00:00:00
so obviously most of you have heard by
00:00:01
now competitive gooning is here and it
00:00:04
sucks but don't get me wrong I know this
00:00:06
isn't real competitive gooning it's been
00:00:08
around competitive gooning ranked
00:00:10
gooning has been around for a while and
00:00:12
that's what I'm going to be teaching you
00:00:13
about today in this video so if you
00:00:15
haven't heard over the past few weeks or
00:00:17
so a certain adult website decided to
00:00:19
completely bech the name of competitive
00:00:21
gooning by releasing one of the worst
00:00:23
Cookie Clicker games of all time and
00:00:25
they called it
00:00:27
rank some say it's just a r
00:00:31
while they doubt others
00:00:34
Ascend Champions emerge and legends will
00:00:38
fall Millions have
00:00:42
competed but only one will claim the
00:00:48
[Applause]
00:00:49
throne the grand finale of jerkmate
00:00:52
ranked is
00:00:54
[Music]
00:00:56
coming will you contend or Fade Into the
00:01:02
Shadows don't get me wrong it's
00:01:05
brilliant marketing you know competitive
00:01:07
gooning as a meme has sort of exploded
00:01:09
over the past couple months and they
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capitalized on it perfectly a fantastic
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idea they could have pushed the idea a
00:01:16
little bit further like you literally
00:01:17
just sit here and wait for your splooges
00:01:20
to go up and then buy some stuff and
00:01:23
then make your splooges go faster kind
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of it now obviously I have the rank of
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grandmas Bader you know someone as my s
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so prevalent in the community it'd be
00:01:31
kind of embarrassing if I didn't have
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the grand masterb rank I'm sorry it took
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me so long to really talk about this you
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know cuz this is my domain I'll hit you
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with the domain expansion goon cave but
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this this here is not what I want to
00:01:46
talk about today this is merely a weak
00:01:49
imitation not even an imitation a
00:01:52
bastardization of what true competitive
00:01:54
gooning is now if you didn't watch my
00:01:56
first ever gooning video the
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infiltrating the gooning Community for
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the first time that that is pretty much
00:02:02
when I learned most of what I know about
00:02:05
what gooning is I always thought it was
00:02:07
a joke and then lo and behold now I have
00:02:09
more subscribers because of that and now
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I'm the gooning guy you might remember
00:02:13
that I touched on something called
00:02:15
8910 battling wa I think I just
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uncovered some like crazy gooning lore
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okay so this guy said Can someone
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explain 8910 battling I don't know what
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that is and that's something that I want
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to re-explore with you guys in this
00:02:29
video here this is what real competitive
00:02:32
gooning is so let's get into it but
00:02:34
before I do that I just want to say hey
00:02:36
guys how's it going I am so happy to see
00:02:39
you again and if you're new here stop it
00:02:41
just subscribe all that stuff whatever
00:02:44
also join my Discord server the link is
00:02:46
down below it is not a gooning
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server okay lot of you come here
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thinking that it's not just fun place to
00:02:55
hang out and chat stop it but anyways
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let's get back to the video so I've just
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popped into one of the old trusty
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gooning servers that I'm still I don't
00:03:03
hang out there I'm just I'm still in
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most of them the ones that I haven't
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been kicked out of yet but if you look
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on the left hand side here you'll see
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two channels battle requests and
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humiliation posts this is where the 8910
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battling occurs and a lot of gooning
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servers have some sort of organization
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to be doing this in there is some
00:03:24
vigilante [ __ ] that goes on people kind
00:03:26
of go off on their own and do the little
00:03:28
battles and they just you know you got
00:03:30
you got some some freelance some
00:03:33
freelance gooning going on but a lot of
