00:00:06
I am a survivor...
00:00:09
of genocide.
00:00:12
Because I know a lot
that didn't make it.
00:00:16
So many committed suicide
00:00:20
when they came out
of that school.
00:00:22
And, a lot of us turned
to alcohol to forget...
00:00:27
and died from it.
00:00:29
♪
00:00:37
♪ [country]
00:00:42
My name is Sarain Fox.
00:00:45
I'm an Indigenous
artist and activist.
00:00:48
It's almost summertime
in the heat of
00:00:50
the COVID-19 pandemic,
00:00:52
and I'm on my way
to my reserve,
00:00:54
in Batchewana,
00:00:55
to see my Auntie,
Mary Belle.
00:00:58
I live 800 kilometres away,
near Toronto,
00:01:01
and I imagine she
is waiting for me
00:01:03
on her old rocker
in Goulais Bay.
00:01:06
We're losing our
elders right now,
00:01:08
and our elders are
our knowledge keepers.
00:01:12
Our women
lead our families.
00:01:14
My Auntie is a residential
school survivor and
00:01:18
is our oldest
surviving matriarch.
00:01:21
She's a
grandmother to me.
00:01:23
She holds the
family's history:
00:01:25
our stories, our trauma,
our truth.
00:01:30
She does the work that
women have always done...
00:01:33
they carry life.
00:01:35
My Auntie worked in
the trenches of the
00:01:37
Truth and Reconciliation
Commission,
00:01:40
and documenting the stories
of residential school
00:01:43
survivors for
our communities.
00:01:46
She carries a lot of
truth and a lot of pain.
00:01:50
And now that she's an elder,
she's only focused on
00:01:53
how the story will
carry on for us.
00:01:56
We are people of our land,
and people of our stories.
00:02:00
We didn't record them.
00:02:02
Instead, we made
the effort to listen.
00:02:05
My job, as the
youngest in our family,
00:02:08
is to carry on her ways,
her stories,
00:02:12
and her dreams.
00:02:14
♪
00:02:24
Alright...
00:02:26
Special request.
00:02:29
Whoa, wait.
She's reclining.
00:02:33
I've actually tried to buy
her a chair several times.
00:02:35
So, put it right here.
00:02:36
What she wanted was
a very specific chair.
00:02:39
She wanted a
La-Z-Boy recliner
00:02:40
that had heat and massage.
00:02:45
Hi, you ready
for your surprise?
00:02:47
You can just
leave this here.
00:02:49
Oh, hi.
(laughing)
00:02:52
- Alright.
- More and more.
00:02:53
So, just watch this guy
and then you should be good.
00:02:57
Alright.
00:02:58
(gasps)
Oh, my goodness!
00:03:02
- Did you get that, my girl?
- Yeah!
00:03:04
Oh, my gosh!
That's beautiful!
00:03:07
This was the last one
with heat and massage...
00:03:10
in the whole country.
00:03:12
Really?
Oh, yes.
00:03:16
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, that's for sure.
00:03:19
This is gonna be my
new way of dancing.
00:03:22
And if you wanted to,
you could...lay.
00:03:24
[voice vibrating]
Oh, yes. Oh, oh, my.
00:03:28
Oh, can you hear my voice?
00:03:30
(laughing)
00:03:31
In regards to COVID-19,
she just let us just like
00:03:34
take over her space and,
00:03:35
she felt really safe
right away.
00:03:38
♪
00:03:41
We're here at my
Auntie Mary's house and,
00:03:43
I'm gonna set up camp,
so I'm gonna be here
00:03:44
for the next
couple weeks and...
00:03:46
growing up, this was always
my favourite place to be, so...
00:03:49
We're gonna set up
home, home base.
00:03:54
This is not regular
times on the res.
00:03:56
This is a
pandemic-centric view of
00:04:00
what's happening right now.
00:04:03
We had things we needed to
do because of COVID-19
00:04:06
that we wouldn't have
otherwise have had to do.
00:04:08
That included
getting tested,
00:04:10
talking about parameters,
meeting with the Chief to
00:04:12
understand the situation.
00:04:14
There actually was
a reported case
00:04:16
two days before we got
up here and so,
00:04:19
because of that, some
of the restrictions that
00:04:21
had been lifted were
actually reinstated.
00:04:24
So, we arrived in
a different space.
00:04:26
The Chief was very
concerned and asked us
00:04:29
to get COVID tested again.
00:04:31
♪
00:04:37
(TV dialogue)
00:04:39
Oh, look at this.
No squeaking.
00:04:45
No squeaking.
00:04:48
Sarain:
(indistinct speaking)
00:04:50
I experienced the
worst racism as a kid,
00:04:53
when I was in...
00:04:54
when I was in
residential school.
00:04:57
They had no pity about
telling us little kids that
00:05:01
there were devils
on our reserve and,
00:05:06
persuaded us not to
return to our reserve
00:05:08
when we left school.
00:05:10
In my mind, I figured,
oh, my god,
00:05:13
why do they keep
saying that?
00:05:15
You know, my mum
was never like that.
00:05:17
My mum never drank,
she never swore.
00:05:20
She was a good mum.
00:05:22
They abolished our
culture because
00:05:25
that's what they
were afraid of.
