Unveiling Infant Development Myths

00:54:25
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0VsTnhTR3k

摘要

TLDRThis presentation discusses the crucial role of the infant stage in child development, focusing on the biological and safety needs of infants aged 0-2. It highlights theories from Maslow, Erikson, and Bowlby, illustrating how early experiences shape schemas and influence later mental health. The speaker encourages parents to adopt mindful parenting strategies, recognize their infants' cues, and maintain consistent and nurturing environments to foster secure attachment and emotional well-being. The importance of addressing postpartum depression and its impact on parenting is also emphasized, along with practical resources for parents to understand their infants better.

心得

  • 👶 Understanding infant development is crucial for later mental health.
  • 🔑Meeting biological needs ensures healthy emotional growth.
  • 😌 Secure attachment fosters trust in the caregiver.
  • 🧠 Infants develop schemas to interpret their experiences.
  • 🤱 Mindful parenting involves recognizing and responding to cues.
  • ⚖️ Consistency in caregiving promotes security and self-efficacy.
  • 🌿 Caregivers' mental health affects infant development.
  • 🔄 Routines help infants develop trust and predictability.
  • 📚 Resources can aid parents in understanding infant cues.
  • 🙋‍♀️ The infant stage is foundational for future relationships.

时间轴

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    Introduction to the webinar series on child development, focusing on the significance of understanding the infant stage for clinicians who predominantly work with older children and adults. Discussion highlights how early experiences shape schemas that can impact adult behavior.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Exploration of Maslow's hierarchy of needs in the context of infants, emphasizing the importance of biological and safety needs as foundational for trust development.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    Overview of Erikson's psychosocial development, where the infant stage is characterized by the challenge of trust versus mistrust, impacting later relationships and self-trust.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Introduction to attachment theory and its relevance for infants, discussing how secure and insecure attachments affect cognitive and emotional development.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Understanding how unmet needs in infancy can lead to maladaptive schemas and mental health issues in adulthood; the role of caregivers in meeting these needs is emphasized.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Discussion on infants' cognitive capabilities and how they process experiences through schemas, leading to either trust or mistrust based on caregiver response.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Highlighting the role of healthy attachment and consistent caregiver response in shaping infant behavior, with emphasis on the long-term psychological implications.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    Description of parenting styles and their impact on infants' emotional responses; the differentiation between secure and insecure attachment outcomes is discussed.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    Insight into mindful parenting practices that support emotional regulation and consistency, promoting a secure environment for infants.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:54:25

    Closing thoughts addressed the need for clinicians to support parents in understanding infant needs and fostering secure attachment, with resources for further reading and learning.

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思维导图

视频问答

  • Why is understanding infant development important for clinicians working with older children?

    Understanding infant development helps clinicians address unhelpful schemas formed in infancy that affect adults' mental health and relationships.

  • What are the key developmental tasks for infants?

    Key developmental tasks include meeting biological and safety needs, forming trust versus mistrust, and developing secure attachments.

  • How do caregiver behaviors impact infant development?

    Consistent and responsive caregiving fosters trust and attachment, while neglect or stress can lead to insecurity and mental health issues.

  • What role do schemas play in an infant's cognitive development?

    Schemas help infants categorize experiences, influencing how they interpret their needs and emotions as they grow.

  • How can parents be encouraged to identify their child's needs?

    Parents should be mindful of their child's cues and learn to respond appropriately to prevent distress.

  • What is the importance of attachment in infant development?

    Secure attachment leads to trust and well-being, while insecure attachment can cause anxiety and maladaptive behaviors.

  • What strategies can help parents support their infants?

    Parents can utilize routines, validate their child's feelings, and maintain consistent responses to develop a secure attachment.

  • What is postpartum depression, and how does it affect parenting?

    Postpartum depression can hinder a caregiver's ability to meet an infant's needs effectively, leading to attachment issues.

  • How do infant's biological needs influence their emotional development?

    Biological needs, such as hunger and comfort, must be met for infants to develop trust and a healthy emotional foundation.

  • What resources can parents use to better understand infant cries?

    Various websites and guides can help parents interpret different infant cries and respond to their needs appropriately.

