Brandon Jones Speaks His Truth
Résumé
TLDRIn this heartfelt podcast episode, Brandon Jones, a former reality TV contestant, shares his journey through a challenging breakup with his ex-fiancée, Serene. He reflects on how moving into a one-bedroom apartment highlighted their relationship issues, leading to emotional turmoil for both. Following the breakup, Brandon experienced anxiety and depression, struggles amplified by his time on a reality TV show. Journaling became a crucial tool for him, helping him manage his thoughts and emotions. Despite attending therapy, both individual and couples, Brandon and Serene's relationship could not withstand the mounting resentment. Public perception and scrutiny further complicated his emotional journey. Ultimately, Brandon seeks to understand and move past his experiences, while maintaining his authentic self both on and off-screen. His story is a testament to the complexities of navigating personal issues in the public eye and the pursuit of self-peace.
A retenir
- 📝 Journaling is a powerful tool for emotional processing and mindfulness.
- ❤️ Vulnerability can lead to better self-understanding and healing.
- 🚪 Moving in together highlighted underlying relationship issues for Brandon.
- 🧠 Public perception can heavily influence mental health.
- 💔 Breakups can trigger a cascade of emotional stages, including denial and anger.
- 😔 Both partners built resentment, leading to the relationship's end.
- 🔍 Anxiety from reality TV experiences contributed to Brandon's struggles.
- 🌄 Brandon aims to find peace and personal growth following the breakup.
- 📚 Accepting and learning from past events is crucial for moving forward.
- 🌻 Understanding oneself can prevent future emotional valleys.
Chronologie
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The conversation starts with one of the speakers reflecting on a past breakup and how living together in a one-bedroom apartment with his partner led to many of their relationship problems. He describes feeling emotionally exhausted, unable to communicate effectively, and experiencing resentment from both sides. Despite attempts to support each other, the relationship deteriorates to the point of ending.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
The podcast's host introduces the intent behind the platform, emphasizing the openness for men to discuss mental health without judgment. The guest, Brandon Jones, is introduced, who plans to discuss vulnerable aspects of a previous relationship. The bond between the host and guest is mentioned, along with their shared history as roommates on a reality TV show, setting the stage for the episode's themes.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
The conversation focuses on the host's gratitude towards Brandon for introducing him to journaling, which plays a significant role in mindfulness and coping strategies. They explore the impact of reality TV on personal perception, discussing the pressure to maintain certain appearances and how that influenced Brandon's life post-show. The host acknowledges Brandon's influence in his life, attributing personal growth to this friendship.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
Brandon reflects on his reality TV experience, touching upon his unexpected popularity and the challenges of dealing with public perceptions. They recount experiences from being on the show and subsequent recognition, exploring the dichotomy between public reputation and personal internal struggles. Brandon shares how journaling became a tool for him to deal with emotional lows and public scrutiny.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
The dialogue shifts to understanding self-love and resilience amidst criticism. Brandon discusses the hurt from not being supported by his hometown and the realization of self-worth as independent of public opinion. Understanding controllability becomes crucial, and journaling helps in distinguishing between control and uncontrollable elements. This self-awareness aids in navigating public life post-show.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:00
Brandon expresses being in an emotional valley and recovering from various personal and health challenges, including anxiety developed post-show. Despite external success, he describes feeling internally low, much like an athlete facing new challenges each season. There's a focus on managing public perceptions and personal identities while dealing with mental health.
- 00:30:00 - 00:35:00
The relationship dynamics between Brandon and his then-partner, Serene, are explored, detailing the aftermath of their engagement ending. The complexity of their living situation and personal issues, such as anxiety and lack of communication, contributed to the downfall. Brandon accepts responsibility for part of the dysfunction, illuminating the strain on personal well-being while in public view.
- 00:35:00 - 00:40:00
The host introduces the five stages of grief framework, placing Brandon's experience within this context. Brandon identifies as having reached acceptance regarding his breakup, yet acknowledges difficulty in moving past the anger and depression stages. They agree that understanding these stages can help contextualize experiences and aid healing.
- 00:40:00 - 00:45:00
Brandon delves deeper into the breakdown of his engagement with Serene, marking the beginning of emotional turmoil with their separation. He recounts the period leading up to and following the end of the engagement, noting the struggle in communicating and emotional disconnect. Despite acknowledging a lack of alignment, he describes the transition as deeply painful.
- 00:45:00 - 00:50:00
The impact of public scrutiny on the post-breakup period intensifies as Brandon's actions in Austin raise further complications. Though technically single, his actions of dancing with another woman are seen as controversial due to recent breakup dynamics, exacerbating distrust and emotional pain. Despite the technical breakup, there's mutual damage from misaligned expectations.
- 00:50:00 - 00:55:00
Brandon recounts how being seemingly unable to move forward emotionally from the breakup led to extensive emotional pain, with ongoing apologies and reconciliations attempted. He describes feeling unfairly persecuted by public narratives and personally attacked as he tries to manage both personal accountability and the consequences of public exposure.
- 00:55:00 - 01:00:00
The conversation underscores the profound influence of reality TV on personal relationships and mental health, with Brandon reflecting on the anxiety he felt post-show and its effects on his personal life. Detailed are the struggles with being continuously perceived through a curated public persona, which affected his relationship assumptions and overall personal development.
- 01:00:00 - 01:05:00
Brandon highlights the patchwork of overlapping emotions post-breakup, where public perception blurred with personal turmoil. There's a parallel between needing public validation and personal hurt, leading to miscommunications and increased scrutiny. Even with transparency attempts, as with journaling and therapy, full confidence remained elusive due to the external pressure.
- 01:05:00 - 01:10:00
The ongoing tension between Brandon and Serene escalates as additional details emerge of continued conflict and manipulation. The narrative of potential deceit on her part surfaces, intensifying Brandon's existing emotional distress. Descriptions of control dynamics contribute to a picture of a relationship grappling under public and private pressures.
- 01:10:00 - 01:15:00
With comprehensive acknowledgment of past relationship failures, Brandon talks about seeking closure and peace after manipulation and misunderstandings compounded personal challenges. There's an expression of hope for personal growth and freedom from past relationships, emphasizing an ongoing journey toward mental clarity and self-acceptance.
- 01:15:00 - 01:20:00
Brandon reflects on taking responsibility while also addressing feelings of betrayal and misrepresentation, finding it challenging to maintain high-profile relationships due to trust issues. He feels the need for self-care and growth post-breakup, expressing gratitude for supportive friendships but recognizing the ongoing struggle to restore personal trust.
- 01:20:00 - 01:26:13
The podcast concludes with Brandon acknowledging the cathartic effect of sharing his story, touching upon the concept of addressing vs. suppressing trauma. Closure is sought through vocalizing past challenges, intending to ensure personal growth and proper public understanding, fostering a healthier future narrative without lingering fear and anxiety.
Carte mentale
Questions fréquemment posées
When did the valley of Brandon's emotional journey begin?
Brandon felt that the immediate aftermath, especially moving in together and later the breakup, marked the beginning of his emotional valley.
What mental health challenges did Brandon face after the show?
He struggled with communicating negative emotions and felt burdened by anxiety after the show.
How did journaling help Brandon?
Journaling helped him to process thoughts, control emotions, and maintain a sense of self-awareness and mindfulness.
What was Brandon’s focus during his healing process?
Brandon expressed the need for personal growth and self-reliance during his healing process.
What contributed to the end of Brandon's relationship?
Their therapy sessions stopped being effective, and both partners built up resentment towards each other.
How did public perception and scrutiny affect Brandon?
He maintained that he was deeply affected by online scrutiny and societal expectations following the show.
What is Brandon’s hope for his future after the breakup?
He hopes to move forward by making peace with his past experiences and learning from them.
How did the reality TV experience impact Brandon's emotional state?
Brandon was deeply impacted by the reality TV experience, leading to heightened emotional sensitivity and a need to process it.
What does Brandon want people to understand about him?
Brandon wants people to recognize that the person he was on TV is also his true self off-screen.
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- 00:00:00you had mentioned that you had a a clear
- 00:00:02Valley that you wanted to discuss yeah
- 00:00:04and that Valley was
- 00:00:07the
- 00:00:09immediate aftermath of your breakup I
- 00:00:12think that when I was in a valley was
- 00:00:14probably when we moved together in San
- 00:00:16Diego and just being in that one-bedroom
- 00:00:19apartment together that's kind of where
- 00:00:21all our problems started stemming from I
- 00:00:24was taking so much energy from her and
- 00:00:26just like because I felt you know when I
- 00:00:29did try to communicate those negative
- 00:00:31emotions I felt like they weren't
- 00:00:32reciprocated they were just like taken
- 00:00:34in by her and then flipped into oh I
- 00:00:37felt that once this is my story then
- 00:00:40it's just like it was just got to a
- 00:00:43point where like when we f it was like
- 00:00:45we F and like I didn't like her actions
- 00:00:48that she was doing and some of the
- 00:00:50things that she was doing during those
- 00:00:51fights and during those low moments to
- 00:00:53the point where I just like I just
- 00:00:55started resenting her and then she
- 00:00:57started resenting me and you know we
- 00:00:59couldn't like
- 00:01:00we couldn't even like hug on some days
- 00:01:02and we couldn't kiss each other on some
- 00:01:04days it's just cuz she was like yo I
- 00:01:06just like mentally I can't do that I
- 00:01:08can't have any physicality with you
- 00:01:09right now doing that for so long man
- 00:01:11it's just like if we're not trying to
- 00:01:13work with each other and like trying to
- 00:01:15like build each other up then it's just
- 00:01:16like I think we both just got to a place
- 00:01:18where it's just not getting better and
- 00:01:20then the relationship's over and she's
- 00:01:23throwing the ring at me and I have that
- 00:01:25and it's just like yo like like that
- 00:01:27shit's tough dude welcome everyone to
- 00:01:30the beyond the cover
- 00:01:31podcast my intent with creating this
- 00:01:34podcast was to provide a platform where
- 00:01:36men can speak openly about their
- 00:01:37Journeys with mental health without fear
- 00:01:39of judgment while doing so while I the
- 00:01:43host or you The Listener may not agree
- 00:01:45with everything or anything that a
- 00:01:47certain guest says for that matter my
- 00:01:50focus is not to decipher what is right
- 00:01:52or wrong rather it's to gain a better
- 00:01:55understanding of why somebody thinks and
- 00:01:57acts the way that they do and with this
- 00:02:00understanding we will begin to make
- 00:02:02better sense of our own lives and the
- 00:02:04world around us so join me as we open
- 00:02:08the books into these men's Journeys and
- 00:02:11dissect the pages with
- 00:02:13them today's guest is Brandon Jones
- 00:02:17Brandon is a really good friend of mine
- 00:02:19and today Brandon wanted to dive deep
- 00:02:22into a previous relationship and talk
- 00:02:24about things he hasn't discussed before
- 00:02:26it's very vulnerable it was very
- 00:02:29challenging for to share the story but
- 00:02:31he felt that today was the right time to
- 00:02:33do it so without further Ado let's Jump
- 00:02:36Right
