Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
Sintesi
TLDRThe video is a discussion on effective public speaking, particularly in spontaneous situations. It highlights overcoming anxiety as crucial, using mindfulness and reframing situations as opportunities instead of threats. Active listening is emphasized to ensure proper understanding and response. Structures such as 'Problem-Solution-Benefit' help in coherence and clarity. Interaction and humor are suggested tools, with humor being beneficial yet risky. The goal is to handle spontaneous situations with confidence and clarity.
Punti di forza
- π£οΈ Public speaking fear is common, and techniques can help manage it.
- π Little things make a big difference in effective communication.
- π£οΈ Spontaneous speaking often feels more like a challenge than planned speaking.
- π€ Reframe thinking to see speaking opportunities as less threatening.
- π Listen actively to understand and respond adequately.
- π§ Mindfulness approaches can help manage public speaking anxiety.
- ποΈ Using structure like 'Problem-Solution-Benefit' aids clarity.
- π°οΈ Staying present-oriented reduces anxiety about future consequences.
- π§βπ€βπ§ Interaction and improvisation can improve communication skills.
- π Humor is a double-edged sword in speeches; careful use is beneficial.
Linea temporale
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The speaker introduces the topic of effective spontaneous speaking, humorously noting the title's grammatical flaw to engage the audience. The session will be interactive, emphasizing communication practice. An initial exercise involves counting 'fs' in a sentence, illustrating common lapses in attention which are analogous to challenges in spontaneous speaking. The session aims to address small factors influencing public speaking effectiveness.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
Public speaking anxiety is discussed, highlighting its prevalence among 85% of individuals. Anxiety is depicted as manageable but beneficial, providing energy and focus. Techniques to manage anxiety based on academic research are introduced. These include acknowledging the anxiety, using reframing techniques to view speaking as a conversation, and bringing oneself into the present moment to counteract future-centered fears.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
The talk progresses to techniques for managing public speaking anxiety, focusing on reframing perception and presence awareness. Strategies discussed include understanding the audienceβs perspective, using questions to enhance interaction, and adopting conversational language to reduce formality and increase relatability. Physical exercises such as tongue twisters are suggested to maintain present focus and warm up the voice.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
The speaker emphasizes the importance of getting out of one's own way when speaking spontaneously. The audience participates in an exercise 'shout the wrong name' to illustrate the challenge of over-preparation and the need for spontaneity. The exercise teaches participants to bypass mental barriers by reacting naturally without overthinking.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
The importance of perceiving spontaneous speaking as an opportunity rather than a challenge is emphasized. The next exercise involves a gift-giving activity where participants must present a 'gift' and an impromptu justification for it, reinforcing the idea of seeing unexpected speaking moments as opportunities rather than threats. This also encourages flexibility and creativity in speech.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:00
Strategies for slowing down and truly listening during communication are outlined. An exercise involving spelling words is used to demonstrate the necessity of careful listening and comprehension before responding. This reflects the importance of understanding communications fully before forming a response, which aids in developing more accurate and effective spontaneous replies.
- 00:30:00 - 00:35:00
The speaker outlines the need for structured responses in spontaneous speaking to aid memory and understanding. Two structures are suggested: 'problem, solution, benefit' and 'what, so what, now what'. These frameworks help speakers organize thoughts quickly and respond effectively under pressure. Participants practice these structures through a sales pitch exercise.
- 00:35:00 - 00:40:00
Participants practice using the introduced structures, particularly in a sales pitch scenario for a slinky toy. The exercise illustrates how structured communication facilitates more effective and coherent spontaneous speech. The session's core principles include encouraging structure in thinking to relieve pressure and enhance communication clarity.
- 00:40:00 - 00:45:00
The speaker summarizes the discussed communication strategies and techniques for effective spontaneous speaking. The focus is on managing anxiety, embracing opportunities, attentive listening, and using structured communication formats to succeed in spontaneous situations. The value of regular practice, including in informal settings, is highlighted to build competence and confidence.
- 00:45:00 - 00:50:00
During a Q&A session, strategies for handling hostile speaking situations are discussed, emphasizing the need to acknowledge emotions, paraphrase, and reframe questions to manage tension. The importance of preparation and the ability to view challenging interactions as opportunities for clarification and understanding is reiterated.
- 00:50:00 - 00:58:20
The session concludes with reflections on humor's role in communication, indicating that self-deprecating humor is often the safest bet. Tips for remote communication, engaging culturally diverse audiences, and spontaneous question responses are provided. The speaker invites further exploration of these topics through a book and online resources aimed at improving communication efficacy.
Mappa mentale
Video Domande e Risposte
What is the main focus of this discussion about public speaking?
The main focus is on effective speaking in spontaneous situations and managing anxiety associated with it.
What can help manage public speaking anxiety?
Greeting anxiety as normal, reframing speaking as a conversation, and staying mindful can help manage it.
Why is structuring your speech important?
Structured speeches enhance clarity and help both the speaker and audience follow the message effectively.
Why is listening crucial in spontaneous speaking?
Active listening allows the speaker to understand audience needs and respond accurately.
How can humor be used in public speaking?
Humor can connect the speaker with the audience, but it should be used carefully to avoid risks.
What approach should be taken towards mistakes in spontaneous speaking?
Rather than fearing mistakes, speakers should dare to make them to reduce pressure and be more authentic.
How does mindfulness aid in public speaking?
Mindful attention can help stop anxiety from spiraling, keeping the speaker grounded in the present.
What is an effective structure for impromptu speaking?
'Problem-Solution-Benefit' or 'What-So What-Now What' are effective structures for clear communication.
What role does interaction play in speaking?
Interactive elements engage the audience, making the speaking experience more dynamic and memorable.
How should public speaking opportunities be viewed?
They should be seen as opportunities to connect and communicate rather than challenges to overcome.
Visualizza altre sintesi video
- 00:00:00[MUSIC]
- 00:00:05Welcome.
- 00:00:06I'm very excited today to talk about effective speaking in
- 00:00:10spontaneous situations.
- 00:00:12I thank you all for
- 00:00:13joining us, even though the title of my talk is grammatically incorrect.
- 00:00:16I thought that might scare a few of you away.
- 00:00:18But I learned teaching here at the business school,
- 00:00:20catching people's attention is hard.
- 00:00:22So, something as simple as that, I thought, might draw a few of you here, so
- 00:00:26this is going to be a highly interactive and participative workshop today.
- 00:00:31If you don't feel comfortable participating that's completely fine, but
- 00:00:34do know I'm gonna ask you to talk to people next to you.
- 00:00:37They'll be opportunities to stand up and
- 00:00:39practice some things because I believe the way we become effective communicators is
- 00:00:43by actually communicating, so let's get started right away.
- 00:00:47I'd like to ask you all to read this sentence, and as you read this sentence,
- 00:00:52what's most important to me is that you count the number of fs
- 00:00:56that you find in this sentence, please.
- 00:00:59Count the number of fs.
- 00:01:00Keep it quiet to yourself.
- 00:01:01[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:01:07Give you just another couple seconds here.
- 00:01:09[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:01:12Three, two, one.
- 00:01:15Raise your hand please if you found three and only three f's.
- 00:01:19Excellent, great. Did anybody find four?
- 00:01:22Anybody find only five fs?
- 00:01:23Anybody find six?
- 00:01:28There's six fs.
- 00:01:30What two letter word ending in f did many of us miss?
- 00:01:34Oh. We'll make sure to get this to you so
- 00:01:38you can torment your friends and family at a later date.
- 00:01:42When I first was exposed to this over 12 years ago I only found three, and
- 00:01:46I felt really stupid.
- 00:01:47So, I like to start every workshop,
- 00:01:49every class I teach with to pass that feeling along.
- 00:01:51No, no. [LAUGH] That's not,
- 00:01:53that's not why I do this.
- 00:01:55I do this because this is a perfect analogy for
- 00:01:58what we're going to be talking about today.
- 00:02:00The vast majority of us in this room, very smart people in this room,
- 00:02:04were not as effective as we could have been in this activity.
- 00:02:07We didn't get it right.
- 00:02:09And the same is true when it comes to speaking in public,
- 00:02:13particularly when spontaneous speaking.
- 00:02:15It's little things that make a big difference in being affective.
- 00:02:19So today we're going to talk about little things in terms of your approach, your
- 00:02:23attitude, your practice, that can change how you feel when you speak in public.
- 00:02:29And we're gonna be talking primarily about one type of public speaking.
- 00:02:34Not the type that you plan for in advance, the type
- 00:02:36that you actually spend time thinking about, you might even create slides for.
- 00:02:41These are the key notes, the conference presentation, the formal toasts.
