Review Your Life in 8 Phases

00:59:45
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ17CUnitUM

Résumé

TLDRLa vidéo discute de la notion d'ego dans le contexte psychanalytique, expliquant que contrairement à la conception courante de l'ego comme vanité ou égoïsme, il s'agit d'une partie essentielle de l'esprit qui gère les interactions avec la réalité. Le narcissisme et la psychopathie sont présentés comme des pathologies liées à un développement perturbé de l'ego, empêchant les individus d'établir des liens solides avec la réalité et avec autrui. Le travail d'Erik Erikson est également examiné en ce qui concerne les huit stades du développement psychosocial, soulignant l'impact d'une mauvaise parentalité sur la formation d'une identité saine. À travers chaque stade, les conséquences des échecs dans le développement sont discutées, particulièrement en ce qui concerne les narcissiques qui échouent à établir des relations intimes et significatives en raison d'une confiance centrale manquante et d'une vision déformée de la réalité.

A retenir

  • 🧠 L'ego est essentiel pour naviguer entre désirs et réalité.
  • ⚠️ Le narcissisme résulte d'une déformation de l'ego.
  • 🌱 Le développement sain de l'ego nécessite une bonne parentalité.
  • 📖 Erik Erikson a formulé huit stades de développement.
  • 🙈 Une mauvaise parentalité peut mener à un manque de confiance en soi.
  • 🤝 L'intimité est difficile pour les individus narcissiques.
  • 💔 Les narcissiques souffrent d'une identité fragmentée.
  • 🎨 La créativité n'est pas seulement externe, elle vient de l'intégration interne.
  • ⏳ Les échecs psychosociaux au début de la vie augmentent la rigidité identitaire.
  • 🌍 La recherche de l'identité est un processus continu et évolutif.

Chronologie

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    Dans le langage courant, l'ego signifie simplement la vanité, l'égoïsme et le centrage sur soi. Cependant, dans la théorie psychanalytique, l'ego est une partie de l'esprit qui interagit avec la réalité et médiatise entre les désirs et la réalité. L'ego doit prévenir des conséquences néfastes et maintenir la sécurité de l'individu.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Le narcisisme est un mécanisme de défense qui perturbe profondément la formation de l'ego, rendant impossible une perception réaliste de soi et du monde. Les narcissiques ne peuvent pas développer un ego mature car ils ne vivent pas pleinement, ne traversent pas les étapes nécessaires de la vie pour se développer psychologiquement.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    Erik Erikson a proposé que la vie se divise en huit étapes cruciales, chacune ayant un conflit psychosocial qui influence le développement de l'ego et de l'identité. Ces absent du développement complet de l'ego et de l'identité conduisent souvent à des troubles comme le narcissisme.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Erikson a suggéré que l'ego doit passer par une série de phases de développement en fonction des interactions avec des figures parentales. Les expériences de ces premières interactions façonnent la confiance, l'autonomie et la capacité à initier des actions dans le monde.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Les deux premières étapes de vie, la confiance de base contre la méfiance et l'autonomie contre la honte, sont fondamentales pour le développement d'un ego fonctionnel. Les mauvais schémas parentaux ici conduisent à un manque de confiance et d'autonomie chez l'individu.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Dans la troisième étape, l'initiative contre la culpabilité est liée à la capacité à prendre des initiatives. Les enfants qui ont échoué doivent faire face à la culpabilité, ce qui inhibe leur croissance. Cela peut les mener à se retirer dans la fantaisie plutôt que d'interagir avec la réalité de manière saine.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Dans l'étape suivante, l'industrie contre l'infériorité, l'enfant apprend à se sentir productif. Une éducation médiocre peut engendrer un sentiment d'infériorité et créer des narcissiques qui se perçoivent comme défectueux et incapables.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    L'adolescence, durant l'étape d'identité contre confusion, est une période où l'individu tente de former son identité en interagissant avec la société. Un échec à ce stade conduit à une diffusion de l'identité, laissant les adolescents incertains de qui ils sont, ce qui est courant chez les narcissiques.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    La phase d'intimité contre l'isolement est difficile pour les narcissiques car leur incapacité à établir une connexion profonde avec autrui les conduit à se sentir seuls et isolés. Ils confondent souvent performance et amour, menant à des relations superficielles.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:50:00

    En milieu d'âge, l'étape de la générativité contre la stagnation implique la façon dont une personne contribue à la société, que ce soit par la créativité ou la parentalité. Les narcissiques peuvent sembler accomplis extérieurement, mais en réalité, ils stagnent sur le plan émotionnel et personnel.

  • 00:50:00 - 00:59:45

    Finalement, dans la phase de l'intégrité contre le désespoir, un regard sur leur vie ne laisse souvent les narcissiques qu'avec du ressentiment et du désespoir. Alors que ceux qui ont vécu de manière authentique trouvent la paix, les narcissiques pleurent les occasions manquées et la fin de leurs aspirations jamais réalisées.

Afficher plus

Carte mentale

Vidéo Q&R

  • Qu'est-ce que l'ego selon la théorie psychanalytique ?

    L'ego est une partie de l'esprit responsable de la médiation entre les désirs internes et la réalité.

  • Pourquoi les narcissiques n'ont-ils pas d'ego fonctionnel ?

    Les narcissiques ont une déformation majeure de leur ego, les rendant incapables d'interagir efficacement avec la réalité.

  • Qui a proposé les huit stades du développement psychosocial ?

    Erik Erikson a proposé les huit stades du développement psychosocial.

  • Quels sont les besoins d'un ego mature ?

    Un ego mature nécessite une vie vécue pleinement, passant par chaque phase de la vie.

  • Quels sont les résultats d'une mauvaise parentalité sur le développement de l'ego ?

    Une mauvaise parentalité peut provoquer un manque de confiance en soi et des problèmes d'identité.

  • Qu'est-ce que signifie l'initiative contre la culpabilité dans le développement d'un enfant ?

    C'est une étape où l'enfant apprend à explorer et à initier des projets, mais doit faire face à la peur de l'échec ou de la culpabilité.

  • Comment le narcissisme affecte-t-il le développement de l'intimité ?

    Le narcissisme rend difficile le développement de l'intimité, car le narcissique ne fait pas confiance aux autres.

  • Qu'est-ce que la génération contre la stagnation ?

    C'est une phase du développement où un individu doit trouver un moyen de créer et de renouveler sa vie.

  • Quelle est la différence entre identité atteinte et diffusion d'identité ?

    L'identité atteinte implique une exploration et un engagement forts, tandis que la diffusion d'identité signifie un manque d'exploration et de commitment.

