00:00:01
And so he's like, "What are we doing
00:00:04
today?" I say, "I'm getting my tubes
00:00:06
tied." And he's shocked. He looks at my
00:00:08
partner and says, "How can you let that
00:00:12
happen? Is it okay with you?" I wouldn't
00:00:16
let my wife do that.
00:00:18
I have never at any point in my life
00:00:22
felt like I needed children to feel
00:00:27
whole or that I was missing something.
00:00:28
[Music]
00:00:31
They all know everything better than you
00:00:33
and they know you'll regret it in 10 or
00:00:34
15 years at the latest and then you'll
00:00:36
be old in a retirement home and your
00:00:41
career doesn't come visit you.
00:00:44
[Music]
00:00:48
There's a family reunion happening in
00:00:51
the Laitz region. Claudia's sister and
00:00:53
her children live far away in Bremen.
00:00:55
That's all the more reason for Claudia
00:00:57
to enjoy it when she sees them back in
00:00:59
their old home.
00:01:04
Have I caught something? Lucky you.
00:01:04
And I didn't help. That's right.
00:01:10
Claudia loves her sister's children.
00:01:13
Camila, the little one, is 5 years old
00:01:15
and her godchild.
00:01:17
Claudia has a partner she lives with,
00:01:19
but having children of her own has never
00:01:21
been a personal ambition.
00:01:24
[Laughter]
00:01:27
Never. Not even to this day. I'm 40
00:01:30
years old now. I've never had a doubt,
00:01:32
not even a little one, that I should be
00:01:35
a mom.
00:01:36
Aunt Claudia, it's your turn.
00:01:41
Sorry, Camila. Of course,
00:01:42
Blue.
00:01:44
And somehow it was just always like
00:01:46
that. They didn't talk about marriage
00:01:48
and children right away. Or did you make
00:01:50
up your mind a long time ago?
00:01:53
Definitely. I keep thinking about that
00:01:55
play we put on for our parents. Can you
00:01:57
still remember when we looked into the
00:02:00
future? I portrayed myself as a career
00:02:02
woman in a big city and you somehow
00:02:07
lived on a farm with lots of kids.
00:02:10
[Music]
00:02:13
Yeah. And we said 20 years from then,
00:02:16
right? Yes. That's exactly how the play
00:02:22
went and it eventually became reality.
00:02:22
That's why I'm saying I've known the
00:02:26
whole time that you've always been like
00:02:28
that. What's important to me is that I
00:02:30
see you're happy. And if the decision
00:02:32
makes you happy, then that's the way it
00:02:35
is.
00:02:37
[Music]
00:02:40
Yeah.
00:02:43
I always envisioned for myself a husband
00:02:48
and children. And time will tell whether
00:02:52
that's fulfilled now or not.
00:02:53
I could easily imagine having lots of
00:02:57
children. Family is central to me and
00:02:59
important and it's always felt like part
00:03:03
of life.
00:03:05
[Music]
00:03:13
Two different choices, but not without
00:03:16
challenges. Society imposes restrictive
00:03:18
expectations upon women, especially
00:03:20
regarding pregnancy, by telling women
00:03:24
they have to become moms.
00:03:26
In my case, I was actually asked many
00:03:31
times when I was going to have a child
00:03:34
and when we were getting married. And
00:03:36
yeah,
00:03:38
even a gynecologist told me I should
00:03:40
stop using birth control as soon as I
00:03:43
was past the age of 30 and I must have
00:03:45
children.
00:03:47
I really had the whole spectrum. Some
00:03:50
people just asked, but others really
00:03:52
apply a lot more pressure than just a
00:03:54
simple question.
00:03:57
They say now you have to have children
00:04:01
and that's the way it has to be.
00:04:02
But there's always something to moan
00:04:06
about or that people have to criticize.
00:04:08
In my case, back when I was 27 and was
00:04:11
living in lower Saxony, it was a little
00:04:14
different there. I often heard now so
00:04:17
soon at 27 already at such a young age,
00:04:20
why don't you wait a bit longer? Then
00:04:21
there were people who got upset when I
00:04:23
was breastfeeding. There are always
00:04:25
people who find something to complain
00:04:28
about.
