The Science Behind an Attractive Personality

00:59:59
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p_yBXEAtrw

الملخص

TLDRThe video is a docu-series exploring the significance of attractiveness beyond mere physical looks. It highlights how answers to personal questions reveal traits like confidence, humor, and communicative skills that are pivotal in forming connections. Contestants participate in various tests, evaluated by judges focusing on their curiosity, presence, and warmth. Expert insights emphasize that true confidence stems from self-fidelity—being true to one's values. The series delves into the complexities of attraction, suggesting that genuine connection requires understanding one's self-worth and being authentic, leading to more meaningful relationships.

الوجبات الجاهزة

  • 💫 Attraction is not just physical!
  • 💬 Communication skills are essential for connection.
  • 🤔 Self-fidelity leads to authenticity.
  • 🎭 Humor can break the ice in dating.
  • 🌍 Curiosity fosters deeper conversations.
  • ❤️ Warmth makes you relatable and approachable.
  • 📈 Confidence is key to being attractive.
  • 🔥 The journey to understanding oneself enhances relationships.
  • 🙏 True connection requires vulnerability.
  • 📚 It's important to balance self-acceptance and authenticity.

الجدول الزمني

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    In a conversation about self-disclosure, the speaker reflects on how our responses reveal aspects of our confidence and personality, highlighting a move from Chicago to New York City.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The discussion transitions to the importance of being attractive, not just physically but through personality traits, leading to the set-up of a plastic surgery consultation that brings the concept of attractiveness into question.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The journey of self-discovery continues as the speaker reflects upon personal growth and confidence over time, hinting at the psychological aspects of attractiveness as they navigate their own self-image.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The series introduces Dr. Thomas Smithman, a psychologist specializing in social anxiety, who asserts that attractiveness is partly subjective but anchored on several objective traits that can be developed with practice.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Three male contestants are introduced in a dating scenario to test non-physical attractiveness through communication and self-disclosure, judged by three female judges who rate their responses to various prompts during the competition.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    The first test begins with contestants introducing themselves, which reveals varying levels of self-confidence and depth in their answers, showcasing the significance of self-disclosure in attractiveness.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    The judges give feedback on contestants' answers, where personal warmth and humor emerge as key attributes, showcasing how personality influences perceptions of attractiveness beyond physical appearance.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    The second test, designed to gauge curiosity and presence, involves judges sharing personal stories to see how contestants follow up, illustrating the importance of active listening and engagement in fostering connection.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    Contestants' performances vary markedly, with some effectively drawing on their own experiences while others struggle with self-disclosure or fail to ask relevant follow-up questions, affecting their rankings.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:50:00

    The final test involves a mock dating scenario aimed at assessing warmth as a critical component of attraction, where the interaction dynamics elucidate the multifaceted nature of social attraction.

  • 00:50:00 - 00:59:59

    Ultimately, the series culminates in a reflection on the journey towards understanding attractiveness, emphasizing qualities like warmth, curiosity, and self-fidelity, which are rooted in reliability and emotional depth.

اعرض المزيد

الخريطة الذهنية

فيديو أسئلة وأجوبة

  • What is the main theme of the video?

    The main theme is exploring the deeper aspects of attractiveness beyond physical appearance, focusing on traits like self-fidelity and warmth.

  • Who is Dr. Thomas Smithman?

    Dr. Thomas Smithman is a clinical psychologist who provides insights into the psychology of attractiveness.

  • What are the three important traits discussed in the video?

    The three important traits are self-fidelity, presence, and warmth.

  • What role does curiosity play in attractiveness?

    Curiosity makes the other person feel valued and important during conversations.

  • How do the contestants experience the tests?

    The contestants engage in communication tests to demonstrate their attractiveness based on conversation style and listening skills.

  • What is self-fidelity?

    Self-fidelity means being faithful to your own values and owning them in interactions with others.

  • Why is confidence considered attractive?

    Confidence is attractive because it reflects self-acceptance and authenticity in a person's values.

  • What impact does humor have in dating scenarios?

    Humor can create a connection and make interactions more enjoyable in dating.

  • How did the contestants rank each other?

    The contestants were ranked based on their responses and interactions during various communication tests.

  • What conclusion does the narrator reach at the end of the video?

    The narrator concludes that understanding true attractiveness involves deeper self-awareness and authenticity, rather than just physical traits.

