What I learned about Men, Love and Loneliness while being sex trafficked.

00:18:05
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfBso0Y4ETI

Résumé

TLDRIn this video, a trafficking survivor shares her experiences and reflections on the complexities of the men she encountered during her time in the industry. She highlights how, while many men were seeking connection and understanding, others were caught in cycles of addiction and emotional detachment. The speaker discusses the challenges of true intimacy in a world increasingly influenced by technology, particularly the emergence of AI companions. Central to her message is the importance of self-love, healing from past trauma, and seeking genuine relationships in a society that often commodifies human connections. Through her story, she urges understanding and compassion for both individuals and their struggles, advocating for a more empathetic approach to relationships as we move forward into the future.

A retenir

  • 🧠 We are our own harshest critics.
  • 🤝 Understanding men can reveal their loneliness and struggles.
  • 💔 Many seek connection, not just physical intimacy.
  • 🤖 AI companions can give a false sense of love and connection.
  • 📉 Relationships are becoming increasingly commodified.
  • 💡 Real healing starts with self-acceptance and self-love.
  • 🔍 Each person's background shapes their actions.
  • 💔 Acknowledging the pain of others is essential for healing.
  • 🗣️ Open conversations about relationships are necessary.
  • 🌱 Healing and understanding can break cycles of hurt.

Chronologie

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker reflects on her past experiences with trafficking, emphasizing her self-judgment and acknowledging the complexity of her trauma. She expresses the hope that by sharing her perspective, she can provide insight into the humanity of the men involved, many of whom were unaware of her situation and were themselves struggling with their own issues of loneliness and connection.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    She highlights that not all men fit into a singular narrative; some were dealing with addiction, while others sought genuine companionship. She describes encounters with men who were unhappy in their marriages, expressing shame and guilt for being part of their struggles. She points out the sad phenomenon of men turning to AI or superficial connections as a means to avoid the risk of real intimacy, elaborating on the deeper implications of this behavior.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:18:05

    The speaker concludes with a call for understanding and healing, emphasizing the cyclical nature of trauma in relationships and the importance of self-love. She stresses that the root of these issues lies in viewing each other as disposable and advocates for nurturing genuine connections as a pathway to healing and change for both individuals and society.

Carte mentale

Vidéo Q&R

  • What is the video about?

    It's a personal reflection of a trafficking survivor discussing her experiences and insights on relationships.

  • What trauma did the speaker experience?

    The speaker was trafficked at a young age and discusses her understanding of that experience over time.

  • What insights does the speaker share about men?

    She reflects on loneliness, the search for connection, and how some men sought comfort rather than solely lust.

  • How does the speaker relate AI and modern relationships?

    The speaker discusses how AI companions might offer an illusion of love while humans struggle with real intimacy.

  • What is the speaker's message about healing?

    She emphasizes the importance of self-love and finding safe, nurturing relationships.

  • What does the speaker wish for in the new year?

    She hopes for healing and peace for everyone in the new year.

