00:00:01
[Music]
00:00:28
looks like Christmas came early to me aw
00:00:31
you going to cry I should not adhere for
00:00:34
such transient items what the wealth
00:00:36
you've gained reflects nothing more than
00:00:37
an impoverished Soul okay all right just
00:00:40
shut up what's the point of Christmas if
00:00:41
I can't bully anybody I hope this makes
00:00:44
it to Santa on
00:00:46
time who the hell is that I think that's
00:00:49
the new kid but why haven't I seen him
00:00:51
he never leaves his room I hear he only
00:00:52
lets the keeper go in and out of it a
00:00:55
letter to Santa let's rip it up and
00:00:57
shove it under his door no I have a b
00:00:59
better
00:01:01
idea I hope Santa gives us a good home
00:01:04
this year Snoopy tight move
00:01:07
pleaser oh Jolly could it be dear Elijah
00:01:12
I got your heartfelt letter and want to
00:01:14
let you know that Christmas is coming
00:01:15
quite early to you soon you will hear
00:01:18
three knocks those are my little helpers
00:01:21
open the door for them Merry Christmas
00:01:24
Santa Claus did you read that Snoopy
00:01:27
that [ __ ] was hard man the three9
00:01:31
Merry Christmas new kid are you Santa's
00:01:34
helpers he really believed it wait I
00:01:36
just put that up sorry kid Santa's
00:01:38
orders trash the place wait please stop
00:01:41
Santa's going to find out about this
00:01:43
what you don't seriously believe in him
00:01:46
do you he's real I swear it oh you swear
00:01:49
it boss check this out what it do nephew
00:01:51
uh Snoopy all right new kid if you can
00:01:54
bring me Santa Claus Before Christmas
00:01:56
then you get your stuff to back but if
00:01:58
not then Snoopy is going to have to meet
00:02:00
his manufacturer we screw give him back
00:02:03
you heard the boss kid Merry Christmas
00:02:05
Elijah have a happy New Year no he's all
00:02:08
I have please don't take him too how am
00:02:11
I going to prove Santa's real Before
00:02:13
Christmas it's not like there's anyone
00:02:14
who can help me find out where
00:02:16
[Music]
00:02:18
he what is this summon him well it's
00:02:22
worth a shot nav Nava Vare
00:02:28
Vare
00:02:31
well here's Santa
00:02:33
Claus are you sure that's him no he's
00:02:36
got the
00:02:37
bear oh almost forgot the Hat all right
00:02:41
there we go now uh sit on his lap and
00:02:42
tell him what you want for
00:02:44
Christmas say Chris scle where's Santa
00:02:47
mommy he's in the mall sweetie just a
00:02:49
little
00:02:50
further oh sh so sorry about that here
00:02:54
just take
00:02:55
this all right kid let's go actually I'm
00:02:58
just a bit hungry
00:03:06
thanks marry Christmas I knew he was
00:03:09
real all right kid you're next ho ho ho
00:03:13
what would you like for Christmas little
00:03:14
man hi uh Mr Claus C could you please
00:03:17
visit some people for me no of course I
00:03:20
visit everyone on Christmas Eve well um
00:03:22
could you maybe visit them right now oh
00:03:24
I'm sorry son but I can't I have this
00:03:26
whole line of people waiting for me sir
00:03:28
get out of the Rope I know s but I wish
00:03:30
you a Merry
00:03:32
Christmas Snoop this beard is getting
00:03:35
itch hey how's it going aren't you a
00:03:38
little too old for this I just have a
00:03:39
few questions Santa or should I call you
00:03:42
general cringle what where were you
00:03:44
during World War II World War II do code
00:03:47
name fat man ring a bell to you what are
00:03:49
you talking about can you explain this
00:03:52
photo is that a meme or maybe this one
00:03:55
seems like the addictions had a big GE
00:03:57
tell me Mr cringle how nice do you have
00:03:59
to be for for a pyramid security you
00:04:01
admit to giving President Nixon Early
00:04:02
Access to photoshop to fake the moon
00:04:04
landing get this guy off of are you
00:04:05
keeping Amelia
00:04:11
aart
00:04:12
huh he's not
00:04:17
real sorry for getting us locked into
