Let's Catch Up 💔

00:35:16
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq43ExM5CzU

Zusammenfassung

TLDRIl video documenta l'esperienza personale di una madre che affronta la separazione dal marito e la sfida di crescere un bambino da sola. L'autrice condivide la sua vulnerabilità e il suo senso di perdita, descrivendo giorni impegnativi fatti di tristezza e di momenti di sfida per la propria salute mentale mentre si occupa del figlio. Nonostante le difficoltà, esprime la speranza di superare il periodo oscuro grazie al supporto della famiglia e degli amici, a momenti positivi come allenamenti fisici e alla volontà di documentare il viaggio di guarigione. Riconosce la vulnerabilità derivante dalla sua nuova realtà ma mantiene uno spirito combattivo e resiliente, sottolineando l'importanza di concentrarsi sui momenti felici con suo figlio e sulla costruzione di un futuro indipendente e sereno.

Mitbringsel

  • 👶 Affrontare la genitorialità come madre single.
  • 🧠 Sfide riguardanti la salute mentale dopo un trauma.
  • ❤️ Importanza del supporto di famiglia e amici.
  • 📅 Documentare il processo di guarigione.
  • 💪 Resilienza e forza interiore.
  • 🏋️‍♀️ Sfruttare l'esercizio fisico per il benessere.
  • 🎄 Preoccupazioni per eventi speciali come il Natale.
  • 📝 Scrivere un diario per riflettere su sé stessi.
  • 🎨 Cambiamenti estetici come simbolo di crescita.
  • 🚶‍♀️ Fare passeggiate per la tranquillità.
  • 🗺️ Accettare l'incertezza riguardo al futuro.

Zeitleiste

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    视频开始，博主更新自己的近况，提到自己的婚姻发生了变故，现正面临成为单身母亲的挑战。她感到生活被颠覆，对未来感到不知所措，但她对支持她的朋友表示感谢。尽管面临心理健康的挑战，她仍然努力保持积极，特别是因为她还有10个月大的儿子需要照顾。

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    博主表达了她对重新开始生活的渴望，计划记录这个困难时期的过程，期望能在未来回顾时看到自己的成长。她提到之前计划要第二个孩子的计划已取消，对未来方向感到迷茫，但表示要努力渡过难关。

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    博主尝试通过锻炼和保持日常活动来改善自己的心理状态。尽管她承认目前生活很混乱，但她决心通过一些积极的事情如运动来帮助自己恢复，并努力在Vlog中表达这些努力和情感。

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    博主提到了在厨艺和个人时间上的一些小成就，并尝试通过假装一切正常来适应新的生活方式。她直面个人生活的巨大变化并努力用积极的视角看待生活中的小胜利。她强调自己在努力维持乐观，虽然内心仍有挣扎。

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    她分享了自己尝试走出舒适区，参加社交活动尽管一开始感到不安。博主意识到在外活动让她意识到自己的状态还不适合社交，但也对变美和自我照顾感到一种积极的改变。

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    博主通过与家人的互动和对未来的思考，继续努力面对生活中的困难。她表示虽然仍有痛苦和失望，但要保持乐观。通过与支持她的人继续联系，保持坚强，并努力创造一个对自己和儿子更好的环境。

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:16

    博主通过户外运动和内心感悟，开始逐渐接纳目前的现实。她强调了支持系统的重要性，也意识到可能还要很长时间才能恢复自信。她鼓励观众给自己时间去疗愈，不要急于进入新的关系，以找到真正的自我。

Mehr anzeigen

Mind Map

Video-Fragen und Antworten

  • Qual è la situazione personale dell'autrice?

    L'autrice sta affrontando una separazione coniugale e sta crescendo il suo bambino di 10 mesi da sola.

  • Come sta gestendo l'autrice il suo benessere emotivo?

    Sta cercando di mantenere un atteggiamento positivo, facendo esercizio fisico e appoggiandosi alla sua rete di supporto composta da famiglia e amici.

  • Come sta affrontando l'autrice la sua nuova realtà di madre single?

    Sta cercando di adattarsi gradualmente, documentando il suo percorso per processare il trauma e sperando in tempi migliori.

  • Quali sono alcune delle attenzioni quotidiane dell'autrice?

    Si sta impegnando in attività quotidiane positive come l'esercizio fisico, il trascorrere del tempo con suo figlio e la costruzione di una routine stabile.

  • Cosa ha fatto l'autrice per sentirsi meglio a breve termine?

    Ha partecipato a uscite sociali e ha fatto piccole modifiche estetiche per sentirsi meglio, come sistemare i capelli.

  • L'autrice ha piani per il futuro prossimo?

    Attualmente sta prendendo tempo per guarire ed è incerta sul suo futuro, ma spera di documentare la sua ripresa e stabilità.

  • Quali sono le sfide affrontate con la separazione?

    Affronta una vasta gamma di emozioni, tra cui dolore e confusione, aggiustandosi a una vita senza il sostegno dell'ex partner.

  • Qual è il ruolo della famiglia nella vita dell'autrice?

    La sua famiglia è il suo principale sistema di supporto, fornendo amore e aiuto durante questo periodo difficile.

