The secret to self control | Jonathan Bricker | TEDxRainier

00:15:14
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTb3d5cjSFI

Resumen

TLDRThe speaker shares insights learned from their parents: the importance of health, shown through their mother's midlife fitness journey, and the value of science, imparted by their father's teaching. Leveraging these values, they address the modern epidemic of unhealthy living driven by lifestyle and habits like smoking and obesity. The speaker challenges conventional methods of combating unhealthy cravings, such as avoiding or distracting from cravings, by introducing the concept of 'willingness' from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Willingness involves acknowledging and allowing cravings to exist without acting on them. This approach was validated in clinical trials, revealing that more participants quit smoking when embracing cravings rather than avoiding them. The talk underscores the human struggle with cravings, urging acceptance as a path to self-control, and ends with a metaphorical suggestion to 'drop the rope' in the tug-of-war against cravings, thereby finding freedom from their control.

Para llevar

  • 🏃‍♀️ The speaker's mother started exercising at 42 and accomplished significant physical feats.
  • 🧬 Parents instilled in the speaker values of health and science.
  • 🚭 Unhealthy living like smoking and obesity is a global epidemic.
  • 🧠 Willingness involves embracing cravings without action rather than resisting them.
  • 📊 Trials showed willingness doubled smoking cessation success compared to avoidance.
  • 🔄 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy incorporates willingness for behavior change.
  • 🧘‍♀️ Awareness and acceptance of cravings can reduce their power.
  • 🛑 Conventional wisdom of 'turning off' cravings isn't effective.
  • 💡 Dropping the resistance to cravings ('dropping the rope') can lead to better control.
  • 🌟 Self-kindness is key in overcoming shame associated with unhealthy habits.

Cronología

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker shares personal stories about his parents, particularly his mother's journey into fitness at a late age and his father's influence in valuing science. He introduces the theme of unhealthy living as an epidemic and discusses preventable causes of death like smoking and obesity. The speaker proposes that personal choices about managing cravings could be key to tackling these issues, referencing a new science of self-control dubbed 'willingness'. "Willingness" involves recognizing and not fighting cravings rather than suppressing them through sheer willpower.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The speaker explains 'willingness' within behavioral therapy, emphasizing acceptance over resistance. He critiques the traditional advice of avoiding cravings, illustrating with a humorous song about avoiding feelings. By acknowledging cravings instead of turning them off, people may have better success in quitting habits. His research in Seattle is testing this approach through clinical trials, including various mediums like apps and hotlines. Early results show promising success rates, doubling those of the avoidance strategies. He stresses that effectiveness lies not in ignoring cravings but in engaging with them thoughtfully.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:14

    Further illustrating with a case study named 'Jane,' the speaker discusses how recognizing thoughts and cravings creates space for choices. He introduces exercises like prefacing thoughts with “I am having the thought,” to distance oneself from them. The speaker then highlights the emotional burden of judgment and shame smokers experience, suggesting self-compassion can help. He proposes that the secret to self-control is relinquishing control, visualizing it as dropping the rope in a tug-of-war against cravings. By allowing cravings space without acting on them, the struggle often diminishes. He concludes by encouraging mindful eating choices, emphasizing self-kindness.

Mapa mental

Vídeo de preguntas y respuestas

  • How did the speaker's mother exemplify a commitment to health?

    The speaker's mother started exercising for the first time at age 42, progressing from running around the block to participating in marathons and triathlons, and eventually trekking to Mt. Everest base camp.

  • What values did the speaker learn from their parents?

    The speaker learned the importance of health from their mother and the value of science from their father, which guided their journey in addressing unhealthy living.

  • What is the concept of 'willingness' as mentioned in the talk?

    Willingness is a concept where one accepts cravings without acting on them, distinguishing it from willpower which encourages resisting or ignoring cravings.

  • How does willingness differ from traditional methods of dealing with cravings?

    Instead of avoiding cravings, willingness encourages acknowledging them and allowing them to pass naturally without acting on them.

  • What were the findings of the research conducted on willingness and quitting smoking?

