00:00:00
so guys you ready to play laser X Ultra
00:00:02
laser tag oh yeah dude I'm ready to
00:00:04
shoot some stuff
00:00:05
up guys I'm the best at laser X Ultra
00:00:08
laser tag no you're not Cody we just got
00:00:10
it today we haven't even opened it I
00:00:12
know I was just lying to seem cool
00:00:14
that's right now shut up so let's open
00:00:15
up this box and play it guys oh yeah
00:00:17
dude hold on guys I'm getting a call
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from my mommy hello Cody you forgot to
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do your chores this morning come home
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and do them now oh sorry well can't I
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just do them tomorrow no Cody What If
00:00:26
Tomorrow Never Comes what if the sun
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explodes okay well first of all if the
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Sun explodes and the chores won't matter
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and also our sun's not going to explode
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because it's a yellow dwarf in a few
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billion years it's going to expand into
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a red giant and then after that it's
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just going to turn into a white dwarf
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okay smarty pants you spent all your
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time learning about stars instead of
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learning the vegetables what Mom I
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already know my vegetables okay then
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name the green one mom a lot of
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vegetables are green broccoli Cody the
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green one is broccoli mom there are
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other green vegetables and you couldn't
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name a single one now come home and do
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your chores or I'm going to throw away
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all your Laffy Taffy not my Laffy Taffy
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oh okay stupid sometimes I just
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want to kill my mom I feel you bro I
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wish I had two hot gay dads that would
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make out all the time and that's where
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you lost me all right guys I'm going to
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go home and do some stuff uh don't play
00:01:11
laser tag without me but Cody now we
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have to wait on him a man I want to play
00:01:17
laser X Ultra that's so stupid let's
00:01:19
just watch TV until he gets back Jeffy
00:01:22
is only on sale for a little while might
00:01:27
as well go and buy one only on sale for
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a limited time might as well buy aund by
00:01:36
jeffy's
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you right
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now by Jeff
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you right
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now hey everyone there's a Jeffy you's
00:01:47
on sale for a limited time only so go
00:01:50
buy one and enjoy it thank
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you breaking news a serial killer is on
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the loose murderer women a lot of
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women's bodies have been found around
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town and there are currently no leads or
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Persons of Interest oh dud a serial
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killer no way that's crazy I didn't know
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this existed anymore oh dude that's a
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movie yeah it really is hey look Joseph
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we're serial killers because we're
00:02:15
killing cereal you yourself yeah it's
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insane wait you know what's really sad
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there's someone out they're getting
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brutally murdered and we're sitting on
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the couch and we
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Munch like wow like in back really like
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I didn't understand a single thing you
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said Joseph me too hey hey guys I'm back
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let's play laser tag Cody why do you
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have a shovel oh I had to do some chores
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you like look crazy oh yeah well my mom
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wanted me to get rid of this wasp nest
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and I had this bottle of wasp spray but
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then I was about to spray it and then
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the WASP came right at my face so I
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swatted at it and then my glasses fell
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off so then I tried to spray the WASP
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but then I was holding the bottle
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backward so I sprayed myself in the eyes
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so then I'm running around cuz my eyes
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hurt I'm getting stung by wasps and I
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step on a cat's tail and it starts
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scratching me all over my body and then
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my mom wanted me to dig up this Old Time
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Capsule her parents buried back in the
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'90s and I tried to tell her it's not
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going to be there because we don't live
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in the same address as you did when you
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were a kid but she wouldn't listen so I
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had to dig up the whole yard and
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obviously I didn't find it so I've just
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had a hell of a day you guys eating
00:03:18
Lucky Charms yeah we were watching the
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news there's a serial killer going
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around killing women oh that's crazy
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like dead Bundy wait that's crazy that
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you know another serial killer that
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would kill women well I mean he's he's
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pretty popular and it's even crazier
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that you have a shovel dude yeah well I
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explained the Time Capsule thing right I
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don't know it's just a convenient story
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though yeah it's really weird you also
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said right before you left that you
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wanted to kill your mom and you weren't