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  • 00:00:02
    in Daily speech ego simply means vanity
  • 00:00:07
    being full of yourself or being
  • 00:00:11
    self-centered selfish
  • 00:00:14
    egotism but this is not the meaning of
  • 00:00:17
    ego in psychoanalytic theory and
  • 00:00:20
    literature ego is a part of the mind
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    that is responsible for multiple
  • 00:00:28
    functions the most important of which is
  • 00:00:32
    interfacing with
  • 00:00:34
    reality
  • 00:00:35
    mediating between urges and desires and
  • 00:00:40
    wishes and drives and reality because
  • 00:00:45
    reality tends to push back there are
  • 00:00:48
    consequences to actions and it is the
  • 00:00:52
    ego's responsibility to prevent you from
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    falling U into a trap to meet mitigate
  • 00:01:00
    any possible harm and untoward
  • 00:01:04
    outcomes so the ego is there as both a
  • 00:01:09
    wise advisor a kind of Parental figure
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    keeping you keeping you safe keeping you
  • 00:01:17
    functional this is the ego and I keep
  • 00:01:20
    saying that narcissists have no ego
  • 00:01:24
    narcissism is a Fantasy Defense which
  • 00:01:28
    involves A disruption a major disruption
  • 00:01:31
    in the formation of the ego and
  • 00:01:34
    inability to grasp reality properly and
  • 00:01:37
    impaired reality testing which is one of
  • 00:01:40
    the functions of the ego but why why is
  • 00:01:43
    this why does this
  • 00:01:46
    happen because in order to develop a
  • 00:01:50
    fully
  • 00:01:51
    functioning benevolent and beneficial
  • 00:01:54
    ego and ego with your friend an ego
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    which takes care caters to your
  • 00:02:01
    psychological needs without compromising
  • 00:02:04
    your security and safety and future
  • 00:02:07
    prospects in order to develop an ego
  • 00:02:10
    that is
  • 00:02:11
    mature you need to live life to the
  • 00:02:15
    fullest you need to pass through each
  • 00:02:18
    and every phase of Life grow evolve
  • 00:02:24
    develop learn and internalize lessons
  • 00:02:27
    model yourself on the behavior of other
  • 00:02:31
    people role models and finally reach
  • 00:02:35
    your destination whichever it might be
  • 00:02:39
    family a career both realize your life
  • 00:02:43
    plan and your goals within what is known
  • 00:02:47
    as the LIF span and this is what
  • 00:02:51
    something narcissists and Psychopaths
  • 00:02:53
    never do they never live life to the
  • 00:02:55
    fullest they never live life period it
  • 00:02:58
    was clly who suggested in the 1940s that
  • 00:03:02
    psychopathy he called it psychopathy
  • 00:03:04
    today we know that he was referring to
  • 00:03:06
    malignant
  • 00:03:07
    narcissist he said that Psychopaths
  • 00:03:11
    reject life it's a rejection of Life
  • 00:03:14
    today we call it constriction of life
  • 00:03:17
    and that is very true narcissism and
  • 00:03:20
    psychopathy are
  • 00:03:23
    absconding with uh yourself pushing
  • 00:03:27
    yourself away from reality
  • 00:03:30
    in the absence of a functional core
  • 00:03:32
    identity in the absence of a self or an
  • 00:03:35
    ego the narcissist and the psychopath
  • 00:03:38
    are unable to interact appropriately
  • 00:03:42
    within reality within everchanging ever
  • 00:03:46
    shifting environments within social
  • 00:03:49
    social structures so what they do
  • 00:03:51
    instead especially the narcissist they
  • 00:03:53
    resort to fantasy and in the case of the
  • 00:03:56
    narcissist he confuses fantasy with real
  • 00:03:59
    real ity that's not the casee with the
  • 00:04:01
    psychopath but it is definitely the case
  • 00:04:03
    with a
  • 00:04:04
    narcissist and one of the major Scholars
  • 00:04:07
    and
  • 00:04:08
    thinkers to teach us to have taught us
  • 00:04:12
    about life its inexorable Evolution from
  • 00:04:16
    one stage to the next processes of
  • 00:04:19
    self-development and self- growth and
  • 00:04:22
    learning and maturation and
  • 00:04:26
    habituation and so on so and identity
  • 00:04:28
    formation one of the greatest Scholars
  • 00:04:31
    if not the greatest of them all was Eric
  • 00:04:36
    Erikson like many Giants in Psychology
  • 00:04:39
    Eric Ericson has been rejected by
  • 00:04:41
    Academia he never got the tenured
  • 00:04:45
    professorship he's so coveted same as
  • 00:04:48
    Freud many most actually 70% of the
  • 00:04:52
    Giants of psychology prior to
  • 00:04:55
    1960 never had any formal education in
  • 00:04:58
    Psychology nor did they possess any
  • 00:05:01
    academic degree in Psychology I'm
  • 00:05:02
    talking about people like Freud like
  • 00:05:05
    Melanie Klein others obtain their
  • 00:05:08
    academic degrees after they have after
  • 00:05:12
    they have done the seminal work that
  • 00:05:15
    came to be identified with him for
  • 00:05:18
    example Donald wiot who was a
  • 00:05:20
    pediatrician and Lan who was a
  • 00:05:23
    schizophrenic hospitalized in a mental
  • 00:05:25
    Asylum when she started to develop DBT
  • 00:05:29
    dialectical behavioral therapy the main
  • 00:05:31
    treatment modality for Borderline
  • 00:05:33
    Personality Disorder so forget all this
  • 00:05:36
    nonsense about credentials and academic
  • 00:05:39
    degrees and knowledge of statistics and
  • 00:05:42
    in in and and enmeshment in new
  • 00:05:45
    discoveries in Neuroscience this is not
  • 00:05:48
    psychology psychology is not a science
  • 00:05:52
    psychology is a pseudo science
  • 00:05:55
    psychology because of its subject matter
  • 00:05:58
    which is human beings
  • 00:06:00
    can at best be a form of literature and
  • 00:06:03
    no one excelled in this more than Eric
  • 00:06:07
    ericon bleheim who wrote the famous book
  • 00:06:12
    about fairy tales and enchantment and so
  • 00:06:14
    on so forth lied about his
  • 00:06:17
    credentials Ericson didn't have to he
  • 00:06:21
    completed his Master's long into his um
  • 00:06:25
    adulthood and he never became a
  • 00:06:28
    professor although he was a resident in
  • 00:06:30
    Harvard as far as I know throughout this
  • 00:06:34
    period Ericson analyzed life and divided
  • 00:06:38
    it to eight stages the topic of today's
  • 00:06:42
    conversation I'm going to describe
  • 00:06:44
    Ericson's work and applied to narcissism
  • 00:06:48
    at the end of this video you will
  • 00:06:50
    hopefully understand why narcissist are
  • 00:06:54
    selfless I always said that niss are
  • 00:06:58
    selfless and
  • 00:07:00
    definitely not possessed of an
  • 00:07:03
    ego my name is s vaknin and I'm the
  • 00:07:06
    author of malignant self love narcissism
  • 00:07:08
    Revisited and as opposed to ericon I am
  • 00:07:11
    actually a professor of psychology a
  • 00:07:14
    visiting Professor until recently and
  • 00:07:16
    currently on the faculty of
  • 00:07:19
    Cups Commonwealth Institute for advanced
  • 00:07:21
    professional studies Cambridge United
  • 00:07:23
    Kingdom Toronto Canada and an Outreach
  • 00:07:26
    campus in Lagos Nigeria let's go and
  • 00:07:31
    tour the fascinating World of Eric
  • 00:07:37
    Erikson Eric Ericson's work revolved
  • 00:07:40
    around the critical pivotal and
  • 00:07:45
    convoluted topic of ego
  • 00:07:49
    identity how does the ego evolve and
  • 00:07:52
    become an identity how do we acquire the
  • 00:07:56
    set of characteristics that make us who
  • 00:08:00
    we are
  • 00:08:03
    idiosyncratically Su genis how do we
  • 00:08:06
    become one of a
  • 00:08:08
    kind and this was the topic this was the
  • 00:08:11
    main focus of Eric Ericson's work he
  • 00:08:14
    said that ego identity is gradually
  • 00:08:17
    achieved by facing goals and challenges
  • 00:08:21
    and he divided life the entire lifespan
  • 00:08:25
    from birth to death he divided it into
  • 00:08:29
    eight eight stages I'm going to read to
  • 00:08:31
    you the headlines of these stages and
