00:00:00
AMY GALLO: Are you
a good listener?
00:00:02
No, really.
00:00:02
Are you?
00:00:03
You might think you are because
you stay silent while they're
00:00:07
talking, nod your
head and say mm-hmm,
00:00:10
and repeat back, word for
word, what you heard them say.
00:00:14
This has been standard
management advice
00:00:16
on good listening for ages.
00:00:18
But what if I told you
that following these tips
00:00:21
could leave the listener feeling
unheard or even dismissed?
00:00:25
The truth is that mastering
the art of listening
00:00:28
involves a whole
host of other skills.
00:00:31
You need to do more.
00:00:32
In this video, you'll
learn techniques
00:00:34
that will help you in both
professional and personal
00:00:37
relationships.
00:00:39
Are you ready to be not just a
good listener but a great one?
00:00:43
Let's get started.
00:00:44
00:00:47
The first step after putting
away all distractions,
00:00:50
like cell phones and
laptops, is to recognize
00:00:54
that listening is an active,
noncompetitive, two-way
00:00:59
interaction.
00:01:00
Authors Jack Zenger
and Joseph Folkman
00:01:03
write that we shouldn't be
passive, like a sponge merely
00:01:06
absorbing information.
00:01:08
Instead, we need to
be active listeners,
00:01:11
like a trampoline, giving the
speaker's thoughts height,
00:01:15
acceleration, energy,
and amplification.
00:01:18
But how do you become a
so-called trampoline listener?
00:01:22
First, it's important
to ask yourself,
00:01:25
how do I usually listen?
00:01:27
Maybe you're typically
task-oriented,
00:01:30
focused on efficiency;
or analytical,
00:01:33
aiming to analyze problems
from a neutral perspective;
00:01:36
or relational, building
connections and responding
00:01:40
emotionally; or critical,
perhaps judging both
00:01:43
the content and the speaker.
00:01:45
You may, out of habit, default
to one of these styles in most
00:01:49
situations.
00:01:50
But if you then
ask yourself, why
00:01:52
do I need to listen
right now, you
00:01:54
may realize that a different
mode or a combination of modes
00:01:58
is better suited
for this moment.
00:02:00
Is a family member in
need of emotional support,
00:02:04
or a coworker hoping
for an honest critique?
00:02:07
Reflecting on the goals of each
conversation, what you want,
00:02:11
and what the speaker needs
will help you determine
00:02:14
the best way to listen.
00:02:15
This question can also remind
us to listen without an agenda
00:02:19
so we can process what
the other person is saying
00:02:22
without formulating a response.
00:02:25
At some point in
the conversation,
00:02:26
you'll likely have to
share your perspective.
00:02:29
But for now, take
in what they have
00:02:31
to say without thinking
about what you'll say next.
00:02:34
Another question to ask is,
who is the focus of attention
00:02:38
in the conversation?
00:02:40
Sharing your own
personal stories
00:02:42
can establish connection
and validation.
00:02:45
But you don't want to
steer the conversation away
00:02:47
from the speaker
in a way that makes
00:02:49
them feel dismissed or unheard.
00:02:52
Also, you can ask,
what am I missing?
00:02:56
Remember, good
listening is much more
00:02:58
than nodding, saying
mm-hmm, and parroting back
00:03:02
what you heard the person say.
00:03:04
In reality, speaking up and
asking good questions signals
00:03:08
to the speaker that not only
have you heard what they said,
00:03:12
but you understood it enough
to want more information.
00:03:15
It can also profoundly
changed the conversation.
00:03:18
If you pay attention to
verbal and nonverbal cues,
00:03:21
that may reveal that
the speaker has more
00:03:24
to say than what
appears at face value.
00:03:27
They may be uncertain about
sharing vulnerability,
00:03:30
or they may not even
realize that they're
00:03:32
expressing unexamined emotions.
00:03:35
Asking questions based on
what may have been left unsaid
00:03:38
can show the other person that
you were listening deeply.
00:03:42
It can make them feel
supported and lead
00:03:44
to insight for both of you.
00:03:46
Here's an example.
00:03:47
An employee tells you, I'm
worried about my presentation
00:03:50
for the board meeting.