00:05:27
Our spirituality
is very, very...
00:05:30
powerful and, it's a time
for us to speak up and
00:05:34
get this history
straightened out.
00:05:38
Well, I could
say a lot more,
00:05:40
but I don't know
how much I can...
00:05:42
how much they allow
me to say anything.
00:05:45
Sarain: Who's "they"?
Mary: Government.
00:05:47
Sarain: You can say
whatever you want.
00:05:49
Mary: 'Cause government
usually
00:05:52
will make you take this off.
00:05:54
Sarain: I don't work
for the government.
00:05:56
(laughing)
00:05:57
Sarain: The CBC is a
public broadcaster and
00:05:59
they're interested in truth,
so you don't have to feel like
00:06:02
you have to hide your truth.
00:06:05
♪
00:06:10
Mary: My mother,
all she said to me is,
00:06:14
"You're gonna go somewhere
where there are going to be
00:06:16
a lot of girls and
you're going to have lots,
00:06:18
and lots of friends."
00:06:20
Being seven or eight,
00:06:22
I really never put a
full thought to it.
00:06:26
And she didn't
bring it up again,
00:06:28
not a word of anything.
00:06:32
Nothing.
Not even the day we left.
00:06:38
As young as I was,
I got all--
00:06:41
I was all happy about it.
00:06:42
I figured, oh,
I'm going for a train ride!
00:06:45
My little brother, Sonny,
was along, too.
00:06:49
He was just waiting for the,
for the train to pull in.
00:06:52
♪
00:06:55
And when it did,
00:06:57
my mother helped us
on the train.
00:06:59
Him and I were
sitting together,
00:07:01
she made sure.
00:07:02
Soon, we could hear
the conductor saying,
00:07:05
"All aboard!
All aboard!"
00:07:08
She said,
"You will be right back.
00:07:11
And I'll be waiting
here for you."
00:07:13
It doesn't even dawn on me
my mother's
00:07:16
getting off the train, going to
wait for us to come back.
00:07:20
The train pulled out.
I'm thinking to myself,
00:07:23
oh, this is a really
nice train ride.
00:07:26
I'm all excited.
00:07:28
After a little while,
I start thinking,
00:07:31
this train is
going fairly fast.
00:07:34
I wonder when it's
going to turn around.
00:07:37
I'm looking outside,
watching the scenery going by
00:07:41
and,
daylight is starting to fade.
00:07:46
By then,
I'm starting to realize
00:07:50
this train is not turning around
like it's supposed to.
00:07:54
It started getting scary.
00:07:57
Oh, and that's your mum?
00:07:59
Sarain: Yeah, she's texting you.
00:08:01
"Okay, Auntie..."
00:08:05
"On our way."
00:08:06
Sarain: She's coming?
Mary: That's what she's saying.
00:08:09
Sarain: Hold on. Let's say
'hi' to her before we wrap.
00:08:12
Mary: "On our way."
00:08:17
Phone: Hi, my baby girl.
How are you doing?
00:08:20
Hi, Mom! Hold on. I'm going
to give Auntie the phone.
00:08:23
I'll put it right here. One sec.
Can you pass me that cup?
00:08:27
Mary: Oh, my gosh!
(laughing)
00:08:30
- Well, hi!
- Are you having fun?
00:08:33
Oh, yeah.
Oh, definitely.
00:08:36
You know, Sarain, she's
always full of surprises.
00:08:39
(chuckles)
00:08:40
I certainly do.
00:08:41
I'm going to give her a
new name in Anishinabe.
00:08:44
I'm gonna call
her Surprise Girl.
00:08:45
(laughing)
00:08:48
Okay, I just
love, love, love,
00:08:50
love seeing you, my Auntie.
00:08:52
Aw!
00:08:53
And, I am, I am going
to make my way there.
00:08:56
Make sure you smudge,
beauty.
00:08:59
Yes, we just
finished smudging.
00:09:02
- Alright, I love you.
- I love you too, my girl.
00:09:06
- You take care.
- I will.
00:09:09
Okay.
(laughing)
00:09:12
Mary: Aw...
00:09:14
Sarain: My mom is her person.
00:09:16
My mom is the one who first
heard all of those stories,
00:09:18
who was her therapist so,
my mom is...
00:09:22
is my Auntie's girl.
00:09:25
And, for my mom,
my Auntie is
00:09:27
her only parent that she's
had for a long time now.
00:09:30
♪
00:09:36
Mary: As it
started to get dark,
00:09:39
my little brother, Sonny,
started pulling on my sleeve,
00:09:42
crying, "I want my mommy.
Sissy, I want my mommy."
00:09:47
And, and I'm
thinking to myself,
00:09:51
oh, my gosh, how am I going
to comfort this little guy?
00:09:54
I'm having a
hard time, myself,
00:09:56
trying to figure out,
where am I?
00:09:57
Where am I going?
00:10:00
And then, finally,
it came to a standstill
00:10:03
at this place,
Spanish, Ontario.
00:10:07
I'm sitting there and
looking at this conductor
00:10:10
and I'm trying to tell him,
"This is not where I get off."
00:10:15
And he's looking
at the names and,
00:10:17
"Oh, yes, this is
where you get off."
