone really
  • 00:03:44
    attracted to us is not when we're one
  • 00:03:47
    energy but when we're able to be
  • 00:03:48
    versatile between different energies if
  • 00:03:51
    you find yourself always being very
  • 00:03:53
    polite and sweet today be a little bossy
  • 00:03:56
    say to someone are you going to call me
  • 00:03:57
    tonight or what if you find yourself
  • 00:03:59
    sending lots of nice friendly messages
  • 00:04:01
    to someone amp up the sexual tension
  • 00:04:04
    today tell them you look really hot in
  • 00:04:06
    that picture you posted today those are
  • 00:04:08
    things that show that you can be many
  • 00:04:11
    things so think of the energy you
  • 00:04:13
    normally have the one you're most
  • 00:04:15
    comfortable with and do the inverse of
  • 00:04:18
    that today mistake number four talking
  • 00:04:20
    about everything except yourself people
  • 00:04:24
    truly fall for you when they hear your
  • 00:04:26
    story because your story is what makes
  • 00:04:29
    you different from from everybody else
  • 00:04:31
    so the next time you have a conversation
  • 00:04:33
    with someone ask yourself this am I only
  • 00:04:36
    describing here what I've been doing or
  • 00:04:39
    am I actually revealing who I am and
  • 00:04:43
    what I'm thinking about here's an
  • 00:04:45
    example because I know this sounds a
  • 00:04:46
    little abstract if someone asked you
  • 00:04:48
    what did you do last night you say I
  • 00:04:50
    cooked ribs for the first time last
  • 00:04:52
    night now that's not a bad text it's
  • 00:04:54
    still a conversation starter but it's
  • 00:04:57
    still only talking about what you did
  • 00:05:00
    what we want to do is add on to that a
  • 00:05:01
    bit about who you are if you wanted to
  • 00:05:04
    do even better than that in telling your
  • 00:05:06
    story you could say I made ribs for the
  • 00:05:09
    first time for my family last night I'm
  • 00:05:11
    a little late to this cooking thing to
  • 00:05:12
    be honest but I'm actually really
  • 00:05:14
    enjoying learning about it now someone
  • 00:05:16
    sees a hint of vulnerability what you're
  • 00:05:19
    learning about right now and how you
  • 00:05:20
    feel about it mistake number five being
  • 00:05:24
    too passive almost everybody has had the
  • 00:05:27
    experience of something moving
  • 00:05:30
    way too slowly of someone who keeps
  • 00:05:33
    drifting back and forth giving you kind
  • 00:05:36
    of mixed signals they're not asking you
  • 00:05:39
    out but they do keep reaching out by
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    text you don't know where it's going it
  • 00:05:43
    feels totally ambiguous this is where I
  • 00:05:45
    like to apply what I call gracious
  • 00:05:49
    impatience which means warmly politely
  • 00:05:53
    being more upfront about what you
  • 00:05:56
    actually want so let's say monkey wants
  • 00:05:59
    to progress things with George now
  • 00:06:01
    they've been texting back and forth for
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    a few weeks but it seems like the
  • 00:06:05
    momentum isn't carrying them to the next
  • 00:06:08
    stage why doesn't he ask me out on a
  • 00:06:10
    date why didn't he at least pick up the
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    phone here I am just texting away what
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    am I going to text myself into an early
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    shallow monkey
  • 00:06:20
    grave sorry well the passive response
  • 00:06:23
    would be to be texting George and to be
  • 00:06:26
    like yes like I think that is true as
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    well George bye George we'll do the same
  • 00:06:33
    thing again tomorrow or monkey can be
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    graciously
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    impatient the next time George messages
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    her she can say h yeah that's a real
  • 00:06:45
    funny joke George you're a real funny
  • 00:06:47
    guy there so anyway mister are you
  • 00:06:49
    actually going to ask me out or can I
  • 00:06:51
    just expect to house your week for the
  • 00:06:53
    rest of my life now I know this sounds
  • 00:06:55
    like a simple message but there is a lot
  • 00:06:58
