The Man With The Seven Second Memory

00:48:00
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_P7Y0-wgos

Sintesi

TLDRThe video offers a glimpse into the life of Clive Wearing, who developed severe amnesia following a viral brain infection in 1985. As a result, Clive can only remember things for about seven seconds before forgetting them again, creating a challenging living situation where each moment feels like waking up for the first time. Despite this profound memory loss, Clive's musical abilities remain unaffected, and he continues to play and respond to music excellently. The documentary highlights his relationship with his wife, Deborah, who he still recognizes amidst his memory troubles. Her role is significant as she visits him regularly, and despite living separately, they uphold a strong emotional bond. The story shares Clive's struggles and emotional state, his daily life in a supervised care unit, interactions with his family, and insights into his past, illustrating both the challenges and the enduring aspects of human connections amidst adversity.

Punti di forza

  • 🎶 Clive retains musical skills despite memory loss.
  • 🧠 His amnesia was caused by a viral infection destroying key brain parts.
  • ❤️ Clive's strongest bond is with his wife, Deborah.
  • ⏳ His consciousness resets every seven seconds.
  • 📒 He keeps a diary to track 'first awakenings.'
  • 🏥 Clive lives in a supervised brain injury unit.
  • 💔 The illness profoundly impacted family dynamics.
  • 🎹 He once was a notable conductor and musician.
  • 📚 Clive's memory of past events is wiped.
  • 🔄 Despite challenges, Clive's spirit and humor endure.

Linea temporale

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    Clive Wearing suffers from severe amnesia with only a seven-second memory span after a virus destroyed parts of his brain in 1985. Despite the memory loss, his musical ability remains.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Clive is continuously surprised by things happening around him, unaware of his fame due to a documentary. He resides in a brain injury unit and retains his identity but struggles with basic life details. His wife Deborah lives separately but continues to visit him.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    Despite severe memory impairment, Clive retains an innate musical ability. His wife describes him as passionate and loving, maintaining a deep connection based on recognition rather than memory.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Clive's amnesia began with flu-like symptoms, escalating into brain damage caused by the herpes simplex virus. Lost and disoriented, he was eventually found and diagnosed with encephalitis.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Doctors initially misdiagnosed Clive with flu, leading to a delayed intervention. When properly diagnosed, the viral attack had already caused irreversible brain damage, compromising his hippocampus.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Clive's amnesia leads him to constantly forget those around him, including family. Despite glimpses of recognition, his memory resets every few moments, leaving him trapped in a perpetual present.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Alongside tangible plans to care for Clive, Deborah explores life away from him, but remains tethered by emotional bonds. Even in America, she couldn't escape the pull back to Clive, struggling with the void left by his memory loss.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    Deborah undergoes personal transformation and returns to the UK. Her renewed faith fills the emptiness left by Clive’s condition. She seeks solace in acts of service and rekindles a spiritual bond with Clive.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:48:00

    Family and friends mention Clive's intellectual past, noting the profound impact of his condition. While his aggressive episodes reduced, Clive's blank state remains unchanged, leaving an indelible mark on those around him.

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Mappa mentale

Mind Map

Domande frequenti

  • Who is Clive Wearing?

    Clive Wearing was a renowned conductor who suffers from severe amnesia caused by a viral infection in 1985.

  • What impact did the virus have on Clive's brain?

    The virus destroyed Clive's hippocampus, causing dense amnesia and preventing him from forming new memories.

  • Can Clive still play music?

    Yes, despite his memory loss, Clive retains his innate musical abilities and can still play music.

  • How long is Clive's memory span?

    Clive's memory resets approximately every seven seconds, leaving him unaware of what happened moments before.

  • Who does Clive recognize?

    The only person Clive consistently recognizes is his wife, Deborah.

  • How has Clive's condition affected his family?

    Clive's condition has put a significant emotional strain on his family, complicating relationships and daily interactions.

  • Does Clive remember his past before the illness?

    Clive lacks memories of life events before the illness but retains fundamental knowledge, like facts about his career.

  • What is Clive's emotional state regarding his condition?

    Clive describes his mental state as similar to being dead, with no dreams or thoughts, yet he remains emotionally connected to music and his wife.

  • How does Clive keep track of time?

    Clive uses a diary to record his repeated ‘first awakenings’ in an attempt to understand the passing of time.

  • What role does Deborah play in Clive's life?

    Deborah is a crucial support figure, visiting him regularly and maintaining a loving relationship despite challenging circumstances.