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  • 00:00:02
    [Music]
  • 00:00:10
    this episode was pre-recorded as part of
  • 00:00:13
    a live continuing education webinar on
  • 00:00:15
    demand CEUs are still available for this
  • 00:00:17
    presentation through all CEUs register
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    at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox
  • 00:00:36
    okay we're going to go ahead and get
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    started
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    I'd like to welcome everybody to today's
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    presentation on child development 101
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    the infant stage now you may be
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    wondering you know most of us are
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    clinicians who work with adolescents
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    adults maybe some of y'all also work
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    with children but why are we talking
  • 00:00:55
    about the infant stage well for a couple
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    of reasons if you've been to any of the
  • 00:01:00
    other classes leading up to this we've
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    talked a lot about how some of the
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    schemas that are unhelpful to people in
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    adulthood are often formed when they are
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    much much younger in the resolution of
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    some of their developmental crises so
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    we're going to kind of talk about that
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    and how we can a help parents help
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    children successfully resolve these
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    crises but also you know if you're
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    dealing with an adult who developed an
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    unhelpful schema back then that is well
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    it probably was helpful back then but
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    it's unhelpful now we can work on
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    helping the adult figure out how to
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    address that schema and figure out kind
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    of where it's coming from and how to fix
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    it the other reason is because a lot of
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    us do deal with people who have small
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    children at home infants toddlers middle
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    schoolers and they're struggling with
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    okay you know back in my day we used to
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    handle things this way now I hear we're
  • 00:02:02
    supposed to handle things this way my
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    child is acting like this I don't know
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    what to do so we want to help parents be
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    able to feel empowered to provide the
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    best
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    growth experience if you will for their
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    children as possible so which starts
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    with the infant stage in this
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    presentation we're going to explore the
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    developmental tasks and needs of the
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    infant stage and this is broad 0 to 2
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    years old and obviously we don't
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    generally talk about an 18-month old as
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    an infant but when we're talking about
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    cognitive development and some other
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    things they they're still in that sort
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    of same range so we're gonna kind of
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    lump them all together today we're gonna
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    look at Maslow's theory the biological
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    and safety needs I refer to Maslow's
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    pyramid a lot now little kids are not so
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    much worried about self-esteem and self
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    actualization an infant is worried about
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    whether it's cold whether it's hot
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    whether it's hungry
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    whether it's belly hurts whether it's
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    getting its biological and safety needs
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    met those lower two levels on the Maslow
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    pyramid Erikson proposed our levels of
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    psychosocial development which for
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    infants is trust versus mistrust and
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    Belle should be going off in your head
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    right now that a lot of the things that
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    we work with our clients on have to do
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    with them either not trusting other
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    people or not trusting themselves they
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    never learned to understand identify and
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    interpret their own internal signals or
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    maybe they did and they figured out that
  • 00:03:41
    that wasn't safe back then or at another
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    time
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    so they've quit listening to their
  • 00:03:47
    internal I call them spidey senses but
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    say you know that's probably not the
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    best idea then we'll talk a little bit
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    more about Bowlby the only time we're
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    really going to talk about Bowlby in
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    this series is with infants because a
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    lot of what we're talking about with
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    infants is attachment and are they
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    securely attached and securely attached
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    or avoidant and we'll move on to Piaget
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    for cognition and schema formation now
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    you may think of these as four separate
  • 00:04:16
    theories but they really kind of all
  • 00:04:18
    lump in together because the child the
  • 00:04:21
    infant has biological and safety needs
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    that if they don't get met lead to
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    feelings of
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    mistrust and if they do lead to feelings
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    of trust and this feeling of trust of
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    other people that their caregiver is
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    going to be there allows them to start
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    learning how to form attachments with
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    other people all of this input is
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    categorized into schemas and you know
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    yes infants have schemas they may not be
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    able to articulate them because they're
  • 00:04:48
    not verbally yet but you take an infant
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    into a certain situation that has had a
  • 00:04:53
    negative consequence before and you can
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    see a definite reaction where the kids
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    going I remember this this was not cool
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    the last time and you can feel their
  • 00:05:04
    anxiety going on so all of those really
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    overlap and we need to consider not only
  • 00:05:11
    what does the child need what does the
  • 00:05:14
    child need to learn psycho socially but
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    in what way do we need to present it so
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    cognitively they can understand it in a
  • 00:05:23
    way that's meaningful to them then we're
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    going to discuss how failure to get
  • 00:05:27
    these needs met can result in later
  • 00:05:29
    mental health issues discuss how failure