    that is right with this message message
  • 00:06:59
    when you say so Mister there's a little
  • 00:07:02
    bit of an authoritative but almost sexy
  • 00:07:05
    tone to that you're being demanding
  • 00:07:07
    you're being a little bossy then you
  • 00:07:09
    give the standard are you going to ask
  • 00:07:12
    me out that's what you want you're
  • 00:07:13
    actually saying what you want or can I
  • 00:07:17
    just expect a house your week for the
  • 00:07:20
    rest of my life that's you being
  • 00:07:21
    intentionally hyperbolic and dramatic to
  • 00:07:25
    create a playfulness around something
  • 00:07:27
    that you're also kind of not playing
  • 00:07:28
    about people never get any momentum they
  • 00:07:32
    don't get from a first conversation to a
  • 00:07:34
    FaceTime or an actual date or they don't
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    get from date one to date two or they
  • 00:07:40
    had momentum and they lost it and they
  • 00:07:42
    don't know how to get it back again with
  • 00:07:43
    that person I wanted to create something
  • 00:07:45
    that showed people how to get momentum
  • 00:07:49
    in the early stages of dating someone
  • 00:07:51
    and then keep it so that it actually
  • 00:07:54
    turned into a relationship and the way
  • 00:07:56
    that I've chosen to do that is to create
  • 00:07:59
    a texting program that shows you I think
  • 00:08:02
    there's like 60 or 70 different text
  • 00:08:05
    messages in the program that you can use
  • 00:08:08
    to create to sustain or to regain
  • 00:08:12
    momentum with the person you're dating
  • 00:08:15
    and I did something even more unique
  • 00:08:17
    because I created a numbering system
  • 00:08:20
    whereby it went from one to five number
  • 00:08:22
    one being you just met this person very
  • 00:08:25
    first message and number five being you
  • 00:08:28
    actually feel seriously about this
  • 00:08:30
    person and I assigned each one of the
  • 00:08:33
    text messages I give you in the program
  • 00:08:34
    a number so that you know when to send
  • 00:08:36
    the message and when not to send the
  • 00:08:38
    message so I've called it the momentum
  • 00:08:40
    texts I'm very proud of it it's like a
  • 00:08:42
    cool little program it's not a big
  • 00:08:44
    program it's really quick to digest it's
  • 00:08:47
    the price of two Lattes or one and a
  • 00:08:50
    half lattes if you live in Los Angeles
  • 00:08:53
    between one and a half and two lates
  • 00:08:56
    depending on where you get your lates go
  • 00:08:58
    check it out I'll see you there recently
  • 00:09:01
    I was coaching a woman who showed me a
  • 00:09:03
    text exchange with someone she had met
  • 00:09:05
    on an app The Exchange went like this hm
  • 00:09:08
    are you just a flirt or is there more to
  • 00:09:10
    you he said are you just a Debbie Downer
  • 00:09:14
    or more to you she said you have to be
  • 00:09:16
    more than a flirt to find out he said
  • 00:09:19
    you're a lot to deal with although that
  • 00:09:22
    guy sounds like kind of a jerk and
  • 00:09:24
    probably not someone she wants the
  • 00:09:26
    attention of there is something that she
  • 00:09:28
    said that I wanted to pick up on she
  • 00:09:29
    said hm are you just a flirt or is there
  • 00:09:31
    more to you now the problem I have with
  • 00:09:33
    that is the intention is good what she
  • 00:09:35
    wants to see is if this exchange can
  • 00:09:38
    become more than a flirtatious or
  • 00:09:40
    perhaps even a sexual interaction and
  • 00:09:43
    become a deeper connection I believe the
  • 00:09:45
    best way to do that is not to ask is
  • 00:09:47
    there more to you but to show there's
  • 00:09:49
    more to you because when you've reveal
  • 00:09:52
    more about yourself what you're really
  • 00:09:53
    saying to someone is here's me can you
  • 00:09:57
    be that two I'll give you an example
  • 00:10:01
    let's say a guy texted a woman and said
  • 00:10:03
    what are you up to now she could just
  • 00:10:05
    give a plain response oh with my family
  • 00:10:08
    right now what's going on with you or
  • 00:10:10
    she could see this very simple question
  • 00:10:13
    as a way to tell her story and reveal
  • 00:10:16
    more about herself so he says what are
  • 00:10:18
    you up to she says I'm building a desk
  • 00:10:21
    from Ikea with my dad and my sister and
  • 00:10:23
