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I am
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disappointed I am disappointed in the
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fact that as a society and as
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individuals we have moved from a
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framework of being curious about one
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another to a framework of being
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judgmental about one another when we
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judge others it's primarily on the
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Foundation of differences these
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differences can be related to things
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such as race gender sexual orientation
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class age but these differences can also
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be cultural and that's what I would like
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to focus on so to better understand and
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to be curious about cultural differences
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I think we need to talk about two
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important Concepts number one what
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exactly is culture and number two what
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is the cycle of
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socialization let's start with the
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concept of culture I'm an instructor of
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Multicultural leadership and when I ask
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my students what is culture the typical
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responses I get are the tangible forms
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of culture which can include things like
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clothing music and food but in reality
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clothing is so much more than the
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tangible things we can see hear and
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feel these aspects are just the tip of
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the culture
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Iceberg but what about everything below
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the water that we can't see Edgard shine
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a world-renowned expert on
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organizational culture explains that the
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culture of a group can be defined as the
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accumulated shared learning of that
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group as it solves its problems of
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external adaptation and internal
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integration which has worked well enough
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to be considered valid therefore to be
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taught to its new members as their
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correct way to perceive think feel and
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behave in relation to those problems in
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other words culture is everywhere yes
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it's the things at the tip of the
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iceberg but it's also so much more
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culture is the entire way of life for a
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group it's how a group perceives thinks
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feels and behaves as it navigates
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throughout Society so where does the
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cycle come into play well let me ask you
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a few questions have you ever asked
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yourself why you perceive think feel and
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behave in a certain way I mean truly how
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often do we take the time to
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self-reflect about where our thoughts
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and actions stem from how and why do we
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navigate the problems of the world in a
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particular demeanor while the cycle of
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socialization gives us a conceptual
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framework that helps us understand the
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how and the why so in the beginning of
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the cycle of socialization we we are
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born into this world with no
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preconceived notions of the many
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differences we talked about earlier
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however as we are surrounded by the
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individuals we are most dependent upon
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and spend the most time with we
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experience our first
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socialization we start to adopt their
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feelings their perceptions of the world
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and then we see these feelings and
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perceptions manifesting either
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congruently or in congruently B because
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because of the institutional structures
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we are introduced to our school systems
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places of worship things we see in here
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in the media the legal system are all
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example examples of the structures in
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society that contribute to shaping our
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point of view as we begin to see the
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norms and Notions of what Society
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expects we encounter a bombardment of
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both positive and negative enforcements
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that reinforces the messages we received
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earlier
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as a result of these enforcements we are
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conditioned in a manner that dictates
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how we should again perceive think feel
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and behave as we navigate throughout
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Society at this point we are a product
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of
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socialization and we are left with
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really just two options option one is to
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continue the cycle that perpetuates the
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status quo because at the core of it all
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we are either ignorant in in Secure
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confused oblivious or fearful of what
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happens if we choose option two and
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option two is to disrupt that cycle and
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to take action towards
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change I know that the cycle is a lot to
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grasp and take in so I want to tell you
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a story a story to help explain how the
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cycle of socialization occurred in the
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life of someone with a culture and
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identity that fell outside of what we
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would consider the norm this is the
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story of a good friend of mine and for
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the sake of anonymity I'll use the name
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John to talk about his
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experience let me Begin by giving you
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some contextual facts about John John is
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the son of immigrants who left their
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home to escape their War torn country
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with the hopes of pursuing what we would
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call The American Dream John grew up in
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a small rural community where less than
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1% of the population looked like him
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John can also be considered an ESL ESL
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stands for English as a second language
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now what does this all look like in the
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cycle right well John was born into this
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world with no preconceived notions of
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the many differences we talked about
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earlier and John experienced his first
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socialization when he was surrounded by
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his family members he noticed the hard
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work ethic of his mother and father the
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studious nature of his brothers and the
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deep sense of pride in their culture as
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they
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celebrated traditions and holidays
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throughout the year however once John
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became old enough to enter the school
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system he quickly realized that his
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first socialization wasn't congruent
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with society's
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expectations he realized that he was
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different and that there were
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differences and that these differences