00:03:35
it happens in these channels in these
00:03:37
servers here so before I explain to you
00:03:39
what 8910 battling is we're going to pop
00:03:42
into the battle requests and let me just
00:03:44
read you off a battle request to let
00:03:46
your mind play with that for a little
00:03:48
bit anyone want to battle Only Rule you
00:03:50
use the demilios against me bring your
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worst punishment so right
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there we can see a a little Peak into
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what a go battle is you have to have a
00:04:01
punishment for whoever the loser is and
00:04:03
sometimes you set up a rule set of what
00:04:05
you guys have to goon to or what you
00:04:07
make the other person goon to clearly
00:04:10
this guy really wants to goon to the
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demilios sometimes I don't want to be
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happy so an 891 battle two people hop
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into either a voice chat or a text chat
00:04:24
on Discord I mean could be anywhere but
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it's usually Discord and they each start
00:04:27
off with a certain amount of Health
00:04:29
let's just say start off with 100 you
00:04:31
are going to send each other content
00:04:34
back and forth that falls within your
00:04:36
rule set if you have a rule set and you
00:04:39
then have to rate what the other person
00:04:41
sends you on a scale of 1 to 10 now if
00:04:43
you rate something an eight a nine or a
00:04:45
10 there is some sort of punishment
00:04:48
involved with it now the punishment is
00:04:50
whatever these two people decide the
00:04:52
punishment's going to be now whatever
00:04:54
score that you rate the content that
00:04:56
that person sent you is also how much
00:04:59
help you lose in the Goon battle
00:05:01
competitive gooning requires a lot of
00:05:03
honesty right cuz technically you could
00:05:05
just sit there stroking and just say
00:05:07
everything's a one and win every battle
00:05:10
right but gooners they're honest folk
00:05:12
you're only cheating yourself at that
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point and typically when someone gets to
00:05:16
zero Health points they then have to do
00:05:19
some sort of like public humiliation
00:05:21
which brings us to this channel here
00:05:24
humiliation post I'm not going to show
00:05:26
you that just yet though we'll go
00:05:27
through some of those later now there is
00:05:29
a bunch of other rules that can apply
00:05:32
people kind of play with their own house
00:05:33
rules sometimes sometimes instead of
00:05:35
losing Health you know you just tally up
00:05:37
points that you give to each other right
00:05:40
but generally that's the spirit of what
00:05:42
competitive gooning is they don't do
00:05:44
this [ __ ] for ranks or for Honor They Do
00:05:47
It For the Love of the Game they do this
00:05:48
[ __ ] cuz they love it these people stay
00:05:50
10 toes down with their piece in their
00:05:52
hand and they put on for their city now
00:05:54
that you kind of understand the spirit
00:05:56
of what a goon battle entails let's go
00:06:00
through some more of these battle
00:06:01
requests okay so I found a bit of a
00:06:03
veteran here okay this is this is more
00:06:05
of a veteran gooner anyone down for an
00:06:07
insta visco battle or a size matters so
00:06:11
this guy is looking specifically to be
00:06:14
sent pictures of people from visco or
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Instagram okay fully clothed people
00:06:20
ideally what he's looking for is like
00:06:22
people that the person he's battling
00:06:24
like knows IRL pictures of like real
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life regular [ __ ] people people
00:06:30
19-year-old male drunk again and looking
00:06:32
to do an 8910 battle maybe with HP bring
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a harsh punishment this was sent on a
00:06:38
Thursday afternoon this dude just got
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drunk and was like all right time for
00:06:43
some ranked DM to battle Ambush if you
00:06:47
think you have a chance at winning so
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this dude is saying look DMS are open
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I'm just here to get down man I I'll
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goon to whatever I'll battle you on site
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he says Ambush if you think you have a
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chance winning he says don't even greet
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me in the DM DM cold open send me some
00:07:03
[ __ ] and I'm down for it that's a
00:07:05
[ __ ] you don't want to play with
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sometimes this chat reminds me of like
00:07:09
just pulling up to like the outdoor
00:07:11
court and getting your shoes on seeing
00:07:13
what kind of people are out there
00:07:14
putting shots up this guy comes in like
00:07:16
yo I'm about to get my Fleshlight out
00:07:18
and Lube up DM if you want to battle
00:07:20
he's just like he's just strolling onto