- 00:02:37In Brandon Jones welcome to beyond the
- 00:02:41cover how's it
- 00:02:43going it's going great uh this uh coming
- 00:02:46together as quickly as it did um this is
- 00:02:49going to be a very
- 00:02:51passionate episode um I know that you
- 00:02:54have a lot in your mind um you and I
- 00:02:56have talked in depth about just life man
- 00:02:59and the last I feel like this is just
- 00:03:01like a live pillow talk you know what I
- 00:03:03mean like on the show so I was wondering
- 00:03:05if you're going to bring that up I think
- 00:03:07it's fun to give a little backstory um
- 00:03:10you and I were roommates on the bachette
- 00:03:12yes sir I won't say begrudgingly I just
- 00:03:16don't think we really connected prior to
- 00:03:17that point they put us in a you were in
- 00:03:19drama dog I yeah oh I was that's right
- 00:03:23with uh with with Joe yeah with Joe yeah
- 00:03:26stay clear I sniffed it out I said that
- 00:03:28that Joe and Michelle knew other
- 00:03:30beforehand and I was right I said I got
- 00:03:32the vibe that like those two knew each
- 00:03:33other and then I got in the hot seat cuz
- 00:03:35I was I was the one speaking up and I
- 00:03:37was like that's it I'm not speaking up
- 00:03:38anymore yeah no no no no but to 30 guys
- 00:03:41who are like emotionally like their
- 00:03:43emotions are through the roof yeah
- 00:03:45exactly and I was in a foreign
- 00:03:46environment and I was scared all a
- 00:03:48sudden I'm like oh my gosh I just drew
- 00:03:49all this fire on me and Michelle pulls
- 00:03:50me aside so I heard youve been talking
- 00:03:52I'm like oh here we go I'm going home yo
- 00:03:56yeah and then I was like bro I'm not I'm
- 00:03:57not going to be associated with this kid
- 00:03:59right now like yeah so we we didn't
- 00:04:01really Converse [ __ ] people from
- 00:04:04Missouri are
- 00:04:05crazy and those damn West coaster too
- 00:04:08man West coasters are weirdos that's
- 00:04:11what I used to think I was like man
- 00:04:12people are woo woo on the west coast
- 00:04:14they're wooo is they're hippie and all
- 00:04:16that that's
- 00:04:17true but no we we became they put us in
- 00:04:21in uh as roommates when we went to
- 00:04:24Minnesota mhm and you you bring up the
- 00:04:27pillow talks
- 00:04:30so we would have these late night
- 00:04:31conversations because you wouldn't let
- 00:04:33me sleep no you always to talk I was
- 00:04:37stoked yeah I'm coming back from a hot
- 00:04:39date bro I gota let you were one of the
- 00:04:40Front Runners I mean you were meanwhile
- 00:04:42I'm here like just fighting to stay
- 00:04:43around but you a after once the the
- 00:04:47episodes or or you know the day ended
- 00:04:49wrapped and they we went off camera you
- 00:04:51we went to our respective you know hotel
- 00:04:53rooms and you and I were roommates and
- 00:04:56we would just sit and talk about life
- 00:04:58yeah that's where the pillow talks began
- 00:05:01how it all started yeah yeah I I want to
- 00:05:04thank you
- 00:05:05for being one of the pillars in my life
- 00:05:09to of starting to put me down the path
- 00:05:12of awareness and mindfulness because you
- 00:05:15taught me the power of journaling yeah
- 00:05:18and I have a journal right here hey it's
- 00:05:20huge but I remember saying you you what
- 00:05:23is that you're like it's a journal is
- 00:05:26that a diary you're like yeah whatever
- 00:05:28you want to call it and I was like why
- 00:05:31why do you write in that and we talked
- 00:05:33and we talked about so much stuff but I
- 00:05:35ended up having a journal on The
- 00:05:37Bachelor and it was because of you I
- 00:05:39asked for one I read in your book and I
- 00:05:42wrote all about it and now I I picked it
- 00:05:45up four months ago and I've been writing
- 00:05:46it every day and it's it's it's one of
- 00:05:49the single greatest gifts for
- 00:05:50mindfulness just putting thoughts on the
- 00:05:52paper just getting it out just like out
- 00:05:55yeah frustrations everything you got to
- 00:05:56get it out man that makes me happy that
- 00:05:58like yeah so I want thank you for that
- 00:06:00and you you truly are one of my greatest
- 00:06:05blessings as far as people that I've met
- 00:06:07in the last two years I mean you were
- 00:06:08the catalyst so thank
- 00:06:10you damn all right we we cut the podcast
- 00:06:13here that's all I needed to hear but you
- 00:06:15see so so with
- 00:06:17that you you've done so much for me but
- 00:06:21also again I want to go you know on the
- 00:06:23cover Brandon Jones on the cover we're
- 00:06:26going to dive into the pages but on the
- 00:06:28front cover you were the season of the
- 00:06:30bachette runner up you were America's
- 00:06:32sweetheart I mean you came you came out
- 00:06:35everyone that's what everyone says but
- 00:06:36it didn't feel like that you know what I
- 00:06:39mean and I want says you're America
- 00:06:42sweetheart you're America sweetheart and
- 00:06:43I want to dive into that because I I I
- 00:06:45feel that energy I know that that's not
- 00:06:47the way you felt but but you had a well
- 00:06:50you rolled out on a bed that was like
- 00:06:51your first appearance no that was you
- 00:06:53said I don't what did you say hop in or
- 00:06:57how this guy become the sweetheart man
- 00:06:58this is some
- 00:07:00aer0 lay on the bed uh so uh I rolled
- 00:07:04out on a bed dude it was we came up with
- 00:07:07it in the hotel room I was just laying
- 00:07:08there I was like they were like the
- 00:07:10producer was like yo what if you just
- 00:07:12rolled out just like that and I was just
- 00:07:14laying on the bed there just thinking I
- 00:07:15was like what I want to show you what
- 00:07:17it's like to wake up next to me and he's
- 00:07:19like that was Li
- 00:07:21y I said I said is that a sweetheart com
- 00:07:24was that a Playboy com roll I was so
- 00:07:26confident up in the car I was so
- 00:07:27confident to get my bed ready I'm laying
- 00:07:29there I'm like yo this is solid I roll
- 00:07:31out I'm like I see your face I was like
- 00:07:33yo this is the worst mistake I think
- 00:07:35I've ever made so that too late yeah I
- 00:07:36was like it's it's too late and then I
- 00:07:38said it and then yeah then she just sat
- 00:07:41in bed with me I was like damn this is
- 00:07:42going great like I thought she was going
- 00:07:44to be like n hour all long out here like
- 00:07:46just keep roll she kept pushing you yeah
- 00:07:47just kept pushing she got back there and
- 00:07:49just started pushing yeah yeah and uh
- 00:07:52what she went with it I went with it
- 00:07:54yeah you you went with it man out of
- 00:07:55character but yeah my getting my ass
- 00:07:57slapped with a ruler was my intro and
- 00:07:59that was out of character that's nuts
- 00:08:01but that was my exposure to first first
- 00:08:03steps and first moment on TV you said
- 00:08:06what would you say I'm a bad boy smack I
- 00:08:09did not say that I did not say that I
- 00:08:12said in case I get out of the line I
- 00:08:14brought something that that I don't know
- 00:08:17can put me back in line or I don't know
- 00:08:19it was okay it was it wasn't the best
- 00:08:21line but I also was like Hey too late
- 00:08:23I'm here it's too late yeah it's too
- 00:08:25late so we both had very uh interest ing
- 00:08:30in introductions uh on reality
- 00:08:32television to millions of
- 00:08:33people and you had a really very
- 00:08:36emotional breakup on the show with with
- 00:08:39Michelle and I think that really is what
- 00:08:42was the Catalyst for your sweetheart
- 00:08:44edit I mean everybody online I was
- 00:08:47reading everything online oh my gosh we
- 00:08:49want to see Brandon
- 00:08:50win and so everyone's called we got to
- 00:08:53see him on Paradise so everyone was
- 00:08:54calling for paradise and they got what
- 00:08:56they wanted they got well everyone was
- 00:08:59room for me except for my hometown did I
- 00:09:02tell you about that story there was like
- 00:09:04a giant viewing before I left to the
- 00:09:07finale and uh I decided it was like
- 00:09:09covid so I put on a mask in a hood and
- 00:09:12went with all my friends and was like
- 00:09:13hey let's just go like hang out I'll
- 00:09:16surprise them at the end let's see
- 00:09:17what's up I thought it was going to be
- 00:09:18casual ended up being like aund
- 00:09:20something plus people yeah and you know
- 00:09:23it's all women they're all drinking and
- 00:09:24everything like that there's a couple
- 00:09:25dudes there but uh yeah bro I uh that
- 00:09:30third episode when I pulled Michelle
- 00:09:32away yeah I started I never heard so
- 00:09:34much hate in my life like everyone there
- 00:09:37was like [ __ ] this guy like this 17year
- 00:09:39old who the [ __ ] is he what is he doing
- 00:09:42if Michelle picks him I swear I'm gonna
- 00:09:44pull out my hair and like yeah so it's
- 00:09:46like I got love from everywhere else but
- 00:09:49back home and I'm just sitting in the
- 00:09:51back I'm sitting in the back like hat on
- 00:09:54everything listening to everyone and
- 00:09:56these girls in front of me were like my
- 00:09:57biggest haters I had like probably like
- 00:10:00a group of girls like on the side yeah
- 00:10:02but like it I was like dude this is
- 00:10:04gonna be so much fun like just go hang
- 00:10:06out with the fans and like see what's up
- 00:10:07and surprise him to the point where it
- 00:10:09was like I was sitting there like
- 00:10:11halfway and I was like no this is this
- 00:10:13sucks like this is the worst and I
- 00:10:15brought my people so they're hearing it
- 00:10:16too yeah and it's just like yeah so at
- 00:10:19the end she chose me and like everyone
- 00:10:21erupted like she chose Nate fer and then
- 00:10:23she chose me to move on to the finale
- 00:10:25like everyone erupted and so I just
- 00:10:27pulled up a chair and I was like yeah I
- 00:10:29was like it was great watching this with
- 00:10:32y'all but I'll never do this [ __ ] again
- 00:10:34and you should was just like the change
- 00:10:36on their face was crazy oh was probably
- 00:10:38as much shock to them like oh my gosh we
- 00:10:40just trash talk this guy and now he's
- 00:10:42and heard here in the room yeah and
- 00:10:45that's that so then that's when that's
- 00:10:47when yeah I was like what were your
- 00:10:50feelings I mean when you heard these
- 00:10:52things did it
- 00:10:53hurt yeah well I I was shocked I was
- 00:10:57shocked I was like yo my own hometown
- 00:10:59that's crazy that's crazy like I've been
- 00:11:02here what 20 I was there 26 years M like
- 00:11:05that's crazy and then
- 00:11:07uh and then I'll just like at the end of
- 00:11:10it I was just like hey at the end of the
- 00:11:12day like not even your own people might
- 00:11:15not like you but like as long as you
- 00:11:17love yourself then like what else can
- 00:11:19you do you know what I mean like that's
- 00:11:21all you need is just for you to love
- 00:11:23yourself you're religious you need God's
- 00:11:25love and all that but like yeah it's
- 00:11:27pretty much so that was a moment that
- 00:11:29strengthened your selflove yeah yeah
- 00:11:31okay and also like I think I was so in
- 00:11:34my head about like talking to Michelle
- 00:11:37again for the first time and like seeing
- 00:11:40everyone's reaction and like seeing like
- 00:11:43how the fans reaction was and everything
- 00:11:45like that to where like that was like
- 00:11:46the
- 00:11:48perfect I don't know like blow like soft
- 00:11:50blow you know what I mean it was like
- 00:11:52the perfect thing was like okay now I
- 00:11:54know everyone's dots like this is like
- 00:11:56probably worst case scenario right here
- 00:11:58yeah I could just go go in be myself and
- 00:12:00like now I don't care now I'm just going
- 00:12:02to ask the questions I need which I
- 00:12:04didn't get the clarification but that's
- 00:12:05okay but like I'm just going to ask the
- 00:12:07questions I need and then just move on
- 00:12:09from there it's like I can't change
- 00:12:10anything so that's awesome that's
- 00:12:13powerful that you took what could have
- 00:12:15been a really negative a moment very
- 00:12:17negative moment and could have led you
- 00:12:20down a path of maybe what they're saying
- 00:12:21is true but instead you
- 00:12:24said people are going to say what
- 00:12:26they're going to say yeah I know who I
- 00:12:28am it's the it's the you can't control
- 00:12:30it you know what I mean like only focus
- 00:12:31on things you can't control I can't
- 00:12:33control that I can't control how the
- 00:12:34show is going to play me yeah but I
- 00:12:36can't control like my attitude when I
- 00:12:38see Michelle and I see these people and
- 00:12:39everything like that so yeah that's why
- 00:12:41I stood up and like joked with them I
- 00:12:43was like I'm never watching this with
- 00:12:44y'all again like I appreciate every
- 00:12:46single one of you but like yeah when did
- 00:12:49you this is the last
- 00:12:51[Laughter]
- 00:12:54time when when did you acquire that
- 00:12:57self-love where you're like I know who I
- 00:12:59am and what people say it doesn't matter
- 00:13:02because that's that's powerful to have
- 00:13:03that I mean I just recently acquired
- 00:13:05that have you always had that I think
- 00:13:09now now in this position that I'm in
- 00:13:12right now I've definitely like have that
