00:00:00
I struggled with binge eating, emotional
00:00:02
eating my whole life. And I even started
00:00:04
my first diet when I was 12. But no
00:00:06
matter what I would try, even if I would
00:00:08
lose weight, I would gain that weight
00:00:10
back ASAP. And at some point, I gave up
00:00:13
and I accepted the fact that I will
00:00:14
never feel confident in my body.
00:00:16
Achieving my goal physique, having a
00:00:18
healthy relationship with food felt like
00:00:20
impossible. But after years of failure
00:00:23
and trying, I actually fixed my
00:00:24
relationship with food and I'm able to
00:00:27
maintain a somewhat fit physique without
00:00:29
restricting myself. So in this video,
00:00:31
I'm going to explain what I've did my
00:00:33
whole journey and how I'm able to
00:00:35
maintain my physique without restricting
00:00:37
myself. Okay, so let me give you a quick
00:00:40
overview of my background. Since I was
00:00:42
12, I sort of like became conscious
00:00:44
about my body. And at that time, I don't
00:00:46
know if you guys remember, but thigh
00:00:48
gaps were such a big thing. And I
00:00:50
naturally have figure eyes and I was
00:00:53
always so self-conscious about them. And
00:00:56
since I was 12, I would start going on
00:00:58
diets and I knew like calories in,
00:01:00
calories out. So I would reverse
00:01:02
engineer my goal weight. Let's say like
00:01:04
I am 56 kilos or something and my goal
00:01:07
weight is 50 and I want to lose 6 kilos,
00:01:09
right? And I want to do it maybe in 2
00:01:11
months. So that means I need to lose
00:01:14
weight 3 kilos every single month. So I
00:01:16
would calculate the amount of calories
00:01:17
that I need to eat and the amount of
00:01:19
calories I need to burn and I would
00:01:21
continue that for a while and I would
00:01:23
start to see some results. But because I
00:01:24
was restricting myself and I was telling
00:01:26
myself that I can't eat more than this
00:01:29
amount of calories and I also need to
00:01:31
burn this this amount of let's say like
00:01:32
calories per day, I would always punish
00:01:35
myself for eating let's say a bit more
00:01:37
than what I was supposed to eat. And
00:01:39
that caused me to develop a binge eating
00:01:42
and unhealthy relationship with food
00:01:44
where I would feel like I am not allowed
00:01:46
to eat until I get to that certain
00:01:48
weight. And then I would punish myself
00:01:51
with working out excessively and trying
00:01:53
to burn off the excessive calories that
00:01:55
I got. So that made me really develop
00:01:58
this toxic relationship towards food
00:02:00
where I would restrict myself for a
00:02:02
period of time and then binge eat very
00:02:04
badly. And then often times I would even
00:02:06
gain more weight because of these binge
00:02:08
eating periods. And also another
00:02:11
unhealthy relationship that I developed
00:02:13
was that whenever I would get stressed
00:02:15
and whenever let's say there was a lot
00:02:17
of things going on in my life, I would
00:02:19
try to release that stress by eating.
00:02:21
And that continued actually until I
00:02:24
graduated from high school. And after
00:02:26
high school when I moved abroad at that
00:02:29
time like I was dealing with major
00:02:30
depression. and I got diagnosed with
00:02:31
depression and that was something going
00:02:34
on like for years. I had a lot of we had
00:02:36
a lot of family issues and financial
00:02:38
issues and probably at that point like
00:02:40
you know when I moved alone and when I
00:02:42
first started living alone that was
00:02:44
probably one of my lowest points in my
00:02:46
life there were so many things going on.
00:02:48
I have another video talking about it.
00:02:49
But anyway, during those like depressive
00:02:51
episodes, yes, I was eating like
00:02:53
emotionally. I also was binge eating,
00:02:56
but also I started a very unhealthy
00:02:58
habit of drinking alcohol quite often.
00:03:00
So with a combination of binge eating
00:03:02
and drinking excessive amount of
00:03:04
alcohol, I started to gain a lot of
00:03:06
weight. In the middle of my depressive
00:03:08
episodes, I had this like inner coal of
00:03:10
like I feeling of I need to do something
00:03:13
about this. you know, I'm quite into
00:03:14
personal development, but if I'm not
00:03:16
treating my body right, then who am I to
00:03:19
talk about personal development, right?
