00:00:00
there's two ways to see the world some
00:00:02
people see the thing that they want and
00:00:05
some people see the thing that prevents
00:00:07
them from getting the thing that they
00:00:11
want there's there's a great story of
00:00:13
two two Lumberjacks where every morning
00:00:15
they start chopping wood at the same
00:00:17
time and every day they stop chopping
00:00:18
wood at the same time and every day one
00:00:20
of The Lumberjacks disappears for about
00:00:22
an hour in the middle of the day and
00:00:24
every day he chops more wood than the
00:00:25
other guy and this goes on for months
00:00:27
and eventually the one who works all day
00:00:29
he says I don't understand every day we
00:00:31
start at the same time every day we stop
00:00:33
at the same time every day you disappear
00:00:36
for about an hour in the middle of the
00:00:38
day and every day you chop more wood
00:00:40
than me where do you go for that hour
00:00:42
and the other Lumberjack looks up and
00:00:44
goes oh go home and sharpen my axe you
00:00:47
know that that if you if you if you take
00:00:49
an infinite mindset it's not about how
00:00:51
much you can get done each day it's how
00:00:53
much you can get done over the course of
00:00:54
a career over the course of a lifetime
00:00:56
and and you you got to take vacations
00:00:59
which means you turn off your email and
00:01:01
you turn off your phone and you do not
00:01:02
connect to the office you know go
00:01:04
sharpen your acts I have five little
00:01:06
rules that you can follow as you find
00:01:09
your spark and bring your spark to life
00:01:11
the first is to go after the things that
00:01:14
you want let me tell you a story so a
00:01:17
friend of mine and I we went for a run
00:01:20
in Central Park the road runners
00:01:22
organization uh on the weekends they
00:01:24
host races and it's very common at the
00:01:27
end of the race they'll have a sponsor
00:01:28
who will give away some something apples
00:01:31
or bagels or something and on this
00:01:33
particular day when we got to the end of
00:01:34
the run there were some free bagels and
00:01:38
they had picnic table set up and on one
00:01:41
side was a group of volunteers on the
00:01:43
table were boxes of bagels and on the
00:01:45
other side was a long line of Runners
00:01:48
waiting to get their free Bagel so I
00:01:50
said to my friend let's let's get a
00:01:52
bagel and he looked at me and
00:01:54
said ah the line's too long and I said
00:01:58
free bagel
00:02:00
and he said I don't want to wait in line
00:02:04
and I was like free
00:02:07
bagel and he says Nah let's it's too
00:02:10
long and that's when I realized that
00:02:12
there's two ways to see the world some
00:02:15
people see the thing that they want and
00:02:17
some people see the thing that prevents
00:02:20
them from getting the thing that they
00:02:21
want I could only see the bagels he
00:02:24
could only see the line and so I walked
00:02:28
up to the line
00:02:30
I leaned in between two people put my
00:02:34
hand in the box and pulled out two
00:02:36
bagels and no one got mad at me because
00:02:39
the rule is you can go after whatever
00:02:42
you want you just cannot deny anyone
00:02:44
else to go after whatever they want so
00:02:47
the point is is you don't have to wait
00:02:49
in line you don't have to do it the way
00:02:51
everybody else has done it you can do it
00:02:53
your way you can break the rules you
00:02:55
just can't get in the way of somebody
00:02:57
else getting what they want rule number
00:02:59
number two take care of each other the
00:03:03
United States Navy Seals are perhaps the
00:03:06
most elite Warriors in the world and one
00:03:11
of the seals was asked who makes it
00:03:14
through the selection process who is
00:03:17
able to become a seal and his answer was
00:03:22
I can't tell you the kind of person that
00:03:25
becomes a seal I can't tell you the kind
00:03:27
of person that makes it through buds but
00:03:30
I can tell you the kind of people who
00:03:32
don't become seals he says the guys that
00:03:35
show up with huge bulging muscles
00:03:37
covered in tattoos who want to prove to
00:03:39
the world how tough they are none of
00:03:42
them make it through he said the preing
00:03:45
leaders who like to delegate all their
00:03:47
responsibility and never do anything
00:03:50
themselves none of them make it through
00:03:53
he said the Star College athletes who've
00:03:55
never really been tested to the core of
00:03:57
their being none of of them make it
00:04:01
through he says some of the guys that
00:04:03
make it through are skinny and scrawny
00:04:06
he said some of the guys that make it
00:04:08
through you will see them shivering out
00:04:10
of