- 00:13:14Acquired and have that locked and like I
- 00:13:16have the right necess um how do I put
- 00:13:19the right Tools in place okay to like
- 00:13:21understand and like achieve that every
- 00:13:23time but back are those what are those
- 00:13:25tools tools like journaling for instance
- 00:13:28it's like writing down what you can
- 00:13:30control what you can't control and like
- 00:13:32understanding that
- 00:13:33like you know we do want you like for
- 00:13:36instance like this bachette that I'm
- 00:13:38seeing now like I see like one of the
- 00:13:39contestants his parents are online like
- 00:13:41trying to defend him and his Outlook and
- 00:13:43everything like that stuff like that
- 00:13:45like people who can't yeah well
- 00:13:48understanding like people who can't
- 00:13:49control and feel like they they're
- 00:13:52losing control they'll tend to like act
- 00:13:54out on emotion and they'll tend to like
- 00:13:57do things that they don't normally do
- 00:14:00without like understanding like yo like
- 00:14:02this is just the name of the game like
- 00:14:04there's nothing you can do there's
- 00:14:05physically nothing you go out there and
- 00:14:07put out statement yeah but what what you
- 00:14:09get like is it going to change
- 00:14:11everyone's mind is everyone going to
- 00:14:13love you again you know what I mean yeah
- 00:14:15like going on the bachel is everyone GNA
- 00:14:17love me like I have no control over that
- 00:14:20so it's just one just be yourself
- 00:14:22journal and then I think the other tool
- 00:14:24is just writing down what you can and
- 00:14:26can't and you'd be surprised like when
- 00:14:27you start Crossing out the things you
- 00:14:28can control that list isn't so long MH
- 00:14:32so but yeah I definitely learned it get
- 00:14:35my heartbroken for sure just like hey I
- 00:14:37can't control like her picking me you
- 00:14:40know what I mean like I did everything I
- 00:14:41did everything I could that's why with
- 00:14:43you in the room I was like bro you just
- 00:14:45we got to do everything that you would
- 00:14:48do because you don't want to look back
- 00:14:50and be like yo I wish I did this I wish
- 00:14:52I did that so be yourself do everything
- 00:14:54that you can do she don't choose me she
- 00:14:55don't choose
- 00:14:56me and so when everyone else was
- 00:14:59partying she was celebrating the staff
- 00:15:01was partying everything I stood back
- 00:15:03there journaled and then just like
- 00:15:05understood like I was there by myself in
- 00:15:07the room I was crying everything my
- 00:15:09producer was in there too he was down I
- 00:15:12don't know if he was yeah and then they
- 00:15:14all went out to celebrate their party
- 00:15:16under of the year party whatever I just
- 00:15:18stayed in the room and just watched the
- 00:15:19sunset and just journal and just like yo
- 00:15:22I can't I can't control none of these so
- 00:15:24it's like there's no
- 00:15:26point that's super powerful I didn't
- 00:15:28know that that's what did but in that
- 00:15:29moment you were essentially choosing
- 00:15:31yourself you're like what do I need to
- 00:15:34remind myself of who I am yeah so that I
- 00:15:37can keep that self-love and
- 00:15:38self-confidence as opposed to letting
- 00:15:40this situation and the scenario that
- 00:15:42played out have me
- 00:15:44question my value yeah you were
- 00:15:47reinforcing it in that moment yeah
- 00:15:49because then you start questioning
- 00:15:50yourself so you were that's that's
- 00:15:52awesome you were you were reinforcing
- 00:15:54your value by going right back to the
- 00:15:56drawing board I.E just putting it on
- 00:15:59paper Who Am put on paper remember who
- 00:16:01you are yeah and and don't lose sight of
- 00:16:03that no matter what happens but it's
- 00:16:05easier said than done cuz I I I tend to
- 00:16:07still lose out of that like who I am and
- 00:16:09like yeah do you feel that
- 00:16:12you fully know who you are in this
- 00:16:15moment nah I don't think anyone uh maybe
- 00:16:19actually I can't say that but me no
- 00:16:21personally not or let me ask it this
- 00:16:25way are
- 00:16:27you in a spot where you would say you're
- 00:16:31in one of your happiest moments are you
- 00:16:32at a are you at a at a place where you
- 00:16:35feel like you're at the peak or are you
- 00:16:38in the valley right now I'm in the
- 00:16:40Valley you're in the valley yeah yeah
- 00:16:42yeah but I know yeah but I've been at
- 00:16:44the peak you know what I mean so it's
- 00:16:46like yeah yeah it's kind of just like
- 00:16:48grinding to get back there you know what
- 00:16:49I
- 00:16:50mean so that's okay so Sports season
- 00:16:54just started over like yeah I'm in the
- 00:16:56Valley it's like just cuz you want last
- 00:16:59year doesn't mean you're going to win
- 00:17:00again this year you still got to put in
- 00:17:01that same work and everything and like
- 00:17:03this year I tore my ACO you know what I
- 00:17:05mean for just like just like a metaphor
- 00:17:08like I tore my ACL now it's like getting
- 00:17:10back to it and like yeah I'm in the
- 00:17:12Valley but I've been at the peak and
- 00:17:13like I know what it takes to get there
- 00:17:15so that
- 00:17:16yeah I find it really interesting to get
- 00:17:19your current perspective of where you
- 00:17:21see yourself
- 00:17:23because I think perspective is
- 00:17:25everything it is it's perspective is
- 00:17:27reality I think people that could look
- 00:17:29at you right now and say he's at the
- 00:17:31peak he went on real television he got
- 00:17:33all this
- 00:17:35recognition um he's traveling has the
- 00:17:38freedom to travel when he wants and do
- 00:17:41these I saw a collaboration leas
- 00:17:43recently that you post on your
- 00:17:44story you could make an argument on the
- 00:17:47outside that you're at the peak or at a
- 00:17:50peak moment I'm I'm blessed I'm
- 00:17:53definitely blessed you know what I mean
- 00:17:55like thankful for like the path that
- 00:17:56God's giving me but like I'm not you
- 00:17:59feel like anywhere near a peak right now
- 00:18:01yeah and I so I want I still go through
- 00:18:02the same we still go through the same
- 00:18:04struggles bro we're not super human you
- 00:18:05know what I mean like yeah we're not and
- 00:18:07and do you ever feel when you're in a
- 00:18:12room that people don't see you like them
- 00:18:16or as human do do you ever get that
- 00:18:19feeling that they see you as more
- 00:18:21because you went on
- 00:18:23television um just curious if you ever
- 00:18:26feel that I mean maybe maybe that's
- 00:18:28raling I think I'm more focused on the
- 00:18:33uh I think it's just such a weird
- 00:18:35feeling to know that they know so much
- 00:18:37about my life and they come up to me
- 00:18:39thinking that I know about theirs and
- 00:18:41I'm not trying to sound that's not cocky
- 00:18:43or anything but just like like Brandon
- 00:18:45oh my gosh you know I saw that you just
- 00:18:48moved to San Diego you did this this
- 00:18:50this this and it's like wow I'm so sorry
- 00:18:52but like after having so many of those
- 00:18:54conversations you just kind of like go
- 00:18:55with it I guess I don't know we strike
- 00:18:59that that sounds cocky I'm not at all it
- 00:19:01doesn't I I'm asking more so for my own
- 00:19:03selfish understanding um I think they
- 00:19:06just think we could tolerate the whole
- 00:19:08world you know what I mean like we could
- 00:19:10tolerate the hate we could
- 00:19:11tolerate kind of like super human in a
- 00:19:15way you know what I mean like just cuz
- 00:19:17three 30,000 people are bashing on
- 00:19:21me you know and just because I went on
- 00:19:23television doesn't mean like I could
- 00:19:25take 30,000 people's hate you know what
- 00:19:27I mean just opened up the floodgates for
- 00:19:29people to hate me or like for people to
- 00:19:31like me or whatever it take yeah
- 00:19:33whatever there's the mindset of they
- 00:19:34know what they signed up for they should
- 00:19:36be able to deal with this yeah no I had
- 00:19:38no idea what
- 00:19:39I what yeah yeah that's and that's where
- 00:19:42I that's what I wanted to know because
- 00:19:44that's how I feel at times people go
- 00:19:46well you signed up for this so you you
- 00:19:47should be able to handle this it's like
- 00:19:49I'm not superum I bleed the same blood
- 00:19:52you do I feel a lot of the same pain you
- 00:19:55feel and I've had people I read online
- 00:19:57that said I can't relate to he's a
- 00:19:59reality TV star and it felt isolating I
- 00:20:02I I wondered if you ever felt that way
- 00:20:04if you went in a room and you thought no
- 00:20:06one really can relate to me but but I'm
- 00:20:09human but but it feels like people are
- 00:20:10looking at me as if I'm almost a zoo
- 00:20:12animal sometimes oh when I hop out the
- 00:20:14show yeah I think sometimes still to
- 00:20:17this day I can kind of feel like that
- 00:20:20like if we were just Four of July a lot
- 00:20:22of people from out Town came and then uh
- 00:20:25I just started taking pictures with one
- 00:20:27person and led to another
- 00:20:29but I'm not going to lie though like
- 00:20:31that makes me happy you know what I mean
- 00:20:34like I don't know if saying being a zoo
- 00:20:36animal makes me happy you know what I
- 00:20:38mean I mean it more as like a spectacle
- 00:20:41yeah I mean I don't mean it in a bad way
- 00:20:42I mean like you go and you see the lion
- 00:20:43at the zoo and like I get to go see the
- 00:20:45lion yeah yeah but you but it's like
- 00:20:47they they don't they see you as
- 00:20:48something different than what you are
- 00:20:50like I'm still PL in the human I love
- 00:20:51that because they come up to me with
- 00:20:53happiness you know what I mean like
- 00:20:54they're so happy to see me yeah and so
- 00:20:57that's how I view it is like like I love
- 00:21:00that everyone comes up takes my picture
- 00:21:02and like wants to chat and like wants to
- 00:21:04talk to me and like pick my brain and
- 00:21:06like I think uh I just think like that's
- 00:21:10special that's something that not
- 00:21:12everyone has and like I think that you
- 00:21:14know just waking up in the day and
- 00:21:15having someone like smile and like oh my
- 00:21:18gosh you're Brandon I loved you I love
- 00:21:20watching you like that just like puts
- 00:21:22joy in my heart because like I made I'm
- 00:21:24made someone smile today or someone's
- 00:21:25smiling at me it's like happy to see me
- 00:21:27so it's like
- 00:21:29I'm okay being like that lying yeah yeah
- 00:21:31because everyone's coming and it's like
- 00:21:32hey yeah and it's like yeah it's the
- 00:21:34same but it's like that's the beauty and
- 00:21:36is like these people love us in a way
- 00:21:39and like we love them in a way because
- 00:21:41of like we got the opportunity because
- 00:21:43of them you I mean so yeah I feel that
- 00:21:46gratitude some sometimes though I I
- 00:21:49repel it only because my insecurity says
- 00:21:51I don't want you to see me as anything
- 00:21:53different I want you to see me like you
- 00:21:55yeah so I I I feel I'm put up on a
- 00:21:57pedestal and I'm like no no like don't
- 00:21:59put me because it feels like I'm I'm
- 00:22:01being isolated on a pedestal yeah and
- 00:22:03that's more so just like how my brain
- 00:22:05operates so I was curious how yours does
- 00:22:07but yours is more like if if like I'm
- 00:22:09grateful that you like that you can get
- 00:22:11so much positivity from this interaction
- 00:22:13yeah and it's like I just try to suck
- 00:22:15the positivity from it but understand
- 00:22:17like when it comes to like our life and
- 00:22:20like like dealing with certain aspects
- 00:22:23you have nobody to go to but the people
- 00:22:25on the show I think that's all kind of
- 00:22:27like why we stay in yeah and contact
- 00:22:29with everyone and like people might say
- 00:22:31it's like a little bit of a cult but at
- 00:22:33the end of the day we all went through
- 00:22:34something together you know what I mean
- 00:22:36and we're the only ones who kind of
- 00:22:38understand and like can talk about that
- 00:22:40yeah you need to have that support in
- 00:22:42order to find your way out of a valley
- 00:22:44yeah because I can't sometimes I can't
- 00:22:46go to like my mom or my dad and be like
- 00:22:48yeah I'm feeling this today because this
- 00:22:50so and so and so and so when you know
- 00:22:52they've never had someone online couple
- 00:22:55thousand people online just hate them
- 00:22:57all at once or like you know so it's
- 00:22:59like but I could go to you I go to will
- 00:23:02I go to Daniel or whoever you know and
- 00:23:04just be like hey y like this happened
- 00:23:06day and they're like yeah you know when
- 00:23:08that happened to me this is what I did
- 00:23:09or like this helped me through this and
- 00:23:12stuff like that so yeah absolutely yeah
- 00:23:14oh was powerful man it's it's it's it's
- 00:23:16a Brotherhood we have that is special
- 00:23:18because of how unique of an experience
- 00:23:20that we went through yeah only we
- 00:23:21understand it
- 00:23:23yeah in preparation for coming on the
- 00:23:27podcast I told you that I wanted to
- 00:23:31discuss a rock bottom moment a valley
- 00:23:34yeah a dark place that you had