- 00:02:47That's not what we are talking about today,
- 00:02:48we are talking about spontaneous speaking.
- 00:02:52When you are in a situation that you are asked to speak off the cuff and
- 00:02:56in the moment.
- 00:02:58What we're going through today is actually the result of a workshop I
- 00:03:01created here for the business school.
- 00:03:04Several years ago, a survey was taken among the students, and they said, what's
- 00:03:07one of the, what are things we could do to help make you more successful here?
- 00:03:11And at the top of that list was this notion of responding to cold calls.
- 00:03:15Does everybody know what a cold call is?
- 00:03:17It's where the mean professor like me looks at some student and
- 00:03:20says, what do you think?
- 00:03:22And there was a lot of panic, and a lot of silence.
- 00:03:26So as a result of that, this workshop was created, and
- 00:03:28a vast majority of first year students here at the GSB go through this workshop.
- 00:03:32So I'm gonna walk you through sort of a hybrid version of what they do.
- 00:03:37The reality is that spontaneous speaking is actually more
- 00:03:41prevalent than planned speaking.
- 00:03:43Perhaps it's giving introductions.
- 00:03:45You're at a dinner and
- 00:03:45somebody says, you know so and so, would you mind introducing them?
- 00:03:49Maybe it's giving feedback.
- 00:03:50In the moment, your boss turns to you and says, would you tell me what you think?
- 00:03:54It could be a surprise toast.
- 00:03:56Or finally, it could be during the Q and A session.
- 00:03:59And by the way,
- 00:04:00we will leave plenty of time at the end of our day today for Q and A.
- 00:04:04I'd love to hear the questions you have about this topic or
- 00:04:06other topics related to communicating.
- 00:04:10So our agenda is simple, in order to be an effective communicator, regardless of if
- 00:04:15it's planned or spontaneous, you need to have your anxiety under control.
- 00:04:20So we'll start there.
- 00:04:22Second, what we're going to talk about is some ground rules for
- 00:04:26the interactivity we'll have today and
- 00:04:28then finally we're going to get into the heart of what we will be covering and
- 00:04:31again, as I said, lots of activity and I invite you to participate.
- 00:04:37So lets get started with anxiety management.
- 00:04:3985% of people tell us that they're nervous when speaking in public.
- 00:04:44And I think the other 15% are lying.
- 00:04:47Okay? We could create a situation where we
- 00:04:49could make them nervous too.
- 00:04:51In fact, just this past week a study from Chapman University asked American's,
- 00:04:56what are the things you fear most?
- 00:04:58And among being caught in a surprise terrorist attack,
- 00:05:02having identity, your identity stolen, was public speaking.
- 00:05:05Among the top five was speaking in front of others.
- 00:05:09This is a ubiquitous fear, and one that I believe we can learn to manage.
- 00:05:13And I use that word manage very carefully because I
- 00:05:17don't think we ever want to overcome it.
- 00:05:20Anxiety actually helps us.
- 00:05:22It gives us energy, helps us focus, tells us what we're doing is important.
- 00:05:26But we want to learn to manage it.
- 00:05:28So I'd like to introduce you to a few techniques that can work and
- 00:05:31all of these techniques are based on academic research.
- 00:05:34But before we get there, I'd love to ask you what does it feel like
- 00:05:39when you're sitting in the audience watching a nervous speaker present,
- 00:05:42how do you feel, just shout out a few things, how to do you feel?
- 00:05:46>> Uncomfortable.
- 00:05:46>> Uncomfortable.
- 00:05:48I heard many of you going, yes, uncomfortable.
- 00:05:49It feels very awkward, doesn't it?
- 00:05:52So what do we do?
- 00:05:52Now a couple of you probably like watching somebody suffer.
- 00:05:55[LAUGH] 'Kay, but most of us don't.
- 00:05:58So what do we do?
- 00:05:58We sit there and we nod and we smile or we disengage.
- 00:06:04And to the nervous speaker looking out at his or
- 00:06:06her audience seeing a bunch of people nodding or disengaged, that does not help.
- 00:06:10Okay. So we need to manage our anxiety.
- 00:06:12Cuz, fundamentally, your job as a communicator rather, regardless of
- 00:06:15if it's planned or spontaneous, is to make your audience comfortable.
- 00:06:20Because if they're comfortable they can receive your message.
- 00:06:23And when I say comfortable I am not referring to the fact that
- 00:06:26your message has to be sugar coated and nice for them to hear.
- 00:06:30It can be a harsh message.
- 00:06:32But they have to be in a place where they can receive it.
- 00:06:35So it's incumbent on you as a communicator to help your audience feel comfortable and
- 00:06:40we do that by managing our anxiety.
- 00:06:43So let me introduce you to a few techniques that I think you can
- 00:06:45use right away to help you feel more comfortable.
- 00:06:50The first has to do with when you begin to feel those anxiety symptoms.
- 00:06:54For most people this happens the, in the initial minutes prior to speaking.
- 00:06:59In this situation what happens is many of us begin to feel whatever it
- 00:07:02is that happens to you.
- 00:07:03Maybe your stomach gets a little gurgly.
- 00:07:05Maybe your legs begin to shake.
- 00:07:07Maybe you begin to perspire.
- 00:07:09And then we start to say to ourselves, oh, my goodness, I'm nervous.
- 00:07:13oh. They're gonna tell I'm nervous.
- 00:07:15This is not gonna go well.
- 00:07:16And we start spiraling out of control.
- 00:07:19So, research on mindful attention tells us that if,
- 00:07:23when we begin to feel those anxiety symptoms,
- 00:07:25we simply greet our anxiety and say hey, this is me feeling nervous.
- 00:07:31I'm about to do something of consequence.
- 00:07:34And simply by greeting your anxiety and acknowledging it,
- 00:07:37that it's normal and natural.
- 00:07:39Heck, 85% of people tell us they have it.
- 00:07:42You actually can stem the tide of that anxiety spiraling out of control.
- 00:07:47It's not necessarily going to reduce the anxiety but
- 00:07:49it will stop it from spinning out.
- 00:07:51So the next time you begin to feel those anxiety signs,
- 00:07:55take a deep breath and say, this is me feeling anxious.
- 00:08:00I notice a few of you taking some notes.
- 00:08:02There's a handout that will come at the end.
- 00:08:04It has everything that I'm supposed to say, okay?
- 00:08:08Can't guarantee I'm gonna say it, but you'll have it there.
- 00:08:12In addition to this approach, a technique that works very well, and
- 00:08:15this is a technique that I helped do some research on way back when I was in
- 00:08:18graduate school, has to do with re-framing how you see the speaking situation.
- 00:08:25Most of us, when we are up presenting, planned or
- 00:08:28spontaneous, we feel that we have to do it right and we feel like we are performing.
- 00:08:34How many of you have ever acted, done singing or
- 00:08:37dancing, I am not going to ask for performances now, okay.
- 00:08:39Many of you have.
- 00:08:40We should note that we could do next year, maybe, a talent show of alums.
- 00:08:44It looks like we got the talent there.
- 00:08:45That's great.
- 00:08:47So when you perform, you know that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.
- 00:08:50If you don't hit your, the right note or you right line at the right time,
- 00:08:55at the right place, you've made a mistake.
- 00:08:58It messes up the audience.
- 00:09:00It messes up the people on stage.
- 00:09:03But when you present, there is no right way.
- 00:09:06There's certainly better and worse ways.
- 00:09:07But there is no one right way.
- 00:09:09So we need to look at presenting as something other than performance.
- 00:09:13And what I'd like to suggest is what we need to see this is as is a conversation.
- 00:09:18Right now, I'm having a conversation with 100 plus people.
- 00:09:23Rather than saying I'm performing for you.
- 00:09:26But it's not enough just to say, this is a conversation.
- 00:09:29I want to give you some concrete things you can do.
- 00:09:32First, start with questions.
- 00:09:36Questions by their very nature are dialogic, they're two way.
- 00:09:39What was one of the very first things I did here for you?
- 00:09:43I had you count the number of fs and raise your hands.
- 00:09:45I asked you a question.
- 00:09:47That gets your audience involved,
- 00:09:49it makes it feel to me as the presenter as if we're in conversation.
- 00:09:53So, use questions.
- 00:09:54They can be rhetorical.
- 00:09:55They can be polling, perhaps I actually want to hear information from you.
- 00:10:00In fact, I use questions when I create an outline for my presentations.
- 00:10:04Rather than writing bullet points, I list questions that I'm going to answer.
- 00:10:08And that puts me in that conversational mode.
- 00:10:11If you were to look at my notes for
- 00:10:13today's talk, you'll see it's just a series of questions.
