00:00:00
[Music]
00:00:04
have you ever wondered why you remain
00:00:06
trapped in a relationship that hurts you
00:00:08
you know you are unhappy that this
00:00:11
relationship drains your energy that the
00:00:13
other person will never change and yet
00:00:16
you stay you have tried to leave you
00:00:20
have promised that this time would be
00:00:22
different but something always pulls you
00:00:24
back why what makes even the suffering
00:00:28
not enough to make you leave the answer
00:00:30
is not in the other person it's not
00:00:33
because they manipulated you so well
00:00:35
that you lost the ability to make
00:00:37
decisions it's not because you love them
00:00:39
so much that you can't leave it's not
00:00:42
because things were good once and might
00:00:44
be good again the truth is that the
00:00:47
problem lies in what this relationship
00:00:50
has awakened in you in what it is
00:00:53
reinforced in what it has
00:00:56
activated toxic relationships are not
00:00:58
just about fights lies and manipulation
00:01:02
they are about unconscious patterns
00:01:04
about Old Wounds that never healed about
00:01:07
the fear of being alone about the need
00:01:09
for validation about the Vicious Cycle
00:01:12
of confusion and hope you are not
00:01:15
trapped by the person you are trapped by
00:01:17
what this relationship makes you feel
00:01:20
and that's exactly why ending it is not
00:01:23
enough you might even manage to distance
00:01:25
yourself physically but something inside
00:01:27
you keeps coming back reminding you you
00:01:30
of the good moments justifying the bad
00:01:32
ones wondering if you should try one
00:01:35
more time because the problem has never
00:01:37
been just the
00:01:38
relationship the problem is the
00:01:40
psychological bond that was created a
00:01:43
bond so powerful that it Alters your
00:01:46
perception making you accept things you
00:01:48
once swore you would never tolerate but
00:01:51
enough is enough this video is not meant
00:01:55
to make you feel guilty it's not to say
00:01:57
that you are weak or lack willpower
00:02:00
on the contrary this video is to help
00:02:03
you understand what is really happening
00:02:07
to give you Clarity because when you
00:02:09
understand you regain control and it is
00:02:13
only with control that you can truly
00:02:15
leave so pay attention if any part of
00:02:19
you feels trapped unable to leave even
00:02:22
though you know you should this video is
00:02:24
for you in the end you will understand
00:02:27
exactly why this cycle repeats itself
00:02:30
yourself and more importantly you will
00:02:32
know how to break it let's get
00:02:37
started why do some people seem to
00:02:39
repeatedly fall into toxic relationships
00:02:42
While others manage to walk away without
00:02:44
looking back the answer lies in how we
00:02:48
learn to love love is not something that
00:02:52
simply happens it is shaped built
00:02:56
conditioned and to understand why you
00:02:58
feel so attached to someone who hurts
00:03:01
you we need to talk about something
00:03:03
essential
00:03:05
attachment from the moment we are born
00:03:08
we seek
00:03:09
Connection in our early years of life
00:03:12
our brains are programmed to associate
00:03:14
safety and well-being with how we
00:03:17
receive affection if we grow up in an
00:03:20
environment where love and care are
00:03:23
always available in a healthy way we
00:03:25
learn that relationships are safe and
00:03:28
trustworthy but if affection comes mixed
00:03:31
with coldness rejection
00:03:35
inconsistency or even abuse our minds
00:03:38
learn something else that love is
00:03:42
unstable
00:03:43
unpredictable something we have to fight
00:03:45
to
00:03:46
deserve and there lies the problem if
00:03:49
you grew up in an environment where love
00:03:51
and pain went hand in hand your mind
00:03:55
internalized this Dynamic this means
00:03:59
that when you meet someone who treats
00:04:00
you well all the time it may seem boring
00:04:04
artificial even false but when you
00:04:07
encounter someone who gives you
00:04:09
affection in controlled doses who one
