00:00:00
you keep putting off important tasks
00:00:02
even though you know you should be doing
00:00:03
them any single time you start making
00:00:05
progress in the gym you stop going you
00:00:07
set unrealistic standards for yourself
00:00:09
and refuse to do anything unless it's
00:00:11
perfect you're literally standing in the
00:00:13
way of your own progression if somebody
00:00:16
else was out here flaking on you like
00:00:17
this you would probably think that they
00:00:19
hate you so why are we treating
00:00:20
ourselves like this one thing that isn't
00:00:22
discussed enough is that yes when you're
00:00:24
trying to become the dream version of
00:00:26
yourself you need to put in all the work
00:00:27
and you need to be disciplined but also
00:00:29
you need to work on your yourself
00:00:30
internally so that when you do finally
00:00:32
get into a good space or start receiving
00:00:34
all of the things that you dreamt of you
00:00:36
feel secure enough in yourself that you
00:00:38
don't then start to sabotage them so in
00:00:40
this video I'm going to be sharing all
00:00:42
of the unique forms of self-sabotage
00:00:44
that a lot of the time you probably
00:00:45
don't even realize that you're doing and
00:00:47
then all of the ways that you can
00:00:48
overcome them to stop self-sabotaging in
00:00:50
your life but before we get into it make
00:00:52
sure to check out all the links Below in
00:00:53
my description because my selflove guide
00:00:56
book just came out and is available to
00:00:58
order worldwide on Amazon it's called by
00:01:00
yourself The Damp flowers and is a
00:01:02
practical guide to learning how to
00:01:04
achieve self- love in all areas of your
00:01:06
life and down below you can also find my
00:01:08
Instagram my Snapchat my Tik Tok my
00:01:10
other YouTube channels my podcast
00:01:11
self-obsessed where there's like a whole
00:01:13
other bunch of exclusive
00:01:15
self-development advice on becoming the
00:01:17
most powerful and self-obsessed self
00:01:19
over there and finally this video has
00:01:21
been brought to you by Thea study if you
00:01:23
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this platform is the Smart study feature
00:01:53
this uses spaced repetition and requires
00:01:55
students to actively recall what they
00:01:57
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00:01:58
so much is because I have to do this
00:02:00
myself back when I was in school and I
00:02:02
honestly think that this is the most
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00:02:06
get up to those a grades so I'm so glad
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not to mention reading all of the
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00:02:18
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00:02:20
all of your attention on what you're
00:02:22
studying and this form of self quisine
00:02:24
works wonders for students so then you
00:02:26
don't have to waste time copying over
00:02:27
studying guides making flash cards and
00:02:29
rying too much on your short-term memory
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tools Thea study is not going to answer
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its AI to do so Thea study is not about
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helping you cheat it's out here to
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improve your skills so you actually
00:02:44
become the best student that you can
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possibly be Thea study supports almost
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every single subject from basic biology
00:02:50
to algebra to Advanced Medical studies
00:02:52
and Niche historical events they also
00:02:54
support English to Spanish and English
00:02:56
to French to be completely honest I
00:02:57
wasn't always an a gr student I really
00:03:00
had to completely switch up my entire
00:03:01
studying strategy to be able to finish
00:03:03
school with Straight A's and I think
00:03:06
what really contributed to that was the
00:03:07
amount of practice papers that I was
00:03:09
taking and Thea study already knows this
00:03:11
because they have a tests feature and
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this basically means that any student
00:03:15
can then take practice timed
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examinations on their platform to help
00:03:19
make sure that you take away any of that
00:03:21
exam taking anxiety and you are the most
00:03:24
