Changing the game in youth sports: John O'Sullivan at TEDxBend

00:14:01
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXw0XGOVQvw

摘要

TLDRThe speaker highlights the alarming dropout rates in youth sports, explaining how an overwhelming 70% of children in the U.S. cease participating by age 13. The problem is attributed to adult pressures that treat youth sports as highly competitive environments rather than fun activities. Through anecdotes, he illustrates the contrast between joyful play and the harsh criticism often encountered during games. The speaker advocates for a mindset shift, urging parents to express their love by saying 'I love watching you play' to foster a more positive experience for young athletes. His ultimate message is to change the focus from competition to enjoyment, ensuring that youth sports are fulfilling for children.

心得

  • ⚽️ 70% of kids quit sports by age 13.
  • 📉 Pressure from adults is the main reason kids drop out.
  • 🎉 Fun is the primary reason kids play sports.
  • 💬 Parents should say 'I love watching you play'.
  • 🧠 Positive mindset affects performance in sports.
  • 🔄 Transition from competition-focused approach to enjoyment-based.
  • 🏆 Emphasis on winning can harm children's experience.
  • 🎤 Personal stories highlight the importance of enjoyment.
  • 👨‍👧 Sports should be a source of joy, not stress.
  • ✨ Change the game for our children by prioritizing their enjoyment.

时间轴

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker discusses the alarming dropout rates in youth sports, particularly in the United States where 70% of children quit by age 13. Drawing from personal experience, the speaker realizes that the negative environment created by over-competitive adults leads to fun losing its essential place in sports. A comparison of a joyful 5-year-old soccer game and an overly intense 10-year-old boys game highlights how pressure from parents and coaches can deter kids from enjoying sports.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:14:01

    The speaker emphasizes the need to shift the focus back to children's enjoyment in sports and proposes education as a solution. They introduce the philosophy of promoting positive mindsets in young athletes, centering on the idea of accepting their goals and providing emotional support. The speaker shares anecdotes about the transformative impact of expressing affection for children's participation in sports rather than focusing on performance, aiming to foster a love for playing rather than an obsession with winning.

思维导图

视频问答

  • Why do so many kids drop out of youth sports?

    Most kids drop out due to the pressure, criticism, and emphasis on winning from adults.

  • What is the main reason children participate in sports?

    The number one reason children play sports is because it's fun, not for the sake of winning.

  • What can parents do to support their children in sports?

    Parents should focus on enjoying watching their kids play and avoid criticism related to performance.

  • How can the approach to youth sports be changed?

    By prioritizing children's needs and making sports a fun experience rather than a competitive pressure.

  • What does the speaker suggest instead of participation awards?

    The speaker does not believe in participation awards but emphasizes that enjoyment and positive reinforcement are key.