00:10:20
And, all pitch black out.
00:10:26
I was just trembling.
00:10:28
Sonny was just
clinging to me.
00:10:31
His little hands
were just like,
00:10:33
they were right
in me like that.
00:10:36
This man starts
giving us orders,
00:10:38
"Get in! Get in there!
Get in that van!"
00:10:41
It looked like a really big,
black van and...
00:10:46
we were in that van about,
maybe a half hour and,
00:10:51
as we approached,
you could see little,
00:10:54
tiny lights way far away,
and that kind of gave me
00:10:59
a little glimmer of hope.
00:11:01
Then the doors opened.
00:11:04
And I could hear
this woman's voice,
00:11:07
and then soon
there was another one,
00:11:09
then another one,
and I figured,
00:11:12
oh, well, there's
women's voices so,
00:11:15
you know,
that can't be too bad.
00:11:18
A fight took place because
they were pulling me out of
00:11:21
the van and I didn't want to
leave my little brother there.
00:11:26
And I said,
"He's coming with me."
00:11:27
And they said,
"No, he's not.
00:11:29
He's going over to
the boys' school."
00:11:32
And, pried his
little hands off of me.
00:11:37
By then, I started to cry
because I felt I had that
00:11:41
responsibility to
take care of him.
00:11:43
And, what am I
going to do because
00:11:45
now I've lost control.
00:11:48
They took me up
two flights of stairs,
00:11:50
where they had
the dormitories.
00:11:52
They gave you
school clothes,
00:11:55
night stuff, and towel
and stuff like that.
00:11:58
And they took all the clothes
that you wore to go there
00:12:02
and she brought me
to this bed and
00:12:04
it's all dark in there.
00:12:06
And, she said, "Get in bed
and go right to sleep," and
00:12:09
I just couldn't sleep.
I was worried about Sonny.
00:12:13
And I figured to myself,
00:12:15
oh, my, god...
00:12:19
What place is this?
Is this hell?
00:12:27
This is gonna be fun!
You got your Auntie there.
00:12:30
- So nice to meet her.
- That's so awesome.
00:12:32
I'm like hosting
from my res, basically.
00:12:35
Just on the other
side of the tracks.
00:12:37
Auntie, do you want
to come over here?
00:12:38
Crew: One minute, guys,
one minute.
00:12:40
Sarain: Don't pressure me!
00:12:42
I had summer solstice right,
smack in the middle of this
00:12:45
shoot week so, I was live
hosting the Summer Solstice
00:12:48
Indigenous Festival, which
usually happens in Ottawa.
00:12:51
And Auntie watched me in
this new pandemic reality
00:12:54
of how I do my work.
00:12:57
Crew: Five, four,
three, two, one.
00:13:01
And, you're live.
00:13:03
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
00:13:05
now that is how you kick off
a festival evening.
00:13:09
Oh, my goodness.
00:13:10
Thank you so much,
Cody Coyote.
00:13:12
Guys, shout out to all of
our matriarchs out there,
00:13:15
all of our elders.
00:13:17
I got my oldest matriarch,
my Auntie Mary, here.
00:13:20
Want to say 'hi', Auntie?
00:13:23
Bonjour, bonjour, bonjour.
00:13:25
(Sarain laughs)
00:13:27
♪
00:13:34
Happening in the background
this whole time is that
00:13:37
my mom needed to be here.
00:13:39
I was very aware within the
first couple days that I was
00:13:43
not gonna have the emotional
capacity to interview Auntie
00:13:47
and then be her safe person.
00:13:49
♪
00:13:52
And, because my mom was
going to interact with Auntie,
00:13:55
she was COVID tested.
00:13:57
♪
00:13:58
(inaudible speaking)
00:13:59
My mom's an elder, herself,
so she's been under the same
00:14:01
kind of precautions, not
allowed to see anyone.
00:14:04
This is her first outing.
00:14:06
She drove all night
just to get here.
00:14:08
♪
00:14:16
Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my goodness.
00:14:22
You made it, my girl.
00:14:24
Now I know what it feels
like when I used to travel
00:14:28
and everybody used to worry.
00:14:30
Make sure that I
got there safe.
00:14:33
Wow, wow.
00:14:35
It feels so good
to just hold you.
00:14:37
Yes.
00:14:39
♪
00:14:43
Mary: After she walked away,
I'm laying there,
00:14:46
laying there,
thinking, you know,
00:14:48
having all these things
going through my mind.
00:14:50
Then I can hear
somebody crying,
00:14:53
but it's all dark,
you can't see.
00:14:55
I'm turning around
like this in the bed.
00:14:57
Somebody's
crying over there,
00:14:59
somebody's crying over here.
00:15:02
And then,
I finally fell asleep.
00:15:04
I think it must have
been breaking daylight.
00:15:06
Clang, clang, clang!
00:15:09
My blanket just,
whoosh, "Get up!"
00:15:11
"Get on your
knees right now!"
00:15:14
Looking around,
everybody's on their knees so,
00:15:16
I got on my knees.
It was a long prayer.
00:15:19
The girls that were around me
like that were kind of
00:15:22
signaling to me to listen,
00:15:24
just to hurry up
and get dressed.
