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good morning to our Nova members and
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colleagues who have joined us this
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morning for the first in a series of
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informational webinars my name is Andy
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Eric I'm president of Nova's board of
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directors and hope that today's webinar
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with dr. suzanne anderson and the
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upcoming webinars will keep us connected
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and provide valuable information during
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this unprecedented covin 19 crisis as
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you are all aware Nova's diligent of
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about providing support for victims of
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crime and crisis everywhere and our
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latest challenge is no exception well
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many of us are under a work from home a
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situation or work from home order nova
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staff board members and colleagues want
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to provide you support and educational
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information to continue to best serve
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your clients and take care of yourselves
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during these unchartered times thank you
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for joining us I wish to welcome you on
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behalf of the Nova staff and board of
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directors I wish you all the best of
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Health and Safety as we work to support
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each other during this difficult time
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thank you
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Henson there or destruction of them
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won't answer as many as we can thank you
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all again for being with us today
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good evening I'm glad to be here with
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you and as Claire mentioned often crisis
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responders come from unaffected areas to
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affected areas and this time there are
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no affected areas we are all in this
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together I have family members who are
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in three countries while I'm based in
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Singapore I have a child in the United
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States and another child in Australia
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and essentially at this point the
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borders have been closed while I wish
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that we could see each other face to
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face and be in the same room and see
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each other without masks I am grateful
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for this technology that allows hundreds
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of people in many different places to
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come together for a little while there's
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been a lot that's focusing on the
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practical response took over nineteen
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and how to stay safe from Cobra 19 and
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I'm glad that we've come together
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tonight to focus on how it's impacting
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us individually and how we can take care
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of ourselves today we're going to be
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looking at the crisis reaction and the
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longer-term stress reactions because in
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fact sociologists have told us that in a
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pandemic
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there are really two pandemics there is
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the disease and there is panic or I
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would broaden it to say the emotion
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we'll take the second half to look at
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developing or strengthening our
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resilience and I'm hoping and at the end
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provides some resources for you to
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receive some follow-ups after the
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session today we live our lives with
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stress positive stress and negative
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stress that could be a sick child it
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could be an angry boss it's a
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to getting to work but it's a thick line
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at the top and the bottom show us that
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day-to-day stress falls within a normal
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range and that day-to-day stress it's
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usually us and we can turn to our
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friends and other people in our
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community to help us know how to
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navigate those kind of stresses the
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stress that we are facing today is
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traumatic stress there are two types of
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traumatic stress there's acute which
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would be a time-limited disaster such as
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an earthquake and then there is chronic
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stress which most often we think about
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being child abuse or domestic violence
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and in this case it is pandemic as I
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think about the conic stress of this
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pandemic it's felt to me like a weighted
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blanket we have to go around with daily
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taking care of our children working our
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jobs and at the same time trying to lift
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up this very heavy thing that has
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descended on us I also think of it as
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creeping it in waves there's different
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times this correct crisis starts for
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each one of us a different time when it