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Sottotitoli
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Scorrimento automatico:
  • 00:00:00
    (upbeat music)
  • 00:00:21
    (bright piano music)
  • 00:00:27
    - [Interviewer] Clive Wearing has one of the worst cases
  • 00:00:29
    of amnesia in the world.
  • 00:00:32
    (bright piano music)
  • 00:00:39
    - I know what it's like to be dead now.
  • 00:00:41
    Day and night, the same thing.
  • 00:00:43
    No difference between dreams or anything like that.
  • 00:00:45
    No sense at all.
  • 00:00:46
    The brain has been totally inactive.
  • 00:00:48
    No dreams, no thoughts of any kind whatever.
  • 00:00:51
    (somber music)
  • 00:00:52
    - [Interviewer] Clive was a renowned conductor
  • 00:00:54
    living in London when he was struck down by a virus in 1985.
  • 00:00:59
    Parts of his brain were completely destroyed,
  • 00:01:01
    including his memory.
  • 00:01:03
    However, his ability to play music is unaffected.
  • 00:01:07
    Do you feel different when you play music?
  • 00:01:10
    - I've never heard a note since I've been ill.
  • 00:01:11
    I don't know what it's like to play music,
  • 00:01:14
    when you're unconscious.
  • 00:01:15
    - [Interviewer] You played us some music
  • 00:01:16
    about two minutes ago.
  • 00:01:18
    - Not known to me.
  • 00:01:20
    Totally unknown.
  • 00:01:21
    I've never heard a note yet.
  • 00:01:22
    (somber music continues)
  • 00:01:26
    - [Interviewer] Clive's case became known to millions
  • 00:01:28
    when a television documentary was made about him in 1986.
  • 00:01:33
    Alone and confused in hospital, without his memory,
  • 00:01:37
    the only person he recognized was his wife, Deborah.
  • 00:01:41
    - What's been wrong?
  • 00:01:42
    Can you just be honest with me?
  • 00:01:44
    You know, I really can't go through this.
  • 00:01:45
    - But, I- - I'm actually conscious now
  • 00:01:46
    for the first time. - Yes.
  • 00:01:47
    - I just want to find out what the bloody hell
  • 00:01:48
    they've been doing, what's been wrong with me.
  • 00:01:50
    There isn't a fucking clue.
  • 00:01:51
    - Well, this is- - Never seen anyone at all.
  • 00:01:53
    (somber music)
  • 00:01:56
    - [Interviewer] 20 years later,
  • 00:01:58
    Clive only has a seven-second memory
  • 00:02:00
    before his mind goes blank.
  • 00:02:02
    What has life been like for Clive and his family?
  • 00:02:07
    (metal clangs)
  • 00:02:09
    (clock ticking) (somber music)
  • 00:02:16
    Do you know that we're making
  • 00:02:17
    a film about you?
  • 00:02:18
    - No, that's news to me.
  • 00:02:21
    - [Interviewer] You're being filmed
  • 00:02:22
    for a television program.
  • 00:02:23
    - Oh no! (chuckles)
  • 00:02:25
    Oh dear.
  • 00:02:26
    I feel a bit posh, do I? Upper class.
  • 00:02:29
    - [Interviewer] Because you're very famous.
  • 00:02:30
    - (laughs) A likely story.
  • 00:02:33
    You're full of jokes, aren't you?
  • 00:02:33
    Are you two laughing as well?
  • 00:02:36
    - [Interviewer] About 20 years ago,
  • 00:02:38
    a film was made about you.
  • 00:02:39
    - Oh no.
  • 00:02:40
    - [Interviewer] Just after you became ill,
  • 00:02:42
    called "A Prisoner of Consciousness,"
  • 00:02:45
    and 20 years on we're making a new film about you
  • 00:02:48
    because millions of people watched the film
  • 00:02:51
    and wanted to know how you were.
  • 00:02:52
    - Good heavens.
  • 00:02:53
    - [Interviewer] So millions of people know you.
  • 00:02:57
    - How embarrassing. (chuckles)
  • 00:03:01
    They know too much about me now, don't they? (laughs)
  • 00:03:04
    - [Interviewer] And we've been coming to see you
  • 00:03:06
    for several weeks.
  • 00:03:07
    - I see.
  • 00:03:08
    Are you paid to come here?
  • 00:03:10
    - [Interviewer] Thankfully we are.
  • 00:03:11
    - (laughs) Hooray!
  • 00:03:14
    One, two, three, four.
  • 00:03:16
    ♪ Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun ♪
  • 00:03:20
    ♪ Those Japanese don't care ♪
  • 00:03:21
    - [Interviewer] Clive is 67 and lives in a brain injury unit
  • 00:03:25
    where he's under constant supervision.
  • 00:03:28
    ♪ But Englishmen, they test us ♪
  • 00:03:30
    ♪ Yes, sir ♪
  • 00:03:32
    His wife Deborah
  • 00:03:33
    lives 85 miles away in Reading.
  • 00:03:36
    His illness has made it impossible
  • 00:03:37
    for them to live together for 20 years.
  • 00:03:40
    ♪ At 12 noon the natives swoon and no further work is done ♪
  • 00:03:43
    ♪ But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun ♪
  • 00:03:49
    - Very good, Mr. Wearing. (attendant clapping)
  • 00:03:52
    - If Clive went out of the front door,
  • 00:03:55
    unsupervised, unaccompanied it would be like
  • 00:04:02
    being separated from a spaceship.
  • 00:04:04
    It would be like, if you were spacewalking
  • 00:04:06
    and the rope broke.
  • 00:04:07
    He would have no way of getting back ever.
  • 00:04:12
    - [Interviewer] Does Clive know his name?
  • 00:04:13
    - Yes.
  • 00:04:14
    - [Interviewer] Does he know how old he is?
  • 00:04:15
    - No.
  • 00:04:16
    - [Interviewer] Does he know where you live?
  • 00:04:18
    - [Deborah] No. No idea.
  • 00:04:20
    - [Interviewer] Does he know your job?
  • 00:04:21
    - [Deborah] No. No idea.
  • 00:04:22
    - [Interviewer] Does he know the day of the week?
  • 00:04:25
    - No.
  • 00:04:26
    - [Interviewer] Does he know the date?
  • 00:04:27
    - No.
  • 00:04:29
    - [Interviewer] Can he read a book?
  • 00:04:30
    - No, 'cause he can't remember the sentence before last.
  • 00:04:34
    - [Interviewer] Can he watch a film?
  • 00:04:35
    - No.
  • 00:04:36
    He'll watch the rugby or he'll watch the crickets.
  • 00:04:39
    He won't know who's playing or what the score is,
  • 00:04:42
    but each stroke and each try is satisfying for him to watch.
  • 00:04:48
    (dramatic music)
  • 00:04:51
    - [Woman] Coming.
  • 00:04:57
    - [Interviewer] Clive now has islands of memory.
  • 00:05:00
    Just as we can ride a bike or drive a car
  • 00:05:02
    without remembering how we were taught,
  • 00:05:04
    Clive can play and respond to music
  • 00:05:06
    because his innate musical abilities are still there
  • 00:05:10
    and weren't totally destroyed by the virus.
  • 00:05:13
    (bright orchestral music)
  • 00:05:17
    Deborah visits Clive on average once a month.
  • 00:05:22
    What sort of man is he?
  • 00:05:24
    - Passionate, very loving.
  • 00:05:26
    Funny, very, very comical.
  • 00:05:29
    And he's very, very, self-effacing.
  • 00:05:32
    He doesn't want to be a nuisance to anyone.
  • 00:05:35
    He often apologizes to me and says,
  • 00:05:37
    "I must have been such a nuisance to you.
  • 00:05:39
    I'm so sorry."
  • 00:05:40
    I mean (sighs).
  • 00:05:43
    - They told me you were arriving. (laughs)
  • 00:05:46
    Welcome to Earth.
  • 00:05:49
    - He knows me.
  • 00:05:51
    Delicious. - Oh!
  • 00:05:51
    - He might not remember anything about me, but he knows me.
  • 00:05:55
    So he knows what I'm like.
  • 00:05:57
    And we're still very much a team.
  • 00:06:00
    I mean, it sounds odd when we see so little of each other,
  • 00:06:02
    but we are very much a team.
  • 00:06:05
    - Come on.
  • 00:06:07
    No hanging around on the other side of the room.
  • 00:06:09
    - Aw, thank you, darling.
  • 00:06:11
    - [Interviewer] What does it mean to you
  • 00:06:12
    when Deborah comes to visit?
  • 00:06:15
    - [Clive] Heaven on Earth arrives.
  • 00:06:17
    - [Interviewer] And what does it mean to you
  • 00:06:18