00:04:12
fear he says however all the guys that
00:04:16
make it through when they find
00:04:19
themselves physically spent emotionally
00:04:22
spent when they have nothing left to
00:04:25
give physically or emotionally somehow
00:04:27
some way they are able to find the
00:04:30
energy to dig down deep inside
00:04:34
themselves to find the energy to help
00:04:37
the guy next to them they become seals
00:04:41
he said you want to be an elite Warrior
00:04:43
it's not about how tough you are it's
00:04:46
not about how smart you are it's not
00:04:48
about how fast you are if you want to be
00:04:50
an elite Warrior you better get really
00:04:52
really good at helping the person to the
00:04:55
left of you and helping the person to
00:04:56
the right of you cuz that's how people
00:04:59
advance in the world the world is too
00:05:02
dangerous and the world is too difficult
00:05:03
for you to think that you can do these
00:05:05
things alone if you find your spark I
00:05:07
commend you now who you going to ask for
00:05:09
help and when are you going to accept
00:05:11
help when it's offered learn that skill
00:05:15
learn by practicing helping each other
00:05:18
it'll be the single most valuable thing
00:05:20
you ever learn in your entire life to
00:05:23
accept help when it's offered and to ask
00:05:25
for it when you know that you can't do
00:05:26
it the amazing thing is when you learn
00:05:29
to ask for help you'll discover that
00:05:31
there are people all around you who've
00:05:33
always wanted to help you they just
00:05:34
didn't think you needed it because you
00:05:36
kept pretending that you had everything
00:05:37
under control and the minute you say I
00:05:40
don't know what I'm doing I'm stuck I'm
00:05:43
scared I don't think I can do this you
00:05:46
will find that lots of people who love
00:05:48
you will rush in and take care of you
00:05:51
but that'll only happen if you learn to
00:05:53
take care of them first lesson three
00:05:56
Nelson bandela is a particularly special
00:06:00
case study in the leadership world
00:06:02
because he is universally regarded as a
00:06:05
great leader you can take other
00:06:07
personalities and depending on the
00:06:09
nation you go to we have different
00:06:10
opinions about other personalities but
00:06:12
Nelson Mandela across the world is
00:06:14
universally regarded as a great leader
00:06:17
he was actually the son of a tribal
00:06:20
Chief and he was asked one
00:06:23
day how did you learn to be a great
00:06:26
leader and he responded that he would go
00:06:29
with his father father to tribal
00:06:31
meetings and he remembers two things
00:06:34
when his father would meet with other
00:06:35
Elders one they would always sit in a
00:06:40
circle and two his father was always the
00:06:45
last to speak you will be told your
00:06:48
whole life that you need to learn to
00:06:49
listen I would say that you need to
00:06:52
learn to be the last to speak I see it
00:06:55
in boardrooms every day of the week even
00:06:57
people who consider themselves good
00:06:58
leaders who may actually be decent
00:07:00
leaders will walk into a room and say
00:07:02
here's the problem here's what I think
00:07:03
but I'm interested in your opinion let's
00:07:05
go around the room it's too late the
00:07:08
skill to hold your opinions to yourself
00:07:10
until everyone has spoken does two
00:07:12
things one it gives everybody else the
00:07:15
feeling that they have been heard it
00:07:18
give gives everyone else the ability to
00:07:20
feel that they have contributed and two
00:07:24
you get the benefit of hearing what
00:07:25
everybody else has to think before you
00:07:27
render your opinion the skill is really
00:07:30
to keep your opinions to yourself if you
00:07:32
agree with somebody don't nod yes if you
00:07:35
disagree with somebody don't nod know
00:07:39
simply sit there take it all in and the
00:07:41
only thing you're allowed to do is ask
00:07:43
questions so that you can understand
00:07:45
what they mean and why they have the
00:07:47
opinion that they have you must
00:07:49
understand from where they are speaking
00:07:52
why they have the opinion they have not
00:07:55
just what they are saying and at the end
00:07:59
you will get your
00:08:00
turn it sounds easy it's not practice
00:08:05
being the last to speak that's what
00:08:07
Nelson Mandela did Lesson Four in the
00:08:12
18th
00:08:13
century there was something that spread
00:08:17
across Europe and eventually made its
00:08:18
way to America called Perle
00:08:20
fever also known as the Black Death of
00:08:24
childbed basically what was happening is
00:08:27
women were giving birth
00:08:30
and they would die within 48 hours after
00:08:33
giving birth this black death of