00:03:51
You might try to naturally
reassure and relate
00:03:55
by saying something like,
oh, you're going to be great.
00:03:57
It took me years before I could
present without being nervous.
00:04:00
Unfortunately, while
you're attempting
00:04:03
to make a connection here,
that kind of response
00:04:06
can actually dismiss
their concerns
00:04:08
without inviting further detail.
00:04:10
It ignores what might be an
important issue underlying
00:04:13
their statement and
switches the focus to you.
00:04:17
To show that you're
listening in a deeper way,
00:04:19
you can say something
like, I was nervous
00:04:21
when I started presenting too.
00:04:23
What's worrying you?
00:04:24
Big difference, right?
00:04:27
When trying to be
a better listener,
00:04:28
another good question
to ask yourself
00:04:30
is, am I getting in my own way?
00:04:33
All too often, we
prevent ourselves
00:04:36
from being able to listen deeply
because of our own insecurities
00:04:40
or head trips.
00:04:41
We might be emotionally
uncomfortable
00:04:43
or worry about how
confident and prepared
00:04:46
we seem to the other person.
00:04:48
With practice, quieting
that internal monologue
00:04:52
will leave space to
actually hear what's
00:04:54
being said by the other person.
00:04:57
So far, we've been
talking about how anyone
00:05:00
can be a better listener.
00:05:01
But if you're a senior leader,
where much more is at stake,
00:05:05
good listening is
an imperative skill.
00:05:08
It's wise to ask, am I
in an information bubble?
00:05:14
Many leaders find themselves
in those information bubbles
00:05:17
because employees are afraid
of questioning, challenging,
00:05:21
second-guessing, or
disappointing them.
00:05:23
They may spin information
in a positive light
00:05:26
to avoid tough conversations
with leadership.
00:05:29
As Kevin Sharer, former CEO
and chairman of Amgen, said,
00:05:34
"If you walk around and see a
bunch of smiling faces and say,
00:05:38
'Gee, everybody looks happy
to me,' you're not listening."
00:05:42
Leaders must develop
the discipline
00:05:44
to listen purely
for comprehension
00:05:46
without judgment,
agenda, or distraction
00:05:49
and actively seek input
from all levels and ranks.
00:05:54
Also, creating an
atmosphere that
00:05:56
prioritizes trust
over hierarchy means
00:06:00
anybody can feel comfortable
sharing information,
00:06:02
whether it's good or bad.
00:06:05
OK.
00:06:05
Let's review.
00:06:07
Most conversations
would benefit if we
00:06:09
could be active, supportive
trampoline listeners instead
00:06:13
of passive information sponges.
00:06:15
To do this, you
can ask yourself,
00:06:18
how do I usually listen?
00:06:19
Reflecting on your
default listening style
00:06:22
can help you assess how to
improve your listening skills.
00:06:25
Why do I need to
listen right now?
00:06:28
Thinking about what
the other person might
00:06:30
need from your conversation
can provide clues
00:06:32
as to how you can best
listen at that moment.
00:06:36
Who is the focus of attention
in the conversation?
00:06:39
Be careful sharing
your own experiences
00:06:42
in an attempt to connect.
00:06:43
You don't want to steer the
conversation away from what
00:06:47
the speaker is trying to say.
00:06:49
What am I missing?
00:06:51
Ask good questions not
only about what is said
00:06:54
but what may be left unsaid.
00:06:58
Am I getting in my own way?
00:07:00
Be careful not to let your own
internal monologue prevent you
00:07:04
from truly being able
to listen deeply.
00:07:06
And for our current and
future senior leaders
00:07:09
out there, ask, am I in
an information bubble?
00:07:12
Practice listening
purely for comprehension.
00:07:15
And create an environment where
employees have opportunities
00:07:18
to share feedback and
feel comfortable doing so.
00:07:22
Thanks for watching.
00:07:23
All of the strategies
that I've shared today
00:07:25
are based on HBR
articles linked below.
00:07:28
Do you have your own strategies
for becoming a better listener?
00:07:31
Or is there a topic you want us
to cover in a future HBR video?
00:07:35
Comment below.
00:07:36
We're listening.
00:07:38
Bye.