00:15:26
[lower voice] "Otherwise,
they're going to either
00:15:28
punish you or
they'll strap you."
00:15:30
Everything was low key
because you could never
00:15:33
get caught asking
girls questions.
00:15:36
So, I'll watch the girls
and see how they do things,
00:15:40
and that was a big help.
00:15:42
When it was time to eat,
this great, big,
00:15:45
burly teacher
would come over and,
00:15:48
"When that bell rings,
you get in line with the girls
00:15:50
and you get into the
refectory and eat."
00:15:53
But, it isn't proper food,
not even for a pig so,
00:15:56
I told her that.
00:15:58
And, I said,
"I want my mother."
00:16:01
And, she said, "Well, your
mother's not coming for you.
00:16:04
Your mother abandoned you."
00:16:07
The minute she came for me,
I stuck my foot
00:16:09
and started kicking her.
00:16:14
And, soon, there was a
couple more teachers
00:16:16
that came to help her.
00:16:19
But, that was the time
I started rebelling,
00:16:22
but it didn't
do me any good.
00:16:24
They finally said,
"Cut her hair."
00:16:29
They put me up
on a chair and...
00:16:32
she just took these
great, big sheers and
00:16:34
she started cutting my hair.
00:16:36
And I could never,
never, never forgive them.
00:16:40
That is such a big,
big spiritual part of us,
00:16:44
is our hair.
00:16:45
And, all the girls were
standing there watching her.
00:16:48
I just kind of
subdued and figured,
00:16:52
my mother's never
going to find me now.
00:16:55
She's never going to
find me because
00:16:56
I look just like
the rest of them.
00:16:59
And really, that's what
residential school was,
00:17:02
to destroy you,
cause you to be nobody
00:17:05
and to have no identity.
00:17:07
And especially
when she did that,
00:17:10
I became like...
00:17:12
you're my enemy
from now on.
00:17:15
And did she strap you?
00:17:17
Did she
physically abuse you?
00:17:18
Oh, yeah. Different times
that I was there.
00:17:22
And I would figure I
would take my stance.
00:17:24
And she wanted me to cry,
and I wouldn't cry.
00:17:27
♪
00:17:31
- They're pitted.
- Oh, yeah.
00:17:35
With this [knocks] the hull
is really thick up here.
00:17:38
The Chief said he was going
out to work on the boat...
00:17:40
Go for a
water drainage, hey?
00:17:42
...And so, we're like,
okay, great.
00:17:44
Plus, being outside right
now is actually a lot safer
00:17:46
than being inside
someone else's space,
00:17:49
so any opportunity to
be outside with my crew,
00:17:51
with lots of dynamic
space was important.
00:17:54
So, that's the cooling system
for the engine.
00:17:57
People like Mary have
been able to share
00:18:00
different thoughts on
different things that
00:18:03
really, are integral to our
survival as a people.
00:18:07
She is well respected.
00:18:08
She's been through
a lot with her...
00:18:12
residential
school experience,
00:18:13
when they removed
our people and
00:18:15
tried to take the Indian
out of the child.
00:18:18
And, she hung on, and I've
stood with her many times
00:18:22
in those places where it wasn't
easy to defend who we are.
00:18:27
So, I really cherish the
things that the elders tell me.
00:18:31
Like this place here
that we're at today,
00:18:33
this is a really sacred place
where the sturgeons gather.
00:18:37
It's a place where
the sturgeons live.
00:18:38
And sturgeons,
they're as old as we are.
00:18:41
And, we as Anishinabe,
00:18:44
we have the job of
looking after the earth.
00:18:47
And all of our relatives,
as I look around here -
00:18:49
the water, the fish,
the trees, the plants,
00:18:51
the birds, all of those
animals on land -
00:18:54
the sturgeon, name,
("nah-may")
00:18:56
has even more of a
responsibility
00:18:59
to look after the
land under the water.
00:19:02
So, they do the
same thing as us,
00:19:03
but they do it
under the water.
00:19:05
And this was the area that
we promised to look after,
00:19:08
to the creator.
00:19:09
And through it all, even in
the face of the oppression,
00:19:12
we still have elders that
have been able to maintain
00:19:18
and even enhance those
original understandings,
00:19:22
and one of those is,
is Mary.
00:19:24
Mary has always went that
extra mile to defend our,
00:19:29
our inheritance, and our
inheritance is all of this.
00:19:35
♪
00:19:38
Mary: The first Sunday of
every month, for two hours,
00:19:42
they would select a table
for me and my brother.
00:19:45
Sonny didn't come at first,
for the longest time.
00:19:49
But, Jimmy did.
00:19:51
My brother Jimmy
was older than I was.
00:19:54
And, Jim was there
two year's prior to...
00:19:59
to when we entered school.
00:20:01
And, he had already...
00:20:04
been so abused that he
submitted to their ways.
00:20:10
So, he didn't have a lot
of conversation with me.
00:20:15
And then, finally,
he just stopped coming.
00:20:18
We had to go to communion
every week at the
00:20:21
boys' church,
and he was altar boy,
00:20:25
and I can smell that...
00:20:27
smell, liquor or
wine or something.
00:20:30
And he was almost
shaking like that, giving...