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Automatisches Blättern:
  • 00:00:05
    hi
  • 00:00:07
    YouTube
  • 00:00:09
    um welcome back to my channel I guess
  • 00:00:14
    um the date is the 1st of
  • 00:00:20
    December Kaa is 10 months old today
  • 00:00:26
    um and yeah a lot to update you guys on
  • 00:00:30
    I guess um a little nerve-wracking I
  • 00:00:33
    have a lot to say but I just don't know
  • 00:00:35
    how to say it much thank you to everyone
  • 00:00:38
    so much who have been supporting me
  • 00:00:41
    checking on me like I feel like like
  • 00:00:44
    loads of like online best friends um
  • 00:00:47
    it's been really really really helpful
  • 00:00:49
    and reading I'm trying to read as many
  • 00:00:51
    messages and stuff as I can and they've
  • 00:00:53
    been really heartwarming and they've
  • 00:00:56
    really comforted me in some sort of way
  • 00:00:59
    um I just had to kind of
  • 00:01:01
    like come out from that whole social
  • 00:01:05
    media bubble for a little while and
  • 00:01:06
    obviously he's took a step back from
  • 00:01:08
    YouTube Just
  • 00:01:10
    because well for those of you that don't
  • 00:01:12
    know my whole world's just been turned
  • 00:01:13
    upside down I am
  • 00:01:17
    now well I am still married but um I'm
  • 00:01:21
    no longer with my
  • 00:01:23
    husband and I have to raise a 10-month
  • 00:01:25
    old baby as a single mom
  • 00:01:32
    so it kind of feels like I'm drowning
  • 00:01:34
    right now
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    um it's
  • 00:01:40
    [Music]
  • 00:01:43
    um I don't even know how to explain how
  • 00:01:45
    I feel I just feel like everything's
  • 00:01:47
    just numb still even though it's been a
  • 00:01:50
    few weeks I still feel like I'm empty
  • 00:01:52
    inside it's just Hollow like the lights
  • 00:01:55
    are on and just nobody's home I just
  • 00:01:56
    feel like I'm like a robot I don't know
  • 00:01:59
    how the day gone from start to
  • 00:02:02
    finish like there's been days
  • 00:02:05
    of like I just haven't eaten um it's
  • 00:02:08
    great cuz I've lost a little bit of
  • 00:02:10
    weight but it's not in the healthy way
  • 00:02:11
    so I don't really want
  • 00:02:13
    to um glorify that like I feel like I
  • 00:02:16
    have to drag myself out of a dark place
  • 00:02:19
    because I have a child to look after and
  • 00:02:22
    I am with him 247 so it's a bit hard to
  • 00:02:26
    try and navigate my own mental health
  • 00:02:29
    when I have have a small baby to look
  • 00:02:31
    after and I was struggling with things
  • 00:02:33
    anyway postpartum but
  • 00:02:36
    um that's nothing compared to the
  • 00:02:38
    feelings that I feel right now I don't
  • 00:02:41
    want to sound too depressing but
  • 00:02:45
    unfortunately that is the that is my
  • 00:02:47
    life at the minute I don't feel like I
  • 00:02:50
    have been in a worser place in my life
  • 00:02:52
    which is really sad to say because I
  • 00:02:54
    have this beautiful baby but like my
  • 00:02:56
    whole Future's just been robbed from me
  • 00:03:00
    and I'm grieving I'm grieving a life
  • 00:03:03
    that I have had I'm grieving
  • 00:03:07
    a a person that I love so much I'm
  • 00:03:10
    grieving a situation that is just not my
  • 00:03:13
    reality anymore and it's so hard to try
  • 00:03:15
    and comprehend everything
  • 00:03:19
    and be in this mess of adapting to a new
  • 00:03:23
    life
  • 00:03:24
    um it's it's really difficult and it's
  • 00:03:27
    really taken um
  • 00:03:33
    sorry it's been really difficult and
  • 00:03:35
    it's
  • 00:03:37
    really really
  • 00:03:38
    [Music]
  • 00:03:43
    um it's been really hard and it's going
  • 00:03:46
    to be really hard and it's going to
  • 00:03:49
    continue like a roller coaster some days
  • 00:03:52
    I'll have good days bad days I'm sure
  • 00:03:53
    that will happen but now it's literally
  • 00:03:55
    just trying to keep my head above water
  • 00:03:58
    and surrounding myself with as
  • 00:04:00
    many positive people and my support
  • 00:04:03
    system which is my family my close
  • 00:04:06
    friends
  • 00:04:09
    and I know that I'm a strong person I
  • 00:04:13
    haven't been before um but I know that
  • 00:04:16
    deep down I'm a strong person and I know
  • 00:04:19
    that I'll be okay I know that I'll smile
  • 00:04:24
    again and I'll be genuinely happy I know
  • 00:04:27
    that
  • 00:04:29
    these dark days won't last forever but
  • 00:04:32
    at the same time I'm trying
  • 00:04:33
    to force myself to be in the moment with
  • 00:04:36
    my son because he's only little for so
  • 00:04:37
    long he's only 10 months old and it's
  • 00:04:39
    just kind of hard
  • 00:04:42
    to appreciate the happy times when I'm
  • 00:04:44
    in such a bad place at the minute but um
  • 00:04:47
    I thought I
  • 00:04:50
    would I don't know why I picked up the
  • 00:04:52
    camera I'm not going to lie I'm I'm I
  • 00:04:55
    want to document like things with my
  • 00:04:57
    child I still want to do like YouTube
  • 00:05:00
    I don't know how long for just see how
  • 00:05:02
    it goes just winging it I don't know
  • 00:05:03
    where my life's going at the minute in
  • 00:05:04
    all honesty um but I still want to
  • 00:05:07
    document certain things in my life and
  • 00:05:09
    unfortunately this is like a
  • 00:05:11
    really low point in my life that I'm
  • 00:05:15
    hoping in a few months time a few years
  • 00:05:17