00:08:36
childbirth was the ravage of Europe and
00:08:38
it got worse and worse and worse over
00:08:41
the course of over a century in some
00:08:45
hospitals it was as high as 70% of women
00:08:49
who gave birth who would die as a result
00:08:52
of giving birth but this was the
00:08:54
Renaissance this was the time of
00:08:57
empirical data and science and we had
00:08:59
thrown away things like tradition and
00:09:02
mysticism these were men of science
00:09:04
these were doctors and these doctors and
00:09:06
Men of science wanted to study and try
00:09:09
and find the reason for this black death
00:09:11
of childbed and so they got to work
00:09:13
studying and they would study the
00:09:16
corpses uh of the of the women who had
00:09:19
died and in the morning they would
00:09:21
conduct autopsies and then in the
00:09:23
afternoon they would go and deliver
00:09:24
babies and finish their rounds and it
00:09:27
wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s
00:09:30
that Dr Oliver Wendell Holmes realized
00:09:34
that all of these doctors who are
00:09:35
conducting autopsies in the morning
00:09:37
weren't washing their hands before they
00:09:40
delivered babies in the
00:09:42
afternoon and he pointed it out and said
00:09:45
guys you're the
00:09:48
problem and they ignored him and called
00:09:51
him crazy for 30
00:09:54
years until finally somebody realized
00:09:57
that if they simply washed their
00:09:59
hands it would go away and that's
00:10:02
exactly what happened when they started
00:10:05
sterilizing their instruments and
00:10:06
washing their hands the black death of
00:10:08
child bed
00:10:10
disappeared the lesson here is sometimes
00:10:14
you're the problem and my point is is
00:10:17
take accountability for your actions you
00:10:20
can take all the credit in the world for
00:10:22
the things that you do right as long as
00:10:25
you also take responsibility for the
00:10:27
things you do wrong it must be a
00:10:29
balanced equation you don't get it one
00:10:31
way and not the other you get to take
00:10:33
credit when you also take accountability
00:10:37
I'll tell you a true story a few months
00:10:39
ago I stayed at the Four Seasons in Las
00:10:43
Vegas it is a wonderful hotel and the
00:10:47
reason it's a wonderful hotel is not
00:10:49
because of the fancy beds any hotel can
00:10:51
go and buy a fancy bed the reason it's a
00:10:54
wonderful hotel is because of the people
00:10:56
who work there if you walk past somebody
00:10:58
at the 4C and and they say hello to you
00:11:01
you get the feeling that they actually
00:11:02
wanted to say hello to you it's not that
00:11:04
somebody told them that you have to say
00:11:05
hello to all the customers say hello to
00:11:07
all the guests right you actually feel
00:11:09
that they care now in their Lobby they
00:11:12
have a coffee stand and I one afternoon
00:11:16
I went to buy a cup of coffee and there
00:11:18
was a barista by the name of Noah who
00:11:19
was serving me Noah was fantastic he was
00:11:23
friendly and fun and he was engaging
00:11:26
with me and I had so much fun buying a
00:11:28
cup of coffee I actually think I get
00:11:29
gave a 100% tip right he was wonderful
00:11:32
so as is my nature I asked Noah do you
00:11:35
like your job and without skipping a
00:11:37
beat Noah says I love my job and so I
00:11:41
followed up I said what is it that the
00:11:42
Four Seasons is doing that would make
00:11:45
you say to me I love my job and without
00:11:48
skipping a beat Noah said throughout the
00:11:51
day managers will walk past me and ask
00:11:53
me how I'm doing if there's anything
00:11:55
that I need to do my job better he said
00:11:58
not just my manager
00:11:59
any manager and then he said something
00:12:02
magical he says I also work at Caesar's
00:12:06
Palace and Caesar at Caesar's Palace the
00:12:09
managers are trying to make sure we're
00:12:10
doing everything right they catch us
00:12:11
when we do things wrong he says when I
00:12:14
go to work there I like to keep my head
00:12:16
under the radar and just get through the
00:12:18
day so I can get my
00:12:20
paycheck he says here at the Four
00:12:22
Seasons I feel I can be myself so we in
00:12:27
leadership are always criticizing the
00:12:28
people we're always saying we got to get
00:12:30
the right people on the bus I've got to
00:12:31
fill my wrong my team I got to get the
00:12:33
right people but the reality is it's not
00:12:35
the people it's the
00:12:37
leadership if we create the right
00:12:39
environment we will get people like Noah
00:12:42
at the Four Seasons if we create the
00:12:44
wrong environment we will get people
00:12:46
like Noah at Caesar's Palace number five
00:12:50
my favorite one of all true story there