00:04:11
day makes you feel loved and the next
00:04:13
ignores you your brain recognizes this
00:04:16
pattern it Associates this cycle of
00:04:19
uncertainty with what it learned to call
00:04:23
love this is the danger of the emotional
00:04:27
trap you are not just in love with the
00:04:29
person person you are attached to what
00:04:31
they represent for you they awaken
00:04:34
something old within you a familiar
00:04:36
feeling an unconscious desire to prove
00:04:39
that this time you will be enough that
00:04:42
this time love will win that this time
00:04:47
rejection will turn into
00:04:50
acceptance and this leads us to one of
00:04:52
the biggest reasons why it is so
00:04:54
difficult to leave a toxic relationship
00:04:57
the fear of loss
00:05:00
when your attachment has been built on
00:05:01
uncertainty the idea of losing that
00:05:04
person becomes
00:05:06
unbearable not because you can't live
00:05:08
without them but because you feel you
00:05:11
need to resolve this story that you need
00:05:13
to prove you can make it work that you
00:05:16
need in some way to convince this person
00:05:19
to give you what you have always wanted
00:05:22
but here's the truth you don't need to
00:05:25
prove anything to anyone this
00:05:27
relationship is not a test of your
00:05:29
ability to be loved the problem is not
00:05:33
with you and the solution is not with
00:05:35
the other person either the first step
00:05:38
to getting out of this trap is to see
00:05:40
what is happening and this brings us to
00:05:43
the next point if emotional attachment
00:05:46
creates this trap what exactly keeps you
00:05:49
stuck in it there is a psychological
00:05:52
mechanism that acts like an addiction
00:05:54
and makes the suffering within this
00:05:56
relationship seem in some way rewarding
00:05:59
ing this mechanism is called
00:06:02
intermittent reinforcement and
00:06:05
understanding how it works may be the
00:06:06
key to Breaking this cycle if this
00:06:08
content is making sense to you click the
00:06:11
Subscribe button and subscribe to the
00:06:12
channel thank you for your
00:06:16
support have you ever noticed that no
00:06:19
matter how painful this relationship is
00:06:22
there are moments when everything seems
00:06:24
perfect those rare instances when the
00:06:27
other person is exactly who you want
00:06:29
them to be when it feels like everything
00:06:32
is finally going to
00:06:34
change you cling to those moments
00:06:37
reliving every detail convincing
00:06:39
yourself that this is the true essence
00:06:42
of the
00:06:43
relationship and that the rest are just
00:06:45
obstacles that can be
00:06:48
overcome but this is not love this is
00:06:52
addiction and what keeps this addiction
00:06:54
alive is a powerful psychological
00:06:57
phenomenon called intermittent reinfor
00:07:00
enforcement the concept comes from BF
00:07:02
Skinner's studies on behavior and
00:07:05
conditioning in experiments with animals
00:07:08
Skinner discovered that the most
00:07:09
effective way to keep someone hooked on
00:07:12
a habit was to reward them unpredictably
00:07:16
instead of giving food every time a rat
00:07:18
pressed a lever scientists began to give
00:07:21
food only occasionally without a defined
00:07:24
pattern the
00:07:26
result the rats became obsessed they
00:07:30
press the lever repeatedly desperate for
00:07:32
the next reward unable to stop now
00:07:36
replace the rats with human beings and
00:07:38
the lever with your relationship it
00:07:40
works the same way if the other person
00:07:43
were cruel all the time leaving would be
00:07:45
easy but they give you small random
00:07:48
doses of affection making you keep
00:07:50
trying always hoping for the next
00:07:53
emotional reward and the most perverse
00:07:56
thing about this mechanism is that it
00:07:58
trains you to accept less and
00:08:02
less in the beginning you might have
00:08:05
demanded respect reciprocity commitment
00:08:09
but after so many ups and downs your
00:08:11
standard changes you start to accept
00:08:14
crumbs Because deep down you just want