    time I look back on
  • 00:05:18
    and although things are bad now I've had
  • 00:05:21
    the strength to pull myself out of this
  • 00:05:23
    dark hole that I've been
  • 00:05:25
    putting completely blindsided um
  • 00:05:30
    it's not what I wanted it's not what I
  • 00:05:32
    expected but it is what's happened and
  • 00:05:35
    that is unfortunately my
  • 00:05:37
    reality maybe it's blessings in Disguise
  • 00:05:40
    that things have happened this way
  • 00:05:42
    because there was plans to have another
  • 00:05:45
    baby in January which is next month so
  • 00:05:49
    that's obviously not happening anymore
  • 00:05:52
    um you know I was going to give I was
  • 00:05:56
    going to give k a sibling so that's no
  • 00:05:59
    longer on the car so I have no idea
  • 00:06:01
    where my life is going but on the upside
  • 00:06:04
    I have the most beautiful baby boy who I
  • 00:06:07
    am obsessed with and he's really pulled
  • 00:06:09
    me out of some Dark Places
  • 00:06:13
    and
  • 00:06:16
    um I'd like to try and keep building
  • 00:06:20
    myself keep building myself keep
  • 00:06:21
    building myself out of these dark places
  • 00:06:23
    I know it's going to be good days and
  • 00:06:25
    bad days but I'd really like to try
  • 00:06:27
    and document this process of healing um
  • 00:06:32
    a new chapter once I've processed the
  • 00:06:37
    initial trauma of things the you know
  • 00:06:40
    I'm not going to go for another baby in
  • 00:06:42
    January obviously those plans have been
  • 00:06:45
    well and truly cancelled I have to
  • 00:06:47
    grieve a marriage I have to grieve a
  • 00:06:49
    life and those things are all going to
  • 00:06:51
    take time to heal
  • 00:06:55
    but I just want to be better already I'm
  • 00:06:57
    not but I know that I will be but just
  • 00:06:59
    wish that I was just healed if I was in
  • 00:07:01
    a good place but then at the same time
  • 00:07:03
    I'm like my happiness with my firstborn
  • 00:07:06
    child has just been
  • 00:07:09
    completely robbed and I've never felt
  • 00:07:12
    more
  • 00:07:14
    vulnerable and alone in my life but it
  • 00:07:17
    is Christmas coming up it's coa's first
  • 00:07:21
    Christmas which is hopefully going to
  • 00:07:24
    still be as magical as I can make it for
  • 00:07:27
    him um and and then it's a new year and
  • 00:07:31
    then Co will be turning one so I will
  • 00:07:34
    try and document as much as I can of
  • 00:07:37
    that and a new sense of
  • 00:07:39
    motherhood this if I'm honest um it's
  • 00:07:42
    still very fresh and raw it's only been
  • 00:07:44
    like 3 weeks since everything's just
  • 00:07:46
    blown up in my face
  • 00:07:48
    but if you're watching this then I had
  • 00:07:50
    the courage to post it
  • 00:07:53
    and that means that I
  • 00:07:56
    have slightly pulled myself out of the
  • 00:07:59
    hole that I'm in currently so hopefully
  • 00:08:02
    when you fast forward or when this video
  • 00:08:04
    kind of comes to the end um it'll be me
  • 00:08:07
    being in a better place fingers
  • 00:08:11
    crossed a big milestone hit today I went
  • 00:08:14
    on the peltin bike for 20
  • 00:08:18
    minutes um used to keep the peltin bike
  • 00:08:20
    in sorry I'm speaking quietly cuz CO's
  • 00:08:22
    in bed
  • 00:08:23
    um used to keep the peltin bike in the
  • 00:08:27
    garage um
  • 00:08:30
    but I haven't been really feeling
  • 00:08:33
    like safe I guess is the word um so I've
  • 00:08:36
    just poured it in like the one of the
  • 00:08:38
    bedrooms downstair well the bedroom
  • 00:08:40
    downstairs um fun well not fun fact but
  • 00:08:44
    uh never used to lock the doors at home
  • 00:08:46
    it's quite like safe where we are but
  • 00:08:48
    just because of the way I'm feeling I
  • 00:08:49
    have to lock everything all the time I'm
  • 00:08:51
    just a bit
  • 00:08:52
    like vulnerable and paranoid but 20
  • 00:08:56
    minutes on the bike I'm quite proud of
  • 00:08:57
    myself even though I really just didn't
  • 00:08:59
    want to to do it I just wanted to lie in
  • 00:09:01
    bed and cry pretty much but
  • 00:09:04
    um that's not really going to get me
  • 00:09:06
    anywhere longterm place is an absolute
  • 00:09:09
    State that's
  • 00:09:11
    just representing my life at the minute
  • 00:09:14
    but
  • 00:09:16
    um I feel I didn't want to do that
  • 00:09:19
    workout but I
  • 00:09:22
    feel I don't want to say better for it
  • 00:09:25
    but I'm glad that I did it push myself
  • 00:09:27
    that way
  • 00:09:29
    even though it's not what I want to be
  • 00:09:32
    doing but I think that
  • 00:09:34
    the me exercising and doing things like
  • 00:09:37
    myself and my mental health is good for
  • 00:09:39
    me and my
  • 00:09:40
    body I'm really hoping by the end of
  • 00:09:42
    this Vlog I don't know when I'm going to
  • 00:09:44
    post it if I'm going to post it but I'm
  • 00:09:45
    really hoping that I'm going to be
  • 00:09:46
    feeling like slightly in a better place
  • 00:09:49
    Maybe not maybe I feel a lot
  • 00:09:52
    worse um that's a lie I'm pretty much at
  • 00:09:55
    Rock Bottom in my life right now so it'd
  • 00:09:58
    be hard to get anywhere
  • 00:10:01
    uh but I am hoping
  • 00:10:04
    that things slowly start to creep up or
  • 00:10:07
    it's just going to be like a roller
  • 00:10:08
    coaster like I'll cry all day this day
  • 00:10:09
    and then the next day I'll be like okay
  • 00:10:11
    and functioning the next day trying to