    when Deborah can't come and visit?
  • 00:06:20
    - Well, I don't know.
  • 00:06:21
    I haven't been conscious since I've been ill.
  • 00:06:23
    I don't know what I've been thinking when she's not here.
  • 00:06:25
    I'd never seen her before either.
  • 00:06:27
    Never heard a word. - You see me now?
  • 00:06:28
    - Yes.
  • 00:06:29
    I've never seen any human beings since I've been ill.
  • 00:06:31
    You're the first four people I've seen in, what, 30 years?
  • 00:06:34
    And if you're unconscious, you don't like it much, do you?
  • 00:06:37
    - [Interviewer] What does being unconscious mean?
  • 00:06:40
    - [Clive] Same as death.
  • 00:06:42
    No difference between day and night.
  • 00:06:43
    No thoughts at all.
  • 00:06:45
    Day and night the same.
  • 00:06:47
    - [Interviewer] And what does love mean, Mr. Wearing?
  • 00:06:50
    - Zero intentness and everything in life.
  • 00:06:53
    - Good answer.
  • 00:06:55
    (Clive chuckles) Good answer.
  • 00:06:57
    - That's what it's about, love, isn't it? Everything.
  • 00:07:00
    - [Interviewer] Clive became ill
  • 00:07:01
    before he and Deborah could start a family,
  • 00:07:04
    but Clive has three children from his first marriage.
  • 00:07:08
    - I thought of my father as a wonderful person.
  • 00:07:11
    Mostly absent because my parents split up
  • 00:07:14
    when I was very young.
  • 00:07:16
    But when I did see him, he was always very jolly,
  • 00:07:20
    very giving, always laughing
  • 00:07:22
    and we all missed him.
  • 00:07:25
    - Never dared to ask him what my name is.
  • 00:07:27
    I don't know if that's my fear for him
  • 00:07:30
    or my fear for myself. (chuckles)
  • 00:07:32
    I've never asked him what my name is.
  • 00:07:35
    He knows I'm his son.
  • 00:07:36
    And he'll always say, "Well, you should be this tall
  • 00:07:38
    'cause he left home when I was that tall."
  • 00:07:42
    - [Clive] I can hear music in the distance.
  • 00:07:45
    - [Interviewer] What music can you hear?
  • 00:07:47
    (Clive vocalizing)
  • 00:07:53
    Since his illness, Clive has auditory hallucinations.
  • 00:08:01
    - What I struggle with the most
  • 00:08:03
    is that the intellectual Colossus that was my father
  • 00:08:08
    is reduced to making word games out of card number plates.
  • 00:08:13
    It's just there's a tiny fraction of him left now.
  • 00:08:17
    (singing in foreign language)
  • 00:08:23
    - [Interviewer] 20 years ago,
  • 00:08:24
    Clive was a well-known musician,
  • 00:08:26
    conductor, and early music producer for Radio 3.
  • 00:08:30
    (singing in foreign language)
  • 00:08:32
    - He was a very charismatic conductor.
  • 00:08:34
    He was working in a field
  • 00:08:37
    that was just cutting new ground all the time.
  • 00:08:42
    He would transcribe from original manuscripts
  • 00:08:45
    and recreate the music for a particular meal
  • 00:08:49
    that the Duke of Bavaria had with his mother-in-law
  • 00:08:53
    and what they wore and what they had to eat
  • 00:08:55
    and this was the music,
  • 00:08:56
    and then he would make a radio program.
  • 00:09:01
    It took all his energy.
  • 00:09:02
    There wasn't much time to sleep.
  • 00:09:03
    There were no weekends.
  • 00:09:05
    He poured his whole being into his work.
  • 00:09:08
    Everybody used to say to him, "Clive, slow down."
  • 00:09:15
    He couldn't.
  • 00:09:19
    - [Interviewer] No one had any idea
  • 00:09:21
    that Clive was about to become one
  • 00:09:23
    of the most extreme cases of amnesia in the world.
  • 00:09:29
    (dramatic music)
  • 00:09:33
    Clive's descent into brain damage
  • 00:09:35
    came frighteningly quickly one week in March 1985
  • 00:09:39
    when he came home from work looking flushed and feverish.
  • 00:09:43
    On Saturday his headache started.
  • 00:09:46
    By Tuesday he was no better and he hadn't slept.
  • 00:09:50
    His temperature was 102.
  • 00:09:52
    By Wednesday he was very confused
  • 00:09:54
    and couldn't remember Deborah's name.
  • 00:09:56
    His temperature was 104.
  • 00:09:59
    Doctors came and went and Deborah left him sleeping.
  • 00:10:03
    But when she came home,
  • 00:10:04
    Clive had disappeared from their flat.
  • 00:10:07
    - I called his name. There was no reply.
  • 00:10:10
    I went into the bedroom, the bed was empty.
  • 00:10:14
    And I knew something terrible had happened.
  • 00:10:18
    - [Interviewer] Over the next few hours,
  • 00:10:19
    Deborah rang hospitals and police stations across London.
  • 00:10:23
    No one had seen Clive.
  • 00:10:25
    (suspenseful music)
  • 00:10:27
    - And we sat and we sat and we sat,
  • 00:10:29
    and then a man's voice, the phone rang,
  • 00:10:32
    and the man's voice said, "Are you Mrs. Wearing?"
  • 00:10:36
    "Yes."
  • 00:10:38
    "We've got your husband."
  • 00:10:40
    "Thank God!"
  • 00:10:42
    Clive had gone out fully dressed with his overcoat
  • 00:10:45
    and a copy of "The Times" under his arm, hailed a cab,
  • 00:10:49
    but couldn't remember where he lived.
  • 00:10:51
    He wanted to go home
  • 00:10:52
    and he couldn't remember where he lived.
  • 00:10:54
    And the cab driver had dropped him
  • 00:10:56
    at West Hampton Police Station
  • 00:10:58
    and the police had traced him by his Barclaycard.
  • 00:11:01
    So, we got there and we took him home
  • 00:11:05
    and Clive went to walk past the gate
  • 00:11:07
    and I stopped him and I said, "No, it's here."
  • 00:11:09
    And he said, "Oh, is this where we live?"
  • 00:11:12
    And I said, "Yes."
  • 00:11:13
    And he didn't recognize the building.
  • 00:11:15
    (suspenseful music)
  • 00:11:18
    - [Interviewer] Two doctors made home visits
  • 00:11:19
    and concluded that Clive was suffering from a severe bout
  • 00:11:22
    of flu that was doing the rounds in North London.
  • 00:11:28
    - But the Friday morning he wasn't answering me,
  • 00:11:31
    and I picked up one of his arms and it was floppy.
  • 00:11:34
    So, I rang the doctor again.
  • 00:11:36
    I said, "He's gone floppy!
  • 00:11:38
    He's gone floppy, get here now!"
  • 00:11:41
    And the doctor came, took one look at Clive and dialed 999.
  • 00:11:47
    Went out of the front door, walked down the stairs,
  • 00:11:50
    and as he turned the landing he said,
  • 00:11:52
    "This is the strangest case I've ever seen."
  • 00:11:56
    (siren blaring)
  • 00:12:00
    We got to the hospital,
  • 00:12:01
    and I just remember going through these clear plastic
  • 00:12:04
    rubber doors, they were like a valve.
  • 00:12:08
    And as those doors flapped shut behind us,
  • 00:12:11
    it was just like our life as we knew it was over.
  • 00:12:17
    (tense music) (machine beeping)
  • 00:12:22
    - [Interviewer] Once Clive was inside St. Mary's Hospital,
  • 00:12:24
    the doctors fought to hold his fever
  • 00:12:27
    and desperately conducted tests.
  • 00:12:29
    They realized that Clive's brain was being attacked
  • 00:12:31
    by the herpes simplex or cold sore virus.
  • 00:12:38
    - Occasionally this virus crosses the blood-brain barrier
  • 00:12:42
    and gets into the brain.
  • 00:12:43
    Nobody knows why or how, incredibly rare.
  • 00:12:48
    It's a one in a million chance that it's gonna happen.
  • 00:12:51
    And it caused an inflammation of the brain
  • 00:12:54
    which was called encephalitis.
  • 00:12:58
    - From what the doctors said
  • 00:13:02
    about how bad the temperature had been
  • 00:13:06
    and how ill he'd been,
  • 00:13:10
    I was very concerned that he wasn't going to live.
  • 00:13:15