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    to resolve trust versus mistrust crisis
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    may cause later mental health issues ie
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    future patients and discuss how infants
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    primitive cognitive abilities develop
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    dysfunctional schemas for later in life
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    when they're little they're thinking
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    all-or-nothing and that works when
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    you're an infant you know you're either
  • 00:05:50
    cold or you're not you're not looking at
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    the gray area like well I'm a little
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    uncomfortable but I can tolerate it I
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    don't really think infants think that
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    way and that's fine for a small child
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    once you start getting older and develop
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    the cognitive abilities to look at
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    alternate solutions look at the middle
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    ground look at alternate explanations
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    then it may be time to look at those
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    prior schemas those younger schemas and
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    go hmm maybe I need to adjust those a
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    little bit and Piaget talked about
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    assimilation and accommodation we're not
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    going to go into that today
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    but if you're interested in how schemas
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    change over time you know just Google
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    Piaget and assimilation and
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    accommodation it's actually pretty
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    interesting
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    so fans lo what infants need biological
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    needs when they're hungry they need food
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    now I've worked with a lot of patients
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    and one of the unit's I used to run was
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    a pregnancy and postpartum unit and
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    these women would come in hopefully
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    ideally when they were still pregnant
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    because they were above all they were
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    dealing with some sort of drug addiction
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    issue most of them also had concurrent
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    mental health but anyhow so we get them
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    in there and they have this child and
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    the child cries and they're just like I
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    don't know what to do with it it needs
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    to stop I'm overwhelmed and a lot of
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    times any cries were met with food it
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    was just like pop something in the kids
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    mouth to get it to shut up and so we
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    want to help the child and the parent
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    learn to identify when the child is
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    hungry and provide food when the child
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    is hungry and you know sometimes kids go
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    through a growth spurt and they're
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    hungry all the time I've got a teenager
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    at home right now the child never stops
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    eating but you know that is normal for
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    his age and development and all that
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    other stuff shelter and physical comfort
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    if a child is too hot especially an
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    infant they can't take off their coat
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    they can't put on a coat they can't do
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    something so they start to cry so it's
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    up to us the adult to interpret their
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    cues and we're going to talk in a few
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    minutes about how to do that they need
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    protection from over stimulation if
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    you've been around infants you know that
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    at a certain point I mean everything is
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    new imagine going somewhere for the
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    first time maybe you've never been
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    overseas and you get out and you're
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    walking through you know downtown London
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    and you know you're just you're looking
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    at everything and taking in everything
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    and it's is exhausting by the end of the
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    day because there was just so much to
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    see and learn well infants that's how
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    every day is even just around your house
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    you know it looks different to them so
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    if they can easily get overstimulated
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    which can cause their bellies to get
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    upset it can make it hard for them to
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    sleep so what do they do
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    they're over stimulated a lot of times
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    they'll either go to sleep or they'll
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    start to cry which takes us to sleep
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    when sleepy we need to make sure we help
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    them learn okay when you start feeling
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    this way it's time to go to bed as
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    children start to learn their own cues
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    then when they get older and they can
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    articulate their needs they'll have a
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    better idea of okay you know I start
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    feeling this way you know children pull
  • 00:09:22
    their ears a lot and suck their thumb or
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    do something else when they start to get
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    sleepy most of us see these Universal
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    signals and they're like somebody's
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    ready for a nap and children need
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    contact the lack of contact the lack of
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    bonding can have some issues with for
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    the child in terms of feeling comforted
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    when there's contact between the child
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    and a caregiver not necessarily be
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    primary caregiver but a caregiver
  • 00:09:53
    oxytocin is released they have their
  • 00:09:55
    bonding chemicals kind of going and they
  • 00:09:58
    feel comforted when there isn't isn't
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    that contact when they have to
  • 00:10:03
    self-soothe without that contact it can
  • 00:10:05
    become very challenging for them which
  • 00:10:07
    you know doesn't teach them that contact
  • 00:10:12
    is good that doesn't teach them that
  • 00:10:14
    other people are good and they're gonna
  • 00:10:15
    help you calm down they need safety a
  • 00:10:19
    consistent presence remembering that
  • 00:10:22
    infants don't have object permanence if
  • 00:10:25
    you walk out of their sight in their
  • 00:10:26
    mind you're gone so when they cry if you
  • 00:10:29
    come back they're like okay I got it
  • 00:10:32
    and you walk out again and they cry and
  • 00:10:34
    you come back and it's like they're like
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    okay you're gonna come back
  • 00:10:37
    I got it which is why you know we can
  • 00:10:39
