00:00:00
We are all here reunited to discuss
00:00:03
something very important.
00:00:05
This is a meeting that cannot be postponed.
00:00:09
It's vital and important to the future of our organization.
00:00:13
I hope everyone did your part.
00:00:17
Very well
00:00:19
So let's begin...
00:00:21
[Epic music starts]
00:00:29
...the Secret Santa.
00:00:30
[Christmas music starts]
00:00:34
So, I'd love to know what is my gift.
00:00:37
But I'll let you know, if it is some socks
00:00:40
you're out from Akatsuki.
00:00:42
You have to give me back the ring
00:00:44
and the enamel.
00:00:45
Ok, then. Neeeh
00:00:47
Amen. Glory to our lord and savior, god of evil
00:00:51
Jarcoq
00:00:52
Jarcoq. *laughter*
00:00:54
Did I say something funny, Tobi?
00:00:56
No, it's nothing. *laughter*
00:00:57
Is there something funny on my faith
00:01:00
for my lord and savior, Jarcoq?
00:01:02
No, dude, not at all. *laughter*
00:01:04
That's what I thought.
00:01:05
It sounds like "cock'".
00:01:06
What?
00:01:07
"Lock". I said "lock".
00:01:08
I worked hard to buy a nice gift.
00:01:11
So if I don't get a nice gift
00:01:13
I'm gonna cry a lot
00:01:15
HMM. Happy will be the one who will get my, HMM, gift.
00:01:19
It was chosen very carefully. HMM.
00:01:23
EXPLOSION. HMM.
00:01:25
Thank you for inviting me here today
00:01:27
even after all our
00:01:30
disssagreementssss.
00:01:32
Itachi(This guy tried to abuse me.)
00:01:35
Itachi(Who invited him?)
00:01:36
Hi, Itachiiiiiii.
00:01:38
I'm already warning you that my gift is cheap.
00:01:41
I'm saving money to get a few things.
00:01:43
What things? HMM
00:01:45
A few things.
00:01:46
Wake me up inside
00:01:48
I can't wake up inside
00:01:50
Hey Konan. It started. Let's go.
00:01:52
Pss. Konan.
00:01:53
[HEY, KONAN.]
00:01:54
Huh, what?
00:01:55
The Secret Santa started.
00:01:57
Aaah, ok.
00:01:59
Wut?
00:02:00
Did you guys seriously revive me to join your Secret Santa?
00:02:03
I don't even like Secret Santa
00:02:05
I DONT EVEN LIKE YOU
00:02:06
I DONT EVEN LIKE "FRIENDS"
00:02:08
Hm
00:02:08
Sorry, Sasori but we needed one more
00:02:11
so the number stays even.
00:02:13
Remember: pain is unavoidable
00:02:16
but suffering is optional.
00:02:18
Right, Kisame?
00:02:19
Neeeeh.
00:02:19
That's so nice to see everbody reunited.
00:02:22
Successfully manipulated.
00:02:25
Yeaaah, haha, for sure.
00:02:27
I know who you are talking about.
00:02:30
Yeaaaaah, that's right.
00:02:33
About Madaaara-
00:02:34
My mother Kaguya.
00:02:35
What?
00:02:36
Wut?
00:02:36
What?
00:02:37
What?
00:02:37
WAKE ME UP
00:02:38
Wake me up inside
00:02:40
I CAN'T WAKE UP
00:02:41
Wake me up inside
00:02:42
SAVE MeEEeEeEeEee
00:02:43
Attention. Let's begin.
00:02:45
Alright, then.
00:02:46
It was painful to wait for this day.
00:02:49
I was looking forward to it.
00:02:51
I wanna so badly to see what gift I'll get.
00:02:54
As an exceptional leader
00:02:56
I think I deserve to receive something cool as fuck.
00:03:00
Holy shit.
00:03:01
Who will start?
00:03:03
By the blessings of the lord Jarcoq, I may start.
00:03:07
But before this, I'd like to call for a prayer circle.
00:03:10
Oh, nooooooooo.
00:03:11
Every-fucking-day
00:03:13
Hm.
00:03:14
This is gonna be painful.
00:03:16
Oh. I'm gonna cry.