00:04:20
here kid kind of fell into a huge
00:04:21
cringle gate Rabbit Hole a few days ago
00:04:23
I just can't believe he was fake this
00:04:24
whole time maybe they were right maybe
00:04:27
Santa isn't real oh he's real all right
00:04:29
that just wasn't him um who are you
00:04:32
someone who knew Santa quite well one of
00:04:35
his
00:04:36
helpers Peter Dinklage no I'm an elf I
00:04:40
know no but he was what why are you here
00:04:43
Mr elf well little one I'm looking for
00:04:45
Santa can we team up hold on kid if
00:04:48
you're an elf why aren't you with Santa
00:04:51
right now it all started 30 Christmases
00:04:53
ago bye I left Santa's workshop and came
00:04:56
to the US to Chase my dream career a
00:04:59
dentist a used car salesman and it was
00:05:02
wonderful I was able to give people
00:05:03
gifts every day it felt like I was doing
00:05:05
some real good in the world this is
00:05:07
going to make my life as a single mother
00:05:08
so much easier wow a single mother that
00:05:11
must be so challenging for you you're
00:05:13
very brave and once every December I'd
00:05:15
catch up with everyone at the North Pole
00:05:17
hey py hey guys how's the US oh it's
00:05:19
been great I
00:05:20
mean it was the same talk every time hey
00:05:23
P how's it going guys how's the US uh 2
00:05:25
years in it's not so bad and it wasn't
00:05:28
until last year that I noticed
00:05:30
hey he guys how's the US same as 29
00:05:32
Christmases ago bye bye damn it the
00:05:34
controller's broken who cares he doesn't
00:05:36
even realize it's on
00:05:38
fre well jingle my bells and I've been
00:05:41
trying to find Santa ever since now
00:05:43
there's only one place left to go all
00:05:44
right you guys are free to leave can we
00:05:46
come with you sure as long as you buy
00:05:48
the
00:05:50
tickets um can I have three tickets to
00:05:52
the North Pole please of course three
00:05:53
tickets to the North Pole leaving today
00:05:55
would be around um
00:05:58
4,250
00:06:00
$3 donations please donations please you
00:06:03
a great cause you a good Merry Christmas
00:06:06
beel this doesn't seem right do you want
00:06:08
to go to the North Pole or not yes good
00:06:11
now take these crutches please donations
00:06:14
please what's this all about we're
00:06:16
collecting donations for the sick child
00:06:18
it's always been his biggest dream to
00:06:20
travel to the North Pole and meet Santa
00:06:21
Claus oh well I'll be our group is
00:06:24
actually taking a bus to the North Pole
00:06:26
for a trip of worship we'd love to have
00:06:28
you come along the trip of
00:06:30
[Music]
00:06:34
worship
00:06:39
hallelu damn it it's
00:06:41
catchy thank
00:06:45
you Santa's workshop and it's
00:06:48
only 5 k.m. it's measurement of distance
00:06:52
well how far is it I don't know probably
00:06:53
like 50
00:06:58
ft
00:07:00
has it been 50 ft yet I think it's been
00:07:02
about 30 it's been like 15,000 oh to be
00:07:05
fair my feet are bigger than yours do
00:07:07
you know how Feet Work kid he's probably
00:07:11
hypothermic we need to make sure he
00:07:13
stays awake hold on I think this will do
00:07:14
the trick wake up kid where did you get
00:07:17
that there's a whole pile of them over
00:07:20
there wait no put that
00:07:24
back what is that it's a Coke bear
00:07:27
they're extremely territorial you can
00:07:29
take it
00:07:30
back sorry about that my hand wait you
00:07:34
wouldn't happen to be in the market for
00:07:36
a used
00:07:37
vehicle fantastic I think you're going
00:07:40
to love this
00:07:41
[Music]
00:07:44
one oh a single mother maybe this will
00:07:47
change your
00:07:49
mind and the lending
00:07:52
period
00:07:55
R sh the [ __ ] hurry up
00:08:04
she's turning back I think we should
00:08:06
probably just stay here and warm up for
00:08:07
a bit at least until the Bear's gone
00:08:08
it's a good thing the shed was here well