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  • 00:00:11
    thank
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    you thank you thank
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    you every year in the United States
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    about 40 million Children Play Youth
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    Sports yet 70% of those kids drop out
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    and quit by the time they're 13 years
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    old three out of four four children are
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    done with sports before high school now
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    as a person who's been involved in
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    athletics his whole life as a college
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    and a professional soccer player and a
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    coach for the last 20 years I wanted to
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    know why was this happening why do so
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    many kids quit something that has made
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    such a positive impact on my life and
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    then about three years ago I realized
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    the answer to that question standing on
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    the sideline of my 5-year-old daughter
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    Maggie soccer
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    game now if you've ever seen 5-year-old
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    soccer it's amazing this this giant
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    scrum of
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    players and it moves up and down the
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    field and there's lots of giggling and
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    laughing sometimes a player breaks out
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    and scores in the right goal sometimes
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    she kicks it in the wrong
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    goal twice the chance of
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    success but it doesn't matter right
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    she's happy parents are positive
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    everyone's
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    supportive coaches are positive there's
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    no referee to yell at this is what
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    sports supposed to be well on this
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    particular day there was a 10-year-old
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    boy game right next door and it should
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    be just the same right but it was
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    completely different it was a
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    competitive 10-year-old boys game and I
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    say competitive in quotes because it
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    wasn't the kids who were competing
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    harder it was the
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    adults a kid makes a bad pass ball gets
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    stolen and the other team scores and
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    then all hell breaks
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    loose the coach jumps off his bench he
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    screams at the kid and yank him out of
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    the game next his dad is on the other
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    sideline screaming at him
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    his his uh parent his friends parents
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    they're screaming at
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    him and as I'm watching this I'm saying
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    to myself wow this is exactly why
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    children drop out of
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    sports because Sports is supposed to be
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    about children playing and children
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    having fun and learning and none of that
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    is happening here now I want to just
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    invite you for a moment to get into the
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    mindset of a 10-year-old boy or any
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    young athlete today cuz it's very very
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    different than when I was growing up you
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    go to a game and you're just going to
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    play a game but yet so many of the
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    adults they're acting like it's the
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    World
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    Series they're acting like it's the NBA
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    finals and you're just there to play a
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    game there's coaches and parents
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    screaming at you from the sidelines
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    sometimes they're screaming at you
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    sometimes they're screaming at the
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    referee sometimes they're screaming at
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    each
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    other now you get in the car after the
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    game and you just want to relax and
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    emotionally unwind and yet this is the
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    time when so many parents choose to
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    deconstruct your game and criticize and
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    critique your
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    performance now you sit around your
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    kitchen table and you hear your parents
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    talking about the time and the financial
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    commitment that it takes to play you
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    Sports maybe you'll get a scholarship
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    down the line to help pay for all this
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    and that just adds pressure and stress
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    and then finally at the end of the year
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    the end of the season when you're ready
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    to move on to another sport what happens
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    your coach sits you down and says uh-uh
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    you can't do that you're not moving on
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    because if you're going to stay on this
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    team you need to play year round and if
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    you don't I'm going to give you a spot
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    away this is what so many children feel
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    these days this type of
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    pressure and that's why seven out of 10