00:08:17
to relive those good moments you
00:08:19
convince yourself that if you try hard
00:08:21
enough if you are patient if you change
00:08:24
something about yourself the other
00:08:26
person will finally return to who they
00:08:28
were at the beginning
00:08:30
but that is the
00:08:32
Trap this relationship was never about
00:08:35
love it was about
00:08:38
control the toxic person consciously or
00:08:41
unconsciously understood that keeping
00:08:44
you trapped doesn't require constant
00:08:46
affection but rather the right dosage of
00:08:49
warmth and coldness enough to keep you
00:08:52
trying and that's why leaving hurts so
00:08:54
much because it's not just the end of
00:08:57
the relationship it's the end end of
00:08:59
Hope the end of the possibility that
00:09:03
everything will change one
00:09:06
day and accepting that is painful but
00:09:11
necessary because as long as you keep
00:09:13
playing this game your identity will
00:09:16
dissolve you will lose sight of what you
00:09:19
deserve you will start to doubt yourself
00:09:22
you will be slowly conditioned to accept
00:09:25
less to expect less to be less and the
00:09:29
worst part is that often the other
00:09:31
person still makes you believe that the
00:09:34
fault is yours that you are exaggerating
00:09:38
that none of this is really happening
00:09:41
and if you have ever found yourself
00:09:44
questioning your own sanity feeling that
00:09:47
maybe it's all in your head then you
00:09:49
need to understand the next concept
00:09:53
gaslighting projection and emotional
00:09:57
manipulation the psychological weapon
00:10:00
that destroy your perception of
00:10:03
reality if you've ever found yourself
00:10:06
asking am I exaggerating am I the
00:10:09
problem maybe I'm going crazy then
00:10:12
you've already felt the effects of
00:10:14
psychological manipulation and among all
00:10:17
forms of manipulation few are as
00:10:20
devastating as
00:10:22
gaslighting gaslighting is when someone
00:10:24
distorts reality to the point of making
00:10:26
you doubt your own feelings memories and
00:10:29
even your sanity it is an extremely
00:10:33
effective control technique because it
00:10:35
puts you in a constant state of Doubt
00:10:37
making it harder to recognize the abuse
00:10:40
and even harder to escape from it here's
00:10:43
how it works you notice something wrong
00:10:45
in the relationship perhaps a strange
00:10:48
Behavior a contradiction a lie and
00:10:50
confront the other person but instead of
00:10:53
taking
00:10:54
responsibility they flip the situation
00:10:57
they accuse you of exaggeration
00:11:00
paranoia of creating problems where none
00:11:03
exist phrases like you always
00:11:06
misunderstand everything wow you're so
00:11:09
sensitive that never happened you're
00:11:12
imagining things start to become common
00:11:15
over time you begin to doubt yourself
00:11:18
you replay conversations in your head
00:11:20
try to remember details seek evidence to
00:11:23
validate your feelings but with each new
00:11:26
confrontation the Distortion of real
00:11:29
realityy
00:11:31
intensifies what once seemed obvious now
00:11:34
feels uncertain and the more you doubt
00:11:37
your own perception the more dependent
00:11:39
you become on the other person to Define
00:11:42
what is real and what is not gaslighting
00:11:47
is just one of the tools used in toxic
00:11:50
relationships another powerful weapon is
00:11:53
projection here the person transfers
00:11:56
their own flaws and behaviors onto you
00:11:59
if they lie they accuse you of being
00:12:01
dishonest if they're Unfaithful they
00:12:04
accuse you of cheating if they're
00:12:07
aggressive they say you are the one
00:12:10
provoking
00:12:11
them and the
00:12:14
cruestv him begins to believe these
00:12:17
accusations taking on guilt that isn't
00:12:19
theirs and carrying an emotional burden
00:12:22
they should never have to
00:12:24
bear the goal of these manipulations is
00:12:27
not just to deflect respons ability but
00:12:30
to put you in a state of confusion and
00:12:33
emotional exhaustion because when you