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becomes real from a crisis response
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model we would look at warning and
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threat warning is when we know that
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there'll be a crisis happening and
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threat is when we start to have the
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sensorial engagement of it we can see it
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hear it taste it and so each of us will
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encounter this crisis in different ways
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it might be with our children who all
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have powers down when we get relocated
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to work from home it could see when
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somebody we know whether a public figure
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or somebody personally in our lives ends
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up with Cobras we do have a natural
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human response now so flowers
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a crisis reaction and many people just
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simply summarized it a very
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unsophisticated way but it's I feel like
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I'm going crazy and that sums it up but
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the interesting thing about it is that
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it does follow a natural pattern and
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while it can be unique to each one of us
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looking at that natural pattern means
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that we can create order or some kind of
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order out of chaos
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we individuals may experience some or
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all of the parts of these and it's not
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unusual to experience this crisis
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reaction over and over with the waves of
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the crisis that it talks about or later
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in response to a cue or trigger or
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something that reminds us so I'm
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starting off with Colvin 19 I want to
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look at the emotional reaction first
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because I think it is the one that we're
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most aware of and in stage one we have
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the shock denial and disbelief in this
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crisis I think about it feeling
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impossible or surreal or
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incomprehensible with that denial it's
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hard to know when we're getting warnings
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about this crisis or starting to move
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into threats what action we need to take
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we have competing needs we have the
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competing need to stay healthy that also
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goes along with continuing our daily
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lives we can have regression and that
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regression making it hard to move or to
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make decisions and many of these stage
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one responses happen in our automatic
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brain that same brain that the lizard
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and the busy bruh has and later on we
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question ourselves with our advanced
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brain and say why did we do what we did
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and judge ourselves and most often judge
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ourselves in the negative we move on to
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having a cataclysm of emotion there can
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be fear and we can have fear and daily
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mistake or Heights but terror is when
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the veil of immortality is torn away
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when we realize as life can be changed
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permanently for the negative some way
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the pants think we have this unseen
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danger this unseen threat which
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increases the feeling of dread along
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with that fear and terror
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I heard someone make the comment I think
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I've had the virus six times already
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there's that constant self-monitoring
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people have talked about having panic
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attacks and anxiety attacks for the
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first time in their lives in fact I had
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one teacher say that now she's going to
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be a lot more sympathetic with her
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adolescent students who have those kind
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of panic attacks we can have fear and
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terror of coughs and sneezes one of my
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colleagues says I can't wait for the day
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that a cough is just a coffee ghin and
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that can be a fear and terror of our own
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coughs and sneezes have their own around
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anger and anger is the kind of thing we
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can have every day we often socialize it
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and make sure that we don't get too
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angry and damaged the relationships that
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we have with other people but when
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something so ruinous is happening
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sometimes that anger can be fury or it
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can be an outrage the interesting thing
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about this crisis is what can we be
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angry at who can we be angry at and
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unfortunately the origin the virus we
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can't see and we don't know how to be
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angry at that and so often that anger in
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this pandemic turns to the people around
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us it might you know be our family
