00:00:04
I am 38 years old
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and I am considered a "leftover woman" at this age
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My life has become very difficult recently
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and I feel lost
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I don't know how I went from being a positive and optimistic girl to who I am now
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In the past
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I was always a kind and optimistic girl
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doing my best to solve problems and face challenges with a positive attitude
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But now
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I have lost the courage to face problems
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and I no longer have the ability to solve them
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When faced with trouble
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I can only cry
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feeling helpless
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Right now
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I feel like I have no support
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and there is no reliable man to depend on
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In such a situation
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I deeply feel that I am going through the hardest period of my life
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even harder than when I was preparing for university entrance exams
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because there are many things I just can't handle by myself
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I think about my age and my current situation
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and I feel both pathetic and sad
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Recently
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my emotions have been unstable
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and mentally I feel very unsettled
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So, I went to see a doctor
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and I was diagnosed with mild depression
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for which I need to take medication
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My parents still don’t know about my condition
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and I don’t dare tell them
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So, I am just staying in my room
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lost in thought
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I have lost interest in many things
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and even in men
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There is no reliable man around me
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Could it be that something is wrong with me?
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I have decided to take good care of my body and mind
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and follow the doctor's advice
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I once thought of myself as a "superwoman
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" but now I feel like a useless person
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Looking at myself at 38
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having achieved nothing
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I feel like a failure
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I am confused about the future and don’t know what to do
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It feels like I’m at the lowest point in my life
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I sincerely advise all women to get married as early as possible
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ideally before the age of 28
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Because once you pass 30
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you will truly find that both the quality of your options and the number of men who are interested in you on the matchmaking market will decrease sharply
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At this age
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people begin to think you're getting older and start to lose their expectations for you
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Many matchmakers no longer consider your actual compatibility but just try to pair you with any man
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believing that you're too old to deserve a better one
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and that "just someone decent" will do
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The older you get
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no matter how outstanding you are
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the fewer choices you have
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Unless you're extremely lucky and can marry a man you're completely satisfied with
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otherwise
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the men you meet are either from decent families but are unattractive and short
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or they are decent-looking but have poor financial conditions
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Even worse
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you might meet men who are divorced with children or divorced without children
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In short
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our options become very limited
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Sometimes I truly don’t understand why I’ve allowed myself to get to this age
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I worked hard in my relationships
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and I was very focused
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I invested 100% of my energy in my career as well
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Normally
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hardworking people should be luckier
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but I ended up with nothing and it feels like everything is against me
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Over the years
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I’ve kept giving myself positive affirmations
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telling myself
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“Everything happens for a reason
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” But after five years
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I still don’t know what I’ve been working toward
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Now I’m 35, still not married
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The older I get
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the more urgently my parents push me
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but they are also afraid of pressuring me too much
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When they don’t urge me to get married
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they still get anxious
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and it's making them sick
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Sometimes
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I comfort myself by telling myself not to rush
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but the reality is
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I can't ignore it
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I’m already this old
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and I know I still need to get married
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I can’t imagine being alone for the rest of my life—it scares me just to think about it
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But when I take matchmaking seriously
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the reality is
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I truly don’t find any suitable men around me
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Everyone thinks I have high standards
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but in fact
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my standards are not high at all
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I’ve cried, I’ve been sad
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but after crying, I move on
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Life still has to continue
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When I don’t have a partner
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I still have to live my life well—work hard
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earn money, and improve myself
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Even so, deep down
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I still long to find someone to spend my life with
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So
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my heartfelt advice to all the girls is:
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you must find a partner early
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don’t drag it out for too long
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the earlier, the better
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I’m 45 years old
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and I’m still not married and don’t have children
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Now I deeply feel that, sisters
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you should get married sooner because women who don’t get married really have a tough time
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At 45
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I find that I no longer have any friends around me
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They’ve all settled down
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gotten married
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and even had a second child
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busy taking care of their husbands and children
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while I’m left to live alone
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In the mornings
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I can only sleep in until I wake up naturally
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and after work
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I might go watch a movie by myself
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It’s really a lonely life
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My friends, on the other hand
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are all married and their daily lives are full and meaningful
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They’re busy taking their kids to various extracurricular classes
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picking them up from school
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and all of this makes me feel like I’ve missed out on so much
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As for me
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I often wander the streets alone
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grab a cup of coffee
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or find a place to take a few photos just to pass the time
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Especially during holidays
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when others are with their families
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having lively and happy times
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I’m left to spend them alone in some unfamiliar place
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Honestly, I don’t want to go out
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but being alone is just too boring
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Apart from going out
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it seems like I have no other choice
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Sometimes
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I feel extremely lonely
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I try to arrange gatherings with my friends
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but they’re all busy taking care of their husbands
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children
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or organizing family gatherings
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or even tutoring their kids
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And then there’s me
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with no family
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no children
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and no responsibilities
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so I really wish my friends could come out and spend some time with me
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Every time I see others gathering with their families
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I realize just how lonely I am
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This life really makes me feel very tough;
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my heart feels empty
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and I really hope that all women won’t easily give up on marriage and family
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because being alone is just too hard
00:06:20
Hello everyone
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I am 38 years old now
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I’m currently a "single woman
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" and I should be one of the first single women of my age in the village
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Actually
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there’s another sister in our village who is the same age as me
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42
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but she has already found a partner
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a man from the neighboring village
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When I saw the man she found
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I was really shocked
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and I felt a deep sense of regret
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That day, when I saw her partner
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I regretted so much
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I regretted not getting married earlier
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and I regretted letting my age reach 38 before starting to think about marriage
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Especially now
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when I see the man she found
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I can’t help but worry about myself
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because, to be honest
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the man she found is really very unattractive!
