How to actually build a romantic connection with anybody

00:15:04
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk4lxg6-mA0

摘要

TLDRThe speaker explores the complexities of modern dating, emphasizing the importance of communication, curiosity, vulnerability, and authenticity in building romantic connections. They discuss how media influences perceptions of romance and stress the need for open conversations about desires and boundaries. The speaker encourages viewers to embrace vulnerability and authenticity, as doing so fosters deeper insights and stronger bonds. They conclude that while every relationship is unique, these principles can guide individuals in developing healthy and enriching connections.

心得

  • 🗣️ Communication is crucial for clarity and understanding.
  • 🔍 Curiosity keeps the relationship engaging and vibrant.
  • 💔 Vulnerability deepens the connection and builds trust.
  • ✨ Authenticity allows partners to see the real you.
  • 📚 Reflect on media influences on your understanding of romance.
  • 🔗 Forming connections requires mutual interest and willingness.
  • ⚖️ Discussions about boundaries and expectations are essential.
  • 💪 Embrace your flaws to foster genuine relationships.
  • 🔆 Each relationship is unique, with no one-size-fits-all approach.

时间轴

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker reflects on the difficulties of modern dating and how romantic connections are often informed by societal influences, like media portrayals. They introduce the idea that understanding personal beliefs about romance is crucial to building healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of clarity and honest communication with potential partners about desires and boundaries as the foundation for any romantic connection.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:15:04

    The discussion continues by focusing on four key components for successful romantic connections: communication, curiosity, vulnerability, and authenticity. Effective communication is essential to express needs and desires. Curiosity involves genuinely wanting to understand your partner's world, while vulnerability is necessary to deepen connections. Lastly, authenticity is highlighted as essential in building trust, asserting that showing up as one's real self allows for true connection rather than one based on false pretenses.

思维导图

视频问答

  • What are the key components of a healthy romantic relationship?

    The key components include communication, curiosity, vulnerability, and authenticity.

  • How important is communication in a relationship?

    Communication is crucial; it helps establish clear understanding and boundaries.

  • Why is curiosity important in relationships?

    Curiosity helps keep the spark alive by encouraging partners to learn more about each other.

  • How can vulnerability improve a relationship?

    Being vulnerable allows deeper connections and understanding between partners.

  • What does authenticity mean in the context of relationships?

    Authenticity means being true to oneself and showing the real you to your partner.