prepared so if you're ready to level up
00:03:26
in your academic career then you can
00:03:27
join bsud for free via the Link in my
00:03:30
description it's available in 80 plus
00:03:32
languages so everyone can use it chapter
00:03:34
number one signs you are standing in
00:03:36
your own way and committing
00:03:38
self-sabotage and you might not even
00:03:40
know it number one is your actions don't
00:03:43
match your truth AKA you are not where
00:03:45
you want to be because every single day
00:03:47
you are feeding the life that you don't
00:03:49
want most of the time this form of
00:03:51
self-sabotage is rooted in a lack of
00:03:53
self trust you don't trust that you have
00:03:55
the ability to achieve the things that
00:03:57
you want to or that they're too hard or
00:03:58
too frustrating so so you make the
00:04:00
process of it sound exhausting before
00:04:03
you even try which ends up being this
00:04:05
vicious cycle of wanting to do things
00:04:06
but never quite mustering up the courage
00:04:08
to go and do them sign number two is you
00:04:11
always avoid the right direction I
00:04:13
personally think actively pushing away
00:04:15
the things that could help you grow is
00:04:17
the biggest form of self-sabotage you
00:04:19
were literally cutting off your own
00:04:21
Lifeline when you were telling yourself
00:04:22
you want to succeed this form of
00:04:24
self-sabotage is definitely a difficult
00:04:25
one and the reason that we will avoid
00:04:27
going to therapy or avoid having the
00:04:29
difficult comp conversations that is
00:04:30
going to help us develop as a person is
00:04:32
because our subconscious and this is
00:04:34
true for literally everyone this is not
00:04:35
a you problem is so addicted to and
00:04:38
attached to the familiarity of the life
00:04:40
that we've had so far that it has
00:04:43
difficulty just comprehending trying to
00:04:45
be someone else or living a different
00:04:46
life there's a lot of fear around that
00:04:48
and it just wants things to stay the
00:04:49
same all the time and if you don't
00:04:51
actively work on shifting your
00:04:52
subconscious and visualizing your dream
00:04:54
life and really making that your new
00:04:56
normal and your new familiarity then
00:04:58
your subconscious is always going to
00:04:59
ground you and take you back to where
00:05:01
you were before which then manifests as
00:05:03
self-sabotaging in your real physical
00:05:05
life sign number three you believe
00:05:07
everything will fail or everything is
00:05:09
hard and nothing comes easy and so that
00:05:12
is the result that you keep on receiving
00:05:14
this is basically a self-fulfilling
00:05:16
prophecy of failure you are manifesting
00:05:19
your own struggles because of the way
00:05:20
you talk to yourself because of the way
00:05:22
that you perceive and think about the
00:05:23
world and therefore the energy that you
00:05:25
are radiating and giving every single
00:05:27
day this shows up as starting a new
00:05:29
project or going out to meet new people
00:05:30
and instead in the back of your mind you
00:05:32
are thinking what if this goes wrong
00:05:34
what if they don't like me what if I
00:05:35
fail what if everybody sees me trying
00:05:37
and then it doesn't even work or I don't
00:05:38
make money doing it you haven't even
00:05:39
done the thing yet and you already have
00:05:41
so many negative expectations which
00:05:43
eventually will be your downfall and
00:05:46
while I appreciate a lot of the time we
00:05:47
cannot control our first thoughts
00:05:49
because it's our subconscious and it's
00:05:51
just natural feelings and emotions that
00:05:52
are coming up you can control your
00:05:54
second and your third thought you can
00:05:56
shift it into something more positive
00:05:57
and more abundant to make sure that you
00:05:59
are showing up in the right energy in
00:06:01
your life to manifest the results that
00:06:02
you actually want rather than setting
00:06:05
yourself up for failure and lastly sign
00:06:07
number four that you are giving some
00:06:09
self-sabotage in your own life and need
00:06:11
to cut it out is chronic indecision your
00:06:14
inability to make decisions can keep you
00:06:15
stuck in this toxic cycle of analysis
00:06:18
paralysis and while you are stuck in
00:06:19
doing all of this overthinking and every
00:06:21
single thing you're going to do in your
00:06:22
life somebody else has taken that idea
00:06:24
and they are already doing it they are
00:06:25
halfway in the process to achieving that
00:06:28