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But there’s nothing she can do
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she’s already 42
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and she has no choice but to settle for a man
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What makes me even more helpless is that the man she found is also 42
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has been divorced once
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and has a child
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Now
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neither of them plans to have more children
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So, I keep thinking
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why didn’t I get married earlier?
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If I had married earlier
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maybe now I could have had better options
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instead of being stuck in this situation
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Nowadays
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most of the matchmakers who introduce me to potential partners are over 40
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The men who are somewhat better off are starting to worry about whether I can still have children
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In their eyes, I’m already 38
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and they think I don’t deserve better options
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In their eyes, at 38
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I can only be with men who are less than ideal
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or even unattractive
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Saying all this makes me feel so heavy-hearted
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and I’m becoming more anxious and helpless
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I really feel like crying
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To be honest
00:07:51
the men who are somewhat better looking or have better conditions have already gotten married
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Now
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if I really want to get married
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I might have to settle for someone with worse conditions
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or even someone who isn’t very good-looking
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But I don’t want to settle
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I don’t want to compromise easily
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I really want to find a man I like
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So right now, I feel so confused
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and my heart is full of regret
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As a girl born in 1990 from an ordinary family
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now 34 years old
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when I think back on the path I've walked
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I really feel a bit foolish
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Many years ago
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I believed in all those so-called "toxic self-help" advice
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thinking that girls should first enrich themselves
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take their time
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and not rush—believing that one day I would find a man who is not only wealthy but also handsome and considerate
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In the end
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reality gave me a hard slap in the face
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and now I’ve become an older single woman
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It was only in the past two years that I finally realized
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as a girl with no background and no prestigious education
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I can't afford to talk about ideals anymore
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I must learn to make trade-offs
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I especially want to tell young women now that girls like us
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from ordinary backgrounds
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must be rational in weighing our choices
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We should not blindly pursue perfect conditions
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When we choose a man
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he will also choose us
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so we must know what we truly need
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instead of demanding everything from him
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Recently
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I talked to some friends who married well
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and I realized they were actually very smart
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They knew what they wanted
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set clear standards
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and then diligently pursued them
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I have a friend who
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when she was younger
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was clear about her goals
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She wanted to find a man with a house and a car
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someone slightly better off
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Her standards weren’t high—she didn’t require him to have an exceptional career
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just good character
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responsibility
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and a fully paid house in the city
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She started looking for a partner with these standards when she was young
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and in the end
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she found the right person
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As for me
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after my failed business venture
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I went to study for a correspondence college degree and worked in sales
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During this time
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I thought I was strong and independent
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I wanted to find a man who could lead me in my career
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someone who was handsome
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over 1.8 meters tall
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and could provide emotional support behind the scenes
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I also hoped he would have enough time to spend with me
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understand my feelings
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and take care of my emotions
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But these demands didn’t align with the reality of what men in real life wanted
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Looking back now
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I realize how naive my thinking was
00:10:21
Men with better careers often have greater ambitions
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and it’s hard for them to balance family and emotions
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Yet
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I was looking for such a perfect man
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Even if such a perfect man did exist
00:10:33
he would need to find a woman who could take care of the family
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support him at home
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and take care of the children—how could I be that person?
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Now
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I feel like it's really difficult for me to get married
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So
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I especially want to advise those young women:
00:10:47
Don’t keep waiting for the perfect partner
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Be clear about what you really want
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understand yourself
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and don't just keep demanding everything from others
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It’s better to be practical and grounded!