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members it might be people that we're
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working with every day I have this
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hypothesis that in this crisis we have
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this saying don't shoot the messenger
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because the messenger is the bearer of
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bad news and I believe that the
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government's and authorities are making
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and that employers and schools have
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become the messengers of having to
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interpret those and to take action and
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that often our employers are the ones
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that are closest to us to lash out at
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there can be confusion and frustration
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and we heard the Chicago Chiefs of
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immunology today many of you may have
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watched her on the video talking about
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how the information is changing so
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rapidly day after day and we're trying
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information is as essential as food and
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water the Federal Emergency Management
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Agency tells us and yet it seems so
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impossible to find accurate information
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that's not changing on a regular basis
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there's not predictability we can't look
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to other survivors as clearly as we can
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to some disasters that happen routinely
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like hurricanes and earthquakes to
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figure out what are the most effective
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ways to cope and so we moved into trying
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to take care of ourselves but then also
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judging ourselves in some ways I think
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almost torturing ourselves and saying in
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guilt himself lame if only I had done
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this should I have done this why did I
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do this or why didn't I do that and
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sometimes that comes through when people
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ask us questions about our choices or
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we're making different choices than
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they're making and if somehow we fail to
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protect ourselves if somehow we have
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failed to protect ourselves and keeping
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our jobs or educating our kids or
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keeping ourselves healthy and if someone
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in our family or our loved ones or
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ourselves become infected with the
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köppen 19 there may be that kind of
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shame and humiliation about having made
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the wrong choices sometimes in crisis
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like these details private details of
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our lives become public
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sometimes we have to depend on family
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and friends instead of being able to
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function independently like do in our
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day-to-day life and then finally we come
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to a place of grief and sorrow and that
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grief and sorrow can include physical
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losses material losses and intangible
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losses the physical losses are obvious
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in terms of the illness and the death
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for some that have come with this
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disease the material and intangible
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losses but intangible as many of you
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know as crisis responders are often the
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hardest to name some of the ones that
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I've been seeing is the loss of time and
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experiences celebrations for life events
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I know of weddings that have been
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canceled and as large gatherings are
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being canceled there are many things
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that we've been anticipating and looking
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forward to travel on holiday breaks I
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want to mention in our seniors and some
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juniors in our high schools who are
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facing all of the senior rituals of
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graduation and other activities being
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canceled and we look at high populace a
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high risk populations in crisis and say
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who's going to be most at risk to have
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impact and we automatically think of the
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young the very young and mothers and the
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elderly and domestic violence victims
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you know personal violence but there's
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another really interesting category
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those are people who have had major life
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events interrupted by a crisis and so I
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think about our seniors in high school
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and try and kind of figure out how to
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mark this year as they're graduating and
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moving on into adulthood I've heard
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people talk about a sensory
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deprivation sitting behind video cameras
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and computer screens and talking to
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people connections but not being able to
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see each other face-to-face and in fact
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some people have described when they get
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face to face again
