00:00:00
Transcriber: Cristina Muñoz
Reviewer: Raúl Higareda
00:00:07
Picture this,
00:00:09
you’re going on a boat trip,
00:00:12
and you get on board with your family,
and you got your bags,
00:00:16
and the captain comes out
to greet you and says,
00:00:19
“Hi, Um... My name is
Montana... Von Fliss.
00:00:24
Uh, so... I’ll be your captain
for this journey...
00:00:27
(Exhales)
00:00:28
So, uh...
00:00:30
(Laughter)
00:00:31
Oh, boy... Let’s just have
a great trip. Sorry.”
00:00:34
(Laughter)
00:00:36
Nope. Get me off of this boat.
00:00:39
(Laughter)
00:00:40
What we want in that moment
is for the captain to walk out and say,
00:00:44
“Hi, my name is Montana Von Fleiss,
I’ll be your captain for this journey.
00:00:49
Let’s have a great trip.”
00:00:52
The point is, when you are the speaker,
you are the captain for that journey,
00:00:57
and how you show up really matters.
00:01:00
For the last 17 years,
00:01:02
I’ve coached thousands
of speakers all over the world,
00:01:05
from big tech companies to small startups,
00:01:08
and everyone, from new hires
to CEOs of Fortune 500 companies,
00:01:14
want to know,
how do you show up and look confident?
00:01:18
So I’d like to share my top five tips
for how to be confident,
00:01:22
even if you’re not.
00:01:24
So let's break it down.
00:01:25
What was the difference
between those two captains?
00:01:28
What did you see? What did you hear?
00:01:30
And not just, “One seemed nervous,
one seemed confident.”
00:01:35
But what was I doing differently
to make you think that?
00:01:39
Different volume, different words,
certainly different body language.
00:01:45
But the truth is,
I wasn’t feeling particularly confident.
00:01:50
I was just making certain physical
and vocal choices to make you think that.
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You can do that too.
00:01:57
Anyone can do this.
00:01:59
So, what are those
confident-looking choices?
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Number one.
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Turn up the energy and speak up.
00:02:07
When you speak up,
even just a little bit,
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it reads as confident,
and you don’t have to shout.
00:02:13
Think about it this way.
On a scale of 1 to 10, aim for a 5.
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Yes, it goes to 11,
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(Laughter)
00:02:23
but you can just aim for a five.
I’m here at a five right now.
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I can bring it back down to a three here.
Nervous captain was here.
00:02:30
And we bring it back up to a five,
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and it sounds prepared,
positive, and confident.
00:02:36
So turn up the energy and speak up.
00:02:39
Number two.
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Pause... like a boss.
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(Laughter)
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Nervous speakers
tend to talk really fast, right?
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And when they do have a pause,
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they fill it in
with verbal filler, likes and ums.
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However, if you try to speak more slowly,
it just sounds like this, right?
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And that's not better.
00:03:01
So instead, make strategic pauses.
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Pause in transition.
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Pause for emphasis.
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Pause... like a boss.
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(Laughter)
00:03:12
Number three.
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Superhero stance.
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Imagine you are a superhero.
You can do it from your chair.
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How would a superhero sit?
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Yes. Let that change
your posture. I see you. Yes.
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Let that bring a smile to your face
and have some better eye contact.
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All of that reads as confident,
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and pretending to be a superhero
is just a super quick way
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to have confident-looking body language.
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Now, this one also goes to 11.
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(Laughter)
00:03:48
But you can just aim for a five,
and that will be great.
00:03:52
Tuck in that cape and go save the day.
00:03:56
And you can stand in superhero backstage
to boost your confidence,
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but I’m saying
bring that superhero stance on stage
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so that your audience
sees you as confident.
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And if you need an easy shortcut,
just make the shape.
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Just make the shape of a confident person.
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The audience cannot read your mind.
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They don’t know how you’re feeling,
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so just make the shape
and they will go with it.
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Like, if you came over
to my house for dinner
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and I opened up the door
and I was like,
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“Hi, come on in, we’re having chicken.”
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(Laughter)
00:04:32
You’d be like, “Oh, is this a bad time?”
00:04:34
(Laughter)
00:04:36
You know, you’ve got to make
the shape of a good host.
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Make the smile shape, right?
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Instead of crossed arm shape, open up.
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“Hi, welcome. Come on in.”
00:04:48
If you’re not sure if you’re making
confident-looking choices,
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you can just video yourself
and watch it back.
00:04:57
I feel like I just saw you say,
“Um, not doing that one.”