  • 00:08:34
    I'm going to dwell on each and every one
  • 00:08:36
    of them and apply them to the disrupted
  • 00:08:39
    disrupted
  • 00:08:41
    development uh arrested growth and
  • 00:08:45
    problems in ego formation in narcissism
  • 00:08:49
    so Erikson said that life is divided to
  • 00:08:51
    eight stages stage number one infancy
  • 00:08:54
    basic trust versus mistrust stage two
  • 00:08:59
    toddler autonomy versus shame and doubt
  • 00:09:02
    stage three
  • 00:09:05
    preschool um the age where initiative
  • 00:09:08
    clashes with guilt school age involves
  • 00:09:11
    industry versus inferiority adolescence
  • 00:09:15
    is identity versus identity confusion
  • 00:09:18
    young adulthood intimacy versus
  • 00:09:21
    isolation middle age generativity versus
  • 00:09:25
    stagnation and older adulthood well into
  • 00:09:29
    um the point of death integrity versus
  • 00:09:35
    despair now before we proceed ego
  • 00:09:39
    identity in psychoanalytic theory is the
  • 00:09:42
    experience of the self as a
  • 00:09:45
    recognizable persistent entity resulting
  • 00:09:48
    from the integration of the ego ideal
  • 00:09:52
    how how one would like to see oneself in
  • 00:09:54
    the future various roles in life husband
  • 00:10:00
    father um uh student Mentor what have
  • 00:10:04
    you and ways of adjusting to reality so
  • 00:10:09
    the ego's role of interacting with
  • 00:10:12
    reality subsumes one's roles in life and
  • 00:10:18
    leads one pushes you to realize your ego
  • 00:10:24
    ideal your image of yourself as you
  • 00:10:27
    would have liked to be so this is ego um
  • 00:10:31
    ego
  • 00:10:32
    identity and um it involves a gradual uh
  • 00:10:38
    acquisition of a sense of identity
  • 00:10:42
    self-worth it's a kind of Integrative
  • 00:10:46
    process a process of integration that
  • 00:10:48
    lasts from Cradle to grave ericon
  • 00:10:53
    suggested that this process of
  • 00:10:55
    integration is the essential process in
  • 00:10:59
    personality development he says that we
  • 00:11:02
    start off fragmented
  • 00:11:04
    confused and we end life knowing exactly
  • 00:11:08
    who we are if we are lucky if we have
  • 00:11:11
    lived life to the fullest if we have not
  • 00:11:15
    rejected life let's start at the moment
  • 00:11:18
    of birth the first of the eight stages
  • 00:11:22
    of psychosocial development of Eric
  • 00:11:25
    Ericson's magnificent masterpiece
  • 00:11:29
    uh magisterial work so between birth and
  • 00:11:34
    18 months of age the infant comes to
  • 00:11:38
    view other people and themselves as
  • 00:11:43
    trustworthy or they develop a
  • 00:11:46
    fundamental distrust of the
  • 00:11:49
    environment if the baby is exposed to
  • 00:11:52
    good enough
  • 00:11:54
    parenting
  • 00:11:56
    stable present loving
  • 00:11:59
    caring hold holding
  • 00:12:03
    containing uh understanding accepting
  • 00:12:07
    parents or
  • 00:12:09
    caregivers and later on peers Role
  • 00:12:13
    Models such as teachers but initially
  • 00:12:16
    the stage of babyhood we are talking
  • 00:12:18
    about parental figures with a huge
  • 00:12:20
    emphasis on the mother a good enough
  • 00:12:22
    mother in Donald wot's uh lingo so if a
  • 00:12:27
    baby is exposed to a good enough mother
  • 00:12:29
    this baby will grow up trusting other
  • 00:12:33
    people if the baby however is exposed to
  • 00:12:36
    what Andre green called a dead mother a
  • 00:12:39
    mother who is absent who is depressive
  • 00:12:42
    who is selfish who is strumental ises
  • 00:12:45
    the baby who partify the baby a mother
  • 00:12:49
    who abuses or traumatizes in a variety
  • 00:12:52
    of ways a mother who doesn't allow the
  • 00:12:54
    baby to develop and become bounded
  • 00:12:58
    separate SE from her later on separation
  • 00:13:01
    individuation if the if the child is
  • 00:13:03
    subjected or exposed to this kind of
  • 00:13:07
    dead
  • 00:13:07
    mother this baby is likely to grow up
  • 00:13:11
    mistrusting and distrusting other people
  • 00:13:16
    the growth of basic
  • 00:13:18
    trust was considered by Ericson to be
  • 00:13:21
    essential for the later development of
  • 00:13:24
    self-esteem and healthy interpersonal
  • 00:13:27
    relationships
  • 00:13:30
    uh ericon suggested that the primary
  • 00:13:34
    caregiver must be responsive and attuned
  • 00:13:39
    to the babies or infants individual
  • 00:13:42
    needs while conveying the quality of
  • 00:13:46
    trustworthiness
  • 00:13:47
    reliability
  • 00:13:49
    predictability
  • 00:13:50
    determinacy
  • 00:13:52
    certainty the growth of basic mistrust
  • 00:13:56
    is the outcome in Erikson's work of
  • 00:13:59
    neglect lack of Love inconsistent
  • 00:14:02
    treatment and this of course sits well
  • 00:14:05
    with the work of BBY and later others in
  • 00:14:09
    attachment
  • 00:14:11
    Theory U one could say that Ericson
  • 00:14:14
    preceded attachment Theory the child
  • 00:14:16
    must experience both trust and
  • 00:14:20
    mistrust in order to know how to truly
  • 00:14:23
    trust so the child must be exposed to
  • 00:14:26
    figures in his life like his mother
  • 00:14:29
    who he can trust and on the other hand
  • 00:14:33
    to other types of people who he cannot
  • 00:14:35
    trust so he learns to create a balance
  • 00:14:40
    between trust and mistrust not to become
  • 00:14:43
    naive or gable or open to manipulation
  • 00:14:47
    and
  • 00:14:48
    exploitation however the dominant
  • 00:14:51
    feature in a child in a baby in an
  • 00:14:53
    infant who has been ra raised by good
  • 00:14:56
    enough parents is Trust this kind of
  • 00:14:59
    child regards the world as an
  • 00:15:02
    essentially benign place and other
  • 00:15:05
    people have usually good intentions so
  • 00:15:09
    he can trust the world to reciprocate
  • 00:15:14
    his own good behavior this is stage one
  • 00:15:18
    and it is the stage of infancy basic
  • 00:15:20
    trust versus
  • 00:15:22
    mistrust on comes the second stage in
  • 00:15:25
    Erikson's eight stages in Eric were and
  • 00:15:29
    that is autonomy versus shame or doubt
  • 00:15:33
    this is between the ages of 18 months
  • 00:15:36
    and three years and during this stage
  • 00:15:39
    children acquire a degree of
  • 00:15:42
    self-reliance and
  • 00:15:44
    self-confidence and this allows them to
  • 00:15:46
    develop at their own
  • 00:15:49
    pace of course this leads in mala's work
  • 00:15:53
    it leads to separation individuation the
  • 00:15:56
    child feels confident enough to rely on
  • 00:16:01
    itself rather than on
  • 00:16:04
    mother there is an element of
  • 00:16:06
    grandiosity here as Jung had
  • 00:16:09
    observed this kind of introversion to
  • 00:16:12
    extroversion process involves
  • 00:16:15
    grandiosity taking on the world when you
  • 00:16:17
    are two years old that's that's grandio
  • 00:16:22
    but it's a healthy kind of grandiosity
  • 00:16:24
    it is primary narcissism the healthy
  • 00:16:27
    kind stays with us for life and that
  • 00:16:30
    underlies our self-confidence and
  • 00:16:33
    self-esteem and so on so
  • 00:16:35
    forth but if the parents are
  • 00:16:38
    overcritical
  • 00:16:40
    overprotective inconsistent dead
  • 00:16:43
    metaphorically absent depressive
  • 00:16:47
    suppressive uh insecure fearful anxious
  • 00:16:52
    Etc if if the child is exposed to these
  • 00:16:55
    kind of parents the child is very
  • 00:16:57
    unlikely
  • 00:16:59
    to
  • 00:17:00
    develop um self-confidence and
  • 00:17:03
    self-esteem the child is likely to doubt
  • 00:17:06
    his or her ability to control themselves
  • 00:17:09
    and the world so exposure to the parents
  • 00:17:13
    in this second stage is still very
  • 00:17:16
    critical in the first stage the parent
  • 00:17:19
    induces in the child the ability to
  • 00:17:22
    trust others in the World At Large in
  • 00:17:25
    the second stage the parent triggers in
  • 00:17:29
    the child the need to separate and
  • 00:17:33
    individuate and this critically depends
  • 00:17:37