- 00:23:37been and the reason why I want to go
- 00:23:41there is
- 00:23:43because I believe it's very
- 00:23:46relatable Rock Bottom moments that where
- 00:23:48there's a lot of people right now in
- 00:23:49life that will listen to this and
- 00:23:51they'll be facing something similar to
- 00:23:53what you're going to
- 00:23:54share and so they'll feel less alone
- 00:23:57through hearing your story we'll talk
- 00:23:59about how you felt during that moment
- 00:24:02which will allow them to be able to
- 00:24:03relate and feel again less alone and
- 00:24:06then talk about how you've been able to
- 00:24:08fight your way back out of that Valley
- 00:24:10and climb back uh up the peak and that
- 00:24:13essentially just gives people hope yeah
- 00:24:16if he went through it you can too I can
- 00:24:18too
- 00:24:20yeah and so when I brought that to you
- 00:24:23you had mentioned that you had a a clear
- 00:24:26Valley that you wanted to discuss yeah
- 00:24:28and that Valley was
- 00:24:31the
- 00:24:33immediate aftermath of your breakup with
- 00:24:36Serene
- 00:24:38yeah we're gonna dive into that wherever
- 00:24:42it is you want to take
- 00:24:44it before we do can I share with
- 00:24:48you the five stages of grief it's
- 00:24:53a it's it was coined by um Elizabeth
- 00:24:57Kubler Ross it's whenever someone goes
- 00:25:00through a challenging time there's these
- 00:25:03five stages that they will navigate
- 00:25:05through can I share with you those those
- 00:25:07five
- 00:25:09stages so the first stage of grief is
- 00:25:14denial this is the this can't be
- 00:25:16happening
- 00:25:19mindset then stage two is anger whether
- 00:25:23this is at
- 00:25:24yourself or others
- 00:25:28stage three is bargaining this is where
- 00:25:31someone will try to regain control
- 00:25:33through making deals or promises with a
- 00:25:35higher
- 00:25:36power could be hey God if if you change
- 00:25:40this then I promise to never do this
- 00:25:43again stage four is then depression this
- 00:25:46is where someone will feel a deep
- 00:25:49sadness and realization of loss it may
- 00:25:52have feelings of
- 00:25:53hopelessness or just disconnection
- 00:25:58and then the last stage is acceptance
- 00:26:00this is where somebody will come to
- 00:26:02terms with the reality of the situation
- 00:26:04they'll find a way to live with it and
- 00:26:06move
- 00:26:08forward so the five stages again are
- 00:26:11denial anger bargaining depression and
- 00:26:17acceptance it doesn't have to be
- 00:26:20linear but most people experience it in
- 00:26:23that order maybe with one or two out of
- 00:26:25out of
- 00:26:27place but brand I want to ask you
- 00:26:30today when you think
- 00:26:32about the breakup with
- 00:26:35Serene what stage do you think think
- 00:26:37that you're currently
- 00:26:39in well finally got to acceptance you're
- 00:26:43at acceptance yeah before that it was I
- 00:26:48think I stayed in Anger for a long time
- 00:26:50anger and depression kind of like mix
- 00:26:52between both of those
- 00:26:54but yeah let's talk about
- 00:26:59what got you to that place of
- 00:27:02depression
- 00:27:04um yeah I mean we could start
- 00:27:08by just like the relationship in general
- 00:27:11um how do you want me to start you want
- 00:27:13me to start at the beginning kind of
- 00:27:14like lead up to it or wherever you feel
- 00:27:18inclined to start I just when you were
- 00:27:21in that Valley moment where was that
- 00:27:23when we talk about the breakup or like
- 00:27:26just kind of like leading up to it or
- 00:27:28how it started off and like the I don't
- 00:27:31know obstacles that we Face together and
- 00:27:33like what have you feeling I just want
- 00:27:35you to talk about when you when you
- 00:27:38think about when I was in the
- 00:27:40valley where was that starting
- 00:27:42point and and we can discuss you know
- 00:27:45how you got there as well but just just
- 00:27:47wherever you feel comfortable
- 00:27:49starting yeah I think that I think that
- 00:27:52when I was in the valley
- 00:27:55was man I was going to say probably when
- 00:27:57we moved together San Diego and just
- 00:28:00being in that one-bedroom apartment
- 00:28:02together I
- 00:28:04think that's kind of where all their
- 00:28:06problems started stemming from
- 00:28:10um [ __ ] I haven't talked about this
- 00:28:13and I kind of just swept down the I
- 00:28:16don't know dude
- 00:28:19uh actually you know what we're g to
- 00:28:21scratch that I think that you know just
- 00:28:23in the valley I think for me when it
- 00:28:26started like the anger the depression
- 00:28:29all that was when the engagement ended
- 00:28:32okay and I think that just like that
- 00:28:35whole week before I went to Austin when
- 00:28:37she gave me the ring and everything and
- 00:28:40then I I think I was just in denial for
- 00:28:43a good amount like kind of just push it
- 00:28:46away like okay my engagement yeah but at
- 00:28:50the same time I was just like you know
- 00:28:52what maybe I'll be better like maybe
- 00:28:54I'll be good maybe you know this hasn't
- 00:28:56been working for us for a while like I'm
- 00:28:59GNA be okay like this is fine this isn't
- 00:29:01really happening right now like I'm just
- 00:29:03going to be okay and like I can get
- 00:29:06through it it'll be fine and then
- 00:29:12um yeah and
- 00:29:14then you know a week before that she was
- 00:29:17telling me that she was going back to
- 00:29:20Oklahoma too and she's like I can't be
- 00:29:22here I don't think that being me being
- 00:29:24here is going to be good for us and I
- 00:29:26think that
- 00:29:28you know to me
- 00:29:31personally she felt that she just needed
- 00:29:33to go back to Oklahoma or that kind of
- 00:29:35was like her like her thing like she
- 00:29:37just wanted to be back with her family
- 00:29:39in Oklahoma and she felt that you know
- 00:29:42being separated would have been better
- 00:29:45to work on the relationship because
- 00:29:47obviously being trapped in a one-bedroom
- 00:29:49apartment would just wasn't doing it and
- 00:29:51so I think then it was just like I kind
- 00:29:53of just started losing hope and like you
- 00:29:56know the engagement ended and that
- 00:29:58called you that day that it ended I
- 00:30:01don't know if you remember but I was
- 00:30:03just in the parking garage crying and I
- 00:30:05was like she ended it she's moving back
- 00:30:08to Oklahoma she's moving her stuff out
- 00:30:10in like a week or so and it's just like
- 00:30:13I just like I was in denial but then
- 00:30:15everything kind of like started crashing
- 00:30:17in all at once and like I couldn't be in
- 00:30:19the house talking about it cuz if I was
- 00:30:21in the house talking about it she'
- 00:30:22probably come out and like it start a
- 00:30:25whole another argument or Feud so I just
- 00:30:26had to like walk away go away
- 00:30:30and there's so much I'm leaving out but
- 00:30:33I think at that point that's like when
- 00:30:35she told me she was like Hey I'm going
- 00:30:37back to Oklahoma and like I think this
- 00:30:39is going to be better for us to a week
- 00:30:41later engagement ending to like a week
- 00:30:44later me going to Austin just like it
- 00:30:46just like it didn't stop like I never
- 00:30:48got out of the valley it's just like I
- 00:30:50felt like the hole was just getting
- 00:30:51bigger and bigger and
- 00:30:52bigger so you all ended the engagement a
- 00:30:57week before you went to Austin a week
- 00:31:00before I went to Austin yeah and then
- 00:31:02when you went to
- 00:31:05Austin there was a photo that came out
- 00:31:09it was a video a video yeah yeah and
- 00:31:12what did that video show it showed me
- 00:31:14dancing with another girl you dancing
- 00:31:16with another girl M as a single man as a
- 00:31:20single man but this is the problem
- 00:31:22though this is it before I left to
- 00:31:25Austin I gave her hope about us possibly
- 00:31:29making it work I gave her hope about you
- 00:31:32know what if how would that look like
- 00:31:34you know you in Oklahoma me here like
- 00:31:36what would that look like like how how
- 00:31:38would we paint that picture together
- 00:31:41because if we're not able to work out
- 00:31:42our problems here how we're going to
- 00:31:44work it out halfway across the United
- 00:31:46States you know what I
- 00:31:48mean and then I just like you know what
- 00:31:50I don't know what we're doing right now
- 00:31:52but I'm going to Austin and you know
- 00:31:54right now we're fine but just like
- 00:31:59I don't know how you know what I mean
- 00:32:01like talking to you the writing was on
- 00:32:03the wall and it was just like I don't
- 00:32:04know how if we can't make it work
- 00:32:06together here how we going to make it
- 00:32:07work there and that was that was such an
- 00:32:10issue for me that I held on to and she
- 00:32:12knew that there was something wrong and
- 00:32:14she text me and I didn't want to start a
- 00:32:16fight on the plane so I was like yeah no
- 00:32:18no nothing's wrong you know have you
- 00:32:19ever done that where you're just like
- 00:32:21everything's good you know it's visible
- 00:32:24it's visible it's like yo something is
- 00:32:26wrong it's like yo like I just don't
- 00:32:28want to fight like I can't you already
- 00:32:30threw the ring at me like I can't fight
- 00:32:32anymore you know what I mean like I just
- 00:32:34I'm to I'm done I'm done and secondly
- 00:32:37like a week after the engagement ending
- 00:32:40I went and danced with a girl you know
- 00:32:42what I mean like could you imagine like
- 00:32:44the hurt and anger and everything that
- 00:32:46would do to her
- 00:32:50so I was in the wrong a th% should I've
- 00:32:53done it no but I was like dude this is
- 00:32:55my first time in a while where I'm
- 00:32:57having fun like I'm with my boys I'm
- 00:32:59back at a place that's familiar and like
- 00:33:02I take full responsibility for it
- 00:33:04because again if I was in her shoes and
- 00:33:06I saw her out with her girls after our
- 00:33:09engagement just ended and she's dancing
- 00:33:11with a guy like I'd feel some type of
- 00:33:13way too so like what I did wasn't okay
- 00:33:17but telling the whole world that I
- 00:33:18cheated and having a whole we'll get
- 00:33:20we'll get into that
- 00:33:22yeah yeah so I I think it's the
- 00:33:26accountability account ability you're
- 00:33:28taking you you mentioned that you had a
- 00:33:30conversation and said maybe this could
- 00:33:32work yeah but in your eyes when you said
- 00:33:36that you were you all were still broken
- 00:33:38up yeah I you guys were you were broken
- 00:33:40up but did did do you think that maybe
- 00:33:42she took that as like well maybe we're
- 00:33:45still making this work maybe we're still
- 00:33:47kind of together do you think that's
- 00:33:49maybe she might have taken it that way I
- 00:33:51think I think she was more upset at my
- 00:33:54actions in Austin you know what I mean
- 00:33:56rather than focusing more in on that
- 00:33:58yeah of course I can't speak for her but
- 00:34:00when I got back home cuz I she saw the
- 00:34:03someone messaged her the video right M
- 00:34:05and was like Hey you know he's in Austin
- 00:34:08and so she's letting me know like yo we
- 00:34:10haven't even like publicly came out with
- 00:34:13a statement when I got back she was like
- 00:34:14we haven't publicly came out with a
- 00:34:16statement like you know when you're
- 00:34:18dancing with a girl in Austin like I'll
- 00:34:19tell her to delete it but like you need
- 00:34:21to come home like now okay and so you
- 00:34:24know she's blowing up Will's phone she's
- 00:34:26blowing up Daniel's phone pH I'm just
- 00:34:28like yo I just like I was just like damn
- 00:34:31like everything's happening at once I
- 00:34:33was like yo just let me breathe like I
- 00:34:34thought I was having a good time
- 00:34:35enjoying myself and like talking to my
- 00:34:37friends and everything like that I was
- 00:34:39like yo like I just want yeah just like
- 00:34:42I couldn't even get a day of breath like
- 00:34:44I even left the St and I couldn't get a
- 00:34:46day of breath and I think just in that
- 00:34:48moment I was just like yo this is just
- 00:34:50this is just how it's going to be you
- 00:34:52know what I mean it's just like I got to
- 00:34:53accept what happened like I got to
- 00:34:55accept my faults and failures and so um
- 00:34:57I flew back home to Austin or to San
- 00:35:00Diego the next day and uh and then we
- 00:35:04talked and then you know she was just
- 00:35:06like y I just need to see your phone and
- 00:35:08I was like yeah absolutely like whatever
- 00:35:09you need and then that's why I she went
- 00:35:13through my Instagram Snapchat text
- 00:35:15messages phones everything like that and
- 00:35:19uh I didn't know that uh apps you can uh
- 00:35:23down I don't know if you knew that you
- 00:35:24can take Instagram and you could take
- 00:35:27all the data that you've had in Year all
- 00:35:29your deleted messages messages like
- 00:35:32pictures everything like that and you
- 00:35:34can download them all M and so she did
- 00:35:37that for like pretty much all my social
- 00:35:40medias and everything like that and it
- 00:35:42took like five and a half hours and to
- 00:35:44see if six hours or whatever to see if
- 00:35:47you maybe had if I like cheated prior or
