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Translator: Leonardo Silva
Reviewer: Mile Živković
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I'm going to talk to you today
about something every one of us does.
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We categorize everything
that crosses our path, including people,
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and sometimes we do this
in not a very flattering way.
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My favorite quote
about categorizing people
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comes from the comedian George Carlin.
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He said there are three kinds of people:
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those who can count and those who cannot.
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(Laughter)
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I'm glad you got that.
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(Laughter)
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Well, I want to talk about a positive way
of categorizing people.
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It's called personality type,
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and it's based on something called
the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator,
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or MBTI Assessment.
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I'm just going to be able to give you
a little bit of that framework.
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There's a lot more to it
than I'm going to get to today.
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So, what this is about is it's about
how you prefer to gain energy,
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gather information, make decisions
and live your life.
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Now, this word "preference" is a really
important thing in this system.
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So I just want to do a quick demonstration
of what preference happens to be.
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So, let's say you're really skeptical
about personality type
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and you cross your arms
and maybe you even tap your foot.
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Just try that with me, if you would, okay?
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Now, you probably didn't even think,
"Which arm do I put on top?"
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You have a natural preference
for how you cross your arms.
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So, try crossing them in the other way.
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You can do it, easily.
It doesn't feel quite as natural.
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And we're going to be talking
about personality preferences
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within ourselves,
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and they're really natural habits,
natural mental habits that you have,
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for the ways you might like
to think, or do, or act.
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Now, I think it's helpful to know
about personality type for two reasons.
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One is, it can help you understand
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that that other person is not really
trying to drive you crazy on purpose.
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They just see the world
in a different way than you do.
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And the second reason is it can help you
understand more about yourself,
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about things that come
more easily for you,
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things that might take
a little bit more time,
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that might be a little bit more difficult,
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so that you can forgive yourself
when you're not perfect.
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But that doesn't
excuse yourself from trying.
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So, let's start in on this framework.
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When I was growing up,
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I thought family togetherness was
everyone in the same room reading a book.
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I'm an extrovert, I grew up
in a family of introverts.
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My mother thought that my siblings
needed to go to nursery school
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and I didn't.
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It probably should have been reverse.
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They needed their quiet time and I would
have had fun with those other kids.
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I can assure you
we're all just fine today.
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(Chuckling)
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So, this is the first
what we call preference pair,
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and it has to do with where we direct
and receive our energy.
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There's an extroverted way
and an introverted way.
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Now, these are not social skills.
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You can have people
who prefer extroversion
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and people who prefer
introversion who are shy.
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This is about energy.
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So, extroverts want
their energy to go out
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and, when it goes out,
they're with people, they're doing things,
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it comes bouncing back to them.
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And introverts want
their energy to go in.
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By looking at ideas, impressions,
facts inside their head,
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they create more energy.
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Now, I need to do a quick aside
on this idea of preference pairs.
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We believe that you have both within you.
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It's just that you prefer
one over the other.
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It really does not guarantee
just because you prefer something
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that you're good at it.
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You might need to develop skills with it
and, while you're at it,
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develop skills with the other preference.
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That's going to be helpful
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because there are times when you need
to flex and act in a different way.
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If you just do everything
according to your preferences,
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it's not going to always work.
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So, when we look
at extroversion and introversion
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and how it appears in meetings,
it's kind of interesting.
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So, extroverts in a meeting are more
likely to be talking their ideas out.
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If I bring it out, it becomes real,
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and I may start over here
and end up over here,
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because I've made it real
as I'm talking it out.
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Now, the introvert listening
to that extrovert may be thinking,
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"If they just shut up,
we would get somewhere."
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Well, they don't understand
extroversion is about bringing it out.
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So, our introverts are taking things in
during that meeting,
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they're mulling it through,
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and our extrovert looking
at them is probably going,
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"Are they awake?
Are they listening to me?"
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And we assume that they are
because they're working it out inside.