    none of us seem to be able to do it so
  • 00:10:26
    we're just rolling around on the floor
  • 00:10:27
    laughing instead
  • 00:10:31
    now when that woman says that she's
  • 00:10:32
    revealing a lot about herself she's a
  • 00:10:35
    family person she has an adorable
  • 00:10:37
    affectionate relationship with those
  • 00:10:39
    members of her family in this case her
  • 00:10:41
    dad and her
  • 00:10:44
    sister she's self-deprecating and can
  • 00:10:48
    laugh at herself in a situation all of
  • 00:10:50
    that is telling her story now that does
  • 00:10:53
    something very subtle it shows her in
  • 00:10:56
    three dimensions and the effect it has
  • 00:10:59
    is that it invites him to either show
  • 00:11:02
    himself in three dimensions by getting
  • 00:11:04
    vulnerable in return and revealing more
  • 00:11:06
    about his life or at the very least it
  • 00:11:09
    invites him to recognize her in three
  • 00:11:13
    dimensions to see her as a more rounded
  • 00:11:15
    real human being to invest in now if at
  • 00:11:19
    this point he doesn't do either of those
  • 00:11:20
    two things and instead he just says so
  • 00:11:24
    what are you uh wearing while you're
  • 00:11:27
    making the desk he's showing that he is
  • 00:11:29
    either completely onedimensional or that
  • 00:11:32
    his intentions are completely
  • 00:11:34
    onedimensional you learn more by
  • 00:11:37
    revealing your own self and your own
  • 00:11:40
    story than you do by asking someone to
  • 00:11:43
    reveal theirs because everything is
  • 00:11:46
    shown in their reaction to you opening
  • 00:11:50
    up number one add a human detail to your
  • 00:11:54
    text messages is one thing for someone
  • 00:11:55
    to say how's your day going and you say
  • 00:11:57
    it's going well thanks how how's yours
  • 00:11:59
    it's another thing to say it's going
  • 00:12:01
    well I'm about to go on a run that gives
  • 00:12:04
    someone a detail something they can
  • 00:12:05
    craft a conversation out of or you could
  • 00:12:08
    go one step further and say it's going
  • 00:12:10
    well thanks I'm about to go on a run I'm
  • 00:12:11
    dragging my little brother with me that
  • 00:12:14
    now gives them a human detail on top of
  • 00:12:16
    it something that paints a more
  • 00:12:18
    three-dimensional picture of you in a
  • 00:12:21
    world that is 2D we have to make
  • 00:12:23
    ourselves threedimensional
  • 00:12:27
    number number two I'm calling this
  • 00:12:30
    principle shorten the time frame if
  • 00:12:32
    you're talking to someone on a Monday
  • 00:12:34
    and they happen to be leaving the
  • 00:12:35
    conversation to go into a meeting don't
  • 00:12:37
    finish that little chapter of the
  • 00:12:40
    conversation by saying have a great week
  • 00:12:43
    say have a great meeting have a great
  • 00:12:46
    meeting is an interesting phrase or if
  • 00:12:48
    you say have a great workout or have a
  • 00:12:50
    great whatever they're doing right now
  • 00:12:52
    because it's something you send to
  • 00:12:54
    someone you actually know you may have
  • 00:12:56
    only met this person yesterday but when
  • 00:12:58
    you say have a great meeting there's
  • 00:13:00
    something familiar about that there's
  • 00:13:01
    something personal about that there's
  • 00:13:03
    something that recognizes what they're
  • 00:13:05
    doing right now and it also makes it
  • 00:13:07
    easier to pick up the conversation by
  • 00:13:10
    them telling you how the meeting went or
  • 00:13:11
    by you asking how did the meeting go
  • 00:13:14
    have a great week says I'll talk to you
  • 00:13:16
    next week have a great meeting says
  • 00:13:18
    we'll talk later
  • 00:13:20
    today number three create a shared
  • 00:13:23
    reference together if someone tells you
  • 00:13:25
    something like their favorite TV show is
  • 00:13:28
    Ted lasso in a matter of minutes your
  • 00:13:30
    relationship dilemma will be in the past
  • 00:13:33
    then the next time you have a moment of
  • 00:13:35
    banter fun conversation find a gif that
  • 00:13:39
    fits what you're talking about from Ted
  • 00:13:41
    lasso that's a joke I love it that then
  • 00:13:44
    creates this moment of a I know you a
  • 00:13:47
    little bit B I was listening and C we
  • 00:13:50
    have we now have a shared reference
  • 00:13:52
    together something that builds our
  • 00:13:56