- 00:10:16Right now I'm answering the question, how do we manage our anxiety?
- 00:10:21Beyond questions, another very useful technique for
- 00:10:24making us conversational is to use conversational language.
- 00:10:30Many nervous speakers distance themselves physically.
- 00:10:33If youβve ever seen a nervous speaker present, he or
- 00:10:36she will say something like this.
- 00:10:37Welcome, I am really excited to be here with you.
- 00:10:41They pull as far away from you as possible,
- 00:10:43because you threaten us, speakers.
- 00:10:46You make us nervous so we want to get away from you.
- 00:10:48We do the same thing linguistically.
- 00:10:50We use language that distances ourselves.
- 00:10:53It's not unusual to hear a nervous speaker say something like,
- 00:10:56one must consider the ramifications.
- 00:11:00Or, today we're going to cover step one, step two, step three.
- 00:11:03That's very distancing language.
- 00:11:06To be more conversational, use conversational language.
- 00:11:08Instead of one must consider say,
- 00:11:10this is important to you, we all need to be concerned with.
- 00:11:13Do you hear that inclusive conversational language?
- 00:11:16Has to do with the pronouns.
- 00:11:19Instead of step 1, step, 2, step 3.
- 00:11:21First what we need to do is this, the second thing you should consider is here.
- 00:11:26Use conversational language, so
- 00:11:28being conversational can also help you manage your anxiety.
- 00:11:33The third technique I would like to share is research that I actually started when I
- 00:11:36was an undergraduate here, I was very fortunate to study with
- 00:11:39Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford Prison experiment fame.
- 00:11:43Many people don't know that Zim actually was instrumental in starting one of
- 00:11:49the very first shyness institutes in the, the world and especially in the country.
- 00:11:53And I did some research with him that looked at how your orientation to time
- 00:11:58influences how you react.
- 00:12:01And what we learned is if you can bring yourself into the present moment,
- 00:12:05rather than being worried about the future consequences,
- 00:12:09you can actually be less nervous.
- 00:12:11Most of us, when we present, are worried about the future consequences.
- 00:12:14My students are worried they're not going to get the right grade.
- 00:12:17Some of you are worried you might not get the funding.
- 00:12:19You might not get the support.
- 00:12:20You might not get the laughs that you want.
- 00:12:23All of those are future states.
- 00:12:24So if we can bring ourselves into the present moment, we're not going to be
- 00:12:29as concerned about those future states and therefore we will be less nervous.
- 00:12:33There are lots of ways to become present oriented.
- 00:12:36I know a professional speaker, he's paid $10,000 an hour to speak.
- 00:12:41It's a good gig.
- 00:12:43He gets very nervous.
- 00:12:44He's up in front of crowds of thousands.
- 00:12:47Behind the stage what he does is 100 push-ups right before he comes out.
- 00:12:50[LAUGH] You can't be that physically active and not be in the present moment.
- 00:12:55Now, I'm not recommending all of us go to that level of exertion cuz he
- 00:12:58starts out out of breath and sweaty, okay?
- 00:13:00[LAUGH] But a walk around the building before you speak.
- 00:13:04That can do it. There are other ways.
- 00:13:05If you've ever watched athletes perform and
- 00:13:08get ready to do their event, they listen to music.
- 00:13:10They focus on a song or a playlist that helps get them in the moment.
- 00:13:15You can do things as simple as counting backwards from 100
- 00:13:17by tough number like 17.
- 00:13:18I'm gonna pause 'cuz I know people in the room are trying.
- 00:13:23Yeah.
- 00:13:24Get's hard after that third or fourth one, I know.
- 00:13:27My favorite way to get present-oriented is to say tongue twisters.
- 00:13:31Saying a tongue twister forces you to be in the moment.
- 00:13:34Otherwise you'll say it wrong.
- 00:13:35And it has the added benefit of warming up your voice.
- 00:13:38Most nervous speakers don't warm up their voice.
- 00:13:41They retreat inside themselves and start saying all these bad things to themselves.
- 00:13:45So, saying a tongue twister can help you be both present-oriented and
- 00:13:48warm up your voice.
- 00:13:50Remember, I said today we're gonna have a lot of participation?
- 00:13:53I'm gonna ask you to repeat after me my favorite tongue twister, and
- 00:13:57I like this tongue twister because if you say it wrong you say a naughty word, and
- 00:14:01I'm gonna be listening to see if I hear any naughty words this morning.
- 00:14:04Okay?
- 00:14:05Repeat after me.
- 00:14:06It's only three phrases.
- 00:14:07I slit a sheet.
- 00:14:11A sheet I slit.
- 00:14:14And on that slitted sheet I sit.
- 00:14:21Very good, no shits.
- 00:14:23Excellent.
- 00:14:24Very good.
- 00:14:26Now in that moment, in that moment, you weren't worried about,
- 00:14:31I'm in front of all these people, this is weird, this guy's having me do this.
- 00:14:35You were so focused on saying it right and
- 00:14:37trying to figure out what the naughty word was that you were in the present moment.
- 00:14:41That's how easy it is.
- 00:14:43So it's very possible for us to manage our anxiety.
- 00:14:48We can do it initially by greeting the anxiety when we begin to feel those signs.
- 00:14:52We can do it when we re-frame the situation as a conversation.
- 00:14:57And we do it when we become present oriented.
- 00:15:00Those are three of many tools that exist to help you manage your anxiety.
- 00:15:05If you have questions about other ways, I'm happy to chat with you.
- 00:15:09And at the end, I'm gonna point you to some resources that you can
- 00:15:12refer to to help you find additional sources for you.
- 00:15:17So let's get started on the core part of what we're doing today,
- 00:15:20which is how to feel more comfortable speaking in spontaneous situations.
- 00:15:25Some very simple ground rules for you.
- 00:15:28First, I'm going to identify four steps that I believe are critical to
- 00:15:32becoming effective at speaking in, in a spontaneous situation.
- 00:15:36With each of those steps, I'm going to ask you to participate in an activity.
- 00:15:40None of them are more painful than saying the tongue twister out loud.
- 00:15:44They may require you to stand up, they might require you to talk to
- 00:15:46the person next to you, but none of them are painful.
- 00:15:49And then finally, I'm going to conclude with a phrase or
- 00:15:52saying that comes from the wonderful world of improvisation.
- 00:15:57Through the continuing studies program here at Stanford, for
- 00:16:00the past five years, I have co-taught a class with Adam Tobin.
- 00:16:03He is a lecturer in the Creative Arts Department.
- 00:16:08He teaches film and new media.
- 00:16:10And he's an expert at improv.
- 00:16:11And we've partnered together to help people learn how to
- 00:16:14speak more spontaneously.
- 00:16:16We call it improvisationally speaking.
- 00:16:18And Adam has taught me wonderful phrases and
- 00:16:21ideas from improv that I want to impart to you, that really stick.
- 00:16:25That's why I'm sharing them with you, to help you remember these techniques.
- 00:16:28And again at the end of all this, you'll get a handout that has this listed.
- 00:16:31So let's get started.
- 00:16:33The very first thing that gets in people's way when it comes to spontaneous speaking,
- 00:16:39is themselves.
- 00:16:41We get in our own way.
- 00:16:43We want to be perfect.
- 00:16:45We want to give the right answer.
- 00:16:48We want out toast to be incredibly memorable.
- 00:16:51These things are burdened by our effort, by our trying.
- 00:16:56The best thing we can do,
- 00:16:58the first step in our process, is to get ourselves out of the way.
- 00:17:04Easier said than done.
- 00:17:05Most of us in this room are in this room because we are type A personalities.
- 00:17:09We work hard, we think fast, we make sure that we get things right.
- 00:17:13But that can actually serve as a disservice as we try to
- 00:17:18speak in the moment.
- 00:17:20I'd like to demonstrate a little of this for you, and I need your help to do that.
- 00:17:23So we're going to do our first activity.
- 00:17:26We are going to do an activity that's called shout the wrong name.
- 00:17:31In a moment, if you are able and willing, I'm going to ask you to stand.
- 00:17:36And I am going to ask you, for about 30 seconds, to look all around you in
- 00:17:40this environment, and you are going to point at different things.
- 00:17:43And I know it's rude to point, but for this exercise, please point.
- 00:17:46I want you to point to things, and you are going to call the things you
- 00:17:49are pointing to, out loud, anything but what they really are.
- 00:17:54So I might point to this and say, refrigerator.
- 00:17:57I might point to this and say, cat.
- 00:18:01I am pointing to anything in your environment around you.
- 00:18:03It can be the person sitting next to you, standing next to you.
- 00:18:06You will just shout, and shouting is important, the wrong name.