00:04:28
Anuka, which isn't her real name, lives
00:04:33
in Hala, and she doesn't want children
00:04:34
either.
00:04:37
The 34year-old IT specialist wants her
00:04:39
tubes tied. She describes getting the
00:04:44
procedure like running a gauntlet.
00:04:44
I called about 20 doctor's offices in
00:04:49
Lip.
00:04:51
Most of them laughed at me.
00:04:53
Really? The receptionist would laugh and
00:04:56
say, "Yes, come back when you're 35 and
00:04:58
have two children."
00:05:00
Or, "Haha, how many children do you
00:05:03
already have?" I found it horrifying
00:05:05
even in such a big city in a university
00:05:08
town like Leish. I would have expected
00:05:09
that back home.
00:05:12
Ana grew up in a small town in Bavaria,
00:05:14
but it was clear to everyone that her
00:05:18
life would look differently.
00:05:19
More than anything else, the society
00:05:24
around me made me feel like it has to
00:05:26
happen at some point. Whether you want
00:05:29
it or not, that's the normal. You go to
00:05:31
school, you graduate, you get your
00:05:32
driver's license, you go to university,
00:05:34
and then you get married and have
00:05:37
children. There's nothing else.
00:05:40
Women must become mothers. It's a deeply
00:05:42
ingrained idea that's been passed on for
00:05:46
generations and centuries.
00:05:47
But where did it originally come from?
00:05:55
Marriage was about producing offspring
00:06:00
either to ensure personal success or
00:06:03
secure income. So women and families
00:06:05
were dependent on children too. They
00:06:08
also worked back in those days. If women
00:06:11
were unable to have children, so if a
00:06:13
marriage remained childless, so to
00:06:15
speak, it was exclusively for medical
00:06:18
reasons. And if that happened, society
00:06:21
always blamed the woman. The man was
00:06:22
never at fault. If there were no
00:06:24
children at all, it often led to
00:06:26
divorce. And childless women were
00:06:29
devalued with terms like old maid, which
00:06:32
were around for a long time. That
00:06:34
happened whenever a woman couldn't take
00:06:36
on the role of mother for whatever
00:06:39
reason.
00:06:40
These outdated patterns survived World
00:06:45
War II, especially in the Federal
00:06:49
Republic of Germany. Even in 1969, some
00:06:51
men still had difficulty accepting their
00:06:55
wives could work.
00:06:55
It's fine as long as the household
00:06:58
doesn't suffer, but I found that it
00:07:02
doesn't work in the long run.
00:07:03
So, if a housewife can manage it with
00:07:06
the children or her husband allows her
00:07:08
to, why shouldn't she go to work?
00:07:10
Even if it's just to earn pocket money
00:07:14
or to buy a dress on the side.
00:07:15
If the husband is working, I would of
00:07:18
course say the wife should stay home,
00:07:22
especially if there are children.
00:07:24
I think that's right just for the simple
00:07:26
reason that it helps to raise women's
00:07:28
self-confidence. So, it's appropriate in
00:07:31
terms of equal rights.
00:07:34
Back then, if a wife wanted to work, she
00:07:38
earned supplemental income for the
00:07:41
family budget.
00:07:43
The jobs were simple, part-time, and
00:07:46
relegated to tasks described as women's
00:07:49
work.
00:07:50
But at the end of the 1960s, this
00:07:57
part-time work increased significantly.
00:08:00
Away from the stove. That's the slogan.
00:08:04
Part-time and temporary work for women
00:08:06
is on the rise. According to the INFAS
00:08:09
Institute in Godbag, for the most part,
00:08:11
men are objecting instead of offering
00:08:13
their support. Young housewives have
00:08:15
seized the opportunity as a bridge
00:08:19
between homemaking and equal rights.
00:08:22
Anuka has clear opinions about why this
00:08:24
image of women is so deeply ingrained
00:08:27
for some people.
00:08:29
there's a strong emphasis on the
00:08:33
religious image of the mother Mary and
00:08:36
so on and Germany is a very Christian
00:08:40
country. I come from Bavaria too and the
00:08:43
Nazis also use that image of the mother
00:08:45
and that still has a huge impact on us
00:08:47
today.