    put babies to bed and when they wake up
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    in the middle of the night or in the
  • 00:10:43
    morning we go in and we pick them up and
  • 00:10:45
    we sue them and there's no big deal but
  • 00:10:48
    imagine that same infant was put into a
  • 00:10:52
    bed and you know mom or dad went out to
  • 00:10:56
    the grocery store for two hours or all
  • 00:10:58
    night or whatever and that child started
  • 00:11:01
    to cry and cried and cried and nobody
  • 00:11:04
    came well the child can't say well mom
  • 00:11:07
    or dad will be back in the
  • 00:11:08
    morning or you know they'll be be here
  • 00:11:11
    eventually in that child's mind you know
  • 00:11:15
    mom or dad left caregiver left and
  • 00:11:18
    remember that for a child that spent
  • 00:11:20
    alive for six months an hour is a really
  • 00:11:24
    long percentage of their their life
  • 00:11:27
    comparative to somebody who's like 45
  • 00:11:30
    you know an hour flies by and a half a
  • 00:11:33
    second they also need comfort from
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    things that startle them loud noises and
  • 00:11:40
    pain children have this basic instinct
  • 00:11:43
    to self protect but they're not aware
  • 00:11:46
    yet of what to protect against so the
  • 00:11:48
    world's can be kind of scary which is
  • 00:11:50
    why you know when something loud
  • 00:11:53
    startles the child and the parent picks
  • 00:11:55
    them up there's contact and the parent
  • 00:11:57
    goes it's okay the child learns okay you
  • 00:12:00
    know that thing was kind of unpleasant
  • 00:12:03
    but it's not the end of the world
  • 00:12:05
    and they start being able to form these
  • 00:12:07
    little piles of really scary unpleasant
  • 00:12:11
    but not so scary and no big deal at all
  • 00:12:13
    like when the dog barks or the vacuum
  • 00:12:16
    cleaner goes Erickson when a child when
  • 00:12:22
    the infant is starting to develop this
  • 00:12:24
    trust or mistrust the child is learning
  • 00:12:26
    to develop a belief that or an
  • 00:12:32
    association with whatever they're
  • 00:12:34
    feeling and getting their needs met they
  • 00:12:36
    can't say I'm hungry or if somebody
  • 00:12:38
    gives them a bottle they can't
  • 00:12:40
    necessarily say I'm not hungry but there
  • 00:12:42
    will be times when the child refuses the
  • 00:12:45
    bottle
  • 00:12:46
    they're crying and you try to give them
  • 00:12:47
    a bottle and they bat it away or they
  • 00:12:49
    throw it down that's kind of them saying
  • 00:12:52
    no that's not what I need right now
  • 00:12:56
    a lot of parents get so frustrated but
  • 00:12:59
    they don't know what the child needs so
  • 00:13:02
    what we want is for the child to learn
  • 00:13:04
    to interpret trust and act on their own
  • 00:13:07
    feelings so we don't try to keep shoving
  • 00:13:09
    that bottle in their mouths we say okay
  • 00:13:10
    you're not hungry what else is going on
  • 00:13:13
    let's check your diaper let's see if
  • 00:13:14
    you're warm enough let go through the
  • 00:13:16
    checklist and as parents we start to
  • 00:13:20
    learn what our children need
  • 00:13:22
    and can generally guess within two or
  • 00:13:25
    three tries what's going on with them we
  • 00:13:29
    want them to believe that others will
  • 00:13:31
    help fulfill their needs this gives them
  • 00:13:33
    hope this gives them a trust in other
  • 00:13:35
    people that you know when I'm
  • 00:13:37
    uncomfortable that caregiver comes and
  • 00:13:41
    you know helps me out here and they may
  • 00:13:45
    not really understand the cause and
  • 00:13:47
    effect but they know when caregiver
  • 00:13:48
    shows up whatever is bothering them
  • 00:13:51
    seems to go away and they feel better
  • 00:13:52
    they start to develop self-reliance
  • 00:13:56
    obviously this is when they're getting a
  • 00:13:58
    little bit older but they start to
  • 00:14:00
    develop the ability to you know knock
  • 00:14:03
    away the bottling that that's not what I
  • 00:14:05
    need or you know crawl up in somebody's
  • 00:14:09
    lap in order to get comfort or grab a
  • 00:14:12
    blanket and cover themself up with it
  • 00:14:15
    they start to be comfortable with
  • 00:14:17
    attention because they're used to it and
  • 00:14:19
    they know that generally you know we're
  • 00:14:21
    hoping that it's always positive
  • 00:14:23
    you know appropriate attention but
  • 00:14:26
    attention is comforting and when they
  • 00:14:29
    get attention they it may be somebody
  • 00:14:32
    playing with them which is happy it may
  • 00:14:35
    be somebody holding them or rocking them
  • 00:14:37
    to sleep which is comforting so any kind
  • 00:14:41
    of attention right now is positive they
  • 00:14:44
    also develop this ability to be alone
  • 00:14:46
    like I said you know we may not get to
  • 00:14:49
    the crib within 15 seconds of when the
  • 00:14:52
    infant starts to cry most of us you know
  • 00:14:55
    just don't and sometimes it's not really
  • 00:14:58
    what you need to do you know sometimes
  • 00:15:00
    you need to finish getting out of the
  • 00:15:02
    shower first you speed it up but you
  • 00:15:06
    don't necessarily just jump out dripping
  • 00:15:09
    wet and run into their room and it's
  • 00:15:10
    okay
  • 00:15:11
    giving them the ability to learn that
  • 00:15:15
    mommy or daddy will show up but in time
  • 00:15:18
    that is reasonable to that child like I
  • 00:15:22
    said before to an infant an hour is a
  • 00:15:24
    really long time when we start talking
  • 00:15:27
    about toddlers and we talked about
  • 00:15:28
    timeout generally timeout is the same
  • 00:15:31
    proportion level at in minutes as
  • 00:15:36
    years of age so if they're three years
  • 00:15:39
    old timeout is three minutes if they're
  • 00:15:41
    two years old timeout is two minutes two
  • 00:15:43
    minutes timeout is really a long time
  • 00:15:46
    for a two-year-old so putting that into
  • 00:15:49
    perspective for an infant you know how
  • 00:15:52
    long do we let them cry before we
  • 00:15:54
    reassure them before we provide some
  • 00:15:57
    sort of comfort and I know there are
  • 00:15:59
    certain issues when we come into trying
  • 00:16:03
    to help the infant learn to sleep at
  • 00:16:04
    night and how long do you let them cry
  • 00:16:06
    and you know ideally you've developed a
  • 00:16:09
    good solid level of trust with the
  • 00:16:14
    infant before you're trying to get them
  • 00:16:17
    to go to sleep alone by themselves all
  • 00:16:19
    night long so it's a matter of judging
  • 00:16:23
    it based on the individual infant's
  • 00:16:25
    needs and and trying to help them learn
  • 00:16:29
    how to be self-reliant and
  • 00:16:31
    self-sufficient but also be reassured
  • 00:16:33
    that you're going to be there if they
  • 00:16:36
    don't meet this trust mistrust then they
  • 00:16:39
    develop mistrust of their own instincts
  • 00:16:42
    urges and feelings they think you know
  • 00:16:45
    well I'm safe I'm with my caregiver but
  • 00:16:48
    maybe not because you know I remember
  • 00:16:50
    that one time that she didn't show up
  • 00:16:52
    for hours they really develop a reliance
  • 00:16:57
    on others to tell them what they need
  • 00:16:58
    because the infant has so many times you
  • 00:17:02
    know maybe wanted to go to sleep or
  • 00:17:04
    wanted to be held and instead they got a
  • 00:17:05
    bottle or they got you know changed it's
  • 00:17:09
    something that didn't meet their needs
  • 00:17:11
    they start going okay well maybe that is
  • 00:17:14
    what I needed cuz I'm not getting these
  • 00:17:17
    other needs met and eventually those
  • 00:17:19
    other needs tend to usually fall to the
  • 00:17:22
    background inability to trust others
  • 00:17:25
    will be supportive if the child needs
  • 00:17:28
    something and the needs are not met then
  • 00:17:31
    it's a scary world discomfort and
  • 00:17:35
    craving of attention at the same time so
  • 00:17:37
    these children if they had any
  • 00:17:40
    experiences at all may have been wrought
  • 00:17:43
    with stress and anxiety and just
  • 00:17:45
    discontent so it wasn't a positive
  • 00:17:47
    experience
  • 00:17:49
    so they couldn't trust that when their
  • 00:17:51
    caregiver picked them up everything was
  • 00:17:53
    going to be okay you know sometimes it
  • 00:17:55
    was really really stressful infants are
  • 00:17:58
    very perceptive children are very
  • 00:18:00
    perceptive so if mom or dad is having a
  • 00:18:04
    difficult time calming down dealing with
  • 00:18:07
    their own stress the child is likely
  • 00:18:10
    going to pick up on this so it may be
  • 00:18:13
    uncomfortable to be held by mom or dad
  • 00:18:15
    or caregiver but at the same time they
  • 00:18:18
    have this natural craving for attention
  • 00:18:20
    which is really confusing they're like I
  • 00:18:22
    really want a good hug but I am really
  • 00:18:25
    afraid of every human being you know
  • 00:18:28
    kind of scary
  • 00:18:30
    which produces irritability and anxiety
  • 00:18:33
    because they don't know how to
  • 00:18:34
    self-soothe most toddlers and middle
  • 00:18:37
    school children have difficulty
  • 00:18:39
    self-soothing of course an infant isn't
  • 00:18:41
    going to know how to self-soothe very
  • 00:18:43
    well most of them rely on on the sucking
  • 00:18:49
    mechanism to help them calm down a
  • 00:18:51
    little bit which is why bottles often
  • 00:18:53
    work even if that's not what the child
  • 00:18:55
    needed but it's also why children will
  • 00:18:58
    like pop in a pacifier or suck on their
  • 00:19:00
    thumb you know even if you're trying to
  • 00:19:01
    get them not to do it they're gonna find
  • 00:19:03
    something to suck on because that is one
  • 00:19:05
    of their self soothing mechanisms at
  • 00:19:08
    that age we're gonna get to the
  • 00:19:11
    solutions in a minute cognitive
  • 00:19:13
    development in this sensorimotor period
  • 00:19:15
    children don't have object permanence
  • 00:19:18
    and they don't have much of a frame of
  • 00:19:20
    reference so they rely on parental