    on the parent ability to project a sense
  • 00:17:41
    of secure base a sense of stability
  • 00:17:44
    sense of safety a sense of trust in the
  • 00:17:48
    child I trust you to go out and explore
  • 00:17:51
    play with your peers I trust you to
  • 00:17:53
    experience loss and pain and survive etc
  • 00:17:57
    etc these are very very important
  • 00:17:59
    messages if the parent fails especially
  • 00:18:02
    the mother fails to convey these
  • 00:18:04
    messages the child is likely to remain
  • 00:18:09
    anxious doubtful of him of himself or
  • 00:18:12
    herself the child is going to doubt
  • 00:18:15
    their ability to control themselves and
  • 00:18:18
    the environment to induce change in
  • 00:18:20
    themselves or in the environment or in
  • 00:18:22
    others to modify other people's behavior
  • 00:18:25
    to explore to discover to to Revel in
  • 00:18:29
    the beauty of the world etc etc these
  • 00:18:31
    kind of children grow up to be terrified
  • 00:18:35
    of reality and of the world and it is a
  • 00:18:37
    disinf lection point that the
  • 00:18:40
    typical uh that the the child becomes a
  • 00:18:46
    narcissist it's exactly at this stage
  • 00:18:49
    the second stage of Ericson in the first
  • 00:18:52
    stage the dead mother or the bad parents
  • 00:18:57
    in ucing the child distrust this kind of
  • 00:19:01
    child grows up to not trust herself and
  • 00:19:05
    her parents which the parents are the
  • 00:19:08
    world so this child doesn't trust the
  • 00:19:09
    world and then in the second stage this
  • 00:19:12
    kind of child exposed to the wrong
  • 00:19:15
    parents she um she becomes dependent she
  • 00:19:22
    becomes anxious she becomes avoidant she
  • 00:19:26
    withdraws and because reality poses a
  • 00:19:30
    menace a threat reality is perceived as
  • 00:19:35
    hostile as contrarian as hurtful as
  • 00:19:40
    threatening because of as minacious
  • 00:19:42
    because of this the child decides to
  • 00:19:45
    resort to fantasy fantasy defense is
  • 00:19:49
    activated at this point the second stage
  • 00:19:51
    of
  • 00:19:52
    ericon it's activated and the child
  • 00:19:56
    becomes embedded
  • 00:19:58
    immured in the fantasy gradually the
  • 00:20:02
    child learns to identify himself with
  • 00:20:05
    the fantasy the false self and so the
  • 00:20:08
    child essentially dies mentally vanishes
  • 00:20:12
    and becomes the
  • 00:20:14
    fantasy and all this happens the first
  • 00:20:17
    two stages of
  • 00:20:19
    Ericson's uh
  • 00:20:21
    lifespan which leads to the third
  • 00:20:24
    stage initiative versus guilt this
  • 00:20:28
    occurs in the child's third through
  • 00:20:30
    fifth
  • 00:20:31
    years the child
  • 00:20:34
    plans La plans all kinds of things
  • 00:20:37
    launches projects initiates fantasies
  • 00:20:42
    and then tries to impose the fantasies
  • 00:20:45
    on reality via
  • 00:20:47
    play games and similar symbolic
  • 00:20:51
    activities the child learns to believe
  • 00:20:54
    in their ability to successfully pursue
  • 00:20:56
    goals child becomes
  • 00:20:59
    self-efficacious the child notices that
  • 00:21:02
    if he were to pursue a certain course of
  • 00:21:03
    action it's likely to yield certain
  • 00:21:07
    beneficial consequences wanted
  • 00:21:09
    consequences outcomes that are
  • 00:21:12
    gratifying so the child begins to
  • 00:21:15
    manipulate in a good sense his
  • 00:21:17
    environment others and himself in order
  • 00:21:21
    to pursue goals the child becomes
  • 00:21:25
    purposeful but this is true
  • 00:21:28
    only as it applies to a healthy child a
  • 00:21:32
    child who succeeded to develop trust in
  • 00:21:35
    the first stage and self-reliance
  • 00:21:38
    self-esteem and self-confidence in the
  • 00:21:40
    second stage a child who has
  • 00:21:43
    failed the first two stages child who
  • 00:21:46
    developed mistrust a child who remained
  • 00:21:51
    dependent on the parents on the mother
  • 00:21:53
    especially because there was no
  • 00:21:54
    separation individuation a child who
  • 00:21:56
    chose in the second stage
  • 00:21:58
    a Fantasy Defense in L of reality as a
  • 00:22:01
    substitute to reality this kind of child
  • 00:22:04
    will not transition to any of the
  • 00:22:07
    following six
  • 00:22:08
    stages um in a healthy functional way
  • 00:22:13
    this kind of child is going to fail the
  • 00:22:15
    next six stages indeed in the third
  • 00:22:19
    stage uh this kind of child is likely to
  • 00:22:23
    develop a feeling of self-doubt and even
  • 00:22:26
    guilt child tries to separate from the
  • 00:22:29
    parent this kind of child will feel
  • 00:22:31
    guilty for having done this or even
  • 00:22:33
    worthy of punishment in short the child
  • 00:22:36
    begins to develop a bad
  • 00:22:39
    object you don't love me says the parent
  • 00:22:43
    explicitly or implicitly you want to
  • 00:22:45
    walk away from me you're ignoring my
  • 00:22:48
    needs etc etc so this kind of parent
  • 00:22:52
    criticizes the child doesn't allow the
  • 00:22:56
    child to
  • 00:22:58
    succeed this kind of parent sets the
  • 00:23:01
    child up for failure whenever the child
  • 00:23:04
    tries to Take On The World As I said by
  • 00:23:07
    launching projects by planning something
  • 00:23:10
    by engaging in play with with peers and
  • 00:23:15
    etc etc the parent comes in and
  • 00:23:18
    criticizes the child and pushes the
  • 00:23:20
    child to fail the child learns to
  • 00:23:23
    associate failure with love whenever he
  • 00:23:28
    fails mommy is there to comfort him to
  • 00:23:32
    soothe him to love him to embrace him
  • 00:23:37
    whenever he succeeds she's critical
  • 00:23:40
    she's angry she's disappointed she's
  • 00:23:44
    hurt so this kind of child in the third
  • 00:23:47
    phase learns that the only form of
  • 00:23:50
    success is
  • 00:23:52
    failure on to the fourth stage the
  • 00:23:55
    fourth stage is industry versus
  • 00:23:57
    inferiority
  • 00:23:58
    it's between the ages of six and 11
  • 00:24:01
    years the child learns to be productive
  • 00:24:04
    and to accept evaluation of their
  • 00:24:08
    efforts even criticism the child is
  • 00:24:11
    sufficiently self-confident sufficiently
  • 00:24:15
    trustful sufficiently accomplished
  • 00:24:18
    during the third
  • 00:24:19
    phase to take on criticism and
  • 00:24:24
    advice and to pursue all kinds of ideas
  • 00:24:29
    and projects and Enterprises and
  • 00:24:32
    initiatives to pursue them to the end
  • 00:24:36
    despite negative sometimes outcome from
  • 00:24:40
    uh input I'm sorry from the
  • 00:24:42
    environment but if the child has failed
  • 00:24:45
    the first three stages owing to bed
  • 00:24:48
    parenting wrong parental messaging
  • 00:24:53
    discouraging parental messaging that
  • 00:24:55
    says you should never become your own
  • 00:24:57
    person you should never leave me you
  • 00:24:59
    should never separate from me this kind
  • 00:25:01
    of child has failed in the previous four
  • 00:25:03
    three phases and in the fourth
  • 00:25:06
    phase this kind of child becomes
  • 00:25:09
    discouraged he begins to develop a sense
  • 00:25:12
    of
  • 00:25:13
    inferiority
  • 00:25:15
    inadequacy
  • 00:25:16
    incompetence
  • 00:25:18
    unworthiness and this is when the bad
  • 00:25:22
    object
  • 00:25:24
    coalesces and becomes a permanent
  • 00:25:26
    feature in the narcissist mental
  • 00:25:30
    landscape so narcissist in the fourth
  • 00:25:33
    stage exits the fourth stage with a
  • 00:25:36
    fully formed
  • 00:25:39
    intact a psychodynamically active bed
  • 00:25:43
    object inside himself this kind of child
  • 00:25:46
    at the age of 6 years 9 years 11 years
  • 00:25:50
    already consider them himself or herself
  • 00:25:54
    to be somewhat defective
  • 00:25:59
    deformed as I said inadequate ugly
  • 00:26:03
    stupid something something's wrong with
  • 00:26:06
    me there's this constant background
  • 00:26:10
    emanation or signaling something's wrong
  • 00:26:12