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الترجمات
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التمرير التلقائي:
  • 00:00:00
    hi nice to finally meet you yeah you
  • 00:00:10
    too so tell me about yourself yeah sorry
  • 00:00:14
    um I guess certain questions in our life
  • 00:00:17
    are designed to have a wide spectrum of
  • 00:00:19
    answers in fact most questions do I
  • 00:00:22
    guess I was born in
  • 00:00:25
    Chicago and when someone is trying to
  • 00:00:27
    get to know you these are the best types
  • 00:00:28
    of questions to ask in Chicago make fun
  • 00:00:31
    of you why well the direction of your
  • 00:00:33
    answer says a lot and then 2 years ago I
  • 00:00:36
    moved to New York City is your answer
  • 00:00:38
    revealing confidence or are you coming
  • 00:00:40
    across nervous are you ignorant or funny
  • 00:00:45
    are you ambitious boring adventurous
  • 00:00:48
    creative cultured loyal vulnerable
  • 00:00:52
    philosophical overall is what you're
  • 00:00:54
    saying coming across
  • 00:00:57
    attractive what else do you say well I
  • 00:01:00
    don't I
  • 00:01:01
    just what do you what do you like to do
  • 00:01:04
    like I I don't need you
  • 00:01:06
    know in this docu series so far we
  • 00:01:08
    explore why being attractive may be more
  • 00:01:10
    important than you think humans have
  • 00:01:11
    cared about beauty ever since our
  • 00:01:13
    species has existed it's actually what's
  • 00:01:15
    helped us survive if you had to rank
  • 00:01:17
    yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in how
  • 00:01:19
    attractive you think you are what would
  • 00:01:21
    you say there's a lot of social aspects
  • 00:01:23
    into this right because the way that
  • 00:01:24
    someone looks at you determines like
  • 00:01:25
    what they think of you then we asked
  • 00:01:27
    where do we go to become more attractive
  • 00:01:29
    well we don't have to go far how are you
  • 00:01:31
    supposed to navigate through this world
  • 00:01:33
    of
  • 00:01:34
    consumers and defining where this line
  • 00:01:37
    is on your own personal graph is the
  • 00:01:39
    journey you must take to escape this
  • 00:01:42
    consumer in trap and finally we asked
  • 00:01:44
    what's the most extreme version of this
  • 00:01:46
    journey we're about to get our first uh
  • 00:01:49
    about to get our plastic surgery
  • 00:01:51
    consultation is we'll clean up the neck
  • 00:01:54
    with lipos suction and what we call neck
  • 00:01:56
    type we're going to move to the body so
  • 00:01:59
    I need you to put on this so that's body
  • 00:02:01
    Bank wow a lot there yeah and you're
  • 00:02:04
    actually you're actually a good
  • 00:02:06
    candidate now if you're interested in
  • 00:02:08
    biceps yeah
  • 00:02:11
    it's do you believe in coincidence I
  • 00:02:14
    don't know but sometimes I feel like
  • 00:02:16
    there's this higher power that wants me
  • 00:02:19
    to live through lessons that line up too
  • 00:02:21
    perfectly lesson and I remember that's
  • 00:02:23
    the first thing they said to me was just
  • 00:02:24
    like I need space basically because I'm
  • 00:02:27
    spiraling and I can't get out of my head
  • 00:02:30
    and I just need to talk and I need you
  • 00:02:32
    to
  • 00:02:33
    listen I used to feel like three years
  • 00:02:36
    ago Tes was a different version than the
  • 00:02:38
    Tes I am
  • 00:02:40
    now that version of me didn't feel
  • 00:02:42
    confident didn't feel secure and it's
  • 00:02:45
    easy to let those pieces override your
  • 00:02:48
    actions and make you feel insecure on a
  • 00:02:51
    day to
  • 00:02:51
    [Music]
  • 00:02:53
    day and actually that's where this whole
  • 00:02:55
    docu series was supposed to end I went
  • 00:02:57
    on this journey to understand physical
  • 00:02:59
    attractive
  • 00:03:00
    my own how it's impacted Me growing up
  • 00:03:02
    and how it's playing out
  • 00:03:05
    today but when I think about that
  • 00:03:08
    original question why I started this
  • 00:03:10
    journey in the first place how to become
  • 00:03:12
    more attractive
  • 00:03:13
    scientifically the answer still felt a
  • 00:03:16
    bit
  • 00:03:17
    incomplete um I don't know what you're
  • 00:03:20
    doing your physical attractiveness
  • 00:03:21
    matters it's to establish a great first
  • 00:03:24
    impression but how much of your
  • 00:03:26
    attractiveness is determined outside of
  • 00:03:28
    how you look
  • 00:03:31
    spoiler it's a
  • 00:03:33
    lot no one ever asks the question how to
  • 00:03:36
    best prepare for a second date and I was
  • 00:03:39
    stuck on this until one day I met Dr
  • 00:03:42
    Thomas smithman come take a seat Dr
  • 00:03:46
    Thomas Dr T is a PhD level clinical
  • 00:03:49
    psychologist with over 20 years of
  • 00:03:51
    experience helping people overcome
  • 00:03:52
    social anxiety he even has this
  • 00:03:54
    bestselling book dating without fear
  • 00:03:57
    which by now in this docu series you all
  • 00:03:59
    know and can imagine very applicable to
  • 00:04:01
    me but today after tricking him into
  • 00:04:03
    giving me countless free therapy
  • 00:04:05
    sessions I can attest that if there's
  • 00:04:07
    someone that understands the psychology
  • 00:04:10
    behind attractiveness it's him
  • 00:04:13
    attraction is to a certain extent in I
  • 00:04:15
    the beholder but as well as that there
  • 00:04:18
    are certain traits that are just
  • 00:04:21
    generally more attractive I can
  • 00:04:23
    encapsulate most of those into three
  • 00:04:25
    really important ones that everybody can
  • 00:04:28
    take advantage of to to become as
  • 00:04:30
    attractive as possible so instead of
  • 00:04:33
    just sitting down and explaining these
  • 00:04:34
    three traits that can make anyone more
  • 00:04:36
    attractive we thought that the better
  • 00:04:39
    way would be
  • 00:04:40
    to make a makeshift dating
  • 00:04:43
    show there we go there we
  • 00:04:46
    go behind me I have three judges these
  • 00:04:49
    three beautiful ladies and also in a
  • 00:04:51
    back room I have these three contestants
  • 00:04:53
    who are completely unaware of what is
  • 00:04:55
    about to happen I peed in your bed
  • 00:04:59
    yesterday
  • 00:05:00
    I beat you bad yesterday peed I peed I
  • 00:05:03
    peed in your bad yesterday the
  • 00:05:05
    contestants are going to compete against
  • 00:05:07
    each other in a series of three tests
  • 00:05:09
    all putting their communication skills
  • 00:05:11
    to work our judges will then rank their
  • 00:05:13
    answers from most attractive which will
  • 00:05:15
    get five points to least attractive
  • 00:05:17
    which will only get one the whole goal
  • 00:05:18
    of this experiment is to test how
  • 00:05:20
    attractive someone is non-physically and
  • 00:05:22
    in order to do
  • 00:05:25
    so the judges and contestants can't see
  • 00:05:28
    each other until the very
  • 00:05:30
    end there's actually a lot more to
  • 00:05:32
    attractiveness than what you can see
  • 00:05:34
    with your own
  • 00:05:36
    eyes All Right contestant one on a scale
  • 00:05:39
    of 1 to 10 how attractive do you think
  • 00:05:41
    you are a
  • 00:05:44
    7.2 why physical looks isn't everything
  • 00:05:47
    and uh personality I feel like could
  • 00:05:49
    carry a lot so All Right contestant
  • 00:05:51
    number two what would you say 8.1 why
  • 00:05:55
    8.1 uh cuz 8's my favorite number and I
  • 00:05:59
    think it's best to pick an odd decimal
  • 00:06:02
    point on a scale of 1 to 10 I would say
  • 00:06:05
    I'm a I'm a 6.5 over the last like five
  • 00:06:08
    months I've gotten a little fat and it's
  • 00:06:10
    it's getting to my head um and it just
  • 00:06:13
    um I think I I have like8 n potential
  • 00:06:17
    but I'm definitely just sliding off a
  • 00:06:19
    cliff so 6.5 for right now how would you
  • 00:06:22
    describe your personality how would I
  • 00:06:24
    describe my personality I think I'm just
  • 00:06:27
    like a general just nice guy um I try to
  • 00:06:30
    just make people happy throw a few jokes
  • 00:06:32
    in there every once in a while um I
  • 00:06:34
    would describe it as
  • 00:06:37
    playful
  • 00:06:40
    and what else I would describe my
  • 00:06:43
    personality as um underwhelming
  • 00:06:45
    throughout the day but I have little
  • 00:06:47
    bursts of excitement and what do you
  • 00:06:50
    know about the run of the show today
  • 00:06:52
    there's supposed to be a number of girls
  • 00:06:54
    that are supposed to be I guess we're
  • 00:06:56
    wooing them or something I don't know I
  • 00:06:58
    know nothing I feel like we're going to
  • 00:07:00
    be interrogated about our skills around
  • 00:07:02
    dating um so far I know nothing about
  • 00:07:06
    this show other than that there are
  • 00:07:08
    women here and my girlfriend will be mad
  • 00:07:11
    that I'm near women and so I'm not going
  • 00:07:14
    to have a good day whenever this video
  • 00:07:15
    comes out I think I will sleep on the
  • 00:07:17
    couch for a couple days afterwards but
  • 00:07:19
    we will bounce back because we always do
  • 00:07:22
    now the following questions May seems
  • 00:07:23
    simple at first glance but we've spent a
  • 00:07:26
    couple calls trying to figure out what
  • 00:07:28
    are the best questions to put them
  • 00:07:31
    [Music]
  • 00:07:39
    through
  • 00:07:41
    y welcome
  • 00:07:43
    contestants we're going to commence test
  • 00:07:46
    number one so the first question was
  • 00:07:48
    tell me a little about yourself and we
  • 00:07:50
    picked this because one it's what a date
  • 00:07:53
    looks like you are going to have to
  • 00:07:56
    answer this question and tell people
  • 00:07:58
    about yourselves we're going to look at
  • 00:07:59
    things like how much they self-disclose
  • 00:08:02
    openness honesty and we're also looking
  • 00:08:05
    for self- Fidelity which is in fact the
  • 00:08:08
    first of these important objective
  • 00:08:10
    measures of attractiveness contestant
  • 00:08:13
    number one tell me about yourself hello
  • 00:08:17
    judge my name is or should I do names my
  • 00:08:20
    name is Colt I'm uh yeah I'm just a guy