00:20:34
I, I didn't think
too much of it then,
00:20:37
about the
liquor or anything.
00:20:40
But then I started hearing
it from the girls that
00:20:44
the priest was getting
the boys drunk on wine.
00:20:48
I didn't know he was
being abused that way.
00:20:52
And some of the girls, too,
because they used to get
00:20:54
the older girls at times
to go and clean up
00:20:57
over at the church,
in the boys' school.
00:21:00
And, the priests used to do
the same thing to the girls.
00:21:05
And then when the girls
got pregnant and
00:21:07
kicked out of school,
everything fell silent.
00:21:11
Everything fell silent
because this girl's missing.
00:21:15
Sarain: She was
impregnated by the priest?
00:21:17
Mary: Oh, yes.
00:21:20
Yes.
00:21:23
And there were babies
found in those walls.
00:21:26
Why were there
babies in the wall?
00:21:31
Mary: Well, it would
have been scandalous...
00:21:35
for the school,
00:21:37
had anyone
found out about it.
00:21:40
♪
00:21:43
So, we just got back from
00:21:46
meeting the Chief
and interviewing him.
00:21:50
And, we got back here to her
house and Auntie has gone.
00:21:54
Her van is gone.
She's not here.
00:21:57
And we're supposed to be
doing interviews with her,
00:22:00
and this is absolutely
typical Auntie style.
00:22:04
She does whatever she wants
whenever she wants.
00:22:06
Maybe she left a note.
00:22:14
Okay.
00:22:16
Auntie Mary was supposed
to come with us to
00:22:18
the place of the sturgeons.
00:22:22
And then she was not
feeling well enough.
00:22:25
I don't even know.
00:22:28
And I, I don't know...
00:22:31
It actually made me really
nervous about the rest of
00:22:32
the shoot, like, if she's
already too tired for us.
00:22:35
What does this mean,
you know?
00:22:36
And, I'm not gonna
risk my Auntie's health.
00:22:39
What I'm interested in
right now is,
00:22:42
how do we tell the stories
of our elders in a way that
00:22:44
is slow enough?
00:22:46
How do I push...
00:22:49
to hear all of
the 84 years of...
00:22:54
knowledge that
my Auntie holds?
00:22:58
But, oh,
my goodness,
00:23:00
look who's rolling
down in the road.
00:23:04
♪
00:23:07
So, what you can't see is
that my Auntie Mary's van
00:23:10
is pulling in.
00:23:11
My Uncle is pulling
in with a charger.
00:23:14
What?!
Hi, River!
00:23:18
Come give me a hug.
00:23:20
Auntie loves her
grandchildren and
00:23:23
she's always trying to get me
to hang out with them
00:23:24
every time she's here.
So, River was there.
00:23:27
Good to see you.
Do you remember me?
00:23:29
Mhm.
00:23:30
Him and I have a
special connection.
00:23:31
We always have.
00:23:33
So, I-- Auntie wanted
flower gardens and
00:23:36
I had brought up
these planters so,
00:23:38
I let him do the planting and
we did that for her.
00:23:42
Oh.
00:23:44
Which one?
You choose.
00:23:45
Look at those
precious stones.
00:23:47
Which side?
00:23:49
The van that my
Auntie drives is
00:23:52
a van that I drove
to Standing Rock.
00:23:54
Well, it was my mom's van.
00:23:56
And then it was my van
for about four years.
00:23:58
And now she has it and
she can use it to
00:24:01
take off whenever she wants,
in good fashion.
00:24:09
I think when somebody
takes you away,
00:24:12
takes you from your home,
tells you...
00:24:17
you can't be who you are...
00:24:21
can't speak your language,
00:24:24
have your hair,
00:24:28
see your parents...
00:24:33
I think that when
that happens to you,
00:24:35
you don't let anyone tell
you what to do ever again.
00:24:38
Or that's at least, that's
how my family reacted.
00:24:42
♪
00:24:46
Part of that residential
school story is when
00:24:49
I used to go home for
summer vacation,
00:24:52
because you had a
family before res school.
00:24:55
I remember that.
00:24:57
We had birthdays,
we had a lot of things.
00:24:59
We had the gatherings
at Christmas time.
00:25:02
And then, each year I
was in that school,
00:25:05
it got less, less...
00:25:08
until I was out
of the picture.
00:25:11
I was born in Garden River.
00:25:13
Then we moved into
Sault Sainte Marie,
00:25:16
and I remember so many
happy memories there.
00:25:21
My mum worked every day,
00:25:23
but weekends
we went everywhere.
00:25:26
She'd take us
down to the park.
00:25:28
She used to take us up
to the movie theater,
00:25:31
and every chance she had,
she would treat us.
00:25:35
And in winter time, we'd go
sliding on that big hill.
00:25:39
We had a big dog and that
dog used to follow us
00:25:41
all over the place.
(laughs)
00:25:43
Just happy times.
00:25:45
It was just like
a family, family.
00:25:48
I don't ever
remember being sad,
00:25:50
threatened in any way,
when I lived at home...
00:25:53
before I went in school.
00:25:55
My mom was very loving,
very loving to us.
00:26:00
Did you ever feel that,
abandoned by her?