00:12:35
are emotionally drained it becomes
00:12:38
easier to control you when your
00:12:40
self-esteem is shattered you accept any
00:12:43
crumbs of affection as a reward when
00:12:46
your perception of reality has been
00:12:48
altered you stop trusting yourself and
00:12:51
start trusting the other person
00:12:54
blindly and this leads us to an even
00:12:56
deeper question why do you continue to
00:12:59
accept all of this if it is already so
00:13:03
clear that this relationship is
00:13:05
destroying you why is the fear of
00:13:07
leaving still so great the answer lies
00:13:11
in one of the most powerful factors that
00:13:13
keeps a person trapped in a toxic
00:13:16
relationship the fear of loneliness and
00:13:19
the illusion that love can change
00:13:24
someone have you ever found yourself
00:13:27
thinking but what if I never find
00:13:29
another person or what if no one else
00:13:32
loves me have you ever caught yourself
00:13:34
believing that if you just try a little
00:13:37
harder have a bit more patience or
00:13:39
change something about
00:13:41
yourself maybe this relationship will
00:13:44
finally
00:13:46
work if so then you have been a victim
00:13:49
of one of the biggest factors that keep
00:13:51
people trapped in toxic relationships
00:13:54
the fear of loneliness and the illusion
00:13:56
of
00:13:57
change the fear of loneliness is not
00:14:01
irrational it has deep roots in our
00:14:04
psyche since childhood we are taught
00:14:07
that being alone is a Bad Thing
00:14:09
something to be avoided at all costs
00:14:12
Society reinforces this all the time
00:14:15
movies songs social media everything
00:14:18
tells us that being loved is our
00:14:19
ultimate goal as if being single is a
00:14:23
failure as if not having someone is
00:14:25
proof that something is wrong with you
00:14:29
now combine that fear with a
00:14:31
relationship that has destroyed your
00:14:34
self-esteem a relationship where you
00:14:36
were conditioned to believe that no one
00:14:37
else would understand you that no one
00:14:40
else would accept you the way this
00:14:41
person does that no one else would love
00:14:44
you like this the result you convince
00:14:48
yourself that leaving would be a mistake
00:14:51
that it would be better to endure what
00:14:53
is bad than to risk being
00:14:55
alone but what if I told you that what
00:14:58
you you are feeling is not fear of
00:15:01
loneliness that what you are actually
00:15:03
feeling is emotional
00:15:06
withdrawal toxic relationships create a
00:15:09
state of dependency similar to addiction
00:15:12
you are not just attached to the person
00:15:15
you are trapped by hope you remember the
00:15:18
person they were at the beginning those
00:15:21
moments when everything seemed perfect
00:15:24
and you believe that if you just hold on
00:15:26
a little longer that version of them
00:15:29
will return you rationalize the bad
00:15:31
moments justifying them as temporary
00:15:34
phases you cling to empty promises to
00:15:38
sweet words spoken at the right moments
00:15:41
and ignore the reality of their actions
00:15:44
this is not love this is the illusion of
00:15:49
change the problem is that real change
00:15:52
does not happen because you wanted to it
00:15:55
doesn't happen because you love enough
00:15:59
it doesn't happen because you have
00:16:00
sacrificed yourself to the point of
00:16:02
having nothing left true change only
00:16:06
happens when the person recognizes the
00:16:08
problem and has a genuine desire to
00:16:11
transform and let's be honest how many
00:16:14
times has this person promised to change
00:16:17
how many times have you heard excuses
00:16:20
how many times have you believed that
00:16:22
this time would be different if nothing
00:16:25
changes it's because this relationship
00:16:27
was never meant to change change and
00:16:30
accepting that hurts it hurts because it
00:16:33
means giving up hope it hurts because it
00:16:37
means facing the emptiness left by
00:16:39
something that consumed so much of your
00:16:41
life it hurts because it means admitting
00:16:44