00:03:20
And I was like, okay, I want to eat
00:03:22
healthy and I want to move my body
00:03:24
consistently, but at this point, I'm
00:03:27
struggling to get out of my house. And I
00:03:29
was even struggling to get out of my
00:03:31
bed, to be honest. So I was like, "Okay,
00:03:33
maybe fixing my diet is something that I
00:03:35
can deal later after I figure out
00:03:37
working out consistently." Because for
00:03:39
me personally, eating healthy was much
00:03:42
difficult than working out consistently
00:03:44
because I kind of liked working out. So
00:03:46
I decided to first establish that habit
00:03:49
and after I built the momentum, move on
00:03:51
to the other areas like my sleep, water
00:03:54
intake, food, etc., etc. And I came
00:03:56
across this thing called micro
00:03:58
commitment which basically means you
00:04:00
break down the habit that you want to
00:04:02
build into a such a small chunk that you
00:04:05
can accomplish it in 2 minutes and if
00:04:07
you do that like small thing that day is
00:04:10
a win. So for example I want to go to
00:04:12
the gym and I want to work out
00:04:14
consistently right that's my goal. So my
00:04:16
micro commitment would be maybe putting
00:04:18
my workout claws like let's say on top
00:04:20
of my bed. That's a micro commitment. If
00:04:22
you do that, you're successful. But I
00:04:24
personally picked mine as just putting
00:04:27
on my workout clothes every single day.
00:04:29
It sounds very stupid, right? Because at
00:04:31
that point when I was also doing it, I
00:04:33
also felt stupid. But I was like, okay,
00:04:35
like I failed anyway with other methods,
00:04:37
so let me just try this one. And at one
00:04:40
time I was like, okay, I already have my
00:04:43
workout clothes on. Why not go for a
00:04:46
walk? I remember the first time when I
00:04:48
went for a walk after maybe like two 3
00:04:50
weeks not getting out of my house. I
00:04:52
literally was about to cry. I was so
00:04:54
proud of myself. I started to go here
00:04:56
and there like for walks and I started
00:04:58
to move my body even after like I
00:05:00
established the habit of at least moving
00:05:02
my body going outside. I didn't raise
00:05:05
the bar for my micro commitment. I
00:05:07
always kept it as low as it can be. And
00:05:09
even though it feels like you're not
00:05:11
progressing when you are setting this
00:05:13
micro commitment, it actually helped me
00:05:15
tremendously because I had a such a low
00:05:17
bar, especially I think if you're in a
00:05:19
mentally low like space right now or a
00:05:21
phase right now, it's really important
00:05:23
to set these small goals and actually
00:05:26
treat them like a legitimate goal. So
00:05:28
after I started going for regular walks,
00:05:31
I decided to sign up for a gym and I
00:05:33
wanted to lift weights. Actually, I
00:05:35
wanted to start weightlifting because
00:05:37
I've seen like a lot of gym girls on
00:05:40
Instagram and I was so obsessed. I
00:05:43
became obsessed and I wanted to be like
00:05:45
one of them. So, I wanted to start
00:05:47
weightlifting. But when I started going
00:05:49
to the gym, I actually looked into the
00:05:51
weightlifting section and it was so
00:05:53
intimidating. I was the only female.
00:05:55
There were so many buffed guys lifting
00:05:57
heavy weights and I felt so out of place
00:06:00
and I just felt like everyone was
00:06:02
looking at me whenever I would go to the
00:06:04
weightlifting section. I felt so stupid.