    The speaker's research involved using willingness in clinical trials, showing more than twice as many participants quit smoking when using the willingness approach compared to avoidance tactics.

  • How is willingness incorporated into therapeutic practices?

    Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) integrates the concept of willingness to address various issues like anxiety and addiction through behavioral change.

  • What metaphor does the speaker use to illustrate the concept of willingness and self-control?

    The speaker suggests dropping the rope in the mental tug-of-war with cravings, meaning to allow them to exist without engaging in struggle.

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Desplazamiento automático:
  • 00:00:00
    Translator: Emanuele Rossi Reviewer: TED Translators admin
  • 00:00:10
    Let me tell you about my mom.
  • 00:00:13
    My mom was 42 years old when I was born,
  • 00:00:18
    and she started exercising for the first time in her life.
  • 00:00:23
    She started by running around the block,
  • 00:00:25
    and then she started doing 5K races, and then she started doing 10K races.
  • 00:00:32
    And after that, she ran a marathon,
  • 00:00:36
    and after that, my mom did a triathlon.
  • 00:00:40
    By the time she was 57 years old,
  • 00:00:44
    my mom was trekking uphill to the base camp of Mt. Everest.
  • 00:00:51
    (Laughter)
  • 00:00:53
    And let me tell you about my dad.
  • 00:00:56
    (Laughter)
  • 00:01:00
    When I was a kid, my dad used to take me to science classes.
  • 00:01:06
    He was also my calculus teacher in high school.
  • 00:01:12
    (Laughter)
  • 00:01:13
    I wanted to crawl under the desk.
  • 00:01:15
    (Laughter)
  • 00:01:17
    I learned something important from my mom:
  • 00:01:20
    The value of health.
  • 00:01:23
    And I learned something important from my dad:
  • 00:01:27
    the value of science.
  • 00:01:30
    And these two values have guided me on my trek through life,
  • 00:01:35
    and they've helped me appreciate an epidemic that we are all facing.
  • 00:01:40
    And it's not Ebola.
  • 00:01:43
    Instead, it is the epidemic of unhealthy living.
  • 00:01:47
    A half billion people worldwide are obese.
  • 00:01:52
    And you would think that 50 years after the first U.S. Surgeon General's report
  • 00:01:56
    on the dangers of tobacco was published we'd be beyond the problem of smoking.
  • 00:02:03
    Today, a billion people worldwide use tobacco.
  • 00:02:09
    Tobacco and obesity are two of the most preventable causes
  • 00:02:14
    of premature death.
  • 00:02:18
    Solving these problems is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle.
  • 00:02:22
    We engage in unhealthy behaviors because of our genetics,
  • 00:02:25
    because of brain neurotransmitters,
  • 00:02:28
    because of environmental influences such as peers and the media.
  • 00:02:33
    Each of those pieces of the puzzle
  • 00:02:35
    are not things that you and I can solve on our own.
  • 00:02:40
    But there is one piece of this puzzle that may hold the key:
  • 00:02:47
    Our choices about what we do with our cravings to engage
  • 00:02:52
    in addictive behaviors like smoking or overeating.
  • 00:02:58
    Our choices.
  • 00:03:00
    There is a new science of self-control
  • 00:03:04
    that may hold the key to reversing these epidemics.
  • 00:03:08
    It's called willingness.
  • 00:03:11
    Willingness means allowing your cravings to come and to go,
  • 00:03:16
    while not acting on them by smoking or eating unhealthy.
  • 00:03:22
    But actually, I'm not talking about willpower, and I'm not talking about
  • 00:03:28
    "power through your cravings."
  • 00:03:30
    Instead, I'm talking about a different notion of cravings
  • 00:03:34
    that looks like this:
  • 00:03:39
    dropping the struggle with your cravings.
  • 00:03:44
    Opening up to them, letting them be there,