00:12:54
was a former under Secretary of Defense
00:12:58
who invited to give us speech at a large
00:13:00
conference about a thousand people and
00:13:02
he was standing on the stage with his
00:13:04
cup of coffee and a styrofoam cup and he
00:13:08
took a sip of his coffee and he smiled
00:13:10
and he looked down at the coffee and
00:13:12
then he went off script and he said you
00:13:14
know last year I spoke at this exact
00:13:17
same conference last year I was still
00:13:20
the under secretary and when I spoke
00:13:23
here last year they flew me here
00:13:25
business class and when I arrived at the
00:13:27
airport there was somebody somebody
00:13:29
waiting for me to take me to my hotel
00:13:31
and they took me to my hotel and they
00:13:33
had already checked me in and they just
00:13:34
took me up to my room and the next
00:13:36
morning I came downstairs and there was
00:13:38
someone waiting in the lobby to greet me
00:13:40
and they drove me to this here same
00:13:42
venue and handed me a copy cup of coffee
00:13:46
in a beautiful ceramic cup he says I'm
00:13:49
no longer the under secretary I flew
00:13:52
here coach I took a taxi to my hotel and
00:13:55
I checked myself in when I came down the
00:13:57
lobby this morning I took another taxi
00:14:00
to this venue I came in the front door
00:14:03
and found my way backstage and when I
00:14:05
asked someone do you have any coffee he
00:14:08
pointed to the coffee machine in the
00:14:09
corner and I poured myself a cup of
00:14:12
coffee into this here Styrofoam cup he
00:14:16
says the lesson is the ceramic cup was
00:14:19
never meant for me it was meant for the
00:14:22
position I held I deserve a styrofoam
00:14:26
cup remember this as you gain Fame as
00:14:31
you gain Fortune as you gain position
00:14:34
and seniority people will treat you
00:14:36
better they will hold doors open for you
00:14:39
they will get you a cup of tea and
00:14:41
coffee without you even asking they will
00:14:43
call you sir and ma'am and they will
00:14:45
give you stuff none of that stuff is
00:14:47
meant for you that stuff is meant for
00:14:50
the position you hold it is meant for
00:14:52
the level that you have achieved of
00:14:54
leader or success or whatever you want
00:14:57
to call it but you will will always
00:15:00
deserve a styrofoam
00:15:03
cup remember that remember that lesson
00:15:06
of humility and gratitude you can accept
00:15:09
all the free stuff you can accept all
00:15:11
the perks absolutely you can enjoy them
00:15:14
but just be grateful for them and know
00:15:16
that they're not for you we're asking
00:15:18
our youngest generation to work and
00:15:21
succeed and find themselves and build
00:15:23
their confidence and overcome their
00:15:26
addiction to technology and build strong
00:15:28
relationships at work we're asking to do
00:15:30
this and these are the environments
00:15:31
we've created we keep saying to them
00:15:34
you're the Future Leaders we're the
00:15:36
leaders now we're in
00:15:39
control what are we
00:15:41
doing this is what empathy means it
00:15:45
means if there's an entire generation
00:15:47
struggling maybe it's not them it's like
00:15:50
you know the only thing that I uh that
00:15:52
um the common factor in all my failed
00:15:54
relationships me same thing oh we just
00:15:58
can't get the right you know the right
00:16:00
performance out of our people maybe it's
00:16:02
you right it's not a generation it's not
00:16:06
them they're not difficult or hard to
00:16:09
understand they're human beings like the
00:16:10
rest of us trying to find their way
00:16:13
trying to work in a place where they
00:16:15
feel that someone cares about them as a
00:16:18
human being by the way that's what we
00:16:20
all want in other words it's not even
00:16:24
generational it's all of us this is the
00:16:27
practice of empathy that if we're
00:16:29
struggling to communicate to someone if
00:16:31
it's struggling to help someone be at
00:16:33
their natural best I'm tired of people
00:16:35
saying to me how do I get the best out
00:16:37
of my people really that's what you want
00:16:38
they're like a towel you just ring them
00:16:40
how can I get the most out of
00:16:42
them no how do I help my people be at
00:16:45
their natural
00:16:46
best right we're not asking these
00:16:48
questions we are not practicing empathy
00:16:50
we have to start by practicing empathy
00:16:52
and relate to what they may be going
00:16:54
through and it will profoundly change
00:16:55
the decisions we make it will profoundly
00:16:57
change the way we see the world we're
00:17:00
growing up in a Facebook Instagram World
00:17:03
in other words we're good at putting
00:17:04
filters on things we're good at showing