    I was fairly convinced that I'd come to see my dad die.
  • 00:13:25
    (sighs) And then he didn't.
  • 00:13:29
    (somber music)
  • 00:13:30
    - [Interviewer] Clive was given a new drug called acyclovir.
  • 00:13:33
    It saved his life but came too late to prevent brain damage.
  • 00:13:38
    The virus had destroyed Clive's hippocampus,
  • 00:13:40
    an area of the brain crucial for memory and learning,
  • 00:13:44
    leaving him with dense amnesia.
  • 00:13:48
    (somber music)
  • 00:13:54
    - [Clive] How many years have I been ill?
  • 00:13:56
    - [Interviewer] About 20.
  • 00:13:58
    - About 20.
  • 00:13:59
    Can you imagine what it's like
  • 00:14:00
    to have one night 20 years long with no dream?
  • 00:14:04
    That's what it's been like. Just like death.
  • 00:14:08
    No difference between day and night, no thoughts at all.
  • 00:14:13
    In that sense it's been totally painless,
  • 00:14:17
    which is not something which is very desirable,
  • 00:14:19
    really, is it?
  • 00:14:21
    'Cause it's precisely like death.
  • 00:14:24
    If you have no senses of pain,
  • 00:14:26
    you have no sense of any kind working either.
  • 00:14:30
    I don't remember sitting down on this chair,
  • 00:14:31
    for example, the settee as it is.
  • 00:14:33
    That was unknown to me.
  • 00:14:35
    I've never seen a human being since I've been,
  • 00:14:37
    that's the first photograph I've seen of anybody.
  • 00:14:40
    - [Interviewer] And who is that photograph?
  • 00:14:41
    - It's one of my sons.
  • 00:14:42
    I can't remember his name.
  • 00:14:44
    It's gone now.
  • 00:14:46
    Last time I knew him he was still at school.
  • 00:14:49
    That's how many years it's been.
  • 00:14:51
    - A few years before he would have died from it.
  • 00:14:54
    And a few years later they might have spotted it quicker
  • 00:14:57
    or maybe a different doctor might have
  • 00:14:58
    spotted it quicker or whatever.
  • 00:15:00
    So, it was just on the cusp of that change.
  • 00:15:04
    And yeah, he's suffered for that, I think.
  • 00:15:08
    - In my own mind it was the question of
  • 00:15:10
    is it right that he's been ill for so many days
  • 00:15:14
    and how much damage has been done to his brain in that time?
  • 00:15:18
    And whether it was the right thing or the wrong thing
  • 00:15:22
    that he was treated and everybody fought for him
  • 00:15:26
    as much as they did.
  • 00:15:27
    (somber music)
  • 00:15:28
    - [Interviewer] Clive remained at St. Mary's Paddington
  • 00:15:31
    for seven years.
  • 00:15:32
    There was nowhere else suitable for him to go.
  • 00:15:35
    His mood swung from euphoria to sadness within weeks
  • 00:15:39
    and confusion and despair set in.
  • 00:15:43
    - He was in severe shock,
  • 00:15:44
    so he was just crying all the time.
  • 00:15:45
    You'd come in and you'd say, "Oh hi, I'm your son."
  • 00:15:48
    "You're my son. I don't recognize you!"
  • 00:15:50
    And then he'd be crying again
  • 00:15:51
    and you're just stuck in that loop for months.
  • 00:15:55
    - I said, "Clive, can you tell me why you're crying?"
  • 00:15:59
    And he said, "No."
  • 00:16:01
    And I handed him a little notepad and a pen
  • 00:16:04
    and I said, "Can you write it?"
  • 00:16:07
    I said, "Just write quickly why are you crying."
  • 00:16:10
    And he wrote, "I am completely incapable of thinking."
  • 00:16:20
    - (crying) It's all I've gotta do.
  • 00:16:25
    (answering machine beeps)
  • 00:16:26
    Hello, darling, it's Clive here.
  • 00:16:27
    I don't care about anybody else in the world.
  • 00:16:29
    Just you. Please come.
  • 00:16:31
    I love you. Bye-bye, darling.
  • 00:16:36
    (answering machine beeps)
  • 00:16:37
    - [Interviewer] These messages were recorded
  • 00:16:39
    on Deborah's answer phone minutes after she'd left him.
  • 00:16:42
    - [Clive] Anyone else but you, darling.
  • 00:16:44
    Can you come and see me, please?
  • 00:16:46
    I've no clue what's happened.
  • 00:16:47
    I just wanna talk to you.
  • 00:16:48
    - [Interviewer] Deborah visited Clive daily
  • 00:16:49
    but he couldn't remember her being there.
  • 00:16:52
    - I don't care how late it is.
  • 00:16:54
    Come to me at midnight or one o'clock in the morning,
  • 00:16:56
    I don't mind.
  • 00:16:57
    I just love you and I want you to come
  • 00:16:58
    as soon as you can, will you, darling?
  • 00:17:01
    Take care. I love you.
  • 00:17:01
    I haven't seen you yet and I want to.
  • 00:17:03
    Please come, darling. Bye-bye.
  • 00:17:07
    (answering machine beeps)
  • 00:17:10
    I've let myself in.
  • 00:17:20
    The first time I've seen a human being.
  • 00:17:26
    - Every moment for Clive is the first moment
  • 00:17:29
    because the amnesia is rubbing everything out
  • 00:17:33
    immediately after it happens.
  • 00:17:35
    Not only does he not remember anything that's happened
  • 00:17:38
    to him since he was ill, he doesn't remember anything
  • 00:17:42
    that's ever happened to him in the whole of his life.
  • 00:17:46
    He knows about things.
  • 00:17:48
    He knows that he worked for the BBC,
  • 00:17:51
    but he does not have any event in his mind
  • 00:17:56
    that he can bring to his mind's eye.
  • 00:17:58
    He knows that we are married.
  • 00:18:01
    He does not remember the wedding.
  • 00:18:08
    - [Interviewer] Where's your diary, Mr. Wearing?
  • 00:18:10
    - No idea. Never seen it.
  • 00:18:15
    It says, "7:16 a.m., first act."
  • 00:18:16
    Well, I don't remember that at all.
  • 00:18:18
    It was only a dream.
  • 00:18:36
    First diary entry I've made consciously.
  • 00:18:39
    - [Interviewer] Clive keeps a diary every day
  • 00:18:42
    and has done for 20 years in an effort
  • 00:18:44
    to make sense of his life.
  • 00:18:46
    He writes multiple entries
  • 00:18:47
    recording his last conscious moment.
  • 00:18:52
    - He would look at his watch to see what time
  • 00:18:55
    was this momentous event occurring of first consciousness.
  • 00:19:00
    And so he would write down "10:06, awake first time."
  • 00:19:05
    And then have the same sensation and put,
  • 00:19:08
    "10:07, awake. First time truly awake.
  • 00:19:12
    First time. Ignore the last entry.
  • 00:19:16
    Now I'm awake.
  • 00:19:17
    This is the first real awakeness."
  • 00:19:19
    And so the diaries are line by line
  • 00:19:23
    a succession of astonished awakenings.
  • 00:19:30
    That's 1990 when he'd been suffering amnesia
  • 00:19:35
    for just five years.
  • 00:19:38
    And this is the effect on him seven years on.
  • 00:19:42
    But you can see that he's by no means
  • 00:19:46
    resolved his anguish, by no means.
  • 00:19:50
    He writes the time now in a big hand,
  • 00:19:54
    and a tick, a tick to say, "Yes, that's authentic.
  • 00:19:58
    I wrote that. It's authentic.
  • 00:20:00
    That's definitely me awake."
  • 00:20:01
    He has to then cross through the previous ticks
  • 00:20:05
    and do a new tick with a circle round it
  • 00:20:07
    to say this is the real one,
  • 00:20:09
    and that wasn't the real one.
  • 00:20:10
    The next time he comes back, and so on.
  • 00:20:12
    So, there's a constant desperate series
  • 00:20:15
    of scrubbing out all the previous entries
  • 00:20:18
    and saying, "Now I'm awake!
  • 00:20:20
    Now I'm awake!"
  • 00:20:22
    And the pencil just becomes blurred and it goes on.
  • 00:20:26
    And I mean, it's so thick, the pencil,
  • 00:20:27
    it's almost as if he's using the pencil to dig himself
  • 00:20:32
    back into time to try to fix himself