00:03:18
Lord Jarcoq-
00:03:19
*laughter*
00:03:22
LOOOORD Jarcoq, we are all here reunited to honor your name
00:03:28
and to keep drawing our BLOOD PATH
00:03:32
Keep spreading wickedness
00:03:35
and CHAOS.
00:03:37
Jumping the lines
00:03:38
Putting chewing gums under the tables
00:03:41
Taking babies to the movies
00:03:44
Tying the friend's bag to the chair
00:03:48
DRINKING GOAT'S BLOOD
00:03:51
WTF?
00:03:51
We dedicate this Secret Santa to your destructive name.
00:03:56
And let Kakuzu die.
00:03:57
Amen.
00:03:57
Son of bitch.
00:03:59
Let me remeber you: don't give away your Secret Santa too soon.
00:04:04
Now, go on, Hidan.
00:04:05
First, my Secret Santa needs to seek Lord Jarcoq's holy words.
00:04:11
A person with no faith is a lost person.
00:04:15
And if he doesn't seek for our Lord Jarcoq
00:04:18
he'll go to hell.
00:04:19
Amen.
00:04:20
I'm just waiting for you to stop preaching and start to describe your Secret fucking Santa.
00:04:25
Oh, that's right.
00:04:26
My Secret Santa
00:04:27
is blue...
00:04:29
[Disappointed "aaaaas"]
00:04:31
Fuck, Hidan. HMM.
00:04:32
I just warned him. What a pain.
00:04:35
Oh, It's me. Neeeeh
00:04:37
No, no. It's blue. So it's clearly me, Kisame.
00:04:40
What the hell is Gaara doing here?
00:04:42
Don't even start.
00:04:44
What is this? A book? Neeeh
00:04:45
Not just a book. It's Lord Jarcoq's word.
00:04:49
Jarcoq? Neeeeh
00:04:51
What a shit.
00:04:52
What?
00:04:52
My Secret Santa, neeeeeh, is a very reserved guy.
00:04:56
Itachi[Is it me? If my work partner got me, then I'm gonna get emotional.]
00:05:02
[And cry.]
00:05:03
Kakuzu[hmmm]
00:05:04
[That's a big gift. And seems expensive.]
00:05:08
[I hope it's me.]
00:05:09
Konan[It's possible that's me. Or not that possible.]
00:05:13
[Is it really worth my attention?]
00:05:16
Black Zetsu[There's no one more reserved than me]
00:05:19
[After all, I keep secrets that only I know.]
00:05:23
[Go, Kaguya.]
00:05:24
He's hairy.
00:05:26
Itachi[Oh. It seems it's really me.]
00:05:28
He's strong.
00:05:29
Itachi[Oh my...]
00:05:29
He has distinct eyes.
00:05:32
Itachi[OMG. It's really me. My partner got me.]
00:05:35
[How exciting.]
00:05:36
[He's gonna give me a great gift!]
00:05:38
It's Kakuzu. Neeeeeeh!
00:05:41
Oh yeah! Gimme that.
00:05:43
Itachi[I'm gonna cry.]
00:05:44
Look at this. A suitcase.
00:05:46
It's nice.
00:05:48
Heh, did you like?
00:05:49
Yeah, I can put a few things here.
00:05:53
Thanks.
00:05:55
Now, here's the deal.
00:05:56
My Secret Santa doesn't seem to know what he's doing.
00:06:00
The payments dropped a lot in the last months.
00:06:03
He has to raise our wages.
00:06:05
Oh, it's Pain.
00:06:06
What the??
00:06:06
Pain. For sure.
00:06:08
He doesn't pay us well. HMM. Yeah, that's Pain. HMM
00:06:11
Do you guys get paid?
00:06:12
Everyone in the company complaining.
00:06:15
Such a pain.
00:06:17
But anyway, give me the gift. I can't wait to see what it is.
00:06:20
However, I have to say I'm concerned
00:06:22
because the package is kinda small.
00:06:25
But I know it's a great gift.
00:06:26
After all, Kakuzu really enjoy his time at this job.
00:06:29
Is that right, Kakuzu?
00:06:30
Oh fuck...
00:06:31
And my gift is...
00:06:35
*Pain gets dissapointed*
00:06:37
*Pain gets angry*
00:06:42
Socks...?