that you invested time energy and love
00:16:47
in something that never had a future but
00:16:50
this pain is temporary the pain of
00:16:53
continuing that is eternal but leaving a
00:16:56
toxic relationship is not just about
00:16:58
deciding to walk away if it were that
00:17:01
simple you would have done it already to
00:17:05
truly leave you need to break the
00:17:07
emotional bond reprogram your mind and
00:17:10
rebuild your
00:17:12
identity and that is exactly what we
00:17:14
will talk about next how to break the
00:17:17
cycle and start the process of emotional
00:17:24
detoxification have you ever noticed
00:17:26
that even knowing that this relation
00:17:29
ship is destroying you something inside
00:17:32
you still
00:17:33
hesitates even when the pain becomes
00:17:36
unbearable there's still that voice
00:17:38
saying what if I'm making a mistake or
00:17:43
what if I never feel something like this
00:17:46
again this happens because leaving a
00:17:49
toxic relationship is not just a
00:17:52
rational decision it's not enough to
00:17:55
understand that this relationship is
00:17:56
harmful to you you need need to
00:17:59
reprogram the way your brain Associates
00:18:01
love validation and even your own
00:18:04
identity you need to go through a true
00:18:07
process of emotional
00:18:09
detoxification yes
00:18:11
detoxification because this relationship
00:18:13
functioned like a drug every little dose
00:18:16
of affection was a reinforcement to keep
00:18:19
you
00:18:20
trapped every moment of Hope was an
00:18:23
addictive stimulus and now just like an
00:18:26
addiction you need to cut this cyle
00:18:29
definitively to regain your freedom but
00:18:32
how to do that how to finally break this
00:18:35
bond that seems
00:18:37
unbreakable step one the total break the
00:18:42
no
00:18:43
contact if you want to truly heal you
00:18:46
cannot maintain contact and that means
00:18:49
no messages no calls no let stay friends
00:18:53
any contact you have with this person
00:18:55
reactivates the emotional conditioning
00:18:57
and pulls you back into the spiral of
00:18:59
confusion you might think but what if he
00:19:02
or she changes what if he realizes what
00:19:06
he
00:19:07
lost but here's the truth if this person
00:19:10
were capable of changing they would have
00:19:13
already done it if they truly valued you
00:19:16
they wouldn't have brought you to this
00:19:18
point what they feel is not regret it's
00:19:22
fear of losing control over you and
00:19:24
maybe you think but I just want closure
00:19:28
you don't need that you already know
00:19:30
everything you need to know the closure
00:19:33
you want is not an answer it's a last
00:19:36
reason to stay so cut it cut everything
00:19:39
block them on your phone leave social
00:19:41
media don't accept crumbs and get ready
00:19:44
because when you finally do this the
00:19:46
emotional withdrawal will hit hard step
00:19:50
two endure the withdrawal without
00:19:53
relapses in the first few days you will
00:19:56
feel an emptiness your brain has been
00:19:59
conditioned to seek this person to Feel
00:20:02
Complete so their absence may seem
00:20:06
unbearable but this is not longing this
00:20:10
is
00:20:11
withdrawal the problem is that your
00:20:13
brain will try to convince you to go
00:20:16
back you will only remember the good
00:20:18
moments forget the suffering and think
00:20:21
maybe I
00:20:23
overreacted but that's just your
00:20:25
addiction trying to pull you
00:20:27
back the best way to get through this
00:20:29
phase is to replace the old pattern with
00:20:31
a new one fill that emptiness with
00:20:34
something else get into a routine that
00:20:37
keeps you busy
00:20:40
exercise read hang out with friends who
00:20:43
make you feel good and above all don't
00:20:46
romanticize the past make a list of
00:20:49
everything this person did to hurt you
00:20:51
and reread it whenever you feel like
00:20:54
going back step three rebuild your
00:20:57
identity
00:20:59
toxic relationships destroy self-esteem
00:21:02
you've gotten used to seeing yourself
00:21:04