  • 00:20:35
    in a continuum to have more than one moment at a time,
  • 00:20:39
    but he never can.
  • 00:20:42
    "People's interest in the diary of rubbish."
  • 00:20:44
    What does that mean?
  • 00:20:45
    - I have no idea.
  • 00:20:46
    - Did you write that?
  • 00:20:47
    - I have no conscious knowledge of it at all, no.
  • 00:20:50
    You're showing it to me now for the first time.
  • 00:20:51
    - Is it your handwriting?
  • 00:20:52
    - Yes, it is, but I know nothing about it at all.
  • 00:20:54
    - So how do you think it got there?
  • 00:20:56
    - Found it?
  • 00:20:57
    I presume the doctors don't know.
  • 00:20:58
    - [Deborah] But you must have-
  • 00:20:59
    - [Clive] No, I haven't!
  • 00:21:00
    Haven't seen the book at all till now.
  • 00:21:01
    - No, all I'm saying, darling- - No, that's mean.
  • 00:21:02
    That means I haven't seen it.
  • 00:21:03
    I have no knowledge of it at all.
  • 00:21:06
    That's all.
  • 00:21:07
    There's no knowledge of that book at all.
  • 00:21:08
    It's entirely new to me.
  • 00:21:10
    - Who would put that apart from you?
  • 00:21:11
    - I don't know.
  • 00:21:13
    Oh, for heaven's sake, use your intelligence.
  • 00:21:14
    For heaven's sake.
  • 00:21:15
    I haven't (indistinct) read the bloody thing.
  • 00:21:16
    - I'm sorry, darling.
  • 00:21:17
    - Well use your intelligence.
  • 00:21:18
    - I'm sorry.
  • 00:21:19
    (somber music)
  • 00:21:26
    - [Interviewer] The doctors don't know
  • 00:21:27
    why Clive's aggressive outbursts have gradually stopped.
  • 00:21:32
    Have you written in your diary today?
  • 00:21:34
    - I'm sorry?
  • 00:21:35
    - [Interviewer] Have you written in your diary today?
  • 00:21:36
    - I've never seen a diary since I've been ill.
  • 00:21:38
    I don't know. Had no idea it was there.
  • 00:21:41
    It's now noon.
  • 00:21:45
    That's at least an hour out of date,
  • 00:21:46
    an hour and three minutes out of date.
  • 00:21:50
    (somber music)
  • 00:22:03
    There. First time I've seen my writing.
  • 00:22:07
    First time I've seen my room,
  • 00:22:08
    first time I've seen human beings.
  • 00:22:14
    I've never had a dream or a thought.
  • 00:22:15
    Day and night are the same.
  • 00:22:17
    No thoughts of any kind.
  • 00:22:24
    It says, "You're here."
  • 00:22:27
    Is that you? (chuckles)
  • 00:22:30
    "You're here," it says.
  • 00:22:31
    Coffee drinking at three minutes past 10.
  • 00:22:34
    That was unknown to me.
  • 00:22:35
    I've never seen anyone except for you three people,
  • 00:22:38
    two men, and one lady.
  • 00:22:39
    (somber music)
  • 00:22:47
    - [Interviewer] Clive's condition was hard
  • 00:22:49
    for Deborah to bear.
  • 00:22:52
    - You asked me when did I decide to divorce him
  • 00:22:55
    and when did I decide to leave?
  • 00:22:58
    It wasn't really a decision.
  • 00:23:00
    It was an imperative.
  • 00:23:02
    There was no way any human being could continue in that way.
  • 00:23:08
    We had the same dialogue in a loop tape, repeated verbatim
  • 00:23:12
    with the same inflection, the same tone of voice,
  • 00:23:15
    the same expression on the face for, well,
  • 00:23:21
    the whole nine years until I left.
  • 00:23:23
    And we were still having that conversation
  • 00:23:25
    as I was backing out of the room.
  • 00:23:30
    (bright music)
  • 00:23:32
    - [Interviewer] Clive became ill and hospitalized
  • 00:23:34
    only 18 months after marrying Deborah.
  • 00:23:37
    Three years after the virus attacked his brain,
  • 00:23:40
    the strain on their lives was beginning to show.
  • 00:23:44
    - It's like being a wife and widow simultaneously.
  • 00:23:49
    I lost Clive, or most of Clive, three years ago
  • 00:23:54
    because without consciousness, he's in many senses dead.
  • 00:24:00
    - [Interviewer] To ease her pain,
  • 00:24:01
    Deborah campaigned for seven years to find Clive
  • 00:24:04
    a secure and permanent home
  • 00:24:06
    with around the clock care that he needed.
  • 00:24:09
    In 1992, he was finally moved
  • 00:24:11
    to a new specialist brain unit outside London.
  • 00:24:16
    Deborah's mission was accomplished,
  • 00:24:18
    but she had exhausted herself,
  • 00:24:20
    and Clive was increasingly having fits in her presence.
  • 00:24:24
    (bright music)
  • 00:24:25
    With no hope of living together again,
  • 00:24:27
    Deborah divorced Clive and flew to America.
  • 00:24:33
    - I was in my mid-30s.
  • 00:24:34
    I wanted kids.
  • 00:24:36
    I didn't want to be on my own all the time.
  • 00:24:37
    It was very lonely.
  • 00:24:38
    And I thought maybe having a relationship with somebody else
  • 00:24:41
    and having kids would help to heal the pain.
  • 00:24:45
    (bright music) (horns honking)
  • 00:24:47
    I rang him up to say, "Hello, darling, I've arrived."
  • 00:24:51
    Although, of course, he didn't know I'd left
  • 00:24:52
    'cause he didn't know I'd ever been there.
  • 00:24:53
    And it didn't really make any difference where I was.
  • 00:24:56
    It didn't matter whether I was in London
  • 00:24:57
    or New York or Timbuktu.
  • 00:25:02
    I tended to fall for just completely impossible people
  • 00:25:06
    who were all artists of some kind.
  • 00:25:08
    And as soon as I became close to anybody
  • 00:25:13
    and had conversations with them,
  • 00:25:15
    you know, the relationship just dissolved
  • 00:25:18
    because they weren't Clive, basically. (chuckles)
  • 00:25:26
    I was looking for Clive, I guess.
  • 00:25:31
    - [Interviewer] Did he ever ask you
  • 00:25:32
    when you were coming home?
  • 00:25:33
    - [Deborah] No.
  • 00:25:35
    - [Interviewer] Did he ever ask you what you were doing?
  • 00:25:37
    - No. He showed no curiosity.
  • 00:25:40
    He just wanted to let me know that he was awake.
  • 00:25:45
    He'd say, "When are you coming?"
  • 00:25:49
    And I'd say, "As soon as I can."
  • 00:25:52
    And then he'd say, "Oh, please come at the speed of light.
  • 00:25:56
    Come at the speed of light.
  • 00:25:58
    Come by helicopter!"
  • 00:26:00
    (somber music)
  • 00:26:05
    - [Interviewer] In 1996, Deborah had to make a choice
  • 00:26:08
    whether to remain in America
  • 00:26:10
    and apply for permanent residency and a green card.
  • 00:26:16
    She returned to the UK, drawn back to Clive.
  • 00:26:20
    She settled in Nottingham,
  • 00:26:22
    working for the brain injury charity Headway.
  • 00:26:25
    Deborah had come full circle.
  • 00:26:30
    - And I came back still not knowing how to live.
  • 00:26:33
    And still with a huge emptiness,
  • 00:26:35
    a great sucking emptiness inside
  • 00:26:37
    that could never be filled.
  • 00:26:39
    Still with a sense of needing to go home,
  • 00:26:42
    but where's home?
  • 00:26:44
    'Cause home was where he was but I couldn't be with him.
  • 00:26:47
    (bright music)
  • 00:26:51
    - [Clive] I knew you were coming.
  • 00:26:55
    - I was just going around in ever decreasing circles,
  • 00:26:58
    but it was the same.
  • 00:26:59
    It was just more of the same.
  • 00:27:01
    I'd reached really the end of my tether,
  • 00:27:04
    and I rang a friend and I asked her to pray for me.
  • 00:27:08
    She was the only Christian I knew.
  • 00:27:10
    And as she was whispering away to God,
  • 00:27:12
    and I just felt this extraordinary power coming into me
  • 00:27:20
    and I knew that God was in my room.
  • 00:27:24
    I just had this incredible sense
  • 00:27:28
    that I was really, really loved.
  • 00:27:32
    I mean, so loved.