- 00:35:51if like this was a reoccurring thing or
- 00:35:52if like what actually happened in Austin
- 00:35:55and stuff like that and so yeah she
- 00:35:58downloaded everything everything and
- 00:35:59didn't find a single thing didn't find
- 00:36:01anything and then that's where the anger
- 00:36:03kind of stemmed from later on and then I
- 00:36:05we'll get into it but just
- 00:36:08like I was just like I would one I'm not
- 00:36:11a cheater like that's just not me that's
- 00:36:13not what I do and that's not who I am
- 00:36:15and then
- 00:36:17two I gave you all the proof and I did
- 00:36:20that for months and months and months
- 00:36:22and months and months after and do you
- 00:36:25want me to start getting into that or
- 00:36:29so this is where it hurts man it's just
- 00:36:33like let's start out like first off I
- 00:36:36love this woman I absolutely love this
- 00:36:38woman more than anything you can see it
- 00:36:40on Paradise like it was just certain
- 00:36:43things that like as a man I wasn't a
- 00:36:45good communicator like I don't think
- 00:36:48I've been a good communicator my entire
- 00:36:50life like I'm able to communicate you
- 00:36:52know feelings I have but communicating
- 00:36:54like the negative ones and the negative
- 00:36:56emotions I strugg with and uh you know
- 00:37:00going on the show off Paradise just
- 00:37:05like that that ruined me like paradise
- 00:37:08just kind of like ruined me like seeing
- 00:37:10everybody hurt all the time and just
- 00:37:13like there was so much negativity from
- 00:37:15like some of the cast members that just
- 00:37:17like when there's so much negativity
- 00:37:19around you know and you're not able to
- 00:37:20like separate yourself to go do
- 00:37:22something like positive or whatever and
- 00:37:23you're just kind of stuck in there it's
- 00:37:25like it does something to you and like
- 00:37:28so I left Paradise leaving I I got
- 00:37:31diagnosed with anxiety leaving paradise
- 00:37:33and like I never had anxiety in my life
- 00:37:35until I left there and it's not because
- 00:37:38of paradise it's not I'm not blaming the
- 00:37:40show or anything it's just like me
- 00:37:42personally I was IM mentally prepared
- 00:37:44after
- 00:37:46like getting heartbroken and then like
- 00:37:49going from that to like you know what
- 00:37:53what was it like a six month turnaround
- 00:37:54or whatever and then like go being right
- 00:37:57back back at it like I just I felt like
- 00:38:00I thought I was prepared for it all and
- 00:38:03like I think I was just more prepared
- 00:38:05that
- 00:38:08like I was prepared to get heartbroken
- 00:38:11again you know what I mean like that's
- 00:38:12why I prepared myself or I didn't
- 00:38:14prepare myself to see other people go
- 00:38:16through similar experiences that I went
- 00:38:18through and like seeing people's hearts
- 00:38:20get ripped out because they're choosing
- 00:38:21another man and they gave this person
- 00:38:23all their love and they're like yo now I
- 00:38:25got to go home you know what I mean and
- 00:38:27just like like that I wasn't prepared I
- 00:38:29was prepared to like handle myself but
- 00:38:31then like you start to care so much for
- 00:38:33these people cuz like again you're
- 00:38:35trauma Bing you're going through it
- 00:38:37you're going through all these highs and
- 00:38:38lows on the show
- 00:38:41and I wasn't prepared yeah just like the
- 00:38:44empathetic part like I didn't need to
- 00:38:47care for everyone but like just me as a
- 00:38:49person like if I care for you like I
- 00:38:51cared for you like if you get hurt then
- 00:38:53I'm hurt with you you know what I mean
- 00:38:56and so I find it interesting so
- 00:38:59you well from a viewer perspective you
- 00:39:02left the
- 00:39:03show engaged yeah so everyone likely
- 00:39:08thought that you extremely happy no I
- 00:39:10was but you were you were at a major low
- 00:39:13Point anxiety for the first time yeah me
- 00:39:16and Serene both we we were both seeing
- 00:39:19therapists on the show just like
- 00:39:21everything that was going on it was just
- 00:39:23a lot it was just a lot like I wasn't
- 00:39:24prepared for it and again not blaming
- 00:39:26show the show I signed up for it the
- 00:39:28show did what the show does you know
- 00:39:30what I mean like they made great TV and
- 00:39:33like they treated us pretty well and
- 00:39:36everything like that but just like you
- 00:39:38know certain aspects is like yeah
- 00:39:42like this guy likes this girl and you
- 00:39:44like this girl you take her on a date
- 00:39:47and everything you know the show's going
- 00:39:49to do what it wants to do is it's going
- 00:39:51to bring this guy to like interrupt at
- 00:39:53some point like if one of those dudes is
- 00:39:55your boy and like you just want to see
- 00:39:57them find love and everything I guess
- 00:39:59you know we just take for instance the
- 00:40:01Rodney and Eliza B just like you know I
- 00:40:04love I I have no I have no hate towards
- 00:40:08any cast member or anything like that
- 00:40:10but just like seeing like how that was
- 00:40:12set up to like put Justin and Rodney in
- 00:40:15like a weird predicament then Liza in a
- 00:40:17weird predicament and it's all three
- 00:40:19people who like I'm getting to know and
- 00:40:21like care about it was just hard to see
- 00:40:23and like understand like yo one of
- 00:40:25them's going to get hurt so that's why
- 00:40:26you see like that episode Everybody's in
- 00:40:28tears and crying it's like we just been
- 00:40:31going through so many lows that we just
- 00:40:33wanted to see a high and then it just
- 00:40:36like never got there so it just like
- 00:40:37felt like every day was just like
- 00:40:40another low and another low and another
- 00:40:42low and so was tough it was just
- 00:40:45tough I don't know if I'll ask this
- 00:40:48right hopefully you'll understand what
- 00:40:50I'm trying to get at
- 00:40:54yeah how did the
- 00:40:57anxiety follow you beyond the show
- 00:41:00because the show is not real life right
- 00:41:03it's a very fabric kind of fabricated
- 00:41:05environment see that's the thing to
- 00:41:07people no but to me bro that's that I'm
- 00:41:10that's real life like I'm mentally
- 00:41:13that's my life right there you know what
- 00:41:14I mean and it at the end of the day it's
- 00:41:17our life it's not TV like it's our life
- 00:41:19like we have to deal with the aftermath
- 00:41:21you know what I mean we have to deal
- 00:41:23with the accountability of our actions
- 00:41:26and everything like that and it's all
- 00:41:27being filmed
- 00:41:2824/7 you know how many ever days that
- 00:41:31were there so
- 00:41:33it's at the end of the day like like you
- 00:41:36saw me like yeah I'm falling in love
- 00:41:38like if I'm I'm in it like I'm here
- 00:41:40because I'm giving you my everything
- 00:41:42like I don't go on the show half ass and
- 00:41:44as you seen like I I'm I'm in it like
- 00:41:47I'm 100% yo let's let's let's see where
- 00:41:51this goes I'm going to give my all and I
- 00:41:53hop off the
- 00:41:54show and it's still my life like
- 00:41:57regardless like everyone else goes home
- 00:41:59but at the end of the day like this gets
- 00:42:00played and I still it's still my life
- 00:42:03and like people know me as Brandon from
- 00:42:04The Bachelor brand from pette Paradise
- 00:42:06or whatever but they follow me off the
- 00:42:09show just because like I mean one day I
- 00:42:12woke up and I was like man I gotta go
- 00:42:13get miked up like I'm probably late like
- 00:42:15what's going to happen today and like if
- 00:42:17me and seren are having a good day in
- 00:42:19the back of my mind I'm like yo this is
- 00:42:20too good like what's going to happen is
- 00:42:23a producer going to send someone in like
- 00:42:25is there something that's going to
- 00:42:26happen it's like that's where the
- 00:42:27anxiety started developing just like I
- 00:42:29was always on alert you know what I mean
- 00:42:31you w getting pulled back mentally into
- 00:42:35Paradise I like it's like I never really
- 00:42:37left you never left it yeah and then
- 00:42:40just
- 00:42:44like yeah so like the first part of the
- 00:42:46relationship that was just me and it was
- 00:42:48like that caused conflict you know what
- 00:42:50I mean like I wasn't healthy and then
- 00:42:51going into
- 00:42:53a like longterm forever Rel relationship
- 00:42:57you know what I mean and not being
- 00:42:58healthy like that's kind of scary for
- 00:43:00that other person and like seeing how
- 00:43:02she was coming off the show and like she
- 00:43:04wasn't like the best either cuz we went
- 00:43:07through it like you know what I mean
- 00:43:09it's just like it was just tough it was
- 00:43:12just tough you feel like you weren't
- 00:43:13your best version of yourself at that
- 00:43:15point no and it's just like she she
- 00:43:18wanted to do everything for the show you
- 00:43:21know and we moved into this new
- 00:43:23apartment in San Diego and I was like yo
- 00:43:26I have no people people here you know
- 00:43:28you have no people here like all I
- 00:43:29wanted to do was
- 00:43:31like go out I wanted to go out I want to
- 00:43:34go do experiences with her and
- 00:43:35everything but she was like no like we
- 00:43:37need everyone's getting caught out like
- 00:43:39we need to be this or this I don't her
- 00:43:43reasoning she just wanted like the show
- 00:43:45to see her in the best light to like so
- 00:43:48that it would present her in the best
- 00:43:50light and so I think I started resenting
- 00:43:52that a little bit early on and like
- 00:43:54talking to my therapist is like she like
- 00:43:57know like yo I think this is just
- 00:43:58resentment that you started building
- 00:43:59early on because I kind of saw like hey
- 00:44:03you're
- 00:44:04not I think you're more here to like get
- 00:44:07that edit because she always expressed
- 00:44:09me to like I just want to be seen I just
- 00:44:12want to be seen I didn't get seen Susie
- 00:44:14got saw saw sawen seen Susie was seen uh
- 00:44:19Rachel was seen Gabby was seen I wasn't
- 00:44:22seen with you you know what I mean on
- 00:44:25the on the Bachelor
- 00:44:27so it was like she was like that's what
- 00:44:30started just building resentment because
- 00:44:31I was like let's go out like who cares
- 00:44:32if we get caught together like let's
- 00:44:34just go out and like do Stu and be in
- 00:44:35love and like you know and I think that
- 00:44:39was just
- 00:44:40tough and so in your experience on
- 00:44:44TV did you ever seek external validation
- 00:44:49did you ever hope to be seen a certain
- 00:44:51way by the audience or did you never
- 00:44:53truly care the way you're perceived I I
- 00:44:56didn't like when I hopped off I didn't
- 00:44:58care I think the only thing I cared
- 00:45:00about was like I had to tell like my
- 00:45:03family like yo
- 00:45:05like I didn't like she chose someone
- 00:45:07else you know what I mean like my my
- 00:45:09thought process like say for instance
- 00:45:11Bachelorette like I didn't care about
- 00:45:12being seen I think it was more just
- 00:45:14someone understanding what I'm going
- 00:45:16through and unfortunately you know
- 00:45:19there's not too many people who make it
- 00:45:21to the end and like get their
- 00:45:22heartbroken and so you know I didn't
- 00:45:24really want to reach out to like these
- 00:45:27top dogs who don't know who I am you
- 00:45:28know what I mean and like ask him like
- 00:45:30Hey how' you get through it and
- 00:45:31everything like that um cuz I just
- 00:45:34figured like hey they would never see
- 00:45:35the message or like you know if I
- 00:45:37reached out to
- 00:45:40uh who was it like I don't know Tyler
- 00:45:43Cameron or like you know some of those
- 00:45:45guys who like who went on the show got
- 00:45:47their heartbroken and then like had to
- 00:45:49deal with life afterwards
- 00:45:51like yeah I just didn't know who to talk
- 00:45:53to and so I didn't care about being seen
- 00:45:55it was just more like I wanted to be on
- 00:45:57St it yeah and like yeah
- 00:46:01so yeah I asked the question because I
- 00:46:03think I can empathize with with her in
- 00:46:05that regard I think there's a AUD
- 00:46:07certain group of people that go on TV
- 00:46:09seeking external validation I was one of
- 00:46:11them um and I think that there's others
- 00:46:14that had enough had enough internal
- 00:46:16validation that they never needed the
- 00:46:18external validation yeah but I think
- 00:46:20there can sometimes be a disconnect
- 00:46:21between those two individuals because
- 00:46:24they did you how did you take that into
- 00:46:26your relationship
- 00:46:28yeah it's a good question um I did I
- 00:46:33takes two to tango ultimately Susie and
- 00:46:35I broke up for things that I wasn't able
- 00:46:37to provide for her and vice
- 00:46:39versa but one thing that I found was
- 00:46:42that when I came off the bachelor I was
- 00:46:45so destroyed I believed everything that
- 00:46:47was being said about me online that I
- 00:46:49lost I lost my masculine energy I lost
- 00:46:52my ability to be the protector to
- 00:46:54provide um I had no stability I was UN
- 00:46:56stable I was in therapy I was needing
- 00:46:59constant validation from her every
- 00:47:01single day so she took on this masculine