    story side note when you send a GIF or
  • 00:14:00
    GIF Harry it's a form of pattern break
  • 00:14:03
    in a conversation so it's been text text
  • 00:14:05
    text text text and then this GIF comes
  • 00:14:07
    through and it's just like this little
  • 00:14:09
    moment of Animation it doesn't have to
  • 00:14:10
    be a gif you could be a voice note it
  • 00:14:12
    could be a picture but when you do
  • 00:14:14
    something like that it's a pattern break
  • 00:14:17
    that grabs someone's
  • 00:14:20
    attention the Intrigue compliment give
  • 00:14:24
    someone a compliment that's specific but
  • 00:14:26
    begin it with this phrase do you know
  • 00:14:29
    what I like about you first you're
  • 00:14:32
    signaling that something interesting is
  • 00:14:34
    coming how do I know it's interesting
  • 00:14:35
    because it's about them and that's the
  • 00:14:37
    most interesting subject in the world to
  • 00:14:38
    that person right so do you do you know
  • 00:14:41
    what I like about you pause right you
  • 00:14:44
    can even not put it in that message just
  • 00:14:46
    put one message you could do this in
  • 00:14:48
    conversation too and just take a beat
  • 00:14:49
    but in text you say do you know what I
  • 00:14:51
    like about you and then you can wait for
  • 00:14:53
    them to respond or just take a few
  • 00:14:55
    seconds or a minute and then send the
  • 00:14:57
    next part that creates this moment of
  • 00:15:00
    suspense Intrigue curiosity and it then
  • 00:15:03
    allows you to give a specific compliment
  • 00:15:05
    that shows not only a generous nature
  • 00:15:08
    but it also shows confidence because
  • 00:15:11
    you're confident enough to actually
  • 00:15:13
    embrace and speak out loud about
  • 00:15:15
    something specific you like about
  • 00:15:17
    another
  • 00:15:18
    person number six the accelerator text
  • 00:15:22
    the idea behind this message is just to
  • 00:15:24
    keep things
  • 00:15:26
    moving we have to have an unwilling to
  • 00:15:29
    stand still an unwillingness to be in a
  • 00:15:32
    situation where there is no momentum and
  • 00:15:35
    that means if you keep getting texts
  • 00:15:37
    from someone that don't go anywhere
  • 00:15:38
    someone keeps sending you superficial
  • 00:15:40
    details of their day or what they're up
  • 00:15:41
    to or asking how you are but it never
  • 00:15:44
    culminates in a date you have to have a
  • 00:15:47
    low tolerance for things that don't go
  • 00:15:50
    anywhere so I mean we had this example
  • 00:15:53
    Steven who's in the back hey Steve we
  • 00:15:55
    had this example a week ago where
  • 00:15:57
    someone said this guy he'll literally
  • 00:15:59
    text me and he'll tell me he's making
  • 00:16:01
    soup but he never asks me on a date but
  • 00:16:03
    he's the one who proactively texts me so
  • 00:16:06
    here's what you do you ask him what soup
  • 00:16:07
    he's making he says chicken soup you
  • 00:16:10
    then say you know what's even more fun
  • 00:16:12
    than chicken soup chicken soup on a date
  • 00:16:16
    and you see what he says to that that's
  • 00:16:19
    you calling him out for the fact that he
  • 00:16:20
    hasn't asked you on a date it's give is
  • 00:16:23
    firmly putting the ball in his court and
  • 00:16:25
    saying your turn that may be playful
  • 00:16:28
    it's not aggressive but it shows an
  • 00:16:31
    unwillingness to ignore the fact that
  • 00:16:33
    right now this isn't progressing you've
  • 00:16:36
    just crossed over
  • 00:16:38
    into a Twilight
  • 00:16:41
    phone Our Story begins with a friend of
  • 00:16:44
    mine who met a guy on a Friday night
  • 00:16:47
    what you are about to see is a real text
  • 00:16:50
    exchange between her and this man that
  • 00:16:54
    started on
  • 00:16:56
    Sunday he sent her a message saying
  • 00:16:59
    great meeting you she then said you two
  • 00:17:02
    how's your Sunday been pretty decent
  • 00:17:04
    start right except for the fact that he
  • 00:17:08
    didn't reply
  • 00:17:12
    until well Tuesday has been great upside
  • 00:17:16
    down face how's your week been so far
  • 00:17:19
    she then
  • 00:17:20
    replies you are pray at Grandpa esque
  • 00:17:24
    texting speeds now I actually like this
  • 00:17:26
    message I like the fact that she's
  • 00:17:28
    calling him out on how slow he is at
  • 00:17:30
    texting what I don't like is the little