  • 00:27:33
    And that emptiness that I had been trying to fill
  • 00:27:36
    all those years with relationships, with food, with alcohol,
  • 00:27:43
    I was filled.
  • 00:27:45
    That emptiness was gone.
  • 00:27:47
    (dramatic music)
  • 00:27:58
    And the steps.
  • 00:28:02
    This is St Etheldreda's, St Etheldreda's eating place.
  • 00:28:09
    - [Interviewer] Clive is visiting St Etheldreda's Church
  • 00:28:12
    in London for the first time
  • 00:28:14
    since he recorded a concert there in 1982.
  • 00:28:18
    (dramatic music)
  • 00:28:22
    - It's amazing to have the acoustic of the churches.
  • 00:28:24
    It's quite unlike the sort of concert hall.
  • 00:28:26
    - [Deborah] Yeah, yes.
  • 00:28:27
    - There's lots of echos and long reverberation.
  • 00:28:30
    It's very special in that way.
  • 00:28:31
    - [Deborah] Listen. See how quiet it is.
  • 00:28:34
    - I can hear some music in the distance.
  • 00:28:37
    - I remember last time we were here
  • 00:28:40
    you were conducting the Lassus Requiem.
  • 00:28:43
    - Was I? Oh.
  • 00:28:44
    - And it was for the International Lassus Festival
  • 00:28:49
    that you put on, and you came in here,
  • 00:28:52
    and none of the pews were here,
  • 00:28:54
    and you used the whole building-
  • 00:28:56
    - For the acoustics.
  • 00:28:59
    - It was far from a concert.
  • 00:29:00
    It was actually a celebration of the mass
  • 00:29:06
    as if Lassus had just died.
  • 00:29:09
    It was extraordinary.
  • 00:29:10
    And it was so moving that there were people here
  • 00:29:14
    who were crying.
  • 00:29:15
    (Clive whimpers)
  • 00:29:16
    And it was broadcast live to five countries
  • 00:29:21
    and you were directing it.
  • 00:29:23
    And it was so moving.
  • 00:29:24
    It was so moving that everyone was in tears.
  • 00:29:33
    That's how good a musical director you were.
  • 00:29:36
    It was just live.
  • 00:29:38
    And you gave the audience,
  • 00:29:40
    whether they were sitting at home listening to the radio
  • 00:29:43
    or whether they were walking round here in the dark
  • 00:29:45
    with candlelight flickering, you gave them an experience
  • 00:29:49
    of something deep and profound and spiritual.
  • 00:29:53
    And they went away after your concerts
  • 00:29:54
    and they were never the same again.
  • 00:29:57
    You did it, darling.
  • 00:29:59
    - I'm amazed that you would say that.
  • 00:30:00
    I can't think that.
  • 00:30:02
    - Oh, you were marvelous.
  • 00:30:03
    - No.
  • 00:30:04
    - You still are marvelous.
  • 00:30:06
    (choir vocalizing)
  • 00:30:30
    (soft suspenseful music)
  • 00:30:35
    - Clever car driver. Double CD.
  • 00:30:37
    Fine Wearing keep.
  • 00:30:39
    Extremely pleasant the garage that came from.
  • 00:30:41
    - [Interviewer] Clive makes phrases out of the letters
  • 00:30:43
    on car number plates as they flash past.
  • 00:30:47
    - The great king of kings.
  • 00:30:48
    His two-door carriage was a rare sight.
  • 00:30:52
    - [Deborah] Thank you, my love.
  • 00:30:53
    - [Clive] Ladies first forever.
  • 00:30:54
    - [Deborah] Thank you.
  • 00:30:56
    - Cheers, cheers. - Cheers.
  • 00:31:00
    (both laugh)
  • 00:31:01
    Guess what my job is.
  • 00:31:03
    - [Clive] Head of United Nations.
  • 00:31:04
    - No. - No?
  • 00:31:05
    Head of the British Empire?
  • 00:31:06
    - Mm-mm. - No?
  • 00:31:07
    - Guess.
  • 00:31:08
    - PR?
  • 00:31:09
    - PR!
  • 00:31:10
    (Clive laughs)
  • 00:31:11
    Wow, that's amazing.
  • 00:31:14
    Yeah, I do.
  • 00:31:16
    That's very clever.
  • 00:31:20
    Well done, darling.
  • 00:31:22
    Can I give you a kiss?
  • 00:31:24
    - Thank you. (Deborah laughs)
  • 00:31:28
    So that's what it is.
  • 00:31:30
    - You astound me sometimes.
  • 00:31:32
    You take my breath away.
  • 00:31:35
    I love you. - I'd rather you didn't
  • 00:31:36
    lose your breath.
  • 00:31:36
    - [Deborah] Hmm?
  • 00:31:37
    - You're not to stop breathing, though.
  • 00:31:38
    - No, I won't.
  • 00:31:40
    (indistinct)
  • 00:31:43
    Do you know what I do for a living?
  • 00:31:45
    - You earn money.
  • 00:31:46
    - Yeah, but what do you think my job is?
  • 00:31:48
    - Running the United Nations.
  • 00:31:49
    - No really, what do you think it is?
  • 00:31:51
    - I don't know, really. - Guess.
  • 00:31:52
    - Head of United, no, British Empire.
  • 00:31:54
    - Guess.
  • 00:31:56
    What can you see me doing?
  • 00:32:00
    - Being a film star.
  • 00:32:02
    - No, really.
  • 00:32:02
    - (chuckles) I don't know.
  • 00:32:04
    - PR, public relations. - Oh, I see.
  • 00:32:06
    Well done.
  • 00:32:09
    That's an exciting life, though, isn't it?
  • 00:32:11
    No two days the same.
  • 00:32:12
    They're always different, aren't they?
  • 00:32:13
    (gentle music)
  • 00:32:21
    - [Interviewer] Deborah renewed her marriage vows
  • 00:32:22
    with Clive three years ago,
  • 00:32:24
    although they'll always have to live apart.
  • 00:32:28
    - [Deborah] What does this house mean to you?
  • 00:32:31
    - The opposite of walking in the open air. (chuckles)
  • 00:32:35
    The necessity for life, a house.
  • 00:32:36
    - [Deborah] This house.
  • 00:32:37
    What is this house? - Never seen it before.
  • 00:32:42
    - [Interviewer] What does this place mean to you?
  • 00:32:43
    - I don't know. It doesn't mean anything.
  • 00:32:44
    I've never seen it before.
  • 00:32:47
    (bird squawks)
  • 00:32:48
    Hello. (chuckles)
  • 00:32:50
    How low is Heaven-o if hello is very Hell-o? (snorts)
  • 00:32:54
    - It's not familiar then?
  • 00:32:56
    The house? - I've never seen it before.
  • 00:32:57
    I've never seen a human being since I've been ill.
  • 00:32:59
    - Where do you think it is?
  • 00:33:00
    - I have no idea.
  • 00:33:01
    - Guess. - Don't know what year it is.
  • 00:33:02
    - Guess where it might be. - No idea.
  • 00:33:03
    It could be anywhere from Scotland to Cornwall.
  • 00:33:06
    Do you think you've ever been here before?
  • 00:33:09
    - No.
  • 00:33:14
    There's my initials backwards, WDC.
  • 00:33:17
    - Should we go in?
  • 00:33:18
    - Yes, please.
  • 00:33:19
    - What do you think we'll find when we get in?
  • 00:33:20
    - Alcohol.
  • 00:33:22
    - Let's hope, eh?
  • 00:33:23
    (Clive laughs)
  • 00:33:24
    - Champagne I want when we get in.
  • 00:33:27
    - [Interviewer] What do you think life's been like
  • 00:33:28
    for your father?
  • 00:33:29
    - Hell. I can't imagine anything worse.
  • 00:33:34
    Must be really frightening to be constantly waking up
  • 00:33:39
    to something that you don't recognize.
  • 00:33:43
    Every seven seconds or however long
  • 00:33:48
    he can remember anything for,
  • 00:33:50
    to sort of turn round and, where am I?
  • 00:33:53
    And you do it again and you don't know where you are.
  • 00:33:56
    I can't imagine anything more frightening.
  • 00:33:58
    Must be like a nightmare.
  • 00:34:01
    Really must.
  • 00:34:14
    (upbeat music)
  • 00:34:27
    - [Interviewer] Deborah is planning
  • 00:34:28
    a momentous trip for Clive.
  • 00:34:32
    - [Deborah] Where would you like to go?
  • 00:34:34
    - Best pub in the country.
  • 00:34:35
    - If you could go anywhere, where would you like to go?
  • 00:34:36
    - I have no idea. No idea.
  • 00:34:38
    - Well, I'm gonna take you home.
  • 00:34:40
    - Oh, I see. That's marvelous, yes. (laughs)
  • 00:34:42
    - Do you know where home is?
  • 00:34:43
    - No. - Guess.
  • 00:34:45
    - Yesterday.
  • 00:34:46
    - Home is yesterday.