  • 00:03:50
    and making peace with them.
  • 00:03:53
    Now at this point you may be very skeptical.
  • 00:03:55
    (Laughter)
  • 00:04:01
    I was when I first heard about it years ago.
  • 00:04:05
    A friend of mine came to me with a book on willingness.
  • 00:04:08
    He said, "Jonathan,
  • 00:04:11
    this book will change your life forever!"
  • 00:04:17
    And I said "Oh, OK... Yeah... yeah, I'll check it out."
  • 00:04:24
    So I went through it and thought, "Nah, this is a bunch of psycho-babble,"
  • 00:04:29
    and tossed it aside.
  • 00:04:31
    Until some years later when my wife
  • 00:04:34
    brought me to a workshop on willingness at the University of Washington,
  • 00:04:39
    and I was blown away.
  • 00:04:42
    So then I read the book,
  • 00:04:44
    and then I read a lot of books on willingness,
  • 00:04:46
    and I got trained in it,
  • 00:04:48
    and what I learned was that willingness is part of acceptance
  • 00:04:53
    in the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach to behavior change.
  • 00:04:57
    It's a broad approach to behavior change
  • 00:04:59
    that's being used to help people with anxiety disorders, with addictions
  • 00:05:04
    even some innovative companies
  • 00:05:05
    are now using it to help improve their employees' performance
  • 00:05:09
    and reduce their stress.
  • 00:05:11
    Now, to understand why I was blown away,
  • 00:05:14
    you have to understand the world I live in.
  • 00:05:18
    In my research world,
  • 00:05:20
    a common way you help people quit smoking and lose weight
  • 00:05:23
    is you teach them to avoid their cravings.
  • 00:05:27
    Avoid thinking about smoking, distract yourself from food cravings.
  • 00:05:32
    There's a song from a Broadway show that captures this perfectly.
  • 00:05:37
    It goes like this:
  • 00:05:40
    (Singing) When you start to get confused because of thoughts in your head,
  • 00:05:45
    don't feel those feelings,
  • 00:05:47
    hold them in instead.
  • 00:05:53
    Turn it off like a light switch just go click.
  • 00:05:58
    We do it all the time
  • 00:05:59
    when you're feeling certain feelings that just don't seem right.
  • 00:06:02
    Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light and turn them off.
  • 00:06:08
    (Laughter)
  • 00:06:10
    (Applause)
  • 00:06:15
    We all live in this world,
  • 00:06:18
    where the song we keep hearing is "turn off the bad feelings."
  • 00:06:24
    Now, let's take a look at these cookies.
  • 00:06:28
    (Laughter)
  • 00:06:32
    They just came out of the oven ooh, they are so good!
  • 00:06:37
    Ah, they're so delicious.
  • 00:06:39
    Mm-mm, just feel that craving to eat those cookies.
  • 00:06:43
    Ooh, they're lovely, they're so good.
  • 00:06:46
    Now, turn it off!
  • 00:06:48
    (Laughter)
  • 00:06:52
    Turn it off!
  • 00:06:54
    You want those cookies even more now, right?
  • 00:06:57
    You see the futility of trying to turn it off.
  • 00:07:00
    You can't turn it off!
  • 00:07:02
    And maybe you don't have to.
  • 00:07:04
    Maybe, you can leave the light on.
  • 00:07:10
    Here is how:
  • 00:07:12
    My research lab at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center, here in Seattle,
  • 00:07:18
    is conducting randomized clinical trials
  • 00:07:21
    to see if showing people how to be willing to have their cravings
  • 00:07:26
    is effective for quitting smoking.
  • 00:07:29
    We are conducting trials and face-to-face interventions
  • 00:07:32
    and a telephone quit smoking hotline and a website called webquit.org
  • 00:07:39
    and in an app called SmartQuit.
  • 00:07:43
    These technologies have the potential to reach millions of people
  • 00:07:47
    with interventions that could save their lives.
  • 00:07:51
    That's pretty amazing.
  • 00:07:54
    And let me tell you about the data.
  • 00:07:57