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    of them quit Youth
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    Sports seven out of 10 are done now I
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    call this the the great giant race to
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    Nowhere in US Sports and it's a race
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    because so many kids and so many parents
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    were in such a hurry to do more more
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    more at younger and younger ages and I
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    say it ends nowhere because while we
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    tend to focus on the few athletes who
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    get a scholarship or turn
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    pro the vast majority end up somewhere
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    else they end up hating Sports they end
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    up with damaged relationships with their
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    parents and for some kids they end up
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    with physical and emotional scars that
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    last a
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    lifetime we have to end this great race
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    to Nowhere we have to change the game in
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    Youth Sports we have to give it back to
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    our
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    kids and today I want to tell you how we
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    can do that now some people say to me oh
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    John are you the anti-competitive guy
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    trophies for everyone no keeping score
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    no standings not not at all that that is
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    not me I don't believe in participation
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    Awards I don't think every kid who shows
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    up should get a trophy just for doing
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    the bare
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    minimum and as far as being competitive
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    I spent the last 20 years coaching Elite
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    youth soccer players I spent four of
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    those years as a division one College
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    men's soccer coach so I know a little
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    something about competitive
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    athletes and what I saw on that
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    10-year-old boys game and what I see in
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    so many sports all around the country
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    that is not it these kids aren't
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    becoming more competitive they're not
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    becoming better they're becoming bitter
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    and they're dropping out of sports seven
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    out of 10 of them now what we've come to
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    accept is this new environment in Youth
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    Sports would never be acceptable
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    anywhere else in life we'd never accept
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    it in our workplace we'd never tolerate
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    if our teachers treated our kids like
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    this and we would certainly never
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    tolerate it if our children treated us
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    in our events like we treat
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    them can you imagine what they would
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    feel like in your golf game or your
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    tennis match if our children treated us
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    well our friends at Hockey Canada
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    they've imagined such a thing check it
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    out come on dad Focus wind your stance a
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    little don't
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    slow and don't screw up this is the big
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    Le what are you doing keep her on the
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    ball
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    that was
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    pathetic how Sor doesn't cut
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    [Applause]
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    [Music]
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    it does anyone need that kind of help in
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    their golf
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    game no awesome so if we're going to
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    change you Sports in this country the
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    first thing we have to remember is why
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    children play now Michigan State
  • 00:06:57
    University did a huge study on this
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    about 30,000 thousand kids and they ask
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    them why do you play and the number one
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    reason why children play sports is
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    because it's
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    fun they like to learn they like to be
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    with their friends they enjoy the
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    excitement but they don't play because
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    of winning they like to win they value
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    winning but it's not why they show up it
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    doesn't even make the top 10 on why they
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    play now by the same token why did
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    children quit Sports children quit
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    because they're sick and tired of being
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    criticized and yelled at
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    they quit because they're afraid to make
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    mistakes and they quit because of an
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    emphasis on winning which leads to a
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    lack of playing time for so many kids
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    and for others it leads to all-star
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    teams and thus cuts at seven eight n
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    years old where we tell kids you're not
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    even good enough to
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    play now we can change the game in the
  • 00:07:50
    United States by education now what we
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    do at my organization called the Chang
  • 00:07:55
    in the game project is we travel to
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    schools and we travel to use Sports