00:08:49
The Nazis saw women exclusively as
00:08:51
mothers.
00:08:53
They wanted them at the center of the
00:08:55
family system.
00:08:58
In this role, they were idealized in an
00:09:01
almost religious way. Women were pushed
00:09:03
out of top professions, universities,
00:09:06
and politics. Instead, the image of the
00:09:08
mother was aggressively depicted, while
00:09:10
housewifeely and maternal achievements
00:09:15
were honored with awards like medals.
00:09:17
The woman also has her battlefield. She
00:09:22
fights this battle with every child she
00:09:24
bears. She gives birth to the nation.
00:09:27
That is her fight for the nation. And
00:09:29
the man has his battle. The man asserts
00:09:31
himself for the folk just as the woman
00:09:34
defends the family. The man defends
00:09:36
everything as a whole just as the woman
00:09:37
supports the children she gives birth
00:09:40
to.
00:09:42
Mothers were seen as warriors. According
00:09:45
to Nazi ideology, both the family and
00:09:46
the mother were the cradle of
00:09:49
civilization.
00:09:52
Although I agree with Trika that men
00:09:57
make history,
00:10:00
I do not forget it is women who raise
00:10:05
our boys to become men.
00:10:07
The Nazi state restricted women to the
00:10:11
biological work of making babies,
00:10:13
tending to the home and family while
00:10:15
celebrating them at the same time.
00:10:17
Mother's Day was made into a public
00:10:20
holiday and the mutos medal was awarded
00:10:23
to women who had at least four children.
00:10:25
The role of mother evolved during the
00:10:28
division of postwar Germany. In
00:10:30
communist East Germany, women worked to
00:10:33
ease the shortage of labor.
00:10:35
The state supported this and turned the
00:10:39
working woman into a socialist icon.
00:10:44
[Music]
00:10:45
More women working in production,
00:10:48
turning demand into reality. With every
00:10:49
move, the girls prove that these
00:10:51
professions are not the sole domain of
00:10:53
men. Whether as lathe operators,
00:10:55
locksmiths, or design engineers, they
00:10:57
can learn anything and become anything.
00:10:58
They're equal.
00:11:00
[Music]
00:11:01
Up to now, we've usually honored
00:11:03
activists, and I am a member of the
00:11:06
works union management. When we received
00:11:07
nominations for activists in the past,
00:11:11
it was only ever men, just men. As if
00:11:13
women don't achieve anything. At the
00:11:14
last general meeting, we decided we
00:11:16
would no longer endorse activists if
00:11:20
there were no female nominees.
00:11:21
But the East German government wanted
00:11:25
women to have children, too. So, it
00:11:27
pitched in with child care
00:11:29
infrastructure, including nurseries and
00:11:31
kindergartens.
00:11:34
In the 1970s, it also extended maternity
00:11:38
leave to a year.
00:11:40
But the old models endured. Women were
00:11:44
still caring for the children in home
00:11:49
while working at the same time.
00:11:52
[Music]
00:11:56
In West Germany, wives weren't allowed
00:11:59
to sign employment contracts without
00:12:03
their husband's permission until 1977.
00:12:06
Meanwhile, around 90% of women in East
00:12:10
Germany earned their own money.
00:12:11
That's the environment that Claudia and
00:12:16
her sister were raised in. Their mother,
00:12:18
Christina, juggled work and family for
00:12:21
years in the Laitz region. She says
00:12:23
that's why she has trouble understanding
00:12:25
her daughter's decision not to have
00:12:28
children.
00:12:28
It really shocked me when my mom asked
00:12:33
me what she had done wrong that made me
00:12:36
not want to have children. I thought to
00:12:38
myself, you didn't do anything wrong. On
00:12:41
the contrary, you brought up very
00:12:43
self-confident women. That's why I could
00:12:45
make my decision and my sister could
00:12:49
make hers.
00:12:54
I think everyone has it in them. Every
00:13:00
woman has it in them to have children.
00:13:02
So if she's made a conscious decision
00:13:05
not to do so, I thought, "Oh my, I must
00:13:08
have done something wrong."
00:13:10
That was my first thought. There must
00:13:11
have been something when she said she
00:13:14
didn't want to have children because I
00:13:15
think Claudia would be a good mother,
00:13:18
too.