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  • 00:00:00
    look I've formed romantic connections
  • 00:00:04
    okay they were real they happened I'm
  • 00:00:06
    qualified we're in a weird spot the
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    dating landscape sucks there's a gender
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    War people are secretly recording you on
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    your first date at the Cheesecake
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    Factory what are we doing skit or not
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    stop doing that I'm not going to make
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    this super long I don't think you need
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    to have all the answers I don't think
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    you should be scouring the Internet for
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    ways to bond with people a lot of this
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    stuff you just can't teach you got to go
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    do it as uncomfortable as that might
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    sound so if you need tips on how to form
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    and maintain a healthy romantic
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    relationship I have some and they're
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    [Music]
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    free this is not my life
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    it's just
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    [Music]
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    a it's uh debated whether this is
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    biologically programmed into our brains
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    or shaped by the bombardment of media we
  • 00:01:19
    are subjected to by birth either way
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    it's safe to say we have assumptions
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    beliefs that point us in a specific
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    Direction your ideas about romance come
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    come from somewhere and usually you
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    didn't really get a choice most of us
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    it's movies media books our parents our
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    grandparents I don't want to knock
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    anybody but go back and watch some of
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    your favorite media and just look at how
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    corny the romances and like half the
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    time it didn't need to be there it
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    didn't really service the plot at all it
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    was just a thing to do in the '90s could
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    you imagine going to film school and
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    working your way up to become a director
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    and you're watching your script come
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    life and you're in an executive meeting
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    and they're
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    like this is good but what
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    if two
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    people kiss it's a good thing to know
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    where your ideas of romance and intimacy
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    come from because if you don't there's a
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    good chance that your understanding
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    might be a little
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    flawed you get out into the real world
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    and you real I it's not what it seemed
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    to be there's a lot missing it's not
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    love at first sight there are no
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    butterflies in your stomach it's
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    actually in your chest and it's called
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    anxiety there's no cute fur supporting
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    character helping you through any of
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    this it's confusing and suddenly you
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    have to deal with not only your own
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    fears and insecurities but you have to
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    mash them up with someone else you have
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    to make an educated guess on somebody's
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    character and put a little bit of trust
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    and a little A Little Bit of Faith in a
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    stranger and there's no possible way of
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    knowing how it's going to turn out until
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    it actually
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    happens the very first thing to
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    understand is you don't get to build a
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    romantic connection with whoever you
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    want they have to be a willing
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    participant duh but like no cuz some of
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    y'all don't get it there are plenty of
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    fish in the sea yes but the world is not
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    your oyster just because you think
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    somebody is attracted just because you
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    see them all the time does not mean the
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    possibility to build a romantic
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    connection exists on me kissing my hand
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    I don't know where your lips been
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    building a romantic connection does not
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    mean forcing one some people are just in
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    your life to be in your life and they
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    don't want you and there's nothing you
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    can do about it moving on we got four
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    parts the first one communication what
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    do you
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    want remat
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    I mean in our
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    relationship this feels like a trap it's
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    not a
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    trap it's no [ __ ] what do you
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    want you want me to go
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    first please I want to