  • 00:19:22
    feedback they go into a new situation
  • 00:19:26
    like I said if thunderclaps
  • 00:19:28
    you know sometimes thunder can be really
  • 00:19:29
    loud and if the parent freaks out then
  • 00:19:33
    the child is gonna go oh okay stress
  • 00:19:36
    alarms system if the chief the parent
  • 00:19:39
    you know kind of throws open the
  • 00:19:41
    curtains and says oh it's a thunderstorm
  • 00:19:42
    I love watching thunderstorms then the
  • 00:19:45
    child is going to get a much different
  • 00:19:47
    vibe if you will they don't understand
  • 00:19:49
    the words but they understand for lack
  • 00:19:52
    of a better term the vibes that are
  • 00:19:54
    being put off by the parent schemas
  • 00:19:57
    formed during this time rely heavily on
  • 00:20:00
    were there needs adequate
  • 00:20:02
    if so they'll feel empowered when I have
  • 00:20:05
    this need a caregiver will meet it or I
  • 00:20:08
    can meet it somehow if the needs weren't
  • 00:20:10
    met then they start to feel powerless
  • 00:20:12
    and dependent because they don't know
  • 00:20:15
    how to self-soothe and it also relies on
  • 00:20:19
    parental reaction so if the parent is
  • 00:20:21
    always freaking out about something then
  • 00:20:24
    the child is going to perceive the world
  • 00:20:27
    as pretty scary and stressful because
  • 00:20:30
    you know mom's always on you know hyper
  • 00:20:34
    alert so it must be a pretty scary place
  • 00:20:37
    if the parents are attentive to the
  • 00:20:41
    child then their schemas around parental
  • 00:20:45
    responsiveness and other people being
  • 00:20:47
    there will be very different than if the
  • 00:20:49
    parent is emotionally or physically
  • 00:20:52
    unavailable for one reason or another
  • 00:20:54
    and consistency with children it is
  • 00:20:59
    really important to be consistent if it
  • 00:21:02
    is you know scary one time and you want
  • 00:21:07
    the child to be conscious of it or
  • 00:21:10
    cognizant of it like cars going down the
  • 00:21:12
    road really fast then you want to
  • 00:21:14
    consistently you know admonish the child
  • 00:21:17
    to be concerned about that but if it's
  • 00:21:21
    something that is not to be worried
  • 00:21:25
    about like at our house when I turn on
  • 00:21:27
    the vacuum cleaner my kids are much
  • 00:21:29
    older now but for the dogs
  • 00:21:31
    whenever I'm getting ready to turn on
  • 00:21:33
    the vacuum cleaner I announced loud
  • 00:21:35
    noise and a lot of that comes from when
  • 00:21:37
    I had children that were very very young
  • 00:21:39
    and that would tell them okay there's
  • 00:21:42
    going to be a loud noise but it's okay
  • 00:21:44
    and then I do my vacuuming but that dogs
  • 00:21:48
    have kind of gotten conditioned that way
  • 00:21:49
    too because now if I don't tell them
  • 00:21:51
    ahead of time they bark and try to eat
  • 00:21:53
    the vacuum cleaner
  • 00:21:54
    Bobi so we take all this and say okay
  • 00:21:58
    how does this affect children's ability
  • 00:22:00
    to form attachments with other people
  • 00:22:02
    because ultimately when we get into
  • 00:22:05
    later life a lot of the things that
  • 00:22:07
    people are presenting for in counseling
  • 00:22:09
    and they're depressed about and they're
  • 00:22:11
    stressed out about have to do with the
  • 00:22:13
    ability to self-soothe their
  • 00:22:15
    self-efficacy
  • 00:22:16
    and their ability to form successful
  • 00:22:20
    attachments with others so securely
  • 00:22:23
    attached infants are easily soothed by
  • 00:22:25
    the attachment figure when upset and the
  • 00:22:28
    caregiver is sensitive to their signals
  • 00:22:29
    and responds appropriately to their
  • 00:22:31
    needs so this is the storybook parent
  • 00:22:33
    knot I don't think there's any parent
  • 00:22:36
    I'm not gonna say none but I don't think
  • 00:22:38
    there are many if there are any that
  • 00:22:41
    respond to a child signals every single
  • 00:22:44
    time and there are a hundred percent
  • 00:22:46
    correct every single time that's the
  • 00:22:48
    nice thing about kids they give us a
  • 00:22:50
    little bit of wiggle room we try to be
  • 00:22:52
    consistent we try to be there for them
  • 00:22:53
    but we don't have to get it right the
  • 00:22:56
    first time every single time for them to
  • 00:22:59
    develop normally
  • 00:23:01
    so that's the ideal situation but in the
  • 00:23:04
    case of parents with anxiety or
  • 00:23:07
    depression they may be so emotionally
  • 00:23:10
    distraught that they can't focus they
  • 00:23:13
    can't interpret what's going on with
  • 00:23:15
    their child also they're putting off all
  • 00:23:18
    of those stress vibes and that anxiety
  • 00:23:20
    and or depressive vibes and the child is
  • 00:23:24
    not able to interpret those it's not
  • 00:23:26
    comforting they know that but they don't
  • 00:23:28
    really know what it is so the child is
  • 00:23:32
    not probably getting their needs met and
  • 00:23:35
    they're not learning to identify their
  • 00:23:37
    own needs because you know they don't
  • 00:23:40
    know what they are if the parent has an
  • 00:23:43
    addiction again we're looking at someone
  • 00:23:46
    who is just doing what they can to
  • 00:23:50
    survive right now which means when
  • 00:23:52
    they're not using and this can be
  • 00:23:55
    behavioral or chemical they are in a lot
  • 00:23:58
    of pain mental emotional physical
  • 00:24:01
    they're in a lot of pain which makes it
  • 00:24:03
    a lot harder to be attentive and eagerly
  • 00:24:07
    responsive to a child's needs especially
  • 00:24:10
    an infant and then there are parents
  • 00:24:13
    with skill deficits there are some
  • 00:24:15
    parents that are not addicts they're not
  • 00:24:18
    particularly depressed or anxious but
  • 00:24:22
    they they're either too young they're
  • 00:24:24
    very very young and they don't know how
  • 00:24:26
    to be a grown-up let alone be a parent
  • 00:24:28
    or they came up from a family where the
  • 00:24:32
    parenting skills left a little bit to be
  • 00:24:35
    desired so they don't know how to be an
  • 00:24:37
    attentive parent an example of this on
  • 00:24:41
    that unit I had several parents that you
  • 00:24:46
    know they gave birth to their children
  • 00:24:47
    and you know it was great and they came
  • 00:24:49
    back to the unit and their idea of how
  • 00:24:55
    you were supposed to deal with an infant
  • 00:24:57
    was to get it up in the morning feed it
  • 00:25:00
    put it in one of the little swings in
  • 00:25:02
    front of the TV and pretty much not
  • 00:25:05
    touch it again until it started to
  • 00:25:07
    scream for something change it feed it
  • 00:25:09
    and put it back there or put it to bed
  • 00:25:12
    there was no interaction for the first
  • 00:25:16
    month after I took over the unit I never
  • 00:25:18
    once saw a parent put a blanket down on
  • 00:25:22
    the floor and try to play with their
  • 00:25:23
    child or interact in any way or hold
  • 00:25:26
    them while they watch TV even if the
  • 00:25:29
    parent was sitting on the sofa watching
  • 00:25:30
    TV the child was still in a swing so we
  • 00:25:34
    want to look at what effect does that
  • 00:25:35
    have on the child and the child's
  • 00:25:37
    ability to bond and communicate needs
  • 00:25:39
    and the parents ability to be in tune
  • 00:25:42
    with the child so it's not that the
  • 00:25:45
    parent was trying to be a bad parent but
  • 00:25:47
    that's what their parent did and their
  • 00:25:51
    parents parent did so they didn't have
  • 00:25:53
    the ability or the skills to know that
  • 00:25:56
    there was something else that might be
  • 00:25:58
    needed so we had lots of discussions
  • 00:26:02
    about why it was important for the child
  • 00:26:05
    to be able to actually get down on the
  • 00:26:06
    floor and play and why it was important
  • 00:26:10
    for the parent to hold the child
  • 00:26:12
    periodically and interact in certain
  • 00:26:17
    ways during this stage of development so
  • 00:26:20
    if these things don't happen then you
  • 00:26:24
    may develop an insecure or avoid an
  • 00:26:26
    infant this child is very independent of
  • 00:26:29
    the attachment figure both physically
  • 00:26:31
    and emotionally
  • 00:26:32
    you know as they start to grow up you'll
  • 00:26:34
    see that they they'll go off and get
  • 00:26:36
    their own drink they will they're pretty
  • 00:26:38
    self-sufficient because they've learned
  • 00:26:39
    that they can't count
  • 00:26:41
    on their caregiver to be responsive so
  • 00:26:45
    if they want something they got to get
  • 00:26:47
    it themselves they often don't seek
  • 00:26:50
    contact with the attachment figure when
  • 00:26:52
    they're distressed because in the past
  • 00:26:54
    if they have they either didn't get
  • 00:26:55
    their needs met or worse yet they were
  • 00:26:58
    punished and the parent was like go away
  • 00:27:00
    I can't deal with you or the child was
  • 00:27:02
    needy the parent couldn't deal with it
  • 00:27:04
    so they took the child put them in a
  • 00:27:06
    crib or in a swing which I kind of
  • 00:27:09
    called baby jail in order to just put
  • 00:27:12
    them somewhere because they couldn't
  • 00:27:13
    deal with it at that point these
  • 00:27:17
    caregivers are insensitive and rejecting
  • 00:27:19
    of the child's needs and are often
  • 00:27:21
    available during times of emotional
  • 00:27:23
    distress now I want to emphasize for the
  • 00:27:26
    most part and you know there's probably
  • 00:27:29
    some exceptions out there again but for
  • 00:27:31
    the most part these parents do not do
  • 00:27:32
    this intentionally to be mean to the
  • 00:27:34
    child they are doing the best they can
  • 00:27:37
    to just survive as they are at that
  • 00:27:40
    point in time whether it's because of
  • 00:27:42
    mental health issues addiction issues or
  • 00:27:45
    just skill deficits and not knowing what
  • 00:27:47
    to do with this little life before them
  • 00:27:50
    they are completely overwhelmed so a lot
  • 00:27:54