00:11:02
For women over the age of 30
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especially those who are unmarried and around 34 like me
00:11:07
I have some personal advice
00:11:09
First of all, at this age
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our focus should no longer solely be on finding a man
00:11:14
You need to realize that what truly deserves your time and energy is how to make breakthroughs in your career and earn more money
00:11:21
rather than relying solely on marriage
00:11:23
For women
00:11:24
the greatest fear is not aging
00:11:26
but aging without having anything
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As I mentioned before
00:11:29
at the age of 30
00:11:30
we need to adjust our mindset and approach
00:11:34
We can no longer see the “high
00:11:35
rich
00:11:36
and handsome man falling in love with me” as our goal
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Sure
00:11:39
some women might be attracted to this fantasy
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but you must understand that at this age
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if you still hold onto this illusion
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it is quite unrealistic and even a bit foolish
00:11:49
To be honest, at this age
00:11:50
there is an imbalance in the dating standards between men and women
00:11:55
For women like us
00:11:56
the so-called “leftover women
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” our personal conditions are often already quite good—we may already own a house
00:12:02
and our income is decent
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We expect a man who is equally well-off
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and it is perfectly normal for us to want a man who earns a little more than we do
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However, from a man’s perspective
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especially those who are financially successful and well-established in their careers
00:12:18
they are generally more inclined to look for younger women
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Why?
00:12:22
Because they have cars, houses
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and high incomes
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some even earning tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands per year
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Naturally
00:12:29
they want to find a young woman
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especially one who is still single
00:12:34
They wonder why they would choose an older woman
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No matter how you see it
00:12:38
men are naturally more attracted to younger women
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especially when they have the option
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Look at those rich and powerful men—have they not seen the world?
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Don’t they all choose wives much younger than themselves?
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This is the reality
00:12:53
although it sounds vulgar
00:12:54
we must admit it
00:12:56
A man’s dating preferences tend to favor youth
00:12:59
and this is not because they lack taste
00:13:01
but because it is in human nature
00:13:03
Also, at this age
00:13:04
if an exceptional man chooses you
00:13:06
it is often because you possess advantages that younger women do not have
00:13:09
such as your abilities
00:13:11
wealth, or networks
00:13:12
If you don’t have these things
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how will you compete with younger women?
00:13:16
Sometimes
00:13:17
older women can also date younger men
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But that requires money
00:13:22
If you don’t have money
00:13:24
why would these younger men be interested in you?
00:13:27
These younger men who seem willing to date older women are often drawn to them for their financial advantages
00:13:33
Regarding blind dates
00:13:34
I personally don’t recommend that you get involved in the matchmaking market
00:13:39
Oftentimes
00:13:39
the people in this market are those who have been left behind
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and they may even have some defects or flaws
00:13:45
If you go on a blind date
00:13:46
you may end up meeting men with very poor conditions
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Out of ten men
00:13:51
finding one who is decent is already a good outcome
00:13:55
Don’t be fooled by the apparent vibrancy of the matchmaking market—those men are not suitable for us
00:14:00
so women over 30 should definitely not try to find a man in the matchmaking market
00:14:05
Really, just don’t go
00:14:07
As we reach middle age
00:14:08
we should focus on building our careers and becoming financially independent
00:14:13
Once we have money
00:14:14
we can occasionally enjoy a carefree relationship with some younger men to adjust our lives
00:14:19
If fate brings us the right person
00:14:21
that’s wonderful
00:14:22
but don’t rush into marriage
00:14:24
especially if you are not fully prepared
00:14:27
Nowadays
00:14:27
national policies are gradually supporting single women in raising children independently
00:14:32
which is far better than letting the child live with an unfit father
00:14:36
So rather than tying yourself to an unsuitable man
00:14:39
it’s better to raise your child on your own and control the rhythm of your life
00:14:44
The advice I am giving is based on my personal experience and observations
00:14:49
I know that choosing marriage is important for every woman
00:14:52
and we must choose an excellent man to marry
00:14:55
It’s great if we meet the right person
00:14:57
but if we haven’t met him yet
00:14:59
that’s fine
00:15:00
What matters most is that we can live better on our own
00:15:07
This year, I am 39 years old
00:15:10
and through the process of arranged dating
00:15:12
I have gradually become aware of some issues
00:15:15