thing while you are still thinking about
00:06:29
whether you can even do it and it's not
00:06:31
your fault you don't know that it's
00:06:32
wrong and you don't know that it's
00:06:34
holding you back because in your mind
00:06:35
it's a form of self- protection you
00:06:37
don't want to waste your time you don't
00:06:38
want to make the wrong decision you
00:06:39
don't want to go down the wrong path but
00:06:41
all of those things you don't want to do
00:06:42
are ultimately sabotaging your process
00:06:44
because in order to win you need to try
00:06:46
and you need to fail and by the way if
00:06:47
you're struggling with this I have an
00:06:49
entire podcast episode on failure that's
00:06:50
really going to help you shift your
00:06:51
mindset on this the irony of this type
00:06:53
of self-sabotage is that by refusing to
00:06:56
make a decision you are making a
00:06:58
decision which the decision to not move
00:07:01
forward okay enough of making you feel
00:07:03
bad about yourself we are not about that
00:07:04
over here so let's move on to chapter
00:07:06
number two which is the cause of
00:07:07
yourself sabotage because once you
00:07:09
identify the cause you can work
00:07:10
backwards from it and undo all of that
00:07:12
damage to become the best version of
00:07:14
yourself now you could say there are so
00:07:15
many different causes of self-sabotage
00:07:18
perfectionism negative core beliefs
00:07:20
insecurities the need for external
00:07:22
validation blah blah blah BL we hear all
00:07:24
of this information all of the time but
00:07:25
I believe there's actually only one
00:07:27
cause of self-sabotage which is true
00:07:29
true for everybody and it's the fear of
00:07:32
being hurt also known as trigger
00:07:34
avoidance when you have a painful memory
00:07:37
or wound from when you were younger
00:07:39
let's say this painful memory for you is
00:07:42
asking for help from other people and
00:07:44
the pain around that action was being
00:07:46
shut down being made to feel stupid
00:07:49
being ignored being betrayed not having
00:07:51
trust in anybody that pain will then
00:07:53
translate into self-sabotaging as an
00:07:55
adult when you then decide you have to
00:07:57
do everything by yourself everything
00:07:59
falls on your shoulders you cannot trust
00:08:01
anybody else to rely on them and you end
00:08:03
up self-sabotaging in this way because
00:08:05
your subconscious believes that if you
00:08:07
were to display that same action again
00:08:09
you will then be shut down in the same
00:08:10
way and you will receive the same amount
00:08:12
of pain and the same response once again
00:08:14
which of course is not true but this is
00:08:16
what happens when we're hurt and we have
00:08:17
certain traumas and so then because you
00:08:19
don't work on the subconscious belief
00:08:21
that then translates into you pushing
00:08:23
people away and you don't even know why
00:08:24
and feeling like you're not good enough
00:08:26
another example of this main cause
00:08:28
trigger avoidance as to Wild
00:08:29
self-sabotage is let's say you got
00:08:32
heartbroken by somebody that you just
00:08:33
love and trusted so much that emotional
00:08:36
turmoil and the emotional distress that
00:08:38
you went through in that situation
00:08:40
forces you to protect yourself so you
00:08:42
never have to go through it again so
00:08:43
your self-sabotage then looks like you
00:08:45
putting walls up pushing good people
00:08:47
away not being able to be vulnerable
00:08:49
having trust issues with almost
00:08:50
everybody in your life being overly
00:08:52
judgmental to other people to push them
00:08:54
away and make excuses as to why they
00:08:56
can't be in your life and why you can't
00:08:57
lean on them and all of those beh avors
00:08:59
boil down to the action of supporting
00:09:02
the core negative belief that Love Hurts
00:09:05
love is painful it's not easy you can't
00:09:07
have it it always results in pain and
00:09:09
that is true for any painful situation
00:09:11
that you have been through so then it
00:09:13
might be that vulnerability is wrong or
00:09:15
I am not academically smart or people
00:09:17
don't love me we all have this negative
00:09:19
core belief no matter what traumatic
00:09:21
situation that we went through which
00:09:22
then forms as self-sabotaging as we grow
00:09:25
up it's exactly why whenever you get a
00:09:27
good opportunity or find a good person
00:09:29
you can't trust it because your
00:09:30
subconscious is telling you it's too
00:09:32
good to be true there must be something