00:06:06
So I was like okay I cannot continue
00:06:08
this. So how can I apply the micro
00:06:10
commitment thing this time for
00:06:12
weightlifting? So I decided first I will
00:06:14
start with the cardio machines right so
00:06:16
that I will get used to the gym
00:06:18
environment and it will feel like my
00:06:20
second home. And I started using the
00:06:22
cardio machines like maybe three to five
00:06:24
times per week. And I was just like
00:06:26
watching YouTube videos. And after the
00:06:28
gym started to feel like my third place,
00:06:30
I started to slowly move to the gym like
00:06:33
machines. Not the serious ones, more
00:06:35
like approachable ones. And I started to
00:06:37
use them here and there. And once I also
00:06:39
got used to them, I started to watch
00:06:41
some YouTube videos about like dumbbell
00:06:43
workouts, not barbells, but dumbbell
00:06:45
workouts. And I started to follow
00:06:47
through these YouTube videos and
00:06:49
Instagram videos. After I got also used
00:06:51
to the dumbbells, I slowly started to
00:06:53
move towards the barbells and workouts
00:06:56
using barbell are a little bit more I
00:06:58
think dangerous than the dumbbells
00:07:00
because it's like heavier and you can
00:07:02
injure yourself. And I had no idea what
00:07:04
I was doing. And I was so scared that
00:07:06
people look at me and people will think
00:07:08
that I'm so bad at this. But in reality,
00:07:10
actually gym people are one of the best
00:07:12
people ever. When I was at the beginning
00:07:14
of my gym journey and I was using
00:07:16
barbells, people around me helped me and
00:07:18
taught me how to use and keep a correct
00:07:21
form. So, it was really helpful. I
00:07:22
thought these buff people very cocky or
00:07:25
whatever, but actually they're very
00:07:27
helpful because they went through the
00:07:29
same journey too. They probably know
00:07:31
what it feels like to feel out of place
00:07:33
at the gym. So, anyway, I started to
00:07:35
look forward to going to the gym. So,
00:07:37
that's basically how I established a
00:07:39
routine when it comes to consistently
00:07:41
working out. Me going to the gym
00:07:43
consistently helped me to actually
00:07:45
reduce the amount of alcohol that I was
00:07:47
drinking without even trying. I wasn't
00:07:49
really trying to reduce the amount or
00:07:51
frequency, but probably because I had a
00:07:54
different way to process my emotions and
00:07:57
my stress. I started to rely less and
00:07:59
less on alcohol because if I would drink
00:08:02
next day, I would not be able to lift
00:08:04
that much weight and it would affect my
00:08:06
performance. That was another reason why
00:08:08
I started drinking less alcohol. And
00:08:09
also I have ADHD and alcohol is a source
00:08:12
of dopamine, right? So that was probably
00:08:14
another way of me trying to deal with my
00:08:17
ADHD. But as soon as I started
00:08:19
weightlifting, because of the amount of
00:08:21
serotonin and dopamine I would get from
00:08:22
weightlifting, I slowly started to rely
00:08:25
less on alcohol. And now I don't even
00:08:27
drink like once per week. I probably
00:08:28
drink less than that. And by the way,
00:08:30
like building this habit of working out
00:08:32
consistently, it actually took me about
00:08:34
a year to really establish it. It didn't
00:08:36
take me like about a month or so. It
00:08:38
took me literally like 12 months. And
00:08:40
after I started working out
00:08:42
consistently, I decided to also tackle
00:08:45
the food part, right? So, I started to
00:08:46
weight myself every single day and also
00:08:49
log every single thing that I was eating
00:08:51
during that day. Some people say don't
00:08:53
track whatever you're eating. It's very
00:08:55
toxic, it's very unhealthy, etc., etc.
00:08:58
Just eat intuitively. But I kind of
00:09:00
disagree with that because in my opinion
00:09:02
at the beginning of your weight loss
00:09:04
journey, especially if you had a toxic
00:09:06
relationship with food or if you never
00:09:09
let's say like someone taught you about
00:09:11
calories and nutrients, then most of the
00:09:13
time your intuition is quite wrong about
00:09:15
food because we often times have very
00:09:17
toxic mindset and unhealthy patterns
00:09:20
when it comes to food and wellness. So
00:09:22
you know in the past I would try to
00:09:24
restrict my calories and unhealthy
00:09:26
relationship with food, right? because I
00:09:28
would tell myself I'm not allowed to
00:09:29
these kind of food groups. I'm not
00:09:31
allowed to eat maybe before going to
00:09:33
bed. So I would feel like I was trapped
00:09:36
and I would eat more. Right? So this
00:09:38
time I decided to do things differently.