- 00:47:03energy of like I'm going to going to
- 00:47:05help rebuild this person back up and she
- 00:47:08did but what happened was I was taking
- 00:47:10all of that energy from her yeah and
- 00:47:12then she needed someone to be there for
- 00:47:15her to help her rebuild and ultimately I
- 00:47:18couldn't get back to that place of
- 00:47:21masculine energy that confidence and
- 00:47:23stability to say hey I'm I'm I can
- 00:47:25protect you I can be there for you you
- 00:47:27yeah and she had no energy left to give
- 00:47:29and she was like I I can't do this
- 00:47:30anymore like I need to heal myself now
- 00:47:32from the
- 00:47:34experience and so yeah I mean that that
- 00:47:37the show followed me beyond the show and
- 00:47:39ultimately I knew that I I have trained
- 00:47:42this woman because I can't be in my
- 00:47:44masculine energy I've been in this place
- 00:47:46of emotional like just a wreck so that
- 00:47:49was me at like the start of the
- 00:47:51relationship was just like took it home
- 00:47:53with me and
- 00:47:55like yeah is just like I was taking so
- 00:47:58much energy from her and just
- 00:48:01like at the end of the day I couldn't
- 00:48:03communicate those negative emotions
- 00:48:06because I felt you know when I did try
- 00:48:08to communicate those negative emotions I
- 00:48:10felt like they weren't reciprocated they
- 00:48:12were just like taken in by her and then
- 00:48:14flipped into oh I felt that once this is
- 00:48:18my story you know what I mean and so in
- 00:48:21time I was just like I'm not blaming her
- 00:48:23for it I was just bad at communicating
- 00:48:25in general and like
- 00:48:27but in time it was just like yo it's
- 00:48:30like even if I try to communicate
- 00:48:32something like that I just feel like
- 00:48:33it's not going to be about me
- 00:48:35after and I I didn't maybe I meant that
- 00:48:39selfishly but just like yo I just want
- 00:48:41to be heard like once and I feel like
- 00:48:42for her she was just like I just want to
- 00:48:44be heard once and so I think off the
- 00:48:46show she was just putting so much energy
- 00:48:48into me because I was just
- 00:48:50like I was just like yo I'm going
- 00:48:53through it and just like I'm just wasn't
- 00:48:56okay after Paradise I just wasn't like
- 00:48:58my sleep wasn't okay like the anxiety
- 00:49:00and like thinking something's going to
- 00:49:02bad happen every single day any hour of
- 00:49:04the day I'm on alert and then I couldn't
- 00:49:06sleep after that and so like then it
- 00:49:09just like my drinking started increasing
- 00:49:12and then I started like going out and
- 00:49:13drinking and then like not dealing with
- 00:49:15my emotions and drinking like obviously
- 00:49:19like that's the worst combo you can do
- 00:49:21as a you know a person who's trying to
- 00:49:24like heal and so
- 00:49:27yeah so I just like I think I just kept
- 00:49:29letting her down over and over and just
- 00:49:31like I just wasn't the best in the first
- 00:49:34part of relationship and she's putting
- 00:49:35energy to me to like bring me back up
- 00:49:38and I just couldn't because like I was
- 00:49:40like I mean we're seeing a therapist
- 00:49:42we're seeing a couple therapists too on
- 00:49:44top of that so it's like I was getting
- 00:49:45the resources but then end the day is
- 00:49:48like I saw stuff in her that I felt like
- 00:49:51she wasn't like helping with and she saw
- 00:49:54stuff in me and she was like oh I don't
- 00:49:55think like you're help with it and I
- 00:49:58think you know at the end of the day
- 00:50:00just like we started just like tearing
- 00:50:02each other down a little bit still
- 00:50:03bringing each other up and I think she
- 00:50:05got to a point where she was like I
- 00:50:07can't keep giving you energy like I need
- 00:50:09energy now so like now I'm going to
- 00:50:11start taking and like you know when I
- 00:50:13don't have energy and she needs energy
- 00:50:15it's like that's kind of like that's
- 00:50:18kind of you know when it starts to like
- 00:50:21fall your relationship starts to fall
- 00:50:23and so did you ever have the thought
- 00:50:25that I mean got to the place where you
- 00:50:27said we can't heal together at this
- 00:50:29point we're going to have to heal
- 00:50:31separately so yeah so that was that was
- 00:50:34the so yeah so pretty much um so first
- 00:50:39start of relationship like you know we
- 00:50:41got into therapy and everything like
- 00:50:43that and therapy was going all right um
- 00:50:46we went on a podcast with the uh lers um
- 00:50:49their new podcast and then after that
- 00:50:51like just talking about like our past
- 00:50:55and everything like that and like what I
- 00:50:56went through you know growing up what
- 00:50:58she went through like it's kind of like
- 00:51:00realizing that we were focusing so much
- 00:51:03energy on like the wrong stuff like we
- 00:51:04didn't even open up about that like I
- 00:51:06didn't tell her about my the whole story
- 00:51:09of like my best friend dying and then my
- 00:51:11grandpa dying and then my cousin dying
- 00:51:13and you know and I just like I just kind
- 00:51:17of like held that in and then so that on
- 00:51:21top of like resentment and everything
- 00:51:22and then communicating that in that
- 00:51:24podcast I think like that helped a
- 00:51:26little bit but
- 00:51:29then did then it's just like it was just
- 00:51:32got to a point where
- 00:51:34like therapy wasn't working anymore and
- 00:51:37like when we f it was like we F and like
- 00:51:42I didn't like her actions that she was
- 00:51:44doing and some of the things that she
- 00:51:45was doing during those fights and during
- 00:51:46those low moments to the point where I
- 00:51:49just like kept I just started resenting
- 00:51:51her resenting her and then she started
- 00:51:53resenting me and you know we couldn't
- 00:51:55like we couldn't even like hug on some
- 00:51:58days and we couldn't kiss each other on
- 00:52:00some days it's just CU she was like yo I
- 00:52:02just like mentally I can't do that I
- 00:52:04can't have any physicality with you
- 00:52:06right now like I just need to like be in
- 00:52:08my room for a day or two and just like
- 00:52:10separate myself from you and you know
- 00:52:12what I mean and vice versa I was like I
- 00:52:15I just can't like I need to I need to go
- 00:52:17do what I need to do and like I need to
- 00:52:20just like separate myself from you for a
- 00:52:22little bit and just like doing that for
- 00:52:24so long man it's just like yo like what
- 00:52:26are we doing like if we're not trying to
- 00:52:28work with each other and like trying to
- 00:52:30like build each other up then it's just
- 00:52:32like I think we both just got to a place
- 00:52:34where it was just like yeah it's just
- 00:52:36not getting better and like we've done
- 00:52:38everything we've exhausted our couple's
- 00:52:41therapy and we've exhausted our single
- 00:52:43therapy and everything like that and
- 00:52:44it's just like you know I would it would
- 00:52:47get to the point where like we would
- 00:52:49have an argument and I would go in like
- 00:52:52try to be calm and everything and then
- 00:52:53she would Resort back to her self you
- 00:52:56know what I mean it say using the
- 00:52:57therapy and then that would trigger me
- 00:52:59and then I would say something that
- 00:53:01would trigger her and then it would just
- 00:53:02go back and forth and
- 00:53:05then ultimately it just like it came
- 00:53:07down to like one of the days where just
- 00:53:10like that I'm I'm a clean person you
- 00:53:13know what I mean and like for my mental
- 00:53:15health to be okay like I need a clean
- 00:53:17house like I needed to be clean and like
- 00:53:20I'll clean if I have to but you know I
- 00:53:23can't keep cleaning up after a person
- 00:53:25you know what I'm saying and so it was
- 00:53:26just a talk was like Hey I know this
- 00:53:28going to be a sensitive subject but like
- 00:53:30I know your mental health you're telling
- 00:53:32me that it's not okay and I want to
- 00:53:33respect that but like this house is a
- 00:53:36mess like you know what I mean
- 00:53:39like like I just need your help and
- 00:53:42cleaning whatever I can do to help you
- 00:53:44do that to do so and it went from like
- 00:53:46that and then it spiked into a whole
- 00:53:48another conflict and spiked into a whole
- 00:53:50another conflict to the point where like
- 00:53:52at the end like I'm sitting on the couch
- 00:53:54screaming at me and I'm like yelling at
- 00:53:56her and then the relationship's over and
- 00:54:00she's throwing the ring at me and I have
- 00:54:01that and it's just like yo
- 00:54:05like like that shit's tough
- 00:54:08dude like that shit's
- 00:54:10tough and
- 00:54:13uh because you want it to work so bad
- 00:54:15but it's just like at the end of the day
- 00:54:16it's just like if it's not your person
- 00:54:18it's not your person whether you could
- 00:54:20try to force it or not and so uh that's
- 00:54:23when denial started and so I was just
- 00:54:26sitting there on the couch I remember I
- 00:54:28just like in awe like I didn't know what
- 00:54:31to do what to say I think I just left
- 00:54:32and then called you or like right after
- 00:54:35but it was just
- 00:54:37like yeah man she was already moving and
- 00:54:39so like that was just such a trigger and
- 00:54:41it's like it was like how could you work
- 00:54:43on a relationship when you're moving
- 00:54:45halfway across and like me I don't want
- 00:54:47to be in Oklahoma you know what I mean
- 00:54:49like that's not where my life is going
- 00:54:50to be like I don't see any positivity in
- 00:54:54my life being in Oklahoma I don't see
- 00:54:56any positivity in life like her idea was
- 00:54:58to move to California so I did that
- 00:55:01full-heartedly I got blamed for living
- 00:55:03in downtown I got blamed for the
- 00:55:05apartment that was chosen I got blamed
- 00:55:07for this I got blamed for that it just
- 00:55:09like I was taking so much accountability
- 00:55:12to the point where like I would just
- 00:55:13take accountability just to take it it
- 00:55:15was like fine like if you want to blame
- 00:55:17like that song like uh Aon the sorry
- 00:55:19blame it on me man I had that [ __ ] on
- 00:55:22repeat dog like I was like yo just blame
- 00:55:24it on sorry just blame it on me just BL
- 00:55:27like I was taking so much accountability
- 00:55:29and
- 00:55:31uh that's what I'm saying so like all my
- 00:55:35actions all the wrongdoings everything
- 00:55:38after an engagement ending going to
- 00:55:40Austin and dancing with the girl like
- 00:55:42that's sickening like that's not the
- 00:55:43person who I am but me at that time like
- 00:55:46I wasn't good like I was not good I just
- 00:55:49lost my engagement I couldn't deal with
- 00:55:51that cuz as a man like who am I going to
- 00:55:52go tell I told you and then I was like
- 00:55:55hey you know what like I just push it
- 00:55:57down you know what I mean it's like who
- 00:55:59do you go tell and so like yeah so I
- 00:56:02want to go out have a few drinks and
- 00:56:05then someone cute girl wanted to dance
- 00:56:07with me okay yeah so yeah was it wrong
- 00:56:10absolutely absolutely like I should have
- 00:56:12never done that but like I did it but to
- 00:56:15be labeled as a cheater is
- 00:56:18crazy and I can I can empathize with you
- 00:56:21because I um the whole crazy situation
- 00:56:23that happened with me with this girl
- 00:56:25that made this false accusation
- 00:56:27um I put myself in a bad position to
- 00:56:29invite her over I was using weed to cope
- 00:56:32yeah so I was using a drug because I had
- 00:56:35just seen suie the week prior and it
- 00:56:38brought back all the emotions like could
- 00:56:40we have made this work yeah and I was
- 00:56:43crying in the car driving away after I
- 00:56:45saw her because I thought I just wanted
- 00:56:47this to work yeah and then I the next
- 00:56:51following weekend I was just trying to
- 00:56:53numb the pain by taking a like a 20
- 00:56:55milligram
- 00:56:56edible and that's when I was caught in a
- 00:56:59moment and I invited this woman over and
- 00:57:02I think we got to give ourselves Grace
- 00:57:03because you know we dealing with
- 00:57:06heartbreak you don't always make the
- 00:57:07best decisions you know and
- 00:57:09unfortunately sometimes you especially
- 00:57:12in the spotlight it's you know
- 00:57:14everyone's watching Everyone's Watching
- 00:57:17I think that you
- 00:57:18know that's the thing is like I accepted
- 00:57:21you know what I did I took fault and I
- 00:57:23did that for months and months after
- 00:57:26unnecessarily but I did that for months
- 00:57:28after with her privately behind closed
- 00:57:30doors the thing that gets me is
- 00:57:34that yo after seeing what you went
- 00:57:36through I'm not going to lie like that
- 00:57:38just like I was living in fear I'm not
- 00:57:41going to lie I was living in fear of
- 00:57:43this woman because she could say
- 00:57:44whatever that she wanted and anyone and
- 00:57:46everyone would believe her she would go
- 00:57:48to everyone in like Bachelor Nation to
- 00:57:51get her on her side and tell horrible
- 00:57:54stories about me just to like oh yeah he
- 00:57:57did this he did this he did this that's
- 00:57:59not yeah this is just the person he is