00:08:10
you can thank Santa for that but it's
00:08:12
weird why does this place look
00:08:14
abandoned dead you're alive what
00:08:17
happened your Genius friend stole Coke
00:08:19
from a Coke bear at least I didn't try
00:08:20
to sell a car to it I gave it the single
00:08:22
mother race yeah we pissed her off are
00:08:24
we at Santa's Workshop not yet but we're
00:08:26
very close what what are we waiting for
00:08:28
oh kid you almost died from hypothermia
00:08:30
and now you want to go back out into the
00:08:31
blizzard well he said Santa's Workshop
00:08:33
is close didn't he and besides I have no
00:08:35
time to waste Snoopy's life depends on
00:08:37
it I only have until tonight to get him
00:08:40
back good as new all right take this
00:08:42
kid what is this it's a specialized elf
00:08:45
uniform it'll keep you warmer than a cup
00:08:47
of hot chocolate oh do I get one wow
00:08:50
this is incredibly warm I think I see it
00:08:53
this is it Elijah this is the place
00:08:55
where magic happens the place where
00:08:57
children's dreams are made welcome to
00:09:01
Amazon wait
00:09:03
Amazon are you telling me we risked Our
00:09:05
Lives to come to an Amazon fulfillment
00:09:06
center no no this is where Santa's
00:09:08
Workshop is supposed to be that's the
00:09:10
elf Village and that's the reindeer
00:09:16
Stables we need to find out what
00:09:18
happened sounds like it's time for my
00:09:20
favorite holiday activity trespass
00:09:22
him damn
00:09:25
it Target's acquired stay back you two
00:09:28
you're about to watch a master of
00:09:30
Stealth at
00:09:34
[Music]
00:09:37
work the stealth wizard
00:09:40
strikes what are you
00:09:42
doing you must be talking about someone
00:09:44
else you with the black cloak and horns
00:09:47
oh hey what's going on are you
00:09:48
authorized to be in this area of course
00:09:50
where's your badge oh um my if I don't
00:09:52
see a badge then I'm going to have to
00:09:53
call this
00:09:56
in power of
00:09:58
stealth
00:10:07
oh my God they have complimentary
00:10:11
lemonade hey you three don't just stand
00:10:14
around there it's Christmas Eve it's the
00:10:16
busiest time of the year get to a damn
00:10:18
station yes sir right away sir better
00:10:20
not catch you again aren't we supposed
00:10:22
to be looking for Santa Claus this is a
00:10:24
stealth Mission kid the only way to find
00:10:25
Santa is to blend in and ask questions
00:10:34
uh um sir do you know where I can find
00:10:36
Santa Claus Santa Claus are you talking
00:10:38
about the Cs machine the Cs machine the
00:10:41
Christmas P machine stuff you charge
00:10:43
your tools with oh yes my tools need
00:10:45
charging all right then go down that
00:10:47
hallway first door on the left then turn
00:10:49
right thank
00:10:54
you nice work kid excuse me guys I need
00:10:57
to use the men's room oh um no thanks
00:11:00
I'm not really that
00:11:02
thirsty
00:11:04
y oh my God is
00:11:13
thata they're using his energy to power
00:11:15
the stuff here we need to break him out
00:11:17
of this machine before anyone finds out
00:11:20
what are you doing oh I'm just charging
00:11:22
my phone well that's actually a pretty
00:11:24
good idea we don't have time for this
00:11:26
you guys we have to break them out now
00:11:30
ah oh no he's
00:11:34
out what the hell is
00:11:41
happened what's going
00:11:45
on Rise and Shine traitors you must be
00:11:48
tired from a whole day of Espionage how
00:11:50
about a nice cup of hot chocolate wait
00:11:53
no I'm lactose intolerant lower them
00:11:54
down with pleasure
00:11:56
sir I'll take a night shift I'm going
00:11:58
toat enjoy them
00:12:01
sir stop the machine for me I need to
00:12:04
speak to an old
00:12:08
friend welcome to Amazon headquarters
00:12:11
you three is that Pitbull I think that's
00:12:13
the owner of Amazon Jeff Bezos right to
00:12:15