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Silences for extroverts
are space to be filled.
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Silences for introverts
are space to be cherished.
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When we think about interruptions,
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there's also a different way
that people may look at that.
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Interruptions for extroverts
actually may be compliments:
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"Gee, someone's listened
to what I've said!
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They want to jump right in,
you know, build on my idea."
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It's a compliment.
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But, for an introvert,
that same interruption may be rude:
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"I've thought about it inside,
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I'm bringing up my ideas,
you're interrupting me.
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I need to stop and think, 'Is that
new information or is it a pure dribble?,'
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and then I'm going
to continue with my talk."
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Introverts, by the way,
once they know people and topics well,
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will act like extroverts
because they've done their inside work.
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We say that, if you want to know
what an extrovert is thinking,
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you haven't been listening.
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If you want to know
what an introvert is thinking,
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you haven't asked.
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So, now I want to go on to the next one,
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which is how we gather data
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and the kind of information
we like and trust.
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The preference pairs here
are sensing and intuition.
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Now, I happen to prefer sensing.
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I like things to be
practical, actual, real.
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I just really want to get down
to the here and now of what's going on.
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Now, by contrast,
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intuitive types like possibilities,
meanings, the big picture,
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and I want to show you a picture
that gets at some of these differences.
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So, if we look at this particular picture
with a sensing lens,
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we may see pillars,
trees, yellow flowers,
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there's an umbrella
in there, and so forth.
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If we look at this picture
from an intuitive point of view,
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we might see an ancient lost civilization,
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where the wild things are,
or a ballet of dancing trees.
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Now, we both looked at the same picture.
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So, I use this in a community
leadership program
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and we get people into sensing groups
and intuitive groups
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and have them look
at this picture and talk about it.
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We had a civil engineer once
who pointed over to -
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he was in the sensing group -
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he pointed to the
intuitive group and he said,
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"Hum, I always thought they were liars.
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I would go to a community meeting
and present my facts.
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I would see them a couple of days later
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and they said I said things
I know I didn't say.
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Our memories are just fine.
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So, now I know I need
to sit down with them
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and find out how they got from my facts
to what they're interpreting."
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So, it's very important,
you can miss one another.
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You're seeing the same picture,
but you're seeing different things.
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If we look at well-known figures,
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we can also start to think about what lens
do they see the world with.
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So, let's take Thomas Edison.
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He's the guy who invented
the light bulb, remember,
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by putting all those little filaments in
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and keeping checking
hundreds of them, probably.
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He's been known to have said,
"[Genius] is 99% perspiration."
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He probably saw the world
through a sensing lens.
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Now, if we look at Albert Einstein,
with his theory of relativity,
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he said, "Not all that counts
can be counted."
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He probably sees the world
through an intuitive lens.
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Now, once you have information in,
you need to figure out what to do with it,
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and that leads us
to the third preference pair:
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thinking and feeling.
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Now, I know that I'm a thinking type.
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I look at the world in a logical way.
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People come to me with a problem,
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I want to get to the bottom line
and help them solve it now.
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But I realized there are some people,
when they come to me
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they just want me to stop and listen
and support them.
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Well, I learned that I need
to sort of step back and ask people,
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at least I remember that
some of the time,
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"Do you want me just to listen,
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or do you want me
to help solve the problem?,"
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because then I don't get so annoyed
if they don't take my advice.
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So, in this decision-making system,
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thinking types step back
from the decision.
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They look at the data that they have,
the information that they have,
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in an objective way.
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They look at the pros,
they look at the cons,
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they make their decision.
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But feeling types step into the decision.
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They become aware of,
"How is this going to impact people?
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How does this fit with my value system?,"
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and they're looking for harmony
with their value system.
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Now you probably
already figured out here
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that feeling does not mean
making decisions based on emotions.
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There is a structured way
of using the values and the harmony.
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So, if we think about
the definition of being fair,
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we may see some different things.