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to feel almost euphoric for people who
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are wearing masks you know the loss of
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sensation of the air on your face the
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loss of independence of being able to go
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out of our home whenever we want to have
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autonomy and independence many college
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students having to live with other
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families and not being able to go to
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their own family sometimes in crises
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like this people move and they move very
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quickly and there are no time for
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goodbyes and communities change in their
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demographics and we don't have the same
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communities that we had before there can
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be a loss of energy that loss of energy
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because every time we change our routine
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it takes extra energy to learn a new
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routine and so many of us are now
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working from home we have children that
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are schooling from home we may have to
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be co-teaching
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with teachers of school and all of that
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involves living differently figuring out
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you know where people can do things in
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the house because everybody's home and
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all of that can contribute to a heavier
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tiredness lots of energy there can be a
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loss of certainty we have a piece and
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exceedance to our lives that we have you
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know our weekdays and our weekends and
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there's our morning noon and night and
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many people have talked about losing
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kind of track of what day of the week it
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is because the usual things that cue us
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to recognize that pace and time
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in life have changed and this site
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question that comes up all the time at
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the basis of everything is the winners
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was the commit when is it going to end
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and not having any certainty hearing
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okay in a couple weeks things are going
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to get better and some people saying
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much longer than that and so all of
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those things are part of the grief and
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sorrow that we experience and it's we
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have this crisis reaction in response to
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the crisis itself and then we go through
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the grief for each of those physical and
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material and intangible losses and then
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ideally we come down to a place of
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reconstruction I guess I would say that
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our goal in reconstruction we know that
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we can't so back to normal the way it
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was before but to create a new normal
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and that that new normal might actually
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include post-traumatic growth I was
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talking to one in the other day and she
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said that she had said to her husband
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let's not waste this and he didn't know
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exactly what she was saying the truth is
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that often reconstruction in the choice
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of what a crisis means in our lives
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happens after the crisis is finished but
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this crisis is slow so slow moving and
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[Music]
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this crisis is so slow-moving and we
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have time a lot more time at home to
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think about how we want to write the
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story or the narrative of this crisis
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even as we continue to go through the
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roller coaster it's happening I want to
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say a word about community and in
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talking about community often we judge
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ourselves and each other about the right
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and the wrong way to cope
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and in judging each other we care at the
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social fabric and I realized many for
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many of us that is rooted in the fear
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and the terror of wanting to stay
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healthy and to not be affected by that
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disease but we need to recognize that we
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can knit together that social fabric by
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recognizing that we all have a unique
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path that we can take through this
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crisis and we need to figure out what
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each of us individually needs you also
00:19:39
have a parallel physical reaction and
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that parallel physical reaction starts
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with shock disorientation and numbness
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and as I've been living through a number
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of waves here in Singapore I feel like
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that numbness that shock comes with each
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new ways I don't feel like the physical
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reaction we have here is as dramatic as
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been an earthquake or a time-limited
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disaster but I think it is there humming