  • 00:10:13
    keep my head above water then some else
  • 00:10:15
    just slaps you in the face try not to
  • 00:10:17
    cry that's the main one I cried a lot
  • 00:10:20
    today so if I could go to bed and not
  • 00:10:23
    cry myself to sleep that would be good I
  • 00:10:25
    am cooking up a storm in the kitchen
  • 00:10:28
    this is the long longest time I've ever
  • 00:10:30
    been away from my child before so trying
  • 00:10:33
    to occupy my time
  • 00:10:36
    is a learning process I went to the gym
  • 00:10:39
    today I had a couple of meetings
  • 00:10:42
    with people quite
  • 00:10:46
    um it's not nice it bloody sucks but um
  • 00:10:50
    it is the positives that I'm trying to
  • 00:10:52
    take into it so it's nice to have my own
  • 00:10:55
    time I'm just trying to in all honesty
  • 00:10:57
    I'm just trying to kid myself
  • 00:11:00
    um like things are just a bit normal and
  • 00:11:03
    Co is just out for a little while he's
  • 00:11:05
    back again and just trying to keep
  • 00:11:08
    things as calm as possible for me this
  • 00:11:12
    is the only way I can kind of get
  • 00:11:13
    through this literally just trick myself
  • 00:11:14
    into thinking because I'm such a dear in
  • 00:11:16
    headlights at the minute I'm just trying
  • 00:11:19
    to trick myself into thinking that
  • 00:11:20
    everything's fine everything's normal
  • 00:11:22
    this is like your normal day what you
  • 00:11:23
    would be doing your home alone which is
  • 00:11:25
    quite normal well not alone but I'd be
  • 00:11:26
    with color but yeah I'm just trying kind
  • 00:11:29
    of kid myself in a way not quite sure
  • 00:11:31
    how else to describe it but um my life
  • 00:11:34
    is a mess and we are just Runing with
  • 00:11:37
    the punches I say we yeah me and Kaa
  • 00:11:40
    were just Runing with the punches so I'm
  • 00:11:42
    going to appreciate this little time
  • 00:11:44
    left I have to myself and try and get
  • 00:11:46
    everything ready
  • 00:11:48
    and I would say today is a successful
  • 00:11:52
    day as went to the gym that was nice I
  • 00:11:56
    had like a good amount of time for
  • 00:11:58
    myself I once rather than r washing to
  • 00:11:59
    be
  • 00:12:00
    home and had some meetings like I said
  • 00:12:03
    and hopefully it will be a nice evening
  • 00:12:06
    with my son because I miss him a lot
  • 00:12:08
    and it's all just a learning curve but
  • 00:12:11
    taking the winds whilst I can even
  • 00:12:14
    though the winds are just like me
  • 00:12:15
    tricking myself of this is the life that
  • 00:12:18
    I wanted which is not but um yeah the
  • 00:12:21
    positives I get to cook my lunch SL
  • 00:12:24
    dinner in peace I get to have a small
  • 00:12:27
    tiny little glass of wine
  • 00:12:33
    and I'm physically healthy I guess well
  • 00:12:38
    I hope I still actually need to go to
  • 00:12:39
    the doctors to get
  • 00:12:42
    myself checked um which is really
  • 00:12:46
    embarrassing but yeah I am physically
  • 00:12:48
    healthy as far as I'm aware
  • 00:12:52
    so positive thinking and all that back
  • 00:12:55
    from the hairdresses I've got my hair
  • 00:12:57
    done feeling
  • 00:13:00
    quite nice
  • 00:13:01
    actually um the hairdresser that did it
  • 00:13:03
    James Casey he was honestly just like my
  • 00:13:06
    biggest typ
  • 00:13:08
    man you just really made me feel like
  • 00:13:11
    special and just I don't know I think
  • 00:13:12
    just what I needed you know like you
  • 00:13:14
    after a breakup or whatever you just I
  • 00:13:16
    don't know why I'm doing that as if like
  • 00:13:18
    I'm not going through a breakup um just
  • 00:13:20
    let me thr really nice you just want
  • 00:13:22
    that kind of like glow up or change and
  • 00:13:24
    just a whole
  • 00:13:26
    new I don't know what I'm trying to say
  • 00:13:28
    like you just want to cleanse everything
  • 00:13:30
    out you just want to change things and
  • 00:13:31
    switch things up so it's just a bit hard
  • 00:13:34
    really like giving Kaa away for a few
  • 00:13:37
    hours even though it's needed like I'm
  • 00:13:39
    I'm glad that I have time to myself it's
  • 00:13:41
    just a sad situation all around
  • 00:13:44
    really um I think whatever way you look
  • 00:13:46
    at a breakup whether it's bad good
  • 00:13:49
    betrayal not betrayal um a breakup is a
  • 00:13:52
    breakup and it's still hard so trying to
  • 00:13:55
    get used to a new schedule or a new
  • 00:13:58
    routine or new life is very um difficult
  • 00:14:02
    so I find it a bit hard
  • 00:14:04
    like these little moments like leading
  • 00:14:06
    up to color coming back just cuz it's
  • 00:14:09
    not ideal but on the bright
  • 00:14:13
    side
  • 00:14:16
    hello
  • 00:14:17
    ay oh God scare the life out of
  • 00:14:20
    me ay just walked through the door um by
  • 00:14:24
    the bright side going out tonight which
  • 00:14:26
    is going to be my first night out in
  • 00:14:27
    about
  • 00:14:29
    two years I think maybe more maybe less
  • 00:14:32
    I don't know but
  • 00:14:34
    nervous looking forward to it but also
  • 00:14:37
    very nervous cuz I think I'll have like
  • 00:14:38
    two drinks and then that'll be enough
  • 00:14:40
    for me but um can't take my camera on
  • 00:14:44
    and out obviously but I
  • 00:14:46
    am excited nervous scared looking
  • 00:14:50
    forward to it and yeah as long as I
  • 00:14:54
    don't cry by the end of the night it's a
  • 00:14:57
    success oh my God put your