- 00:18:13So in a moment I'm gonna ask you to stand and do that.
- 00:18:16Please raise your hand if you already have the first five or
- 00:18:19six things you're going to call out.
- 00:18:21>> [LAUGH].
- 00:18:22>> Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
- 00:18:26We stockpile.
- 00:18:28You all are excellent gameplayers.
- 00:18:30I told you the game, shout the wrong name.
- 00:18:33And you have already begun figuring out how you're going to master the game.
- 00:18:37That's your brain trying to help you get it right.
- 00:18:41I'd like to suggest,
- 00:18:43the only way you can get this activity wrong is by doing what you've just done.
- 00:18:48>> [LAUGH].
- 00:18:49>> There is no way to get this wrong.
- 00:18:51Okay.
- 00:18:53Even if I call this a chair, no penalty will be bestowed upon you.
- 00:18:58>> [LAUGH].
- 00:18:59>> Okay?
- 00:19:00Because I won't know what you were pointing at.
- 00:19:01You could have been pointing at the floor under the chair, and
- 00:19:04you called the floor the chair and you were fine.
- 00:19:07The point is, we are planning and working to get it right.
- 00:19:11And there is no way to get it right.
- 00:19:13Just doing it gets it right.
- 00:19:15Okay, so let's try this now.
- 00:19:16We're gonna play this game twice.
- 00:19:18Again, it's for 30 seconds.
- 00:19:19If you are willing and able, will you please stand up?
- 00:19:22You can do this seated, by the way.
- 00:19:23But if you're willing and able, let's stand up.
- 00:19:25Okay, in a moment I am about to say, go.
- 00:19:28And I would like for you to point at anything around here, including me.
- 00:19:32It's okay to point at me.
- 00:19:33I hope it's not a bad thing you say when you point at me.
- 00:19:36But point at different things, and loudly and
- 00:19:39proudly call them different than what they are.
- 00:19:42Ready?
- 00:19:43Begin.
- 00:19:44>> [CROSSTALK].
- 00:19:46>> Porcupine.
- 00:19:47>> [CROSSTALK].
- 00:19:48>> California, salt shaker, car, library,
- 00:19:56tennis racket, purple, orange, putrid.
- 00:20:04Hello.
- 00:20:05[NOISE] Time, time.
- 00:20:12[NOISE] Let's,
- 00:20:13you can stay standing, cuz in mere moments, we're going to do it again.
- 00:20:18So if you're comfortable standing, we're about to do it again.
- 00:20:20First, thank you.
- 00:20:21That was wonderful.
- 00:20:22I heard great words being called out.
- 00:20:24It was, it was fun.
- 00:20:25And some of you in the back were doing it in sync.
- 00:20:27So it looked like you were doing some 70s disco dance.
- 00:20:29It was awesome.
- 00:20:30Okay.
- 00:20:31This, this was great.
- 00:20:33Now, let me ask you just a few questions.
- 00:20:36Did you notice anything about the words that you were saying?
- 00:20:40Did we find patterns, perhaps?
- 00:20:43Maybe some of you were going through fruits and vegetables.
- 00:20:46A few of you were going through things that started with the letter A, right?
- 00:20:52That's your brain saying, okay you told me not to stockpile, so
- 00:20:55I'm gonna try to be a little more devious and I'm gonna give you patterns, okay?
- 00:21:00Same problem.
- 00:21:03When we teach that class I told you about, that improvisationally speaking class,
- 00:21:07we like to say, your brain is there to help you.
- 00:21:10These things it's doing have helped you be successful, but like a windshield wiper,
- 00:21:14we just wanna wipe those suggestions away and see what happens.
- 00:21:17Okay.
- 00:21:19So we're going to do this activity again.
- 00:21:22This time, try the best you can to thank your brain if it provides you
- 00:21:26with patterns or stockpiles and just say thank you brain.
- 00:21:29And disregard them.
- 00:21:30Okay, so lets see what happens when we're not stockpiling and
- 00:21:33we're not playing off patterns.
- 00:21:34We'll do this for only 15 seconds, see how this feels.
- 00:21:40Baby steps.
- 00:21:41Ready begin. [NOISE] Kodak, [NOISE] Bicycle chain.
- 00:21:47Skate board.
- 00:21:49Bananas.
- 00:21:53Purple.
- 00:21:57Putrid.
- 00:21:59[NOISE] Time.
- 00:22:04Please have a seat.
- 00:22:05Thank you again.
- 00:22:07Did you notice a difference between the second time and the first time.
- 00:22:15Yes, was it a little easier that second time?
- 00:22:18No.
- 00:22:20That's okay.
- 00:22:21We're just starting.
- 00:22:22These skills are not like a light switch.
- 00:22:25It's not like you learn these [UNKNOWN] skills and
- 00:22:26then all of a sudden you can execute on them.
- 00:22:29This is a wonderful game.
- 00:22:30This is a wonderful game to train your brain to get out of its own way.
- 00:22:36You can play this game anywhere, anytime.
- 00:22:39I like to play this game when I'm sitting in traffic.
- 00:22:41>> [LAUGH].
- 00:22:42>> Makes me feel better than the, I shout things out.
- 00:22:45They're not the naughty things that I wanna be shouting out.
- 00:22:47But I shout out things, and it helps.
- 00:22:49You're training yourself to get out of your own way.
- 00:22:51You're working against the muscle memory that you've developed over the course of
- 00:22:55your life with a vain, a brain that acts very fast to help you solve problems.
- 00:22:59But in essence, in spontaneous speaking situations,
- 00:23:01you put too much pressure on yourself trying to figure out how to get it right.
- 00:23:08So a game like this teaches us to get out of our own way.
- 00:23:10It teaches us to see the things that we do that prevent us from acting spontaneously.
- 00:23:19In essence we are reacting rather than responding.
- 00:23:23To react means to act again.
- 00:23:26You've thought it and now you're acting on it.
- 00:23:28That takes too long and it's too thoughtful.
- 00:23:30We want to respond in a way that's genuine and authentic.
- 00:23:36So the maxims I would like for you to take from this, and
- 00:23:38again these maxims come from improvisation, is one of my favorite.
- 00:23:42Dare to be dull.
- 00:23:45And in a room like this, telling you dare to be dull is offensive, and I apologize.
- 00:23:49But this will help.
- 00:23:51Rather than stre, striving for greatness, dare to be dull.
- 00:23:57And if you dare to be dull and allow yourself that,
- 00:24:00you will reach that greatness.
- 00:24:02It's when you set greatness as your target,
- 00:24:05that it gets in the way of you ever getting there.
- 00:24:08Because you over evaluate, you over analyze, you freeze up.
- 00:24:12So the first step in our process today, is to get out of our own way.
- 00:24:17Dare to be dull.
- 00:24:19Easier said than done.
- 00:24:20But once you practice,
- 00:24:21and a game just as simple as the one we practiced, is a great way to do it.
- 00:24:27But that's not enough.
- 00:24:28Getting out of our own way is important.
- 00:24:30But the second step of our process has us change how we
- 00:24:34see the situation we find ourselves in.
- 00:24:37We need to see the speaking opportunity that we are a part of as an opportunity,
- 00:24:43rather than a challenge and a threat.
- 00:24:46When I coach executives on Q and
- 00:24:48A skills, when they go in front of the media or whatever, investors.
- 00:24:55They see it as an adversarial experience, me versus them.
- 00:24:58And one of the first things I work on is change the way you approach it.
- 00:25:06A Q and A session, for example, is an opportunity for you.
- 00:25:09It's an opportunity to clarify,
- 00:25:10it's an opportunity to understand what people are thinking.
- 00:25:13So if we look at it as an opportunity, it feels very different.
- 00:25:18We see it differently, and therefore we have more freedom to respond.
- 00:25:22When I feel that you are challenging me,
- 00:25:24I am going to do the bare minimum to respond and protect myself.
- 00:25:29If I see this as an opportunity where I have a chance to explain and
- 00:25:32expand, I'm going to interact differently with you.
- 00:25:37So, spontaneous speaking situations are ones that afford you opportunities.
- 00:25:42So when you're at a corporate dinner, and your boss turns to you and
- 00:25:44says, oh, you know him better than the rest.
- 00:25:46Would you mind introducing him?
- 00:25:48You say, great, thank you for the opportunity, rather than, [UNKNOWN] right?
- 00:25:53I better get this right.
- 00:25:55So see things as an opportunity.
- 00:25:58I have a game to play to help us with this.
- 00:26:03This is a fun one, the holidays are approaching, we all, in this room,
- 00:26:07are going to give and receive gifts.
- 00:26:09Here is how this game will work.