00:09:40
I told myself, okay, I am going to
00:09:42
weight myself every day and I'm going to
00:09:44
track every single thing that I'm
00:09:45
eating. But instead of restricting
00:09:47
myself and setting a calorie goal, I'm
00:09:49
just going to track. I'm just going to
00:09:51
observe what is going on so that I can
00:09:53
have a better understanding of whatever
00:09:55
pattern, whatever habits I have so that
00:09:58
I can improve them. And whenever I was
00:10:00
waiting myself, I would wait myself
00:10:02
right after waking up and after using
00:10:04
the toilet, no food or no water intake
00:10:07
and no clothes. I would wait myself
00:10:08
around the same time basically every
00:10:10
single day. And I would log that into my
00:10:12
notion database. And at the end of each
00:10:15
day, I would also log the amount of
00:10:17
calories that I ate that day also into
00:10:20
my notion dashboard. And I started to
00:10:22
see some patterns after a while, right?
00:10:24
Like if I would eat a lot, yes, next day
00:10:27
I might gain a little bit of weight, but
00:10:29
I would also see in my notion database
00:10:31
that after 3 days actually even if I
00:10:34
would eat a bit more, my weight would
00:10:37
come down naturally. and also not only
00:10:40
the calories and not only the weight and
00:10:42
also on top of that I started to track
00:10:45
my period on the same dashboard too and
00:10:47
I realized that actually my weight
00:10:49
fluctuation was really correlated to my
00:10:52
period and I would eat more before my
00:10:54
period and during my period I would lose
00:10:56
more weight and I would become more
00:10:57
active. So before tracking that I would
00:11:00
always second guess myself right I would
00:11:02
get panicked if let's say my weight is
00:11:04
increased compared to last day and I
00:11:07
would feel bad about myself and I would
00:11:08
feel out of control and that was the
00:11:10
reason why I developed a anxious
00:11:12
relationship towards food because I felt
00:11:14
like I had no control over and no matter
00:11:16
what I was doing I felt like nothing was
00:11:18
working but because I tracked it and
00:11:20
because I could see the patterns it
00:11:22
allowed me to gain a sense of control
00:11:24
and it allowed me to detach my emotions
00:11:27
from food and Just understand that
00:11:29
before my period I will eat more, maybe
00:11:31
move less and after my period I'll
00:11:33
probably eat less and move more so my
00:11:35
weight will come down. For some people
00:11:37
it might actually backfire. Like this
00:11:39
method of tracking everything but for me
00:11:41
personally understanding realizing the
00:11:44
patterns that I was going through was
00:11:45
really helpful and if you're interested
00:11:47
I have my notion dashboard in
00:11:49
description for free. And after doing
00:11:51
this, like tracking my food intake, my
00:11:53
weight, and also working out
00:11:54
consistently for about I think another
00:11:56
year, I started to get like quite fit. I
00:11:59
started to get some compliments from
00:12:01
people at my gym or maybe from my
00:12:03
friends saying that, "Oo, you look buff
00:12:06
and stuff like that." And I started to
00:12:09
feel more energized towards life. And
00:12:11
actually, working out probably was the
00:12:13
one of the biggest things that helped me
00:12:15
deal with depression. Right now, I'm
00:12:17
still weighing myself every day, but I
00:12:19
don't really track any calories. But the
00:12:20
reason why I'm weighing myself is that
00:12:22
so that let's say like whenever I gain
00:12:24
more than maybe 2 kilos or something, I
00:12:27
restart tracking my food to see whether
00:12:29
I established a new unhealthy habit
00:12:32
because it's it's actually so easy to
00:12:34
develop an unhealthy habit without you
00:12:36
realizing it. And because I don't want
00:12:38
to like establish that new unhealthy
00:12:40
habit as a major one, I try to like find
00:12:43
the thing and cure the symptom as early
00:12:46
as I can. And most of the time when I
00:12:48
wet myself and when I'm let's say
00:12:49
gaining more than 2 kilos, it's either
00:12:51
one of these things happening. I'm
00:12:53
becoming lazier and I'm going outside
00:12:55
less and I'm staying indoors all the
00:12:57
time and I'm not moving my body enough,
00:12:59
which happens quite often. You know, I'm
00:13:01
a YouTuber, so I'm sedentary as [ __ ] so
00:13:03
I don't move enough. And two, I got
00:13:06
obsessed with a certain food or certain
00:13:08
junk food that I'm eating it and I'm not
00:13:10
eating healthy. And the third is those
00:13:13
like not moving enough and eating junk
00:13:15
food is happening all at once. So
00:13:17
whenever let's say my weight goes up, I
00:13:20
track my calories and I track my food
00:13:21
intake and I'm able to see the pattern.
