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thank
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you thank you thank
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you every year in the United States
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about 40 million Children Play Youth
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Sports yet 70% of those kids drop out
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and quit by the time they're 13 years
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old three out of four four children are
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done with sports before high school now
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as a person who's been involved in
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athletics his whole life as a college
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and a professional soccer player and a
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coach for the last 20 years I wanted to
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know why was this happening why do so
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many kids quit something that has made
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such a positive impact on my life and
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then about three years ago I realized
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the answer to that question standing on
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the sideline of my 5-year-old daughter
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Maggie soccer
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game now if you've ever seen 5-year-old
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soccer it's amazing this this giant
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scrum of
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players and it moves up and down the
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field and there's lots of giggling and
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laughing sometimes a player breaks out
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and scores in the right goal sometimes
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she kicks it in the wrong
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goal twice the chance of
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success but it doesn't matter right
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she's happy parents are positive
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everyone's
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supportive coaches are positive there's
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no referee to yell at this is what
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sports supposed to be well on this
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particular day there was a 10-year-old
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boy game right next door and it should
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be just the same right but it was
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completely different it was a
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competitive 10-year-old boys game and I
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say competitive in quotes because it
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wasn't the kids who were competing
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harder it was the
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adults a kid makes a bad pass ball gets
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stolen and the other team scores and
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then all hell breaks
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loose the coach jumps off his bench he
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screams at the kid and yank him out of
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the game next his dad is on the other
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sideline screaming at him
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his his uh parent his friends parents
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they're screaming at
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him and as I'm watching this I'm saying
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to myself wow this is exactly why
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children drop out of
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sports because Sports is supposed to be
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about children playing and children
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having fun and learning and none of that
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is happening here now I want to just
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invite you for a moment to get into the
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mindset of a 10-year-old boy or any
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young athlete today cuz it's very very
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different than when I was growing up you
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go to a game and you're just going to
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play a game but yet so many of the
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adults they're acting like it's the
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World
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Series they're acting like it's the NBA
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finals and you're just there to play a
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game there's coaches and parents
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screaming at you from the sidelines
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sometimes they're screaming at you
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sometimes they're screaming at the
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referee sometimes they're screaming at
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each
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other now you get in the car after the
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game and you just want to relax and
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emotionally unwind and yet this is the
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time when so many parents choose to
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deconstruct your game and criticize and
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critique your
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performance now you sit around your
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kitchen table and you hear your parents
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talking about the time and the financial
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commitment that it takes to play you
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Sports maybe you'll get a scholarship
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down the line to help pay for all this
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and that just adds pressure and stress
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and then finally at the end of the year
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the end of the season when you're ready
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to move on to another sport what happens
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your coach sits you down and says uh-uh
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you can't do that you're not moving on
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because if you're going to stay on this
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team you need to play year round and if
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you don't I'm going to give you a spot
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away this is what so many children feel
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these days this type of
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pressure and that's why seven out of 10
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of them quit Youth
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Sports seven out of 10 are done now I
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call this the the great giant race to
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Nowhere in US Sports and it's a race
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because so many kids and so many parents
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were in such a hurry to do more more
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more at younger and younger ages and I
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say it ends nowhere because while we
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tend to focus on the few athletes who
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get a scholarship or turn
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pro the vast majority end up somewhere
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else they end up hating Sports they end
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up with damaged relationships with their
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parents and for some kids they end up
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with physical and emotional scars that
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last a
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lifetime we have to end this great race
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to Nowhere we have to change the game in
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Youth Sports we have to give it back to
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our
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kids and today I want to tell you how we
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can do that now some people say to me oh
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John are you the anti-competitive guy
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trophies for everyone no keeping score
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no standings not not at all that that is
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not me I don't believe in participation
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Awards I don't think every kid who shows
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up should get a trophy just for doing
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the bare
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minimum and as far as being competitive
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I spent the last 20 years coaching Elite
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youth soccer players I spent four of
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those years as a division one College
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men's soccer coach so I know a little
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something about competitive
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athletes and what I saw on that
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10-year-old boys game and what I see in
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so many sports all around the country
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that is not it these kids aren't
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becoming more competitive they're not
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becoming better they're becoming bitter
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and they're dropping out of sports seven
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out of 10 of them now what we've come to
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accept is this new environment in Youth
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Sports would never be acceptable
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anywhere else in life we'd never accept
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it in our workplace we'd never tolerate
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if our teachers treated our kids like
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this and we would certainly never
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tolerate it if our children treated us
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in our events like we treat
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them can you imagine what they would
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feel like in your golf game or your
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tennis match if our children treated us
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well our friends at Hockey Canada
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they've imagined such a thing check it
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out come on dad Focus wind your stance a