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Sous-titres
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Défilement automatique:
  • 00:00:01
    I really want to make this clear before
  • 00:00:03
    I do this video I have judged myself
  • 00:00:05
    harder than anybody else any of you
  • 00:00:08
    people in the comment section that might
  • 00:00:10
    say whatever can judge me I have I have
  • 00:00:13
    been my most harsh critic there's
  • 00:00:16
    nothing that anybody can say that I
  • 00:00:18
    haven't said to myself there's nothing
  • 00:00:20
    that anybody could say that I haven't
  • 00:00:21
    thought even when it comes to just the
  • 00:00:25
    most brutal things in reality we are our
  • 00:00:29
    own we are Our Own Worst Enemy sometimes
  • 00:00:33
    and our own worst
  • 00:00:34
    judge judger and this is this is a video
  • 00:00:39
    I really feel like I need to do um
  • 00:00:42
    because a lot of people who have been in
  • 00:00:43
    this industry or who have been
  • 00:00:45
    trafficked uh which I was trafficked
  • 00:00:48
    when I was just about to turn 19 so a
  • 00:00:53
    lot of people want to talk about the
  • 00:00:54
    trauma side of it and I totally respect
  • 00:00:57
    that but I want to talk about what I
  • 00:00:58
    learned from Men
  • 00:01:00
    I learned a lot and actually I I learned
  • 00:01:05
    a
  • 00:01:06
    lot um and not all bad I just want to
  • 00:01:11
    make that
  • 00:01:13
    clear my perspective is very different
  • 00:01:16
    than I think some other people's I am
  • 00:01:18
    not saying that I want to make this
  • 00:01:21
    clear real quick that um almost every
  • 00:01:25
    single one of those men had no clue that
  • 00:01:27
    I was being trafficked that there was
  • 00:01:29
    was a pimp or somebody helping to like
  • 00:01:33
    you know there was somebody else behind
  • 00:01:36
    the scene they had no clue that some of
  • 00:01:40
    the things that were being posted it was
  • 00:01:41
    actually a guy putting all that stuff on
  • 00:01:43
    there they had no clue um so I just want
  • 00:01:46
    to make that clear before I do this this
  • 00:01:49
    is not a normal video that I have seen
  • 00:01:53
    um so I thought it's something that I've
  • 00:01:56
    really been trying to like grasp at for
  • 00:01:59
    a really long time for many years I've
  • 00:02:01
    been out of this for 7 years and got out
  • 00:02:04
    7 years ago so I want to start by just
  • 00:02:10
    just putting that out there you know I
  • 00:02:13
    feel very nervous my heart is racing my
  • 00:02:15
    heart is pounding right now and I feel
  • 00:02:17
    nervous talking about this and I hope
  • 00:02:19
    that people understand where I'm coming
  • 00:02:20
    from I'm not trying to judge any anybody
  • 00:02:23
    here I'm just trying
  • 00:02:25
    to express my perception um so there's a
  • 00:02:29
    quote that I often think about and it's
  • 00:02:31
    life will break you nobody can protect
  • 00:02:33
    you from that and living alone won't
  • 00:02:35
    either for Solitude will also break you
  • 00:02:39
    with its yearning but you have to love
  • 00:02:42
    you have to feel it is the reason you
  • 00:02:44
    are on the earth on this
  • 00:02:46
    Earth so I didn't choose to be
  • 00:02:48
    trafficked and for a long time I thought
  • 00:02:50
    the only thing um I take from that
  • 00:02:54
    experience was going to be pain but over
  • 00:02:57
    time I realized that
  • 00:03:00
    I I learned more than just the trauma
  • 00:03:02
    part of it I learned about people I
  • 00:03:04
    learned a lot about men and women and
  • 00:03:07
    myself
  • 00:03:09
    um how we all search for connection even
  • 00:03:13
    when we don't know how I don't excuse
  • 00:03:17
    what happened to me but I can't pretend
  • 00:03:19
    I didn't see the men who paid to see me