- 00:58:01this is
- 00:58:02like someone who I love so much and
- 00:58:05someone who you love and like someone
- 00:58:06who you put so much time and effort into
- 00:58:08and you make so many mistakes and at the
- 00:58:11end of the day at the end of day man she
- 00:58:14just wanted to see me fall and she
- 00:58:16just the
- 00:58:19worst let me can I tell that story share
- 00:58:23whatever you want yeah just
- 00:58:29bro my engagement ended all right and
- 00:58:31then I'm going through this and then I
- 00:58:33get back home she goes through
- 00:58:34everything right she doesn't find
- 00:58:36anything we're talking and everything
- 00:58:39and it's just like everything's fine you
- 00:58:41know what I mean like obviously we're
- 00:58:42both crying she needs her time that's
- 00:58:43cool like take your time understand what
- 00:58:45you have to process like your ex fiance
- 00:58:48just went and danced with a girl a week
- 00:58:49later like process do what you need to
- 00:58:51do your dad's coming in a couple days to
- 00:58:54like pick up everything and then you're
- 00:58:56leaving back to Oklahoma like process
- 00:58:58what you need to do we spent a whole day
- 00:59:01she wanted to spend the whole day
- 00:59:03together you know I mean that's why I
- 00:59:04came early before she left right if I
- 00:59:07was a cheater do you think that you
- 00:59:08would really want to spend a whole day
- 00:59:10with me cherishing everything before you
- 00:59:14leave do all that I help her pack you
- 00:59:17know we're laughing giggling stuff like
- 00:59:19that and just like crying at the same
- 00:59:22time because like this apartment is
- 00:59:24getting emptier and emptier empty here
- 00:59:26and it's just like that was tough you
- 00:59:28know what I mean to like pack up all her
- 00:59:30stuff and like help her move and we're
- 00:59:32in the parking garage is like crying and
- 00:59:34holding each other like are we making
- 00:59:35the right decision like what's going on
- 00:59:38everything's ending and you know kind of
- 00:59:40moving past that denial part like this
- 00:59:41is actually happening and like
- 00:59:44everything is all crashing down all at
- 00:59:46once and you're talking to her and
- 00:59:48you're both crying kissing and you're
- 00:59:49like what are we doing is this going to
- 00:59:52be okay
- 00:59:53whatever and uh and and then seeing her
- 00:59:56go like I went back up to the apartment
- 00:59:58and the apartment was filled with her
- 01:00:00stuff you know what I mean it was pretty
- 01:00:02much all her stuff like I left
- 01:00:03everything back in Austin Texas sold it
- 01:00:05off whatever and I'm I'm going back to
- 01:00:08an apartment with my bed on the ground
- 01:00:10you know what I mean and I was just like
- 01:00:12it's just like yo I just mentally broke
- 01:00:15down heavy and I was just like yo I'm in
- 01:00:17the Valley you know what I mean like I'm
- 01:00:18in the trenches like I'm just I can't
- 01:00:22stay here and look at this empty
- 01:00:24apartment and so
- 01:00:27that's when it got worse it's just
- 01:00:29like her healing her type of healing is
- 01:00:32she wants to lock herself in her
- 01:00:33apartment and kind of just like take
- 01:00:35everything in for several days a week
- 01:00:37whatever but she just wants to like stay
- 01:00:39grounded in her apartment I he a little
- 01:00:42different um I'll process it for
- 01:00:46like couple hours everything like that
- 01:00:49you know a couple hours during the day
- 01:00:50Journal do everything that I need to do
- 01:00:53then I'll go out like I'll go to a
- 01:00:56baseball game or I'll go to a bar or
- 01:00:58I'll go see a friend or like I can't
- 01:01:00take everything in all at once you know
- 01:01:03what I'm saying like I just don't think
- 01:01:05that's healthy because you take so much
- 01:01:07and then you get overwhelmed with how
- 01:01:08much that you're taking that like you're
- 01:01:10not processing and it's like I felt like
- 01:01:12I just needed glimpses of Happiness like
- 01:01:14throughout to like hey okay you know
- 01:01:17what I'm in a better mood let's process
- 01:01:20and like you know I'll go down and then
- 01:01:21I'll get back up and then I go down and
- 01:01:24I get back up instead of just like
- 01:01:25staying down keep digging digging
- 01:01:27digging digging and then just
- 01:01:30like just like leaving my like that's
- 01:01:33what she did it's like I didn't want to
- 01:01:35be locked in the house you know what I
- 01:01:37mean and just
- 01:01:39like so I started I healed for a whole
- 01:01:42month didn't do anything really like
- 01:01:44kind of process stay to myself like
- 01:01:46we'll go out to dinner and like we'll go
- 01:01:48do stuff and stuff like that but just
- 01:01:50like for a whole month and this happened
- 01:01:52in May junisha happened and it was all
- 01:01:56my friends coming to town for Fourth of
- 01:01:58July and some of her friends were going
- 01:02:00to be there too and I think just
- 01:02:04like that kind of hurt her in a way that
- 01:02:07like I was able to spend all this time
- 01:02:08with my friends in San Diego and like be
- 01:02:10out and like have fun and like post that
- 01:02:13and to the point where she was
- 01:02:16like that's what I was saying is like
- 01:02:18she was just such in a whole dealing
- 01:02:21with everything and like it was so dark
- 01:02:24and it was just like I believe that was
- 01:02:25just so much that like that's why I
- 01:02:27process the way I process because if I
- 01:02:29saw her out with her friends drinking
- 01:02:31having a good time you know I'm already
- 01:02:34in a spot where like I'm not dealing
- 01:02:35with everything at once but like like
- 01:02:38I'm going through highs and lows instead
- 01:02:39of just like staying there and just like
- 01:02:41oh another thing added another thing
- 01:02:43added and uh she hated the way that I
- 01:02:47was doing it she just hated that and uh
- 01:02:52Fourth of July you know she's calling me
- 01:02:53all through fourth of July just telling
- 01:02:55me like how much it hurts and how much
- 01:02:57like being separated hurts and
- 01:03:00like you know these are her friends too
- 01:03:03and stuff like that and she you know it
- 01:03:06got started off okay and then it just
- 01:03:08got worse and worse and worse and worse
- 01:03:10and like you know I would be on the
- 01:03:12phone for one time 30 minutes and i' be
- 01:03:14on the phone for two hours I'm trying to
- 01:03:16get off because I have to go to a dinner
- 01:03:18for a birthday party for Sam and um
- 01:03:21Landon's wife and stuff like that and or
- 01:03:24fiance and
- 01:03:27um yeah it's just it just got worse and
- 01:03:30worse and she's like she just ended up
- 01:03:32just going to a super dark place and
- 01:03:34then dude this is this is when I hit
- 01:03:37depression like this is when I was at my
- 01:03:40lowest and it was
- 01:03:41because you know it started off to where
- 01:03:44we had an amical breakup like you know
- 01:03:47we had a post together we did our post
- 01:03:49together when I got back from Austin
- 01:03:51right and uh I think what ruined her is
- 01:03:54like seeing the comments of like girl
- 01:03:56saying like oh you know like he's
- 01:03:57available now and like stuff like that
- 01:03:59and like I think that hurt her a lot and
- 01:04:03just like all these things like she had
- 01:04:04a process just
- 01:04:06like
- 01:04:08I dude she just took it all out on me
- 01:04:13just like everything everything she just
- 01:04:16like would call me and then it got to a
- 01:04:18point where I'd be getting cussed out
- 01:04:20for like three four hours at a time you
- 01:04:23know what I mean and it just be like
- 01:04:25it's like yo she's tell me constantly
- 01:04:28like oh I don't see that your rock
- 01:04:30bottom so I'm going to make sure that
- 01:04:31you're rock bottom and I'm I'm GNA let
- 01:04:34you know like I got a plan to go on kayn
- 01:04:36Bristol's podcast and say that you
- 01:04:38cheated and uh I'm G to tell the world
- 01:04:40that you cheated so that no girl in Bach
- 01:04:43Nation would want to be with you and
- 01:04:45that no girl any girl who wants to be
- 01:04:46with you and looks you up that's the
- 01:04:48first thing that they see so every
- 01:04:50single time I have to talk about that
- 01:04:52and talk about my relationship with her
- 01:04:54with every single girl that I see
- 01:04:57and it got to a point where I was just
- 01:04:59like yo do I want to do this anymore man
- 01:05:01like do I want to like do I got to do is
- 01:05:03this going to be my life from now on
- 01:05:05because I don't want this to be my
- 01:05:06[ __ ] life from now on you know what I
- 01:05:08mean like I'll get eight calls at 5: in
- 01:05:11the morning and I got to talk to her
- 01:05:12till 3: and if I don't talk to her she's
- 01:05:15going to release the 80 videos that she
- 01:05:17has of secretly recorded fights you know
- 01:05:20or she's going to release whatever she's
- 01:05:23going to go on the podcast and ruin my
- 01:05:25life and I just heard this over and over
- 01:05:26and over and over and then all a sudden
- 01:05:28boom I'm back on the show it's just like
- 01:05:31yo what's going to happen today and then
- 01:05:33my anxiety start going up and it start
- 01:05:35leading into depression and I didn't
- 01:05:36know who to go to and I couldn't afford
- 01:05:38therapy at the time because I'm paying
- 01:05:40for this highly price apartment and I'm
- 01:05:42dealing with her and then like brand
- 01:05:44deals are suffering because like I'm
- 01:05:46going through a breakup and like I'm not
- 01:05:48posting I'm not doing any of that and
- 01:05:51like and then now I'm moving at the same
- 01:05:53time too and he's just like and then I'm
- 01:05:55going going through this every single
- 01:05:56day and I'm crying every single day and
- 01:05:58I'm just I'm just like fearful of my
- 01:06:01life every single day cuz she's like I'm
- 01:06:02going to do this I have a plan I have a
- 01:06:04plan I'm gonna do this I'm gonna ruin
- 01:06:05your life I'mma ruin your life don't you
- 01:06:07[ __ ] talk don't you say a [ __ ]
- 01:06:09word if you say a [ __ ] word I'm gonna
- 01:06:11I'm gonna ruin your [ __ ] life and
- 01:06:12he's just
- 01:06:14like yo over and over and over and just
- 01:06:19like you know what I mean it's like
- 01:06:23yo the whole time I was like I'm sorry
- 01:06:26that hurt you you know what I mean like
- 01:06:28at the end of the day
- 01:06:29I I wanted to hate her so bad but just
- 01:06:33like I couldn't because I loved her so
- 01:06:34much I was like yo I'm sorry that hurt
- 01:06:36so I just took accountability for her
- 01:06:38like oh should I even be feeling this
- 01:06:40right now like maybe I should maybe I do
- 01:06:43need like deserve this right because
- 01:06:46that in the beginning of the
- 01:06:47relationship my faults and my actions
- 01:06:50wasn't the character that I was
- 01:06:52displaying to everyone else you know
- 01:06:54what I mean and so
- 01:06:58uh yeah man just like this abuse over
- 01:07:01and over and then her showing me these
- 01:07:0380 videos of secretly recorded fights
- 01:07:06and it went from it went from oh I'm
- 01:07:09just going to show the therapist this so
- 01:07:11that we could work on these together and
- 01:07:13I'm just recording our fights so we
- 01:07:14could work on these together to oh these
- 01:07:16are just for you and I'm just going to
- 01:07:17show you and you alone to uh oh now like
- 01:07:22if you say anything against me I'm going
- 01:07:23to release these videos and so like
- 01:07:26like that's why I just lived in Fury
- 01:07:28dude
- 01:07:30and then I [ __ ] dude on top of that
- 01:07:33I'm deing processing and then January
- 01:07:35comes and the producer comes out with
- 01:07:37her podcast and all I hear is that
- 01:07:40Serene the whole time has been
- 01:07:42sending
- 01:07:44[ __ ] gym photos and bikini photos and
- 01:07:47telling this her boyfriend this producer
- 01:07:50on the show who was my best friend that
- 01:07:53oh yeah the chemistry has been there the
- 01:07:55whole time and I'm going out to see him
- 01:07:58with her and we're on his boat and me
- 01:08:01and her are in an argument I'm like yo
- 01:08:02that was a little weird between you and
- 01:08:04this individual right and then to hear
- 01:08:06that they had the same argument saying
- 01:08:08like hey it's clear that's Rene
- 01:08:11obviously has feelings for you and stuff
- 01:08:12and now I have to process this on my own
- 01:08:14because I don't know who to tell and
- 01:08:16like what to do and she's calling me
- 01:08:19when the podcast comes out saying like
- 01:08:20oh it's it's none of it's true it's none
- 01:08:22of it's true and then I'm seeing the
- 01:08:24text messages of like from what she was
- 01:08:26saying to the text messag is like oh
- 01:08:28yeah no it's true it's
- 01:08:31like you know how much anger I had you
- 01:08:34know
- 01:08:35it I went and did a podcast that next
- 01:08:38month and I was just angry man I was I
- 01:08:42was angry I acted I have emotion I just
- 01:08:45the podcast Never released because I
- 01:08:48couldn't allow that but just like I was
- 01:08:50I was
- 01:08:51upset you know I took this [ __ ] gut
- 01:08:54punch for her I took all this abuse from