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For thinking types,
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being fair means treating everyone
according to the same standards,
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or treating people equally.
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For feeling types,
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being fair means treating everyone
according to what they need;
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individuals are different,
they need different things.
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Now, I want to do another
little experiment with you
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that I sometimes do
with my training groups
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and let's say you're working on a project.
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This hand represents
completing the project.
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This hand represents I'm starting,
I'm part-way through and I'm done.
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So, I typically ask thinking types,
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"Tell me when you want someone
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to give you some
appreciation or recognition
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for your work on that project."
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And my hand will move along
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and finally, when I get to the end,
they've finished the project,
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they will say, "Now."
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And I'll ask them, "So, what happens
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if someone gives you some recognition
earlier in that work?"
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And they say, "Well, I'm a little worried.
I think I'm working for an idiot.
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They have no sense of standards
and what is good work."
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Now, I ask feeling types the same thing,
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"When do you want recognition
on that project?,"
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and they call out,
"Now, now, now, now, now."
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(Laughter)
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All the way through.
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"So, what does that look like?"
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I'm a thinking type,
I'm waiting till I'm done.
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They say like, "Well,
it can be things like, 'Good start!,'
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or, 'Gee, you had some great ideas here.'"
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And then, I ask the feeling types,
"So, what happens
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if someone gives you some recognition -
if they wait until the end?"
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And they say, "Well,
I think that they don't care,
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and if they don't care about me,
they don't care about my work,
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and it affects my morale."
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Now, both thinking types and feeling types
can come to the exact same conclusions.
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They just do it in different ways.
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And it's really helpful for thinking types
to remember to always ask,
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"How would this logically impact people?,"
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and for feeling types to always ask,
"What's the most important thing here?"
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But we need to move on.
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Our last one has to do with how we like
to go about living our lives.
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And our words are "judging"
and "perceiving" in this preference pair,
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and "judging" here
doesn't mean "judgmental."
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But what judging types like to do
is organize things,
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make decisions, get on with it,
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and perceiving types
like to kind of go with the flow
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and be spontaneous
and continue gathering information.
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So, I'll admit, I'm a judging type,
I love to make lists,
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I love to check off things from the list
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and I've even been known to put things
on the list I've already done
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for the sheer joy of checking them off.
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(Laughter)
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True confessions. Okay.
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Now, I happen to live with a man
who prefers perceiving.
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He thinks I'm nuts.
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His life is about options,
it's about going with the flow.
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So, you can imagine what happens
when we go to a Chinese restaurant:
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I'm making my decisions -
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you know, judging is about, "Let's make
a decision and get on with it" -
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And he's looking over the menu,
looking at what other people have,
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trying to decide what he's going to have,
that's perhaps new and different,
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and I'm getting hungry.
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But, for perceiving types,
it's no decision before its time.
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So, judging types will often
use words that end in "ed":
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"I've finished that,"
"I've completed that,"
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I've decided that,"
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and perceiving types
will often talk in "ing" words:
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"I'm finishing that,"
"I'm completing that,"
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"I'm deciding that."
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So, if we look at what's a plan,
judging types will often say,
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"A plan is a systematic way
of achieving an objective,"
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and perceiving types will say,
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"Plans, they're options."
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Now, I also have a little activity
that I like to do with people,
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and that's I'll ask people
to think about the next free day,
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the next day they have off, okay?
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And I typically have
judging types start out
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and I want to know how many plans
they have for that day off.
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So, I start giving them numbers
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and, as we get to the higher
and higher numbers,
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the judging types
look prouder and prouder.
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They just love it.
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Now, when I do the same thing
for the perceiving types,
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they've raised their hands
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and I can see they get more and more
embarrassed as the number gets higher
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and they'll often call out,
"But they're not my plans.
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Someone came up with them for me."
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So, both can have lovely days off
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and, in fact, sometimes
I'll have judging plans,
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people coming to me and saying,
"You know, I must be a perceiving type
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because on my next day off
I plan to do nothing."