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    be in a committed relationship
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    relationship where I'm valued as a human
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    being and not as an accessory that you
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    can
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    [ __ ] that's a good answer there's just
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    no way around this this is the
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    connection this is the most important
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    thing you need to get comfortable
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    expressing yourself and you need to be
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    very clear very explicit in the
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    beginning trust me it just works out
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    better that way you got to use your
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    words it gets confusing there's you and
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    then there's them and then there's who
  • 00:05:01
    you think they are and then there's who
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    you think they think you are what it's a
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    lot and the only way to make sense of it
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    is to be a yapper they don't know unless
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    you tell them you should want to tell
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    them so they get things right and y'all
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    are on the same page one of the first
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    things you should do before you start
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    pursuing any romantic connection with
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    anybody is to talk about it what does
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    that look like for you what are what's
  • 00:05:30
    going on here with us who cares and if
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    you have no desire to have these
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    discussions oh baby like what are you
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    doing you can talk about these important
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    things before the connection is fully
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    formed that's okay cuz how do you know
  • 00:05:44
    where you're going talk about boundaries
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    talk about what's considered cheating
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    talk about what a romantic connection
  • 00:05:50
    means to each of you individually this
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    is an ongoing thing you don't just have
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    one uncomfortable or deep conversation
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    in the beginning like yes do that please
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    but also anytime anytime it's
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    appropriate anytime something comes up
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    get in the habit of talking to this
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    person about the things that matter to
  • 00:06:09
    y'all continue to have these
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    conversations try not to leave them in
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    the dark especially in the beginning if
  • 00:06:17
    he wanted to he would but like what is
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    it arguments and disagreements will
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    happen but I promise you they will
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    happen less if y'all talk more and have
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    a clearer understanding of how things
  • 00:06:30
    were something crazy happened talk to
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    them they did something you like talk to
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    them about it they did something you
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    didn't like talk to them about it like
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    this is the person you're choosing and
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    if you're not telling them then who are
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    you telling the next one is my personal
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    favorite
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    curiosity you need to be curious like Mr
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    Rager you see my [ __ ] wait wait wait Mr
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    Rager that's you you need to be cute
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    curious about them even if you know them
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    well this is gold this is a drug this is
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    the spark that old people complain about
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    not having in their marriages it's
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    mainly the idea that you exist and you
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    go through life trials and tribulations
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    Writing Your Own Story and someone comes
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    along and they want to read
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    it every chapter in a world where our
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    attention is so easily divided and taken
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    from us somebody wanting to know
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    you is such a good feeling I'm not going
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    to lie that's one of the best gifts you
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    can give somebody sometimes we need
  • 00:07:40
    another person to help us learn about
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    ourselves and to want to be known is
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    such a gift I got to call my
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    [Music]
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    baby your call has been forwarded to an
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    automatic of course you can't learn
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    everything about somebody but even the
  • 00:07:59
    idea that you're trying to being
  • 00:08:03
    committed to understanding seeing things
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    in them that they can't see in
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    themselves paying attention that's how
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    you keep the fire burning that's how you
  • 00:08:13
    continue to Foster the connection take
  • 00:08:15
    notes literally jot down some cute
  • 00:08:18
    things about them get in the habit of
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    knowing and wanting to know them it's
  • 00:08:23
    really fun be a detective but don't lurk
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    that's weird there should be limits on
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    how far you'll go to investigate things
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    especially when you can just ask them
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    ask them about their dreams their
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    passions I don't care how corny that is
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    ask them about their favorite show step