00:06:44
So... well, boss. The Waterfall Village is in a financial crisis
00:06:47
and I'm saving money to get a few things
00:06:49
Socks, Kakuzu?!
00:06:51
But, boss these socks are nice. The fabric-
00:06:54
When the Secret Santa is over...
00:06:56
you wait here in the lounge...
00:06:58
Jeez, boss. I was just kidding, my wage is great and your leadership-
00:07:02
Leaving my pain aside, we shall continue.
00:07:06
My Secret Santa won't feel this huge pain of receiving a shit gift like this.
00:07:13
Oh, boss. Don't bash me like that.
00:07:15
My Secret Santa has standard height
00:07:18
Distinct hair style
00:07:20
Excellent fighting skills
00:07:23
And really unique jutsus.
00:07:24
Oh my. This one is really hard.
00:07:27
Everybody here has unique jutsus
00:07:29
and excellent fighting skills
00:07:32
and distinct hair style.
00:07:35
Merciful god. Even praying, I won't get it right.
00:07:37
Weeeell, I'm glad that Chemical Romance is back.
00:07:40
Is there a new song on Spotkunai?
00:07:42
So, did you guess who it is?
00:07:45
HMM. It's Konan?
00:07:46
Hidan?
00:07:46
It's Kisame?
00:07:47
Heh. Hidan got me. Neeeeh
00:07:49
Oh, yeah.
00:07:50
Itachi?
00:07:51
White Zetsu?
00:07:51
Black Zetsu?
00:07:52
Jarcoq?
00:07:53
Tobi?
00:07:53
HI!
00:07:54
[sudden silence]
00:07:59
Kaaa....guya?
00:08:00
[another sudden silence]
00:08:02
Who?
00:08:02
Itachi? HMM
00:08:03
Konan?
00:08:04
Kakuzu?
00:08:05
Not me
00:08:06
Fuck!
00:08:06
Hidan?
00:08:07
Madara?
00:08:07
EEEEEEEH
00:08:08
Sorry.
00:08:08
Orochimaru?
00:08:09
Hi, gorgeousss.
00:08:10
Black Zetsu?
00:08:11
White Zetsu?
00:08:11
Kakuzu?
00:08:12
It's not me, shit!
00:08:13
Fuuuck!!
00:08:14
Enough. What a pain. It's Deidara.
00:08:17
You guys said all names, except for Deidara
00:08:21
Everyone:"aaaaaaaaaaah''
00:08:23
[ANOTHER sudden silence]
00:08:26
So, it's not Kaguya?
00:08:27
Who?
00:08:28
Konan?
00:08:28
Kakuzu?
00:08:29
IT'S NOT ME
00:08:30
FUCKING SHIT
00:08:31
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
00:08:34
HMM. A shelf? HMM.
00:08:36
Yes, you're an artist right?
00:08:39
Now, you can put your clay arts in there.
00:08:42
HMM. But they explode. HMM.
00:08:45
It's because...
00:08:46
Yeah..
00:08:48
HMM. Ok, then.
00:08:49
My gift, HMM, is for someone I, HMM, admire a lot. HMM
00:08:54
Oooooh, that's meeeee.
00:08:56
I DONT ADMIRE YOU, TOBI! HMM
00:08:58
Going on. It's a very talented person. HMM,
00:09:02
Very unique in his way of being.
00:09:04
Of course it's me.
00:09:05
Deidara-senpai. It wasn't needed.
00:09:07
SHUT UP, TOBI. HMM
00:09:10
It's a person, HMM, that I learned a lot being his partner
00:09:14
Aaaaaah you're playing hard to get.
00:09:17
It's really me, thank you, Deidara-sen-
00:09:20
-PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI
00:09:23
It's Sasori...
00:09:25
Where is it? What did you give me? What is it?
00:09:26
Holy fuck! it's a Vazer's profesional puppet mounting kit.
00:09:31
So fucking cool.
00:09:33
HMM. That's right. HMM
00:09:34
I know how to choose gifts. HMM
00:09:37
Awesome. Wow. I guess Secret Santa is not that bad at all.
00:09:41
Hahaha
00:09:42
You can't even use it. You're dead.
00:09:45
*Dreams destroyed*
00:09:47
oh, Tobi.
00:09:49
That's it
00:09:51
My Secret Santa is extremely annoying.
00:09:55
Actually, he's unbearable.