  • 00:34:48
    - Yesterday which is not today.
  • 00:34:50
    - That's not a bad answer, actually.
  • 00:34:52
    Home is yesterday.
  • 00:34:54
    That's true.
  • 00:34:55
    - Yesterday never stops.
  • 00:34:55
    - And home is also next Tuesday.
  • 00:34:57
    - Oh, I see. (chuckles)
  • 00:34:59
    - I live in Reading.
  • 00:35:00
    - Oh, I see.
  • 00:35:02
    - You ever been to Reading? - It looks like reading
  • 00:35:03
    the way it's spelled, doesn't it?
  • 00:35:04
    - Do you think you've ever been to Reading?
  • 00:35:06
    - Yes, I have been.
  • 00:35:07
    - Have you? - Yes.
  • 00:35:08
    I've been to almost every city there is
  • 00:35:09
    and every little town. - I suppose you could have
  • 00:35:10
    gone when Howard was studying there.
  • 00:35:12
    - Yeah.
  • 00:35:13
    - Yeah, I didn't know you'd ever been there.
  • 00:35:15
    - Yes, it's very familiar. - You've never
  • 00:35:15
    mentioned Reading.
  • 00:35:16
    - No, it's not very interesting
  • 00:35:18
    because I have no memory of going there.
  • 00:35:19
    - Yeah, not a very interesting place.
  • 00:35:21
    - No. - No.
  • 00:35:27
    Can you name a town in Berkshire?
  • 00:35:28
    - No, I can't. I can't remember-
  • 00:35:30
    - Do you know where I live?
  • 00:35:31
    - No.
  • 00:35:33
    - Guess.
  • 00:35:34
    - I have no idea.
  • 00:35:35
    - Begins with R.
  • 00:35:36
    - Have no idea.
  • 00:35:37
    - Reading.
  • 00:35:38
    - Oh really? - Yeah.
  • 00:35:39
    - It's spelled wrong. It should be reading.
  • 00:35:40
    (upbeat music)
  • 00:35:43
    What's that word?
  • 00:35:44
    - [Interviewer] Clive is going home
  • 00:35:46
    for the first time in 13 years.
  • 00:35:49
    - Do you remember the car your parents drove?
  • 00:35:51
    Your father drove?
  • 00:35:52
    - No, I can't remember. It's all gone.
  • 00:35:54
    - You remember the number plate.
  • 00:35:55
    - UN941.
  • 00:35:56
    - UN941.
  • 00:35:58
    - Yeah. - You do.
  • 00:35:59
    - [Clive] But I can't remember the car.
  • 00:36:00
    - Do you remember the phone number
  • 00:36:02
    when you were a little boy?
  • 00:36:03
    - 3164.
  • 00:36:04
    (upbeat music)
  • 00:36:07
    - [Interviewer] Remarkably, Clive can still recall details
  • 00:36:10
    from his childhood, numbers embedded in his memory
  • 00:36:13
    before he became ill.
  • 00:36:18
    There's another guest expected for lunch,
  • 00:36:21
    Clive's youngest son, Edmund,
  • 00:36:23
    who has not seen his father for seven years.
  • 00:36:27
    - Things I used to do with my father
  • 00:36:29
    always revolved around his work.
  • 00:36:32
    We'd be either going to places such as the British Museum
  • 00:36:36
    for his research, or we'd be going to concert venues
  • 00:36:40
    or recording venues.
  • 00:36:42
    We would often end up in churches.
  • 00:36:44
    And he could walk into a church or a cathedral anywhere
  • 00:36:47
    in Europe and read it like a book.
  • 00:36:50
    He had a vast amount of knowledge,
  • 00:36:52
    and that's just been wiped out.
  • 00:36:55
    It's been a difficult time
  • 00:36:59
    (bell rings)
  • 00:37:02
    - [Interviewer] Seconds before Edmund's arrival,
  • 00:37:04
    Deborah has primed Clive to expect him.
  • 00:37:07
    - Ah, look who it is, darling.
  • 00:37:11
    Hello.
  • 00:37:13
    - Oh, well done. - Ah!
  • 00:37:15
    - Hi, Dad. How are you? - Back home.
  • 00:37:17
    - Yes, very pleased to see a human being for the first time.
  • 00:37:19
    - Ah.
  • 00:37:20
    - Never seen anyone since I've been ill.
  • 00:37:21
    - I brought some flowers for that lovely wife of yours.
  • 00:37:23
    - She's gorgeous, isn't she?
  • 00:37:25
    - Oh, thank you. (Clive laughs)
  • 00:37:26
    - There you are. - Thank you very much.
  • 00:37:27
    Thank you.
  • 00:37:28
    - I thought you'd like that. (kisses smacking)
  • 00:37:29
    - Thank you.
  • 00:37:30
    - It's not quite red, white, and blue, though,
  • 00:37:30
    the color, is it?
  • 00:37:31
    - Aren't they lovely?
  • 00:37:32
    - [Edmund] They're more pinky.
  • 00:37:33
    - Most countries don't have pubs.
  • 00:37:35
    What a strange institution.
  • 00:37:36
    - [Interviewer] What does normality feel like the you now?
  • 00:37:39
    - [Clive] Certainly, at the end of a day's work-
  • 00:37:40
    - Great luxury and something that, you know,
  • 00:37:44
    to be really valued and appreciated.
  • 00:37:47
    It's very precious.
  • 00:37:48
    We haven't had a family meal for 20 years.
  • 00:37:58
    - [Interviewer] Deborah, what will this day mean to Clive?
  • 00:38:01
    - Nothing.
  • 00:38:03
    Nothing in his conscious memory.
  • 00:38:05
    I mean, even while he's here, he doesn't know we're here.
  • 00:38:09
    And when he's in the car, he won't know we've been here.
  • 00:38:11
    - [Interviewer] And he won't remember anything of it?
  • 00:38:13
    - Nope.
  • 00:38:14
    He doesn't remember anything that's ever happened
  • 00:38:15
    in the last 20 years, ever.
  • 00:38:18
    - [Interviewer] What do you say to Clive
  • 00:38:19
    when he gets confused and disorientated?
  • 00:38:22
    How do you deal with that?
  • 00:38:23
    - Well, he's disoriented all the time, but it doesn't matter
  • 00:38:28
    because we don't need to be in time.
  • 00:38:30
    We don't need to be in any particular place.
  • 00:38:34
    We're on another plane, Clive and I.
  • 00:38:37
    We're in a world where there is no time.
  • 00:38:42
    - [Interviewer] After four hours,
  • 00:38:43
    Deborah has to take Clive back to the brain injury unit.
  • 00:38:47
    Has it gone well?
  • 00:38:49
    (Clive and Edmund chattering)
  • 00:38:53
    - I don't really want to answer that, thank you.
  • 00:38:55
    (Clive and Edmund chattering)
  • 00:38:59
    - [Clive] Why is giant pronounced the way it is?
  • 00:39:00
    It should be gee-unt.
  • 00:39:04
    - Sorry.
  • 00:39:05
    That was very rude.
  • 00:39:07
    That was very rude.
  • 00:39:10
    Ask me that again.
  • 00:39:13
    - [Interviewer] I was just wondering how the day had been.
  • 00:39:19
    (Deborah sighs)
  • 00:39:22
    - Well, it's just so sad that it's not,
  • 00:39:25
    that's not our reality, and it's just so sad.
  • 00:39:30
    - Thank you.
  • 00:39:31
    Do you want this door shut?
  • 00:39:32
    - Yes, please. - All right.
  • 00:39:39
    - [Interviewer] And why have you
  • 00:39:40
    stayed away for seven years?
  • 00:39:42
    - It's too painful.
  • 00:39:46
    - [Interviewer] Was it easier to stay away?
  • 00:39:47
    - Oh yeah. Yeah, it was the easy way out.
  • 00:39:53
    There didn't seem any point either
  • 00:39:54
    'cause he didn't remember.
  • 00:39:56
    He'd write it in his diary, but he'd turn over the page
  • 00:39:59
    and start writing the next day.
  • 00:40:02
    - [Interviewer] Did he know who you were?
  • 00:40:05
    - More or less.
  • 00:40:06
    Sometimes he'd need a bit of prompting.
  • 00:40:09
    He's got a quick mind.
  • 00:40:11
    If friends came up that he didn't recognize
  • 00:40:14
    and he understood that he was supposed
  • 00:40:16
    to recognize these people,
  • 00:40:18
    then he would greet them like long lost friends.
  • 00:40:21
    And he'd work on that until somebody
  • 00:40:25
    told him what he needed to know.
  • 00:40:27
    So, he was always a difficult man to fool. (chuckles)
  • 00:40:31
    And those were the things, ya know, that I was always
  • 00:40:33
    pleased to see because I knew that his mind
  • 00:40:35
    was working overtime and I knew that that was him.
  • 00:40:40
    Other than that, he's just a shadow.