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little don't
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slow and don't screw up this is the big
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Le what are you doing keep her on the
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ball
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that was
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pathetic how Sor doesn't cut
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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it does anyone need that kind of help in
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their golf
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game no awesome so if we're going to
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change you Sports in this country the
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first thing we have to remember is why
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children play now Michigan State
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University did a huge study on this
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about 30,000 thousand kids and they ask
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them why do you play and the number one
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reason why children play sports is
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because it's
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fun they like to learn they like to be
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with their friends they enjoy the
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excitement but they don't play because
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of winning they like to win they value
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winning but it's not why they show up it
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doesn't even make the top 10 on why they
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play now by the same token why did
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children quit Sports children quit
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because they're sick and tired of being
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criticized and yelled at
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they quit because they're afraid to make
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mistakes and they quit because of an
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emphasis on winning which leads to a
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lack of playing time for so many kids
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and for others it leads to all-star
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teams and thus cuts at seven eight n
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years old where we tell kids you're not
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even good enough to
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play now we can change the game in the
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United States by education now what we
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do at my organization called the Chang
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in the game project is we travel to
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schools and we travel to use Sports
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organizations what we teach people is
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that the single greatest factor that
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affects performance is state of mind and
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we give people the tools to instill what
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we call a positive High performing
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mindset in our athletes we teach them
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things like accepting your kids' goals
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and giving them ownership of their
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experience we teach them how to praise
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your kids so it's helpful and not
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harmful and we teach them to just let
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your kids fail and learn from failure
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and that actually in the real world the
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most successful people are the people
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who are willing to fail the most but the
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single most fundamental thing that we
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teach and what I want to teach you today
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is something I learned about 10 years
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ago from a man who's become a great
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friend and Mentor his name is coach
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Bruce Brown and it's just five simple
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words I love watching you
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play I love watching you play changes
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everything for your kids because because
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what it tells them is that your love for
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them does not depend on whether they win
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or lose or how they perform now I know
00:09:05
this might seem very simple but it's
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incredibly incredibly powerful I want to
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tell you the story of Peter Smith
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Peter's a former professional tennis
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player he's the men's coach at USC and
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he's won four national championships in
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over 500 matches and Peter when we cross
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paths he came to me and he said he was
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struggling because he's got three boys
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of his own all competitive tennis
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players
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and he was struggling being their coach
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and their
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dad and what he said was what was
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happening on the court was affecting the
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whole family off the court when Peter
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learned to just let go when he learned
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to just love watching his kids play he
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said everything changed his children
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played Harder They played better and
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when tennis was over they stepped off
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the court and the whole family life got
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better he says it has changed his family
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so much that sometimes his kids still
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look at him with a look that says you
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know who are you and what did you do
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with my dad
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I want to also tell you the story of my
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friend Stephanie Emerson Stephanie is
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the mom of four boys uh four athletes
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three of them are boys one of her sons
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actually made the US youth national team
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in soccer and Stephanie and I were were
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talking when I was writing my book
00:10:17
because she the whole race to Nowhere
00:10:19
was just killing her in new sports the
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pressure the time the commitments she
00:10:22
said John please give me your single
00:10:25
best piece of advice and I told
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Stephanie you know what Steph just just
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tell your kids you love watching them
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play so she looks at me kind of funny
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and she takes a step back she's like
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really that's the best you
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got it's like John I'm sorry you're my
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friend but you're not going to sell any
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books with that
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stuff so fast forward a Year Stephanie
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sent me a letter and I want to read it
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to you
00:10:48
today it says John a year ago you told
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me to Simply love watching my kids play
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and now it's the only thing I say to the
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kids I don't say anything about how they
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played or wins and losses just that such
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a privilege and honor to watch them and
00:11:02
it's amazing how each time I say it it
00:11:04
becomes more true and more impactful for
00:11:07
even me it has opened my eyes to a whole
00:11:11
other kind of joy and
00:11:14
contentment Stephanie simply by learning
00:11:16
to love watching her kids play changed
00:11:18
everything Peter Smith changed
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everything in his family and you guys
00:11:23
can too now I'm not saying it's going to
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be easy I'm not saying it's a onetime
00:11:27
thing and I'm not saying that you won't
00:11:29
slip up everyone slips up I slip up one
00:11:32
of the things that kids say is one of
00:11:34
their worst memories in you Sports is
00:11:35
the ride home after games because his
00:11:37
parents give him a hard time well when
00:11:40
my son TJ started playing soccer I was
00:11:43
his first coach and he shows up the
00:11:45
first game and he steps on the field
00:11:46
goes dad I don't want to play today and
00:11:47
he walks
00:11:49
off I was okay with that but when he did
00:11:54
it the next week now I was a little bit
00:11:56
upset now I was wondering hm this isn't
00:11:59
so good I was embarrassed I'm wondering
00:12:00
what these parents are thinking of me
00:12:02
I'm supposed to be this All-Star coach
00:12:04
and I can't even get my own kid to
00:12:05
play so we get in the car after the game
00:12:09
and I'm buckling my myself in my son's
00:12:12
in the back and I turn around I'm like
00:12:13
so TJ and all of a sudden Wham karate
00:12:16
chop for my wife sitting next to me in
00:12:18
the front
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seat and she looks at me she says really
00:12:24
didn't you just write a whole book about
00:12:26
this
00:12:28
[Applause]
00:12:30
can you please just drive us
00:12:34
home and I said nothing and he's played
00:12:37
ever since so it makes a huge difference
00:12:40
so I want to finish with
00:12:42
this I told you about my daughter Maggie
00:12:44
soccer team this is them this picture
00:12:47
was taken three years ago they're called
00:12:48
the
00:12:52
unicorns my daughter Maggie is the third
00:12:54
one from the
00:12:55
left now when I see this picture and I
00:12:59
see the Joy on these kids' faces and I
00:13:02
know the powerful impact that Sports can
00:13:04
have on their lives not only making them
00:13:06
better athletes but better
00:13:09
people then I know it is time to end
00:13:12
this crazy race to Nowhere it's time to
00:13:14
change the game and give Youth Sports
00:13:16
back to our kids by fulfilling their
00:13:18
needs and their priorities not ours and
00:13:21
every single one of us can do our
00:13:24
part simply by starting with five simple
00:13:27
words I love watching you play and I
00:13:31
believe that that's not only an idea
00:13:33
worth spreading but that's an idea whose
00:13:36
time has definitely come thank you
00:13:39
[Music]