  • 00:08:23
    living out here in New York City chasing
  • 00:08:25
    his dreams to become great one day and
  • 00:08:28
    uh yeah I live life just trying to have
  • 00:08:31
    fun make good memories and that's my uh
  • 00:08:35
    my
  • 00:08:36
    Spiel okay
  • 00:08:38
    polite pleasant focused on his future I
  • 00:08:43
    just want more ready contestant 2 ready
  • 00:08:47
    judges take it away contestant number
  • 00:08:49
    two tell me about
  • 00:08:51
    yourself um tell me about myself I am uh
  • 00:08:55
    yeah I was born in the United States and
  • 00:08:58
    I grew up in California I like
  • 00:09:01
    hamburgers and I grew up swimming but
  • 00:09:05
    now I lift weights and I like to run
  • 00:09:07
    from my problems and I also like running
  • 00:09:10
    and that's pretty much
  • 00:09:12
    me
  • 00:09:14
    okay warm warm voice tone friendly a bit
  • 00:09:18
    of a joke he revealed things but it was
  • 00:09:21
    just the surface level I want him to
  • 00:09:24
    really own who he is and show us who he
  • 00:09:26
    is that we have something to connect to
  • 00:09:28
    are you ready contestant number
  • 00:09:30
    three yes judges take it away contestant
  • 00:09:34
    number three tell me about
  • 00:09:37
    yourself I'm a handsome young man um
  • 00:09:41
    good height um average body but strong
  • 00:09:46
    could carry you and a team a good unit
  • 00:09:51
    um I am the owner of a small Media
  • 00:09:53
    company I'm the sole proprietor
  • 00:09:56
    CEO um year to date our income is up
  • 00:10:00
    500% the prior year we did not do very
  • 00:10:02
    well but this year we are doing
  • 00:10:05
    well um moderately athletic to
  • 00:10:09
    some um shoe size 12 I think those are
  • 00:10:14
    the important
  • 00:10:16
    details yeah so here's our problem with
  • 00:10:19
    that so for I'm going to start off let's
  • 00:10:22
    let's start off with with the good stuff
  • 00:10:23
    um humorous playful on the self Fidelity
  • 00:10:27
    front when we don't know who he is all
  • 00:10:30
    we got
  • 00:10:31
    was descriptions of physical traits
  • 00:10:34
    basically physical traits and some
  • 00:10:37
    business achievement there's nothing to
  • 00:10:41
    connect to there yet
  • 00:10:43
    interesting judge number one please tell
  • 00:10:46
    us your rankings from third place to
  • 00:10:48
    first place okay well third place I'm
  • 00:10:51
    going to do contestant number
  • 00:10:54
    three
  • 00:10:56
    um I mean for pros I said that you're an
  • 00:10:59
    entrepreneur and you sound
  • 00:11:01
    confident but you did mention your shoe
  • 00:11:04
    size and height which I don't know if
  • 00:11:06
    you're being honest um so I put that
  • 00:11:08
    down as a con and I did say you sound a
  • 00:11:11
    little Bland and weak for second place I
  • 00:11:15
    gave contestant number two you didn't
  • 00:11:18
    share your name but a pro is that you
  • 00:11:20
    like hamburgers you sound positive
  • 00:11:23
    you're from California um the cons are
  • 00:11:26
    that you lift weights you run and you
  • 00:11:29
    didn't share your name the winner for me
  • 00:11:32
    is contestant number one Colt because
  • 00:11:34
    you actually gave us your
  • 00:11:36
    name you talked about just kind of
  • 00:11:39
    wanting to have a good time and you have
  • 00:11:41
    a good voice third place I gave to
  • 00:11:44
    contestant number one um it was just
  • 00:11:47
    like very quick and I wrote down I got
  • 00:11:49
    nothing from that I don't even know what
  • 00:11:51
    happened um I did write down a pro like
  • 00:11:53
    you chase your dreams which is very
  • 00:11:54
    sweet for second place I gave contestant
  • 00:11:58
    number two um I wrote down seems like a
  • 00:12:00
    bro like you lift weights I'm not super
  • 00:12:02
    into it but like good for you I guess
  • 00:12:04
    and the winner first place is going to
  • 00:12:06
    be number three I thought you were
  • 00:12:09
    hilarious I laughed at you could carry
  • 00:12:11
    me I was like that's funny I love like a
  • 00:12:14
    a joke I did write that you kind of care
  • 00:12:16
    too much about money I genuinely don't
  • 00:12:18
    care about the money you make of your
  • 00:12:20
    company but thanks for like sharing I
  • 00:12:22
    guess and judge number three please tell
  • 00:12:25
    us your rankings from third place to
  • 00:12:26
    first place and why um I um put number
  • 00:12:29
    three in third
  • 00:12:31
    place um I think you have a really nice
  • 00:12:34
    voice but I don't like how you only
  • 00:12:36
    really talk or like you led with your
  • 00:12:39
    accomplishments it seemed kind of braggy
  • 00:12:41
    um I put uh for second place number
  • 00:12:45
    contestant number one I think you seem
  • 00:12:47
    ambitious and Earnest and like
  • 00:12:49
    kind-hearted um and then for first place
  • 00:12:51
    I gave um it to contestant number two I
  • 00:12:55
    thought you were really funny and like
  • 00:12:57
    relatable congratulations contestant
  • 00:12:59
    number two you're in the lead the rest
  • 00:13:02
    of you need to kind of step it up but
  • 00:13:04
    all
  • 00:13:05
    [Music]
  • 00:13:07
    right there's so many traits that make
  • 00:13:11
    someone attractive like why do you think
  • 00:13:13
    this is an objective trait like one of
  • 00:13:15
    the three self- Fidelity is faithfulness
  • 00:13:19
    to the self it means knowing who you are
  • 00:13:23
    and then owning it we want to know who
  • 00:13:27
    somebody is and believe that we know who
  • 00:13:30
    they are so that we can rely upon them
  • 00:13:33
    and if we don't then we can't relax
  • 00:13:36
    around them all right boys I'm
  • 00:13:38
    curious thoughts after test
  • 00:13:41
    one um came off guard a little bit I
  • 00:13:44
    didn't know what to expect and what the
  • 00:13:45
    rules were fully I kind of forgot them
  • 00:13:47
    but you're in the lead I am so I don't
  • 00:13:49
    know how I did that second place how do
  • 00:13:51
    you feeling dude I screwed up I feel
  • 00:13:53
    like I was just like a man of mystery
  • 00:13:54
    didn't say anything and I saw I mean Vel
  • 00:13:56
    ended up being last which sucks but
  • 00:13:59
    everybody was like laughing at him even
  • 00:14:01
    you were laughing I was like a shoot
  • 00:14:03
    mine was so bad and
  • 00:14:05
    uh number three here contestant number
  • 00:14:08
    three and in third
  • 00:14:10
    place how you feeling I feel horrible
  • 00:14:12
    I'm stress eating I mean I know I know
  • 00:14:14
    they're judges but I felt like they were
  • 00:14:15
    too judgy and they were a little harsh
  • 00:14:18
    I'm very down a little thirsty very
  • 00:14:20
    hungry my life's Fallen apart so test
  • 00:14:22
    two ended up being quite a creative test
  • 00:14:25
    why did we format it in the way we did
  • 00:14:27
    yeah this was designed to get at what in
  • 00:14:30
    my experience is what people complain
  • 00:14:32
    about the most when they have bad
  • 00:14:34
    dates we are going to test for curiosity
  • 00:14:39
    and presence each one of our judges has
  • 00:14:41
    written a two-minute story from their
  • 00:14:43
    past with two really awkward 10-second
  • 00:14:46
    breaks in between them and the hope is
  • 00:14:48
    that the contestant will recognize this
  • 00:14:50
    is where they should have a follow-up
  • 00:14:51
    question how conversational will they be
  • 00:14:54
    judges you will rank how attractive
  • 00:14:56
    their follow-up questions are let's go
  • 00:14:58
    get them there is one other
  • 00:15:02
    twist contestants are you ready for this
  • 00:15:06
    test we're going to have you guys come
  • 00:15:08
    in one at a
  • 00:15:10
    time oo I don't have my brothers to help
  • 00:15:13
    me out we're going to have the winner of
  • 00:15:16
    round number one go
  • 00:15:18
    first here you go good luck J he's out
  • 00:15:22
    there for you man please stand right
  • 00:15:25
    over
  • 00:15:26
    here
  • 00:15:27
    just T number two you ready I'm ready
  • 00:15:32
    you know what to do no perfect judge
  • 00:15:36
    number one go ahead so I consider myself
  • 00:15:39
    pretty
  • 00:15:40
    grounded um but that all changed on June
  • 00:15:43
    13th there's really nothing special
  • 00:15:45
    about that Thursday it was a typical New
  • 00:15:46
    York summer evening my dog Martin needed
  • 00:15:49
    to go out one more time but when I was
  • 00:15:52
    going
  • 00:15:54
    downstairs things took a turn on a fifth
  • 00:15:57
    step from the bottom my foot slips and I
  • 00:15:59
    fall forward upon impact the pain was
  • 00:16:02
    apparent thankfully I had my phone and
  • 00:16:04
    could call my brother immediately right
  • 00:16:07
    facial reaction response to what he's
  • 00:16:09
    hearing he is processing it and
  • 00:16:12
    reflecting it so it's it's impacting him
  • 00:16:15
    it's dangling I screamed it says we need
  • 00:16:18
    to go to the hospital and I solved I
  • 00:16:20
    [Music]
  • 00:16:24
    can't I'm so
  • 00:16:26
    sorry am I allowed to talk uh yeah how
  • 00:16:29
    are you doing today oh I mean
  • 00:16:32
    yeah broken leg but still it hasn't
  • 00:16:36
    fully recovered no I'm I'm sorry you had
  • 00:16:39
    to deal with that how's your dog doing
  • 00:16:41
    oh my God thanks for asking he's a
  • 00:16:44
    little traumatized I'm not going to lie
  • 00:16:46
    he's killing it so far he was listening
  • 00:16:48
    he was reactive and he responded in a
  • 00:16:49
    way that was clearly both curious asking
  • 00:16:53
    like really appropriate Fallout
  • 00:16:54
    questions and also showing that he was
  • 00:16:56
    like kind and altruistic he cared both
  • 00:16:59
    about her and the dog in route to the
  • 00:17:01
    hospital my brother is trying to keep
  • 00:17:03
    things light he asked the paramedic how
  • 00:17:06
    bad she thinks it is what are the
  • 00:17:08
    chances of it actually being broken or
  • 00:17:10
    is it just a bad sprain we finally
  • 00:17:12
    arrive at New York's hottest club
  • 00:17:14
    Belleview hospital they finally give me
  • 00:17:15
    Tylenol because I can't have anything
  • 00:17:17
    else until the doctor sees me
  • 00:17:29