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You heard the word "plan."
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(Laughter)
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So, this is about how you live your life.
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All of these come together
in a magical way.
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So, we've got four preference pairs.
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We've got how you gain energy
- extroversion, introversion -,
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how you gather information
- sensing, intuition -,
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how you make decisions
- thinking or feeling -,
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and how you live your life
- judging or perceiving.
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So, there are 16 possible
unique types within this.
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Now, we use a shorthand for this.
You probably have already figured it out.
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The only trick is we have to use
an "N" for "intuition"
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because we've already used
the "I" up for "introversion."
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Now, of these types,
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when they come together
in that unique chemical reaction,
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we say the whole is greater
than the sum of its parts.
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Now, my particular type
happens to be ESTJ:
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I'm extroverted, sensing,
thinking and judging.
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So, you've heard a lot about my type.
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I'm also really responsible:
you give me something to do
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and I will follow through to completion.
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That's how I got into
the Myers-Briggs in the first place.
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I walked into my manager's office
one day and he said,
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"Jean, everybody in this office is going
to become an expert in something.
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Yours is going to be the Myers-Briggs."
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"Yes, sir" - I said.
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So, I get to live out my type.
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I get to write practical
materials for people.
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I get to train people
in how to interpret this instrument.
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I get to use who I am.
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But I want to tell you a story
about somebody
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who didn't get to use who she was.
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I mentioned I do some training programs
and, as part of that training,
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I would typically find somebody
in the training class
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who wasn't quite so sure of her type,
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but was reasonably verbal
and seemed to have her act together.
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So, this was in Dallas, Texas,
a long time ago,
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and we were going through this
interpretation in a very pleasant way,
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everything was going really well.
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And, all of a sudden, we got near the end
and this woman said,
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"I stopped using
my 'F' and 'J' two years ago."
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Now, for those of you who don't remember,
"F" stands for "feeling,"
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making your decisions
based on harmony with your value system,
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and "J" stands for "judging,"
making a decision and getting on with it.
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So, I did my good psychologist nod,
my good psychologist pause,
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and the brilliant statement,
"Tell me more -
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(Laughter)
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Context does everything here."
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So, she said, "Well,
you need to understand
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that my faith is really important to me.
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I belong to an evangelical church.
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I work for that church,
I believe in its teachings,
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but my husband came out
as gay two years ago.
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We have children together.
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He is a good man,
but my church says this is wrong."
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Her values had been clashing.
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She was stuck, she didn't know what to do.
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But, suddenly, with personality type,
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she had a framework to understand
what was happening to her
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and, right then and there,
she started moving on.
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Well, little did I know
that, about 20 years later,
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the same thing would happen to me.
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My husband came out as gay.
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It was tough,
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but I'm an ESTJ.
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I need to move on, I need to just do it.
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So, with the help of wonderful friends
and a great family,
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who gave me love and support and advice,
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I was able to move on.
00:19:56
As the writer Garrison Keillor says,
00:19:58
"When bad things happen to writers,
it's all just material."
00:20:03
And I'd like to add, as a psychologist,
when bad things happen to psychologists,
00:20:09
it's all just a way of building empathy.
00:20:13
So, personality type has been
enourmously helpful to me
00:20:16
in understanding myself and others,
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so that I can be more
respectful of both of us,
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but I remember that it's just preferences.
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I can act other ways when I need to.
00:20:29
So, I'm going to ask that you help me
demonstrate preferences
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for one last time.
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And that is I want you to clap your hands
and just freeze them, if you would.
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So, clap and freeze. Okay.
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Now, you probably didn't even notice
that you have a way of clapping,
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you have a preference for that.
00:20:44
So, I want you to practice,
as loud as you can, the other way.
00:20:49
It's a cheap way
to get applause. Thank you.
00:20:52
(Laughter) (Applause)