    When you pool together the results from six clinical trials,
  • 00:08:01
    all six that have been published to date,
  • 00:08:04
    including trials conducted by our colleagues,
  • 00:08:07
    what we see is that for the people who were assigned
  • 00:08:10
    to the avoidance approach - avoiding your cravings —-
  • 00:08:13
    some of them quit smoking,
  • 00:08:16
    and it varied depending on the study.
  • 00:08:18
    However, for the people who were randomly assigned to the willingness condition,
  • 00:08:24
    twice as many quit smoking.
  • 00:08:28
    Very, very encouraging.
  • 00:08:30
    Now, of course, the data only tell us one small part of the story.
  • 00:08:36
    So, to help you see willingness in action,
  • 00:08:39
    I'm going to weave together experiences I've had
  • 00:08:42
    in counseling people for quitting smoking.
  • 00:08:45
    And I'll together refer to them as one person
  • 00:08:49
    that we'll just call Jane.
  • 00:08:50
    So, as is typical of people who come in to want help for quitting smoking,
  • 00:08:56
    Jane was a 45-year-old person
  • 00:08:59
    who started smoking when she was a teenager.
  • 00:09:02
    She tried to quit smoking several times and was not successful.
  • 00:09:06
    So, she was very skeptical that anything "new"
  • 00:09:08
    was going to be helpful to her for quitting,
  • 00:09:10
    and yet she was really hopeful that this time would be different.
  • 00:09:14
    So, the first thing that I showed Jane was to be willing,
  • 00:09:18
    that is to be aware, of her cravings in her body.
  • 00:09:22
    So to notice where she felt cravings in her body.
  • 00:09:25
    And what I did was I asked her
  • 00:09:27
    to journal that, and just to track the intensity over time,
  • 00:09:31
    and to see if she'd smoke afterwards.
  • 00:09:33
    So in the middle of explaining this, she stops me and says,
  • 00:09:36
    "What are you talking about? I don't have cravings, I just smoke!"
  • 00:09:42
    So I said, "Well, why don't you try it, and we'll see what happens,
  • 00:09:47
    and if it doesn't work, we'll try something else."
  • 00:09:49
    So she came back a week later and she said,
  • 00:09:53
    "You know, I've been tracking my cravings,
  • 00:09:57
    I've been tracking them all the time.
  • 00:10:00
    And now I can't stop thinking about smoking!
  • 00:10:04
    (Laughter)
  • 00:10:07
    What am I supposed to do?"
  • 00:10:09
    Well, before I tell you my answer, let'’s look behind the scenes.
  • 00:10:13
    Now, what was probably going on here
  • 00:10:15
    was that Jane was having cravings all along,
  • 00:10:18
    and like a lot of us, she was living on autopilot.
  • 00:10:24
    (Laughter)
  • 00:10:27
    You wake up in the morning, you smoke a cigarette,
  • 00:10:29
    you have a cup of coffee, you smoke a cigarette,
  • 00:10:32
    you get in the car, you smoke a cigarette.
  • 00:10:34
    We're often just not aware of what we think, what we feel before we act.
  • 00:10:38
    So, my answer to Jane was to be willing,
  • 00:10:41
    and one of the ways I showed her to do that
  • 00:10:44
    was with an exercise called "I am having the thought".
  • 00:10:48
    So, one of Jane's thoughts before she had a cigarette was,
  • 00:10:53
    "I'm feeling a lot of stress right now, I really need a cigarette."
  • 00:10:56
    So I asked her to add the phrase
  • 00:10:58
    "I'm having the thought" like this.
  • 00:11:00
    "I'm having the thought
  • 00:11:02
    that I'm feeling a lot of stress right now I really need a cigarette."
  • 00:11:05
    Then I asked her to add the phrase "I'm noticing I'm having the thought,"
  • 00:11:10
    so "I'm noticing that I'm having the thought
  • 00:11:12
    that I'm feeling a lot of stress right now,
  • 00:11:14
    I really need a cigarette."
  • 00:11:16
    Now, we can all do an exercise like this when we have any kind of negative thought.
  • 00:11:21