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underneath the surface the stage to
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fight and flight reaction feels more
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like a nervous energy and maybe our
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stomach is upset and we're not as
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interested in eating of course for some
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of us we want to eat more but for many
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there can be this kind of nervous energy
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and it's there the nervous system is
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turned on it's monitoring the
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environment and it's hard to rest it's
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hard to go to sleep and many of us what
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a crisis happens we start moving we
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start working we start planning and we
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keep at it
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we don't sleep very much we stay very
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busy and we're trying to ameliorate it
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we're trying to make it not as ruinous
00:21:01
the fact is is that this isn't a sprint
00:21:04
crisis this is a marathon crisis and
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we're going to get exhausted and we need
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to actually
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rest and saline into that at time we can
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have some behavioral reactions that they
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have your reaction anxiety trauma
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reaction by nature is an anxiety
00:21:34
reaction we can have difficulty sleeping
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that can be that we sleep too much or we
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don't sleep enough or it can be that
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we're okay going to sleep so we have a
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really hard time staying asleep we wake
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up in the early hours with our mind
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going and that buzz that I talked about
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being ready to respond that that low
00:22:00
kind of fight and flight we might have
00:22:03
the inability to concentrate and as we
00:22:07
have this inability to concentrate it's
00:22:10
hard to focus on work or to make
00:22:12
decisions sometimes people that
00:22:15
subscribes kind of going in a circle
00:22:17
they know they're walking to do
00:22:18
something but can't remember what it is
00:22:20
so they go back and that this happens
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kind of back and forth or starting a
00:22:25
task task and finishing a task for some
00:22:29
people with the hyper vigilance that
00:22:31
they are experiencing they're monitoring
00:22:33
their environment and there can be an
00:22:36
accompanying startled reaction when
00:22:38
something surprises them that they
00:22:40
haven't registered as they're watching
00:22:45
their environment there can be increased
00:22:47
irritability there is as the same
00:22:49
patient the nervous system is turned on
00:22:52
and there's a quick response to things
00:22:57
that happen so I want to say just a word
00:23:04
about kind of long-term crisis reactions
00:23:07
often again in a time limited crisis
00:23:10
like an earthquake the longer-term
00:23:13
reactions we think of happening in a
00:23:16
month two months six months a year out
00:23:19
and we think of it coming later after
00:23:23
the end of a crisis and after recovery
00:23:26
has started and we are not to the end of
00:23:29
the
00:23:30
crisis yet I do think we have some
00:23:34
longer-term reactions and I think what's
00:23:36
going to happen is we're going to have
00:23:38
overlaps of you know short-term the
00:23:41
immediate reactions to the new waves and
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some of the longer-term triggers that we
00:23:46
might experience so you can see the long
00:23:52
term crisis reactions but some of those
00:23:55
can be triggered and I think in this
00:23:57
crisis triggered a lot by the people
00:23:59
that we're looking to for help and many
00:24:05
people describe the crisis is being bad
00:24:09
but then when they are turn to others
00:24:13
for support and they can't get the
00:24:15
support they're looking for or it's
00:24:16
provided in an insensitive way as being
00:24:19
a secondary injury and that that
00:24:22
secondary injury or secondary trauma is
00:24:26
more significant or more angry making
00:24:30
than the first and they can come from
00:24:32
any of these people who we turn to for
00:24:36
help and I think you know the confusion
00:24:38
we look at the media and family and
00:24:41
friends questioning us and the decisions
00:24:43
that we're making for ourselves or for
00:24:46
our family and you'll see that I put
00:24:50
down there government authorities and
00:24:53
employers and this is where I spoke
00:24:55
earlier as feeling like our players are
00:24:57
having to interpret all the guidelines
00:25:00
that governments are putting out there
00:25:06
so you may have experienced some of
00:25:10
these crisis reacts or some of the
00:25:13
longer-term reactions and I guess that I
00:25:17
would predict and prepare for you that
00:25:20
you're going to probably continue to
00:25:22
feel them with each new ways you might
00:25:25
become a little bit proficient and
00:25:27
starting to recognize and go oh my gosh
00:25:29
I'm feeling that shock and denial again
00:25:32
but I remember a psychologist
00:25:36
specializing in PTSD and she was in
00:25:40
Thailand after the Asian tsunami and
00:25:43
she was walking through the airport and
00:25:45
she knew exactly what was happening to
00:25:47
her every single reaction and she still
00:25:50
couldn't stop it it was just happening
00:25:52
internally in there at the same time as
00:25:57
we're experiencing these crisis
00:26:00
reactions in these ways we are by nature
00:26:03
resilient and after a traumatic event
00:26:08
like this pandemic we can return to an
00:26:11
equilibrium but because this is such a
00:26:15
slow-moving crisis I think that we can
00:26:18
also work on that resilient Wow the
00:26:22
crisis is still unfolding so I have this
00:26:27
cup of water here and I'm not going to
00:26:31
ask you if it's half full or half empty
00:26:32
what I'm going to say is I probably 10
00:26:37
ounces of water and I can hold it very
00:26:40
easily here in my hand but if I try and
00:26:44
hold it for half an hour my hand starts
00:26:48
and my arm starts to freeze up and if I
00:26:51
try to hold it all day my arm would
00:26:53
probably lock in place or I just
00:26:56
couldn't hold it anymore and chronic
00:26:59
stress is like this glass of water after
00:27:03
a day or after a couple of days we have
00:27:06
to figure out how to put that glass of
00:27:10
water down how to put that stress down
00:27:14
so just a brief word on unhelpful coping
00:27:19
generally unhelpful coping is around
00:27:22
this avoidance so it could be through
00:27:25
substance use or risk-taking behavior it
00:27:29
can be numbing out lashing out
00:27:32
emotionally and I humorously want to
00:27:36
think about the mother of all Netflix
00:27:38
binges because Netflix binges in my
00:27:42
counseling office cover all demographics
00:27:45
of clients and often people talk about
00:27:48
feeling disconnected from reality and
00:27:51
now we have this time in front of us
00:27:54
that we need to fill and we don't
00:27:57
want to check out we do want distraction
00:28:00
we do want times that we can escape to a
00:28:03
safe place but we also need to look at
00:28:06
reality and facing reality so as within
00:28:11
anything that challenges us we do have
00:28:15
the opportunity to grow and I want to
00:28:18
talk a little bio about resilience about
00:28:21
bouncing back when things are tough
00:28:23
about moving from being victims to
00:28:27
surviving and thriving growing stronger
00:28:31