00:09:34
wrong with it this person is out to get
00:09:36
you and so now you have to find the
00:09:38
flaws in that person or the negative
00:09:40
side of that situation to support the
00:09:43
limiting beliefs that you've had in your
00:09:45
subconscious all throughout your life
00:09:47
that leads us onto chapter number three
00:09:49
the solutions aka the homework for this
00:09:51
video everything you can do practically
00:09:53
and actionably to break out of your
00:09:55
self-sabotaging habits step number one
00:09:58
is fall in love with your suffering Yes
00:10:00
you heard that right because we know
00:10:02
that the main cause of self-sabotaging
00:10:03
is trying to avoid pain trying to get
00:10:06
away from the painful consequences that
00:10:08
we lived through when we were younger
00:10:10
and then doing the actions to make sure
00:10:11
that we don't have to go through it
00:10:12
again and so the opposite of that and
00:10:14
the solution to overcoming this entire
00:10:16
toxic cycle of back and forth is to
00:10:19
instead embrace the pain and I know that
00:10:21
might sound really weird and really dumb
00:10:23
in your opinion but think about it
00:10:25
painful experiences are always catalysts
00:10:27
for growth think about it this way the
00:10:29
last hard situation that you just got
00:10:31
through do you think you 5 years ago
00:10:33
would have been able to do that no
00:10:34
because all of the knowledge and all of
00:10:36
the emotional experience that you have
00:10:37
gained through every challenge you've
00:10:38
gone through in this life has equipped
00:10:41
you to deal with your most recent ones
00:10:42
the first time that you went through a
00:10:43
friendship breakup or got betrayed by
00:10:45
somebody you then knew what standard to
00:10:47
set and what to look out for in all of
00:10:48
the friendships that you made a few
00:10:50
years later it makes you stronger and
00:10:52
wiser it's literally the purpose of life
00:10:54
and that leads you to my next point
00:10:56
which is that pain gives us so much
00:10:57
Clarity and so much information about
00:10:59
what we want in our lives if somebody
00:11:00
has pushed you away if you have failed
00:11:02
academically it helps you regroup your
00:11:04
thoughts and think does this matter for
00:11:06
me do I want to run ah head first into
00:11:08
this situation again or do I want to
00:11:10
direct my attention somewhere else and
00:11:12
on this subject of embracing your
00:11:14
suffering and falling in love with it I
00:11:15
have to talk about the power in being
00:11:17
disliked I used to run away from this so
00:11:19
much and I used to mirror other people
00:11:20
or people please to make sure that
00:11:22
people didn't think I was this villain
00:11:24
or that they couldn't be friends with me
00:11:25
or that they didn't like me or that I
00:11:26
was a no I love love being disliked
00:11:30
because it directs me to the people that
00:11:31
are actually meant for me I will show up
00:11:33
so authentically and so effing cringy
00:11:36
because if you dislike me great you are
00:11:38
doing me a favor it's that sort of pain
00:11:40
that you need to come to terms with and
00:11:43
the way that you do it is by growing
00:11:44
this Detachment it's about always
00:11:46
knowing that everything is going to work
00:11:48
out for you it's also about
00:11:49
understanding that your past mistakes or
00:11:50
whatever you're going through right now
00:11:51
does not define you or Define which way
00:11:54
your life is going to go and when you
00:11:55
think about it that way of course you're
00:11:57
going to put yourself in relationships
00:11:59
of course you're going to open yourself
00:12:00
up to new experiences no matter how
00:12:02
obviously scary they're going to be and
00:12:03
of course with every situation comes the
00:12:05
possibility of a heartbreak or pain or
00:12:07
failure but you know that's just going
00:12:09
to help you grow and become a better
00:12:11
person it is never something to run away
00:12:13
from this links into solution number two
00:12:15
which is to surrender control which of
00:12:18
course links back into Detachment see
00:12:20
self-sabotaging and this entire cycle of
00:12:22
supporting your limiting beliefs is
00:12:24
addictive and you like doing it because
00:12:27
it gives you a sense of control with
00:12:28
every situation you go through if things
00:12:30
are always matching these core beliefs
00:12:32
that you have about the way that the
00:12:34
world works or how people are it allows
00:12:37