    of times they are doing the best they
  • 00:27:57
    can so I don't ever want to come off to
  • 00:28:00
    a parent like I'm saying well you're
  • 00:28:02
    just ignoring the child we want to look
  • 00:28:04
    at why is this important and what can
  • 00:28:07
    you do to help the child and if it feels
  • 00:28:10
    overwhelming let's talk about how we can
  • 00:28:14
    help it feel less overwhelming to you
  • 00:28:15
    because it sounds like you know you're
  • 00:28:18
    struggling right now
  • 00:28:19
    parents with mothers with postpartum
  • 00:28:21
    depression are very I don't know what
  • 00:28:28
    the word is can have this problem
  • 00:28:30
    because the postpartum depression kicks
  • 00:28:32
    in and not only do they have all the
  • 00:28:34
    depression symptoms but then there's the
  • 00:28:36
    guilt that goes along with it because
  • 00:28:38
    they're like you know I had this have
  • 00:28:40
    this little child and I love this little
  • 00:28:41
    child but I don't want anything to do
  • 00:28:43
    with this little child because I'm just
  • 00:28:44
    so overwhelmed and I need to sleep and
  • 00:28:46
    so as clinicians we need to help them
  • 00:28:49
    identify that they're doing the best
  • 00:28:52
    that they can at this point in time
  • 00:28:54
    figure out how to
  • 00:28:55
    mom so she can have the energy and the
  • 00:29:01
    ability to focus and all of the neuro
  • 00:29:03
    chemicals needed to be happy and content
  • 00:29:07
    and attentive to the child insecure and
  • 00:29:12
    ambivalent children exhibit clingy and
  • 00:29:15
    dependent behavior but are rejecting of
  • 00:29:17
    the attachment figure when they engage
  • 00:29:19
    in interaction a lot of times these
  • 00:29:21
    insecure ambivalent children have
  • 00:29:23
    parents that tend to be more anxious and
  • 00:29:26
    so they feel very very anxious all the
  • 00:29:29
    time they cling to the parent they cling
  • 00:29:31
    to the caregiver because they're hoping
  • 00:29:33
    for protection but then when the
  • 00:29:36
    caregiver wants to engage with them the
  • 00:29:38
    caregiver is often so distraught with
  • 00:29:40
    their own stuff that it's it's
  • 00:29:44
    overpowering to the child and the
  • 00:29:45
    child's like no yeah never mind never
  • 00:29:47
    mind I got it the child fails to develop
  • 00:29:51
    any feelings of security from the
  • 00:29:52
    attachment figure because there's so
  • 00:29:53
    much anxiety or the person is so
  • 00:29:56
    unpredictably available as in the case
  • 00:29:59
    of addiction they exhibit difficulty
  • 00:30:02
    moving away from the attachment figure
  • 00:30:04
    to explore novel surroundings the world
  • 00:30:06
    is a really scary place to this child
  • 00:30:08
    because they perceive so much palpable
  • 00:30:11
    anxiety and angst all the time that it
  • 00:30:15
    seems like it's just devastating out
  • 00:30:17
    there if kind of put yourself in the
  • 00:30:20
    infant's position if your caregiver the
  • 00:30:23
    one who is supposed to tell you it's
  • 00:30:24
    okay always seem to feel like the world
  • 00:30:28
    was getting ready to crumble it would be
  • 00:30:31
    pretty scary especially if you didn't
  • 00:30:33
    have the tools to do anything about it
  • 00:30:35
    yourself when distressed they're
  • 00:30:38
    difficult to soothe and are not
  • 00:30:39
    comforted by interaction with the
  • 00:30:41
    attachment figure a lot of times again
  • 00:30:44
    this is because the attachment figure is
  • 00:30:47
    so overwhelmed with their own stuff that
  • 00:30:50
    they're not getting that soothing
  • 00:30:52
    they're not getting the oxytocin release
  • 00:30:54
    they're not getting the soothing calming
  • 00:30:56
    sensation when you hold a child and
  • 00:31:00
    you're stressed the child picks up on it
  • 00:31:02
    if you're stressed the child tends to
  • 00:31:04
    cry louder my son had colic really bad
  • 00:31:07
    when he was little
  • 00:31:09
    and we would take turns when I would
  • 00:31:10
    start to feel myself getting frustrated
  • 00:31:12
    I would hand him off to his father and
  • 00:31:15
    I'd be like your turn
  • 00:31:17
    can't do it anymore and we were able to
  • 00:31:19
    calm him down a lot easier that way than
  • 00:31:21
    if one of us would have just kind of
  • 00:31:23
    tried to push through even when we were
  • 00:31:25
    like oh my gosh it's been three hours
  • 00:31:27
    and this child still hasn't stopped
  • 00:31:29
    crying so it's important to understand
  • 00:31:33
    what impact you're having you the parent
  • 00:31:36
    caregiver are having and what
  • 00:31:38
    alternatives are out there if you can't
  • 00:31:41
    calm yourself down right now what else
  • 00:31:43
    can you do to help that child calm down
  • 00:31:46
    maybe you need to call in a different
  • 00:31:48
    caregiver grandma auntie you know big
  • 00:31:52
    sister somebody to help you out behavior
  • 00:31:56
    results from an inconsistent level of
  • 00:31:58
    response to their needs from the primary
  • 00:32:00
    caregiver again most of the time it's
  • 00:32:03
    not because the caregiver is trying to
  • 00:32:05
    be malicious it's because the caregiver
  • 00:32:07
    is struggling to either be a parent or
  • 00:32:11
    to survive themselves right now so as
  • 00:32:14
    clinicians we can really work with their
  • 00:32:15
    caregiver at this point so mindful
  • 00:32:19
    parenting how do we deal with this be
  • 00:32:21
    attentive to the baby's cries and cues
  • 00:32:23
    before they become hysterical if you
  • 00:32:26
    google primary baby cries depending on
  • 00:32:29
    which site you go to there's five or six
  • 00:32:31
    different cries but you've got to get to
  • 00:32:35
    it before the child becomes hysterical
  • 00:32:37
    the beginnings of the distress sound
  • 00:32:40
    different and you can identify hungry
  • 00:32:43
    just uncomfortable you know a variety of
  • 00:32:47
    things once they get hysterical it
  • 00:32:49
    pretty much sounds the same they are
  • 00:32:50
    unhappy and it needs to stop right now
  • 00:32:55
    except babies needs as they are create a
  • 00:33:00
    validating environment kind of throwing
  • 00:33:01
    ourselves back to Marsha Linehan and DBT
  • 00:33:04
    some infants are more emotional more
  • 00:33:08
    reactive need more soothing than other
  • 00:33:11
    infants so we need to pay attention to
  • 00:33:13
    what is junior need you know Junior
  • 00:33:16
    one of my children was very independent
  • 00:33:21
    you know I could sit there
  • 00:33:23
    and read a book in the same room and he
  • 00:33:25
    would sit there and play and you know
  • 00:33:27
    we'd play together sometimes and then
  • 00:33:29
    he'd kind of go off on his little own
  • 00:33:31
    little world and play and he was
  • 00:33:32
    perfectly happy with that my daughter on
  • 00:33:35
    the other hand required a lot more
  • 00:33:37
    interaction and attention from both her
  • 00:33:40
    father and I so creating an environment
  • 00:33:44
    that's validating to that child
  • 00:33:46
    but being understanding that each child
  • 00:33:48
    is different so just because a child
  • 00:33:51
    doesn't crave constant attention doesn't
  • 00:33:54
    necessarily mean there's anything wrong
  • 00:33:55
    with your relationship be consistent
  • 00:33:59
    when you're parenting the child and this
  • 00:34:01
    goes with what you're allowed to do with
  • 00:34:03
    what you're not allowed to do and
  • 00:34:05
    routines and we're gonna get to that in
  • 00:34:07
    a minute
  • 00:34:08
    um yeah my son well when children go to
  • 00:34:13
    different environments they want to make
  • 00:34:16
    sure that the rules are still the same
  • 00:34:17
    children love structure because then
  • 00:34:19
    they know what they can and can't do and
  • 00:34:21
    when went to my grandmother's house and
  • 00:34:23
    you know he knew he wasn't supposed to
  • 00:34:25
    touch the TV but you know it was
  • 00:34:28
    different he'd never been there before
  • 00:34:29
    so he walks up to the TV he was about 18
  • 00:34:32
    months old and he looks at the TV and he
  • 00:34:34
    goes no touch I said you're right no
  • 00:34:37
    touch looks at me he looks at the TV
  • 00:34:40
    touches it looks at me he says timeout I
  • 00:34:43
    said yep timeout so he walked back into
  • 00:34:47
    the back hallway and kind of sat against
  • 00:34:48
    the wall for a second and you know when
  • 00:34:52
    the two minutes was over I went over and
  • 00:34:53
    talked to him you know it was just fine
  • 00:34:55
    he just wanted to make sure the same
  • 00:34:57
    rules applied and their little
  • 00:34:59
    scientists that way but we need to be
  • 00:35:01
    consistent and let them know that the
  • 00:35:04
    rules still apply and we will still
  • 00:35:07
    enforce them because sometimes kids will
  • 00:35:08
    act out just to get our attention if
  • 00:35:11
    they feel like they need that comfort
  • 00:35:13
    they feel like they need that attention
  • 00:35:15
    sometimes negative attention is better
  • 00:35:17
    than no attention so help the child
  • 00:35:21
    learn how to calm themselves be
  • 00:35:23
    consistent with your rules
  • 00:35:26
    calm yourself a stressed parent produces
  • 00:35:29
    a stress baby a calm parent produces a
  • 00:35:33
    comma bull baby babies aren't going to
  • 00:35:35
    be calm all that
  • 00:35:36
    but if you as the parent have you're
  • 00:35:38
    mindful of where you are and can calm
  • 00:35:41
    yourself down and go okay this is gonna
  • 00:35:44
    be struggle but we can get through it
  • 00:35:46
    the baby will be able to be calmed down
  • 00:35:48
    a lot easier than if you start getting
  • 00:35:50
    all upset because you can't figure out
  • 00:35:52
    what's wrong with the child and you
  • 00:35:53
    really want to make it stop and you
  • 00:35:55
    start getting stressed out and then
  • 00:35:57
    beating yourself up saying I stink as a
  • 00:35:59
    parent and that it you know where these
  • 00:36:01
    thoughts go so encourage parents to try
  • 00:36:07
    to be conscious of where they are stay
  • 00:36:10
    as calm as possible keep a routine to