- 00:26:11It works best if you have a partner.
- 00:26:14So I am hoping you can work with somebody sitting next to you.
- 00:26:17If there is nobody sitting next to you,
- 00:26:18turn around, introduce yourself, great way to connect.
- 00:26:21If not, you can play this game by yourself.
- 00:26:22It's just a little harder, and you can't do the second part of the game.
- 00:26:25So, after I explain the game, give, this gives you a chance to,
- 00:26:29to get to know somebody.
- 00:26:30Here's how it works.
- 00:26:31If you have a partner, you and
- 00:26:33your partner are going to exchange imaginary gifts, okay?
- 00:26:37Pretend you have a gift.
- 00:26:38It can be a big gift, can be a small gift.
- 00:26:41And you will give your gift to your partner.
- 00:26:44Your partner will take the gift and open it up and
- 00:26:47will tell you what you gave them, because you have no, you just gave them a gift.
- 00:26:51So you are going to open up the box, and you're going to look inside.
- 00:26:55And you are going to say the first thing that comes to your mind in the moment,
- 00:26:58not the thing you have all just thought of.
- 00:27:01>> [LAUGH] >> Or the thing after that.
- 00:27:03Remember what we talked about before?
- 00:27:05That still plays, that's still in play.
- 00:27:07Okay, you're stock piling.
- 00:27:09Look in there.
- 00:27:10My favorite that I said, somebody gave me this, a gift during playing this game,
- 00:27:14I looked inside and I saw a frog leg.
- 00:27:17I don't know why I saw a frog leg, but that's what I said.
- 00:27:20That's the first part of the activity.
- 00:27:22Now, the opportunity is twofold in this game.
- 00:27:26The opportunity is for you, the gift receiver, to name a gift.
- 00:27:29That's kind of fun.
- 00:27:30That's an opportunity.
- 00:27:31It's not a threat.
- 00:27:33But the real opportunity is for
- 00:27:34the gift giver, because the gift giver then has to say.
- 00:27:39So you look and you say thank you for giving me a frog's leg, and
- 00:27:41the person will, will look at you and say I knew you wanted a frog's leg, because So
- 00:27:47whatever you find the person who has received it is going to say absolutely,
- 00:27:52I'm so glad you're happy, I got it for you because.
- 00:27:54So you have to respond to whatever they say.
- 00:27:58Right?
- 00:27:59What a great opportunity.
- 00:28:00Now some of you are sitting there going, oh, that's hard.
- 00:28:02I don't wanna do it, I might make a fool out of myself.
- 00:28:04Others of you are, if you're following this advice,
- 00:28:05are saying, what a great opportunity.
- 00:28:08Right?
- 00:28:09So, the game again is played like this.
- 00:28:11You and your partner will exchange, each will exchange a gift.
- 00:28:14One will start, then the other will follow.
- 00:28:16The first person will give a gift to the second person.
- 00:28:18Second person opens the box, however big the box is, and if the box is big, and
- 00:28:21you find a penny in it, perfect, doesn't matter.
- 00:28:24The box is heavy and you find a feather in it, fine.
- 00:28:26It doesn't, there's no way to get it wrong.
- 00:28:28Okay?
- 00:28:29Whatever's in the box is in the box.
- 00:28:30You can return it and get what you wanted later.
- 00:28:32Okay? >> [LAUGH]
- 00:28:33>> The person, then, you will name it.
- 00:28:37You will say thank you for the, whatever you saw in the box.
- 00:28:40The person who gave it to you will say, I'm so glad you're excited.
- 00:28:44I got it for you because.
- 00:28:46And you will give a reason that you got them whatever they decided you gave them.
- 00:28:52Make sense?
- 00:28:53All right.
- 00:28:53So, very quickly just,
- 00:28:55in five seconds, find a partner if you're willing to do this with a partner.
- 00:28:57Everybody have a partner?
- 00:28:58>> [LAUGH].
- 00:28:59>> Okay.
- 00:29:00[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:29:05All right. In your partnerships,
- 00:29:07in your partnerships, pick an a person and a b person.
- 00:29:12You may stand or sit, it's totally up to you.
- 00:29:16Pick an a and pick a b.
- 00:29:17Okay?
- 00:29:20B goes first, [LAUGH].
- 00:29:23All right.
- 00:29:26B, give a a gift.
- 00:29:29A thank them, and then b will name and give the reason they gave it to them.
- 00:29:34[NOISE] If
- 00:29:40you have not
- 00:29:48switched,
- 00:29:57switch
- 00:30:02please.
- 00:30:08If you have not switched, switch please.
- 00:30:11[NOISE] Let's
- 00:30:19wrap it up
- 00:30:25in 30 seconds
- 00:30:34please.
- 00:30:40Let's wrap it up.
- 00:30:41[NOISE]
- 00:30:45All right.
- 00:30:52If we can all have our seats.
- 00:30:55[NOISE] If we can all [NOISE] take our seats please.
- 00:31:04[NOISE] I know I'm telling a room of many MBA alums to stop talking and that's hard.
- 00:31:13[NOISE] All right, ladies and gentlemen.
- 00:31:22Did you get what you wanted?
- 00:31:23>> Yes.
- 00:31:25>> Pretty neat, huh?
- 00:31:26You always get what you want.
- 00:31:28Now for some of you this was really hard because you, you're really taking
- 00:31:32the challenge and, and not seeing what was in the box until you looked in there.
- 00:31:36Okay. Was anybody surprised by what you
- 00:31:38found in the box?
- 00:31:40What did you find sir, what was in the box?
- 00:31:46What?
- 00:31:46Oh, wow!
- 00:31:47Nice!
- 00:31:49Nice, if you've got a Ferrari you need a transmission.
- 00:31:51I like it.
- 00:31:52Who else found something that was surprising?
- 00:31:56What did you find?
- 00:31:57A live unicorn!
- 00:31:57That's a great gift.
- 00:31:59Right?
- 00:32:00How was it as the gift giver?
- 00:32:02Were you surprised at what your partner found in the box?
- 00:32:06Isn't it interesting that when we give an imaginary gift knowing that
- 00:32:09the person's gonna name it we already have in mind what they're gonna find?
- 00:32:12And when they say live unicorn, we go well that's interesting.
- 00:32:16Right?
- 00:32:17So the point of this game is, to one,
- 00:32:22remind ourselves we have to get out of our own way,
- 00:32:24like we talked about before, but to see this as an opportunity and to have fun.
- 00:32:28I love watching people play this game.
- 00:32:31The number of smiles that I saw amongst you and, and I have to admit when I
- 00:32:35first started some of you looked a little dour, a little doubting, okay?
- 00:32:39>> [LAUGH]. >> But in that last game you all
- 00:32:40were smiling and looked like you were having fun, so
- 00:32:42when you reframe the spontaneous speaking opportunity as, as an opportunity,
- 00:32:48as something that you co-create and share.
- 00:32:51All the sudden, you are less nervous, less defensive,
- 00:32:55and you can accomplish something pretty darn good.
- 00:32:58In this case, a fun outcome.
- 00:33:01This reminds us of perhaps the most famous of all improvisation sayings,.
- 00:33:06Yes and.
- 00:33:08A lot of us live our communication lives saying no but.
- 00:33:13Yes and opens up a tremendous amount of opportunities.
- 00:33:16And this doesn't mean you have to say yes and to a question somebody asks.
- 00:33:20This just means the approach you take to the situation.
- 00:33:22So you're going to ask me questions, that's an opportunity.
- 00:33:27Yes, and I will follow through, versus no and being defensive.
- 00:33:32So, we've accomplished the first two steps of our process.
- 00:33:36First we get out of our own way,
- 00:33:37[UNKNOWN] we can reframe the situation as an opportunity.
- 00:33:42The next phase is also hard, but
- 00:33:45very rewarding, and that is to slow down, and listen.
- 00:33:51You need to understand the demands of the requirement you find yourself in,
- 00:33:56in order to respond appropriately.
- 00:33:59But often, we jump ahead.
- 00:34:01We listen just enough to think we got it,
- 00:34:04and then we go ahead, starting [UNKNOWN] to think about.
- 00:34:07What we're gonna respond and then we respond.
- 00:34:09We really need to listen.
- 00:34:11Because fundamentally, as a communicator,
- 00:34:13your job is to be in service of your audience.
- 00:34:15And if you don't understand what your audience is asking or
- 00:34:17needs, you can't fulfill that obligation.
- 00:34:20So we need to slow down and listen.
- 00:34:23I have a fun game to play.
- 00:34:25[SOUND] In this game you are going to S-P-E-L-L E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
- 00:34:35Y-O-U S-A-Y T-O Y-O-U-R P-A-R-T-N-E-R.