    the pain is so excruciating so I don't
  • 00:17:32
    know what happened here like I'm just
  • 00:17:33
    imagining this on a date he's doing
  • 00:17:35
    great and then like the second half of
  • 00:17:36
    the story he's just like I'm just not
  • 00:17:39
    going to respond tip listen to the
  • 00:17:40
    second half of the story I think I think
  • 00:17:42
    really that's the key for this
  • 00:17:45
    one I hope you were paying
  • 00:17:48
    attention if you get this question
  • 00:17:50
    correct you get an additional three
  • 00:17:52
    points go ahead what hospital did I go
  • 00:17:55
    to it starts with a
  • 00:17:57
    B you said it's a big party
  • 00:18:01
    place um I want to say
  • 00:18:05
    bellheim I forget Bell
  • 00:18:08
    something judge is up to you if you
  • 00:18:10
    believe that answer is satisfactory or
  • 00:18:12
    not I'll take it congratulations
  • 00:18:15
    contestant number
  • 00:18:17
    two you got three additional bonus
  • 00:18:19
    points the judges have written down some
  • 00:18:21
    notes and we'll see how you fared Sherin
  • 00:18:24
    did a great job there he was present he
  • 00:18:27
    was reactive ask good follow-up
  • 00:18:30
    questions when he chose to engage in
  • 00:18:32
    asking follow-up questions at what point
  • 00:18:34
    did you catch on or did you realize what
  • 00:18:36
    you had to do I think she was like
  • 00:18:37
    throwing random details I was like okay
  • 00:18:39
    I thought she was going to ask the name
  • 00:18:40
    of her dog and I was like I forgot that
  • 00:18:43
    one so thenk go should didn't ask that
  • 00:18:46
    contestant number one you are
  • 00:18:49
    next D Dude shervin Looks genuinely
  • 00:18:51
    upset I'm scared now why are the girls
  • 00:18:54
    so mean bro these girls are so judgy
  • 00:19:00
    all righty you know what to do I do not
  • 00:19:04
    perfect judge number two go
  • 00:19:06
    ahead my best friend and I backpacked
  • 00:19:09
    Europe last summer we both had been
  • 00:19:10
    dumped for the first time so we did what
  • 00:19:12
    any heartbroken girly would do we bought
  • 00:19:14
    a one-way ticket we had no plans after
  • 00:19:17
    our first stop we pretty much just went
  • 00:19:19
    wherever we could get to the cheapest so
  • 00:19:21
    I to point this out they can't see this
  • 00:19:24
    because of the screen but he's doing
  • 00:19:26
    minimal encourages which are where he's
  • 00:19:28
    like you know you do the little nods or
  • 00:19:30
    you show those little facial reactions
  • 00:19:31
    that you're listening like like you're
  • 00:19:33
    doing now and it's showing you a really
  • 00:19:35
    present and focused on them I was fully
  • 00:19:38
    working remote and exaggerated their
  • 00:19:39
    truth just a bit they thought I was at
  • 00:19:41
    my family's home in Italy while I was
  • 00:19:43
    actually at araban bees hosts and
  • 00:19:45
    sometimes the airport
  • 00:19:50
    floor do I comment on that oh um well
  • 00:19:55
    I'm sorry you got dumped but you know in
  • 00:19:58
    life things are are meant to be so if
  • 00:20:00
    they're if they're not the person for
  • 00:20:02
    you then I think greater things are
  • 00:20:03
    meant for you and I do love Adventures
  • 00:20:07
    kind of uh very similar to my life just
  • 00:20:09
    kind of taking risks and seeing what
  • 00:20:12
    happens and Life's too short to not go
  • 00:20:14
    to Italy and explore the world so he's
  • 00:20:19
    doing what I think a lot of people
  • 00:20:21
    accidentally do he was listening and
  • 00:20:22
    paying attention um and when it got to
  • 00:20:25
    the point of asking like a follow-up
  • 00:20:27
    question he acknowledged what he' heard
  • 00:20:30
    and then he started talking about his
  • 00:20:31
    own perspective on it he does go on and
  • 00:20:34
    it almost like disregards what they just
  • 00:20:36
    said yeah that's what it feels like he
  • 00:20:38
    was like it was an acknowledgement of
  • 00:20:39
    like oh I heard this but hey that's fine
  • 00:20:42
    here's my perspective someone's telling
  • 00:20:44
    you a story ask him at least one or two
  • 00:20:47
    follow-ups before you share your
  • 00:20:50
    position or a story of your own and uh
  • 00:20:53
    I've actually yeah traveled Europe for
  • 00:20:56
    free basically for about a week and has
  • 00:20:58
    actually terrible cuz you're just
  • 00:20:59
    straight up homeless but that's what
  • 00:21:00
    life's about you know Taking Chances and
  • 00:21:04
    uh finding love we decided to go out as
  • 00:21:07
    girls do to the local Watering Hole we
  • 00:21:10
    quickly noticed the girl to guy ratio
  • 00:21:11
    was different from our last stop lots of
  • 00:21:13
    guys not too many girls we didn't think
  • 00:21:15
    much of it when we started to meet and
  • 00:21:17
    talk to different guys they asked us the
  • 00:21:19
    same question are you here for the
  • 00:21:23
    race the race uh what race um
  • 00:21:30
    if I was a guy in that situation I would
  • 00:21:33
    probably ask you the very exact same
  • 00:21:35
    question and uh based off your answer
  • 00:21:39
    I'd probably kind of read context clues
  • 00:21:40
    whether you're bored or not of the same
  • 00:21:42
    exact question being answered day of the
  • 00:21:44
    race my bestie and I buy a bottle of
  • 00:21:46
    Rosé and hop on the train to Monaco I
  • 00:21:48
    see a guy walking with purpose so I ask
  • 00:21:51
    him you know how do we get to see this
  • 00:21:52
    race he also looks at me like I'm crazy
  • 00:21:54
    and he's like what are you doing here
  • 00:21:57
    you don't have a ticket so from that
  • 00:21:59
    point forward we followed this man into
  • 00:22:01
    a place called Nikki Beach he snuck us
  • 00:22:02
    through the back door we had the whole
  • 00:22:05
    view of the Formula 1 race in Monaco we
  • 00:22:08
    had the best time and then we just went
  • 00:22:10
    home and just slept and then the
  • 00:22:12
    following Tuesday I got nominated for
  • 00:22:14
    the employee of the month okay I hope
  • 00:22:16
    you were paying attention if you get
  • 00:22:17
    this question right you get an
  • 00:22:19
    additional three points what is the name
  • 00:22:23
    of the like beach bar that I saw or like
  • 00:22:25
    went
  • 00:22:26
    to I'm going to dis appoint you I was
  • 00:22:30
    trying to come up with something clever
  • 00:22:31
    and be like oh that guy that you met was
  • 00:22:33
    actually me um and that was my beach
  • 00:22:35
    part that I don't know the name too and
  • 00:22:37
    then I got distracted because I'm
  • 00:22:39
    thinking like oh Monaco is that like F1
  • 00:22:41
    racing it was yeah uh and then I started
  • 00:22:45
    thinking about cars and stuff
  • 00:22:46
    so part of the reason um like presence
  • 00:22:50
    and curiosity are so attractive is it
  • 00:22:53
    makes the other person feel important
  • 00:22:55
    the person is investing in you they
  • 00:22:57
    actually care about you on some level
  • 00:22:59
    which is really really important like
  • 00:23:00
    there is not a better feeling in the
  • 00:23:02
    world when you're telling someone
  • 00:23:03
    something and you know they're listening
  • 00:23:05
    to you and like they're fully they're
  • 00:23:06
    basically prioritizing you over anything
  • 00:23:09
    else that they could be doing in that
  • 00:23:10
    moment that that is basically as a TR to
  • 00:23:13
    is it gets whatever you do just do it
  • 00:23:15
    with 100% intentionality so if I'm here
  • 00:23:18
    in this moment if we're on camera or off
  • 00:23:20
    camera it's like I'm here with you
  • 00:23:23
    there's nothing else that needs to
  • 00:23:24
    matter right now and and I will say on
  • 00:23:26
    the receiving end you feel it M like I
  • 00:23:29
    can feel that around you and there is
  • 00:23:31
    research by the way that having the
  • 00:23:33
    phone around people's attention gets
  • 00:23:35
    pulled away and the conversations just
  • 00:23:38
    don't go as
  • 00:23:39
    deep dang it what did I do what didn't I
  • 00:23:43
    do it's so confusing like it's like half
  • 00:23:48
    sentences I wasn't sure if I was
  • 00:23:50
    supposed
  • 00:23:51
    to role play or something I have no idea
  • 00:23:54
    one thing that was interesting with this
  • 00:23:56
    response specifically is like he
  • 00:23:58
    acknowledged and he owned up to the fact
  • 00:24:01
    that he didn't know yeah he's like I'm
  • 00:24:03
    so sorry I was thinking about this like
  • 00:24:05
    very almost like a fourth wall break
  • 00:24:07
    he's like this is what I was thinking
  • 00:24:08
    about I don't know the name of the beach
  • 00:24:10
    and he actually ends it with another
  • 00:24:11
    detail of her story being like congrats
  • 00:24:13
    on employee of the month that's that
  • 00:24:15
    self- Fidelity that's that Honesty like
  • 00:24:18
    he was he was owning I I didn't do that
  • 00:24:21
    here's what I was doing instead and he
  • 00:24:23
    apologize yeah like if if we do screw up
  • 00:24:26
    which we do constantly
  • 00:24:28
    people vastly prefer it If we're honest
  • 00:24:31
    about it the flip side of that right is
  • 00:24:33
    where you make excuses justifications
  • 00:24:36
    you deny wrongdoing and people really
  • 00:24:39
    don't like that all right our Underdog
  • 00:24:42
    of the
  • 00:24:43
    evening contestant number
  • 00:24:46
    three follow me I have no fear put that
  • 00:24:49
    mic close to your face let's go let's go
  • 00:24:56
    manab go wo wo chill chill chill Jesus
  • 00:25:00
    Christ I just need to get hyped up
  • 00:25:02
    contestant please stand in front of this
  • 00:25:07
    camera in front of you you have our
  • 00:25:10
    Underdog of the evening contestant
  • 00:25:12
    number three you know what to do I know
  • 00:25:14
    what to
  • 00:25:15
    do judge number three go ahead so this
  • 00:25:18
    is an old one but um I had just
  • 00:25:20
    graduated 8th grade it was the summer
  • 00:25:22
    right before high school um I was
  • 00:25:24
    walking home from summer camp which is
  • 00:25:27
    only about 20 minutes away I lived in
  • 00:25:29
    the neighborhood um and I was crossing
  • 00:25:31
    through this strip mall parking lot so