  • 00:36:13
    help set babies circadian rhythms for
  • 00:36:14
    feeding and sleeping it'll be easier for
  • 00:36:17
    you to know when they're hungry it'll be
  • 00:36:19
    easier to know when they're sleepy so
  • 00:36:21
    you can kind of arrange your schedule
  • 00:36:22
    around them because lucky little them
  • 00:36:25
    they get to sleep all the time but you
  • 00:36:27
    also know what your child needs so you
  • 00:36:30
    can identify when your child's rhythms
  • 00:36:33
    may be off which can help you predict
  • 00:36:36
    when they might be more irritable
  • 00:36:38
    getting ready to get sick all of those
  • 00:36:40
    things view the world from the baby's
  • 00:36:43
    eyes if you can't understand what's
  • 00:36:46
    going on or if the baby just seems to be
  • 00:36:49
    overwhelmed and colicky and stuff all
  • 00:36:51
    the time and this came from my son's
  • 00:36:54
    occupational therapist he was the
  • 00:36:56
    preemie and he would get over stimulated
  • 00:36:59
    a lot and she's like view the world from
  • 00:37:01
    his eyes lay down on your belly and
  • 00:37:03
    start looking around and look at
  • 00:37:05
    everything like you'd never seen it
  • 00:37:07
    before and I'm like yeah there's a lot
  • 00:37:09
    of stuff in here and cobwebs and um and
  • 00:37:13
    she's like yeah that's that's my point
  • 00:37:15
    there is so much to take in and you know
  • 00:37:18
    sometimes he needs a break so we worked
  • 00:37:22
    out a situation where one of his walls
  • 00:37:25
    in his in his bedroom was plain white
  • 00:37:27
    and when he would start to get
  • 00:37:30
    overstimulated we would go in there and
  • 00:37:32
    you know sit down and he could look at
  • 00:37:34
    the white wall if that's what he needed
  • 00:37:36
    to do or but he could escape from the
  • 00:37:40
    stimulation it wasn't quite as busy and
  • 00:37:42
    with the cats and the dogs and the
  • 00:37:44
    sister and the listen on that if this
  • 00:37:48
    doesn't happen when the trial
  • 00:37:50
    is an infant which sometimes it doesn't
  • 00:37:52
    okay that's fine that doesn't mean the
  • 00:37:55
    person is irreparably damaged we can
  • 00:37:59
    repair it ourselves we need to learn to
  • 00:38:01
    be attentive to our emotional and
  • 00:38:03
    physical cues before we become over or
  • 00:38:06
    underwhelmed what do I mean by that well
  • 00:38:09
    mindfulness when you get the first sense
  • 00:38:12
    that you're feeling sick tired angry
  • 00:38:15
    stressed address it figure out what's
  • 00:38:19
    causing it and take some action but if
  • 00:38:22
    you're feeling bored or sad or something
  • 00:38:25
    else then you can also do something to
  • 00:38:27
    kind of amp up what's going on so you
  • 00:38:30
    can feel happy be mindful in your
  • 00:38:33
    approach to self response to learn to
  • 00:38:35
    trust your feelings intuitions and urges
  • 00:38:37
    so identify how you feel and when I say
  • 00:38:41
    feel I mean I want to know what your
  • 00:38:43
    emotion is what your physical sensations
  • 00:38:46
    are what your urges are identify what's
  • 00:38:50
    causing those feelings right now you
  • 00:38:52
    know yeah there's probably schemas and
  • 00:38:54
    stuff from the past that's not what
  • 00:38:57
    we're dealing with when we're being
  • 00:38:59
    mindful right now we're saying what is
  • 00:39:00
    causing these feelings in the moment um
  • 00:39:03
    then we want to address the issue so if
  • 00:39:06
    you're stressed because you've got a
  • 00:39:07
    meeting coming up or you're hungry or
  • 00:39:10
    whatever it is address the issue and
  • 00:39:12
    then evaluate the outcome if someone
  • 00:39:16
    hasn't paid attention to their own cues
  • 00:39:18
    for thirty years they're not always
  • 00:39:21
    gonna guess right just like the parent
  • 00:39:23
    doesn't always guess right they're not
  • 00:39:25
    always gonna guess right you know maybe
  • 00:39:27
    they think they're hungry and then they
  • 00:39:28
    go in and they eat and they're like you
  • 00:39:30
    know I don't feel any better
  • 00:39:31
    maybe I wasn't hungry after all that's
  • 00:39:34
    okay interestingly hunger sleep and
  • 00:39:38
    anger are very very similar in their
  • 00:39:43
    biochemical nature as far as producing
  • 00:39:45
    cues in our brain so is actually hard
  • 00:39:48
    for not that we're rats but it is hard
  • 00:39:50
    for rats to differentiate between the
  • 00:39:52
    three of those people actually done
  • 00:39:55
    studies believe it or not so we want to
  • 00:39:58
    help people give themselves a break if
  • 00:40:00
    you go you think you're hungry you go
  • 00:40:02
    eat you don't feel any better
  • 00:40:03
    then you need to evaluate and go okay
  • 00:40:05
    well that wasn't it what does this
  • 00:40:08
    feeling mean for me right now and
  • 00:40:10
    reevaluate and take steps again they
  • 00:40:14
    need to learn self soothing skills so
  • 00:40:16
    when you're feeling stressed out or when
  • 00:40:18
    you start to feel stressed out what
  • 00:40:20
    makes you the individual feel better and
  • 00:40:23
    helping them learn that just because
  • 00:40:27
    Sally in the next cubicle over isn't
  • 00:40:30
    stressed out about this meeting doesn't
  • 00:40:32
    mean that you shouldn't be you are what
  • 00:40:35
    you are it's a matter of identifying how
  • 00:40:37
    you feel accepting it and figuring out
  • 00:40:40
    what to do about it encourage them to
  • 00:40:43
    identify supportive others if people in
  • 00:40:45
    their past have not been consistent have
  • 00:40:49
    not been predictable have not been
  • 00:40:50
    secure attachments then we need to look
  • 00:40:53
    at what would it look like to have a
  • 00:40:56
    secure attachment what would it look
  • 00:40:58
    like to be able to actually trust
  • 00:40:59
    someone and how do you do that we want
  • 00:41:05
    to help them identify those things or
  • 00:41:06
    situations they perceive as anxiety
  • 00:41:08
    provoking and evaluate them through an
  • 00:41:11
    adult lens what was anxiety provoking
  • 00:41:14
    when they were little you know you know
  • 00:41:17
    mom walked out of the room obviously at
  • 00:41:20
    40 is not going to be as anxiety
  • 00:41:23
    provoking because you have object
  • 00:41:26
    permanence and you know mom's gonna come
  • 00:41:27
    back now whether you want mom to come
  • 00:41:29
    back or not you know those are other
  • 00:41:31
    issues that may need to be dealt with
  • 00:41:33
    but the child needs to say what am i
  • 00:41:36
    afraid of in this situation what is
  • 00:41:39
    causing my anxiety right now you know
  • 00:41:41
    maybe I was had difficulty when I was
  • 00:41:45
    younger trusting other people why am I
  • 00:41:49
    afraid to trust other people right now
  • 00:41:51
    what is the probability that something
  • 00:41:54
    bad will happen there's probable and
  • 00:41:57
    improbable any most anything's possible
  • 00:41:59
    but what is probable how have I or
  • 00:42:04
    others successfully handled things like
  • 00:42:06
    this before so if they're getting ready
  • 00:42:08
    to do something anxiety provoking they
  • 00:42:12
    can say how have I handled something
  • 00:42:13
    like this before successfully and if I
  • 00:42:15
    haven't
  • 00:42:17
    who do I know who has and what did they
  • 00:42:18
    do because we can learn from others
  • 00:42:22
    encourage the person to keep a routine
  • 00:42:24
    to set their circadian rhythms for
  • 00:42:26
    feeding and sleeping it's easier to know
  • 00:42:30
    when you're hungry if your body knows
  • 00:42:32
    when it's hungry if your circadian
  • 00:42:34
    rhythms are you know pretty consistent
  • 00:42:36
    when we're not getting enough sleep our
  • 00:42:39
    body doesn't have time to repair our
  • 00:42:40
    brain doesn't have time to rebalance and
  • 00:42:43
    a lot of people just don't do well on
  • 00:42:45
    insufficient sleep so we want to
  • 00:42:47
    encourage people to pay attention to
  • 00:42:50
    their sleeping because that's one of
  • 00:42:52
    your biggest vulnerabilities to anxiety
  • 00:42:57
    depression and anger kind of going
  • 00:43:00
    haywire when you're when you're
  • 00:43:03
    exhausted because when you're exhausted
  • 00:43:05
    everything seems to take so much more
  • 00:43:08
    effort so infants have very little frame
  • 00:43:13
    of reference and absolutely no object
  • 00:43:15
    permanence we want to remember this so
  • 00:43:17
    like I said a vacuum cleaner
  • 00:43:19
    I don't think twice about a vacuum
  • 00:43:21
    cleaner because you know I run one every
  • 00:43:23
    day but for an infant it can be very
  • 00:43:26
    startling um my son when he was first
  • 00:43:30
    born he spent five weeks in the NICU and
  • 00:43:32
    interestingly when he came home it was
  • 00:43:35
    more disturbing to him to have a quiet
  • 00:43:38
    environment he was much more Restless
  • 00:43:41
    when there was no noise in the house as
  • 00:43:43
    opposed to when people were going about
  • 00:43:45
    their normal daily activities because he
  • 00:43:47
    had gotten so used to all the beeping
  • 00:43:49
    and buzzing and intercom calls and
  • 00:43:52
    everything else in the NICU for those
  • 00:43:53
    five weeks so pay attention to the
  • 00:43:56
    infant's frame of reference but remember
  • 00:43:59
    that you know they can learn that this
  • 00:44:01
    is a safe environment but it may take
  • 00:44:03
    some time and they may need to be
  • 00:44:05
    reassured same thing with an adult if
  • 00:44:09
    you've never trusted your own intuition
  • 00:44:12
    never trusted your own instincts before
  • 00:44:15
    you can learn what's scary and what's
  • 00:44:18
    not and what's you know the right thing
  • 00:44:22
    for you to do and what's going to work
  • 00:44:24
    against your personal goals and you can
  • 00:44:28
    learn to trust those but it takes time
  • 00:44:30
    because if you haven't developed those
  • 00:44:32
    skills of self-efficacy over the
  • 00:44:36
    developmental process you know it's not
  • 00:44:38
    a switch you can just turn on and go
  • 00:44:39
    okay I got this I don't need anybody