  • 00:40:43
    (dramatic piano music)
  • 00:40:52
    - [Interviewer] Today, Clive's sister Adele
  • 00:40:54
    has come to see him.
  • 00:41:01
    - And we used to take his children to see him,
  • 00:41:03
    but he used to get very aggressive.
  • 00:41:05
    He was very angry.
  • 00:41:06
    You know, there was one occasion
  • 00:41:07
    when I went to see him on my own
  • 00:41:09
    and when I said who I was, he attacked me almost.
  • 00:41:15
    You know, grabbed hold of me very aggressively.
  • 00:41:18
    And the staff came in and sort of calmed it down.
  • 00:41:21
    But he remembered me when I was younger.
  • 00:41:23
    He just said, "No, you're too old."
  • 00:41:26
    - That's all four of us, is it?
  • 00:41:28
    - That's what Adele looked like.
  • 00:41:30
    How old do you think you all were then?
  • 00:41:32
    - I looked about 10 or 11.
  • 00:41:34
    - [Adele] I think I'm about four there, actually.
  • 00:41:36
    - [Deborah] About four.
  • 00:41:37
    - Yeah, so you're about 9 or 10 there.
  • 00:41:39
    - And doesn't Jeff look enormous compared with us?
  • 00:41:41
    - [Deborah] And he went off to sea
  • 00:41:42
    when he was 15, didn't he?
  • 00:41:44
    - [Adele] Yes, he went to the Merchant Navy.
  • 00:41:46
    - [Clive] Yeah, but the ships travel really quite slowly
  • 00:41:48
    compared with the aircraft, don't they?
  • 00:41:49
    - Oh, very slowly, yes.
  • 00:41:51
    I used to go and visit him.
  • 00:41:53
    I found it just so difficult.
  • 00:41:56
    And not easy to talk to him at all.
  • 00:41:59
    My husband who'd got no connection with him
  • 00:42:01
    found it much easier.
  • 00:42:02
    He could talk about things that were totally irrelevant
  • 00:42:05
    and quite happily carry on a conversation with him.
  • 00:42:08
    But I have always found that
  • 00:42:10
    an extremely difficult thing to do.
  • 00:42:12
    - [Clive] Oh, a shame.
  • 00:42:14
    - [Adele] It's been lovely to see you.
  • 00:42:16
    - (indistinct) see me.
  • 00:42:18
    - See you. All right.
  • 00:42:20
    - Oh, wonderful.
  • 00:42:21
    - [Adele] Bye-bye for now.
  • 00:42:24
    You stay there and I'll...
  • 00:42:26
    - Will you open the door?
  • 00:42:27
    - [Adele] I will.
  • 00:42:27
    - Are you going? - I'm going.
  • 00:42:28
    - [Clive] Oh, shame. (laughs)
  • 00:42:30
    - Bye-bye.
  • 00:42:31
    - [Clive] Back at the speed of light, please.
  • 00:42:33
    - [Adele] I'll do my best. Bye.
  • 00:42:35
    - Isn't she wonderful? (chuckles)
  • 00:42:41
    - [Interviewer] Do you remember Adele sitting next to you?
  • 00:42:43
    - No.
  • 00:42:46
    - [Interviewer] Can you remember what she was wearing?
  • 00:42:47
    - No. Never seen her.
  • 00:42:55
    You're the first human beings I've seen, three of you.
  • 00:42:58
    Two men and one lady.
  • 00:42:59
    The first people I've seen since I've been ill.
  • 00:43:02
    No difference in day and night.
  • 00:43:04
    No thoughts at all. No dreams.
  • 00:43:06
    Day and night the same. Blank.
  • 00:43:10
    Precisely like death.
  • 00:43:14
    - [Interviewer] Is it very hard?
  • 00:43:15
    - No.
  • 00:43:17
    It's exactly the same as being dead,
  • 00:43:18
    which is not difficult, is it?
  • 00:43:20
    Being dead is easy.
  • 00:43:21
    You don't do anything at all.
  • 00:43:24
    You can't do anything when you're dead.
  • 00:43:29
    It's been the same. Exactly.
  • 00:43:32
    - [Interviewer] Do you miss your old life?
  • 00:43:34
    - Yes, though I've never been conscious to think that.
  • 00:43:38
    So I've never been bored or upset.
  • 00:43:40
    Never been anything at all.
  • 00:43:42
    Exactly the same as death.
  • 00:43:44
    No dreams even.
  • 00:43:46
    Day and night the same.
  • 00:43:49
    - [Interviewer] When you miss your old life,
  • 00:43:50
    you say, "Yes, I miss my old life."
  • 00:43:52
    What do you miss?
  • 00:43:54
    - The fact that I was a musician and in love.
  • 00:43:59
    - He'll say things like, "Do you know what it's like?"
  • 00:44:01
    And that's really dangerous 'cause,
  • 00:44:03
    I actually did, I said yes once
  • 00:44:05
    'cause I was just saying yes (chuckles).
  • 00:44:08
    That was disastrous.
  • 00:44:09
    I've never said that again since.
  • 00:44:12
    - [Interviewer] Why?
  • 00:44:13
    - Because he says, "You don't know what it's like.
  • 00:44:14
    How do you know?"
  • 00:44:15
    And of course, he's right, isn't he? (chuckles)
  • 00:44:18
    So, there's no way you're gonna know what it's like.
  • 00:44:21
    - [Interviewer] He's still got some fight in him.
  • 00:44:22
    - Oh yeah, yeah.
  • 00:44:23
    But that's the thing.
  • 00:44:25
    Probably three-quarters of his personality
  • 00:44:27
    is still there functioning normally.
  • 00:44:30
    He will analyze what's happening.
  • 00:44:31
    He'll say, "Well, the doctors must be
  • 00:44:32
    very interested in this.
  • 00:44:34
    It's a very unusual case."
  • 00:44:35
    He worked it all out over and over again
  • 00:44:37
    because he doesn't really remember
  • 00:44:38
    that he worked it out an hour ago.
  • 00:44:40
    (leaves rustling)
  • 00:44:45
    (bright piano music)
  • 00:44:47
    (Clive blowing out air)
  • 00:44:49
    - [Deborah] (laughs) Woohoo!
  • 00:44:57
    - Deborah's done more for Dad than any other single person.
  • 00:45:02
    I very much doubt that I could have done that for him.
  • 00:45:07
    And that's hard.
  • 00:45:10
    That's very hard.
  • 00:45:12
    I think I'd have given up.
  • 00:45:15
    - Do you see that? - Yes.
  • 00:45:16
    - [Interviewer] When did you last see your father?
  • 00:45:18
    - [Deborah] Oh, it's revolting.
  • 00:45:18
    - I wouldn't like to say when it was
  • 00:45:19
    'cause I really can't remember.
  • 00:45:21
    It's too hard.
  • 00:45:25
    I wanted him to walk me down the aisle
  • 00:45:27
    when I got married and he couldn't.
  • 00:45:32
    I wanted him to know that I'd had his grandchildren
  • 00:45:37
    and he couldn't.
  • 00:45:40
    So he's a lovely person.
  • 00:45:48
    He's Clive now.
  • 00:45:52
    Dad's gone.
  • 00:45:53
    (electric razor buzzing)
  • 00:46:10
    - Considering he's still one of the most amnesic people
  • 00:46:13
    in the world, he's pretty peaceful,
  • 00:46:16
    considering he doesn't know where he is
  • 00:46:19
    or what century it is or what time he got up that morning
  • 00:46:25
    or that he's in a place where he lives.
  • 00:46:29
    Considering all of that,
  • 00:46:32
    his state of mind is extraordinarily calm,
  • 00:46:35
    happy, content, and very much himself.
  • 00:46:41
    He's himself.
  • 00:46:44
    - [Interviewer] If you could do anything now,
  • 00:46:47
    if you had free choice, what would you do next?
  • 00:46:50
    - Oh, a gin and tonic, I think. (chuckles)
  • 00:46:55
    With a cigarette.
  • 00:46:58
    Then, of course, waiting for time to elude and disappear
  • 00:47:02
    and her arrival.
  • 00:47:04
    (bright piano music)
  • 00:47:26
    (gentle music)
  • 00:47:27
    - [Man] There are 20-some muscles on each side of the face.
  • 00:47:32
    So many, many possibilities of expression in the smile.
  • 00:47:38
    Some people say you smile with your eyes and this is true
  • 00:47:42
    because with these minute changes and the wrinkles,
  • 00:47:46
    maybe have a soft smile or a big laugh.
  • 00:47:49
    So we use the face all the time.
  • 00:47:55
    (man speaking in foreign language)
Tag
  • Clive Wearing
  • amnesia
  • memory loss
  • music
  • Deborah Wearing
  • brain injury
  • love
  • family
  • recognition
  • daily life