  • 00:25:33
    it's my normal R route I wasn't you know
  • 00:25:36
    diverting or doing anything differently
  • 00:25:38
    and a minivan comes up to me uh a man
  • 00:25:41
    rolls down his window and says do you
  • 00:25:43
    know where I can see Slum Dog
  • 00:25:45
    Millionaire inter he's appears to be
  • 00:25:47
    listening but reacting uh in a very
  • 00:25:51
    discouraging way to the
  • 00:25:54
    story wouldn't encourage that I tell him
  • 00:25:56
    where there's a Blockbuster in a mall
  • 00:25:59
    and that he can rent it from from
  • 00:26:08
    there but he seemed uninterested in that
  • 00:26:11
    so I'm like bro is weird something is
  • 00:26:14
    off it's funny to see his facial
  • 00:26:19
    reactions and what what was the term you
  • 00:26:20
    used when Colt would go yeah minimal
  • 00:26:23
    encourages minimal encourages he's
  • 00:26:25
    minimally discouraged I think he's
  • 00:26:28
    invented a new social skill called
  • 00:26:31
    minimal discourages yeah and he's like
  • 00:26:34
    shooting down the person story as we go
  • 00:26:37
    yeah we were near a very busy street so
  • 00:26:39
    I think that's kind of what stopped him
  • 00:26:41
    from possibly getting out of the car and
  • 00:26:43
    grabbing me
  • 00:27:15
    um do you have any followup
  • 00:27:17
    questions were we having a
  • 00:27:20
    conversation you're listening to a
  • 00:27:26
    story I genu think my brain can't hold
  • 00:27:29
    that much
  • 00:27:41
    data there is so many
  • 00:27:44
    [Laughter]
  • 00:27:47
    words I mean do we need a a breakdown of
  • 00:27:51
    how that went I think this is a perfect
  • 00:27:53
    example of self Fidelity uh-huh go on
  • 00:27:58
    he owned up to it yeah he although I I
  • 00:28:01
    would I would disagree he he said oh I
  • 00:28:03
    couldn't I can't hold that that much
  • 00:28:04
    information that's
  • 00:28:06
    that's he can definitely hold that much
  • 00:28:08
    information yeah like as humans we we're
  • 00:28:11
    made to follow story and to learn
  • 00:28:13
    through story he can hold that
  • 00:28:14
    information I think at some point he
  • 00:28:16
    must have stopped processing the story
  • 00:28:19
    and he went off into something else it's
  • 00:28:20
    it's a nice contrast right cuz I think
  • 00:28:22
    the same thing happened with CT and cult
  • 00:28:23
    owned
  • 00:28:24
    it okay I hope you paying attention
  • 00:28:28
    yes if you get this following question
  • 00:28:30
    right you get an additional three
  • 00:28:33
    points what year was the story taking
  • 00:28:38
    place
  • 00:28:39
    in well you said you saw the movie in
  • 00:28:42
    2008 but I think you said you were in
  • 00:28:44
    eighth
  • 00:28:45
    grade oh I'm going to have to deduce
  • 00:28:48
    here I'm going to go like
  • 00:28:51
    2012
  • 00:28:56
    yes all right
  • 00:28:59
    this guy you know as well as being
  • 00:29:00
    humorous he's clearly very intelligent
  • 00:29:03
    in this case using his intelligence to
  • 00:29:05
    try to you know recover from having no
  • 00:29:09
    curiosity or real presence expressed I
  • 00:29:11
    wonder what he was thinking about in
  • 00:29:13
    that long hole Yeah I wonder two velco
  • 00:29:15
    when you watch this please comment below
  • 00:29:17
    what were you thinking what was going on
  • 00:29:18
    what was going through your head yeah um
  • 00:29:20
    what's going through your head I don't I
  • 00:29:22
    feel good I think they like
  • 00:29:24
    me I always thought I was a good
  • 00:29:26
    listener but I had no idea what the she
  • 00:29:28
    was talking
  • 00:29:29
    about you said I don't think my brain
  • 00:29:32
    could all that much
  • 00:29:34
    data do she talked for like 4 minutes
  • 00:29:37
    good job contestants on test number two
  • 00:29:40
    if you couldn't tell we were testing
  • 00:29:42
    your listening presence and curiosity
  • 00:29:45
    we're going to start with judge number
  • 00:29:46
    one so the person that I put in third
  • 00:29:49
    place this is no
  • 00:29:52
    surprise um it's contestant number three
  • 00:29:55
    felt like you weren't really present um
  • 00:29:57
    and in the conversation second place I
  • 00:30:00
    gave to number two um you heard my story
  • 00:30:04
    and you were extremely attentive you
  • 00:30:06
    asked about my dog and then in first
  • 00:30:09
    place goes to Cole um I put you like
  • 00:30:11
    Taking Chances you're comfortable
  • 00:30:14
    Mindful and witty judge number two go
  • 00:30:16
    ahead um so last place is going to be
  • 00:30:21
    contestant number three you really put
  • 00:30:23
    your foot in your mouth when you like
  • 00:30:25
    got here and you were like yeah I know
  • 00:30:27
    what to do like so cocky and then you
  • 00:30:29
    had no idea what to do you just lied um
  • 00:30:32
    I feel like you didn't even like give to
  • 00:30:34
    the conversation you actually like took
  • 00:30:35
    like I might have like lost some brain
  • 00:30:37
    cells a little bit not to like roast you
  • 00:30:40
    I was I was honestly cheering you on the
  • 00:30:42
    last one so I was a little disappointed
  • 00:30:44
    but moving on to number two um second
  • 00:30:48
    place I ranked contestant number two I
  • 00:30:51
    wrote you're a great listener cares
  • 00:30:52
    about her and her dog and you seem like
  • 00:30:54
    very genuine in then first place was
  • 00:30:56
    number one you're an angel I had like
  • 00:30:59
    wanted to wipe my tears when you were
  • 00:31:00
    like coaching me through my little
  • 00:31:02
    breakup um I wrote down very sweet my
  • 00:31:05
    con was like you got distracted with boy
  • 00:31:07
    stuff which is like normal but like kind
  • 00:31:09
    of um started thinking about you know F1
  • 00:31:12
    which I get it but that was the only con
  • 00:31:14
    I had you're very sweet judge number
  • 00:31:16
    three go ahead okay so I put in the
  • 00:31:19
    third place contestant number three I'm
  • 00:31:22
    sorry to do this to you but yeah um you
  • 00:31:25
    coming in all like cocky and stuff I
  • 00:31:28
    think the bragging bit is getting old
  • 00:31:30
    and so maybe you should like kill that
  • 00:31:32
    but you did remember the year which is
  • 00:31:35
    nice and I like that you use the word
  • 00:31:36
    deduce I use that word often so second
  • 00:31:39
    place I put in number one now you were
  • 00:31:42
    very sweet you make really good
  • 00:31:44
    conversation but I think that some
  • 00:31:47
    points you were trying to come up with
  • 00:31:49
    your answers or like not actively
  • 00:31:51
    listening fully and then for first place
  • 00:31:53
    I did number two you are still my first
  • 00:31:57
    place you know winner um I really liked
  • 00:32:00
    how you remembered her dog it felt that
  • 00:32:02
    you genuinely were like interested in
  • 00:32:04
    the story you asked even why she was
  • 00:32:06
    telling the story which no one has asked
  • 00:32:08
    us like what the hell why are you
  • 00:32:09
    telling this story honestly the only
  • 00:32:11
    person I'm going to give
  • 00:32:14
    a
  • 00:32:16
    20w thing if you do want to say anything
  • 00:32:19
    is contestant number three
  • 00:32:22
    here no I feel I I honestly don't want
  • 00:32:25
    to hear from him rooting for him to be
  • 00:32:27
    honest sorry I believe in you whoever
  • 00:32:30
    believes in me thank you she didn't
  • 00:32:33
    believe in you a second ago
  • 00:32:35
    so I think I may come off as confident
  • 00:32:41
    because it's something I I don't have in
  • 00:32:44
    my ordinary life I lack confidence and I
  • 00:32:47
    try to make up for it um I haven't lied
  • 00:32:50
    to you um about anything I just try to
  • 00:32:53
    give you details through this screen
  • 00:32:56
    that I think you might care for but that
  • 00:32:58
    was me coming in with my own I don't
  • 00:33:01
    want to say Prejudice but my own
  • 00:33:03
    assumptions about you I know we're here
  • 00:33:05
    being judged based on trivial answers at
  • 00:33:09
    times but I think the totality of
  • 00:33:13
    myself is okay it's not amazing but
  • 00:33:17
    you're okay yeah yeah you're
  • 00:33:21
    okay you're fine that is about 20 words
  • 00:33:25
    at the end of test two we have
  • 00:33:28
    contestant 2 in first place with 25
  • 00:33:31
    points contestant 1 with 22 points and I
  • 00:33:37
    can't and contestant number three with
  • 00:33:41
    13
  • 00:33:42
    points let's take him to the back room
  • 00:33:45
    for the final
  • 00:33:46
    [Music]
  • 00:33:52
    test explain to me why we crafted test 3
  • 00:33:54
    in the way we did yes we wanted for test
  • 00:33:57
    3 to have what felt more like a real
  • 00:34:00
    life date so where they're interacting
  • 00:34:02
    back and forth with each other we can
  • 00:34:04
    see how somebody responds it's going to
  • 00:34:06
    reveal a lot of different traits that
  • 00:34:08
    matter for attraction but we're going to
  • 00:34:11
    specifically be looking at warmth which
  • 00:34:12
    is the third of those really important
  • 00:34:20
    criteria for the final test the ball is
  • 00:34:23
    in your court you have a date sitting
  • 00:34:26
    right across this curtain from you and
  • 00:34:28
    you have three minutes the goal to have
  • 00:34:31
    a better three minute date than the
  • 00:34:33
    other contestants start the timer tell
  • 00:34:35
    me about
  • 00:34:36
    yourself um what's your name I'm Alexis
  • 00:34:39
    Alexis nice to meet you and you didn't
  • 00:34:41
    actually tell me your name so yeah I
  • 00:34:43
    thought we were supposed to keep it a
  • 00:34:44
    secret but my name is shervin okay
  • 00:34:45
    shervin but I go by Steven at Starbucks
  • 00:34:48
    so wait that's hilarious actually um so
  • 00:34:53
    you got anything
  • 00:34:54
    else I have a last name too what about
  • 00:34:56
    you I do as well well um it's French
  • 00:34:59
    some people find it hard to pronounce I
  • 00:35:02
    mean he's doing great he is warm his
  • 00:35:04
    voice tone is warm he's expressing a lot
  • 00:35:06
    of curiosity he's clearly listening and
  • 00:35:09
    he's he's picking up on what matters
  • 00:35:10
    with his follow-up questions what other