  • 00:44:41
    else's help every experience is filed as
  • 00:44:46
    an initial schema so think of it in
  • 00:44:48
    terms of you know you get a new computer
  • 00:44:51
    and you start out and you know I usually
  • 00:44:54
    start out really well or the beginning
  • 00:44:56
    of a semester and I had a notebook for
  • 00:44:59
    every single class and I would file my
  • 00:45:05
    syllabus in each one of them and I and
  • 00:45:09
    as the semester would go on I would
  • 00:45:11
    start filing filing more detailed notes
  • 00:45:13
    as I started learning more about that
  • 00:45:15
    particular topic that's what our schemas
  • 00:45:18
    are but as an infant basically the
  • 00:45:21
    infant period they're just getting their
  • 00:45:22
    binders together they don't even have
  • 00:45:24
    the syllabus yet they're just getting
  • 00:45:25
    their binders going okay basic needs
  • 00:45:28
    safety I don't know what else comes
  • 00:45:31
    after that infants are learning how to
  • 00:45:35
    get their basic biological and safety
  • 00:45:37
    needs met they can't say I'm hungry but
  • 00:45:40
    eventually they learn that when they
  • 00:45:42
    feel a certain way and caregiver
  • 00:45:45
    provides a bottle or food or whatever
  • 00:45:47
    they feel better so they start to
  • 00:45:50
    associate some sort of oral activity
  • 00:45:53
    with this feeling that they will later
  • 00:45:56
    end up labeling hunger they start to do
  • 00:46:00
    the same thing with sleepy when they
  • 00:46:02
    start pulling their ear and the
  • 00:46:03
    caregiver goes all you're sleeping let's
  • 00:46:05
    see you know it's about nap time they
  • 00:46:08
    hear this they don't understand our
  • 00:46:10
    language right away but they do
  • 00:46:12
    understand that when they start pulling
  • 00:46:13
    their ear and their caregiver puts them
  • 00:46:16
    to bed and then they feel better it's
  • 00:46:19
    it's miraculous as they get older
  • 00:46:22
    they'll start making the connections
  • 00:46:24
    between ok this means I'm sleepy when
  • 00:46:26
    I'm sleepy I need to go sleep failure of
  • 00:46:31
    the caregiver to consistently respond
  • 00:46:33
    may cause the child to not trust
  • 00:46:35
    themselves not trust their intuition
  • 00:46:37
    about who's safe who's not what they
  • 00:46:40
    need what they don't need they may
  • 00:46:44
    not be able to articulate what they do
  • 00:46:47
    and don't need because it's always been
  • 00:46:50
    met with one thing like a bottle or
  • 00:46:52
    naptime
  • 00:46:53
    you know sometimes parents just they
  • 00:46:56
    don't know what to do with the child
  • 00:46:57
    they're just like okay must be overtired
  • 00:46:58
    go to sleep and or may feel hopeless and
  • 00:47:03
    anxious in an unpredictable world they
  • 00:47:06
    have all these feelings of distress but
  • 00:47:09
    they don't know how to consistently make
  • 00:47:10
    those feelings go away if you know that
  • 00:47:13
    when you have this one certain feeling
  • 00:47:15
    if you eat something it makes that
  • 00:47:17
    feeling go away then that's empowering
  • 00:47:20
    if you know when you start having this
  • 00:47:23
    other feeling that it means you're tired
  • 00:47:25
    and you sleep and it makes that feeling
  • 00:47:27
    go away then that's pretty predictable
  • 00:47:30
    and it's less of a scary environment the
  • 00:47:34
    same thing with loud noises and changes
  • 00:47:37
    of scenery as children are exposed to
  • 00:47:40
    different things they start learning
  • 00:47:42
    that as long as I'm in the presence of
  • 00:47:44
    my caregiver things are generally going
  • 00:47:47
    to be ok
  • 00:47:51
    consistent mindful parenting can be
  • 00:47:53
    disrupted by addiction mental health
  • 00:47:56
    issues or skill deficits it is really
  • 00:47:59
    important that we educate parents not
  • 00:48:04
    only moms but dads grandmas anybody
  • 00:48:07
    who's a caregiver with an infant about
  • 00:48:10
    postpartum depression a lot of women
  • 00:48:13
    still feel very guilty and shameful when
  • 00:48:17
    if they start developing symptoms of
  • 00:48:21
    postpartum depression and it's important
  • 00:48:23
    for us as clinicians to destigmatize
  • 00:48:26
    that and let them know that it's really
  • 00:48:28
    pretty common and yeah you may have some
  • 00:48:30
    horrible thoughts let's talk about them
  • 00:48:32
    it doesn't mean you're going to act on
  • 00:48:34
    them so we can encourage them to get
  • 00:48:37
    early help early intervention and do
  • 00:48:39
    what they need to do so they can be
  • 00:48:41
    there for their child if something
  • 00:48:44
    drastic changes in a person's life
  • 00:48:45
    he or she may revisit the trust mistrust
  • 00:48:49
    task so yeah you may solve it when
  • 00:48:52
    you're an infant you know zero to two
  • 00:48:54
    but if something drastic changes
  • 00:48:57
    your life you know they are a they're a
  • 00:49:01
    victim of a crime or you know some
  • 00:49:05
    something super tragic happens then they
  • 00:49:09
    may start questioning what is safe and
  • 00:49:12
    what isn't and you know should they
  • 00:49:14
    really trust other people and so we're
  • 00:49:17
    kind of back to the beginning can they
  • 00:49:19
    trust their own intuition are they able
  • 00:49:22
    to meet their own needs or you know can
  • 00:49:26
    they exist in this world so it's
  • 00:49:29
    important to understand that you know
  • 00:49:30
    somebody may have had a great childhood
  • 00:49:32
    it may have had a great infant
  • 00:49:34
    development but later in life if
  • 00:49:37
    something catastrophic happens they may
  • 00:49:39
    revisit that task and may have to kind
  • 00:49:42
    of process it a little bit about what
  • 00:49:44
    that crisis means to the person normal
  • 00:49:48
    development involves small changes that
  • 00:49:50
    build on prior learning as children get
  • 00:49:54
    older we let them do a little bit more
  • 00:49:56
    we let them venture out a little further
  • 00:49:58
    we give them a few more privileges if
  • 00:50:01
    things start to go haywire we rein them
  • 00:50:03
    back in but we always serve as a safe
  • 00:50:06
    home base so they develop self efficacy
  • 00:50:10
    they develop a sense of who they are so
  • 00:50:13
    when they move on and they graduate high
  • 00:50:16
    school and they go on to college or
  • 00:50:18
    trade school or their first job yeah
  • 00:50:21
    that's a huge change but it's not a
  • 00:50:25
    major crisis because they've learned to
  • 00:50:27
    trust themselves they've developed a
  • 00:50:29
    sense of identity they've also learned
  • 00:50:31
    that there is a safe space that they can
  • 00:50:34
    go back to if they need to adults have
  • 00:50:38
    the ability to learn to identify
  • 00:50:39
    interpret and meet their own needs
  • 00:50:42
    increasing self-esteem independence
  • 00:50:44
    self-efficacy and hopefulness so we want
  • 00:50:47
    to look at in general what's going on
  • 00:50:52
    with this person right now how much do
  • 00:50:56
    they trust their own intuition and how
  • 00:50:58
    much do they trust other people and how
  • 00:51:00
    can we help them when we're working with
  • 00:51:03
    parents obviously you know there are
  • 00:51:05
    some very fundamental things we can do
  • 00:51:06
    to help them help their child resolve
  • 00:51:08
    those tasks
  • 00:51:10
    and help them navigate some of those
  • 00:51:12
    tricky spots like when the child is
  • 00:51:16
    going to start sleeping alone how do you
  • 00:51:17
    how long do you let them cry do you let
  • 00:51:20
    them cry it out those sorts of questions
  • 00:51:22
    that come up a lot and there's a book
  • 00:51:24
    I'm trying to remember the author right
  • 00:51:26
    now it's called solving your child's
  • 00:51:29
    sleep problems and it's been around for
  • 00:51:32
    at least 20 years right now a really
  • 00:51:35
    good book and it talks about different
  • 00:51:37
    ways parents can help do that in a way
  • 00:51:39
    that doesn't cause too much distress to
  • 00:51:42
    the child or the parents so that's a
  • 00:51:45
    book that I would suggest people really
  • 00:51:47
    look up in their local libraries or
  • 00:51:52
    online like I said it's been around for
  • 00:51:54
    like 20 years so I imagine it's at a lot
  • 00:51:56
    of libraries or on Kindle even so when
  • 00:52:02
    you're trying to navigate something like
  • 00:52:03
    that when you're trying to help parents
  • 00:52:05
    navigate something like that sometimes
  • 00:52:07
    it's helpful that for them to have sort
  • 00:52:09
    of a go-to guide these are the two
  • 00:52:14
    websites I was talking about for
  • 00:52:16
    interpreting baby's cries gives you an
  • 00:52:19
    idea about how different cries and they
  • 00:52:22
    sound different if you can attend to
  • 00:52:24
    them early and you can try doing that in
  • 00:52:28
    if the parent brings baby to session
  • 00:52:31
    generally you know as a clinician I
  • 00:52:34
    generally discourage that unless we're
  • 00:52:37
    specifically working on parenting issues
  • 00:52:39
    because this mom gets upset it tends to
  • 00:52:42
    stress out baby
  • 00:52:43
    if we're talking about something other
  • 00:52:45
    than parenting baby right there but we
  • 00:52:49
    can do make mom can videotape
  • 00:52:53
    child at home and try to armchair
  • 00:52:56
    quarterback some of those cries that
  • 00:52:59
    came up try to learn the child's rhythms
  • 00:53:02
    and do some things like that in session
  • 00:53:06
    instead of having baby kind of right
  • 00:53:08
    there are there any questions
  • 00:53:19
    all righty I will stick around for a few
  • 00:53:23
    more minutes in case you come up with
  • 00:53:24
    any questions that you have otherwise I
  • 00:53:27
    will see you all on Thursday for
  • 00:53:30
    toddlers
  • 00:53:48
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标签
  • Child Development
  • Infancy
  • Attachment Theory
  • Trust vs Mistrust
  • Mindful Parenting
  • Schemas
  • Postpartum Depression
  • Cognitive Development
  • Parenting
  • Caregiver Influence