00:05:00
(Laughter)
00:05:01
I know most people don’t like
to watch themselves, I get it.
00:05:05
But wouldn’t you rather...
00:05:07
make that adjustment
before you’re in front of your audience?
00:05:12
Yes.
00:05:13
Videoing yourself is
a great way to check in
00:05:16
to see that you’re doing the techniques,
00:05:18
but also to see
that it’s still authentically you,
00:05:21
your version of confident captain.
00:05:25
Now, how can you do
all of these things on performance day?
00:05:30
Number four.
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Practice with purpose.
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So, make yourself a rehearsal schedule.
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Put it in your calendar.
00:05:38
You can give yourself a little treat
when you do a run through.
00:05:42
And make it practice with purpose
by giving yourself a specific goal
00:05:47
or layering in one new
confident captain technique each day.
00:05:52
If it’s a week before your event,
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aim to run it all the way through
at least once a day.
00:05:59
If you have no time for a run through,
just take the opening and closing,
00:06:02
and run that three times
in a row from anywhere.
00:06:05
When you’re in the shower,
when you’re walking your dog,
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when you’re making a meal for your kids.
00:06:10
I know my kids are very used to me walking
around the house talking to myself.
00:06:15
Whatever you need to do
to get in those repetitions.
00:06:20
And don’t be afraid of over practice.
00:06:24
Don't let that stop you.
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You can just let go of your verbatim
script if it’s starting to sound robotic.
00:06:31
And you can still use
bullet point speaker notes
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to remind yourself
of what you would like to say
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and to invite you to say it a little bit
differently each time to keep it fresh.
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And let me be clear,
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by practice, I mean
standing up, saying it out loud,
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imagining your audience
and inviting them in,
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clicking through your slides,
00:06:56
doing it as much
like it will be on the day,
00:06:59
whether it’s virtual or in person.
00:07:02
And I know it might feel a little funny
saying it out loud to yourself,
00:07:08
but think about
when you learn a new sport,
00:07:12
or when you practice
a musical instrument.
00:07:15
If you had a piano concert on Friday,
and you got new music on Monday,
00:07:20
would you only read your music every day
00:07:23
and then play it for the very first time
at the concert on Friday?
00:07:27
No way.
00:07:28
And yet,
I see speakers do this all the time.
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Give yourself a chance.
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Practice helps everything.
00:07:37
And it can really boost your confidence
to practice with purpose
00:07:42
by layering in
one new technique each day.
00:07:48
Okay, those first four techniques,
they’re all about how to appear confident,
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regardless of how you’re feeling.
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I’ve got one more technique for you,
and it’s a big one.
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But this is the real gem.
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It's the one that makes
all the others shine.
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This is number five, the silent sentence.
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This is about
what you choose to tell yourself.
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I’ve been a professional actor
since I was a kid,
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and I have always loved
going on stage as an actor,
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as a speaker, as an emcee.
00:08:25
And, at the same time,
I have often been not just nervous,
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sometimes downright terrified
to step on a stage.
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I’m shaking, I’m sweating, and I’m like,
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“What was I thinking?
Why do I do this to myself?”
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And all these unhelpful voices flood in.
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And I just tried to make it stop,
push it away.
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And of course that never worked.
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And I kept going on stage
because I love it.
00:08:55
And years later,
when I became a speaker coach,
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I got asked to do
all these professional presentations,
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and they went well,
00:09:03
but I still had no way to deal
with that massive anxiety.
00:09:08
And I was like, “What can I do?”
00:09:11
And I thought, “Well,
what am I telling myself?”
00:09:16
“What if you mess up?
You better be perfect.”
00:09:20
I realized I was giving myself
an impossible instruction to be perfect.
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And that really was not working.
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But what would work?
What would be a better message?
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And to figure that out,
I had to go back to square one.
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Like, what do I want?
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Why did I say yes to this speaking gig?
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What is my deeper purpose here?
00:09:45
And I realized at the heart of it,
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I just want to help my audience
to the best of my ability.
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And when I said that,
I noticed everything change.
00:09:59
And that's where I found
my first silent sentence.
00:10:03
I want to help my audience
to the best of my ability.
00:10:07
When I said it, even silently to myself,
it acted like this override switch.
00:10:12
Like I might still be
shaking and sweating,
00:10:14
but now I have this higher goal,
this deeper purpose,
00:10:18
and everything aligned to that.
00:10:20
And that became my highest priority.
00:10:22
I want to help you.