- 00:34:41[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:34:43I will translate. You're going to get with the same partner
- 00:34:46you just worked with.
- 00:34:49And you are going to have a very brief conversation about something fun that you
- 00:34:53plan to do today.
- 00:34:54I know this is the most fun you are going to have all day.
- 00:34:56But the next fun thing you are going to do today.
- 00:34:58You are going to tell your partner what you are going to do that will
- 00:35:01be fun today.
- 00:35:01But you are going to do so by S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G I-T.
- 00:35:06[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:35:08Okay?
- 00:35:10So you're going to spell it.
- 00:35:12It's okay if you are not a good speller.
- 00:35:14>> [LAUGH] >> 'Kay?
- 00:35:18Look I, you'll see the benefit of doing this.
- 00:35:19So, with the partner you just worked with, person a is going to go first this time.
- 00:35:24You are simply going to tell your partner.
- 00:35:26Actually you're going to spell to your partner, what it is of fun,
- 00:35:31something of fun, that you're going to do today.
- 00:35:34Okay?
- 00:35:35Do what you were really going to do for
- 00:35:36fun and not do things like F-E-E-D T-H-E C-A-T, right,
- 00:35:40just cuz you don't wanna spell, right?
- 00:35:42So, you can use big words.
- 00:35:44Alright, 30 seconds each.
- 00:35:46Spell to your partner something fun that you're going to do today.
- 00:35:49[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:35:54Would you like to play?
- 00:35:55[NOISE] Go ahead.
- 00:35:58>> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E. >> Oh my goodness say it again.
- 00:36:00Spell it again.
- 00:36:01>> Yeah. >> Yeah.
- 00:36:02>> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E.
- 00:36:06>> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.
- 00:36:10I H-O-P-E T-H-A-T T-H-E-Y W-I-N.
- 00:36:16>> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.
- 00:36:20>> Thank you.
- 00:36:20That was very good.
- 00:36:22Thank you.
- 00:36:23[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:36:43[NOISE] If you have not switched, switch.
- 00:36:47Take 30 more seconds with the new partner spelling.
- 00:36:49[NOISE]
- 00:36:53G-R-E-A-T
- 00:37:01exclamation
- 00:37:08point.
- 00:37:13T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U.
- 00:37:17P-L-E-A-S-E.
- 00:37:20T-A-K-E Y-O-U-R S-E-A-T.
- 00:37:27[NOISE] So what did we learn?
- 00:37:33What did we learn?
- 00:37:34Besides that we're not so good at spelling.
- 00:37:36>> [INAUDIBLE] >> You have to pause between the words.
- 00:37:43How did this change your interaction with the person you were interacting with?
- 00:37:48What did you have to do?
- 00:37:50>> Focus. >> Focus, and listen.
- 00:37:53And you can't be thinking ahead.
- 00:37:55You have to be in the moment.
- 00:37:57When you listen and truly understand what the person is trying to say,
- 00:38:02then you can respond in a better way, a more targeted response.
- 00:38:06We often don't listen.
- 00:38:09So we start by getting out of our own way.
- 00:38:13We then reframe the situation as an opportunity.
- 00:38:17Those are things we do inside our head.
- 00:38:19But in the moment of interacting, we have to listen first,
- 00:38:21before we can respond to the spontaneous request.
- 00:38:25Perhaps my most favorite maxim comes from this activity.
- 00:38:31Don't just do something, stand there.
- 00:38:33[BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:38:35Listen.
- 00:38:37Listen, and then respond.
- 00:38:42Now, how do we respond?
- 00:38:43That brings us to the fourth part of our process.
- 00:38:47And that is, we have to tell a story.
- 00:38:50We respond in a way that has a structure.
- 00:38:52All stories have structure.
- 00:38:54We have to respond in a structured way.
- 00:38:57The key to successful spontaneous speaking and
- 00:39:00by the way planned speaking is having a structure.
- 00:39:04I would like to introduce you to two of the most prevalent and popular and useful
- 00:39:09structures you can use to communicate a message in a spontaneous situation.
- 00:39:14But before we get there, we have to talk about the value of structure.
- 00:39:17It increases what is called processing fluency, the effectiveness of which, or
- 00:39:21through which we process information.
- 00:39:25We actually process structured information, roughly 40% more
- 00:39:28effectively and efficiently than information that's not structured.
- 00:39:33I love looking out in this audience, because you will remember as I remember.
- 00:39:37Phone numbers.
- 00:39:38When you had to remember them if you wanted to call somebody.
- 00:39:41Okay.
- 00:39:42Young folks today don't need to remember phone numbers.
- 00:39:45They just need to look at a picture, push a button and
- 00:39:47then the voice starts talking on the other end.
- 00:39:49Ten digit phone numbers, it's actually hard to remember ten digit phone numbers.
- 00:39:52How did you do it?
- 00:39:53You chunked it into a structure.
- 00:39:55Three, three and four.
- 00:39:57Structure helps us remember.
- 00:40:00The same is true when speaking spontaneously or in a planned situation.
- 00:40:04So let me introduce you to two useful structures.
- 00:40:06The first useful structure you have probably heard or
- 00:40:08used in some incarnation, it is the problem, solution, benefit, structure.
- 00:40:14You start by talking about what the issue is, the problem.
- 00:40:18You then talk about a way of solving it,
- 00:40:19and then you talk about the benefits of following through on it.
- 00:40:22Very persuasive, very effective.
- 00:40:24Helps you as the speaker remember it,
- 00:40:26helps your audience know where you're going with it.
- 00:40:29When I was a tour guide on this campus, many, many, many years ago,.
- 00:40:34What do you think the single most important thing they
- 00:40:36drilled into our head?
- 00:40:37It took a full quarter, by the way, to train to be a tour guide here.
- 00:40:41They used to line us up at one end of the quad, and
- 00:40:43have us walk backward, straight, and if you failed you had to start over.
- 00:40:47To this day, I can walk backwards in a straight like because of that.
- 00:40:51As part of that training,
- 00:40:52what do you think the most important thing they taught us was?
- 00:40:56Never lose your tour group.
- 00:40:58>> [LAUGH] >> I'm not joking.
- 00:41:02Never, that's, never lose your tour group.
- 00:41:05The same is true as a presenter.
- 00:41:07Never lose your audience.
- 00:41:09The way you keep your audience on track is by providing structure.
- 00:41:12None of you would go on a tour with me if I said, hi, my name's Matt.
- 00:41:15Let's go. [BLANK_AUDIO]
- 00:41:18You wanna know where you're going, why you're going there,
- 00:41:20how long it's gonna take?
- 00:41:21You need to set expectations and structure does that.
- 00:41:24Problem, solution, benefit is a wonderful structure to have in your back pocket.
- 00:41:29It's something that you can use quickly when you're in the moment.
- 00:41:34It can be reframed so it's not always a problem you're talking about.
- 00:41:36Maybe it's an opportunity.
- 00:41:37Maybe there's a market opportunity you wanna go out and capture.
- 00:41:40It's not a problem that we're not doing it.
- 00:41:42But maybe we'd be better off if we did.
- 00:41:44So it becomes opportunity, solution, which are the steps to achieve it.
- 00:41:48And then the benefit.
- 00:41:51Another structure.
- 00:41:52Which works equally, equally well, is the what?
- 00:41:56So what?
- 00:41:57Now what?
- 00:41:58Structure.
- 00:41:59You start by talking about what it is, then you talk about why it's important,
- 00:42:05and then what the next steps are.
- 00:42:08This is a wonderful formula for answering questions.
- 00:42:13For introducing people.
- 00:42:14So if, in the moment somebody asks me to introduce somebody,
- 00:42:17I change the what to who.
- 00:42:18I say who they are, why they're important and what we're gonna do next.
- 00:42:21Maybe listen to them, maybe drink our wine, whatever.
- 00:42:23All right.
- 00:42:25What, so what, now what.
- 00:42:26The reality is this, when you are in spontaneously speaking situation,
- 00:42:29you have to do two things simultaneously.
- 00:42:31You have to figure out what to say and how to say it.
- 00:42:35These structures help you by telling you how to say it.
- 00:42:41If you can become comfortable with these structures, you can be
- 00:42:45in a situation where you can respond very ably to spontaneous speaking situations.
- 00:42:49We're gonna practice.
- 00:42:52Cuz that's what we do.
- 00:42:54Here's the situation.
- 00:42:55Is everybody familiar with this child's toy?
- 00:42:56It's a slinky.
- 00:42:58Okay?
- 00:42:59You are going to sell this slinky to your partner using either problem,
- 00:43:04solution, benefit or opportunity, solution, benefit.