00:26:03
No, I loved my mum
very, very, very much.
00:26:08
Almost to the point
where I idolized my mom.
00:26:11
She was a good mom.
00:26:14
Very good.
00:26:16
When we talk
about the story,
00:26:18
I think about her and how
terrible it was for her...
00:26:22
Yeah.
00:26:23
...to have to leave you,
and how she couldn't
00:26:26
find a way to say
goodbye to you.
00:26:27
Yeah, yeah.
00:26:30
♪
00:26:35
Sarain: In our way, we sit with
our elders while they live.
00:26:40
We take the time to hear
their stories and
00:26:42
honour who they are.
00:26:44
There's a world
of women like her,
00:26:46
elders who have
carried life.
00:26:49
They bead our moccasins
and make us tea.
00:26:52
We need to take the time to
hear them and to remember
00:26:55
the stories they can
share while they're here.
00:26:59
Stand with them,
or at the very least,
00:27:03
just sit with them for a
few minutes every day.
00:27:07
Are you gonna share
something with us?
00:27:10
Yes. When I first
walked this way,
00:27:16
I was on, on a
rough journey.
00:27:19
I asked creator to
show me the way,
00:27:21
to help me.
00:27:24
So, I finally made it to the
Indian Friendship Centre
00:27:29
in Toronto, where I
met the elders.
00:27:34
And they immediately
took me under their wing.
00:27:37
They spoke
about the culture.
00:27:41
And the more the
teachings that they gave me,
00:27:44
the more I felt this is what
I had been searching for.
00:27:48
It all connected.
00:27:52
And this is how I
got to be an elder,
00:27:57
and it was meant to be
because I belong
00:27:59
to the Sturgeon Clan.
00:28:02
I didn't know all the
gifts that that sturgeon
00:28:05
had waiting for me.
00:28:09
But with all these gifts,
00:28:11
I'm trying to live up to that,
to that image.
00:28:15
♪
00:28:23
I think maybe it was
around Thanksgiving.
00:28:29
We were all playing out
in the backyard and...
00:28:33
I seen a group of girls.
00:28:36
One of the girls kind
of signaled over to me.
00:28:40
I could tell that there
was something going on.
00:28:43
One of them
finally said to me,
00:28:45
"Hey, Mary, would you
be interested in...
00:28:50
in what we're going to do?
00:28:53
Well, we're
planning on running away."
00:28:56
So, I'm kind of thinking,
getting suspicious.
00:28:59
Why are they asking me?
00:29:02
These are not like
my special friends.
00:29:04
It started to
fester in my mind.
00:29:08
Well, I only have
one year left because
00:29:12
I'll be sixteen and I'm
going to be leaving.
00:29:15
The pressure won't be as
hard on me because
00:29:18
I'm liable to expose
a lot of stuff.
00:29:22
And I was trying to resolve
it in a positive way,
00:29:27
that even if I get caught,
I'm thinking...
00:29:31
I can handle it.
00:29:33
Yeah, I want to run away.
00:29:35
When are you
going to do this?
00:29:37
And they said, "When we
go for a walk tomorrow."
00:29:41
When I went to
bed that night,
00:29:43
I'm thinking about it still.
00:29:44
It's heavy,
heavy on my mind.
00:29:49
So, the next day,
sure enough,
00:29:51
we get up early in
the morning again.
00:29:53
And, did our duties,
our chores.
00:29:56
And then by noon hour,
after lunch,
00:30:00
she would ring this bell.
00:30:03
It was time to
go for our walk.
00:30:06
And we took
different little paths,
00:30:08
just so we wouldn't be
noticed that we're together.
00:30:11
But we had a waiting
spot out on the highway.
00:30:15
As I'm going along the way,
I'm pretending
00:30:17
I'm picking up things off the
ground and going further,
00:30:21
and further out
to the highway.
00:30:24
Girls were already
there and we said,
00:30:26
"Well, we can't stay on the
highway because
00:30:28
it's going to look
too obvious...
00:30:30
so, let's go on the
railroad tracks."
00:30:35
Every time we'd see a car,
we'd hide in a ditch.
00:30:38
We thought we had
walked a long way
00:30:41
from, from Spanish.
00:30:44
And when we got to Massey,
OPP cars came.
00:30:47
There were about
three of them.
00:30:50
And we're just standing
there like sitting ducks.
00:30:53
They knew right away
we were the runaways.
00:30:56
The cop came out, he says,
"The school reported that
00:30:59
you ran away and we
have to take you back."
00:31:03
And the girls
just started to cry.
00:31:05
They were afraid of
the consequences.
00:31:07
Well, I was too,
and I said,
00:31:09
"Please, don't take me
back there." And he said,
00:31:11
"Because you're underage,
I have to take you back."
00:31:16
By the time we got
back to the school,
00:31:17
it was dark.
00:31:18
About five, six teachers
came out and they were
00:31:21
all happy, and greeting
the police and smiling.
00:31:25
"Oh, they're all safe."
00:31:27
That officer kept
on looking at me,
00:31:29
and I think just my
facial expressions,
00:31:31
letting this cop know
that this was phony.
00:31:35
And then,
the cops left and...
00:31:38
once that door
closed behind it,
00:31:40
it was like hell on earth.