00:09:57
Oh, then it's not me. Hehe
00:09:58
It's Tobi.
00:09:59
oh...
00:10:00
Almost. But it's not you.
00:10:02
Well, this person is boring because everytime he is-
00:10:05
Oh, you know what? I don't wanna play. It's Hidan.
00:10:07
[Disappointed "aaaaas"]
00:10:09
Right in my turn, you decide to spoil the fun.
00:10:12
Merciful god, thankfully, you're already DEAD.
00:10:15
(iiiiiiii, uuuuuh)
00:10:18
I don't need to pay attention to the WEAKEST Akatsuki member.
00:10:22
(iiiiiiih, uuuuuuuh, eeeeeeh)
00:10:24
(hahaha)
00:10:25
You know?! that's really funny coming from the guy
00:10:28
who was killed by S A K U R AAAAAA
00:10:32
Tobi- IIIIIIIIIIIIHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
00:10:36
I felt that pain.
00:10:37
I felt that on my five hearts.
00:10:39
Shut up, Kakuzu.
00:10:42
IF IT WERE ME, I WOUDN'T LET IT.
00:10:45
Just to let you know, I let myself die. It was on purpose!
00:10:49
What a nice fanfic. Tell me another.
00:10:51
Oh, by the way, I really wanna know, in the future, which stupid way you'll get killed.
00:10:56
My dearest, I don't even die.
00:10:58
Worship to Lord Jarcoq, hellooo???
00:11:01
Then go there and pray to your GOD OF COCK!
00:11:03
Tobi and Zetsus- AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
00:11:11
I love it.
00:11:12
What is happening here, guys?
00:11:14
It wasn't supposed to be just a game?
00:11:16
Between friends?
00:11:17
That's enough, guys, Let's calm down.
00:11:19
No one here is a child.
00:11:21
Everyone- Fight! Fight! Fight!
00:11:31
Now it's fucked up.
00:11:32
FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT.
00:11:36
Hidan and Sasori- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
00:11:41
HIDAN WINS
00:11:44
Anyway, where is my gift?
00:11:47
I didn't buy it.
00:11:48
I'm dead. And if I were alive, I woudn't have bought.
00:11:52
Merciful god, I hope you go back and burn in hell asap.
00:11:56
Heh, I wasn't even there.
00:11:59
Wut? And where was you?
00:12:01
I won't tell.
00:12:05
My Secret Santa is always by my side.
00:12:09
I can count on him for everything.
00:12:12
But he is very different from me.
00:12:14
Even if he is very much alike.
00:12:17
I'd say he's my soulmate.
00:12:21
Ahm. It's.. White... Zetsu?
00:12:24
HMM. No way. HMM.
00:12:26
You got it right. It's White Zetsu.
00:12:28
Weeeeeeeeee
00:12:30
Ih. No way. HMM
00:12:32
What a coincidence. I got you as well.
00:12:36
Ih, it is rigged. It is rigged. It is rigged.
00:12:46
Ooooh, such a coincidence.
00:12:49
I gave you a pan. And you gave me a pan lid.
00:12:52
That's right but is just a coincidence. It's not manipulated.
00:12:58
I just manipulate the Akatsuki and Madara.
00:12:59
What?
00:13:00
Wut?
00:13:00
What?
00:13:01
WHAT?!
00:13:02
Imagine how shitty that would be.
00:13:04
Everyone- Ahahahahahahahahaha
00:13:12
That would ruin the anime.
00:13:14
HMM. What is that voice?
00:13:15
What voice?
00:13:17
My Secret Santa is a ssssstrong boy
00:13:21
and beeeeautiful
00:13:22
Oh, that's me.
00:13:23
with a ssssssmoth sssssskin
00:13:27
with sssssscarlet eyesssssss
00:13:30
with a ni(sssssss)ce body
00:13:34
and ssssssssseeeeexy
00:13:37
with body curvessssss that I'd love to ssssswim over them
00:13:44
Nope, that's not me.
00:13:45
And he has a monumental pair of thighs!
00:13:49
AND A MOUTH I'D LOVE TO PUT MY TONG-
00:13:52
That's enough, Orochimaru.
00:13:54
We know you're talking about Itachi.
00:13:56
Who invited this guy?