  • 00:03:22
    now to pay who paid to see me not just
  • 00:03:25
    for what they did um but for who they
  • 00:03:28
    were
  • 00:03:29
    some were broken some were grieving some
  • 00:03:32
    just wanted somebody to lay next to to
  • 00:03:34
    feel human again and for reasons I'm
  • 00:03:37
    still figuring out I I've wanted to
  • 00:03:40
    understand them I want to understand
  • 00:03:43
    everything I'm the type of person that
  • 00:03:45
    questions everything why why why do
  • 00:03:47
    people do this why you know I'm very
  • 00:03:49
    fascinated by people including my own
  • 00:03:52
    decisions but especially others um I
  • 00:03:56
    remember one there's there was one guy
  • 00:03:58
    whose wife passed away and he really he
  • 00:04:01
    didn't even want sex for me um he really
  • 00:04:04
    just wanted somebody to watch a movie
  • 00:04:08
    with to lay with to talk or to be in
  • 00:04:12
    silence um while he remembered what it
  • 00:04:15
    felt like to be close to
  • 00:04:17
    someone I it it reminded me of the movie
  • 00:04:21
    Her where walking Phoenix falls in love
  • 00:04:23
    with an AI not because he's desperate
  • 00:04:26
    but because he's lonely because even
  • 00:04:28
    though the connection is isn't real it
  • 00:04:31
    feels real
  • 00:04:32
    enough that's the part I think most
  • 00:04:35
    people don't understand is that for some
  • 00:04:37
    men this wasn't just like about lust it
  • 00:04:39
    was about escaping the silence and
  • 00:04:42
    trying to find somebody that can maybe
  • 00:04:47
    give you comfort and trying to find the
  • 00:04:49
    warmth in places that left them colder
  • 00:04:52
    than before and that's not something
  • 00:04:54
    that normally we can find with Society
  • 00:04:56
    nowadays by just going out you know
  • 00:05:00
    um sometimes you can but I don't know
  • 00:05:03
    people are different I'm not here to
  • 00:05:05
    judge but I'm not really here to judge
  • 00:05:08
    um not every man I met was like that
  • 00:05:11
    though some were addicts not to
  • 00:05:15
    substances or alcohol but to the chase
  • 00:05:19
    the high of the
  • 00:05:21
    transaction I wasn't a person to them I
  • 00:05:23
    was just part of a loop it felt like
  • 00:05:26
    shame the movie where um Michael Fence F
  • 00:05:30
    fos Benders character can't stop seeking
  • 00:05:33
    out sex even when it leaves him feeling
  • 00:05:37
    emptier each time that kind of addiction
  • 00:05:41
    it doesn't care about faces it only
  • 00:05:44
    cares about the
  • 00:05:45
    cycle um I also I saw and I saw it men
  • 00:05:50
    who thought that they were in control
  • 00:05:52
    but they were drowning in it coming back
  • 00:05:55
    again and again hoping it would fill
  • 00:05:56
    something inside of them that just kept
  • 00:05:58
    growing uh they they became addicted to
  • 00:06:01
    that lifestyle is weird um but it
  • 00:06:04
    happens um then there were the ones who
  • 00:06:07
    didn't belong
  • 00:06:09
    there attractive Charming the kind of
  • 00:06:11
    man that you would think could pick up
  • 00:06:12
    any girl in a bar the one that you were
  • 00:06:15
    just like why are you here why are you
  • 00:06:18
    paying me and the craziest thing is one
  • 00:06:21
    guy I'll never forget I asked him and he
  • 00:06:23
    just said that he's tired of the games
  • 00:06:26
    he was tired of going out on and taking
  • 00:06:28
    women out on dates and spending $200 on
  • 00:06:32
    food and drinks and just to be ghosted
  • 00:06:35
    or to find out that the girl had a
  • 00:06:37
    boyfriend or to find out you know
  • 00:06:39
    there's all these games involved he just
  • 00:06:41
    got sick and tired of it he became he
  • 00:06:44
    became better for sure and he was just
  • 00:06:47
    like I'd rather just pay for what I want
  • 00:06:49