00:13:19
And at the start I thought, nope,
00:13:23
there's something not right about not
00:13:25
having children.
00:13:26
But now looking back and thinking about
00:13:28
it, everyone is responsible for
00:13:32
themselves. So when Claudia said, "No,
00:13:35
okay, I don't want children." Fine, I
00:13:38
accepted that.
00:13:40
Why can't childlessness be a way of
00:13:43
life, too? We're back to Halle with
00:13:46
Anika and her partner Paul. He has a
00:13:48
godchild and works at a youth club. The
00:13:50
young people here love Paul, but he says
00:13:52
he doesn't necessarily need children of
00:13:56
his own.
00:13:56
I'm not opposed to the idea of having
00:14:00
children in principle, but there are
00:14:02
many reasons that go against it for me.
00:14:04
I like children. I have nothing against
00:14:07
children, but I can't see it. At the
00:14:08
moment, this isn't a world I'd want to
00:14:10
bring children into. I don't envision a
00:14:12
good future for them. There are enough
00:14:15
children.
00:14:16
Many young people feel the same way now.
00:14:21
War and the climate crisis have created
00:14:23
a lot of uncertainty.
00:14:25
Studies show an increasing number of
00:14:27
young people have decided not to have
00:14:30
children.
00:14:30
A 2023 survey of young people in Libish
00:14:37
also confirmed this. 40% of girls and
00:14:39
43% of boys said having children was a
00:14:44
life goal for them at some point.
00:14:44
But back in 2010, nearly twice as many
00:14:49
girls, or 78% felt that way and
00:14:53
significantly more boys.
00:14:54
Anuka has other reasons for choosing to
00:14:59
be childless.
00:14:59
I simply can't do anything with
00:15:04
children. I've tried and forced myself
00:15:06
to interact with kids many times. With
00:15:08
my friend's kids, I worked in elementary
00:15:10
school for half a year or with my
00:15:15
partner's godchild. It just didn't fit.
00:15:16
What are the key reasons why women today
00:15:20
are choosing not to become mothers? Is
00:15:22
it climate change or their career
00:15:24
ambitions?
00:15:27
Social scientists Claudia Ronfeld and
00:15:31
Anat Hosko decided to find out. They
00:15:33
created a study where they asked more
00:15:35
than 1,000 deliberately childless women
00:15:39
why they made that decision.
00:15:40
We asked the women and they responded
00:15:44
with a range of motives. The most
00:15:46
frequently mentioned ones were having
00:15:48
more free time, more or greater
00:15:50
opportunities to achieve their full
00:15:53
potential, and ultimately freedom from
00:15:55
the responsibility of caring for another
00:15:59
person besides themselves.
00:16:01
These were the top three most frequently
00:16:04
mentioned motives, of which 70 to more
00:16:07
than 80% of the respondents agreed.
00:16:09
Their
00:16:11
findings contradict earlier assumptions
00:16:13
that a career was the main reason for a
00:16:16
woman remaining childless. They also
00:16:18
found they were researching a taboo
00:16:20
subject.
00:16:22
It really has to be said we were
00:16:23
actually surprised by the number and
00:16:27
variety of reactions to our work. We
00:16:29
received a lot of encouragement on one
00:16:31
hand, but we also had to deal with
00:16:33
negative, sometimes demeaning comments
00:16:35
on the other.
00:16:37
These were either directed at us
00:16:40
personally or at women who decided not
00:16:43
to have children.
00:16:48
The most striking comment, however, was
00:16:55
one that read, "The last generation will
00:16:58
not be because of climate change.
00:17:00
Women who no longer want to become
00:17:03
mothers are to blame." and the person
00:17:05
ended their statement by writing, "The
00:17:08
German people are dying out."
00:17:10
We saw this in a large number of posts.
00:17:15
You could almost call it a phenomenon.
00:17:15
In the comments, people also kept
00:17:19
questioning who would pay for the
00:17:23
pensions of women who had no children.
00:17:25
First of all, that's an enormously
00:17:27
selfish argument.
00:17:29
I'm not going to have two kids just so
00:17:31
they can become taxpayers.