  • 00:15:01
    hair come say
  • 00:15:06
    hi
  • 00:15:09
    hey good
  • 00:15:11
    morning it is the morning after the
  • 00:15:13
    night out the day before I'm at my
  • 00:15:16
    parents house in their spare
  • 00:15:18
    bedroom where I lived for about 2 weeks
  • 00:15:21
    a little while ago and like felt
  • 00:15:25
    nice and then I went out and then it was
  • 00:15:28
    just like yeah this is too soon this is
  • 00:15:30
    way too soon because all I was picturing
  • 00:15:32
    in my head is stuff that normal people
  • 00:15:35
    just wouldn't picture on a night out
  • 00:15:37
    um and just kind of getting like pushed
  • 00:15:40
    and shoved obviously it's Christmas
  • 00:15:42
    that's you know going to be busy
  • 00:15:43
    everywhere but then there's like
  • 00:15:43
    Christmas music ping and I'm just
  • 00:15:45
    literally standing and there're
  • 00:15:48
    like
  • 00:15:50
    just just too soon to be going out and
  • 00:15:53
    doing things um I don't know why I'm
  • 00:15:57
    doing this I think it's just like
  • 00:16:00
    maybe a survival guide for anyone in the
  • 00:16:02
    future that's going to go through a
  • 00:16:04
    breakup or going through a really hard
  • 00:16:05
    time with a partner and
  • 00:16:07
    just either oh this worked well for me
  • 00:16:09
    or this didn't work well for me or don't
  • 00:16:11
    follow any advice that I'm giving or do
  • 00:16:13
    follow this I don't know I don't really
  • 00:16:15
    know what I'm doing that's pretty much
  • 00:16:16
    the story of my life right now but um
  • 00:16:20
    I'm glad I did it to know that that's
  • 00:16:22
    not what I want to do be going out and
  • 00:16:24
    partying and this that the
  • 00:16:26
    other but I'd much rather like get ready
  • 00:16:30
    have a few drinks um I think I enjoy the
  • 00:16:33
    process of getting ready to go out
  • 00:16:35
    rather than actually going out a lot
  • 00:16:37
    more than going out so I think in the
  • 00:16:40
    future I'd rather just like get ready
  • 00:16:42
    make myself feel nice and then go out
  • 00:16:44
    for
  • 00:16:45
    dinner and then have a couple drinks and
  • 00:16:47
    then be at home with cover by like 8:00
  • 00:16:49
    p.m. 9:00 p.m. that would be nice it's
  • 00:16:51
    just
  • 00:16:53
    not I'm just not there I'm not in the
  • 00:16:55
    place to be going out and having a good
  • 00:16:59
    time when I'm not in a good mood I don't
  • 00:17:02
    have it in me to loosen up and be free
  • 00:17:04
    and have a good time and be your happy
  • 00:17:08
    because well I'm not
  • 00:17:11
    um I'm really not happy this isn't what
  • 00:17:13
    I pictured don't want to cry I tried the
  • 00:17:17
    night out 4 weeks
  • 00:17:19
    later probably wasn't the best idea but
  • 00:17:21
    I really enjoyed the getting ready part
  • 00:17:22
    and making myself feel nice and stuff
  • 00:17:24
    like that but then when we actually got
  • 00:17:26
    out it was just like oh okay it's like
  • 00:17:29
    in the movies you when you're getting
  • 00:17:30
    pushed and shoved and you're just like I
  • 00:17:31
    just want to go home and get a Chinese
  • 00:17:33
    and crawl up on the sofa with your
  • 00:17:36
    person and just um well not your person
  • 00:17:39
    but
  • 00:17:40
    your whoever in a loving
  • 00:17:45
    way but I just can't do that
  • 00:17:48
    anymore well I don't know if it's a good
  • 00:17:50
    thing or a bad thing because Co is so
  • 00:17:52
    young he's 10 months old I don't know if
  • 00:17:54
    that's like good or bad but he will
  • 00:17:56
    notice that I'm stressed or that is
  • 00:17:58
    patterns that are changing that
  • 00:18:00
    nothing's in a routine and I don't know
  • 00:18:04
    so just a bit hard but my tip if anyone
  • 00:18:07
    is going through something like me
  • 00:18:09
    hopefully no one is going through
  • 00:18:10
    something like me but um surround
  • 00:18:13
    yourself of loved ones don't go out too
  • 00:18:16
    soon
  • 00:18:18
    you need time to
  • 00:18:21
    heal what I pictured my life just isn't
  • 00:18:24
    what my reality is and
  • 00:18:27
    like like I'm still grieving a breakup
  • 00:18:30
    grieving a marriage and like it's a
  • 00:18:31
    proper grieving process and then
  • 00:18:34
    like you could say
  • 00:18:37
    the other person or hypothetical
  • 00:18:41
    situation in a
  • 00:18:43
    relationship one
  • 00:18:46
    person's
  • 00:18:48
    distraught shocked ading headlights
  • 00:18:50
    trying to grieve trying to process
  • 00:18:52
    everything and then another person is a
  • 00:18:55
    year and a half two years into another
  • 00:18:57
    relationship
  • 00:19:01
    um yeah so that balance is
  • 00:19:05
    very very
  • 00:19:07
    different that just kind of puts a bit
  • 00:19:09
    of a not a Twist on things but just
  • 00:19:12
    makes it a lot
  • 00:19:14
    more traumatic I don't know what the
  • 00:19:16
    word is but yeah it's not it's not
  • 00:19:19
    a it's not a nice
  • 00:19:21
    feeling I'm not going to be a pushover
  • 00:19:24
    I'm a very strong woman I get that from
  • 00:19:26
    my mom and a really good relationship
  • 00:19:27
    with my dad so
  • 00:19:29
    so that's a
  • 00:19:31
    benefit I'm just not going to
  • 00:19:34
    be
  • 00:19:37
    this victim I don't know what the word
  • 00:19:39
    is I don't like using that victim
  • 00:19:40
    mentality but I'm not going to be this
  • 00:19:42
    blubbering mess sad depressed or
  • 00:19:45
    whatever you want to call it for the