- 00:43:08What does the slinky provide you?
- 00:43:12Or you could use what, so what, now what?
- 00:43:13What is it? Why is it important?
- 00:43:15And the next steps might be to buy it, okay?
- 00:43:17So by using that structure, see how already it helps you?
- 00:43:21It helps you focus.
- 00:43:22Get with your partner and we,
- 00:43:24we're only going to have one partner sell to the other partner, okay?
- 00:43:29So get with your partner.
- 00:43:32One of you will volunteer to sell to the other, okay?
- 00:43:35Sell a slinky using problem, solution, benefit or what so what, now what?
- 00:43:39Please begin.
- 00:43:44[NOISE].
- 00:43:57>> So we have the handouts, but I'm also going to be doing the, the-
- 00:43:58>> The microphone?
- 00:43:59>> Mic. So. >> When I debrief this, you can go ahead and pass them out.
- 00:44:04Does that make sense?
- 00:44:05>> Okay, so after, after.
- 00:44:06>> No no, mm-hm, after this activity.
- 00:44:09>> Okay. And then. >> And then.
- 00:44:10>> After that.
- 00:44:10>> [NOISE]
- 00:44:2030
- 00:44:28more
- 00:44:36seconds,
- 00:44:54please.
- 00:45:09[NOISE]
- 00:45:13Excellent.
- 00:45:23Let's all close the deal, seal the deal.
- 00:45:26[NOISE] I have never seen.
- 00:45:33More people in one place doing this at the same time.
- 00:45:36[LAUGH] I love it.
- 00:45:39I teach people to gesture and gesture big, it's great.
- 00:45:41I love it.
- 00:45:42So if you were the recipient of the sales pitch, thumbs up.
- 00:45:47Did they do a good job?
- 00:45:49Did they use the structure?
- 00:45:51Awesome.
- 00:45:52I'm recruiting you all for my next business as my salespeople.
- 00:45:54[LAUGH] Please try to ignore this,
- 00:45:57but as we're speaking the handout I told you about is coming around.
- 00:46:01On the back of that handout,
- 00:46:03you're going to see a list of structures, the two we talked about and
- 00:46:07several others, that can help you in spontaneous speaking situations.
- 00:46:11These structures help.
- 00:46:13Because they help you understand, how you're going to say what you say.
- 00:46:17Structure sets you free and I know that's kind of ironic, but it's true, if
- 00:46:21you have that structure then you are free to think about what you are going to say.
- 00:46:26It reduces the cognitive load of figuring out what you are saying, and
- 00:46:29how you are going to say it.
- 00:46:31All of this is on that handout, okay?
- 00:46:35So what does this all mean?
- 00:46:37It means that we have, within our ability, the tools and
- 00:46:43the approaches, to help us in spontaneous speaking situations.
- 00:46:47The very first thing we have to do is manage our anxiety,
- 00:46:50because you can't be an effective speaker.
- 00:46:52If you don't have your anxiety under control.
- 00:46:55And we talked about how you can do that by greeting your anxiety,
- 00:46:59reframing as a conversation, and being in the present moment.
- 00:47:03Once you do that, you need to practice a series of four steps,
- 00:47:07that will help you speak spontaneously.
- 00:47:10First you get out of your own way.
- 00:47:12I would love it if all of you, on your way from here to the football game,
- 00:47:17point at things and call them the wrong name.
- 00:47:18[LAUGH] It'll be fun.
- 00:47:20If most of us do it, then it won't be weird.
- 00:47:22If only one and two of us do it, it'll be weird.
- 00:47:24Right.
- 00:47:24Second.
- 00:47:26Give gifts.
- 00:47:27By that I mean see your interactions as ones of opportunity, not challenges.
- 00:47:33Third, take the time to listen, listen.
- 00:47:39And then finally, use structures.
- 00:47:42And you have to practice these structures.
- 00:47:43I practice these structures on my kids.
- 00:47:46I have two kids.
- 00:47:46When they ask me questions, I usually answer them in what, so what, now what.
- 00:47:50They don't know it.
- 00:47:52But, when they go over to their friends' houses and
- 00:47:54they see their friends ask their dads questions, they don't get what, so
- 00:47:56what, now what.
- 00:47:57So, you know, you have to practice.
- 00:48:00The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become.
- 00:48:03Ultimately you have the opportunity before you to become more compelling,
- 00:48:07more confident, more connected as a speaker, if you leverage these techniques.
- 00:48:14If you're interested in learning more, this is where I do a little plug.
- 00:48:17'Kay, I've written a book.
- 00:48:18Many of the MBA students who take the strategic communication classes,
- 00:48:21here that I and others teach read it.
- 00:48:23It's called SPEAKING UP WITHOUT FREAKING OUT.
- 00:48:26More importantly,
- 00:48:27there's a website here that I curate called NOFREAKINGSPEAKING.COM.
- 00:48:31And it has lots of information that I've written, and
- 00:48:33others have written about how to become more effective at speaking.
- 00:48:36So that's, that's the end of my plug.
- 00:48:38What I'd really like to do is, enter into a spontaneous speaking situation with you.
- 00:48:44And I would love to entertain any questions that you have.
- 00:48:46There are two people who are running around with microphones, so
- 00:48:49some of us re, who remember the Phil Donahue show.
- 00:48:52We're gonna do a little bit of that.
- 00:48:53If you have a question, the microphone will come, and I'm happy to answer it.
- 00:48:57>> Yeah.
- 00:48:58>> I think if you-
- 00:48:59>> Is it on?
- 00:49:00>> Yep, yep.
- 00:49:01[LAUGH] We can hear you.
- 00:49:02>> Great.
- 00:49:02Can you talk about hostile situations?
- 00:49:05>> Hostile situations, yes.
- 00:49:06So when you find yourself in a challenging situation.
- 00:49:09First, It should not be a surprise to you.
- 00:49:12It should not be a surprise.
- 00:49:14Before you ever speak,
- 00:49:15you should think about what is the environment going to be like?
- 00:49:18So it shouldn't surprise you that there might be some challenges in the room.
- 00:49:24When there are hostile situations that arise, you have to acknowledge it.
- 00:49:28So if somebody says, that's a ridiculous idea, why did you come up with that?
- 00:49:33To simply say, so, the idea I came up with was, right?
- 00:49:35Acknowledge the emotion, I recommend not naming the emotion, right?
- 00:49:40So, you sound really angry, the person's, I'm not angry, I'm frustrated.
- 00:49:43Now we're arguing over their mental state, right?
- 00:49:45Emotional state.
- 00:49:46So, so I say something like, I hear you have a lot of passion on this issue, or,
- 00:49:49I hear there's great concern from you.
- 00:49:51So you acknowledge the emotion, cuz otherwise it sits in the room.
- 00:49:54And then reframe and respond the way that makes sense.
- 00:49:57So if somebody raises their hand and says, your product is ridiculously priced.
- 00:50:02Why do you charge so much?
- 00:50:04I might say I hear great concern, and what you're really asking about is the value of
- 00:50:08our product, and I would give my value proposition, and
- 00:50:11then I would come back and say, and because of the value we provide.
- 00:50:14We believe it's priced fairly.
- 00:50:16So you answer the question about price,
- 00:50:17but you've reframe it in a way that you feel more comfortable answering it.
- 00:50:22So, th, the way to do this is to practice all the skills we just talked about.
- 00:50:27The only skill that I'm adding to this is the awareness in
- 00:50:31advance that you might be in that situation.
- 00:50:34First I have to truly listen to what I'm hearing, right?
- 00:50:37It's very easy for me when I hear a challenging question,
- 00:50:39to get all defensive and not hear what the person's asking.
- 00:50:43I see it as an opportunity to reframe and explain.
- 00:50:45Okay so, again, you have to practice.
- 00:50:48But, that's how I think you address it.
- 00:50:50Are there other questions?
- 00:50:51I see a question back here, yes, please.
- 00:50:53>> Yes, first of all, thank you very much.
- 00:50:54Great, great presentation.
- 00:50:55>> Thank you. >> For a lot of the the speaking I do,
- 00:50:58I have remote audiences, audiences distributed all over the country,
- 00:51:02with telecom.
- 00:51:04Any tips for those kinds of audiences?
- 00:51:05>> So when you are speaking in a situation where not everybody is co-located, okay?
- 00:51:11In fact, at this very moment,
- 00:51:12there are people watching this presentation remotely.
- 00:51:16What you need to do is be mindful of it.
- 00:51:19Second, try to include engagement techniques where the audience actually has
- 00:51:24to do something.
- 00:51:26So, physical participation is what we did here with the games.