00:17:33
What kind of pressure is that to exert
00:17:35
on future generations?
00:17:38
If we can't manage it as a society, then
00:17:40
the young should sort it out. That's
00:17:44
inherently unfair.
00:17:46
Um,
00:17:50
maybe we should just improve things and
00:17:54
make it easier for people.
00:17:54
Ana is studying in Lipish. She has
00:17:59
broken away from the expectations of her
00:18:01
Catholic homeland and is choosing to
00:18:03
have her tubes tied.
00:18:04
[Music]
00:18:06
And then I spoke to my gynecologist in
00:18:08
Lipish about it and she said, "No,
00:18:10
absolutely not. Where did you get that
00:18:12
idea? That's not at all possible. You
00:18:13
don't really want to do that." And I was
00:18:15
like, "But this is my body. I want to
00:18:17
decide. That's unfair." And she said,
00:18:19
"It's not unfair. It's experience. All
00:18:23
women want children." At some point,
00:18:25
Anukica was getting nowhere. Meanwhile,
00:18:29
her partner Paul began to research
00:18:32
vasectomies.
00:18:36
He spoke with a urologist.
00:18:36
I asked him if it was possible. He said,
00:18:40
"Do you have children?" I said, "No." He
00:18:41
asked, "Are you sure that's what you
00:18:43
want?" I said, "Yes." "Then we'll make
00:18:45
the appointment." And that was it. The
00:18:47
conversation didn't go any deeper than
00:18:48
that.
00:18:51
But Anukica is determined to have her
00:18:53
tubes tied. An internet map may be
00:18:57
pointing to the solution.
00:18:57
Compiled by two women in Livish, it's a
00:19:02
list of doctors in Germany who will
00:19:05
perform the procedure on women.
00:19:07
My tubilation was super easy. I
00:19:09
contacted two doctor's offices and I was
00:19:12
successful on the second try. I had the
00:19:14
procedure. Everything went well.
00:19:16
According to friends, for another woman
00:19:19
in Englestat, it went the same for her.
00:19:21
She was also in her early 30s, had no
00:19:24
children. The gynecologist said, "That's
00:19:26
no problem. I'll refer you." And then
00:19:28
she had her tubes tied. But I read in
00:19:30
online forums how much work others need
00:19:32
to do to get an appointment and all the
00:19:34
failed attempts they made. And I
00:19:38
thought, why were we so lucky?
00:19:39
Susanna calls doctors and collects their
00:19:42
addresses.
00:19:45
In 2019, the group set up an association
00:19:47
called Selishimil
00:19:50
or self-determined sterile aimed at
00:19:53
closing the gap in care.
00:19:56
Their website has 66 contact points
00:19:59
throughout Germany so far. Susanna and
00:20:01
her fellow campaigners provide hundreds
00:20:04
of other tips. This work centers women's
00:20:06
right to self-determination
00:20:07
and has been an integral part of
00:20:10
Susanna's life since then.
00:20:12
There are two prerequisites before
00:20:14
releasing women from the obligation that
00:20:16
treats womanhood and motherhood as the
00:20:19
same. First, women must be economically
00:20:21
independent and able to support
00:20:24
themselves. Second, it's their choice to
00:20:27
opt out of pregnancy.
00:20:29
Birth control is key in the route to
00:20:31
self-determination.
00:20:34
More than a century ago, Dr. Ulius Moses
00:20:37
said exactly that. He recommended
00:20:39
contraceptive methods to women and
00:20:41
stressed the importance of a woman's
00:20:43
bodily autonomy, saying that women
00:20:45
should be freed from the slavery of
00:20:47
their wombs.
00:20:50
In 1913, catastrophic living and social
00:20:53
conditions pushed Moses to call for a
00:20:55
birth strike to back his demand for
00:20:57
improved maternal and infant
00:21:00
protections.
00:21:01
Social Democrats debated the birth
00:21:07
strike among themselves.
00:21:08
Claraara Zetkin and Rosa Luxembborg
00:21:12
didn't fully support it. The revolution
00:21:14
needed as many children as possible to
00:21:17
create an army of class warriors.