I remember when I was 26
00:15:17
a man I met through an arranged date told me that I was getting old because he believed that 25-year-old women were the most suitable for having children
00:15:25
Later, when I was in my 30s
00:15:27
other men said the same thing
00:15:29
One of them mentioned that he preferred to find a 27-year-old woman
00:15:33
It became clear to me that the problem might have started the moment I entered the arranged dating market — I had already lost
00:15:40
Often
00:15:41
people didn’t view me based on my overall value
00:15:44
but instead
00:15:45
they measured me by the value of my "womb
00:15:47
" as if all they cared about was whether I could bear children for them
00:15:51
ignoring my other strengths
00:15:53
Over time
00:15:53
I came to realize that some men only paid attention to me when I met their needs
00:15:58
At this point
00:15:59
their conversations shifted to how I could help them solve some of their life problems
00:16:04
such as helping them handle their mortgage or paying off their loans
00:16:07
This type of interaction is essentially an exchange of resources
00:16:11
Because I am older
00:16:13
I must be clear about my bottom line — what kind of help I need
00:16:17
Sometimes
00:16:18
I feel that there’s no need to exchange love for resources
00:16:22
If that’s the case
00:16:23
it might be better to just be friends and help them out with money and tasks
00:16:28
I also gradually realized that women like me
00:16:30
who are older
00:16:31
tend to have a few different paths
00:16:33
The first type is those who lower their standards and end up with men who have no house or car
00:16:38
or may even have to contribute their own car and house to support them
00:16:42
The second type is those who are luckier and meet wealthy men who gained substantial wealth from original shares in listed companies
00:16:49
and now live a stable life relying on their financial freedom
00:16:53
The third type might be those who become the mistress of their boss and gain material support
00:16:58
The fourth type is women like me
00:17:00
who neither want to accept being kept nor have met men willing to keep them
00:17:04
and who also refuse to lower their standards
00:17:07
ending up in a more difficult situation
00:17:09
There are also women who choose to become so-called "strong women
00:17:13
" but I haven't fully achieved that
00:17:15
If I could become a strong woman
00:17:17
perhaps my life would be easier
00:17:19
and I might even end up supporting others financially
00:17:22
Looking back
00:17:23
if I had married a suitable man at 25
00:17:26
my life trajectory might have been entirely different
00:17:30
I’ve come to realize that as I grow older
00:17:32
the quality of the men I meet declines drastically
00:17:35
Every arranged date seems to bring me into contact with increasingly less ideal men
00:17:41
Therefore
00:17:42
I also understand that after the age of 25
00:17:45
the first man I meet on any given date is always better than the ones who come later
00:17:50
I’ve emphasized many times that it is extremely difficult for older women
00:17:54
especially those over 30
00:17:56
to get married
00:17:57
Finding a man who is both satisfying and suitable is truly hard
00:18:02
Many women online often say
00:18:04
“What’s wrong with us older women?
00:18:06
We have money, education
00:18:08
and high IQs
00:18:09
If we really want to get married
00:18:11
we can lower our standards a little and easily find a man with good conditions
00:18:16
”
00:18:16
It seems they believe these qualities can make up for the disadvantage of age
00:18:20
They may think they’re superior to many others in some respects
00:18:24
but I need to tell them that the reality of the marriage market is not as simple as they think
00:18:29
Many older women still don’t understand that no matter how capable you are
00:18:33
successful men don’t simply judge their partners based on education or ability
00:18:38
Men’s needs are simple:
00:18:40
youth and beauty
00:18:41
As long as you meet these two criteria
00:18:44
you can easily find a suitable partner
00:18:46
This is why most men would rather pursue younger girls than choose older women
00:18:51
I know many women may not believe this
00:18:53
but I want to share a real case to show you
00:18:55
My friend’s matchmaking company had a 36-year-old woman come in the other day
00:19:00
Let’s take a look at what this 36-year-old woman said about her real situation
00:19:05
When she arrived
00:19:06
she told us that as a woman over 35
00:19:09
dating has been heartbreaking
00:19:10
The men she was introduced to were either divorced with children or men over 40
00:19:16
No matter how hard she worked on improving herself—whether it was getting a good education
00:19:20
earning well
00:19:21
or even owning her own house—none of it mattered to the men
00:19:25
To them
00:19:26
the most important thing was that you were young
00:19:28
beautiful, and full of vitality
00:19:31
Her experience is that men don’t value your education or ability when they choose a partner
00:19:37
What they care about most is your age and appearance
00:19:40
She said that sometimes she feels really resentful
00:19:43
She remembers when she was in her twenties
00:19:45
she could pick any handsome guy with her eyes closed
00:19:48
but in the end
00:19:49
she missed the best opportunities
00:19:52
She never imagined that one day
00:19:54
she would have to rely on a matchmaking agency to find a partner
00:19:58
So
00:19:58
I want to give a reminder to young girls who are not yet older women:
00:20:02
act early while you are still young
00:20:04
Don’t wait until you’re older and regret it—by then
00:20:07
it will be too late
00:20:09
What do you think these older single women should do?
00:20:11
Feel free to leave your comments;
00:20:13
I would love to hear your thoughts
00:20:15
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00:20:16
please give it a thumbs up and subscribe to our channel
00:20:19
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00:20:22
and we will continue to bring you better content
00:20:24
Thank you again for watching
00:20:26
and we hope to see you next time