  • 00:17:33
    ahaha where she softens the blow in the
  • 00:17:36
    beginning I kind of want her to just say
  • 00:17:39
    it without even worrying about offending
  • 00:17:41
    him in this moment she then says this
  • 00:17:44
    really good week about to get really
  • 00:17:47
    crazy though now I would have been happy
  • 00:17:49
    if she just left it there I know she's
  • 00:17:50
    not asking him a question and that might
  • 00:17:52
    seem like the polite thing to do but
  • 00:17:54
    this isn't about politeness it's about
  • 00:17:56
    attraction and in this moment he might
  • 00:17:59
    have just been messaging her because
  • 00:18:01
    he's bored to prove that he's not just
  • 00:18:04
    bored she should allow him to do a
  • 00:18:06
    little more work instead here's where it
  • 00:18:09
    goes wrong which is why tomorrow I could
  • 00:18:12
    do with getting a happy hour drink with
  • 00:18:14
    a handsome gentleman 700 p.m. is here
  • 00:18:18
    she does all his work for him now you
  • 00:18:22
    guys if you know My Philosophy no I
  • 00:18:23
    don't have a problem with a woman asking
  • 00:18:25
    a guy on a date but in this scenario he
  • 00:18:27
    has not learned this all he's done is
  • 00:18:30
    send a low investment message so I wish
  • 00:18:33
    that she'd allowed him to get himself to
  • 00:18:36
    that point instead of rushing to arrange
  • 00:18:38
    a date tomorrow night based on two
  • 00:18:40
    messages and here's how you know she
  • 00:18:42
    went wrong he didn't text her back on
  • 00:18:44
    Tuesday he didn't even text her back on
  • 00:18:47
    Wednesday he didn't even text her back
  • 00:18:49
    on Thursday he didn't text
  • 00:18:52
    her
  • 00:18:56
    until and do you want to know what he
  • 00:18:58
    said
  • 00:19:07
    Grandpa Emoji now the fact that he sent
  • 00:19:09
    this Emoji of this poor old man doesn't
  • 00:19:13
    make him a bad guy it just makes him a
  • 00:19:15
    guy who's not trying very hard right now
  • 00:19:18
    and as you know I'm always encouraging
  • 00:19:20
    women to give investment to men who are
  • 00:19:23
    investing in them and to her credit
  • 00:19:26
    knowing what I would advise her to do in
  • 00:19:28
    such a situation my friend didn't reply
  • 00:19:32
    which brings us
  • 00:19:34
    to now it's almost as though between the
  • 00:19:36
    Friday and the Tuesday he realized uh-oh
  • 00:19:39
    I may have screwed this up so he gives
  • 00:19:41
    his reasons for not texting back quickly
  • 00:19:43
    enough I mean it's just that my Wi-Fi is
  • 00:19:45
    slow my phone wasn't working I dropped
  • 00:19:48
    it and it was dunzo last week was a
  • 00:19:50
    crazy busy week and also I'm really slow
  • 00:19:52
    when it comes to texting now this is
  • 00:19:54
    where my friend came to Me 2 hours after
  • 00:19:57
    she had received that message she said
  • 00:19:59
    what do I text back to this guy now my
  • 00:20:01
    first question was do you actually want
  • 00:20:03
    to see this person again to which her
  • 00:20:05
    reply was yes now for those of you
  • 00:20:08
    watching out there who say I wouldn't
  • 00:20:09
    want to see him again fine that would be
  • 00:20:11
    your decision for her she did want to
  • 00:20:13
    see him again so I said give me the
  • 00:20:16
    phone she passed me the phone I wrote
  • 00:20:18
    out a message and hit send and it was a
  • 00:20:21
    very different message than the one she
  • 00:20:24
    would have sent all good have a great
  • 00:20:27
    week now why did I send this because in
  • 00:20:30
    this moment he's expecting to give a
  • 00:20:32
    bunch of excuses and for her to take all
  • 00:20:36
    of that rationale on and say oh it's
  • 00:20:39
    okay no worries how's your week going do
  • 00:20:41
    you want to do something tomorrow night
  • 00:20:43
    at 7:00 he's expecting attention she
  • 00:20:46
    doesn't give him attention what she says
  • 00:20:48
    instead is that's all good and by the
  • 00:20:51
    way I'm not going to get into this with
  • 00:20:53
    you because why would I right you have
  • 00:20:55
    your reasons I have my reality well I'm
  • 00:20:58
    more interested in is my reality not
  • 00:20:59
    your reasons your reasons may be true
  • 00:21:01
    your reasons may be accurate you may not
  • 00:21:03
    be lying but I'm interested in my
  • 00:21:06
    reality in other words in the result I'm