00:21:19
More than 100 years later, and there's
00:21:21
still enormous resistance to women
00:21:24
opting out of motherhood. Susanna has
00:21:27
collected the worst statements.
00:21:29
Only women who are too stupid to use
00:21:31
contraception get their tubes tied. Has
00:21:33
her father agreed to the procedure? You
00:21:35
have to pass on your family's genes to
00:21:39
have a reason for living.
00:21:40
Yes, that's all what people really say.
00:21:48
Friends, family or parents and doctors,
00:21:51
too.
00:21:53
So they all think they can actually talk
00:21:58
you out of it if you say you want to get
00:21:59
sterilized
00:22:02
because they know so much more than you
00:22:03
and they know you'll regret it in 10 or
00:22:06
15 years at the latest. They say you'll
00:22:08
get old, put in a retirement home and
00:22:12
your career won't come visit you.
00:22:13
The women who were interviewed for the
00:22:15
Gara study are familiar with these
00:22:17
reproaches and pressure to explain
00:22:19
themselves.
00:22:21
But the study has dispelled the cliche
00:22:23
that women regret their decision not to
00:22:25
have children. Twothirds of the women
00:22:27
surveyed had decided not to become a
00:22:30
mother before the age of 25 with the
00:22:32
vast majority even making that choice
00:22:36
before their 18th birthday.
00:22:37
That was a part of the data that
00:22:40
surprised me the most when women made
00:22:42
that decision. That means women who
00:22:44
don't want children know it very early
00:22:47
on. They just don't have any desire to
00:22:49
have kids. And there was no way we could
00:22:52
determine that they regretted it 10 or
00:22:55
20 years later.
00:22:58
After years of searching, Anuka found a
00:23:06
doctor in Hala who would tie her tubes.
00:23:08
[Music]
00:23:10
Even though we were there and knew they
00:23:12
could do the procedure, I still had to
00:23:17
discuss it for half an hour.
00:23:17
My partner was asked too. So even though
00:23:22
they took me seriously, the question was
00:23:25
still, yes, what does the man have to
00:23:28
say?
00:23:28
Then she agreed. But I still had to put
00:23:33
all my reasons in writing for her so
00:23:37
that I couldn't come back 10 years later
00:23:41
and complain about it.
00:23:42
Once the procedure was scheduled, which
00:23:47
Anika had to pay for herself, her
00:23:48
decision was still questioned and
00:23:52
criticized, including on operation day.
00:23:53
So, we're sitting with the
00:23:55
anesthesiologist and he sets up and
00:23:56
checks everything again. And so, he's
00:23:59
like, "What are we doing today?" And I
00:24:01
say, "I'm getting my tubes tied." And
00:24:04
he's shocked. He looks at my partner and
00:24:06
says, "How can you let that happen? Is
00:24:08
it okay with you? I wouldn't let my wife
00:24:11
do that.
00:24:15
It's just hugely unfair. That's the main
00:24:20
thing. Even though men and women are
00:24:22
considered equal, we still have massive
00:24:24
areas we must work on.
00:24:26
And one of the biggest issues is
00:24:28
definitely the ability to make decisions
00:24:32
about your own body.
00:24:32
That's still the case for women, whether
00:24:36
they want to get sterilized or are
00:24:38
trying to get an abortion, which is
00:24:43
mostly illegal but not punishable.
00:24:44
When I came to after the anesthesia, I
00:24:49
had my stuffed animal in my arms and I
00:24:51
was just happy. I sobbed. I was so
00:24:54
happy. I asked the nurse again if
00:24:55
everything went okay. She told me, "Yes,
00:24:58
yes. Everything was fine. It worked." I
00:25:01
cried tears of joy, just wept. I was so
00:25:03
happy because I thought, "You finally
00:25:05
made it. Nothing can ever happen to you
00:25:07
again. No matter the situation, you can
00:25:11
never get pregnant. Perfect.
00:25:14
Perfect. I haven't regretted it for a
00:25:19
single day since then.
00:25:22
This year, it'll be six years ago. And
00:25:26
I'm just as happy now as I was before.
00:25:27
The Gara University study showed this as
00:25:33
well. 95% of women surveyed had no
00:25:37
regrets about their decision.
00:25:41
[Music]