00:17:06
people that life is amazing even though
00:17:08
I'm depressed right and so everybody
00:17:11
sounds tough and everybody sounds like
00:17:13
they got it all figured out and the
00:17:14
reality is there's very little toughness
00:17:16
and most people don't have it figured
00:17:17
out and so when the more senior people
00:17:19
say well what should we do they sound
00:17:21
like this is what you got to do and they
00:17:23
have no clue so you have an entire
00:17:25
generation growing up with lower
00:17:26
self-esteem than previous generations
00:17:28
right we know that engagement with
00:17:31
social media and our cell phones
00:17:34
releases a chemical called dopamine
00:17:36
that's why when you get a text feels
00:17:38
good right it's why we count the likes
00:17:40
it's why we go back 10 times to see if
00:17:43
and if it's going if our my Instagram is
00:17:45
growing slower I did I do something
00:17:47
wrong do they not like me anymore right
00:17:49
the the trauma for young kids to be
00:17:51
unfriended right dopamine is the exact
00:17:54
same chemical that makes us feel good
00:17:56
when we smoke when we drink and when we
00:17:58
we gamble in other words it's highly
00:18:01
highly addictive that's basically what
00:18:04
happened you have an entire generation
00:18:05
that has access to an addictive
00:18:07
numbing chemical Cod dopamine through
00:18:10
social media and cell phones as they're
00:18:11
going through the high stress of
00:18:13
adolescence why is this important what's
00:18:15
happening is because we're allowing
00:18:16
unfettered access to these dopamine
00:18:18
producing devices and media basically
00:18:21
it's becoming hardwired and what we're
00:18:22
seeing is as they grow older they too
00:18:25
many kids don't know how to form deep
00:18:27
meaningful relationships
00:18:29
their words not mine they will admit
00:18:31
that many of their friendships are
00:18:32
superficial they will admit that their
00:18:35
friends that they don't count on their
00:18:36
friends they don't rely on their friends
00:18:38
they have fun with their friends but
00:18:40
they also know that their friends will
00:18:41
cancel on them as something better comes
00:18:42
along deep meaning for relationships is
00:18:44
not there because they never practice
00:18:46
the skill set and worse they don't have
00:18:48
the coping mechanisms to deal with
00:18:49
stress so when significant stress starts
00:18:51
to show up in their lives they're not
00:18:53
turning to a person they're turning to a
00:18:55
device they're turning to social media
00:18:58
they're turning to these things which
00:18:59
offer temporary relief I believe loving
00:19:01
your work is a right and not a privilege
00:19:03
I despise the fact I Lament The fact I
00:19:06
curse the fact that so few people get to
00:19:09
say I love my job as if they've won some
00:19:11
Lottery you know you go out with your
00:19:12
friends and somebody says I love my job
00:19:13
and everybody goes oh my God you're so
00:19:14
lucky right that to me is madness
00:19:17
everybody the vast majority should get
00:19:20
to wake up and say I love my job it is a
00:19:22
right it is a god-given right that we
00:19:25
should love where we work and we should
00:19:27
demand it we should demand that our
00:19:29
leaders provide an environment in which
00:19:30
we want to come where we want to care
00:19:32
about about each other where we feel
00:19:34
safe to express our vulnerabilities and
00:19:36
our fears and our concerns that we're
00:19:37
open to correction and discipline and
00:19:40
feedback that we're not defensive
00:19:42
because we know that it's being given to
00:19:43
help us improve and grow and we want to
00:19:45
improve and grow um and in turn we will
00:19:48
help others improve and grow because
00:19:50
when we feel safe when we
00:19:53
feel that our leaders care more about us
00:19:57
than a number they care more about our
00:20:01
lives and our confidence and our joy and
00:20:05
our skill set more than some short-term
00:20:08
gain that they care more about our
00:20:10
priorities than the priorities of some
00:20:12
disinterested external
00:20:14
constituency then we will respond in
00:20:16
kind and we will offer our blood and our
00:20:17
sweat and our tears and we will make
00:20:19
sacrifices of all kinds to see that our
00:20:22
leaders vision is Advanced and that this
00:20:24
company continues to thrive not for them
00:20:26
for ourselves it becomes deeply personal
00:20:29
and becomes something we love
00:20:30
contributing to I talk about it all the
00:20:32
time working hard for something we don't
00:20:35
care about is called stress working hard
00:20:38
for something we love is called passion