00:10:24
And now, that thought
replaced those unhelpful thoughts
00:10:27
and everything went better
in my performance.
00:10:31
And I was like, “Yes, it worked. Yay!”
00:10:37
And then I was like, “Wait,
how do I do this every time?
00:10:42
Especially when the stakes are high.”
00:10:45
And it dawned on me,
00:10:47
if I’m writing and crafting
the words I say out loud,
00:10:51
why not write and craft
the words I say silently to myself?
00:10:56
Put it in the script.
It’s the silent part of the script.
00:11:02
So now, every time I rehearse,
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every time I walk onto a stage,
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every time I join a virtual meeting,
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I say the following,
new and evolved silent sentence,
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“I invite you to be here with me
while I am here with you
00:11:24
so that I can make this easier for you.”
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Now, that invitation
to myself to be present,
00:11:36
that’s my definition of stage presence,
00:11:38
being present.
00:11:41
And that invitation to the audience
to be my partner,
00:11:44
that reminds me,
these are friends, not foes.
00:11:48
And I am choosing to be here.
00:11:50
And now I’m not just making
the shape of a good host.
00:11:53
I really am a good host because
I am genuinely welcoming you to my world.
00:12:01
Now, how do you go about
finding your silent sentence?
00:12:06
What do you want?
00:12:08
What's your deeper purpose?
00:12:11
You could be like me,
and you might just want to help people.
00:12:15
Or it could be something more specific.
00:12:17
For example, you might want
at least one person in your audience
00:12:21
to walk out and take a CPR class.
00:12:25
Or maybe you’re just super excited
to have this experience
00:12:28
or share with them some cool solution
you have for their problem.
00:12:33
You get to fill in the blank
and decide what you want to accomplish.
00:12:39
And this is not about graduating
to some higher level of being
00:12:44
where you never again feel nervous.
00:12:47
Yeah, I know I haven't.
00:12:49
I was feeling it pretty big
about 15 minutes ago
00:12:52
(Laughter)
00:12:54
while getting ready
to walk on this stage.
00:12:56
And I am, and probably always will be
a recovering perfectionist.
00:13:05
That is a well-worn pathway in my brain.
00:13:08
It is there, it exists,
it cannot be erased.
00:13:12
But now I have this other pathway.
00:13:16
And when big moments
like this come up, I get to choose.
00:13:20
And that's what I was doing
back there in the wings.
00:13:23
I was choosing to gently insist
on repeating my silent sentence
00:13:29
to set myself up for success.
00:13:34
What we tell ourselves really matters.
00:13:37
We follow
our own instructions all day long.
00:13:40
Our whole selves are always listening.
00:13:44
So when you notice
something isn’t going well,
00:13:46
or you’re fearing something
might not go well in the future,
00:13:50
use this checklist.
00:13:53
What am I telling myself?
00:13:56
What's being broadcast?
00:14:00
Then replace that with a better sentence
00:14:04
to help set you up
for where you’d like to go.
00:14:08
And most importantly,
put it in the script and practice it.
00:14:12
Practice it just as much
as the words you say out loud.
00:14:15
So if you’re running your intro
in the shower three times in a row,
00:14:19
it would go silent bit, out loud bit,
silent, out loud, silent, out loud,
00:14:23
until it is inextricably linked
00:14:27
and it is just a part of your process,
00:14:30
and it is repeatable and reliable.
00:14:34
And then it’s just there
for you when you need it.
00:14:38
Now, I want to leave you
with this final thought.
00:14:42
When you’re at home
00:14:43
and you’re practicing
some of these techniques,
00:14:46
like turn up the energy and speak up,
00:14:48
pause like a boss,
00:14:52
superhero stance,
00:14:55
practice with purpose,
and your silent sentence,
00:15:00
please know that it might feel
uncomfortable at first because it’s new
00:15:04
and that is normal.
00:15:06
But think back to when I was demonstrating
the nervous captain at the top.
00:15:09
How did that make you feel?
00:15:12
And then when the confident captain
came out, “Oh, what a relief.
00:15:16
Now I can just sit back
and enjoy the ride.”
00:15:19
Remember that feeling of safety
you had as an audience member
00:15:23
and bring that into
your next rehearsal.
00:15:25
You can give that gift to your audience.
00:15:29
Reach outside your comfort zone
to make your audience feel safe
00:15:34
by making the choices
of a confident captain.
00:15:39
And who knows?
00:15:41
You might even have fun.
00:15:44
Have a great trip.
00:15:47
(Cheers and applause)