    with me because something is wrong with
  • 00:26:15
    me I should not expose myself to reality
  • 00:26:19
    and to the world because I'm I'm not
  • 00:26:21
    equipped to cope with life and this
  • 00:26:24
    discourages the child and he draws
  • 00:26:26
    nearer to the parental figures which is
  • 00:26:29
    exactly what bad parents want their
  • 00:26:32
    children to do they don't want them to
  • 00:26:34
    walk away they want them to remain
  • 00:26:36
    dependent
  • 00:26:38
    forever the fifth stage is identity
  • 00:26:41
    versus identity confusion which is a
  • 00:26:43
    very big developmental part of
  • 00:26:47
    borderline personality disorders with an
  • 00:26:50
    S disorders plurality multiple because
  • 00:26:55
    uto kernberg has observed during the 70s
  • 00:26:58
    that borderline personality disorder
  • 00:27:00
    also
  • 00:27:01
    encompasses uh
  • 00:27:03
    narcissism um and they are all on the
  • 00:27:07
    verge of
  • 00:27:08
    psychosis and the key
  • 00:27:10
    feature one of the two key
  • 00:27:12
    features in such borderline personality
  • 00:27:16
    organization one of the two key features
  • 00:27:19
    is identity confusion also known as
  • 00:27:21
    identity disturbance also known as
  • 00:27:25
    identity diffusion there's a debate
  • 00:27:28
    because some of these terms apply only
  • 00:27:30
    to adolescents While others persist into
  • 00:27:33
    adulthood in any case there's a problem
  • 00:27:35
    with identity the second feature by the
  • 00:27:37
    way is emotional
  • 00:27:39
    disregulation so in the fifth stage of
  • 00:27:41
    Ericson's eight stages of psychosocial
  • 00:27:44
    development there the issue of identity
  • 00:27:48
    emerges the child has separated from the
  • 00:27:50
    parent the child is becoming an
  • 00:27:53
    individual by interacting with reality
  • 00:27:57
    reality is bruising reality is
  • 00:28:00
    unforgiving reality is
  • 00:28:02
    merciless life and the universe push
  • 00:28:05
    back they provide the kind of feedback
  • 00:28:09
    and input that calibrates the child
  • 00:28:13
    self-corrects the child the child is
  • 00:28:16
    able then to form boundaries that's
  • 00:28:20
    where I stop and the world begins the
  • 00:28:23
    child having formed boundaries is now
  • 00:28:26
    capable of of interacting with other
  • 00:28:28
    people on equal terms the emergence of
  • 00:28:32
    nent object relations this is a very
  • 00:28:35
    critical phase of course the more
  • 00:28:38
    experience the child has in his
  • 00:28:41
    interactions with the with the
  • 00:28:43
    environment the more the child
  • 00:28:46
    feels that he is the more the child
  • 00:28:50
    becomes it is through interactions with
  • 00:28:54
    reality that you become yourself
  • 00:28:57
    selfhood your sense of personhood of
  • 00:29:00
    being a person of being a unit this
  • 00:29:03
    unitary sense of self is the outcome of
  • 00:29:07
    push back from the environment
  • 00:29:10
    environment limits your ability to
  • 00:29:13
    expand
  • 00:29:14
    outwards and if it doesn't you end up
  • 00:29:17
    being psychotic this is known as
  • 00:29:19
    hyperreflexivity
  • 00:29:21
    so exposure to reality at a very early
  • 00:29:25
    stage of development is is super
  • 00:29:29
    crucial very critical to the emergence
  • 00:29:32
    of a
  • 00:29:33
    constellated integrated fully functional
  • 00:29:37
    self which is the fifth stage of
  • 00:29:40
    Erikson's eight
  • 00:29:43
    stages the fifth stage is a crisis one
  • 00:29:47
    could even say to some extent a trauma
  • 00:29:51
    it occurs during
  • 00:29:54
    adolescence and during this stage the
  • 00:29:56
    individual ual experiences kind of
  • 00:29:59
    psychos social
  • 00:30:02
    moratorium a period of time that perits
  • 00:30:06
    the individual to experiment with social
  • 00:30:09
    roles with sexual
  • 00:30:11
    orientation with scripts various scripts
  • 00:30:15
    with gender roles and so on so forth so
  • 00:30:18
    during the moratorium phase moratorium
  • 00:30:21
    simply means I don't know who I am yet
  • 00:30:24
    I'm going to try everything it's like
  • 00:30:26
    trying on
  • 00:30:27
    trying on pieces of clothing you know so
  • 00:30:31
    like entering a a shopping mall and
  • 00:30:33
    trying on all kinds of things so I'm
  • 00:30:35
    going to try on various identities until
  • 00:30:38
    I see what fits what fits me best and
  • 00:30:41
    this is the moratorium and the
  • 00:30:43
    individual tries on different roles and
  • 00:30:45
    identifies with different groups before
  • 00:30:48
    the individual reaches a conclusion an
  • 00:30:50
    equilibrium a
  • 00:30:53
    valley uh which which forms a cohesive
  • 00:30:58
    positive
  • 00:30:59
    identity so after this period of
  • 00:31:02
    experimentation usually a healthy
  • 00:31:05
    individual reaches a set of conclusions
  • 00:31:09
    as to who he is what she
  • 00:31:13
    is roles
  • 00:31:16
    orientations and all the other
  • 00:31:19
    Hallmarks and bells and whistles of
  • 00:31:23
    identity the identity then congeals
  • 00:31:27
    coalesence becomes a core and this is
  • 00:31:30
    known as core identity now one must not
  • 00:31:33
    confuse core identity with self and self
  • 00:31:36
    with
  • 00:31:37
    ego and I uh recommend that you watch my
  • 00:31:41
    videos about each of each of these three
  • 00:31:43
    topics there quite a few but generally
  • 00:31:46
    speaking uh positive Identity or the
  • 00:31:51
    formation of core identity which is well
  • 00:31:54
    demarcated boundaried
  • 00:31:56
    functional responsive to environmental
  • 00:31:59
    challenges and changes and so on this
  • 00:32:01
    kind of identity is mostly
  • 00:32:04
    psychosocial it has to do with social
  • 00:32:07
    functioning uh in a way that contributes
  • 00:32:10
    to society or at the very least in a way
  • 00:32:12
    that avoids repercussions and
  • 00:32:15
    punishments by
  • 00:32:16
    Society so a healthy person ends up
  • 00:32:20
    integrated in his Social Circle Social
  • 00:32:23
    Circle could be very big a political
  • 00:32:26
    party social ccle could be very small a
  • 00:32:28
    nuclear family or childless family or a
  • 00:32:32
    committed relationship whatever the case
  • 00:32:34
    may be it involves object
  • 00:32:36
    relations this phase leads to the
  • 00:32:39
    ability to say this is where I am and
  • 00:32:44
    knowing who I am as me I'm going to
  • 00:32:49
    contribute or to integrate myself in
  • 00:32:52
    larger structures in larger groups and
  • 00:32:56
    I'm going to function with with these
  • 00:32:57
    Within These groups to the best of my
  • 00:32:59
    ability contributing what I can this is
  • 00:33:03
    the healthy
  • 00:33:05
    path so to
  • 00:33:07
    summarize
  • 00:33:09
    experimentation identity formation
  • 00:33:12
    social integration of course this again
  • 00:33:16
    critically depends on the previous four
  • 00:33:19
    steps at
  • 00:33:21
    this at this point the narcissist has
  • 00:33:24
    failed the child who was about to become
  • 00:33:26
    a processes has failed all previous four
  • 00:33:29
    steps owing to bed parenting mostly but
  • 00:33:33
    not only bed parenting later on exposure
  • 00:33:36
    to peers exposure to role
  • 00:33:39
    models um like teachers mentors and so
  • 00:33:43
    on so forth for example a
  • 00:33:45
    child who is intellectually challenged
  • 00:33:48
    or child with autism spectrum disorder
  • 00:33:51
    or a child who is disabled and so on may
  • 00:33:53
    be subjected to such pure condemnation
  • 00:33:56
    and rejection
  • 00:33:57
    is likely to react with narcissism so
  • 00:34:00
    it's not only parents although in the
  • 00:34:01
    overwhelming vast majority of cases
  • 00:34:03
    we're talking about the mother to be
  • 00:34:06
    precise so coming back to the point the
  • 00:34:09
    narcissist is a child has fa is an
  • 00:34:12
    adolescent has failed the previous four
  • 00:34:14
    steps
  • 00:34:16
    inevitably The Narcissist continues to
  • 00:34:18
    fail the fifth