through difficulties and it's not a
00:28:33
characteristic that we have or we don't
00:28:37
have it's not encoded in our DNA
00:28:40
it's a capacity it can be deliberately
00:28:44
learned and fostered and it can become a
00:28:49
lifestyle I had the privilege and the
00:28:54
opportunity to work with a community in
00:28:58
Jakarta a school community that had a
00:29:01
crisis that started in 2014 and
00:29:05
continued and we sent crisis response
00:29:08
teams that that initial start and it
00:29:11
continued to get worse over the next six
00:29:13
months and we sent another crisis
00:29:16
response team before we did we gave a
00:29:20
survey to that community to say you know
00:29:23
how is this affecting you what are your
00:29:25
concerns what kind of support do you
00:29:28
need and the summary of that input was
00:29:31
how can we live with the hammer of
00:29:36
Damocles I say hanging over our heads
00:29:39
how can we go into our classrooms and
00:29:42
teach every day when we keep seeing it
00:29:45
get worse and we're afraid that's going
00:29:47
to get even more severe and so we looked
00:29:51
at that's really about resilience it's
00:29:54
about strengthening or so and so the
00:29:57
next section of this presentation is the
00:30:00
materials that we put together the team
00:30:04
that responded and I was a little bit
00:30:08
anxious as we watch that commune
00:30:11
because I wanted to make sure we weren't
00:30:12
suggesting that you hold the beach ball
00:30:15
of anxiety under the water and just
00:30:17
ignore it were we really teaching
00:30:20
resilience a year later in 2015 the
00:30:26
worst outcome in the crisis that was
00:30:28
worried about happened and I knew in
00:30:31
advance that it was going to and I kept
00:30:33
saying to myself if we taught them
00:30:36
resilience they'll be able to roll with
00:30:38
the wave through this
00:30:40
and if we taught them to hold the beach
00:30:42
ball of anxiety underneath the surface
00:30:44
it will explode and they did end up
00:30:47
rolling through that crisis and so I'd
00:30:51
like to share some of those with you
00:30:53
right now we start off with physical
00:30:56
health and abilities and I'm sure you
00:30:57
look at the slide and most of this you
00:31:00
you know but sometimes we need reminders
00:31:04
we can forget to drink our water we can
00:31:06
forget to eat and yet those are the
00:31:09
basic things we need our body is under
00:31:12
continual stress right now and it's
00:31:15
going to be under a continual stress for
00:31:17
a while if this is a sprint is not a
00:31:21
sprint it's a marathon and so we want to
00:31:24
go back to those basics that are going
00:31:26
to help us to endure that are going to
00:31:29
help us to be strong I think we want to
00:31:33
really focus on these in terms of how
00:31:35
they can strengthen our immunity and it
00:31:38
helped us to be healthier and I want to
00:31:42
add in there one about taking time for
00:31:45
short breaks I think it can be hard with
00:31:49
that nervous energy to focus for long
00:31:51
periods of time on work and schooling
00:31:54
and so sometimes people have found it
00:31:56
helpful it helpful to work and take a
00:31:59
break and work and take a break and it's
00:32:01
really that self-care in between each
00:32:05
time that we're working that helps us to
00:32:08
have that endurance we want to look at
00:32:13
our emotional capacity I talked about
00:32:16
the old brain responding and many of you
00:32:19
may already know that when we name our
00:32:21
feelings we put a word
00:32:24
to it we automatically move from our old
00:32:27
brain to our new brain we immediately
00:32:30
access the language the ability to
00:32:33
problem-solve
00:32:34
the ability to analyze and to compare
00:32:37
and to make better decisions so we want
00:32:39
to name those feelings we have a
00:32:44
nervousness and I've talked about that
00:32:47
kind of nervousness and and buzz that we
00:32:51
have and I've decided to name mine
00:32:54
pandemic onset attention deficit and so
00:32:58
I feel you know in naming it there's
00:33:01
humor
00:33:02
there's acknowledgement instead of
00:33:05
constantly being frustrated with myself
00:33:07
about having difficulty concentrating at
00:33:12
this time we want to find a way to
00:33:16
compartmentalize our emotions but to not
00:33:19
stuff them stuffing them is like that
00:33:21
beach ball I mentioned and we all know
00:33:23
how hard it is to push that beach ball
00:33:26
underneath the water with one hand and
00:33:28
then if we get distracted it pops back
00:33:30
up this is about setting a time to
00:33:34
recognize our emotions and to process
00:33:37
our emotions and to set a time for
00:33:40
working in a set a time for cool and to
00:33:43
not let all of those emotions the fear
00:33:47
the terror the anger the confusion over
00:33:51
ride all of our time all of our days we
00:33:56
want to find ways to express those
00:33:58
emotions and it can be talking for many
00:34:01
people it can be journaling it can be
00:34:04
movement it can be play we want to
00:34:08
access all those ways of expressing our
00:34:11
emotions we want to remember to laugh
00:34:14
and we want to allow ourselves to cry I
00:34:18
right now maybe that some of you really
00:34:21
enjoys the Google memes or excuse me I
00:34:25
suggest that you Google Co vid 19 memes
00:34:29
which I enjoy doing you can get some
00:34:32
quite humorous things and I've impressed
00:34:35
my kids by sending some of them they're
00:34:37
surprised
00:34:38
an adult as old as I am understands what
00:34:41
means are and so I've used that as a
00:34:44
source of humor and and tears you know
00:34:47
there's a sad movie or you could put
00:34:50
together an angst playlist you know that
00:34:52
list of songs that when you play it and
00:34:55
you really need a chance to turn open
00:34:58
the tap the tap of anxiety and fear and
00:35:02
let it come out in it in sadness and
00:35:05
then close it and go back to coping and
00:35:09
then find a time to open that tap again
00:35:12
there's a lot of fear that comes with
00:35:15
this kind of crisis and we can increase
00:35:18
our capacity to manage fear we can
00:35:21
choose to do something every day that we
00:35:24
want to procrastinate on or put off
00:35:26
because we fear it pretty easiest and
00:35:29
then the next and the next and the next
00:35:31
and watch your capacity to do things
00:35:35
that you fear develop our capacities are
00:35:44
really important crisis and is equal to
00:35:48
chaos and chaos really interferes with
00:35:53
our cognitive capacities our routines
00:35:56
change you know many of you know Mark
00:35:58
Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs they wear the
00:36:01
same clothing every day so that they
00:36:04
don't suffer with decision fatigue they
00:36:07
don't use up the energy picking what
00:36:09
they're going to wear each day they save
00:36:11
it for their creative development and so
00:36:15
as we are doing new things every day new
00:36:20
patterns we need to be careful about our
00:36:22
own decision fatigue and so think about
00:36:25
how you can simplify things
00:36:27
figure out what's unnecessary the other
00:36:31
day I helped my family isn't listening
00:36:35
but there's these articles they all
00:36:37
think I should read and I just took them
00:36:39
and I threw them away because I didn't
00:36:40
want to look at them every day sitting
00:36:42
there reminding me of something that
00:36:44
somebody else wanted to do so figure out
00:36:48
how to simplify create structure and you
00:36:51
habits in routine some of you may have
00:36:55
been seeing that the submarine earth who
00:36:58
spent so long underneath the sea or
00:37:01
astronauts who spend so much time on the
00:37:04
Space Station's have started to give us
00:37:07
some really good advice about
00:37:09
structuring our days and having a
00:37:11
routine that we go through in a schedule
00:37:13
they also are talking to us about how we
00:37:16
can schedule our weeks you know to
00:37:18
schedule really special things on the
00:37:21
weekend so that we remember that time
00:37:24
and anticipate it and to keep track of
00:37:29
time as its pacing we have a natural
00:37:33
tendency to catastrophize it is
00:37:36
something that it's kept us alive from
00:37:39
an evolutionary standpoint the problem
00:37:42
is is that that can turn into too much
00:37:45
worry and too much rumination so we want
00:37:48
to use that tendency that help us keep
00:37:51
space and to worry well when we start to
00:37:55
worry about something we want to ask