00:07:21
the black top right now just seeing what
00:07:24
things are like this is like hit in the
00:07:26
park in
00:07:28
2K [ __ ] Rover after I stole
00:07:32
it DM me to battle normal using only
00:07:36
videos loser all over underwear and has
00:07:39
to show multiple picks then we battle
00:07:41
again and go for hours that's a
00:07:43
dangerous man right there just yeah once
00:07:45
one of us loses we can just go for a
00:07:47
couple more hours after that the same
00:07:49
guy again literally the day before
00:07:53
19-year-old male drunken High who wants
00:07:56
to do an eirl 8910 battle this guy lives
00:07:59
here oh my God literally an hour earlier
00:08:02
the same guy DMS are open to any and all
00:08:05
porn for 8910 and or HP battle bring
00:08:07
harsh punishments hi there little toys
00:08:11
back again for a few battles currently
00:08:13
101 to
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15 bro we found the Kobe of gooning no
00:08:21
he's got to be paay to win or something
00:08:22
like that he's got to be like hacking or
00:08:24
some [ __ ] 101 to 15 win loss ratio is
00:08:28
insane look I've floated around these
00:08:29
spaces for a while making these videos
00:08:31
and [ __ ] 101 to 15 that's pretty
00:08:34
impressive that's Hall of Fame level
00:08:36
let's get your little mind broken with
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pleasure Ambush me with HP or ratings or
00:08:42
eye contact you're going to lose so bad
00:08:44
you never want anything else is way too
00:08:47
confident this one here introduces us to
00:08:49
another aspect of competitive gooning
00:08:52
that I forgot to mention earlier
00:08:53
sometimes battles are like actually
00:08:55
overseen by a judge looking to be a
00:08:57
judge in battle 10 turns I make up a
00:09:00
category and both Battlers send
00:09:01
something according to the category I
00:09:03
rate it and the winner gets a point
00:09:06
Whoever has more points wins punishments
00:09:08
Etc are all up to the Battlers I'll just
00:09:11
judge your performance we're looking for
00:09:13
just one more like these these people
00:09:15
like game Masters you know they set it
00:09:17
all up but they let you pick your poison
00:09:19
they let you punish however you like hey
00:09:21
let's do comparison battle smaller dick
00:09:24
gets punishment I have a feeling this
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dude's got a really small dick and he
00:09:27
just likes losing battles he just likes
00:09:29
getting punishment he like sends this
00:09:31
message every 15 minutes and loses a
00:09:33
battle the wildest punishment by like
00:09:35
the 50th battle he's got like nipple
00:09:37
clamps on mustard all over his face one
00:09:40
leg behind his head wearing a Minecraft
00:09:43
creeper hat so now that we familiarized
00:09:46
ourselves with battling and we're seeing
00:09:48
the kind of different characters that
00:09:50
pop into these battles and how they
00:09:52
carry themselves in a competitive
00:09:54
setting I think it's time that we take a
00:09:56
look together at what the punishments
00:09:58
are the humiliation rituals that come
00:10:01
after these battles you know like I said
00:10:03
before people don't do this for ranks
00:10:06
for Glory for MMR for anything like that
00:10:09
this is all about the Love of the Game
00:10:10
so people put their heart and soul into
00:10:12
these humiliation posts gooners love to
00:10:15
goon I mean look at this we even got a
00:10:18
change.org
00:10:20
petition to recognize gooning as an
00:10:23
Olympic sport I've got no idea why
00:10:25
that's the cover photo I really don't I
00:10:28
it's funny
00:10:30
I think that's funny 48 out of oh God I
00:10:33
got to support this chip in $3 to help
00:10:36
reach the yeah of course why not if any
00:10:38
of you even give two shits about
00:10:40
competitive gooning go sign this
00:10:42
petition oh my God is this a video of
00:10:45
one of the top supporters hello fellow
00:10:47
gooners I am here to urge you to sign
00:10:49
this petition personally it would really
00:10:52
impact my life I goon all the time and I
00:10:55
would really like I would really love to
00:10:57
have a worldwide stage so I could show
00:10:59
off my skill and dedication to gooning
00:11:03
uh maybe if this you know is successful
00:11:06
we could add other things like munting
00:11:08
or felching and that makes me excited so
00:11:12
I would really love to see your support
00:11:13
thank you hell yeah brother and isn't
00:11:15
that just the spirit of gooning right
00:11:16
there you know just happy to show off in
00:11:19
front of a bunch of people to the
00:11:21
international Olympic Committee we the
00:11:24
undersigned passionate enthusiasts and
00:11:26
advocates for the sport of goon
00:11:28
sessioning respectfully submit this
00:11:30
petition to request its consideration as
00:11:32
an official Olympic sport we believe
00:11:34
that goon sessioning embodies the values
00:11:37
and spirit of the Olympic Games and
00:11:39
fulfills the necessary criteria for
00:11:41
inclusion goon sessioning is a
00:11:43
competitive activity that involves
00:11:44
cranking your hog for at least 4 hours
00:11:47
straight hell yeah brother oh God he
00:11:49
list reasons for inclusion youth
00:11:53
engagement no I'm out sorry I'm out
00:11:58
youth engagement I'm done how do I
00:12:00
unsign a
00:12:02