00:14:00
[Itachi Horrified]
00:14:03
[SHARINGAN]
00:14:06
AMATERASU
00:14:09
Merciful god, what did he receive?
00:14:12
Coming from Orochimaru, I don't even wanna know.
00:14:15
My Secret Santa...
00:14:18
...killed my girlfriend.
00:14:19
Holy fuck
00:14:19
What a monster.
00:14:21
Whaaaaaat the hell?
00:14:22
What a motherfucker
00:14:23
Aahn, but I guess it was unintented, right?
00:14:29
And he didn't even apologize
00:14:31
No fucking way.
00:14:32
That's horrible.
00:14:33
Oh my God.
00:14:35
If I saw this guy on street, I would kick his ass.
00:14:37
And I would explode this guy. HMM.
00:14:40
Iiiiih but I'm sure he's sorry, guys.
00:14:46
I would even bet that he wants to apologize if he find a way to do so.
00:14:52
And that...
00:14:54
...made me cry a lot.
00:14:56
No one makes my partner cry.
00:14:59
Let's hunt the son of a bitch and let's do it now.
00:15:01
I'm already with my fishmonger in hands. Neeeeh.
00:15:03
You can count on me.
00:15:05
I'm gonna use my five elements on this bastard.
00:15:06
And I'll use the Six Paths.
00:15:08
I'm gonna explode this guy's life.
00:15:11
Don't turn off the Edo Tensei, so I can help.
00:15:13
No one mess with my little Itachi.
00:15:16
Everyone in Sound Village will hunt this guy.
00:15:20
And I will make sure that he stays on hell.
00:15:24
Ameeeeeen.
00:15:26
Pffft. Hahaha.
00:15:28
Hehehehe
00:15:29
Ok, guys. Looks like things escalated quickly here.
00:15:34
I think it's better that we skip this Secret Santa, right?
00:15:38
Nooo, now I wanna know who is this idiot. Neeeeh
00:15:41
Stop it, Kisame. Fucking stop it.
00:15:43
Son of bitch.
00:15:44
My Secret Santa is...
00:15:48
What the hell?
00:15:48
An attack from Leaf Village?
00:15:50
Someone laid a finger on my ass.
00:15:51
Sssorry, I thought you were Itachi.
00:15:53
All right, guys. Unfortunately, we'll never know who was this guy.
00:15:59
Itachi was in a hurry to go to the bathroom.
00:16:04
So, it's my turn now.
00:16:06
My Secret Santa... uhm...
00:16:09
The person I got is someone I like a lot.
00:16:13
She is pretty. And strong.
00:16:16
And her gift is wrapped in paper.
00:16:19
wrapped in PAAAAAAPEEEEER
00:16:23
in PAaAaAPEeEeEeR
00:16:26
PAAAAAAPEEEEEEEER
00:16:28
Her gift is wrapped in paper.
00:16:30
And she is very cute.
00:16:32
Also, she takes care of our company PAPERwork.
00:16:37
Company PAAAAAPEEEERwork that I hope she keeps taking care.
00:16:43
So we can never be in a disagreement
00:16:46
Even because, I like her a lot.
00:16:49
And it would be so sad if we get into a fight.
00:16:52
Here it is.
00:16:54
Thanks.
00:16:55
And now, who did Konan get-
00:16:57
I got Orochimaru. Here it is.
00:17:00
Aaaaaaawn
00:17:02
I liked ssssso much
00:17:04
If you want more, ask me by Whatsapp.
00:17:06
Here is my number.
00:17:08
Ssssssensssssational
00:17:11
I'm gonna ask for a Sasuke's one.
00:17:13
And with that, we have reached the end of another Secret Santa.
00:17:17
I would say it was a pleasure.
00:17:19
But it wasn't.
00:17:21
It was PAINFUL.
00:17:23
Anyway, you're dismissed.
00:17:25
Except for you, Kakuzu.
00:17:27
You stay.
00:17:29
Guys, before you leave
00:17:32
there's something really important that you need to do.
00:17:35
Everybody, gather here so we can pray to our Lord Jarcoq
00:17:38
Oh, nooooooo.
00:17:39
LORD JARCOOOOOQ
00:18:53
Reverted dimensional hickey...
00:19:08
Ahmmm...
00:19:11
...I'm sorry