you all I'm Jeff Bezos but to your
00:12:18
little elf friend well he might call me
00:12:20
a different name what are you talking
00:12:22
about really you don't remember well I
00:12:24
guess it has been 30 Christmases isn't
00:12:26
that right py jaf felter
00:12:30
who's felter he was the lead manager at
00:12:32
Santa's Workshop second to command to Mr
00:12:33
Claus himself oh no need for the
00:12:35
flattery what did you do to Santa oh I
00:12:38
didn't do anything to him he was just
00:12:40
afraid of change and unfortunately for
00:12:42
him he became a part of it what do you
00:12:45
mean 30 Christmases ago I came to Santa
00:12:47
with an
00:12:48
idea jelter what brings you here Santa I
00:12:52
have a business proposition for you a
00:12:54
business prop what I explained to him
00:12:56
how Bountiful our resources were how his
00:12:58
El only worked a week out of the year
00:13:00
and yet supplied billions of presents
00:13:02
how if we used our capacity to its full
00:13:04
potential we could give the people
00:13:06
Christmas every day of the year we would
00:13:09
be in our Prime oh he said the thing but
00:13:12
Santa didn't like that he was resistant
00:13:14
to change I'm sorry but no no what do
00:13:17
you mean no jelter Christmas is about
00:13:20
the spirit of giving I I know this is
00:13:22
giving no jelter this is the spirit of
00:13:25
getting this creates Joy not through
00:13:27
helping others but through helping
00:13:28
oneself
00:13:29
to know Santa's response was
00:13:31
disappointing to say the least but I
00:13:33
knew change was coming sooner or later
00:13:35
and that I would be the one to bring it
00:13:36
about behind Santa's back I started my
00:13:38
website and Shi books to customers using
00:13:40
stolen reindeer it didn't take long for
00:13:43
the company to expand and soon I brought
00:13:45
more products more employees I brought
00:13:48
change Santa only found out because
00:13:50
Christmas spirit was at an all-time low
00:13:52
apparently I had something to do with it
00:13:54
what have you done jaela what have I
00:13:56
done I brought change Santa your change
00:13:58
just destroyed the Christmas spirit then
00:14:00
I guess getting beat giving just felt oh
00:14:04
hey thanks to Christmas spirit being an
00:14:06
alltime low we were able to subdue Santa
00:14:09
and turn him into a valuable energy
00:14:11
resource I tried to keep you away from
00:14:13
it pety I really admired how you went to
00:14:15
the US and sought your own change but
00:14:17
fate brought you back here so what will
00:14:20
it be pety would you like to be a Prime
00:14:23
member are you looking for a used 2016
00:14:26
Nissan
00:14:27
Ultima no not really well there's my
00:14:30
answer start up the
00:14:32
machine # open to work let's go you two
00:14:35
it's Christmas Eve let's get back to our
00:14:37
stations yes
00:14:41
sir that's not helping you weren't
00:14:44
helping when you turn down that offer I
00:14:46
wasn't going to betray Santa you could
00:14:48
have for like 30
00:14:50
minutes I can't believe je felter is
00:14:52
doing this and for what faster shipping
00:14:54
what wait did you just say fast shipping
00:14:56
yeah I mean they have like drones and
00:14:57
stuff now
00:14:59
what are you doing saving Our
00:15:05
Lives thank you great idea bezel did you
00:15:08
get a ladder or some sort of flotation
00:15:09
device something even
00:15:12
better is that an ice cube track it's an
00:15:14
ice cube trade with 24 pre-made ice
00:15:15
cubes one Ice Cube trade isn't going to
00:15:17
do anything I know I'm not an idiot
00:15:19
that's why I bought two are you kidding
00:15:24
me well should have bought a third stop
00:15:31
well that's should hold them off until
00:15:32
we get the new parts are you sure a roll
00:15:34
of duct tape is really all it takes okay
00:15:36
relax minor Santa does not possess
00:15:38
nearly the amount of Christmas spirit it