    at that point like I would just pay and
  • 00:06:52
    I could see like that he became better
  • 00:06:54
    um it felt like what is love and the
  • 00:06:56
    film men stopped trying to connect
  • 00:06:58
    because they feel used tired of
  • 00:07:00
    rejection and instead of uh risking real
  • 00:07:04
    intimacy again they pay for something
  • 00:07:06
    simple even if it's
  • 00:07:09
    Hollow but the most unsettling part of
  • 00:07:12
    was the men who didn't want people at
  • 00:07:15
    all I've seen it now men choosing AI
  • 00:07:18
    girlfriends virtual companions because
  • 00:07:20
    they don't disappoint they're programmed
  • 00:07:22
    to love you back it reminds me of Blade
  • 00:07:24
    Runner 20
  • 00:07:26
    2049 the main character has an a
  • 00:07:29
    girlfriend she says everything he needs
  • 00:07:31
    to hear she's perfect but she's not real
  • 00:07:33
    and that's the problem that's where
  • 00:07:34
    we're heading real intimacy is it's too
  • 00:07:37
    risky um we so we build something
  • 00:07:41
    artificial and call it love and it works
  • 00:07:43
    until you realize you're even lonelier
  • 00:07:45
    than before because people have a hard
  • 00:07:47
    time now being transparent because we've
  • 00:07:49
    all been hurt right we've all been hurt
  • 00:07:53
    some men don't want intimacy they want
  • 00:07:55
    control I wasn't a person to some of
  • 00:07:57
    them I was something to conquer um it
  • 00:08:00
    felt like ex machina where men build AI
  • 00:08:03
    women not to love them but to own them
  • 00:08:05
    to manipulate to discard them when they
  • 00:08:07
    stop playing along
  • 00:08:10
    um this is the part that really
  • 00:08:12
    terrifies me though is it's not just
  • 00:08:14
    trafficking anymore it's not just men
  • 00:08:17
    pain for women we've stepped into
  • 00:08:18
    something
  • 00:08:19
    darker um for me what I learned about
  • 00:08:23
    men was there's a different variety of
  • 00:08:26
    men but honestly most of them were
  • 00:08:30
    lonely were
  • 00:08:32
    bitter
  • 00:08:34
    um were
  • 00:08:36
    um had a hard time finding something
  • 00:08:41
    meaningful and uh Andor I think they
  • 00:08:44
    became addicted to the whole cycle that
  • 00:08:48
    was the majority of it
  • 00:08:51
    um the ones who were grieving or
  • 00:08:54
    whatever um that was that was different
  • 00:08:57
    there were men this this is this is the
  • 00:09:00
    part that I feel like the most
  • 00:09:03
    embarrassed about and ashamed and I
  • 00:09:06
    don't think I have forgiven myself
  • 00:09:08
    eventually when I would find out that
  • 00:09:10
    men were
  • 00:09:11
    married it was horrible and um I felt
  • 00:09:15
    horrible I was I was I would try to talk
  • 00:09:18
    to them about it and ask them questions
  • 00:09:19
    like questions I shouldn't even be
  • 00:09:21
    asking to try to like figure out how
  • 00:09:24
    could I help their marriage and what
  • 00:09:26
    could I give any advice and I remember
  • 00:09:29
    asking this uh doctor and I was like
  • 00:09:32
    where does your wife think you are right
  • 00:09:34
    now and he said oh on lunch
  • 00:09:36
    break
  • 00:09:38
    and even just saying that
  • 00:09:42
    now I remember that day the pit of my
  • 00:09:46
    stomach it
  • 00:09:47
    just I was a part of the
  • 00:09:51
    problem the people behind me were a part
  • 00:09:53
    of the
  • 00:09:54
    problem and I feel so
  • 00:09:57
    sorry I feel so bad for those women I
  • 00:10:01
    feel so much guilt and
  • 00:10:03
    pain and honestly I don't understand
  • 00:10:06
    those men I'm just going to be honest
  • 00:10:08
    I'm I don't really understand
  • 00:10:10
    that if it's not working and you have to
  • 00:10:13
    go and betray somebody and go behind
  • 00:10:14
    their back and pay somebody and you