Through The Eyes of the other you were
00:21:06
taught to believe that you are not
00:21:07
enough that you will never be truly
00:21:10
loved that you need to change to be
00:21:13
accepted now it's time to reprogram
00:21:17
yourself you need to ask yourself who
00:21:20
was I before this relationship what did
00:21:22
I like what made me happy what did I
00:21:26
abandon to fit into this relationship
00:21:29
recovering means rediscovering
00:21:32
yourself it means finding your voice
00:21:35
your desires your autonomy again you
00:21:39
don't need a relationship to be whole
00:21:42
this idea was planted in your head by a
00:21:44
society that profits from your
00:21:48
insecurity but the truth is that the
00:21:50
love that truly matters and the only one
00:21:53
that can heal you is self-love and
00:21:57
that's exactly what we will talk about
00:21:59
now because leaving a toxic relationship
00:22:02
is not the end it's the beginning of
00:22:05
something much greater and true
00:22:07
Liberation only happens when you finally
00:22:11
Choose
00:22:15
Yourself there comes a moment when you
00:22:17
need to make a decision to continue
00:22:20
destroying yourself in the name of a
00:22:22
love that was never real or finally
00:22:25
choose yourself because in the end
00:22:29
it doesn't matter what the other person
00:22:30
feels it doesn't matter what they
00:22:32
promised it doesn't matter how many
00:22:35
times they said they would
00:22:37
change what really matters is what you
00:22:40
accept for your life and maybe at that
00:22:44
moment you still feel doubt maybe that
00:22:47
voice inside you is still saying but
00:22:50
what if it's
00:22:52
different what if I'm
00:22:55
exaggerating what if I never find
00:22:57
someone else
00:22:59
that voice is not yours that voice was
00:23:02
implanted over time reinforced by every
00:23:05
crumb of affection you were made to
00:23:07
accept by every cycle of manipulation
00:23:10
that destroyed your
00:23:12
self-confidence by every time you put
00:23:14
your own well-being second to please
00:23:17
someone who never truly cared about you
00:23:20
but now you know now you see now you
00:23:24
have a choice and I need to be direct
00:23:27
with you no one is going to save you no
00:23:31
answer will come out of nowhere no
00:23:33
divine revelation will free you from
00:23:35
this cycle either you make this decision
00:23:39
or you keep repeating this pattern until
00:23:41
there is nothing left of you because
00:23:43
that is the fate of those who remain in
00:23:46
a toxic relationship an emotional
00:23:49
exhaustion so great that you completely
00:23:52
Lose Yourself you stop knowing who you
00:23:55
are what you like what you want you
00:23:58
reduce yourself to a secondary role in
00:24:00
someone else's life and when you realize
00:24:03
this it may be too late so stop choose
00:24:07
to leave choose to break the cycle
00:24:11
choose to rebuild yourself and don't
00:24:14
think that this means it will be easy on
00:24:17
the contrary the first days will be the
00:24:20
hardest you will miss them you will want
00:24:22
to go back you will question if you did
00:24:24
the right thing but over time something
00:24:28
incredible will happen the fog will
00:24:31
start to lift your mind will become
00:24:34
clearer you will realize that that love
00:24:37
was never love you will remember who you
00:24:40
were before this relationship and then
00:24:43
one day without warning you will wake up
00:24:47
and realize that you are finally free
00:24:50
but to get there you need to take the
00:24:54
first step you need to make this choice
00:24:58
now and I want to know what affected you
00:25:02
the most in this video what part made
00:25:04
you see something that perhaps wasn't so
00:25:07
clear before leave it in the comments
00:25:10
because your experience can help others
00:25:12
who are going through exactly what you
00:25:14
went through and more importantly keep
00:25:17
watching the next video is essential for
00:25:20
your process if you made it this far you
00:25:24
need to see it trust me you can't stop
00:25:27
now
00:25:32
[Music]