00:15:40
takes to break out of this machine let
00:15:41
alone with a few cracks anyways you two
00:15:43
can return to your shifts I have to go
00:15:45
to a
00:15:49
meeting no use to fighting please here
00:15:52
comes the
00:15:54
Haymaker why the hell did you punch him
00:15:56
this is all your fault guys please stop
00:15:58
fighting and apologize to each other I'm
00:16:00
not going to apologize no bezel I'm
00:16:03
sorry I shouldn't have gotten angry at
00:16:04
you it's not your fault that you're
00:16:05
mentally handicap now I'm sorry it's you
00:16:08
I'd also have a short temper if I didn't
00:16:09
reach the high requirements for most
00:16:10
roller coasters isn't that better I'm
00:16:12
sorry for dragging you into this Elijah
00:16:14
yeah this must be your worst Christmas
00:16:15
ever actually it isn't it actually might
00:16:17
be the best Christmas I've ever had well
00:16:19
besides burning to death by hot
00:16:20
chocolate but other than that I feel
00:16:22
like I got what I wish for this
00:16:23
Christmas which was I asked Santa for a
00:16:25
family to spend Christmas with and in a
00:16:27
way I got that for a moment it felt like
00:16:28
I was on a Christmas vacation with My
00:16:30
Two Dads look kid there's nothing
00:16:32
romantic going on between me and pety
00:16:33
but if there were don't finish that
00:16:36
sentence well that can't be good oh you
00:16:38
think
00:16:39
so and we're in kind of surpris this
00:16:42
card had me do that but I would rely
00:16:44
risk a felony than drink that [ __ ] again
00:16:46
all right will it's your 10 wait what
00:16:48
are they doing it looks like a son and
00:16:50
his two dads in a Jacuzzi I mean that
00:16:52
probably just spinning quality time wait
00:16:53
they're sinking oh wait you're right we
00:16:55
need to do something I'm already on it
00:16:57
all right just throwing a quick fil and
00:17:01
[Music]
00:17:05
sin what is this I don't know I got it
00:17:10
too yeah to play that
00:17:17
[ __ ] well I guess this is it huh at
00:17:20
least there's a life after death for you
00:17:21
guys what about for you bezel I don't
00:17:23
know I didn't really pay attention in
00:17:24
Bible studies I wish I could have told
00:17:26
Snoopy goodbye I wish I ordered more ice
00:17:28
cube
00:17:29
sh I can't take this anymore
00:17:32
guys I don't people
00:17:39
die what the hell are you doing next
00:17:41
year all our
00:17:44
TR I forgot the third stage of grief is
00:17:46
Christmas caroling weel is our last
00:17:48
Christmas Eve if the kid wants to spend
00:17:49
it caroling then let him okay all right
00:17:51
fine have
00:17:54
yourself Merry Little
00:17:57
Christmas
00:18:01
from now on our troubles will be miles
00:18:09
[Music]
00:18:14
away here we are as in olden
00:18:18
[Music]
00:18:20
days happy Golden Days of
00:18:27
your Faithful Friends who are dear to
00:18:33
us gather near to
00:18:41
us through the here's a
00:18:45
present wait my hold down long time no
00:18:49
se Santa the F alive [ __ ] everyone get
00:18:53
out of here he's free
00:18:55
you're hang a shining
00:18:59
star upon the highest
00:19:04
[Music]
00:19:07
fire and Have
00:19:12
Yourself a Merry Little
00:19:17
[Music]
00:19:23
Christmas I guess there really is an
00:19:25
afterlife for a demon figured they would
00:19:26
have covered that in Bible studies but I
00:19:28
guess oh my God I mean Lord um hey looks
00:19:32
like you put on some weight beel you're
00:19:33
awake oh did you die too no bezel Santa
00:19:36
saved us look kid the Lord comes in many
00:19:38
shapes and sizes and this time he's a
00:19:40
little out of shape ho I appreciate the
00:19:42
humor bezel but I am in fact Santa Claus
00:19:45
wait weren't you stuck in that machine I
00:19:47
was but thanks to your carolling I was
00:19:49
able to raise enough Christmas spirit to
00:19:50
break out wow that sounds like a plot
00:19:52
line in a terrible homework movie
