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Subtitles by Salesh.
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It is very common for us to have a difference
of opinion with our loved ones.
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But if two people are religiously or politically divided...
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Then how can we manage the relationship?
I saw this question on Social media a long time ago
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There were so many answers to this.
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This felt very new as we express a lot of things through
social media.
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I can very well support something
which you do not like.
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or vice versa.
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This is not a big problem
when we are strangers.
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We will dismiss it as a third person's thoughts.
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But if the person is our partner
or our closest friend.
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It could very well be our parents or siblings.
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When we have polar opposite opinions
with the people whom we love...
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or when we have different religious or spiritual opinion...
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Then how will the family dynamics be in such
a scenario?
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We see these differences more across generations than in
relationships.
Our parents strongly believe certain things.
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We might have differences of opinion regarding that
and we might not have voiced it out.
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After a point, we start talking about it
or try to explain to them.
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That might backfire and remain a hindrance
to our relationship.
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The book 'Maps for Lost Lovers'
written by Nadeem Aslam
is based on this predicament.
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He is from Pakistan.
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But the author and his family settled down in UK
when he was very young.
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The book talks about differences due to generational gap.
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It also talks about two different cultures.
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If we come across a family who is going abroad
from India...
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NRIs seem to put more effort to be in touch
with their culture than the Indians who live in India.
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While we have changed ourselves and become more Westernized...
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while those living abroad might still be following Indian culture.
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As we live in India which is our motherland...
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There is no need to put any effort to hold on to our culture.
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But as we move abroad, we are not in touch with Indian culture...
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One way of holding on to the country
you came from is to hold on to the culture.
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It is also one way of holding onto your past
and your childhood.
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There is the fear of holding onto an alien culture
while letting go of our own.
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We fear that our children might change.
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So, the cultural imbalance is stronger in some families.
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In this book, one particular family
had migrated from Pakistan to UK.
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They shift to an area filled with Pakistanis, Indians
and Bangladeshis.
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Though all of them are settled here,
they try to hold onto their own country values.
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They try to follow what was told to them
in their respective countries.
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While strictly adhering to the practices of their country
people become extremists.
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What happens to the family in such cases
is explored in the book.
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The principal characters are Jugnu and Chanda.
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Chanda is not divorced yet. But she is awaiting divorce.
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She is not able to get a divorce easily
because of strict rules.
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Jugnu is a more liberal person though
all his family members are devoted Muslims.
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Chanda and Jugnu are in love
and are in the UK.
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And they start living together.
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Chanda's family are against this.
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The people in that place adhered to values
which are very similar.
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It consists of different places of worship
and people belonging to different religions.
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But their mindset is similar as they are all from
similar backgrounds.
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Chanda's family believes that her love
has brought dishonour to the family.
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as they are being taunted by others regarding this.
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They run a departmental store in Chanda's name
which is very popular in the neighbourhood.
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Her name is taken often to avoid unnecessary
talks by others.
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Chanda had written about this in her diary.
'I feel as if I am being erased'
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Her family is angry towards her as they are disrespected
because of her choice of relationship.
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The name of Jugnu's brother is Shamas.
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Shamas and Kaukab have been married for years.
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They have 3 Children.
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Kaukab is an extermist person
and is very religious.
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She hates anything which questions her religion.
Shamas is an atheist.
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There is understanding within the family.
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But this is now a problem between the couple
even as they have shifted to the UK.
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Their children are brought up in the UK.
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Kaukab regrets coming to the UK
while bringing up the children.
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She feels that the country lacks culture.
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And that people are not religious.
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What will happen to their children
as this is not like their country.
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The practices here are contradictory
to her beliefs.
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She finds it very difficult to adjust to the UK.
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The children are born to a very religious mother
but they are in a country where things are different.
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Struggling without finding a balance
between the two is a problem.
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The children will definitely have a difference of opinion
regarding religion because of the way they are brought up.
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They feel that their mother's practices
and instructions are extreme
and they walk out of the family.
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Kaukab lives a lonely life as Shamas has
to go to work.
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After many years her three children
reunite at home as she wanted.
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Charag and Ujala are the sons
Majabin is the daughter.
Charag is married and has a kid.
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In a way, it is a celebration as the house is filled
after many years.
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But there is this void.
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The void being filled is described beautifully.
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'When she goes upstairs to the bathroom
immediately after Charag had been there...
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to wash his face...
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She notices that the linoleum is warm
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where he had been standing just now.
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And she has to steady her heart
with joyful fingers'
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Her cold cold house is full of children again'
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There is warmth in unexpected places'
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While Kaukab was a very religious woman,
Her husband and her children are questioning the religion.
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And she believes that there is no space for her religion
in the country where she lives.
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Her own children felt alienated for her.
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She seeks help from religious leaders and forces
the solutions offered by them on her children.
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Some of these things backfire because
of lack of understanding.
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How does she manage when her children question this?
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The author of this book knows a lot about Pakistan.
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He has been an immigrant.
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As he knows about Islam,
he has questioned Islam.
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But I believe this applies to every other religion
and not just one religion.
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There are people who practice religion blindly
without understanding the consequences.
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and whether it's right or wrong.
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Some people question the religion
but will still stand up for it.
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Some people question all religions
and prefer to be an atheist.
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It is not about Who vs Who.
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It is about the complexity of human emotions.
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How it is all being played out?
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When I have believed something to be wrong right
from my childhood... How do I react when my
loved ones do it?
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That is one question. When I am forbidden to do something
right from my childhood...
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What if I want to stand up for myself at a certain point?
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Even if it is about standing against
my own parents and loved ones.
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Then what would I do?
What if my beliefs are different
from that of my family or loved ones?
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This book explores the complexity of human emotions.
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And there are so many things to read.
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It took me more than 10 hours to complete this book.
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The prose and poetry was so good
especially the usage of words.
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The sayings were all so good.
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We can't point out any character
as the villain.
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Neither can we support.
We can empathize with a lot of characters in the book.
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So, you should pick up this book and read.
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If the book aligns with your thoughts...
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Sometimes you might be aligned to your religious values
Sometimes you would not be aligned to your religious values.
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Sometimes there is a misunderstanding
or a lot of anger.
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Sometimes there is a lot of thirst for freedom.
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If you are yearning for all this
you can pick up the book and read.
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You can buy and read this book
by clicking the link in the description.