  • 00:19:47
    rest of my life I'm not I'm just not
  • 00:19:48
    that's just not of my nature it's just
  • 00:19:49
    not as much as I can try and fight it
  • 00:19:52
    it's just not who I am so I just need
  • 00:19:54
    the time to heal process things try and
  • 00:19:57
    move forward with things in the best way
  • 00:19:58
    possible
  • 00:19:59
    because I'm hoping it's not going to get
  • 00:20:02
    messy but by the way things have gone
  • 00:20:04
    it's hard to keep
  • 00:20:06
    it
  • 00:20:08
    respectful so I will go over this I will
  • 00:20:11
    be better I just wish I could fast
  • 00:20:14
    forward to the time where I'm better and
  • 00:20:16
    I'm happy and I'm singing dancing
  • 00:20:21
    and yeah that would be nice me and Ka he
  • 00:20:26
    his little Walker
  • 00:20:29
    we're just getting ready to have dinner
  • 00:20:30
    his dinner is just in the oven this is
  • 00:20:32
    like my favorite time of
  • 00:20:34
    day it's always my favorite time of day
  • 00:20:36
    having like getting dinner ready having
  • 00:20:39
    a little dance B with him in the kitchen
  • 00:20:41
    and just yeah quality time I guess I am
  • 00:20:46
    cuz I'm on my I think I've been on a
  • 00:20:49
    fitness and health Journey for the last
  • 00:20:51
    like 10 years but um this has got a
  • 00:20:53
    whole new twist to things now so I feel
  • 00:20:56
    like I should be more motivated than
  • 00:20:57
    ever
  • 00:20:59
    so I've started writing little like
  • 00:21:01
    discipline messages to myself on the
  • 00:21:03
    board so excuse my hand Ryan I did this
  • 00:21:06
    in a rush says every time I skip a
  • 00:21:09
    healthy meal I silent message to myself
  • 00:21:10
    saying my goals don't really matter my
  • 00:21:12
    potential isn't worth the effort don't
  • 00:21:14
    let yourself down be her be that girl be
  • 00:21:17
    your own dream girl because I doing this
  • 00:21:20
    for me and me only obviously Kaa but I
  • 00:21:23
    just want to be in the best
  • 00:21:26
    mental state in my life kind it's a long
  • 00:21:29
    time coming but I can try and trick
  • 00:21:32
    myself or when I have good days really
  • 00:21:34
    feel those good days and when I have a s
  • 00:21:36
    day and when I have those sad days just
  • 00:21:38
    really Embrace that or just deal with
  • 00:21:41
    that I guess literally my life is just
  • 00:21:43
    like a roller coaster
  • 00:21:45
    so it is really tricky but we're going
  • 00:21:49
    to get by aren't we
  • 00:21:52
    Ka Kaa you saying
  • 00:21:54
    [Music]
  • 00:21:57
    hi weeks
  • 00:21:59
    but I'm trying to get into that mindset
  • 00:22:01
    of just taking one day at a time because
  • 00:22:02
    I don't know what's going to happen
  • 00:22:03
    tomorrow or the day after that
  • 00:22:06
    especially the type of situation I'm in
  • 00:22:08
    where there's lawyers involved and it's
  • 00:22:12
    a little bit tricky with things so just
  • 00:22:16
    trying to take things one day at a time
  • 00:22:18
    and try to not let things get the better
  • 00:22:21
    of me so at the minute it's been a good
  • 00:22:22
    day so I don't want to go into anything
  • 00:22:24
    sad
  • 00:22:26
    so yeah going to make some dinner with
  • 00:22:31
    Kaa like I'm glad that Co is asleep and
  • 00:22:33
    I have this time to myself but I don't
  • 00:22:35
    know if so much time to myself is a good
  • 00:22:37
    thing at the minute unless unless you've
  • 00:22:39
    going through a breakup or divorce
  • 00:22:42
    or some sort
  • 00:22:45
    of betrayal or whatever you want to call
  • 00:22:47
    it um it's really hard to explain the
  • 00:22:51
    feelings of how like empty you feel or
  • 00:22:53
    your your own selfworth and your
  • 00:22:55
    self-confidence
  • 00:22:57
    and stuff like that I
  • 00:23:00
    mean like it's been about 4 weeks 5
  • 00:23:04
    weeks until sorry since my marriage was
  • 00:23:09
    over or when I realized my marriage was
  • 00:23:13
    over and I think like it's you know it's
  • 00:23:16
    only been a month or so
  • 00:23:18
    and even though what was done
  • 00:23:22
    was you know really horrible and how it
  • 00:23:24
    ended was really horrible and stuff
  • 00:23:26
    but although that was horrific I
  • 00:23:30
    think somehow the treatment since has
  • 00:23:36
    been more surprising or more horrific or
  • 00:23:40
    I can't really put it into
  • 00:23:42
    words but it's just the zero remorse or
  • 00:23:46
    zero empathy to the situation
  • 00:23:51
    um which I am which I think I struggle
  • 00:23:55
    with the most um
  • 00:24:00
    so yeah it's all it's all a big
  • 00:24:02
    confusion it's all a big
  • 00:24:05
    like you know stabb to the heart in
  • 00:24:07
    multiple ways find out your whole
  • 00:24:08
    world's burn up and then next minute um
  • 00:24:11
    your bags are packed or my bags were
  • 00:24:13
    packed
  • 00:24:14
    so it's just a kind of hard one
  • 00:24:18
    to kind
  • 00:24:20
    of adjust to because a few weeks
  • 00:24:23
    ago it's December now so a few a few
  • 00:24:26
    weeks ago like I was
  • 00:24:29
    like things were planned for us to have
  • 00:24:31
    our next baby so so then to go from
  • 00:24:36
    that fast forward four or 5 Weeks Later
  • 00:24:38
    is
  • 00:24:40
    just really hard
  • 00:24:43
    to
  • 00:24:45
    um get into my head my head's not a nice
  • 00:24:48
    place in a minute anyway
  • 00:24:53
    but yeah I I don't really know um how
  • 00:24:56
    else to explain it