  • 00:34:21
    step in the fifth state St step fifth
  • 00:34:25
    stage of Ericson's eight
  • 00:34:28
    stages such a child such an adolescent
  • 00:34:34
    is likely to form a negative identity by
  • 00:34:39
    identifying without
  • 00:34:42
    groups or he may remain stuck in the
  • 00:34:46
    moratorium stage still
  • 00:34:49
    experimenting because he's very confused
  • 00:34:52
    about his or her
  • 00:34:53
    identity and this is known as identity
  • 00:34:58
    diffusion now I will elaborate a bit on
  • 00:35:01
    identity diffusion and and on something
  • 00:35:04
    called the identity status
  • 00:35:10
    model so to
  • 00:35:13
    recap as a child The Narcissist fails
  • 00:35:16
    stages one and two of Ericson as an
  • 00:35:19
    adolescent The Narcissist fails stages
  • 00:35:22
    uh three and four as a CH as a as a
  • 00:35:24
    toddler The Narcissist fails
  • 00:35:27
    stage three and four as an adolescent
  • 00:35:29
    the naris fails stage five and the
  • 00:35:33
    failure in stage five can be antisocial
  • 00:35:37
    failure so the child or the Adolescent
  • 00:35:40
    identifies for example with criminals
  • 00:35:42
    out
  • 00:35:44
    groups or it could be a borderline
  • 00:35:48
    failure
  • 00:35:50
    where the identity is not formed does
  • 00:35:54
    not coales does not come together
  • 00:35:57
    there's a failure at forming identity
  • 00:35:59
    identity formation
  • 00:36:00
    failure or collapse of identity
  • 00:36:03
    formation and at this point there's huge
  • 00:36:06
    confusion and huge
  • 00:36:09
    diffusion and the child of the
  • 00:36:12
    Adolescent desperately continues to try
  • 00:36:16
    to experiment with a variety of sexual
  • 00:36:19
    orientation and gender roles and social
  • 00:36:21
    roles and scripts and this this
  • 00:36:24
    experimentation this moratorium never
  • 00:36:26
    end
  • 00:36:28
    and because this experimentation becomes
  • 00:36:31
    a way of
  • 00:36:32
    life it is not possible to pinpoint an
  • 00:36:35
    identity for this individual this type
  • 00:36:38
    of individual and I'm talking about
  • 00:36:40
    people age 30 and 40 and 50 and 60 these
  • 00:36:44
    kind of individuals
  • 00:36:47
    transition
  • 00:36:49
    kaleidoscopically between a variety of
  • 00:36:51
    gender roles and sexual orientations and
  • 00:36:55
    belief systems and value systems and
  • 00:36:58
    religions and I mean you can never
  • 00:37:01
    pinpoint them you can never say with any
  • 00:37:06
    amount of certainty this is who this
  • 00:37:09
    person is you can never rely or trust
  • 00:37:13
    anything they say to you because their
  • 00:37:16
    values for example change from one day
  • 00:37:17
    to the next you cannot take their
  • 00:37:21
    Promises to the bank they break their
  • 00:37:23
    promises not because they're evil or
  • 00:37:25
    malignant or what have you but because
  • 00:37:29
    they are not the same person from one
  • 00:37:31
    day to the next in the most profound
  • 00:37:35
    sense identity diffusion is a lack of
  • 00:37:38
    stability or focus in the view of the
  • 00:37:42
    self or in any of the elements or of an
  • 00:37:45
    individual's
  • 00:37:46
    identity as I said it's common in
  • 00:37:48
    borderline personalties so so identity
  • 00:37:51
    diffusion involves actually two elements
  • 00:37:54
    in in in both personality disorder today
  • 00:37:57
    we don't use the the phrase identity
  • 00:38:00
    diffusion we use identity disturbance
  • 00:38:02
    but it involves two two key
  • 00:38:06
    elements an inability to regard oneself
  • 00:38:10
    to observe oneself to view ones as the
  • 00:38:14
    same person from one minute to the next
  • 00:38:17
    from one hour to the next from one day
  • 00:38:19
    to the next there is no constant stable
  • 00:38:25
    self-perception self image view of one's
  • 00:38:29
    self and the reason is very simple there
  • 00:38:31
    is no self there there's an
  • 00:38:35
    emptiness there's a vacuum there's a
  • 00:38:38
    void what be what came to be known as
  • 00:38:41
    the empty schizoid
  • 00:38:44
    core and
  • 00:38:46
    so this is element number one in
  • 00:38:49
    identity diffusion element number
  • 00:38:53
    two there is no
  • 00:38:55
    conception of the various components and
  • 00:38:59
    ingredients of one one's identity when
  • 00:39:02
    when such a person interacts with the
  • 00:39:05
    world interacts with other people she is
  • 00:39:08
    not
  • 00:39:09
    sure who is who she is what parts of
  • 00:39:14
    herself should interface and interact
  • 00:39:17
    with the
  • 00:39:18
    other um what should she bring to the
  • 00:39:22
    table what are her values or beliefs or
  • 00:39:26
    hopes or dreams or wishes or needs or
  • 00:39:29
    preferences she's not sure of any of
  • 00:39:31
    this so identity diffusion impacts
  • 00:39:36
    self-perception but also impacts the
  • 00:39:39
    perception of relationships and
  • 00:39:42
    interactions interpersonal interactions
  • 00:39:44
    with other
  • 00:39:45
    people it's very
  • 00:39:48
    destructive in ego psychology Eric
  • 00:39:51
    Ericson was a member of the school of
  • 00:39:53
    ego
  • 00:39:54
    psychology a possible outcome
  • 00:39:57
    of uh this the fifth stage the stage of
  • 00:40:01
    identity versus identity
  • 00:40:03
    confusion is that the individual emerges
  • 00:40:06
    with an uncertain sense of identity and
  • 00:40:09
    confusion about wishes attitudes goals
  • 00:40:12
    and so on so forth and this gave rise to
  • 00:40:15
    something known as the identity status
  • 00:40:17
    model it's an expansion of the fifth
  • 00:40:20
    stage of Eric Ericson and this model
  • 00:40:24
    says that there are four possible
  • 00:40:27
    identity
  • 00:40:28
    statuses identity status so there are
  • 00:40:31
    four of
  • 00:40:32
    them um and an individual can assume any
  • 00:40:36
    of these four identity statuses
  • 00:40:39
    especially during adolescence remember
  • 00:40:41
    in adolescence during the moratorium
  • 00:40:44
    there's a lot of
  • 00:40:45
    experimentation so the same adolescent
  • 00:40:48
    the same pubescent child can choose
  • 00:40:52
    identity one and then the next week
  • 00:40:56
    ident identity status too so the same
  • 00:40:58
    child can have different identity
  • 00:41:00
    statuses in the same body and even in
  • 00:41:03
    the same
  • 00:41:04
    period so each identity status is
  • 00:41:08
    characterized by a different level of
  • 00:41:11
    exploration of a specific identity and a
  • 00:41:14
    commitment to that identity so when you
  • 00:41:16
    have a status an identity status you
  • 00:41:18
    keep exploring your identity all the
  • 00:41:21
    time you know when you say to yourself I
  • 00:41:24
    I never knew I had this in me I could
  • 00:41:28
    never believe that I'll be that strong
  • 00:41:30
    you know that's you exploring your
  • 00:41:33
    identity all the time and then
  • 00:41:37
    committing to your discoveries the more
  • 00:41:40
    you find out about your identity the
  • 00:41:42
    more connected you are to it the more
  • 00:41:45
    committed to it you are and this is
  • 00:41:48
    identity status and development in
  • 00:41:52
    healthy people moves towards what is is
  • 00:41:56
    known as identity achievement status
  • 00:42:00
    evidence of identity exploration and
  • 00:42:02
    commitment to this newly discovered
  • 00:42:05
    evidence so at some point identity is
  • 00:42:10
    cemented it is cast in stone it's
  • 00:42:13
    accomplished it's
  • 00:42:15
    achieved and your status is minimal
  • 00:42:19
    exploration maximum commitment so it
  • 00:42:21
    starts in adolescence with maximum
  • 00:42:24
    exploration minimum commitment
  • 00:42:26
    and it reverses in later life and now
  • 00:42:30
    you're committed to your identity you
  • 00:42:32
    know who you are you know your beliefs
  • 00:42:34
    you know your values you know what
  • 00:42:36
    you're likely to do what you're very
  • 00:42:38
    unlikely to do you you know you can
  • 00:42:40