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    organizations what we teach people is
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    that the single greatest factor that
  • 00:08:02
    affects performance is state of mind and
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    we give people the tools to instill what
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    we call a positive High performing
  • 00:08:10
    mindset in our athletes we teach them
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    things like accepting your kids' goals
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    and giving them ownership of their
  • 00:08:16
    experience we teach them how to praise
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    your kids so it's helpful and not
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    harmful and we teach them to just let
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    your kids fail and learn from failure
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    and that actually in the real world the
  • 00:08:30
    most successful people are the people
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    who are willing to fail the most but the
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    single most fundamental thing that we
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    teach and what I want to teach you today
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    is something I learned about 10 years
  • 00:08:41
    ago from a man who's become a great
  • 00:08:43
    friend and Mentor his name is coach
  • 00:08:45
    Bruce Brown and it's just five simple
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    words I love watching you
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    play I love watching you play changes
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    everything for your kids because because
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    what it tells them is that your love for
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    them does not depend on whether they win
  • 00:09:02
    or lose or how they perform now I know
  • 00:09:05
    this might seem very simple but it's
  • 00:09:07
    incredibly incredibly powerful I want to
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    tell you the story of Peter Smith
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    Peter's a former professional tennis
  • 00:09:14
    player he's the men's coach at USC and
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    he's won four national championships in
  • 00:09:19
    over 500 matches and Peter when we cross
  • 00:09:23
    paths he came to me and he said he was
  • 00:09:25
    struggling because he's got three boys
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    of his own all competitive tennis
  • 00:09:29
    players
  • 00:09:30
    and he was struggling being their coach
  • 00:09:31
    and their
  • 00:09:32
    dad and what he said was what was
  • 00:09:35
    happening on the court was affecting the
  • 00:09:37
    whole family off the court when Peter
  • 00:09:39
    learned to just let go when he learned
  • 00:09:41
    to just love watching his kids play he
  • 00:09:42
    said everything changed his children
  • 00:09:45
    played Harder They played better and
  • 00:09:47
    when tennis was over they stepped off
  • 00:09:48
    the court and the whole family life got
  • 00:09:51
    better he says it has changed his family
  • 00:09:53
    so much that sometimes his kids still
  • 00:09:56
    look at him with a look that says you
  • 00:09:57
    know who are you and what did you do
  • 00:09:58
    with my dad
  • 00:10:03
    I want to also tell you the story of my
  • 00:10:04
    friend Stephanie Emerson Stephanie is
  • 00:10:06
    the mom of four boys uh four athletes
  • 00:10:09
    three of them are boys one of her sons
  • 00:10:11
    actually made the US youth national team
  • 00:10:12
    in soccer and Stephanie and I were were
  • 00:10:16
    talking when I was writing my book
  • 00:10:17
    because she the whole race to Nowhere
  • 00:10:19
    was just killing her in new sports the
  • 00:10:20
    pressure the time the commitments she
  • 00:10:22
    said John please give me your single
  • 00:10:25
    best piece of advice and I told
  • 00:10:27
    Stephanie you know what Steph just just
  • 00:10:29
    tell your kids you love watching them
  • 00:10:31
    play so she looks at me kind of funny
  • 00:10:33
    and she takes a step back she's like
  • 00:10:34
    really that's the best you
  • 00:10:37
    got it's like John I'm sorry you're my
  • 00:10:39
    friend but you're not going to sell any
  • 00:10:40
    books with that
  • 00:10:42
    stuff so fast forward a Year Stephanie
  • 00:10:46
    sent me a letter and I want to read it
  • 00:10:47
    to you
  • 00:10:48
    today it says John a year ago you told
  • 00:10:51
    me to Simply love watching my kids play
  • 00:10:53
    and now it's the only thing I say to the
  • 00:10:55
    kids I don't say anything about how they
  • 00:10:57
    played or wins and losses just that such
  • 00:10:59
    a privilege and honor to watch them and
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    it's amazing how each time I say it it
  • 00:11:04
    becomes more true and more impactful for
  • 00:11:07
    even me it has opened my eyes to a whole
  • 00:11:11
    other kind of joy and
  • 00:11:14
    contentment Stephanie simply by learning
  • 00:11:16
    to love watching her kids play changed
  • 00:11:18
    everything Peter Smith changed
  • 00:11:21
    everything in his family and you guys
  • 00:11:23
    can too now I'm not saying it's going to
  • 00:11:25
    be easy I'm not saying it's a onetime
  • 00:11:27
    thing and I'm not saying that you won't
  • 00:11:29
    slip up everyone slips up I slip up one
  • 00:11:32
    of the things that kids say is one of
  • 00:11:34
    their worst memories in you Sports is
  • 00:11:35
    the ride home after games because his
  • 00:11:37
    parents give him a hard time well when
  • 00:11:40
    my son TJ started playing soccer I was
  • 00:11:43
    his first coach and he shows up the
  • 00:11:45
    first game and he steps on the field
  • 00:11:46
    goes dad I don't want to play today and
  • 00:11:47
    he walks
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    off I was okay with that but when he did
  • 00:11:54
    it the next week now I was a little bit
  • 00:11:56
    upset now I was wondering hm this isn't
  • 00:11:59
    so good I was embarrassed I'm wondering
  • 00:12:00
    what these parents are thinking of me
  • 00:12:02
    I'm supposed to be this All-Star coach
  • 00:12:04
    and I can't even get my own kid to
  • 00:12:05
    play so we get in the car after the game
  • 00:12:09
    and I'm buckling my myself in my son's
  • 00:12:12
    in the back and I turn around I'm like
  • 00:12:13
    so TJ and all of a sudden Wham karate
  • 00:12:16
    chop for my wife sitting next to me in
  • 00:12:18
    the front
  • 00:12:21
    seat and she looks at me she says really
  • 00:12:24
    didn't you just write a whole book about
  • 00:12:26
    this
  • 00:12:28
    [Applause]
  • 00:12:30
    can you please just drive us
  • 00:12:34
    home and I said nothing and he's played
  • 00:12:37
    ever since so it makes a huge difference
  • 00:12:40
    so I want to finish with
  • 00:12:42
    this I told you about my daughter Maggie
  • 00:12:44
    soccer team this is them this picture
  • 00:12:47
    was taken three years ago they're called
  • 00:12:48
    the
  • 00:12:52
    unicorns my daughter Maggie is the third
  • 00:12:54
    one from the
  • 00:12:55
    left now when I see this picture and I
  • 00:12:59
    see the Joy on these kids' faces and I
  • 00:13:02
    know the powerful impact that Sports can
  • 00:13:04
    have on their lives not only making them
  • 00:13:06
    better athletes but better
  • 00:13:09
    people then I know it is time to end
  • 00:13:12
    this crazy race to Nowhere it's time to
  • 00:13:14
    change the game and give Youth Sports
  • 00:13:16
    back to our kids by fulfilling their
  • 00:13:18
    needs and their priorities not ours and
  • 00:13:21
    every single one of us can do our
  • 00:13:24
    part simply by starting with five simple
  • 00:13:27
    words I love watching you play and I
  • 00:13:31
    believe that that's not only an idea
  • 00:13:33
    worth spreading but that's an idea whose
  • 00:13:36
    time has definitely come thank you
  • 00:13:39
    [Music]
标签
  • youth sports
  • dropout rates
  • pressure
  • fun
  • coaching
  • parenting
  • competition
  • children
  • enjoyment
  • mindset