The Simple Trick to Stop Caring What People Think

00:08:24
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NK-rIVi4nLI

Résumé

TLDRMark Manson addresses the fantasy of being unaffected by others' opinions. He explains that while many desire this indifference, it is natural to care about how others perceive us. Manson argues that social validation is key to human interaction and empathy, which are vital for a fulfilling life. Rather than trying to suppress these feelings, he emphasizes finding better social circles that offer healthy validation. The ultimate antidote to caring too much lies in having a significant purpose or cause that transcends the need for external approval, as this shifts the focus away from social fear to meaningful action.

A retenir

  • 💬 Everyone wishes to not care about others' opinions.
  • 🧠 Caring about others makes us humane, not psychopaths.
  • 🚀 Humans evolved to be sociable for survival.
  • 🔄 You can change social circles to find better validation.
  • 💔 Social rejection is tied to feelings of safety.
  • 🔥 Having a deeper purpose helps reduce concern for opinions.
  • 🏆 Real confidence comes from caring about worthwhile causes.

Chronologie

  • 00:00:00 - 00:08:24

    Mark Manson introduces the common desire to not care about others' opinions, emphasizing it's a universal fantasy many share. He addresses the main question received in a recent AMA: why do we care so much about others' opinions, and how can we stop? Manson suggests that instead of eliminating concern for others' views, the focus should shift to managing those perceptions better, linking caring about others to being a good human and contributing to empathy and social bonds.

Carte mentale

Vidéo Q&R

  • Why do we care what other people think?

    Caring about what others think is a natural human trait that fosters empathy and social bonds.

  • How can I stop caring what other people think?

    Instead of eliminating this care, focus on managing it by surrounding yourself with people who respect you.

  • What should I do if I feel rejected by my social group?

    You can seek out new groups or 'tribes' that are more aligned with your values.

  • What if I'm surrounded by negative people?

    It's important to find better people to surround yourself with who can provide genuine validation.

  • What is the ultimate reason people care what others think?

    It stems from our evolutionary need for social bonds and survival.

  • How does having a deeper purpose affect caring about opinions?

    Having something important to care about can reduce your concern for others' opinions.

  • What is Mark Manson's perspective on social rejection?

    Social rejection is painful because it triggers our survival instincts and social dependency.