00:31:43
♪
00:31:47
Here's your
beloved Uncle Sonny.
00:31:50
- Oh, look, Jimmy Bell.
- Yes.
00:31:53
- Oh, let me see.
- Look at how cute he was.
00:31:57
That's your dad.
00:31:58
And that's when he
first attended school.
00:32:01
- I think, in...
- Wow!
00:32:03
...1944, yes.
00:32:07
That's so interesting
to see, you know.
00:32:10
I know, I was just
all choked up
00:32:13
when I first seen
those pictures.
00:32:15
When did you first see
these guys? Recently?
00:32:18
No, when the program
came in for the...
00:32:21
Healing Foundation.
00:32:23
And they started sending
away for the pictures and
00:32:25
getting as much information
from the students and, yeah.
00:32:30
This article is the...
00:32:34
Ah, he did something.
00:32:36
I don't know
what it was for.
00:32:38
The Globe & Mail,
and this article is
00:32:40
what inspired
this documentary.
00:32:43
Oh.
00:32:44
- Oh, really?
- Mhm.
00:33:11
Come on.
Strong, strong woman.
00:33:14
My Auntie outlived all of
her brothers and sisters.
00:33:18
And, what's in-between
those pages is
00:33:20
her guilt for being the
one who survived.
00:33:24
And she says it over and
over again, is that,
00:33:26
the reason they
didn't is because
00:33:27
they just weren't
strong enough.
00:33:32
And that's not
about just strength.
00:33:34
What she's saying is that
00:33:37
it was almost impossible
to not be broken.
00:33:40
♪
00:33:43
Mary: They made us
go up to this classroom,
00:33:45
they sealed it off,
and they said,
00:33:48
"For your running away,
you're not going
00:33:50
to have anything
to eat for a week.
00:33:54
You're not to
talk to one another.
00:33:57
We're going to set up
individual rooms where
00:33:59
you're going to be placed
individually in each room."
00:34:03
They're yelling
and screaming at us,
00:34:06
"This is not the end of it.
This is only the beginning!"
00:34:09
So, when they locked
us in that room,
00:34:11
it was all dark.
00:34:13
And, I could hear
the girls crying,
00:34:15
and they're crying,
and they're scared,
00:34:16
and they're crying.
00:34:18
And I don't know why,
I just couldn't cry.
00:34:21
We were there all night.
00:34:23
Finally, we heard these
clink, clang,
00:34:26
this walk coming
towards the door.
00:34:28
And then she'd call
one girl at a time.
00:34:31
The day had passed.
00:34:33
It was evening again and
I was the last one in that room.
00:34:37
And then finally, she calls
me into her office and
00:34:41
she keeps alls her,
like her weapons there,
00:34:44
her straps and everything.
She said to me,
00:34:46
"Oh, so you're the leader.
You're the brave one."
00:34:49
And she was just
going on and on,
00:34:51
trying to put me down
to the lowest level.
00:34:53
And she beat me up
with that strap.
00:34:57
I just froze like that.
I froze in one state.
00:35:02
I went, I'm not
going to cry.
00:35:04
And she beat me up
really, really bad.
00:35:07
She put me in a room and
she wouldn't let me out of
00:35:09
that room until some of the
bruises started going away.
00:35:12
After the bruises
started going away,
00:35:16
then she took me downstairs
and she had all the girls
00:35:20
stand around, and she
took and she shaved me.
00:35:25
She said, "This is what's
going to happen to you
00:35:27
if any of you
ever, ever dare...
00:35:31
to run away."
She says,
00:35:33
"You are not to talk to her
for the rest of this term.
00:35:36
She is to sit alone and you have
nothing to do with her."
00:35:40
She did let me go
into the refectory,
00:35:43
which is the dining room.
00:35:45
But, I was not to eat the
same things that the girls ate.
00:35:50
I didn't care what she
said about the food.
00:35:52
I didn't like it anyways.
00:35:53
And, she had this
table just for me,
00:35:56
and all the
girls are facing me,
00:35:58
like I was on display...
for the rest of the term.
00:36:02
I was there eight years and,
00:36:05
I left there
that June 1952.
00:36:08
♪
00:36:18
After I left
residential school,
00:36:20
I went home and it was
like we were all strangers.
00:36:25
It wasn't home anymore.
00:36:27
I told my mother, I said,
"I'm leaving."
00:36:29
And she says to me,
"Where are you going?"
00:36:31
I said, "I don't know,
but I'm leaving.
00:36:33
I'm going to work."
00:36:35
And she said, "Okay,
I'm going with you."
00:36:38
I was just so
happy that she...
00:36:41
seemed to understand.
00:36:43
And we went to the States,
00:36:45
and we went down to Michigan.
00:36:48
There was an ad in the
paper for a babysitter,
00:36:51
so I figured, well, I can
do that in the meantime.
00:36:54
Soon after that, however,
00:36:56
I started meeting girls my age
and they were not Natives.
00:37:01
They were all white girls.
00:37:03
But yet, they took me
into their company.
00:37:06
So, it was an amazing start.
00:37:09
I didn't realize
it at the time,
00:37:11
but they were
giving me a gift...
00:37:14
a gift that I was
worth something.