you to predict how things are going to
00:12:39
end but the thing is uncertainty is
00:12:41
normal and it's the best part about life
00:12:43
because when nothing is uncertain that
00:12:44
means everything and anything is
00:12:47
possible well yes there's always a side
00:12:49
that things can crumble and go badly and
00:12:51
fail because it's uncertain there's also
00:12:54
an amazing possibility that things could
00:12:56
turn out better than you could have ever
00:12:58
imagined and when you finally Master the
00:13:00
mindset and the feeling of becoming
00:13:02
comfortable with the fact that you will
00:13:03
never have all of the answers to
00:13:04
everything you are then more likely to
00:13:06
have the courage to be able to try new
00:13:08
things without falling into this trap of
00:13:10
perfectionism or needing to have it all
00:13:12
worked out or being stuck in this place
00:13:14
of analysis paralysis remember that the
00:13:16
most uncertainty is always a step
00:13:18
outside of your comfort zone and the
00:13:19
second that you go to that place all
00:13:21
you're going to get is confidence and
00:13:23
expansion and the final solution for
00:13:25
overcoming yourself sabotage is probably
00:13:28
my favorite and it's to practice
00:13:29
visualization because think about it
00:13:32
every single time you self-sabotage you
00:13:33
are doing that because before you
00:13:35
complete the self-sabotaging action you
00:13:37
have imagined oh my God this is going to
00:13:39
go really really bad or oh my God this
00:13:40
person is going to break my heart and
00:13:41
you are seeing this negative consequence
00:13:44
play out in your mind which then
00:13:45
motivates you to then push it away or do
00:13:48
the thing that's not actually serving
00:13:49
you so what if we replace that with you
00:13:52
cutting out that first initial scary
00:13:54
feeling or thought and building on those
00:13:55
second and third thoughts that can
00:13:57
actually benefit us which is then VIs
00:13:59
visualizing this is going to go better
00:14:00
than I could have ever imagined
00:14:01
everything is always working out for me
00:14:03
in my favor visualization literally
00:14:05
helps you rewire your brain to only see
00:14:07
the positive outcomes and I have always
00:14:09
said that visualization is something
00:14:11
that I practice every single day I kid
00:14:13
you not guys it's in my morning routine
00:14:14
it's in my daily to-do list I will not
00:14:16
let a day go by where I do not practice
00:14:18
visualization because it's such a
00:14:19
powerful tool that has contributed to so
00:14:21
much of My Success and helped me
00:14:23
overcome my number one obstacle and my
00:14:25
number one self-sabotage when I was
00:14:27
first starting out on social media which
00:14:29
was self-doubt which HED me back so many
00:14:31
times but when I started visualizing
00:14:33
things going my way and me actually
00:14:35
succeeding and me not needing to doubt
00:14:36
myself but being the most confident
00:14:38
version of myself it gave me the
00:14:39
confidence and courage to actually Chase
00:14:41
my goals to actually give it everything
00:14:43
that I got because I could already see
00:14:45
it being a reality in my head and so I
00:14:47
could not recommend but practice that
00:14:49
even if it's for 60 seconds every single
00:14:52
day and that brings us to the end of
00:14:53
this video I hope you guys enjoyed it
00:14:55
this has been a requested video for so
00:14:57
long and I've always looked forward to
00:14:58
filming it here so please comment down
00:15:00
below and let me know what your favorite
00:15:01
part of this video was or if you're
00:15:02
going to take something from it or most
00:15:04
importantly which solution SL homework
00:15:07
you are going to start practicing from
00:15:08
this because I would love to know don't
00:15:10
forget that my new book bios of the dam
00:15:12
flowers which is available on Amazon
00:15:14
also has homeworks after every single
00:15:16
chapter in the book like multiple
00:15:18
homeworks to make sure that you are
00:15:19
being accountable on your journey and
00:15:21
actually making significant effective
00:15:23
progress so I highly recommend you check
00:15:25
it out and if you're still watching
00:15:27
comment the word blueberry down below in
00:15:29
the comment section to confuse everybody
00:15:30
else that didn't get to this part of the
00:15:32
video I appreciate you so much and I
00:15:34
will see you same time next week on
00:15:35
Friday for a brand new video bye
00:15:43
[Music]