00:19:54
present is for Timmy thank you Merry
00:19:56
Christmas Timmy
00:19:58
so we didn't burn to death by hot
00:20:00
chocolate well surprisingly not by the
00:20:02
time I found you I thought it was too
00:20:04
late luckily something cooled it down
00:20:06
just enough for you to survive it's an
00:20:07
ice cube tra with 24 pre-made ice
00:20:13
cubes
00:20:14
what all right fine thanks for buying
00:20:16
the ice cubes you're not welcome you
00:20:18
three have saved Christmas if there is
00:20:20
anything you need just ask actually
00:20:23
Santa I need you to help me rescue my
00:20:27
friend open up Elijah it's almost
00:20:30
Christmas you know what that means dead
00:20:32
on the spot let's cut him up boss not
00:20:34
yet he needs to see it happen come on
00:20:37
out
00:20:38
Elijah where are
00:20:42
you go look for him I think the Dork ran
00:20:46
away give Snoopy back well well look who
00:20:49
decided to show
00:20:51
up what are you wearing it's a
00:20:54
specialized elf uniform made by yours
00:20:57
truly who the hell are you I think
00:20:59
that's a homeless guy boss he's Santa
00:21:01
Claus now give back Snoopy well even if
00:21:04
he was Santa Claus I told you to bring
00:21:06
him before Christmas what time is it
00:21:08
Mike it's 12:30 Christmas Day cut him up
00:21:12
with
00:21:13
pleasure wait Snoopy
00:21:16
no what the hell Sid Newman Michael Hawk
00:21:20
Ben Dover your names have consistently
00:21:22
appeared on my naughty list for the
00:21:24
terror you bring to this orphanage
00:21:26
that's why I'll be giving you a present
00:21:27
you could have gotten a long time ago
00:21:29
but what are you giving us ho ho ho an
00:21:33
ass whooping
00:21:36
wait Snoopy oh I missed you so much you
00:21:39
must have been so scared you know you
00:21:41
can't keep a gangster down I'll never
00:21:42
let you go again
00:21:44
Snoopy ow ow ow let go let go getting
00:21:47
along with the reindeer bezel I'm trying
00:21:49
to but this one seems a little rude
00:21:52
oh
00:21:55
Rudolph yeah I forgot about that thanks
00:21:57
for the ride Santa oh it was the least I
00:21:59
could do and py you know I could use
00:22:01
another right-hand man I appreciate the
00:22:03
offer but I've already found my calling
00:22:05
well it was worth a shot farewell you
00:22:06
three and have a Merry
00:22:13
Christmas oh jolly it's Christmas Day
00:22:15
wake up beel we got to go let's go see
00:22:18
what Santa left us come on beel wow look
00:22:22
at all of those presents where the hell
00:22:25
did you put all that up look bezel
00:22:27
there's some with our names on it Santa
00:22:29
gave me a Christmas present oh I wonder
00:22:31
what's
00:22:32
inside diesel It's a token of my
00:22:35
appreciation here's a little piece of
00:22:37
evidence you may find interesting much
00:22:38
love from me and my friend Nixon wait is
00:22:41
this Santa Claus giving Photoshop to
00:22:44
Richard Nixon so the moon landing isn't
00:22:47
real couldn't that just be a fake
00:22:48
picture trust me kid it would be harder
00:22:50
to fake this photo than it would be to
00:22:52
fake the moon landing anyways what' you
00:22:53
get I don't know let's
00:22:55
see Merry Christmas Elijah you're
00:22:58
adopted well that's not very Christmasy
00:23:00
did you read that Snoopy we're adopted
00:23:03
Elijah could you follow me outside
00:23:04
there's someone who'd really like to
00:23:05
meet
00:23:07
you hey Elijah pety pety I'm getting
00:23:11
adopted yeah I know did Santa tell you
00:23:14
no Elijah I'm the one adopting you oh
00:23:15
wow they don't have a height requirement
00:23:17
are you serious I am thank you so much
00:23:20
come on kid now what do you know about
00:23:22
selling cars I sold a toy to a roommate
00:23:24
once nice how much interest well I guess
00:23:26
that's a wrap on this Christmas
00:23:28
get a a
00:23:33
wrap I hate this all
00:23:53
day