00:37:57
ourselves is this something that I can
00:37:59
control or something that I can't
00:38:01
control and if I can control do
00:38:04
something about it and if I can't
00:38:06
control it to let it go and then to
00:38:10
overcome that natural tendency to filter
00:38:14
in only the things that we worry and are
00:38:17
scared about we want to try and focus on
00:38:20
the things that are good right now and
00:38:23
to provide a counterbalance a weight
00:38:27
sometimes we have profound caring that
00:38:31
happens one person to another that we it
00:38:35
surprises us these random acts of
00:38:37
kindness that seemed to become more
00:38:40
common in a crisis and as a crisis drags
00:38:43
on and we want to focus on some of those
00:38:46
would you want to limit our media
00:38:49
exposure and to pick reliable sources
00:38:52
that we can depend on and not the ones
00:38:56
that are going to take us on a roller
00:38:58
coaster of emotion and I'd like to just
00:39:01
highlight another issue for kids right
00:39:03
now
00:39:04
and that is that as adult we can tell
00:39:07
that the ten stories that we read about
00:39:09
today we're just all different facets of
00:39:12
what's may be happening in one place but
00:39:15
for kids when they are hearing these
00:39:17
stories it's like here's a new crisis
00:39:19
and here's another one and it's like
00:39:21
they've just heard about ten different
00:39:23
crises and so their world can get
00:39:26
scarier so we want to try and really
00:39:29
limit that media exposure for our kids
00:39:35
resilience happens also with education
00:39:38
and learning I wonder how many of you
00:39:41
have said to yourself maybe even
00:39:44
silently or aloud to somebody I never
00:39:47
thought I could link what are you
00:39:51
learning about yourself what are you
00:39:54
learning about other people and we can
00:39:57
learn a lot about ourselves through
00:39:59
these times you can become an expert on
00:40:02
the crisis you know there's the old
00:40:05
adage of information is power we can
00:40:08
reduce our helplessness for some of us
00:40:11
that learning the intricacies of a
00:40:14
crisis this and help us to feel a little
00:40:18
more powerful we can learn about the
00:40:21
reactions that people are having we can
00:40:24
find out what's the impact of
00:40:26
confinement on people one of the things
00:40:29
that I've been wondering about is
00:40:30
delivering neurons those neurons that
00:40:33
support our empathy of one another work
00:40:36
is effectively through an electronically
00:40:39
facilitated communication or are they
00:40:43
hampered in some way at that part of the
00:40:45
sensory deprivation that people feel
00:40:47
when that's their primary mode of
00:40:48
communication how are they sequencing
00:40:52
Jones genome so that they can figure out
00:40:55
the tracking of how the virus was spread
00:40:59
from one person specifically to another
00:41:01
person and to another person so there's
00:41:04
a lot that we can learn also do you want
00:41:08
to learn something new during this time
00:41:11
if you're having extra time and I
00:41:13
recognize some people have no extra time
00:41:16
and in fact
00:41:17
they feel busier than anything but some
00:41:20
people are having a lot of extra time
00:41:22
and I think this is where that statement
00:41:24
comes in I don't want to waste it
00:41:27
I part of people learning new languages
00:41:30
I've seen that there are online classes
00:41:33
that are being offered for free or at
00:41:35
reduced rates is there a new craft but I
00:41:40
think this one starts off with thinking
00:41:43
about all the times you have said in
00:41:45
your life if I only had the time I would
00:41:48
and look at what are those things within
00:41:51
your home or wherever it is that you're
00:41:54
staying that you can take advantage of
00:41:57
this time social support could just like
00:42:01
communication social support is as
00:42:04
essential as food shelter and water our
00:42:08
social support and this is really an
00:42:11
interesting language differentiation
00:42:13
we're talking a lot about social
00:42:15
distancing but there are some people I
00:42:17
can't say that it started with me that
00:42:20
are recommending we say physical
00:42:22
distancing instead of social distancing
00:42:25
because actually we need to socially
00:42:28
connect and when we say physical
00:42:30
distancing were really naming the action
00:42:34
that we need to do to stay healthy and
00:42:36
to stop this virus from moving from one
00:42:40
person to another there are many new
00:42:44
ways of accessing social support there's
00:42:47
coffees and yoga and discussion groups
00:42:50
you've seen the elbow bump and I love
00:42:54
the elbow bump but I also love this tap
00:42:57
that I've seen some people do with the
00:42:59
inside of one of their feet and the
00:43:01
inside of the other foot with another
00:43:03
person and I love it because it just
00:43:06
reminds me how much that even when we're
00:43:08
supposed to be keeping our distance we
00:43:10
really need social connections at the
00:43:14
same time we may be with family members
00:43:18
who we used to only see at the beginning
00:43:21
of the day and the end of the day and on
00:43:24
the weekend 24/7 and we've got to manage
00:43:28
that too because you know we can have
00:43:30
too much connection with some people and
00:43:33
so we might want to set up no contact
00:43:37
hours in agreement where we can do our
00:43:40
own thing or some people when there's
00:43:42
limited space they have ones getaway
00:43:45
space and they rotate through it and
00:43:47
while they're in that no-contact space
00:43:50
they can do whatever they want to and
00:43:52
they don't have to worry about being
00:43:54
interrupted I had one person tell me
00:43:57
staying in an apartment for a while that
00:44:01
she had a guest bedroom and she decided
00:44:03
she was going to go and sleep in that
00:44:05
guest bedroom while she left her husband
00:44:08
in the master bedroom because she just
00:44:09
needed some time in autonomy and maybe
00:44:13
children who are sharing room need to
00:44:16
use the guest bedroom or find some ways
00:44:18
for for people to have time on their own
00:44:22
often when we're in difficult situations
00:44:25
and since we're all in this together it
00:44:27
can be hard to ask for help we don't
00:44:30
want to burden other people but the fact
00:44:34
is is that researchers have found there
00:44:36
to help us hi and so if we don't ask
00:44:39
people we're actually depriving them of
00:44:42
having an opportunity for that hi that
00:44:45
endorphin increase that happens when
00:44:48
they can help other people the other
00:44:51
thing is I know many of you as I saw you
00:44:53
introducing yourself our helpers to
00:44:56
other people and when we're in a helping
00:44:58
profession it can really be difficult to
00:45:01
accept help
00:45:02
I started thinking as I was talking to
00:45:05
somebody today that we're going to go
00:45:06
through these waves of emotion and what
00:45:09
I think we have to do to be ready for
00:45:11
this marathon is when we're at the top
00:45:14
of the wave and we're really riding it
00:45:16
that's our place to give and when we get
00:45:18
in our own trough that's our place to
00:45:20
ask to give and to ask and to give and
00:45:24
to ask because if we don't ask and we
00:45:27
don't replenish and refill ourselves and
00:45:30
we're not going to be able to continue
00:45:33
doing the caring that we need to do over
00:45:36
a longer period of time and we do we do
00:45:41
want to share our vulnerabilities that
00:45:43
feeling that we don't
00:45:44
want to admit to anybody else I think
00:45:47
I'm going crazy I feel like I'm going
00:45:49
crazy I don't have it all together and
00:45:51
supposed to help all these people and
00:45:53
how can I do that and keep it together I
00:45:56
know that many of you have read Brene
00:45:59
brown and Brene just to remind you says
00:46:02
that the antidotes of vulnerability at
00:46:06
the antidote to shame is vulnerability
00:46:10
and that in that vulnerability when we
00:46:13
feel we're going to be perceived as weak
00:46:15
that others are actually going to
00:46:17
perceive us as courageous and so we do
00:46:20
want to be vulnerable with people wisely
00:46:26
we don't want to be vulnerable with
00:46:27
everybody and we want to remember how to
00:46:34
support our own sense of value l 15 is
00:46:38
about valuing ourselves it's also about
00:46:41
putting ourselves in situations where we