petition and we can't forget classic
00:12:05
pieces of literature like the Goon City
00:12:08
Showdown by obviously Joe Biden the
00:12:11
Baltimore chugal lugans a team known for
00:12:14
their grit and determination were
00:12:16
preparing for the biggest turbo gooning
00:12:18
competition of their lives they were to
00:12:21
face the Ohio ridlers a team Infamous
00:12:23
for their ruthless strategies and
00:12:25
Relentless athleticism I'm not reading
00:12:27
all this let's just see who wins at the
00:12:29
end the crowd erupted in cheers as the
00:12:31
chugal lugans celebrated their
00:12:32
hard-fought Victory yep I mean a moment
00:12:35
in history we all remember anyways I got
00:12:37
Sidetrack there for a while okay
00:12:39
humiliation posts The Spoils of War
00:12:42
really when it comes to goon battling
00:12:44
I'm a pathetic little beta boy I had no
00:12:47
chance against Robert he absolutely
00:12:51
owned me send me humiliating tasks to
00:12:54
show me how pathetic I am and I'll do
00:12:55
the best three so this person here as a
00:12:59
punishment had to post uh a picture of
00:13:02
themselves like a doing like a pig face
00:13:05
you know Robert once again just
00:13:07
destroyed me in a wank battle I'm a
00:13:09
pathetic piggy I am Robert's [ __ ] and
00:13:12
I'm a pathetic little for him he melted
00:13:14
my mind for girls sucking and made me
00:13:17
his
00:13:18
[ __ ] once again Robert made me into his
00:13:22
personal [ __ ] who loves girl and now
00:13:24
I'm his permanent [ __ ] boy oh no oh the
00:13:28
horror oh and Robert replies that's it
00:13:31
little pathetic [ __ ] such a great
00:13:33
[ __ ] Jesus not very sportsmanlike this
00:13:37
person had to send a a
00:13:41
video this person also lost to
00:13:45
Robert dud turn into oh my God he's
00:13:48
jerking
00:13:49
it it was even close he humiliated me so
00:13:55
well
00:14:01
okay okay okay we're done with that
00:14:03
That's a classic humiliation ritual you
00:14:05
see that was a really good one um oh and
00:14:07
he replied again yeah that's what
00:14:09
happens when you battle me you get
00:14:10
yourself brain dead
00:14:12
from I don't know what kind of magic
00:14:15
Robert's working with he must be he must
00:14:17
be Grandmaster by now uh Samuel [ __ ]
00:14:20
my brains up and made me pound my balls
00:14:23
okay to be clear you guys are doing this
00:14:24
over the Internet nobody made you pound
00:14:26
your balls I think he may be suggested
00:14:29
that you pound your balls and you were
00:14:30
just like
00:14:31
okay oh oh oh Samuel replied Samuel
00:14:35
replied I didn't even ask her she did it
00:14:38
because of the Love of the
00:14:40
Game see nobody asked you to [ __ ]
00:14:42
pound your balls you actually have a a
00:14:45
section where they discuss the meta um
00:14:47
and techniques and and advice on how to
00:14:50
get better at gooning this is the a
00:14:52
jerking advice Channel where people just
00:14:55
casually talk about like how to do
00:14:58
specific things better when you're
00:15:00
beaten can anyone help me with training
00:15:03
myself to self facials and eating I
00:15:06
tried self facial once but never ate my
00:15:09
only had a little taste and it was sweet
00:15:11
but my post-nut clarity
00:15:14
hit postn Clarity hits in the middle of
00:15:17
doing
00:15:24
that okay I'm not reading all of that
00:15:28
conversation right there but this guy is
00:15:30
teaching this person how to um get
00:15:34
better at eating their
00:15:38
own I'm shooting greens right now green
00:15:42
FN is a meme now hey guys I want to
00:15:45
build the biggest most explosive shot
00:15:49
sounds sounds like the start of a Mr
00:15:51
Beast video today we're going to build
00:15:53
the biggest and most explosive shot and
00:15:56
one lucky contestant will get to drink
00:15:58
all of it I think this is a great one to
00:16:01
end it off at just to give you a little
00:16:03
bit more insight into the mind of these
00:16:04
people does anyone have advice on
00:16:07
feeling the need more often I like
00:16:11
gooning but I want to feel the desire
00:16:13
more often if you don't feel the desire
00:16:16
you probably shouldn't force yourself to
00:16:17
do it so this person is looking for
00:16:19
advice to be able to goon more when
00:16:21
their body clearly does not want to goon
00:16:24
more but he just wants to keep gooning
00:16:26
cuz this person has nothing else to do
00:16:28
so that was just a quick little
00:16:30
education on the competitive gooning
00:16:32
scene you know since so many people are
00:16:34
kind of up in arms about how jerk M sort
00:16:37
of ruined the whole play there but it
00:16:39
exists it's real if you really want to
00:16:41
get into it it's out there all right and
00:16:44
you honestly don't have to look too hard
00:16:47
but anyways guys that's going to do it
00:16:48
for today's video I really hope you
00:16:50
enjoyed it if you did leave a like down
00:16:53
below and if you're new here come on
00:16:55
just shoot me a shoot me a little
00:16:56
subscribe I'd greatly appreciate it and
00:16:59
once again don't forget to join the
00:17:00
Discord server my Discord server not a
00:17:02
gooning Discord server don't go gooning
00:17:04
there yeah with all that out of the way
00:17:06
guys I hope you guys have yourselves a
00:17:08
fantastic day and I'll see you next time
00:17:17
[Music]
00:17:29
a
00:17:31
[Music]