    Like for my thought that "I'm boring all of you with my talk"
  • 00:11:26
    (Laughter)
  • 00:11:27
    and I'm having the thought that I'm boring all of you with my talk.
  • 00:11:32
    So, what this exercise did is it gave me a little bit of space
  • 00:11:35
    between me and my thoughts.
  • 00:11:37
    And it's in that space
  • 00:11:40
    that I can choose not to run off the stage in front of 1,500 people.
  • 00:11:45
    (Laughter)
  • 00:11:47
    And the fact is we don't act on every thought we have,
  • 00:11:50
    because if we did, we'd all be in a whole lot of trouble.
  • 00:11:54
    (Laughter)
  • 00:11:56
    So, this was helpful to Jane, but there was something else
  • 00:12:00
    that was really difficult for Jane.
  • 00:12:03
    I felt a lot of compassion for her about it.
  • 00:12:06
    That was the judgment that she felt
  • 00:12:08
    from people when she would be outside smoking a cigarette.
  • 00:12:14
    The criticism from her husband for being a smoker,
  • 00:12:18
    and the self-loathing that she developed about smoking.
  • 00:12:24
    And she dealt with this shame by having a cigarette,
  • 00:12:28
    which gave her relief temporarily until the shame came back.
  • 00:12:33
    So, I said to Jane,
  • 00:12:36
    "What would it be like if we tried to honor this feeling of shame
  • 00:12:41
    as part of the human experience?
  • 00:12:45
    If you had a close friend who is feeling shame about smoking,”
  • 00:12:50
    I said to Jane,
  • 00:12:51
    “what would you offer this friend as words of caring and kindness,
  • 00:12:58
    and could you then offer those words to yourself, Jane?"
  • 00:13:03
    And she looked up,
  • 00:13:06
    and she had this look of this temporary respite from the shame,
  • 00:13:12
    which made it just a little bit easier next time
  • 00:13:15
    not to act on the craving.
  • 00:13:19
    So, here is the secret to self-control:
  • 00:13:21
    the secret to self-control is to give up control.
  • 00:13:25
    Because otherwise,
  • 00:13:27
    we get into a tug-of-war with a monster, a craving monster.
  • 00:13:33
    And the craving monster says,
  • 00:13:35
    "Come on, smoke a cigarette. Come on, have that cookie. Come on!"
  • 00:13:40
    And you're on the other side saying,
  • 00:13:42
    "No craving monster, I'm going to distract myself from you,
  • 00:13:45
    I'm going to ignore you, no, no, no, no."
  • 00:13:47
    And the craving monster says, "No, no, come on, you know you want it!"
  • 00:13:50
    And you're just back here
  • 00:13:51
    and you're going back and forth and back and forth
  • 00:13:54
    and pretty soon the craving monster overpowers you
  • 00:13:56
    — you have that cookie, you have that cigarette,
  • 00:13:59
    until the craving monster comes back.
  • 00:14:01
    And then you're in the tug-of-war again doing what we've learned how to do.
  • 00:14:06
    Unless -
  • 00:14:09
    unless you drop the rope.
  • 00:14:12
    And what you discover
  • 00:14:13
    is that if you just allow the monster to be,
  • 00:14:16
    to occupy a space in your body,
  • 00:14:19
    you discover in a few minutes
  • 00:14:21
    that the craving monster is not as threatening as he appears.
  • 00:14:25
    And sometimes, he even goes away.
  • 00:14:29
    As we break for lunch, we're going to have choices of what to eat.
  • 00:14:33
    (Laughter)
  • 00:14:40
    When you see them, try to be aware of the cravings in your body,
  • 00:14:47
    try to be willing to have those cravings.
  • 00:14:49
    See if they pass on their own.
  • 00:14:52
    Whatever choice you make, try to bring a spirit of caring
  • 00:14:56
    and kindness to yourself,
  • 00:14:59
    for that is the mountain that we are all climbing.
  • 00:15:04
    Thank you very much.
  • 00:15:05
    (Applause)
Etiquetas
  • Health
  • Exercise
  • Parenting
  • Science
  • Self-Control
  • Cravings
  • Willingness
  • Obesity
  • Addiction
  • Behavior Change