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    into their world for a little bit they
  • 00:08:41
    should be doing the same thing for you
  • 00:08:44
    and if you have no desire to do this I
  • 00:08:46
    don't know get over it this is how you
  • 00:08:48
    keep things going be curious seek
  • 00:08:52
    answers every now and
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    then here we go look I'm just going to
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    say it
  • 00:09:00
    you got to be vulnerable like there's no
  • 00:09:02
    way around it being nonchalant is corny
  • 00:09:06
    whatever you got to do you might have to
  • 00:09:08
    work on some self-esteem insecurities
  • 00:09:11
    but at some point you got to do it you
  • 00:09:13
    got to open up your stupid little heart
  • 00:09:16
    and you got to let people in even if you
  • 00:09:19
    don't like it you're not going to get
  • 00:09:20
    very far if you don't open that door
  • 00:09:23
    this is how you learn about them about
  • 00:09:26
    yourself this is how you deepen that
  • 00:09:28
    connection you're going to uncover a lot
  • 00:09:30
    of truths about yourself you're going to
  • 00:09:32
    discover some wounds you didn't know you
  • 00:09:34
    had some good things too but maybe
  • 00:09:36
    you're one of those people that has a
  • 00:09:38
    lot of wounds to share just some big old
  • 00:09:41
    gaping holes oh my God easier said than
  • 00:09:43
    done being vulnerable sucks especially
  • 00:09:46
    in the beginning but you don't need to
  • 00:09:48
    feel stupid for being vulnerable ever
  • 00:09:51
    you're supposed to be vulnerable it only
  • 00:09:54
    hurts so much cuz you don't ever do it
  • 00:09:56
    and the more you do it the sooner you
  • 00:09:58
    realize it it's less about other people
  • 00:10:01
    and it's more about you it's more about
  • 00:10:03
    you trusting yourself to lay things out
  • 00:10:06
    for people to see even if it's a mess we
  • 00:10:10
    don't get to pick and choose which
  • 00:10:12
    pieces of a person we want to accept we
  • 00:10:15
    have to accept the whole thing the good
  • 00:10:18
    and the flaws all of it there's just a
  • 00:10:20
    point where you have to stop being
  • 00:10:22
    mysterious and embrace the fear of being
  • 00:10:24
    perceived dude and possibly judged even
  • 00:10:27
    if it's for a Split Second even if they
  • 00:10:30
    might say something cartoonishly clumsy
  • 00:10:33
    and it shatters your confidence for a
  • 00:10:34
    couple minutes it's new for a lot of us
  • 00:10:38
    I'm not saying you need to be each
  • 00:10:39
    other's therapists but like why not at
  • 00:10:43
    least for like a day couple minutes
  • 00:10:45
    shouldn't you be aren't you all
  • 00:10:48
    connecting I don't think providing a
  • 00:10:50
    supportive place within a connection is
  • 00:10:52
    a bad thing there's Perks to Being in a
  • 00:10:55
    romantic connection with someone it's
  • 00:10:57
    okay to be vulnerable it takes a lot to
  • 00:11:00
    be vulnerable so when you see someone
  • 00:11:02
    being vulnerable let them know hey I see
  • 00:11:05
    you trying thank you and hopefully
  • 00:11:08
    you're extended the same thing we want
  • 00:11:10
    to be connected right so do it you don't
  • 00:11:14
    have to share everything everywhere all
  • 00:11:16
    at
  • 00:11:17
    once but people want to get deep and if
  • 00:11:20
    you can't swim just say that but this is
  • 00:11:24
    how you learn to float I wrote that all
  • 00:11:28
    right you're doing great last one
  • 00:11:30
    authenticity I know this word is
  • 00:11:32
    overused but let me actually explain I'm
  • 00:11:35
    tired of this Grandpa that's too damn
  • 00:11:37
    man believe it or not if you want to
  • 00:11:39
    build a real romantic connection you got
  • 00:11:41
    to show up as the real you even if it's
  • 00:11:45
    scary even if you tried it out before
  • 00:11:49
    being hurt doesn't give us permission to
  • 00:11:51
    move strategically with other people
  • 00:11:53
    when they're trying to be genuine with
  • 00:11:55
    you like this is how you miss out on
  • 00:11:57
    people this is how you miss out on
  • 00:12:00
    experiences protect yourself of course
  • 00:12:03
    don't do anything stupid don't put in a
  • 00:12:05
    bunch of effort when you're not getting
  • 00:12:06
    anything in return but how can we get
  • 00:12:10
    things like a healthy partnership
  • 00:12:12
    unconditional love acceptance how can we
  • 00:12:15
    get those things how can someone accept
  • 00:12:17
    you if you never give them the chance
  • 00:12:20
    you got to be you you got to be
  • 00:12:22
    authentic you have to let them choose
  • 00:12:25
    you and the only way to do that is to
  • 00:12:28
    drop everything else and show up
  • 00:12:30
    authentically this is what I
  • 00:12:34
    [Music]
  • 00:12:37
    am it's like diamond you might have to
  • 00:12:40
    accept the fact that you could get
  • 00:12:42
    rejected or you could have the best
  • 00:12:44
    experience of your life I'm going to say
  • 00:12:47
    this and I know you guys won't judge me
  • 00:12:48
    I know this is a safe space I tried to
  • 00:12:51
    connect with people without showing them
  • 00:12:54
    the real me stop doing that especially
  • 00:12:57
    romantically that [ __ ] will not work the
  • 00:13:00
    less I tried to fit into everybody
  • 00:13:02
    else's mold the easier time I had
  • 00:13:05
    finding someone who wanted me just me
  • 00:13:08
    stop trying to connect with people who
  • 00:13:10
    you know don't fit with you stop trying
  • 00:13:13
    to connect with people who you haven't
  • 00:13:16
    shown the real you that fake [ __ ] is not
  • 00:13:18
    going to work the less we do that the
  • 00:13:20
    less we dwell and the less we actually
  • 00:13:23
    feel is lost when things don't work out
  • 00:13:27
    you don't need to be perfect we didn't
  • 00:13:29
    come off of an assembly line stop trying
  • 00:13:31
    to be all these other things cuz that
  • 00:13:33
    fake [ __ ] won't last anyway like why
  • 00:13:36
    would that work how are you forming a
  • 00:13:38
    connection based off an inauthentic
  • 00:13:41
    image it doesn't work it doesn't make
  • 00:13:43
    sense and maybe for some of y'all that
  • 00:13:45
    means you got to take a little extra
  • 00:13:46
    care to work on those negative beliefs
  • 00:13:49
    because your partner can't do that for
  • 00:13:50
    you they're not you and that's not
  • 00:13:53
    really fair to them that's not how you
  • 00:13:55
    build and they can help you you know
  • 00:13:57
    they can be encouraging they can be
  • 00:13:59
    uplifting but at the end of the day
  • 00:14:00
    that's work that you got to do cuz
  • 00:14:03
    you're always in a relationship with
  • 00:14:04
    yourself you're always in a relationship
  • 00:14:07
    even if you're single even if you're not
  • 00:14:09
    connected to anybody you're always in a
  • 00:14:11
    relationship spend time with yourself
  • 00:14:13
    explore put yourself in different
  • 00:14:16
    situations the only way to prepare and
  • 00:14:19
    not be hurt when connections get tough
  • 00:14:22
    is to know who you are within the
  • 00:14:26
    connection you can't do that if you're
  • 00:14:28
    wearing a mask you can't do that if
  • 00:14:30
    you're not being yourself you can't do
  • 00:14:32
    that if they don't know the real you
  • 00:14:36
    yeah
  • 00:14:37
    communication
  • 00:14:38
    curiosity
  • 00:14:40
    vulnerability authenticity this is just
  • 00:14:44
    a guide just a little push to kind of
  • 00:14:46
    get you thinking about the right things
  • 00:14:49
    there's no blueprint to this every
  • 00:14:51
    connection is going to be different and
  • 00:14:52
    that's what makes them beautiful it's
  • 00:14:55
    not 50/50 it's just y'all making that
  • 00:14:58
    energy child happy again
标签
  • romantic relationships
  • communication
  • curiosity
  • vulnerability
  • authenticity
  • modern dating
  • connections
  • self-discovery
  • relationships advice