  • 00:35:12
    languages other than engl um my well I
  • 00:35:15
    don't speak creol my family is from
  • 00:35:17
    Haiti so um they all speak creal in
  • 00:35:22
    French and my dad speaks a little German
  • 00:35:24
    a little bit of Spanish all you know a
  • 00:35:26
    little little bit of a little bit of
  • 00:35:28
    that and how many of those do you
  • 00:35:30
    understand um I can understand cre
  • 00:35:33
    pretty well like if we had to be
  • 00:35:36
    nitpicky you know it's it's right now
  • 00:35:40
    how many languages what exact languages
  • 00:35:43
    how much do you know each you know
  • 00:35:45
    that's very detail oriented we want to
  • 00:35:48
    find uh depth right we want to be just
  • 00:35:50
    like um like information right want to
  • 00:35:54
    get more like to kind of like emotional
  • 00:35:56
    topics if we can please don't t me on my
  • 00:35:58
    friendch and were you born in America
  • 00:36:00
    yeah I was born in Chicago actually and
  • 00:36:03
    what what do you think were like some of
  • 00:36:04
    the biggest cultural challenges you had
  • 00:36:05
    being raised by parents who maybe grew
  • 00:36:07
    up in like a different culture and world
  • 00:36:09
    yeah my dad so here we went deep right
  • 00:36:12
    this was like uh went from just you know
  • 00:36:14
    it made sense cuz it was from languages
  • 00:36:16
    to to culture yeah you could tell by the
  • 00:36:17
    reaction of the girls too they were like
  • 00:36:19
    wo yeah so it wasn't that hard um I went
  • 00:36:22
    to like you know private schools they
  • 00:36:24
    tried to really immerse me yeah what
  • 00:36:27
    about you
  • 00:36:28
    like is education really important to
  • 00:36:30
    your yeah it's pretty much education or
  • 00:36:32
    die yeah right right is there like a
  • 00:36:35
    thing that all of your you know like
  • 00:36:37
    family members aspire to be like a
  • 00:36:38
    doctor a lawyer or something yeah you
  • 00:36:40
    have like four options you can either be
  • 00:36:42
    a doctor lawyer engineer or
  • 00:36:44
    disappointment oh my God that's same
  • 00:36:46
    that's literally like bar for bar that's
  • 00:36:48
    exactly my family which one did you get
  • 00:36:50
    which you disappointment unfortunately
  • 00:36:52
    me too oh my God it's
  • 00:36:55
    Kizmet so you could see there right he
  • 00:36:57
    made a joke very playful but also they
  • 00:36:59
    found um similarity you could see when
  • 00:37:02
    when they were in sync like that and in
  • 00:37:04
    similarity they were both laughing
  • 00:37:06
    together like if you look at Research
  • 00:37:07
    into attraction laughing together is one
  • 00:37:11
    of the best predictors of this is going
  • 00:37:13
    well um so you're from California right
  • 00:37:15
    uh yeah I was born there okay how was it
  • 00:37:18
    moving um here when did you move here
  • 00:37:19
    actually uh it was great I I like like I
  • 00:37:22
    like California and the it has like
  • 00:37:24
    really temperate weather but I love the
  • 00:37:26
    hustle and bu in the chaos of New York I
  • 00:37:29
    moved here cuz of serendipity oh sick
  • 00:37:31
    about I moved here for my Master's um in
  • 00:37:34
    fashion management so and my sister went
  • 00:37:37
    to Columbia for film so I was like I'm
  • 00:37:39
    going to follow my older sister and
  • 00:37:41
    what's your favorite thing about your
  • 00:37:42
    sister and one favorite thing about your
  • 00:37:43
    dad um they're so so intelligent they
  • 00:37:47
    inspire me to like really immerse myself
  • 00:37:50
    and try to be more Curious in life um so
  • 00:37:52
    I think that's the most um my favorite
  • 00:37:55
    things about them both I love that yeah
  • 00:37:58
    well was great hanging out with you it's
  • 00:38:00
    great hanging out with you too yeah if
  • 00:38:02
    you had to critique him in some way what
  • 00:38:05
    would you say I actually have one in
  • 00:38:06
    mind I'm curious if you well let's let's
  • 00:38:09
    hear yours no you go first no come you
  • 00:38:11
    can't can't be dropping these secrets
  • 00:38:13
    that's okay fair fair up until the very
  • 00:38:15
    end I feel like he didn't say much about
  • 00:38:17
    himself like if we look at the depth
  • 00:38:19
    that each person went into that into the
  • 00:38:22
    date I think she talked and like got
  • 00:38:25
    deeper he kept asking questions but
  • 00:38:27
    almost the opposite problem to a cult
  • 00:38:28
    did I was going to say the same thing
  • 00:38:31
    yeah cuz I I think that b to it's warm
  • 00:38:34
    very curious very good with the
  • 00:38:35
    follow-up questions lots of questions
  • 00:38:37
    but I think he leans on that and less
  • 00:38:39
    onto that
  • 00:38:45
    self-disclosure give you this please
  • 00:38:48
    take a seat oh man for test number three
  • 00:38:52
    the ball is in your court your goal to
  • 00:38:55
    have a better three-minute date than the
  • 00:38:56
    other contestants
  • 00:38:58
    you are down three points right now in
  • 00:39:00
    the competition good luck hello Miss
  • 00:39:03
    what brings you uh what brings you here
  • 00:39:05
    today um yeah I mean just this I guess
  • 00:39:10
    ah well thank you for coming on a date
  • 00:39:12
    with me I was really interested in you
  • 00:39:14
    and getting to know you more um and with
  • 00:39:18
    that what is your name oh my name is
  • 00:39:20
    Beverly but you can call me Bev Bev I
  • 00:39:23
    love that it's such a great name do you
  • 00:39:25
    uh do you like wine I love wine wine
  • 00:39:28
    well it's crazy cuz we got wine in front
  • 00:39:30
    of us now I know should we Cheers Cheers
  • 00:39:32
    ready 3 2 1
  • 00:39:36
    Che so I will say that you know this is
  • 00:39:39
    it's kind of cute right like this is
  • 00:39:40
    this is flation how would you define
  • 00:39:43
    flirtation the the real definition of
  • 00:39:45
    like flotation is um it's two parts so
  • 00:39:47
    one part is having basically attractive
  • 00:39:50
    traits physical mhm personality um the
  • 00:39:53
    second part
  • 00:39:55
    is suggesting
  • 00:39:57
    hinting that you are interested in
  • 00:40:00
    investing that into the other person and
  • 00:40:03
    there's a mixed message there right
  • 00:40:04
    you're not making it super
  • 00:40:07
    obvious but you have the person thinking
  • 00:40:09
    oh maybe this person likes me ooh you
  • 00:40:12
    know I think in
  • 00:40:13
    relationships it's good to have some
  • 00:40:15
    contrast I would say I'm not really a
  • 00:40:17
    wine guy myself okay but that means more
  • 00:40:19
    for you you know I mean yeah I can't
  • 00:40:21
    complain what are you then what kind of
  • 00:40:23
    guy are you I'm still trying to figure
  • 00:40:26
    that out I I'd say right now my
  • 00:40:28
    relationship with alcohol for example is
  • 00:40:30
    uh I'll just wait for when it's time to
  • 00:40:33
    show up and a couple couple times a year
  • 00:40:35
    I'll show up and go hard um and just
  • 00:40:39
    kind of have fun um but trying to figure
  • 00:40:42
    out if that's the uh the right method
  • 00:40:45
    anyways what do you like to do what's
  • 00:40:47
    fun for
  • 00:40:48
    you I mean let's see I have a dog um dog
  • 00:40:53
    person cat person dog person 100% but I
  • 00:40:56
    don't discriminate against cats I just
  • 00:40:58
    think that it's a like you know it's a
  • 00:41:00
    little bit different I'm definitely a
  • 00:41:01
    dog person same page how about you born
  • 00:41:03
    and raised New York now living in the
  • 00:41:05
    city um I come from like kind of like a
  • 00:41:08
    farm area Woods outdoors and I actually
  • 00:41:11
    thought I would end up in California
  • 00:41:13
    just kind of more My Vibe I believe but
  • 00:41:15
    I've kind of found my my little posy in
  • 00:41:17
    New York city so I'm going to be here
  • 00:41:19
    for the foreseeable future that's cute
  • 00:41:22
    and um yeah do you uh kind of odd
  • 00:41:25
    question but do you like Legos
  • 00:41:27
    um yeah I I like Legos well I'm a huge
  • 00:41:31
    Lego fan so if you want to like build
  • 00:41:34
    Lego set together should we let go oh
  • 00:41:36
    should we let go you want to let go let
  • 00:41:39
    go 3
  • 00:41:42
    seconds I'll let go
  • 00:41:45
    um
  • 00:41:48
    um anyways we should probably order some
  • 00:41:52
    food no I do like that he's really he's
  • 00:41:54
    really buying the the uh the the set up
  • 00:41:57
    to this um but but still it was like
  • 00:42:00
    okay quick dip into Lego but then we
  • 00:42:02
    didn't get didn't get deep like if you
  • 00:42:04
    followed up with like what why Legos
  • 00:42:07
    mean so much to him better she said she
  • 00:42:10
    loved Legos yeah yeah and I'm pretty
  • 00:42:12
    pretty moish what do you suggest do you
  • 00:42:15
    have any dietary
  • 00:42:16
    restrictions um nah nothing that a
  • 00:42:20
    couple Ben rols can't fix gotcha gotcha
  • 00:42:23
    no uh are you vegetarian oh goodness no
  • 00:42:26
    oh my God I'm falling in love more and
  • 00:42:28
    more oh my God stop Cole and that was a
  • 00:42:31
    very flutatious giggle in response to
  • 00:42:33
    his flutatious comments you know right
  • 00:42:35
    now what we should do I'm going to
  • 00:42:37
    insert a clip here of Colt Colt you have
  • 00:42:40
    a minute on this episode to just say
  • 00:42:42
    your love to
  • 00:42:43
    kza um I'm shirtless right now please
  • 00:42:46
    please ignore the attractiveness out
  • 00:42:48
    here um yes I wear a promis ring every
  • 00:42:51
    single day I I love my girlfriend so
  • 00:42:53
    much all this is you know acting and uh
  • 00:42:56
    yeah I was just trying to test out my RZ
  • 00:42:59
    you know I've only had two girlfriends
  • 00:43:01
    in my life so my RZ just so good bro I'm
  • 00:43:04
    just bam locked in so um that's not the
  • 00:43:07
    point of this video am iOS say your love
  • 00:43:09
    for K oh I love you kza I'm going to
  • 00:43:11
    marry you I am going to marry K so just
  • 00:43:13
    just know that and um if I flirt with
  • 00:43:16
    any girl which I don't if it's on video
  • 00:43:19
    it's it's usually cuz I'm acting oh my
  • 00:43:22