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gone that long mhm wait you guys don't
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think I killed my mom yeah see kind of
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you have a shovel you're covered in
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scratches like someone was fighting back
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no this is from the chores your eyes are
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holding secrets that you can't tell dude
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yeah you have some crazy look in your
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eyes well no guys I I told you what
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happened so if you called your mom right
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now she'd answer well yeah but please
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don't make me she's going to make me go
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look for the Time Capsule again I think
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you should your mom want to call that
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okay fine I'll get my phone okay I'm
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calling my mom put it on speaker so we
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can hear okay yeah wait Dad wait Cody
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what the hell you want where's Mom I
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don't know the last time I saw her she
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was outside with you yeah yeah she
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wanted to show me a wasp nest and show
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me where the time Caple was buried look
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I don't know anything about all that I'm
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just sitting here with my dick hard
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waiting on my cheese pizza to come bro
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uh okay uh well can you please go find
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Mom but look I'm not getting out this
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damn shower I'm busy wait shower I don't
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hear the shower running because you know
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how much water is Cody I'm not wasting
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no damn water wait so you're just
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standing in the shower naked waiting for
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a cheese pizza did you not hear me when
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I said my dick was hard no I heard that
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I was just glossing over it cuz I didn't
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want to think about it well my dick is
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hard and I'm waiting on my cheese pizza
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to come no I got that okay but wait why
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do you have Mom's phone because she
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likes when I make little videos for you
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know surprise kind of like a little peep
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show ew okay look if if you find mom can
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you please just have her call me yeah
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but it's going to be a little minute and
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I'm going to be busy in here until my
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pizza get yeah okay thank you look guys
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my mom's not dead it's just weird she
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didn't answer the phone Cody well you
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heard him he's standing in the shower
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naked with his dick hard waiting for a
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cheese pizza he's crazy it sounds like
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you killed your mom you told your dad to
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cover for you with that story but you
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think I came up with that nobody could
00:05:16
come up with that I'm surprised we did
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it's just really weird Cody because you
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said you wanted to kill your mom your
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mom's not answering your dad has not
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seen your mom since you were there I
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didn't murder my mom H what if we're
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next Joseph I don't want to be next dude
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wait you said he only kills women right
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who the serial killer I didn't even
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think you were that serial killer I
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thought you were your own killer I
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didn't now I think you're that serial
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killer no I'm not any kind of killer
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well you just brought up that you only
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kill women no I don't kill women I don't
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kill anybody I don't know something's
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weird yeah something's uh cuz you had a
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shovel and your mom's missing and I mean
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I don't know maybe your dad killed your
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mom maybe but I didn't wait so your mom
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is dead no she's not dead that's weird
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he would yeah he would have said my
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mom's not dead he said maybe no she's
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not dead I don't think I I I didn't kill
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anybody okay H just wait right here
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Joseph no dude I don't want to die well
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you say you only kill women right I
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don't kill women so Joseph you're
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safe not a killer Junior why' you have
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me come over here so fast and what's
00:06:14
with the knife well we need four players
00:06:16
for our laser X Ultra laser tag game
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Junior that's a two-player game damn it
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it's only two players how are we all
00:06:22
going to play back up penel you don't
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want to be a woman around Cody when he's
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mad what are you talking about they
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think I'm a serial killer oh that's why
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you have the cereal and the knife no
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actually it's cuz he killed his mama I
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didn't kill my mom then why' your dad
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answer your mom's phone and he couldn't
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find your mom my dad wouldn't look for
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her cuz she's dead as hell she's not