00:13:23
You know, I can see that oh at night
00:13:25
time I'm eating a lot of French fries.
00:13:28
Why is that? and I look at my breakfast
00:13:30
and lunch and I realize that maybe I'm
00:13:31
not eating enough carbs and that's the
00:13:33
reason maybe during dinner time I crave
00:13:36
carbs and the fastest way I can intake
00:13:39
is French fries and I try to like cure
00:13:41
that symptom rather than trying to lose
00:13:44
the weight that I gained. So overall,
00:13:47
not setting any calorie goals and not
00:13:51
trying to set a certain gym milestone
00:13:53
like going to the gym three to five
00:13:55
times a week or something actually
00:13:56
helped me to be more consistent with it
00:13:59
because I don't really have a bar that I
00:14:01
need to keep. You know, for my gym, I
00:14:04
established a micro commitment that
00:14:06
helped me to start working out
00:14:08
consistently and when it comes to food,
00:14:10
I just log it and I don't even set a
00:14:12
goal. This method alone completely
00:14:14
changed the game for me. And right now
00:14:16
going to the gym is a second nature for
00:14:18
me. I feel weird if I don't go to the
00:14:20
gym because it became such a normal
00:14:21
thing for me to do. I don't even like
00:14:23
need motivation to go to the gym because
00:14:25
it's just a part of my life and part of
00:14:26
my identity. And when it comes to eating
00:14:29
healthy, I'm not necessarily like the
00:14:31
most healthiest person ever or anything.
00:14:34
Like I drink sometimes. I eat junk food
00:14:37
here and there, but I don't really feel
00:14:39
to do it like every single day because I
00:14:41
can eat it anytime I want anyway. So
00:14:44
there's not like a novelty when it comes
00:14:45
to junk food. Therefore, I don't like
00:14:48
crave eating donuts at 2:00 a.m.
00:14:51
suddenly like five donuts or something.
00:14:53
By not restricting myself and by
00:14:55
focusing more on building and
00:14:57
establishing and changing my lifestyle
00:14:59
completely, it was actually much easier
00:15:01
for me to lose weight and also maintain
00:15:04
this physique and overall have a
00:15:07
healthier lifestyle because I also
00:15:09
realized like if you want to lose weight
00:15:11
or maybe gain weight, you know, maybe
00:15:13
you want to build more muscles and maybe
00:15:14
you want to gain more weight, whatever
00:15:16
that we do, if we cannot continue it for
00:15:19
the next 2, three, five plus years, then
00:15:22
we're going to gain gain back that
00:15:23
weight anyway. So, every single change
00:15:26
that you do is a lifestyle change. And
00:15:28
when you start to think in that way, you
00:15:30
stop chasing weird weight loss hacks,
00:15:32
weird detoxes or anything. Instead of
00:15:35
trying to get fit before summer or
00:15:37
bikini body or anything like that, aim
00:15:40
for maybe a year. Tell yourself in a
00:15:42
year you're going to establish maybe a
00:15:43
healthier habits instead of trying to
00:15:45
lose weight. Because remember, you know,
00:15:47
the body that you have right now, even
00:15:50
if you love it or hate it, you worked
00:15:52
for it for years through the habits,
00:15:54
through the actions that you have right
00:15:56
now. You know, your current habits, your
00:15:58
current mindset built that body. So, for
00:16:00
you to have a different body, different
00:16:02
lifestyle, different mindset, it's going
00:16:04
to take a long time. Start with the
00:16:06
simple steps. You don't need to have a
00:16:08
crazy body transformation. I promise.
00:16:11
Okay? So, eat a bit healthier, hit the
00:16:13
gym, and I'll see you