  • 00:21:08
    getting and the result is nothing's
  • 00:21:09
    really happening between us and this is
  • 00:21:11
    a poor text exchange so my reality is
  • 00:21:14
    what I'm responding to respond to your
  • 00:21:17
    reality not to his reasons have a great
  • 00:21:20
    week Smiley happy positive polite but
  • 00:21:23
    low investment I knew that this would
  • 00:21:27
    scramble his brain she's kind of checked
  • 00:21:29
    out a little bit even though she's still
  • 00:21:30
    being polite and warm which is what
  • 00:21:32
    kills a person when you're still warm
  • 00:21:34
    and polite but you're moving on and
  • 00:21:36
    doing your thing that affects them
  • 00:21:39
    deeply here's what he sent back so does
  • 00:21:43
    that offer still stand for hanging out
  • 00:21:45
    or is that a onetime deal I'm free if
  • 00:21:48
    you're available would be nice to talk
  • 00:21:50
    at normal speed so this is a guy who
  • 00:21:52
    suddenly got vulnerable he realized that
  • 00:21:56
    he wasn't getting anywhere that she she
  • 00:21:58
    was checking out and that he needed to
  • 00:22:00
    actually start to invest so he puts it
  • 00:22:03
    all on the line here's what I told her
  • 00:22:05
    to write back it's dangerously close to
  • 00:22:08
    a one-time deal now by saying that
  • 00:22:10
    you're actually introducing that element
  • 00:22:12
    of danger this might not work out for
  • 00:22:14
    you now as a result of what you've done
  • 00:22:16
    but there's a little playful Emoji there
  • 00:22:18
    little softener what did you have in
  • 00:22:21
    mind so here's where you're not doing
  • 00:22:23
    the work for him instead of her now
  • 00:22:25
    saying what she said in the beginning
  • 00:22:26
    which is how about a date tomorrow night
  • 00:22:28
    at 7:00 instead she's putting him on the
  • 00:22:31
    back foot you're coming after me so what
  • 00:22:33
    did you have in mind to which he replies
  • 00:22:36
    why don't we meet at harow for a drink
  • 00:22:38
    tomorrow at 700 p.m. she then
  • 00:22:40
    says okay see you tomorrow this is a
  • 00:22:44
    tempered response but it's warm and it
  • 00:22:47
    does exactly what we always intend to do
  • 00:22:50
    to show the person opposite us that I
  • 00:22:53
    will invest if you invest but I'm not
  • 00:22:57
    going to invest simply because I like
  • 00:23:00
    you this is an equal Arrangement you
  • 00:23:03
    give I give you may have noticed that
  • 00:23:05
    dating today is fraught with situations
  • 00:23:09
    where nothing seems to happen you're
  • 00:23:12
    either on dating apps constantly burning
  • 00:23:14
    out because messages never turn into
  • 00:23:16
    dates or you're dating people where
  • 00:23:19
    dates and hooking up never leads to a
  • 00:23:21
    relationship there is a fundamental
  • 00:23:23
    problem these days with lack of momentum
  • 00:23:26
    in dating now some of that is the fault
  • 00:23:29
    of the people we're dating because
  • 00:23:31
    there's no proactiveness about them
  • 00:23:33
    there's no intentionality in the way we
  • 00:23:35
    date in fact that's a big part of the
  • 00:23:37
    problem but the bigger part of the
  • 00:23:39
    problem is that we tolerate it too often
  • 00:23:42
    and we don't know how to get around it
  • 00:23:44
    we don't know how to say no quickly to
  • 00:23:47
    the people that aren't giving us any
  • 00:23:48
    momentum and we don't know how to take
  • 00:23:51
    someone that could be more proactive and
  • 00:23:54
    encourage them to do so by the way that
  • 00:23:56
    we relate to them and the standards we
  • 00:23:59
    have so much of this can be learned and
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    it's a language that changes your dating
  • 00:24:04
    life once you have it because all of a
  • 00:24:06
    sudden you're someone who actually gets
  • 00:24:09
    progression in their dates not someone
  • 00:24:11
    who constantly gets stuck in the Casual
  • 00:24:14
    phase I have a program called the
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  • 00:24:18
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  • 00:24:23
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Tags
  • texting strategies
  • dating advice
  • momentum texts
  • communication
  • relationship tips
  • engagement
  • vulnerability
  • connection
  • texting mistakes
  • gracious impatience