    God stop Cole um well it's been great
  • 00:43:24
    getting to know you and um I really hope
  • 00:43:27
    hope we can build some Legos together oh
  • 00:43:28
    my God
  • 00:43:32
    sa contestant number
  • 00:43:37
    three contestant number three I'm going
  • 00:43:39
    to do something different that I didn't
  • 00:43:40
    do with the other two guys can I have a
  • 00:43:42
    swig of this yeah exactly take a take a
  • 00:43:45
    quick Swig how are you
  • 00:43:50
    feeling I
  • 00:43:52
    mean I think I I came in a little too
  • 00:43:54
    hot and uh I don't think I've repres
  • 00:43:57
    presented myself well interesting in
  • 00:43:59
    that room I've just been reflecting a
  • 00:44:01
    lot just a lot of strong emotions
  • 00:44:03
    sadness honestly I'm disappointed myself
  • 00:44:06
    um yeah and I think the last couple
  • 00:44:08
    months I've just been questioning like
  • 00:44:09
    my identity and who I am as a person and
  • 00:44:12
    and this honestly I thought was going to
  • 00:44:13
    be like a fun experience but this it's
  • 00:44:15
    crushed me a little bit like and and I I
  • 00:44:19
    think I I use humor to deflect sometimes
  • 00:44:22
    but there is a large layer of Truth like
  • 00:44:24
    a thick layer of truth of of how how
  • 00:44:27
    much this has affected me we uh we'll
  • 00:44:30
    unpack that a little later okay but
  • 00:44:32
    right now right
  • 00:44:34
    now for test number three the ball is in
  • 00:44:37
    your court I will say one of his
  • 00:44:40
    challenges is having been kind of like
  • 00:44:43
    humorous and like kind of veering into
  • 00:44:45
    the Arrogant versus humble side people
  • 00:44:48
    like don't know whether to trust that
  • 00:44:50
    you know cuz like it's like what we're
  • 00:44:51
    getting at here is that
  • 00:44:53
    trustworthiness is he showing
  • 00:44:55
    trustworthiness or or not a bit or or or
  • 00:44:58
    is it a bit
  • 00:45:00
    yeah hello hi um I guess I haven't
  • 00:45:04
    shared my name yet my name is velco what
  • 00:45:06
    is your name my name is Christie so
  • 00:45:08
    lovely to meet you Christy you have a
  • 00:45:11
    wonderful voice it's like it's bright a
  • 00:45:13
    thank you wait I just have to say that
  • 00:45:15
    you are my number one in the first round
  • 00:45:17
    so like don't get down on yourself you
  • 00:45:19
    know you're going be okay no I really
  • 00:45:21
    appreciate that and like I said we are
  • 00:45:23
    in a dark room and it has been an
  • 00:45:26
    interesting a challenging few months so
  • 00:45:29
    even just hearing your voice right now
  • 00:45:30
    it's it's a bright and happy voice and I
  • 00:45:33
    I've came in here hot and confident and
  • 00:45:35
    all this stuff and and I kind of regret
  • 00:45:37
    it now but like but I'm happy that it's
  • 00:45:39
    led to this moment to having this
  • 00:45:41
    conversation with you and just hearing
  • 00:45:42
    your voice makes it all a little bit
  • 00:45:44
    better you're good I actually thought
  • 00:45:45
    you're really funny in the first round I
  • 00:45:47
    was like he's hilarious like I I like
  • 00:45:49
    loved you I was like it's it's great
  • 00:45:51
    he's so funny so you're good you know
  • 00:45:53
    thank you thank you you have cheered me
  • 00:45:55
    up um let's let's talk about you um what
  • 00:45:57
    do you do for work tell me a little bit
  • 00:45:59
    about yourself I've told you about me um
  • 00:46:00
    yeah let's let's run it with my story
  • 00:46:02
    I'm from Florida but I lived in La for
  • 00:46:05
    almost 6 years I worked in fashion
  • 00:46:07
    historically and now I work in Beauty um
  • 00:46:10
    so yeah that's kind of kind of it how
  • 00:46:12
    about you um I'm just going to ask you a
  • 00:46:14
    follow-up question on that um look at
  • 00:46:17
    that H I was going to say like you know
  • 00:46:18
    she hit a bunch of information she tried
  • 00:46:20
    to move it immediately into and what
  • 00:46:22
    about you give me information he's like
  • 00:46:24
    no no no wait like I want to do followup
  • 00:46:27
    I want to get to know more about that so
  • 00:46:29
    is that where your heart lies fashion
  • 00:46:30
    and Beauty like is that one of your
  • 00:46:32
    passions is that something you want to
  • 00:46:33
    pursue long term honestly no I'm
  • 00:46:35
    actually extremely burnt out from the
  • 00:46:37
    entire I feel like beauty is fine but
  • 00:46:39
    fashion industry no I like kind of just
  • 00:46:41
    want to be like a maybe a housewife or
  • 00:46:43
    like have you know like a little side
  • 00:46:45
    passion but I'm I'm not interested in in
  • 00:46:48
    grinding any longer but it's good that
  • 00:46:50
    you've like learned from these
  • 00:46:51
    experiences and now it's kind of changed
  • 00:46:53
    the direction you want to go in um yeah
  • 00:46:55
    definitely are you are you the type of
  • 00:46:58
    person who wants to like have a family
  • 00:46:59
    cuz you said housewife is that something
  • 00:47:01
    that's like a big priority cuz I think
  • 00:47:02
    especially in the dating world that's we
  • 00:47:04
    all have like certain things that are
  • 00:47:06
    core pillars and a lot of people want to
  • 00:47:07
    be moms and I think that's one of the
  • 00:47:09
    greatest things in the world to be yeah
  • 00:47:11
    definitely my mom is my best friend I
  • 00:47:13
    would love to be blessed enough to have
  • 00:47:15
    kids eventually not in for a couple
  • 00:47:17
    years hopefully I'm definitely like a
  • 00:47:19
    family girl I would say yeah I think
  • 00:47:20
    family's it's it's huge it's everything
  • 00:47:23
    um I I wanted to say once again like you
  • 00:47:25
    do seem like a I I've had a harsh time
  • 00:47:29
    here but you have said kind things and I
  • 00:47:31
    feel like you're a person who who would
  • 00:47:32
    be very supportive like an uplifting
  • 00:47:34
    parent um and that's that's huge like
  • 00:47:37
    that is something a kid needs to be able
  • 00:47:39
    to believe that they can achieve any of
  • 00:47:40
    their dreams and they need somebody in
  • 00:47:42
    their corner so that's an amazing
  • 00:47:43
    quality yeah where are you from though I
  • 00:47:44
    need to know more about you um I was
  • 00:47:46
    born in Europe spent some time in
  • 00:47:48
    Chicago and now I've been living here
  • 00:47:50
    just trying to make something of my life
  • 00:47:52
    10 seconds remaining when did you come
  • 00:47:54
    here I was very young but we only have
  • 00:47:56
    10 seconds um thank you for talking to
  • 00:47:59
    me you seem you seem like a good human
  • 00:48:01
    um a good chat yeah you redeemed
  • 00:48:03
    yourself is lovely talking to you as
  • 00:48:04
    well thank you contestant number three
  • 00:48:08
    okay so she she liked it yeah she liked
  • 00:48:10
    it and it was a Redemption it was a
  • 00:48:13
    Redemption that that was I mean compared
  • 00:48:14
    to what we saw before this was you know
  • 00:48:16
    basically a drop of all of that yeah he
  • 00:48:18
    revealed about himself she revealed
  • 00:48:19
    about herself and they both complimented
  • 00:48:21
    each other compliments vulnerability
  • 00:48:24
    death it's a great trifect to end a date
  • 00:48:26
    yeah
  • 00:48:31
    what a day judges for one final time
  • 00:48:35
    we're going to go through the scores who
  • 00:48:37
    you rated least attractive on a date to
  • 00:48:41
    most attractive on a date okay so for
  • 00:48:44
    third
  • 00:48:45
    place um I put velco or however you say
  • 00:48:50
    your name but but I do think that you
  • 00:48:53
    have a lot of redeeming qualities and
  • 00:48:55
    I'm really sorry if we were harsh you
  • 00:48:56
    seem extremely sweet and keep your head
  • 00:49:01
    up you felt a little too dominant like
  • 00:49:03
    you're really trying to like guide the
  • 00:49:05
    conversation a little too much it seemed
  • 00:49:07
    a little abrasive and it seems like you
  • 00:49:09
    need a little bit too much like
  • 00:49:11
    coddling to for me for me for me I
  • 00:49:15
    didn't feel that way I all right um
  • 00:49:18
    second place I gave to shervin AKA Steve
  • 00:49:23
    you asked some great questions which was
  • 00:49:26
    showing that you were extremely
  • 00:49:27
    attentive you wanted to get to know my
  • 00:49:29
    fellow judge you asked her about her
  • 00:49:31
    culture and the differences which I
  • 00:49:33
    think is super important the only thing
  • 00:49:36
    I would say that was a con for you it
  • 00:49:38
    seemed like too much like you were
  • 00:49:39
    voling like
  • 00:49:41
    questions um and then obviously we know
  • 00:49:44
    who won in my book Colt you're a babe um
  • 00:49:48
    sober curious I thought you're playful
  • 00:49:50
    polite respectful and
  • 00:49:52
    complimentary and the only other con was
  • 00:49:55
    that you sat a little too much in the
  • 00:49:58
    awkward silences and I think you could
  • 00:50:00
    have like you know had a little bit more
  • 00:50:02
    fun okay I'm going to start with third
  • 00:50:04
    place which I gave to contestant number
  • 00:50:05
    one I think is co um he was so sweet
  • 00:50:08
    like I feel like you have warm energy um
  • 00:50:10
    my cons were the relationship with
  • 00:50:13
    alcohol I just thought was an
  • 00:50:14
    interesting uh note I was like is that
  • 00:50:17
    an issue like what's going on there it
  • 00:50:19
    felt a little disingenuine to me like
  • 00:50:21
    you were just kind of trying to match
  • 00:50:23
    beb's Vibe I guess um second place I
  • 00:50:25
    give to contestant number two
  • 00:50:27
    I thought you were so so so funny I like
  • 00:50:29
    laughed I love a goofy guy it's the best
  • 00:50:32
    my cons here is like you just like
  • 00:50:33
    weren't giving a lot I wrote down manic
  • 00:50:35
    pixie dream guy which I don't know if
  • 00:50:36
    you know what that means but it's like
  • 00:50:38
    we don't know anything about you really
  • 00:50:39
    we just you know you asked about her
  • 00:50:41
    which was sweet but like we you know
  • 00:50:42
    there should have been a two-way street
  • 00:50:44
    here oh the first place number three
  • 00:50:46