  • 00:10:17
    don't
  • 00:10:18
    know you might as well just you might as
  • 00:10:21
    well leave the relationship the
  • 00:10:23
    marriage um but again that's not for me
  • 00:10:27
    to force people
  • 00:10:30
    that that that was one of the
  • 00:10:33
    worst I would say the other worst thing
  • 00:10:36
    was um
  • 00:10:38
    being traffic to
  • 00:10:42
    um
  • 00:10:43
    drugs
  • 00:10:47
    dealers
  • 00:10:50
    yeah yeah
  • 00:11:00
    I hear it from guys I know I hear this
  • 00:11:03
    from friends from guys I used to date or
  • 00:11:06
    my partner now that we are together um
  • 00:11:09
    how only fans is safer than dating how
  • 00:11:13
    AI girlfriends never reject you I've
  • 00:11:15
    watched Men lose themselves to Corn
  • 00:11:18
    because it feels easier than facing real
  • 00:11:20
    people and women we're doing the same
  • 00:11:23
    thing women are just as bad I mean we're
  • 00:11:28
    ghosting for sport using men for
  • 00:11:31
    attention we don't even care about but
  • 00:11:34
    now it's not just us hurting each other
  • 00:11:37
    it's machines AI girlfriends are already
  • 00:11:39
    here I've seen the ads she listens to
  • 00:11:42
    you she won't cheat on you and people
  • 00:11:43
    think it's funny and they laugh but I
  • 00:11:45
    don't think it is um because the truth
  • 00:11:48
    is humans are parasites to each other we
  • 00:11:51
    drain each other we use each other we
  • 00:11:52
    traumatize each other but here's the
  • 00:11:55
    part that stings who builds the AI
  • 00:11:58
    girlfriend friends who creates the corn
  • 00:12:02
    who feels trafficking it's not robots
  • 00:12:05
    it's humans so when humans are trying to
  • 00:12:08
    say hey don't worry this robot isn't
  • 00:12:12
    going to hurt you who who's who's the
  • 00:12:15
    creator of it a
  • 00:12:17
    human we create the very thing that
  • 00:12:19
    destroys us we we hurt each other then
  • 00:12:23
    we turn around and design something
  • 00:12:25
    worse to replace the connection that
  • 00:12:27
    we've ruined and it feels like a cycle
  • 00:12:30
    that is never ending AI girlfriends are
  • 00:12:32
    just the beginning what happens when
  • 00:12:34
    robots replace intimacy altogether what
  • 00:12:36
    happens when corn isn't just on screen
  • 00:12:39
    but something we can feel live in Escape
  • 00:12:41
    to at some point we won't need each
  • 00:12:44
    other at all and honestly that really
  • 00:12:47
    scares me I don't know if that scares
  • 00:12:50
    you but when I think about this and I
  • 00:12:53
    think about everything that I've learned
  • 00:12:54
    from men and what I see around me I feel
  • 00:12:59
    like I'm holding bricks in my hands
  • 00:13:02
    like I'm so terrified for our the future
  • 00:13:06
    generation we are just in a cycle of
  • 00:13:09
    Destruction when it comes to
  • 00:13:10
    relationships I think about it a lot how
  • 00:13:13
    how we ruin each other and call it
  • 00:13:14
    normal and it's hard to say this but
  • 00:13:17
    after everything I've seen I don't know
  • 00:13:19
    if we can
  • 00:13:20
    stop we destroy each other for money for
  • 00:13:23
    attention for control and now we're
  • 00:13:25
    building things to destroy the little
  • 00:13:27
    intimacy we have left the the scariest
  • 00:13:29
    part we won't even realize how far that
  • 00:13:32
    we've gone until there's nothing human
  • 00:13:34
    left to
  • 00:13:36
    save I don't have the
  • 00:13:39
    answers I'm just someone who's been
  • 00:13:42
    hurt trying to understand why we keep
  • 00:13:45
    hurting each
  • 00:13:46
    other why you know my own choices my own
  • 00:13:50
    decisions or even my own decisions that
  • 00:13:52
    were not really mind to make um but
  • 00:13:56
    there's one thing I know it's this if we