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would be the center of attention for all
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the new people introduced into his life
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moving forward and based off of these
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differences alone he started to get
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treated as
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another in the classroom there were
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always Chuckles and laughter as the
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teacher would try to pronounce his name
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for roll call because they couldn't
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pronounce his name they ended up giving
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him a whole new name in
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general because English wasn't his
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primary language his peers knew he
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struggled with reading and writing so as
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the class would read a textbook out loud
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and popcorn to take turns they would
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continuously call on him to read so they
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can laugh while he
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struggled when everyone found out that
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his parents did hair and nails for a
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living they often judged and made
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stereotypical jokes as if their
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profession and methods for providing for
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their family were less than he
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experienced these various forms of
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negative enforcements every single day
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the constant mental and physical
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harassment that continuously that he
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continuously suffered reinforced the
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notion that there was a correct way to
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perceive think feel and behave as he
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navigated throughout society as a result
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he wanted nothing more than to fit in
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with the Norms so he abandoned
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everything that would distinguish him as
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different he begged his parents to buy
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him the clothes that the popular
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students were wearing or to buy the
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things that they all had so he could
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blend in as best as he could he was
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quick to stop eating the food that his
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mother and father cooked every single
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night not because he didn't like the
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taste because of what it represented a
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different culture he stopped speaking
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his native language and eventually lost
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the ability and confidence to speak the
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language
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altogether he was embarrassed of his
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family and he was embarrassed of the
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culture of his people he even went as
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far as abandoning his given name and
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adopting the name that the teachers gave
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him in the school
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system now what those teachers and
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students didn't know about John is that
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his name held significant cultural
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meaning to his family you see when
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John's mom was pregnant his grandmother
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was terminally ill but John's
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grandmother promised his mom that she
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would live long enough to see the birth
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of her
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grandchild and that's what she did on on
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June 26th 1994 John was born it was
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actually his grandmother who named him
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and moments later she passed away that
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very same day in their native language
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John's name means Phoenix and mythology
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tells us that as a phoenix dies it
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obtains New Life by rising from the
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ashes of its
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predecessor for a majority of John's
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life he would continue the cyclical
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nature of the cycle abandoning stories
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like this and everything to do with his
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culture out of the fear of being judged
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so why does John's story matter well I
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often think about John and his story and
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I wonder what would it look like if
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people were more culturally curious
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rather than
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judgmental maybe in the classroom the
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teachers and peers took the time to ask
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can you help me pronounce your name and
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maybe that leads to John explaining the
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story of his name and its connection to
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their culture and family history
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maybe instead of judging John the fact
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that John's uh primary language wasn't
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English maybe his peers celebrated his
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ability to speak multiple languages
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maybe that results in johon being able
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to communicate and build meaningful
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relationships with his family members
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who don't speak
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English maybe instead of belittling the
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profession of his parents John would be
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given the space to tell the stories of
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everything that they had had to overcome
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and accomplish to provide a better life
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for their family and don't these Mayes
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sound like things worth
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celebrating in order to make room to
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celebrate these things we need to be
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curious so what does that look like how
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might one become more
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Curious I don't think there's one
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specific answer but I think it starts
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with asking
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questions being a little bit vulnerable
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sharing your story every chance you get
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and appreciating the way that others
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share their stories with you and
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ultimately being okay with being
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uncomfortable it's not always easy to be
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curious but it's vital in order to
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create and sustain a community that
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acknowledges appreciates and celebrates
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differences if you haven't guessed it
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yet I am John and that was and still is
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my story I told you this story because I
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wanted to show you all how real and
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prevalent a cycle of socialization is
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and how it causes us to judge others
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based on
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differences instead of being curious
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about those differences I told you this
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story because for my entire life I have
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conformed to the cycle of socialization
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and accepted the status quo but this is
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a step towards disrupting that cycle by
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sharing my story I want to leave you all
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with one final
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sentiment when we lose our cultural
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curiosity we start accepting things as
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the norm giving ourselves permission to
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judge everything that does not fit that
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criteria so let's reframe that narrative
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and give ourselves permission to be
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curious thank
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[Applause]
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you