    control your impulses you can delay
  • 00:42:42
    gratification you know everything about
  • 00:42:45
    yourself and this is your identity your
  • 00:42:48
    achieved
  • 00:42:50
    identity and status is related to a to a
  • 00:42:55
    stable sense of self-worth not
  • 00:42:58
    fluctuating but stabilized self-esteem
  • 00:43:01
    self-confidence and healthy
  • 00:43:03
    psychological
  • 00:43:06
    functioning
  • 00:43:09
    uh the identity achievement status is
  • 00:43:12
    the final phase on the way to the
  • 00:43:15
    identity achievement status people
  • 00:43:18
    usually go through what is known as
  • 00:43:20
    moratorium
  • 00:43:23
    statuses uh it's it involves as I said
  • 00:43:27
    more exploration than commitment so
  • 00:43:30
    there is something called foreclosure
  • 00:43:32
    status it's a commitment to an identity
  • 00:43:35
    that adults have set forth for an
  • 00:43:38
    individual so in the foreclosure status
  • 00:43:42
    you choose an identity that is dictated
  • 00:43:45
    to you expected of you communicated to
  • 00:43:48
    you signaled to you by other people
  • 00:43:51
    usually parental figures but not only
  • 00:43:53
    could be teachers could be peers and so
  • 00:43:55
    on and you you adopt this this imported
  • 00:43:58
    identity identity from the outside it's
  • 00:44:01
    not really you it's not an outcome of
  • 00:44:04
    your exploration and your
  • 00:44:06
    experimentation and your discoveries
  • 00:44:08
    about yourself but you Lock Stock and
  • 00:44:11
    Barrel borrow it from someone else and
  • 00:44:15
    it becomes you and there's a failure to
  • 00:44:17
    explore other options before the
  • 00:44:19
    commitment is
  • 00:44:20
    made uh there's also something called
  • 00:44:23
    the diffusion status it's aect lack of
  • 00:44:26
    both exploration and commitment and this
  • 00:44:29
    was proposed in
  • 00:44:31
    1966 by the Canadian psychologist James
  • 00:44:34
    Maria m a r CIA
  • 00:44:37
    CIA proposed by the CIA so to summarize
  • 00:44:42
    in Ericson theory of psychosocial
  • 00:44:44
    development the experimental period of
  • 00:44:47
    adolescence in which during the task of
  • 00:44:51
    discovering who one is as an
  • 00:44:54
    individual separ separate from the
  • 00:44:56
    family of origin part as part of a
  • 00:44:59
    broader social context so in this phase
  • 00:45:02
    young people try out alternative roles
  • 00:45:06
    before making permanent commitments to
  • 00:45:08
    to to an identity adolescence who are
  • 00:45:11
    unsuccessful at negotiating this stage
  • 00:45:15
    this fifth
  • 00:45:16
    stage they they end up being confused
  • 00:45:20
    about their identity their role in life
  • 00:45:22
    their social functioning who they are
  • 00:45:25
    and what to expect of themselves and of
  • 00:45:28
    others
  • 00:45:30
    narcissist uh fail this stage as well
  • 00:45:34
    borderlines fail this stage and usually
  • 00:45:37
    get stuck in it but narcissist progress
  • 00:45:40
    to Stage six narcissism is a failure of
  • 00:45:44
    all eight
  • 00:45:45
    stages borderline is a failure of the
  • 00:45:48
    first five
  • 00:45:49
    stages that's why grin suggested that
  • 00:45:53
    borderline is a failed narcissist not
  • 00:45:55
    non-graduating
  • 00:45:57
    narcissist someone who is about to
  • 00:45:59
    become a narcissist and stopped dead in
  • 00:46:02
    its tracks in the identity confusion
  • 00:46:06
    stage five
  • 00:46:08
    phase The Narcissist progresses to Stage
  • 00:46:11
    six which is intimacy versus isolation
  • 00:46:14
    and this usually happens in late
  • 00:46:16
    adolescence and early adulthood young
  • 00:46:19
    adulthood uh probably up to age 25 or
  • 00:46:23
    maybe today nowadays 2
  • 00:46:26
    728 it involves flirting it involves
  • 00:46:30
    first experimentation with sex courtship
  • 00:46:33
    early family life and so on and it lost
  • 00:46:35
    all the way to middle age and during
  • 00:46:38
    this period individuals learn to share
  • 00:46:43
    to care to be vulnerable with each other
  • 00:46:47
    without the fear of being invaded taken
  • 00:46:51
    over engulfed losing themselves so the
  • 00:46:57
    boundaries acquired during the first two
  • 00:46:59
    or three stages protect the individual
  • 00:47:02
    allow the individual to open up to
  • 00:47:05
    another person without fear or
  • 00:47:09
    trepidation and this of course is a good
  • 00:47:12
    definition of intimacy The Narcissist
  • 00:47:15
    fails this it's narcist fails the six
  • 00:47:19
    phase because a naris has failed in the
  • 00:47:22
    previous five he doesn't trust anyone he
  • 00:47:26
    he is not separated from his parental
  • 00:47:28
    figures he is not an individual he has
  • 00:47:31
    no identity he's a mess is AB an
  • 00:47:34
    absolute mess and
  • 00:47:39
    so he fails he fails to create intimacy
  • 00:47:43
    because he cannot offer him himself
  • 00:47:46
    there's no self there he cannot offer
  • 00:47:49
    himself on the one hand and on the other
  • 00:47:50
    hand he doesn't trust
  • 00:47:53
    anyone to not hurt him he is learn to
  • 00:47:56
    associate love with
  • 00:47:59
    pain love with hurt love with
  • 00:48:03
    performance and success with
  • 00:48:06
    failure those were his thwarted
  • 00:48:09
    distorted sick lessons from the previous
  • 00:48:13
    five
  • 00:48:14
    stages so he feels alone and isolated
  • 00:48:18
    all the time narcissist feel alone and
  • 00:48:21
    isolated all the time of course being
  • 00:48:23
    narcissist they incorporate their
  • 00:48:26
    loneliness and isolation into the
  • 00:48:28
    cognitive distortion known as
  • 00:48:31
    grandiosity they brag about being
  • 00:48:34
    self-sufficient they don't need anyone
  • 00:48:37
    see if I care in your face they def the
  • 00:48:41
    consum they are you know they don't they
  • 00:48:45
    they are totally independent autonomous
  • 00:48:49
    this is a form of counter dependency of
  • 00:48:52
    course
  • 00:48:54
    so the narcis is having failed stage six
  • 00:48:59
    unable to create true intimacy unable to
  • 00:49:03
    commit in long-term
  • 00:49:05
    relationships and even if he is in a
  • 00:49:07
    long-term relationship he's not there
  • 00:49:09
    he's absent because there's nobody there
  • 00:49:12
    it's an emptiness an absence pretending
  • 00:49:14
    to be a
  • 00:49:15
    presence so this whole thing
  • 00:49:19
    fails and narcissist feel infinitely and
  • 00:49:24
    existentially alone all the
  • 00:49:28
    time the development of a cohesive
  • 00:49:30
    identity in the previous stage in stage
  • 00:49:32
    five provides the opportunity to achieve
  • 00:49:35
    true intimacy but the development of
  • 00:49:38
    identity diffusion makes it harder if
  • 00:49:41
    not impossible to achieve a positive
  • 00:49:44
    outcome in stage six intimacy versus
  • 00:49:50
    isolation having graduated stage
  • 00:49:53
    six the narcissist is
  • 00:49:57
    a person who doesn't trust anyone
  • 00:49:59
    regards the world as hostile feels
  • 00:50:02
    completely alone is confused about his
  • 00:50:05
    or her
  • 00:50:07
    identity constantly experiments with all
  • 00:50:10
    kinds of things that lead nowhere
  • 00:50:12
    constantly fails is not
  • 00:50:15
    self-efficacious and don't confuse
  • 00:50:18
    self-efficacy with accomplishments you
  • 00:50:21
    could be a multi-billionaire you could
  • 00:50:24
    be a president of of a country and still
  • 00:50:27
    be a mega
  • 00:50:29
    failure
  • 00:50:31
    failure or success are not defined by
  • 00:50:34
    what you
  • 00:50:35
    possess or how high you
  • 00:50:38
    climb failure and success are defined by
  • 00:50:44
    integration inner
  • 00:50:46
    peace capacity to live with yourself
  • 00:50:49
    comfortably to not be
  • 00:50:52
    constantly uh enslaved by your negative
  • 00:50:55
    fects your envy your hatred your anger
  • 00:50:58
    that is a definition of success and in
  • 00:51:00
    this sense all narcissists never mind
  • 00:51:03
    how accomplished our
  • 00:51:06
