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have you ever found yourself saying yes
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then immediately wanted to punch
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yourself in the face today we're going
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to talk about something that's probably
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costing you thousands of hours of your
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life the inability to say no but here's
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what makes this interesting your problem
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isn't that you don't know how to say no
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your problem is that you feel like
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you're not allowed to say no think about
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your last reluctant yes that moment when
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your mouth said sure no problem but your
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brain was screaming what are you doing
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that's not a communication issue that's
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a permission issue in the next few
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minutes I'm going to show you why saying
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no isn't just okay it's essential and
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you'll learn how to do it without
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feeling like you're letting everyone
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down but first let's talk about what
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saying yes to everything is really
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costing you chapter one The Hidden cost
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let me share something fascinating about
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your brain every time you force yourself
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to say yes when you want to say no
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you're actually spending two different
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resources the first is obvious your time
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but the second is something scientists
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call emotional
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bandwidth here's what that means in real
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life when you reluctantly agree to help
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your coworker with their project you're
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not just giving up those two hours
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you're also spending mental energy on
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dreading it resenting it and probably
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complaining about it to anyone who will
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listen think about that for a moment
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you're not just losing the time you're
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losing the mental peace before it during
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it and sometimes even after it but
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here's where it gets really interesting
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your brain actually keeps a running tab
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of these reluctant yeses and just like a
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credit card bill eventually that tab
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comes due the payment burnout resentment
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and the slow erosion of your
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relationships this is why learning to
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say no isn't just about time management
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it's about self-preservation in the next
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chapter I'll show you why even the most
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successful people you know struggled
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with this and what finally changed
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everything for them Chapter two The
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permission Paradox here's something that
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might surprise you the more successful
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someone becomes the the more they say no
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but here's the twist they didn't become
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successful and then start saying no they
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became successful because they learned
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to say no think about the most respected
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person you know I bet they don't say yes
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to everything in fact I bet they're
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known for being selective with their
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time this is what I call the permission
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Paradox the more you say no the more
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people respect your yes chapter 3 the
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technique now let's get to the part
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you've been waiting for the exact method
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for saying no that feels good for both
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you and the person asking I call this
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the bridge method because it doesn't
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burn connections it strengthens them
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here's how it works instead of starting
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with no you start with understanding
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when someone makes a request you respond
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with three parts first acknowledgement I
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appreciate you thinking of me for this
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second your reality right now I'm
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focused on insert your priority third
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the door
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but I'd be happy to insert smaller
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alternative future
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possibility let's see this in action
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imagine your friend asks you to help
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them move this weekend old you uh yeah
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sure internal screaming new you I really
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appreciate you thinking of me for this
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I've actually committed this weekend to
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finishing a project I'm behind on but
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I'd be happy to recommend a great Moving
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Service I used last year notice what
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happened there you respected their need
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while honoring your
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reality chapter 4 the guilt killer now
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let's address the elephant in the room
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the guilt every time you say yes when
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you want to say no you're actually being
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dishonest Twice first you're lying to
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yourself about your capacity and second
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you're lying to the other person about
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your
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enthusiasm think about that is it really
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kinder to say yes
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resentfully than to say no
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respectfully chapter 5 real world
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application let's take these principles
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into the trenches I'm going to show you
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exactly how to handle the four most
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challenging no situations situation one
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the boss's quick request when your
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manager drops by with just one small
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thing here's your template I want to
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give this the attention it deserves
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currently I'm focused on current
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priority which you assigned would you
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like me to pause that to work on this
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instead see what happened there you've
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transformed a yes no situation into a
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priority discussion situation two the
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family guilt trip but we always have
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Christmas dinner at our house here's how
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you handle it Mom I love our Christmas
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traditions they're one of my favorite
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parts of the Year this Christmas Sarah
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and I really need to split time between
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both families could we do Christmas Eve
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here instead I'll bring that apple pie
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you love chapter 6 the emergency
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protocol now here's where most people
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crash and burn the emergency request you
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know the one I know it's last minute but
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but I'm desperate here's your new
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Emergency Response Framework first the
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pause never respond to emergencies
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immediately second the question what
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would you do if I wasn't available third
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The Limited offer I can give you 15
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minutes to brainstorm Solutions but I
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can't take this on this approach keeps
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you helpful without becoming the
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solution chapter 7 the success
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accelerator every major success story
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has a hidden no list
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Steve Jobs didn't just make apple great
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by what he created he made it great by
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saying no to thousands of good ideas to
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focus on a few great ones but here's the
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part nobody talks about it's not just
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about saying no to bad opportunities
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it's about saying no to good ones this
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is what it's called the success filter
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if it's not a hell yes it's a no chapter
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8 the
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transformation now let's talk about what
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happens when you start implementing this
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week one you'll feel guilty that's
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normal your brain is breaking a lifetime
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habit week two you'll notice something
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strange people start respecting your
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time more week three the magic happens
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you'll find yourself with energy you
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didn't know you had and here's the best
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part the quality of your yeses will
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transform your
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life chapter n the new you we're near
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the end now but before you go I want you
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to understand something crucial
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saying no isn't about being unavailable
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it's about being intentionally available
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for what matters most your no is someone
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else's opportunity your boundaries are
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someone else's chance to grow and most
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importantly every time you say no to
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what doesn't serve you you're saying yes
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to what does starting today give
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yourself permission permission to say no
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permission to set boundaries permission
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to choose yourself because the world
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doesn't need another exhausted yes
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person
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it needs what only your best self can
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give one last thing I have a challenge
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for you in the next 24 hours you're
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going to get a request that you'd
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normally say yes to automatically when
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that moment comes I want you to pause
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take a breath and ask yourself one
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question if I had to do this right now
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would I be excited about it if the
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answer is no use what you learned today
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and here's the interesting part come
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back to this video's comments and share
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what happened because every time you
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share your boundary success you give
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someone else permission to find theirs
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see you in the comments and hey if you
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like this video don't forget to
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subscribe and hit that like button also
00:07:42
let me know your thoughts on what I just
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shared oh and there's more I've just
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started a patreon to help support these
00:07:48
videos and connect with you more
00:07:50
directly check out the link in the
00:07:52
description if you'd like to join thank
00:07:54
you for watching and I'll see you in the
00:07:55
next video