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dead oh yeah then where didd you bury
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her I don't know I mean I mean I didn't
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bury her she he doesn't know where he
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buried he forgot where he buried her oh
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my God guys I didn't kill my mom okay
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come on Joseph let's go to Target and
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buy another laser X Ultra so we can have
00:06:52
two more controllers so Penelope you're
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going to be here alone with Cody oh and
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Cody there's a knife right here okay so
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you can cut your lucky charm
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marshmallows in half cuz they're too big
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for you to swallow I don't have a
00:07:05
problem swallowing marshmallows come on
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Joseph so how are you today well I've
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had better days well why do you look
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like that I got scratched by a
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cat um what Junior God damn it what are
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they doing they're waiting for me to
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kill you uh please don't I'm not going
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to they just think I will well can I
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have some cereal sure no but helpi he
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might have poisoned it but how would I
00:07:28
have poisoned it you had was spray that
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you were trying to kill was with maybe
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you sprayed all over the cereal so you
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can kill Penelope I didn't even kill the
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WASP with the spray I got it my own eyes
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very suspicious Cody very suspicious
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listen penel he's a serial killer you
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should probably want to go because he
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kills women I don't kill anybody what
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there's the
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news breaking news another dead woman's
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body has been found but this time it was
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burned beyond recognition you sick son
00:07:56
of a burn beyond recognition you
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let your own mom on fire I didn't light
00:08:01
my mom on fire then who did I don't know
00:08:03
so she is lit on fire no dude we're
00:08:06
dealing with a different type of animal
00:08:07
yeah crazy just psychotic man right here
00:08:10
a mastermind of crime yeah literally
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just not mentally all there I didn't
00:08:15
kill my mom so you're telling me right
00:08:17
now that that body on the news is not
00:08:18
your mom I mean okay there is a very
00:08:21
very and I'm talking an impossibly small
00:08:23
chance that that might be my mom I like
00:08:25
when the truth slowly starts to come out
00:08:27
just pull it out of yeah when you
00:08:28
interrogate a murder they just want to
00:08:29
give you bread but it's not my mom okay
00:08:33
how do you know well I I guess I don't
00:08:35
know for sure but it's not her okay so I
00:08:37
I like how there's a woman out there
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murdered that might be your mom and
00:08:40
you're not running home looking for her
00:08:41
you're not calling your mom or dad again
00:08:43
well that's because I don't think it's
00:08:44
her just emotionally numb dude yeah you
00:08:46
just have no emotions or feeling or
00:08:48
worry in the world oh I have emotions
00:08:50
you're pissing me off well there's a
00:08:51
woman right here and I kind of want to
00:08:52
be single what here's a knife what you
00:08:55
guys sound more psychotic than I do
00:08:56
you're the one who may or may not be a
00:08:58
mom killer and we you just want to know
00:09:00
I'm not going to I didn't I didn't kill
00:09:02
anyone okay why why I kill your
00:09:03
girlfriend too God damn that's weird he
00:09:05
just wanted to kill you no I said I'm
00:09:06
not going to kill her I said I'm not
00:09:08
going to back back up that I wouldn't do
00:09:11
it I'll protect you baby you want me to
00:09:12
do it I'm not going to do it he's just
00:09:14
talking to himself he has voices oh he's
00:09:15
losing it dude yeah I'm going to go make
00:09:17
a phone call I'm going to go order a
00:09:19
pizza wait don't call the if you call
00:09:21
the cops I'm going to be pissed I said
00:09:22
I'm ordering a pizza you're so you're so
00:09:24
like worried oh bro he's on air yeah you
00:09:26
really keep you keep thinking people are
00:09:27
going to call the cops on you no one's
00:09:28
calling the cops on you buddy you're so
00:09:30
paranoid only a murderer would be that
00:09:31
paranoid I'm going to go order a pizza
00:09:33
he's calling the cops hey there somebody
00:09:34
call the cops God damn it Junior I knew
00:09:36
you called the cops Dad I'm scared so
00:09:38
you're the guy who's been going around
00:09:39
killing women huh no I didn't then what
00:09:41
are those scratches from I got scratched
00:09:43
by a cat he doesn't even have a pet cat
00:09:45
it was a stray well I would arrest him
00:09:47
for lying okay well I'd like to arrest
00:09:49
him but I don't have enough evidence cuz
00:09:51
I'm already supposed to be on
00:09:52
administrative leave cuz I tried to
00:09:53
arrest Tyreek hill before his football
00:09:55
game yeah I had the Jaguars money line I
00:09:57
was trying to make some cash off of it
00:09:58
anyway I can't arrest him unless I have
00:10:00
enough evidence well he did have a muddy
00:10:01
shovel that's suspicious I was trying to
00:10:03
dig up a time capsule that sounds like a
00:10:05
lie he did say he wanted to murder his
00:10:07
mom because of he didn't want to do his
00:10:09
chores but I didn't though yeah that is
00:10:11
pretty suspicious and then I told him to
00:10:12
call his mom to prove she was alive his
00:10:14
dad answered with his dig okay but he
00:10:16
was he was waiting for a cheese pizza
00:10:18
okay well I don't get that excited over
00:10:19
a cheese pizza I might pop half a chub
00:10:21
over some pepperoni though but that is
00:10:23
pretty weird yeah so I think it's weird
00:10:25
that he was like saying he wanted to
00:10:27
kill his mom now his mom's missing and
00:10:28
then they found found a dead body on the
00:10:30
news I think Cody's guilty okay well kid
00:10:33
you're going to be under arrest at least
00:10:34
until we find the real killer but no
00:10:36
that's Junior I'm going to kill
00:10:38
you look he's going to start killing men
00:10:40
now everyone no one's safe well at least
00:10:43
that scummy scumbags off the street
00:10:45
finally his phone's ringing hello hey
00:10:48
there can I speak to codyy who's this
00:10:50
this is Cody's
00:10:52
mother uh aren't you supposed to be dead
00:10:55
oh yeah I agree with my long history of
00:10:57
drug use I didn't think I'd make it to
00:10:59
the of 30 but I did can I talk to Cody
00:11:02
um he just got arrested oh well when he
00:11:05
gets out of that little jail you tell
00:11:06
him he's
00:11:07
grounded okay well he tried calling you
00:11:09
earlier oh yeah I went to the store to
00:11:11
buy him a book about vegetables you know
00:11:13
Cody doesn't know his vegetables he
00:11:15
doesn't even know what broccoli is
00:11:16
that's that is crazy yeah so did your
00:11:19
husband ever get his cheese pizza oh
00:11:21
yeah he sure did is he still hard oh
00:11:23
yeah he is well I'll let Cody know you
00:11:27
called who was that Junior some wrong
00:11:30
number caller someone who calls wrong
00:11:32
numbers all the time
00:11:35
[Music]