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Sous-titres
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Défilement automatique:
  • 00:00:00
    what's up everybody mark manson here i
  • 00:00:02
    want to start off talking about
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    a fantasy you know because i think we
  • 00:00:05
    all have a very similar fantasy
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    no no no not that kind of fantasy it's
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    actually a very mundane and common
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    fantasy we all have this fantasy that
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    it's
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    possible to not give a [ __ ] what people
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    think about us
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    everybody's felt this at one time or
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    another everybody wishes that we were
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    impervious to the opinions of those
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    around us that we had a perfect
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    confidence that was
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    imperturbable to the environs that
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    insults and haters
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    bounced off us like [ __ ] bullets on
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    superman's chest that we can reach this
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    perfect
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    mental state where our insecurities melt
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    away and we're left with this shining
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    hero who's gonna
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    take over the [ __ ] world but then we
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    open our mouths and realize what a
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    dumbass we are and it's back to square
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    one so i recently hosted an ama
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    ask mark anything on my website for my
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    site members and of course
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    the number one question was this why do
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    we care so much what other people think
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    how do we stop
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    caring so much what other people think
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    this got upvoted like 200 [ __ ] times
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    everybody wants to know this and so
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    youtube land i decided to come on here
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    and answer this publicly to answer it
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    once and for all i've got a short answer
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    a long answer and an answer that will
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    probably surprise you so stick around
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    [Music]
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    so before i dive into how to stop caring
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    what other people think about you
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    i need you to like this video and
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    subscribe to the channel
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    why because i am a desperately insecure
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    human being who derives all validation
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    from external sources
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    in fact my entire self-esteem rides on
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    the back of arbitrary numbers that go
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    up and down on the internet so please
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    save a soul
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    click the like button click the [ __ ]
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    subscribe button alright so now that
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    we've got that out of the way here's the
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    short answer of
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    why you care what other people think
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    because you're not a psychopath
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    okay because caring what other people
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    think about you
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    is what makes you a good human being can
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    you imagine a world where like a child
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    gets cancer and you don't [ __ ] care
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    that your mom gets hit by a bus and
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    you're like
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    not my problem that would be a horrible
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    [ __ ] world and this is what i think a
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    lot of people who ask this question
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    forget
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    yes the opinions and perceptions of
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    other people can be very stressful and
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    cause us anxiety
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    but they also cause pretty much
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    everything good in life as well
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    they lead to joy empathy compassion
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    friendship seriously who wants to get
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    rid of that stuff so when i hear people
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    say
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    how do i stop caring what other people
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    think i kind of translate it for them
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    what they're really asking is how do i
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    better manage what other people think
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    now that's a real [ __ ] question and
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    that brings us to
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    the long answer let's go back a couple
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    million years
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    humans suck we're pretty bad at
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    almost everything in nature we're weak
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    we're slow
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    we're bad at climbing things our teeth
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    aren't very sharp if you compare us to
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    other
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    mammals in the animal kingdom we're
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    pretty bad at just about
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    everything in fact the only thing that
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    is particularly notable about humans
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    that makes us stand out that makes us
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    superior in any way to other creatures
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    is our intelligence
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    and our intelligence evolved because we
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    are highly sociable creatures
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    like the chameleon skin that changes
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    color or the cheetah that's fast as [ __ ]
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    human intelligence and the socializing
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    that is built
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    upon that intelligence is our
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    evolutionary superpower it's what got us
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    here
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    it's what helped us survive and
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    replicate to the point that
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    i'm sitting here talking to a [ __ ]
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    camera and you're listening therefore
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    sociability is literally ingrained into
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    our nervous system
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    we need to interact with other humans
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    around us to stay
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    physically healthy to stay mentally
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    healthy now for the vast majority of
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    human history we evolved in
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    small tribes groups of you know i think
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    anywhere from 30 people
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    up to maybe 120 people now these tribes