  • 00:13:59
    don't stop seeing each other as
  • 00:14:01
    disposable we'll build a world where
  • 00:14:04
    none of us
  • 00:14:06
    matter because at the end of the day we
  • 00:14:09
    can't blame the
  • 00:14:11
    robots we can't blame only fans we can't
  • 00:14:15
    blame corn we can't
  • 00:14:18
    blame trafficking we can't blame
  • 00:14:24
    escorts we build them we we keep all of
  • 00:14:28
    this stuff going
  • 00:14:30
    going
  • 00:14:31
    when it's a cycle that we have to be
  • 00:14:34
    able to close and to
  • 00:14:36
    stop and how I don't know maybe having
  • 00:14:40
    this type of conversation like I've said
  • 00:14:43
    in a past video I did not go through all
  • 00:14:46
    of that for
  • 00:14:53
    nothing and I'm trying to figure
  • 00:14:57
    out what can I can I do with all that
  • 00:15:01
    pain what can I do
  • 00:15:02
    with the self- Betrayal most of all the
  • 00:15:05
    Betrayal of my own
  • 00:15:07
    self wasn't just others it was me but I
  • 00:15:10
    betrayed my own self you know I allowed
  • 00:15:13
    people to do things to me I didn't
  • 00:15:16
    protect myself I look back I have
  • 00:15:18
    flashbacks and I think about oh I just
  • 00:15:21
    want to grab myself myself like 10 years
  • 00:15:24
    ago and just wrap that girl up and say
  • 00:15:28
    you're going to be okay like I got you
  • 00:15:31
    I'm going to get you out of this you're
  • 00:15:33
    going to be
  • 00:15:38
    okay for any man that is watching this
  • 00:15:41
    some of you I understand some of you I
  • 00:15:43
    don't understand and that's okay I know
  • 00:15:46
    some of you don't understand women and
  • 00:15:48
    that's okay but this isn't a competition
  • 00:15:51
    of who's worse than the other we have
  • 00:15:53
    all been screwed over I've been cheated
  • 00:15:55
    on I've been lied to I've I've been
  • 00:15:57
    screwed over just like many men
  • 00:16:00
    have I've been
  • 00:16:04
    ghosted and this isn't a
  • 00:16:06
    competition we have all been hurt we
  • 00:16:09
    hurt each
  • 00:16:10
    other so how do we heal each
  • 00:16:14
    other I would say what I
  • 00:16:18
    learned I went to
  • 00:16:22
    counseling tried to work through all
  • 00:16:24
    that
  • 00:16:26
    trauma and
  • 00:16:29
    I guess sometimes it takes time
  • 00:16:32
    but building a relationship with
  • 00:16:34
    somebody
  • 00:16:36
    that feels safe and feels close to
  • 00:16:39
    home and also taking time to be single
  • 00:16:45
    to love myself and to be my own best
  • 00:16:48
    friend because I'm you you are going to
  • 00:16:53
    be the best friend no one else will so
  • 00:16:56
    if I could give anybody advice I know
  • 00:16:59
    how it feels to be screwed over by
  • 00:17:02
    people that you
  • 00:17:03
    trusted and you look at them and you're
  • 00:17:05
    like I thought I knew who you
  • 00:17:07
    were I never thought you would do
  • 00:17:09
    something like this to me I know how
  • 00:17:11
    that
  • 00:17:13
    feels and I've been the villain in this
  • 00:17:16
    too
  • 00:17:18
    so it's all about like
  • 00:17:20
    healing those inner parts of
  • 00:17:25
    ourselves that need healing and
  • 00:17:27
    nurturing ourselves
  • 00:17:30
    I think that's where it really
  • 00:17:33
    starts thank you for listening to this
  • 00:17:37
    video I hope that this
  • 00:17:40
    helps and happy New Year to
  • 00:17:44
    everybody I hope this new year brings a
  • 00:17:46
    lot of
  • 00:17:48
    people a lot of healing peace and
  • 00:17:53
    something new and that you end up
  • 00:17:56
    getting at least one goal of yours
  • 00:18:00
    done thank you Happy New Year
Tags
  • Trafficking
  • Self-reflection
  • Loneliness
  • AI and intimacy
  • Healing
  • Relationships
  • Human connection
  • Understanding men
  • Emotional trauma
  • Self-love