    failures their failures and maybe the
  • 00:51:09
    number one failure is the narcissist
  • 00:51:12
    inability to engage in and experience
  • 00:51:17
    intimacy and
  • 00:51:19
    love what is a life lived without ever
  • 00:51:24
    having felt love
  • 00:51:26
    is this alive I don't think so so it's
  • 00:51:30
    an extended
  • 00:51:34
    prison the seventh stage in Ericson's
  • 00:51:38
    eight stages of psychosocial development
  • 00:51:41
    is known as generativity versus
  • 00:51:44
    stagnation generativity is the positive
  • 00:51:47
    goal in around middle midadulthood
  • 00:51:51
    let's say 40 to to
  • 00:51:55
    60 it's a positive goal interpreted in
  • 00:51:59
    terms not only of procreation having
  • 00:52:02
    children but also of creativity so you
  • 00:52:05
    could be childless but creative and you
  • 00:52:07
    don't need to be creative and win the
  • 00:52:09
    Nobel Prize creativity could be any any
  • 00:52:12
    kind of
  • 00:52:13
    thing uh and so
  • 00:52:17
    just regenerating renewing
  • 00:52:21
    yourself refurbishing nurturing yourself
  • 00:52:25
    is is known as gen
  • 00:52:28
    generativity
  • 00:52:29
    and
  • 00:52:31
    sometimes this can this is done via
  • 00:52:34
    parental and social responsibilities
  • 00:52:36
    towards the Next Generation that's one
  • 00:52:39
    way of of to obtain generativity it's
  • 00:52:43
    one way to regenerate yourself to to
  • 00:52:45
    revive or resuscitate yourself somehow
  • 00:52:48
    it's one way but there are many others
  • 00:52:50
    you write a book it's the same you
  • 00:52:52
    sculpt you you you do art you you
  • 00:52:56
    collect things you you help your
  • 00:52:59
    neighbors your your you volunteer any of
  • 00:53:04
    these things is a form of creativity
  • 00:53:07
    because it
  • 00:53:08
    involves taking your life as ra material
  • 00:53:12
    and then shaping it shaping it into
  • 00:53:14
    something
  • 00:53:16
    recognizable and something that makes
  • 00:53:18
    you feel good with yourself and makes
  • 00:53:21
    others feel good with you so again
  • 00:53:26
    typically this is done
  • 00:53:28
    via VIA procreation having having
  • 00:53:31
    children but not always increasingly
  • 00:53:34
    less so in today's
  • 00:53:38
    world
  • 00:53:40
    so if you don't do any of these things
  • 00:53:44
    if you don't create anything if you just
  • 00:53:47
    if you if you just go through the
  • 00:53:49
    motions you you robotically go through
  • 00:53:53
    life you have stifling routines that
  • 00:53:55
    never change or never lead anywhere
  • 00:53:58
    they're maintenance
  • 00:53:59
    routines and this is how you you waste
  • 00:54:02
    your
  • 00:54:03
    life this is stagnation this is
  • 00:54:05
    self-absorption and this is fear of
  • 00:54:09
    reality it's a form of constricted
  • 00:54:12
    Fantasy
  • 00:54:14
    Defense if I just
  • 00:54:17
    freeze play dead constrict my life avoid
  • 00:54:22
    others avoid reality avoid sh Alles
  • 00:54:25
    avoid risks avoid dangers I'll be okay
  • 00:54:29
    but of course by the time you avoid all
  • 00:54:32
    these things you've avoided all these
  • 00:54:33
    things you're not alive anymore by any
  • 00:54:35
    definition of this
  • 00:54:37
    word
  • 00:54:39
    so either you're generative or you're
  • 00:54:42
    mentally
  • 00:54:43
    dead
  • 00:54:46
    stagnated so
  • 00:54:48
    self-absorbed that it's as if you've
  • 00:54:50
    been swallowed by your own black hole
  • 00:54:53
    and this is the condition of the
  • 00:54:54
    narcissist
  • 00:54:56
    and again creativity is not
  • 00:54:58
    external a narcissist could be a
  • 00:55:00
    best-selling author an amazing director
  • 00:55:03
    of films an artist of world renown and
  • 00:55:08
    yet and yet be stag
  • 00:55:12
    native yet be
  • 00:55:15
    self-absorbed creativity is not measured
  • 00:55:18
    by output it's not an industrial process
  • 00:55:20
    it's not a manufacturing process
  • 00:55:23
    creativity is the ability
  • 00:55:25
    to bring together desperate elements
  • 00:55:28
    from within yourself in new ways to put
  • 00:55:33
    yourself together to reassemble yourself
  • 00:55:36
    without sacrificing your core identity
  • 00:55:39
    in ways which yield new products new
  • 00:55:43
    outcomes
  • 00:55:45
    surprises new ways to interact with
  • 00:55:48
    people and new ways to accommodate
  • 00:55:50
    yourself in your environment and obtain
  • 00:55:53
    favorable outcomes so
  • 00:55:56
    creativity is about
  • 00:55:59
    Reinventing Your Capacity to fit in not
  • 00:56:04
    in the conformist shiple sense but to
  • 00:56:06
    fit in uh in a way that would gratify
  • 00:56:10
    your wishes and needs to realize your
  • 00:56:13
    dreams muslo called it
  • 00:56:17
    self-actualization narcissist never ever
  • 00:56:20
    reached this stage not even remotely a
  • 00:56:22
    narcissist who is a best-selling author
  • 00:56:25
    is likely to deteriorate and degenerate
  • 00:56:28
    into formulaic writing for example
  • 00:56:32
    that's his way that will be his way of
  • 00:56:35
    stagnating through in a process that
  • 00:56:38
    appears to be creative but is
  • 00:56:41
    not everything with narcissist is about
  • 00:56:45
    appearances and when you're focused on
  • 00:56:47
    appearance and not on substance when
  • 00:56:50
    you're focused on spectacle and not on
  • 00:56:53
    essence you can never be generative
  • 00:56:57
    never you stagnate like so much
  • 00:57:01
    quicksand or
  • 00:57:02
    swamp and then you die and in this Final
  • 00:57:06
    Phase the eighth stage and the last one
  • 00:57:09
    final one of Ericson's eight stages of
  • 00:57:12
    psychosocial development there is a
  • 00:57:14
    battle between integrity and despair
  • 00:57:18
    this happens in old age my
  • 00:57:21
    age in this stage the individual refle s
  • 00:57:26
    on the life they have lived and they may
  • 00:57:28
    develop as a reaction either a sense of
  • 00:57:32
    Integrity sense of satisfaction in the
  • 00:57:35
    way they have lived a good life to use
  • 00:57:41
    an Athenian fifth century phrase having
  • 00:57:44
    lived a good
  • 00:57:46
    life with a Mania and the ability to
  • 00:57:49
    approach death with Equanimity because I
  • 00:57:53
    made the best of my my life I've lived
  • 00:57:55
    it to the
  • 00:57:57
    full
  • 00:57:59
    so this is a an Integrity response to
  • 00:58:04
    soul searching an Integrity response to
  • 00:58:07
    taking stock and account of the life you
  • 00:58:10
    have lived is to say I have lived life
  • 00:58:15
    the best way I could I never compromised
  • 00:58:19
    I never sacrificed myself I never harmed
  • 00:58:21
    myself I never destroyed or defeated or
  • 00:58:24
    trashed myself myself I've been there
  • 00:58:26
    for myself I self- loved but have never
  • 00:58:29
    been
  • 00:58:30
    narcissistic I knew
  • 00:58:33
    myself I accepted my limitations and I
  • 00:58:38
    leveraged my
  • 00:58:39
    strength and I did the best with the
  • 00:58:42
    cards that have been dealt and so now
  • 00:58:45
    I'm ready to
  • 00:58:47
    die I have no problem with that I don't
  • 00:58:50
    feel that I've missed something this is
  • 00:58:52
    the Integrity response narcissist
  • 00:58:55
    approaches death with
  • 00:58:58
    despair with a feeling of bitterness
  • 00:59:00
    about opportunities missed time
  • 00:59:03
    wasted a dread of the approaching
  • 00:59:08
    end because it's an end to potentials
  • 00:59:13
    that have never been realized the
  • 00:59:16
    narcissist never
  • 00:59:18
    becomes the
  • 00:59:20
    narcissist always a thwarted
  • 00:59:25
    suppressed
  • 00:59:26
    potential and it's a horrible
  • 00:59:29
    feeling mourning and grieving what you
  • 00:59:32
    could have
  • 00:59:33
    been and will never ever be because you
  • 00:59:37
    don't have the basic tools to
  • 00:59:43
    become
Tags
  • ego
  • narcissisme
  • psychopathie
  • Erik Erikson
  • développement psychosocial
  • identité
  • parentalité
  • psychologie
  • stades de développement
  • intimité