00:46:44
have something of value to other people
00:46:47
find time to spend with people who
00:46:51
admire you those people when you leave
00:46:54
your time with them you feel stronger
00:46:56
you feel more capable more creative more
00:47:01
intelligent feel proud of your successes
00:47:05
and celebrate think about those things
00:47:08
that you said I never imagined I could
00:47:11
do link celebrate what you're doing
00:47:15
every day sometimes getting up and
00:47:18
living with that schedule and taking
00:47:20
care of our kids and if somebody said
00:47:23
changing from our day pajamas to our
00:47:26
night pajamas and then back to our day
00:47:28
pajamas sometimes all of those things
00:47:30
can be successes and we want to
00:47:32
celebrate those things I started to say
00:47:36
that we want to make time for magic and
00:47:39
make time for memories I think so often
00:47:41
we go out of our house we go to
00:47:44
restaurants we go to events we go
00:47:46
traveling to make memories we don't want
00:47:50
to lose this time to make memories so
00:47:53
how can we make memories in our house
00:47:56
can we cover the
00:47:58
dining room table with a sheep and sheep
00:48:00
and have a camping trip for a sleepover
00:48:03
underneath our dining room table can we
00:48:06
bring out the formal dishes and get
00:48:08
dressed up and have a formal dinner
00:48:13
together and if I think about
00:48:16
self-esteem I also think about those
00:48:19
Reader's Digest stories you know the
00:48:21
ones about the courage to prevail and
00:48:25
people tell stories of their parents and
00:48:28
older generations having gotten through
00:48:30
a difficult time and I keep thinking
00:48:34
about my children watching me and how I
00:48:37
want to show them and how we can survive
00:48:42
with resilience and getting through this
00:48:47
for many people spirituality that search
00:48:50
for an unquantifiable spirit that
00:48:53
nourishes and that brings us joy it's an
00:48:57
important part of resilience for some it
00:49:00
may be religious based or based in
00:49:03
religion and that can be very difficult
00:49:07
now because we can't be with our
00:49:09
communities we might watch it live
00:49:11
streaming but for others that
00:49:14
spirituality may be connected or that
00:49:17
finding of joy and meaning can be
00:49:19
connected to gratitude to reading
00:49:23
spiritual writings or inspirational
00:49:26
writings prepare prayer and meditation
00:49:29
and the double benefit of prayer and
00:49:33
meditation is that it's also a way of
00:49:35
reducing our stress what's most
00:49:38
important is that whatever we choose to
00:49:41
do it be about what nourishes our
00:49:44
spirituality not what other people are
00:49:47
telling us to do and that's something
00:49:49
that we've learned from survivors of
00:49:52
other crises I have hopefully offered
00:49:58
not an exhaustive list but maybe a
00:50:01
buffet of ideas that you can think about
00:50:05
but what's most important is to know
00:50:09
yourself what rejuvenates you
00:50:12
what reduces your stress what brings you
00:50:15
joy what helps you to be the best
00:50:18
version of yourself just a very silly
00:50:21
example you know I should go walking
00:50:24
every day half an hour but you know when
00:50:28
I'm not there for that half an hour if I
00:50:30
walk with my glasses on which I almost
00:50:32
always wear but not when I'm doing video
00:50:34
conferencing
00:50:35
I am commenting on everything in the
00:50:39
world around me and so I've learned that
00:50:41
if I take my glasses off and walk with
00:50:44
kind of that soft gaze and I can walk
00:50:46
without hurting myself and my glasses
00:50:48
off that that walk is more rejuvenating
00:50:53
for me than if I had done it with my
00:50:54
glasses on so experiment and help figure
00:51:00
out what works for you and not what
00:51:03
other people are telling you develop a
00:51:07
plan I suspect there are things on this
00:51:11
plan that you're already doing there are
00:51:14
things that you used to do that would be
00:51:16
easy and familiar to reinitiate and I'm
00:51:19
hoping that there's some new things on
00:51:22
there that you can try don't overdo it a
00:51:26
little bit by little bit the brain
00:51:28
doesn't like to change really fast
00:51:30
that's why we have shock denial and
00:51:32
disbelief the brain can't adjust fast
00:51:36
enough with a crisis and it also will
00:51:39
rebel on us if we try and change too
00:51:41
fast so don't overdo it what we want to
00:51:44
remember all the time is progress not
00:51:47
perfection want to offer some additional
00:51:50
resources here Nova has started a
00:51:53
comprehensive page of resources and is
00:51:57
committed to continuing to update that
00:52:00
you're going to see an evaluation at the
00:52:02
end of this and on that evaluation we're
00:52:05
going to ask you what are some of the
00:52:06
best things that you've seen that can be
00:52:09
helpful to other people one of my outlet
00:52:13
sense this is started is to write and to
00:52:16
write articles on our reactions and
00:52:20
resilience and who knows what next and I
00:52:23
put some of those up on my website
00:52:26
sort've community concepts website so I
00:52:28
invite you to come in to see those there
00:52:32
are a number of crisis lines throughout
00:52:35
some of the countries and so we've
00:52:37
listed them the United States I think
00:52:39
most of our listeners today are from
00:52:41
there but in case we have people from
00:52:43
other locations here are some of the
00:52:46
crisis text lines by country so s Claire
00:52:52
said and I'm sure it will reiterate
00:52:54
again we're here for the long haul we're
00:52:57
not here just for this conversation
00:52:59
today but we're here for the long haul
00:53:01
to support you and in closing I want to
00:53:07
take us back to Viktor Frankl a
00:53:11
psychiatrist and neurologist who
00:53:14
survived three concentration camps and
00:53:16
he said everything can be taken from a
00:53:20
person but one thing the last of the
00:53:24
human freedom to choose one's attitude
00:53:27
in any given set of circumstances to
00:53:30
choose one's own way we hope the ideas
00:53:35
that have been offered today can help
00:53:36
you find a resilient way through these
00:53:40
very challenging times and last I want
00:53:44
to ask you to consider how you can help
00:53:47
others in your community to find order
00:53:51
and the chaos of their emotion and to
00:53:55
find their own resilient way through
00:53:58
these times thank you for joining us and
00:54:01
I'll turn it over to Claire thank you so
00:54:06
much Suzanne I want to echo what so many
00:54:09
are sharing in the chat right now how
00:54:12
much this personally spoke to me some of
00:54:15
the things that you share it with us
00:54:16
today now if you talked about the
00:54:18
marathon that we truly are all and at
00:54:21
this point things like physical
00:54:24
distancing not social distancing
00:54:26
progress not perfection
00:54:28
all of these really resonated with me I
00:54:32
know personally as you know we all are
00:54:34
trying to really do our best to manage
00:54:36
the crisis well also
00:54:38
looking to manage personal crisises and
00:54:41
ways that this is impacting all of our
00:54:43
lives I know like many of you I'm
00:54:46
currently navigating homeschooling my
00:54:49
two children while also continuing to
00:54:52
try and do the work that we all care so
00:54:55
deeply about and I will say on that line
00:54:59
no matter what nova all of us on behalf
00:55:03
of the board of directors on behalf of
00:55:06
all of the staff are with us here today
00:55:08
i'm so proud to have on my team right
00:55:10
now we are so deeply committed and
00:55:14
passionate about being connected and
00:55:17
supporting each and every one of you we
00:55:20
recognize and appreciate how hard it is
00:55:22
to go to work and do the work that
00:55:25
you're doing in your communities as
00:55:26
caregivers crisis responders victim
00:55:30
advocates supporting victims of crime
00:55:34
and crisis and continuing to work within
00:55:36
your community while also trying to
00:55:38
manage your home life and and the
00:55:41
reality that we're all in so anything
00:55:45
that we can do to support you during
00:55:47
this time we are here for you I provided
00:55:51
my email earlier I love to hear from
00:55:55
members advocate crisis for quieter the
00:55:58
country you can email me at any time
00:56:00
give me a call you have an idea let me
00:56:03
know what we can do for you