- 00:51:30You can ask your audience to imagine something,
- 00:51:32imagine what it would be like if, when we try to achieve a goal, rather than say
- 00:51:36here is the goal we are trying to achieve, say imagine what it would be like if.
- 00:51:39See what that does to you, it pulls you in, I can take polling questions, most of
- 00:51:43the technology that you are referring to has some kind of polling feature.
- 00:51:47You can open up some kind of Wiki or Google Doc, or some collaborative tool.
- 00:51:51Where people can be doing things and
- 00:51:53you can be monitoring that while you're presenting.
- 00:51:56So I might take some breaks.
- 00:51:58I talk for ten, 15 minutes and say, okay, let's apply this and
- 00:52:01let's go into this Google Doc I've created, and I see what people are doing.
- 00:52:04So it's about variety and it's about engagement.
- 00:52:07Those are the ways that you really connect to people who are remote from you.
- 00:52:12Okay, other questions?
- 00:52:13Who, you're pointing oh, [LAUGH], I've got to look for where the mic is.
- 00:52:17>> This may be similar to
- 00:52:18the first question, >> Sure.
- 00:52:19>> But I do a lot of expert witness testimony.
- 00:52:22What's your recommendation for handling cross-examination?
- 00:52:25[LAUGH] Specifically, specifically a hostile one.
- 00:52:27>> I feel like I'm being cross-examined.
- 00:52:29>> It's very hostile.
- 00:52:30[LAUGH].
- 00:52:31In any speaking situation that you go into that has some planned element to it I
- 00:52:36recommend identifying certain themes, that you think are important or
- 00:52:39believe need to come out.
- 00:52:40And then with each one of those themes have some examples and
- 00:52:43concrete evidence that you can use to support it.
- 00:52:46You don't go in with memorized terms, or ways of saying it.
- 00:52:50You just have ideas and themes, and then you put them together as necessary.
- 00:52:54So, when I'm in a situation where people are interrogating me.
- 00:52:58I have certain themes that I wanna get across, and make sure that I,
- 00:53:00I can do that in a way that fits the needs in the moment.
- 00:53:04If it's hostile, again, you, the, the single best tool you have to
- 00:53:10buy yourself time and to help you answer a question efficiently is paraphrasing.
- 00:53:14The paraphrase is like the Swiss Army knife of communication.
- 00:53:18If you remember the show MacGyver, it's your MacGyver tool, right?
- 00:53:22So when a question comes in.
- 00:53:24The way you paraphrase it allows you the opportunity to reframe it,
- 00:53:28to think about your answer and, to pause and make sure you got it right.
- 00:53:33So when you're under those situations, if you have an opportunity to paraphrase it,
- 00:53:36say, so what you're really asking about is x, y and z.
- 00:53:39That gives you the opportunity to employ one of these techniques.
- 00:53:43Now I've never been an expert witness, cuz I'm not an expert on anything, but.
- 00:53:47Those tools I believe could be helpful.
- 00:53:52The microphone is back there.
- 00:53:54Thank you. >> Thank you so much.
- 00:53:54This has been so helpful and enjoyable this morning.
- 00:53:57Would you please show the last screen, so
- 00:54:01we can get down the name of the book you have written and the information?
- 00:54:03>> Absolutely. >> Thank you.
- 00:54:03[LAUGH] I think they actually, you might even have an opportunity,
- 00:54:07it's on the sheet too, everything I said is on the back of that sheet, but
- 00:54:10I am happy to have this behind me while I talk.
- 00:54:12[LAUGH] Other questions?
- 00:54:14Yes please?
- 00:54:15>> Yes, I work with groups that, from,
- 00:54:19that represent many different cultural backgrounds.
- 00:54:23>> Yes. >> So
- 00:54:23are there any caveats or is this a universal strategy.
- 00:54:29>> So in terms of,
- 00:54:30from your perspective as the speaker, >> Yes.
- 00:54:33>> I believe this applies.
- 00:54:34But when you, whenever you communicate, part of the listening aspect is
- 00:54:38also thinking about and is who is my audience and what are their expectations?
- 00:54:42So what are the cultural expectations of the audience that, I'm presenting to?
- 00:54:47So there might be certain norms and rules that are expected.
- 00:54:50So when I travel and
- 00:54:51do talks I have to take into account where I'm doing the, the presentations.
- 00:54:55So I, I'm, I help present in the Ignite program.
- 00:54:57If you have not heard about the Ignite program here at the GSB it's fantastic.
- 00:55:03And I just did a presentation standing in one of these awesome classrooms that have
- 00:55:07all these cameras and I just taught 35 people in Santiago Chile.
- 00:55:12And I needed to understand the cultural expectations of that area.
- 00:55:18And what they expect and
- 00:55:19what they're willing to do, when I ask them to participate.
- 00:55:21So, it, it's part of that listening step where you reflect on what
- 00:55:25are the expectations of the audience.
- 00:55:27I think we have time for two more questions and
- 00:55:29then I'm gonna hang around afterwards if anybody has individual questions.
- 00:55:32But, some of these folks really want me to keep on schedule.
- 00:55:34Yes, please? >> I wanted to ask you a question.
- 00:55:36One of the things that you've done effectively in your talking.
- 00:55:38And I've seen other effective speakers do, is interject humor.
- 00:55:41>> Mm-hm.
- 00:55:41>> In their talk.
- 00:55:42How, what are the risks and rewards of trying to do that.
- 00:55:45>> Well first, thank you, and I appreciate all of you laughing.
- 00:55:48Those are, that's the sum total of all my jokes, you've heard them,
- 00:55:51I'm not funny beyond those jokes.
- 00:55:52[LAUGH] So humor is wonderfully connecting.
- 00:55:56It's wonderfully connecting, it's a great tool for
- 00:55:58connection, it is very, very risky.
- 00:56:01Cultural reasons get in the way,
- 00:56:03sometimes what you think is funny isn't funny to other people.
- 00:56:07What research tells us is that if you're going to try to be funny,
- 00:56:10self-deprecating humor is your best bet, okay?
- 00:56:14Because it is the least risky, there is nothing worse than putting out a joke and
- 00:56:19having no response.
- 00:56:21It actually sets you back farther than if you would have gotten,
- 00:56:24where you would have gotten if the joke would have hit, so
- 00:56:28basic fundamentals you need to think about with humor.
- 00:56:30One, is it funny, how do I know, I ask other people first.
- 00:56:34Second, what happens if it doesn't work?
- 00:56:37Have a backup plan, right?
- 00:56:39And then third, if you're worried about the answers to those first two,
- 00:56:42don't do it, right?
- 00:56:44One last question please.
- 00:56:45The microphone is right here.
- 00:56:46And then like I said, I will hang around afterwards.
- 00:56:48Yes, please.
- 00:56:49>> I I'm sort of on the opposite side of this, since I'm a journalist.
- 00:56:53>> Mm-hm. >> And I frequently have to ask
- 00:56:55spontaneous questions of people, who have been through media training.
- 00:57:03>> Yes. >> So.
- 00:57:04[LAUGH] So any tips for
- 00:57:05chinks in the armor, way to ask.
- 00:57:08[LAUGH]
- 00:57:09>> Ask a question without being antagonistic, but
- 00:57:12get a facsimile of a straight answer.
- 00:57:15>> Well, so let me give you two answers.
- 00:57:16One is I I have young boys, and the power of the why is great.
- 00:57:20Just ask why a couple times, and
- 00:57:22and you can get through that first two layers of training.
- 00:57:25[LAUGH] You know, why do you say that?
- 00:57:27How do you feel about that?
- 00:57:28the, the second bit is.
- 00:57:30To.
- 00:57:32What I have found successful in getting people to.
- 00:57:34I do this to get people to answer in a more authentic way.
- 00:57:38What I'll do is I'll ask them to give advice.
- 00:57:40So what advice would you give somebody who's challenged with this?
- 00:57:43Or what advice would you give to somebody in this situation?
- 00:57:46And by asking for
- 00:57:47the advice, it changes the relationship they have to me as the question asker.
- 00:57:52And I often get much more rich detailed information.
- 00:57:54So the power of the why, and
- 00:57:56then put them in a position of providing guidance, and that can really work.
- 00:58:01With that, I'm going to thank you very much.
- 00:58:03I welcome you to ask questions later, and enjoy the rest of your reunion weekend.
- 00:58:08>> Thank you. [APPLAUSE]
- 00:58:14[MUSIC]
- 00:58:16[BLANK_AUDIO]
- public speaking
- spontaneous speaking
- anxiety management
- mindfulness
- communication
- active listening
- improvisation
- structure
- humor
- interaction