00:37:17
They lifted me and
made me a human being.
00:37:22
They taught me about
love and friendship, trust.
00:37:26
And the biggest, biggest
gift they gave me was
00:37:30
when they taught me
how to drive.
00:37:33
When I was behind the wheel,
they gave me freedom.
00:37:36
As a teenager, I'd never,
never experienced that in life.
00:37:41
And I was having so much fun.
00:37:44
♪
00:37:47
My Chief invited us to one
of our most sacred places.
00:37:50
It's actually the place
his grandfather grew up.
00:37:54
So, we went on a two-hour
trip up to a provincial park
00:37:58
that we've
actually reclaimed,
00:37:59
as our people.
00:38:01
And my Auntie, she was
like completely at peace.
00:38:05
♪ (drumming & singing)
00:38:13
Mary: There's nothing like
peace and quiet
00:38:16
after a raging storm.
00:38:20
In our teachings,
it says you have power
00:38:23
when you truly forgive them.
00:38:25
And for the longest time,
I would say,
00:38:27
"Oh, yeah.
I forgive them," you know.
00:38:29
I'd say it, but I
wouldn't really mean it.
00:38:32
I'd go back to my old,
resentful ways towards them.
00:38:37
But, there is a difference
00:38:39
when you truly,
truly forgive them.
00:38:44
You receive so much
love and peace...
00:38:50
that I think I deserve.
00:38:51
(chuckles)
00:38:54
Sarain: The song he
sang was gifted to him.
00:38:57
And it talks about...
00:39:01
when a lot of
bad things happen,
00:39:03
sometimes you question...
00:39:06
how can there be
anything spiritual?
00:39:08
How can there be a creator?
00:39:09
How can there be anyone
here looking out for me
00:39:12
if all these bad things
keep happening?
00:39:15
And so, the song says,
"Where will I find my spirit?"
00:39:19
And then the words back are,
00:39:21
"You'll find your spirit in all
of the land around you."
00:39:25
"Inside your heart.
On the other side."
00:39:28
So, you're in
your ancestors,
00:39:31
but you'll find your spirit
exactly where you are.
00:39:34
And, I thought that
was a beautiful way,
00:39:37
to sing us out.
00:39:39
(vocal calls)
00:39:45
♪
00:39:50
And you're
understanding that?
00:39:52
I think you do.
00:39:54
Because I see a little
glisten in your eye.
00:39:58
(chuckles)
00:40:01
Sarain: She knew that I
wasn't ready to let her leave.
00:40:05
But she looked me in the
eye and she acknowledged
00:40:07
my fear, my deepest fear.
00:40:11
♪
00:40:14
Which is about
losing people.
00:40:19
I keep telling people...
00:40:23
when they get very,
very emotional about it...
00:40:27
that...
00:40:30
one day when I'm not here,
you're going to
00:40:33
be even stronger because
you're going to say,
00:40:35
"She did it. She did it."
00:40:38
"I want to be just like her."
00:40:42
(sniffles)
00:40:44
My biggest fear is
losing my Mom and my Aunt.
00:40:47
♪
00:40:50
They're like the women
I grew up idolizing,
00:40:53
the women I wanted my
whole life to be like them.
00:40:57
Travel like them,
be free like them.
00:41:00
Stand up for our
people like them.
00:41:04
Have a sisterhood
like them, friendship.
00:41:09
Connection.
00:41:12
♪
00:41:18
Don't cry, my girl.
00:41:20
♪
00:41:22
Sarain: I think that's the one
thing that people don't get,
00:41:25
is that acknowledgement.
00:41:27
It's like a living goodbye.
00:41:30
♪
00:41:32
So, I don't want
to just document.
00:41:33
I want to remember.
00:41:37
I want to remember her
while she's still here.
00:41:41
And I want her to
see her own story.
00:41:44
I hope she gets
to see this doc.
00:41:48
I want her to see it and
I want her to let it go.
00:41:54
And I want her to be free.
00:41:56
♪
00:42:00
I know.
00:42:04
And one good thing
about our culture...
00:42:07
We don't die.
00:42:08
(Sarain & Banakonda
laughing)
00:42:14
Sarain: And scene.
Just kidding!
00:42:16
♪
00:42:22
Sarain: In my work lately,
I've been on a deep dive
00:42:25
exploring cultural reclamation.
00:42:28
We've survived because
we listened to
00:42:30
our women and our elders.
00:42:34
I want my Auntie to see
our communities flourish
00:42:37
before she goes.
00:42:39
For that, I must hear
her truth and absorb
00:42:43
everything she can teach me
while she's here.
00:42:48
She tells me
Indigenous women
00:42:49
must take up leadership roles.
00:42:52
We must be willing
to do the work and
00:42:54
be dedicated to our communities,
00:42:56
to help them heal and grow.
00:43:00
There's an urgency
within my generation...
00:43:03
to record what our elders
have to say while have them.
00:43:07
Hear their languages
before they're lost,
00:43:10
and learn the creation stories
that brought us here.
00:43:14
Most Canadians don't live
with these fears and
00:43:18
the persistent tension of loss.
00:43:21
♪
00:43:26
Inendi, she is absent.
00:43:30
♪
00:43:36
♪