  • 00:24:58
    I'll be thankful one day um it'll make
  • 00:25:01
    me stronger I know that say good morning
  • 00:25:05
    YouTube say
  • 00:25:09
    hi just going to go for a walk and then
  • 00:25:13
    Kaa is away with his daddy for a little
  • 00:25:16
    while so I've got some time for myself
  • 00:25:18
    which is
  • 00:25:20
    good watch this he loves this funny H is
  • 00:25:24
    that funny
  • 00:25:30
    just thought I'd like show show you show
  • 00:25:33
    people some books that I've been trying
  • 00:25:36
    to
  • 00:25:37
    read um I got this book a little while
  • 00:25:40
    ago saying one day at a time I think
  • 00:25:42
    actually spoke about in my last Vlog
  • 00:25:43
    maybe it's basically like a little diary
  • 00:25:47
    um but it's like Got Deep meaningful
  • 00:25:48
    questions in it like
  • 00:25:52
    um okay this one says who do you trust
  • 00:25:54
    the most and
  • 00:25:56
    why um have you changed the The Last 5
  • 00:25:58
    Years three long-term go three long-term
  • 00:26:02
    goals um what something you finally come
  • 00:26:06
    to terms with and just stuff like that
  • 00:26:07
    just like deep rooted like
  • 00:26:10
    self-reflecting questions I think I got
  • 00:26:12
    this of Amazon and then just a everyday
  • 00:26:15
    journal and this was meant to find you
  • 00:26:19
    when you needed it the most uh Kelsey
  • 00:26:21
    got me this and it's such a good book it
  • 00:26:24
    is really really really like just
  • 00:26:28
    the final bit of mine and coa's
  • 00:26:30
    Christmas tree come so I wanted to do
  • 00:26:32
    like a 90s theme this year and for the
  • 00:26:34
    last few months I've been collecting all
  • 00:26:36
    these little ornaments they're quite
  • 00:26:37
    expensive so like I say expensive they
  • 00:26:39
    like range between like £5 to
  • 00:26:42
    like12 so it's like for me that's
  • 00:26:45
    expensive because it's a ball Bell but
  • 00:26:46
    um I just thought it was really cute
  • 00:26:49
    like a ' 90s Christmas tree there's a
  • 00:26:51
    nappies um my niece Faith she thought
  • 00:26:54
    coa's toy would go perfect as a star but
  • 00:26:57
    like I've got like a Disney theme so
  • 00:26:59
    like Toy Story Monsters Inc uh CO's
  • 00:27:04
    first Christmas that was when I went to
  • 00:27:06
    New York um the little highland
  • 00:27:10
    cow Sally and stuff like that 101
  • 00:27:13
    dations I just thought it was really
  • 00:27:16
    cute okay it was sunny but uh now cuz
  • 00:27:20
    we're in Scotland it's uh just about to
  • 00:27:23
    rain probably I stayed in bed on morning
  • 00:27:26
    I watched a movie CAU it ends with us
  • 00:27:28
    it's a really great movie we've wanted
  • 00:27:29
    to watch it for ages um I'd recommend
  • 00:27:31
    anyone to watch it speaking at Mill
  • 00:27:33
    miles an hour just need to chill I've
  • 00:27:35
    had a whole can of Monster
  • 00:27:38
    um I was planning on going to the gym
  • 00:27:41
    today but when Kaa comes back and goes
  • 00:27:43
    to bed I'll just do a workout at home I
  • 00:27:45
    have weights and stuff at home so I'm
  • 00:27:48
    actually going to go for a hike there's
  • 00:27:50
    a mountain near us called fish us
  • 00:27:53
    there's a mountain near where I live
  • 00:27:54
    called fish and I don't know how high is
  • 00:27:58
    but I haven't done it in about 2 years
  • 00:28:00
    so um I think it usually takes around 45
  • 00:28:02
    minutes to walk up probably take me over
  • 00:28:05
    an
  • 00:28:07
    hour I'm
  • 00:28:09
    dying just trying to see if there's
  • 00:28:11
    anyone watching or coming outside don't
  • 00:28:13
    like a weird I record to myself well for
  • 00:28:15
    anyone that is going
  • 00:28:17
    through a breakup or a similar
  • 00:28:20
    situation or just curious just thinking
  • 00:28:24
    there like just
  • 00:28:25
    because someone else is on a faster path
  • 00:28:30
    or a different situation in their life
  • 00:28:33
    than you are in ours and you're trying
  • 00:28:34
    to compare it doesn't mean that you have
  • 00:28:36
    to match that process like I went for a
  • 00:28:39
    KN out that was way too soon didn't
  • 00:28:41
    enjoy it I enjoyed the getting ready
  • 00:28:43
    part rather than going for night I'm
  • 00:28:45
    much more of a dinner and a couple
  • 00:28:47
    drinks type of girl then home for 9: um
  • 00:28:51
    and also just trying to think oh he's
  • 00:28:53
    moved on and he's done this and iest do
  • 00:28:56
    the same but like that's the worst thing
  • 00:28:58
    you can do whilst you're trying to like
  • 00:29:00
    heal something that's broken sounds so
  • 00:29:02
    cheasy I'm sorry but like learning who
  • 00:29:04
    you are trying to find who you are and
  • 00:29:06
    like learning so many things about
  • 00:29:07
    yourself and reflection of things that
  • 00:29:11
    maybe you could have done better cuz
  • 00:29:12
    obviously you blame yourself for certain
  • 00:29:14
    things which don't get me wrong I'm not
  • 00:29:16
    blaming myself for any part of the
  • 00:29:17
    situation but you always do blame
  • 00:29:20
    yourself for parts of where you know
  • 00:29:22
    your marriage or relationship breaks
  • 00:29:23
    down or broken down for it to end up in
  • 00:29:27
    this way way but like I know that I'm
  • 00:29:29
    going to be okay and I know that like
  • 00:29:33
    when me and COA find
  • 00:29:34
    are like forever home like it's going to
  • 00:29:37
    be such a nice magic bubble that it's