    bless his heart I had to give you a win
  • 00:50:48
    I feel like you really wanted me back I
  • 00:50:50
    know you deserve it like I I've been
  • 00:50:53
    your cheerleader you you know the the
  • 00:50:55
    second uh thing was not too good good
  • 00:50:56
    but I liked everything else like I don't
  • 00:50:59
    know I thought you were like sweet and
  • 00:51:02
    just like asked me the only con like
  • 00:51:04
    obviously the work question but I feel
  • 00:51:06
    like that's such a normal question to
  • 00:51:07
    ask like what do you do for work all
  • 00:51:08
    right judge number three third place to
  • 00:51:11
    first place um third place was number
  • 00:51:13
    one actually um he kind of seemed a
  • 00:51:17
    little bit stiff I do think you were
  • 00:51:19
    really funny and I did really like the
  • 00:51:20
    fact that you were already like planning
  • 00:51:22
    the next date I think that's super cute
  • 00:51:23
    and it's obviously shows interest in um
  • 00:51:26
    the person that you're speaking with and
  • 00:51:28
    so then for second place I give it to
  • 00:51:30
    number three okay like you deserve it to
  • 00:51:33
    like you made a comeback I think you're
  • 00:51:35
    self-reflective and introspective I
  • 00:51:38
    think that you care about um how you
  • 00:51:41
    come off a little bit too much maybe and
  • 00:51:43
    I think you have these preconceived
  • 00:51:44
    notions that women want to hear certain
  • 00:51:47
    things and so you first like you're off
  • 00:51:50
    thatat like that's the first thing that
  • 00:51:51
    you present um and then for first place
  • 00:51:54
    I gave it to contestant number two too
  • 00:51:57
    um I thought you were very funny I think
  • 00:52:00
    the conversation flowed really well it
  • 00:52:02
    felt like a really good like back and
  • 00:52:04
    forth and I didn't think that there was
  • 00:52:06
    really any cons there I thought that I
  • 00:52:08
    could have kept talking so yeah all
  • 00:52:10
    right for one final time let's add up
  • 00:52:14
    the scores the
  • 00:52:16
    person who's the most
  • 00:52:19
    attractive non physically
  • 00:52:23
    is contestant number two
  • 00:52:27
    [Applause]
  • 00:52:33
    [Music]
  • 00:52:35
    thank uh Colt and Velo for being great
  • 00:52:38
    contestants they really uplifted me when
  • 00:52:40
    I was down in the waiting room sure
  • 00:52:42
    you're the best um I want to say thank
  • 00:52:44
    you to the
  • 00:52:45
    crew um I don't know many of your names
  • 00:52:48
    but you seem like good people uh I think
  • 00:52:50
    personally it's been very introspective
  • 00:52:52
    there's a lot of things that I think of
  • 00:52:55
    by myself and it's kind of either proven
  • 00:52:57
    right or proven wrong through this uh
  • 00:52:59
    this little trial and if you get to know
  • 00:53:01
    me I'm pretty sweet but maybe uh you
  • 00:53:04
    know I Edge on the side of too polite
  • 00:53:10
    sometimes I'm sure there are a thousand
  • 00:53:13
    different traits you could have put in
  • 00:53:15
    those top three why did you pick self-
  • 00:53:17
    Fidelity presence SL curiosity and
  • 00:53:19
    warmth as the three main objective
  • 00:53:21
    pillars if we're trying to understand
  • 00:53:24
    why these things matter the idea in
  • 00:53:26
    Psychology is that it is suggestive of
  • 00:53:30
    who would be a good parent not only who'
  • 00:53:33
    be a good partner but like somebody with
  • 00:53:35
    these kind of qualities will be a great
  • 00:53:40
    parent want a parent who is warm and
  • 00:53:43
    kind doesn't get angry and isn't going
  • 00:53:46
    to be
  • 00:53:48
    violent they're interested in you cuz
  • 00:53:51
    that means they're actually in they're
  • 00:53:52
    going to invest in you they're not just
  • 00:53:53
    going to like suddenly disappear
  • 00:53:57
    and then you want them to be trustworthy
  • 00:53:59
    right you want want to be faithful to
  • 00:54:00
    themselves you know they're going to
  • 00:54:02
    stand up for what they believe in they
  • 00:54:04
    have these values and you can rely upon
  • 00:54:09
    that yeah so you want a reliable person
  • 00:54:14
    yep who is kind and actually cares about
  • 00:54:16
    you I love it yeah wow that's a
  • 00:54:24
    nugget 8 months ago I asked asked a
  • 00:54:26
    question does being more attractive
  • 00:54:29
    matter and if so how do I become more
  • 00:54:33
    attractive the idea of exploring this
  • 00:54:35
    taboo subject and going on a journey
  • 00:54:36
    sounded fun for example let's unveil the
  • 00:54:39
    science behind hair and a haircut your
  • 00:54:41
    eyes immediately gravitate towards the
  • 00:54:43
    top or at least where is most heaviest
  • 00:54:45
    right as we explore how Beauty plays a
  • 00:54:47
    role in our society today students
  • 00:54:48
    believed that the attractive individuals
  • 00:54:51
    got the higher status jobs let's see if
  • 00:54:52
    there's truth behind how colors affect
  • 00:54:54
    your skin and impression so you do have
  • 00:54:57
    more yellowness than the redness and
  • 00:54:59
    discuss consumerism and the infinite
  • 00:55:01
    amount of options that are presented to
  • 00:55:03
    us that claim to make us look better but
  • 00:55:05
    the second and third time you buy those
  • 00:55:07
    things you're incrementally getting less
  • 00:55:09
    and less happy let's even go to the
  • 00:55:12
    extreme and see an expert in physical
  • 00:55:14
    Beauty someone that can alter what was
  • 00:55:16
    once thought permanent so now usually
  • 00:55:20
    what guys are looking for is just how do
  • 00:55:22
    we kind of turn things up and decode the
  • 00:55:24
    statistics that reveal the obje AC ity
  • 00:55:26
    behind
  • 00:55:27
    attractiveness but doesn't diminish
  • 00:55:30
    their willingness to engage in protected
  • 00:55:32
    or unprotected sex with those men but
  • 00:55:35
    attractiveness doesn't just end at the
  • 00:55:36
    physical level how much of it is
  • 00:55:39
    everything else third place this is no
  • 00:55:41
    surprise it's contestant number three
  • 00:55:44
    luckily those who know best can easily
  • 00:55:46
    summarize the important stuff into three
  • 00:55:48
    traits that everyone can have control
  • 00:55:50
    over I can encapsulate most of those
  • 00:55:53
    into three really important ones that
  • 00:55:57
    everybody can and should take advantage
  • 00:56:00
    of and as I said earlier in this episode
  • 00:56:02
    that's where this whole series was
  • 00:56:04
    supposed to end but it felt like
  • 00:56:06
    something was
  • 00:56:15
    missing in the span of 4 days things
  • 00:56:17
    went from incredible to a complete Halt
  • 00:56:22
    and in that time not much physically
  • 00:56:25
    changed so that must mean when you first
  • 00:56:29
    mentioned to me this heartbreak you went
  • 00:56:31
    through and how you didn't understand
  • 00:56:33
    why it collapse in the way it did I went
  • 00:56:36
    through our three trait checklist is it
  • 00:56:38
    warmth no you got plenty of warmth is it
  • 00:56:42
    curiosity no I talked to you for like 20
  • 00:56:45
    minutes it wasn't it was clearly not
  • 00:56:47
    curiosity you know and so like my
  • 00:56:49
    instinct will always but even with a
  • 00:56:51
    little bit of information out at the
  • 00:56:52
    time I'm like I think this is a self-
  • 00:56:54
    Fidelity issue
  • 00:56:58
    what I want is this good feeling what I
  • 00:57:00
    want is this particular person and
  • 00:57:03
    because I value that so much let me just
  • 00:57:06
    suppress who I
  • 00:57:07
    am so that I maintain that
  • 00:57:13
    connection honestly it's a it's such a
  • 00:57:15
    core human struggle that conflict
  • 00:57:18
    between acceptance and
  • 00:57:21
    authenticity is it recording now yeah hi
  • 00:57:24
    hi
  • 00:57:27
    the the funny thing is if we stick to
  • 00:57:29
    who we are it doesn't work out sometimes
  • 00:57:31
    but if we don't stick to who we are it
  • 00:57:33
    still doesn't work out yeah and it's
  • 00:57:36
    just there's a bunch of like pain in the
  • 00:57:44
    middle then it was when you told me
  • 00:57:47
    about self- Fidelity again in that
  • 00:57:49
    moment it was like it all clicked CU I
  • 00:57:52
    like looked back on those moments oh
  • 00:57:55
    that was a moment where I didn't I was a
  • 00:57:58
    pushover I didn't one really know
  • 00:58:01
    exactly what I valued so it's hard for
  • 00:58:03
    me to stand up for it totally um and it
  • 00:58:07
    was like I didn't want to anger or
  • 00:58:09
    disagree with that person because I was
  • 00:58:12
    like if this all ends like what's going
  • 00:58:13
    to happen I'm going to I'm going to this
  • 00:58:14
    is it
  • 00:58:18
    right self- Fidelity means faithfulness
  • 00:58:21
    in your own values and confidence is a
  • 00:58:24
    measurement of that faithfulness in
  • 00:58:31
    yourself and even though the goal of the
  • 00:58:34
    last 8 months was to understand physical
  • 00:58:37
    attractiveness honestly my real journey
  • 00:58:39
    was watching this word I've heard all my
  • 00:58:41
    life be redefined for me in real
  • 00:58:51
    time now I thought I was a confident
  • 00:58:54
    person I'm bold in my actions a bit
  • 00:58:58
    cocky and not afraid to take
  • 00:59:02
    risks but it took an insecure trip down
  • 00:59:05
    memory lane today is December 31st 2019
  • 00:59:09
    a shopping Hall with my mom and even now
  • 00:59:12
    I buy St for you too a failed
  • 00:59:14
    relationship and a clinical psychologist
  • 00:59:16
    to reveal to me yeah I still need to
  • 00:59:20
    find what I truly value and learn how to
  • 00:59:22
    own it
  • 00:59:26
    but hey I'm now aware of this journey
  • 00:59:29
    and that's a win because confidence
  • 00:59:32
    really is the most attractive
  • 00:59:34
    trait so yeah if you ask me how to
  • 00:59:38
    become more attractive
  • 00:59:40
    scientifically I could say a lot but
  • 00:59:43
    maybe there's a deeper question you need
  • 00:59:45
    to ask
الوسوم
  • attractiveness
  • self-fidelity
  • curiosity
  • confidence
  • warmth
  • communication
  • dating
  • psychology
  • self-awareness
  • personal growth