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    were extremely close
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    knit they usually consisted of one the
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    three extended families who kind of
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    intermingled with each other
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    every social relationship mattered
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    everybody was always depending on
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    other people for their own survival so
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    if you've got ducky mcdickface over
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    there who
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    keeps on wasting food and makes a bunch
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    of noise at night when predators are
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    about the other 29 people in the tribe
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    get
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    pretty [ __ ] pissed off at that guy
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    and if they kick him out of the tribe
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    he's dead humans cannot survive alone
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    for very long in the wild
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    and so as a result of that fact we are
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    evolved to equate
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    social rejection with death being
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    rejected by the tribe
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    is a threat to our safety this is why
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    social rejection
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    feels so utterly painful somebody
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    refusing your invitation to the school
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    dance is like
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    just as traumatizing as getting in a car
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    accident or getting a kidney transplant
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    it's
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    an absolutely earth-shaking experience
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    the first time it happens so i guess my
  • 00:04:46
    point in all this is that
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    these feelings of social dependency of
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    being highly concerned with what the
  • 00:04:53
    people around you think
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    it's a completely natural part of the
  • 00:04:56
    human condition
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    everybody experiences it to a certain
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    extent and everybody has to learn how to
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    cope with it
  • 00:05:02
    now let's talk about what makes modern
  • 00:05:05
    life so awesome
  • 00:05:06
    you got the [ __ ] video games you got
  • 00:05:08
    air travel
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    got virtual realities coming that's all
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    great but what's
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    best about modern life is that you can
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    pick your own tribe
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    you can change tribes so if you get
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    rejected or ostracized from one tribe
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    you can go find a better tribe another
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    way to think about this
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    is that you can never stop seeking
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    social validation you will
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    always crave social validation but what
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    you can change is which
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    people you seek that validation from you
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    can decide
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    who are the people you want to impress
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    who are the people worth impressing
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    and this is the problem with most people
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    who ask this question
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    they've surrounded themselves by petty
  • 00:05:45
    shitty people
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    and because they're surrounded by petty
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    shitty people they constantly crave
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    validation from petty shitty people
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    and there's nothing worse than trying to
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    be validated
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    by somebody who is supremely selfish
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    instead of not
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    caring what people think just find
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    better people
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    surround yourself by people that you
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    admire people you look
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    up to people who can teach you something
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    who respect you for who you are
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    so it sounds pretty simple right no
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    problem
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    just find some better people ah it's not
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    that easy
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    cue the harsh truth of the day
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    the harsh truth of the day is that if
  • 00:06:24
    you care too much what other people
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    think
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    it's probably because you don't have
  • 00:06:28
    something more important to care about
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    think about it let's do a thought
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    experiment let's pretend
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    a baby is trapped in a burning building
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    and you're the only person that knows
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    that that baby is there
  • 00:06:40
    now all these people are standing around
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    and you're like oh my god i gotta go
  • 00:06:43
    save that baby
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    and you start running into the building
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    and all these people you know are like
  • 00:06:48
    man what's mark doing that's [ __ ]
  • 00:06:50
    crazy
  • 00:06:51
    wow you're an idiot mark who runs into a
  • 00:06:53
    burning building they start talking all
  • 00:06:54
    this [ __ ] would that stop you from going
  • 00:06:56
    into that building no you don't
  • 00:06:58
    [ __ ] care what people on the street
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    think there's a [ __ ] kid who's
  • 00:07:02
    about to die you go save that [ __ ]
  • 00:07:04
    life and when you come out
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    you also don't care what they think you
  • 00:07:08
    either did it or you didn't
  • 00:07:09
    you know if you come out and they're all
  • 00:07:10
    like oh my god mark you're such a great
  • 00:07:12
    guy
  • 00:07:14
    you know it's like what matters is the
  • 00:07:16
    kid's life beyond the social validation
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    beyond the embarrassment the approval
  • 00:07:20
    people agreeing or disagreeing with you
  • 00:07:22
    saving somebody's life is what matters
  • 00:07:24
    in that moment
  • 00:07:24
    now that's an extreme example but the
  • 00:07:27
    same principle plays out throughout life
  • 00:07:30
    you will stop caring what other people
  • 00:07:32
    think about you
  • 00:07:33
    when you have something more important
  • 00:07:34
    to care about when you have something
  • 00:07:36
    worth being embarrassed over
  • 00:07:38
    when you have something worth being
  • 00:07:39
    ridiculed for when you believe in
  • 00:07:41
    something
  • 00:07:41
    so intensely that it's so important that
  • 00:07:44
    if you're
  • 00:07:45
    willing to lose friends or the respect
  • 00:07:47
    of your neighbors
  • 00:07:49
    that's when you stop caring what other
  • 00:07:50
    people think and the irony of this of
  • 00:07:52
    course
  • 00:07:52
    is that that is the moment that
  • 00:07:54
    everybody starts respecting you
  • 00:07:56
    be sure to like the video subscribe to
  • 00:07:58
    the channel i post [ __ ] like this like
  • 00:08:00
    almost every week every week weekly ish
  • 00:08:03
    and uh
  • 00:08:03
    leave in the comments what is so
  • 00:08:06
    important in your life that you're
  • 00:08:07
    willing
  • 00:08:08
    to be ridiculed for it if you can't
  • 00:08:09
    answer that easily that might be the
  • 00:08:12
    problem
  • 00:08:13
    till next time this is mark manson
  • 00:08:16
    pretending to salute
  • 00:08:20
    [Music]
  • 00:08:23
    peace
Tags
  • Mark Manson
  • social validation
  • opinions
  • evolution
  • self-esteem
  • social rejection
  • tribes
  • purpose
  • human nature
  • self-worth