  • 00:29:40
    just going to be me and Ka and that's
  • 00:29:42
    going to be so happy or that's going to
  • 00:29:45
    bring me so much
  • 00:29:46
    happiness and although I love the house
  • 00:29:48
    that we're in just now it's it's too
  • 00:29:50
    broken for things to be fixed in so like
  • 00:29:54
    a fresh start when I eventually move
  • 00:29:56
    hope hopefully I'll document that
  • 00:29:57
    process
  • 00:29:59
    ESS well if all things go okay like
  • 00:30:02
    things
  • 00:30:04
    are like things are not as volatile as
  • 00:30:09
    they were before still horrific don't
  • 00:30:10
    get me wrong
  • 00:30:12
    but I want to be able to enjoy my son's
  • 00:30:15
    childhood he's only 10 months old and
  • 00:30:17
    having all this hatred and anger
  • 00:30:21
    and I don't even know what is just not
  • 00:30:23
    good for my happiness to be flooded that
  • 00:30:26
    way with all of that so I'm trying to
  • 00:30:30
    not even be the bigger
  • 00:30:32
    person cuz I'm furious but just trying
  • 00:30:37
    to accept things and trying to not let
  • 00:30:43
    things I don't know it's it's hard like
  • 00:30:46
    some days I'm angry some days I'm sad
  • 00:30:48
    some days I'm happy some days I'm like
  • 00:30:51
    singing Whitney houon and gangster rap
  • 00:30:54
    and all this kind of stuff snow
  • 00:31:02
    so far we've had
  • 00:31:03
    Sunshine rain and now
  • 00:31:11
    snow look at that
  • 00:31:15
    view Sun creeping
  • 00:31:19
    in so
  • 00:31:25
    snowy not sure if you can hear me it's
  • 00:31:27
    so so windy up here but I'm the only
  • 00:31:29
    person Onish actually only took me 50
  • 00:31:33
    minutes so maybe I was just really unfit
  • 00:31:36
    before and still already unfit now but
  • 00:31:37
    um quite surprised at the time it took
  • 00:31:41
    yeah it's
  • 00:31:49
    [Music]
  • 00:31:54
    nice family Sundays
  • 00:31:58
    [Music]
  • 00:32:08
    [Music]
  • 00:32:15
    it's been a different Vlog I do
  • 00:32:17
    apologize I know my other Vlogs are
  • 00:32:19
    quite depressing but this kind of takes
  • 00:32:21
    the first spot of depressing videos on
  • 00:32:23
    YouTube I'm sure uh a big thing for me
  • 00:32:27
    was having a good support system um I'm
  • 00:32:30
    really lucky I have an amazing
  • 00:32:32
    relationship with my mom and dad my mom
  • 00:32:33
    and dad are amazing and so is my sister
  • 00:32:36
    Rachel but having them obviously is
  • 00:32:39
    number one but having my friends is just
  • 00:32:42
    such a like literally just like
  • 00:32:43
    surrounded Me In Love they come up they
  • 00:32:45
    FLIR from London straight away and
  • 00:32:47
    helped
  • 00:32:48
    me reorganize the house and time to heal
  • 00:32:51
    I think it's really important like so
  • 00:32:52
    going out for walks like doing your
  • 00:32:54
    drives like blaring the music like for
  • 00:32:56
    me it's dancing in the kitchen in with
  • 00:32:58
    CER at night with music
  • 00:33:00
    playing it's very easy
  • 00:33:03
    to like jump in a new situation or go on
  • 00:33:07
    a dating website or trying to jump on
  • 00:33:10
    that situation which is very not me and
  • 00:33:13
    that's not healthy well I don't think
  • 00:33:15
    it's healthy I think that you need to
  • 00:33:17
    learn who you are and gain confidence
  • 00:33:20
    and your self-esteem and everything like
  • 00:33:22
    that it's going to take me a long time
  • 00:33:23
    to get that magic back in me but I know
  • 00:33:26
    that I have it I'm a very very confident
  • 00:33:29
    person not at the minute right now but I
  • 00:33:32
    know that I'm going to get that back and
  • 00:33:33
    I have the sounds so cheesy but it is
  • 00:33:37
    true but I have the ability to be who I
  • 00:33:39
    want to be I have so much more time to
  • 00:33:42
    myself than I ever would have had before
  • 00:33:45
    not really sure that's a good thing in
  • 00:33:46
    certain times but it is needed I've had
  • 00:33:50
    friends from school from from when I
  • 00:33:53
    lived in London all reach out to me that
  • 00:33:55
    I haven't spoken to in like years
  • 00:33:58
    is the way people have supported me
  • 00:34:00
    online messaging like even when I don't
  • 00:34:03
    even open the message they'll message me
  • 00:34:04
    again or they'll call me and like my
  • 00:34:07
    in-laws like Jodie Nikki they've been so
  • 00:34:11
    say in-laws soon to be ex-in-laws like
  • 00:34:14
    jod and Nikki they've been like really
  • 00:34:16
    really really supportive and then
  • 00:34:17
    obviously my ex or my no still my dad my
  • 00:34:21
    father-in-law Ben um like they've been
  • 00:34:25
    so supportive and I feel stronger
  • 00:34:27
    because of those people
  • 00:34:30
    and the number one thing is a support
  • 00:34:32
    system give yourself time to heal go
  • 00:34:35
    through those emotions do not jump in a
  • 00:34:37
    new relationship cuz that's never ever
  • 00:34:39
    ever healthy even though some people do
  • 00:34:42
    but that's not me
  • 00:34:45
    and
  • 00:34:47
    just take your time look how cute my Mr
  • 00:34:53
    Grinch
  • 00:34:55
    is this is from cover's cousin
  • 00:34:58
    [Laughter]
  • 00:34:59
    facei oh
  • 00:35:07
    cute oh this is the cutest little
  • 00:35:09
    costume I've ever
  • 00:35:14
    seen uh
Tags
  • separazione
  • genitorialità
  • salute mentale
  • resilienza
  • supporto familiare
  • guarigione
  • cambiamento di vita
  • documentazione
  • sfida personale
  • adattamento