- 01:08:57her and I took I took day in and day out
- 01:09:02everyone just like hating on me my DMs
- 01:09:04and anything that I posted it would be a
- 01:09:06comment of your piece of [ __ ] you
- 01:09:08cheated you cheated this that and my
- 01:09:11family's taking this too any any picture
- 01:09:13any post any comment my family would get
- 01:09:15comments of that my friends would get
- 01:09:17comments of that to the point where like
- 01:09:20people I just feel like people in bachor
- 01:09:21nation just didn't even want to [ __ ]
- 01:09:23with me anymore you know what I mean
- 01:09:24that's like that's like tough cuz like I
- 01:09:26understand like why would you want to
- 01:09:27hang around someone who you're seeing is
- 01:09:30portrayed as this way you know what I
- 01:09:32mean and all that [ __ ] hurt and I just
- 01:09:35like I just took it to the [ __ ] chin
- 01:09:37I was like you know what I'm gonna be
- 01:09:39silent I'm GNA trust in God and just
- 01:09:40like understand like everything happens
- 01:09:42for a reason and I felt like just taking
- 01:09:44it to the chin was just like the best
- 01:09:47the best idea you know what I mean but
- 01:09:50at the end it's just like I took more
- 01:09:52than that it's like I didn't prepare
- 01:09:54myself I didn't prepare myself for the
- 01:09:55comments I prep I just assume that I
- 01:09:57just gave so many of these people my
- 01:10:00life and like who I am as a person
- 01:10:03multiple times to the point they would
- 01:10:05see through that and they' be like oh
- 01:10:06yeah
- 01:10:09no but do
- 01:10:12you do you want to rec reconcile with
- 01:10:16her I don't even know what reconcile is
- 01:10:19do you want to like at this point you
- 01:10:21know what I mean like yeah are you just
- 01:10:24I don't want to walk dude and I know
- 01:10:26like that's why that's why like I know
- 01:10:29after this man she's going to she's
- 01:10:32going to do something and it's like I
- 01:10:34just accepted it
- 01:10:35like I just accepted
- 01:10:38it whatever it is it's going to be badge
- 01:10:41it's going to be part of her plan that
- 01:10:42she's had this whole time it's it's just
- 01:10:45like
- 01:10:47she I just been so manipulated and so
- 01:10:51like hurt by all this dude to the point
- 01:10:54where just like it's just like just do
- 01:10:56it you know what I mean at this point
- 01:10:57like you already told me your entire
- 01:10:59plan like I already see your plan I
- 01:11:01already know what your plan is it's like
- 01:11:03you're G to go release those videos okay
- 01:11:05go release the videos like that's what
- 01:11:07you're going to
- 01:11:08do and you're going to go to reality
- 01:11:10Stam and tell them whatever or you're
- 01:11:12going to go do this or you're GNA go do
- 01:11:14that just like just like it's okay you
- 01:11:18know at the end of the day just
- 01:11:20like I've already taken so much to the
- 01:11:22[ __ ] chin over and over and like from
- 01:11:25the start of this [ __ ] show bro I've
- 01:11:27taken it to the chin and I get back up
- 01:11:29take it to the chin again B get back up
- 01:11:31take it to the chin it's just like yo
- 01:11:34being this [ __ ] nice guy sucks just
- 01:11:37being the nice guy sucks it's like one
- 01:11:39time I want to be a [ __ ] Savage you
- 01:11:40know what I mean and like one time like
- 01:11:43one time I just want to like go out and
- 01:11:45just be the bad guy you know what I mean
- 01:11:47just like not give a [ __ ] about what
- 01:11:48anyone says or what anyone's actions are
- 01:11:51like yeah you want to start it let's
- 01:11:53start it like let's just like go Toe to
- 01:11:55Toe and do it you know what I mean but
- 01:11:56it's just
- 01:11:59like I'm just not that [ __ ] person
- 01:12:01and just sucks you know sometimes I wish
- 01:12:04I was that person you know what I mean
- 01:12:06like I just want to like say [ __ ] you to
- 01:12:08everyone I want I want that Slim Shady
- 01:12:10you know what I mean just like cancel me
- 01:12:12do what I bro yeah sometimes being the
- 01:12:16bigger
- 01:12:17person [ __ ] is satisfying it's not it's
- 01:12:20I don't think I've yeah it's just not
- 01:12:23yeah I mean take the high Ro back the
- 01:12:26end the
- 01:12:27ages but at what cost yeah I mean
- 01:12:29especially that's the thing is like I'm
- 01:12:31speaking out now this is the one thing
- 01:12:33she didn't want me to do and Alana spoke
- 01:12:37out or sorry the producer spoke out and
- 01:12:39that was the one thing she probably
- 01:12:40didn't want her to do it's just like I
- 01:12:43feel like she got a plan for
- 01:12:45this and after hearing it for six months
- 01:12:48hours on in hearing the plan over and
- 01:12:51over how my life's getting get ruined
- 01:12:53I'm telling her I'm in such a depression
- 01:12:54such a
- 01:12:55and her like no I don't see it but no
- 01:12:59you're going to feel it and hearing that
- 01:13:00over and over just like it's like yo
- 01:13:03dating after has been tragic for me just
- 01:13:07tragic it's just like fully trusting
- 01:13:10someone like to the point where I'll
- 01:13:11just be like yeah I trust you but it's
- 01:13:13like I to the point I yeah I just don't
- 01:13:16trust anyone in that sense and it's like
- 01:13:19that's tough and like that's something I
- 01:13:21got to work on like I think that's so
- 01:13:24when you're saying like yo are you at
- 01:13:26your Peak it's like no it's cuz
- 01:13:28like I just don't have the Trust In
- 01:13:32someone do you think there's a
- 01:13:37possibility for or rather do you do you
- 01:13:40have hope that there's a way that you
- 01:13:44and Serene can both make amends and
- 01:13:47there can be a best case scenario do you
- 01:13:48think it's possible and if so how how do
- 01:13:51you get
- 01:13:53there instead of
- 01:13:55this becoming the her next step do you
- 01:13:58think there's a way to reverse this
- 01:14:00between you two and
- 01:14:01and and be able to I don't know go back
- 01:14:05to building each other up and finding a
- 01:14:07positive way forward I don't know
- 01:14:12just I
- 01:14:15mean I mean you know her too after
- 01:14:17everything I told you like do you do you
- 01:14:20think they is like that's why I I wish I
- 01:14:23wish you know because I don't hate her I
- 01:14:27don't hate her after everything that
- 01:14:28she's put me through at the end of day I
- 01:14:30still don't hate
- 01:14:32her but I've held my oh my gosh it's
- 01:14:35just like I'm angry you know what I mean
- 01:14:37I'm frustrated like my character was
- 01:14:39like thrown under the
- 01:14:40bus and the person who I am was throwing
- 01:14:44on the bus and like the person who my
- 01:14:45parents raised was throwing under the
- 01:14:47bus all in one fail
- 01:14:49Su what just to make me feel pain even
- 01:14:52more pain than what I was already
- 01:14:54feeling you know what I mean it's like
- 01:14:56what does amends kind of look like at
- 01:14:58that point it's like at this point is
- 01:15:00like amends to me is hey I hope you find
- 01:15:03your person I hope you're with them I
- 01:15:05hope that you do you and
- 01:15:08like I hope just like just like I get
- 01:15:11left alone at the end of the day you
- 01:15:13know what I mean like I just want to be
- 01:15:15left alone from her like I I just want
- 01:15:17this to be like yo I'm I'm I'm good I'm
- 01:15:20done I have no more fight I don't want
- 01:15:22to hurt you I don't want to be hurt by
- 01:15:24you anymore more like I'm just I
- 01:15:28just please like please just do you
- 01:15:31please like I you know that's kind of
- 01:15:33what it's been now so I'm okay with it
- 01:15:35but at the same time just
- 01:15:37like what's been killing me is man just
- 01:15:40holding this [ __ ] in just like day and
- 01:15:43and day I've been holding this in for
- 01:15:45months now for months and people may be
- 01:15:47like oh it's a little bit late for that
- 01:15:49and [ __ ] like that's fine that's cool
- 01:15:51but like I did this so many months ago
- 01:15:55to the point where I was just like it
- 01:15:56just Aid at me
- 01:15:59that I was like no you know what like I
- 01:16:01need to do this I need to do this like
- 01:16:03if I'm going to move on for myself
- 01:16:06personally like I need to do this like I
- 01:16:08was in a public
- 01:16:10relationship they deserve to hear you
- 01:16:12know my faults and my actions and the
- 01:16:16terrible person that I was as well what
- 01:16:18I went through and so I don't know what
- 01:16:22a men's looks like all I want all I wish
- 01:16:23for her is just like hey just please do
- 01:16:26you you you want her to let you go just
- 01:16:28let me go yeah just be happy I hope
- 01:16:31she's happy right now I hope she's doing
- 01:16:33her thing I hope she's dating I hope
- 01:16:35she's out there I hope she's you know
- 01:16:37trusting in other
- 01:16:39people but I just I just I think making
- 01:16:43amends right now is just like hey we
- 01:16:44once had love for each other but now I
- 01:16:46think it's just like time to go I think
- 01:16:49that's kind of what it's been at right
- 01:16:50now so I think that's been good but just
- 01:16:52like that's what I'm saying is like I'm
- 01:16:54not here to start a war
- 01:16:56but I can't I can't go another night
- 01:16:58just
- 01:17:01like dude this happened recent too I was
- 01:17:03just out and just like someone came up
- 01:17:06to me she was like she was like Hey like
- 01:17:09your Brandon and everything I was like
- 01:17:10yeah and she was like so uh um how has
- 01:17:14it been you know after cheating on
- 01:17:16Serene and everything like that and then
- 01:17:19just hearing that even to this day I was
- 01:17:21just like okay you know what
- 01:17:23like one
- 01:17:25I just need to say something I just need
- 01:17:27to say something or this is going to be
- 01:17:28the rest of my life and then my kids are
- 01:17:30going to look back and they're going to
- 01:17:32look me up and they'll be like oh hey
- 01:17:33Dad you cheated like how come you didn't
- 01:17:35say something like how come you didn't
- 01:17:37have the strength and courage to like
- 01:17:38stand up for yourself yeah like how can
- 01:17:40they stand up for themselves if they see
- 01:17:42that their own father didn't want to
- 01:17:43stand up for them for himself you know
- 01:17:45what I mean
- 01:17:46so yeah I I I don't think people realize
- 01:17:50how hard it is to navigate in the
- 01:17:53spotlight uh when
- 01:17:55when you Google your name Brandon Jones
- 01:17:57bachette it's the third source is about
- 01:18:00the cheating yeah accusation
- 01:18:04yeah I I can I can relate to that and
- 01:18:06it's hard because our our public
- 01:18:08perception I mean it does it follows us
- 01:18:10and it follows us for years after the
- 01:18:12show I still get DMS from people you're
- 01:18:15[ __ ] piece of [ __ ] for what you did
- 01:18:17to suszie I just watched the episode I'm
- 01:18:18like that was yeah three years ago yeah
- 01:18:21it doesn't stop I'm not even the same
- 01:18:23person doesn't stop but but but you you
- 01:18:25lashed out like that that anger and
- 01:18:27aggression just it never ends and it
- 01:18:30does hurt because it's like when you're
- 01:18:31trying to heal it's like people keep
- 01:18:33stabbing at the wound yeah and that's
- 01:18:35the point is like man we were both there
- 01:18:37trying to heal and it's the one person
- 01:18:40who I love the most is the one who's
- 01:18:42like stabbing and stabbing and telling
- 01:18:45me hey I want to keep you on Rock Bottom
- 01:18:48I want to show you what rock Autumn is
- 01:18:51and like just hearing those words and
- 01:18:53like that is I think that's just crazy
- 01:18:57that's just that's just the most wild
- 01:18:58thing and it's like you know what if
- 01:19:02this what you have to do is this makes
- 01:19:03you feel better like I'll do that for
- 01:19:05you because I love you and I'll stay on
- 01:19:07this phone with you because I love you
- 01:19:09and I did that for four or five months
- 01:19:12hours I want you know it wasn't like a
- 01:19:1520 minute phone call these are like six
- 01:19:17hour phone calls to where I'm getting
- 01:19:20maybe three four words in and I'm just
- 01:19:22listening and I'm hearing her she said
- 01:19:25hey you know I need closure let's get
- 01:19:28closure forour phone call we're fine hey
- 01:19:31I hope you have a great time in Oklahoma
- 01:19:33say hello to the family enjoy yourself
- 01:19:35next week eight phone calls I need your
- 01:19:37phone records I need this I need that I
- 01:19:40need this I need that and just
- 01:19:42like dude just never stopped and then
- 01:19:45being in the spotlight is like people
- 01:19:48are going out hey Brandon like can I get
- 01:19:50a picture and I'm in depression I'm like
- 01:19:53no like I've never said no to a picture
- 01:19:56though but just like trying to fake it
- 01:19:58you know what I mean like how you doing
- 01:20:00oh yeah I'm good I'm great I can't look
- 01:20:02at you and be like Oh I'm in such a
- 01:20:04[ __ ] depression right now like yeah
- 01:20:06how are you doing you know what I mean
- 01:20:08and
- 01:20:10so dude this has just been I went from a
- 01:20:13kid who like no one knew you know what I
- 01:20:15mean posted on social media once a year
- 01:20:19didn't didn't care about social media
- 01:20:22you know live my life and like now
- 01:20:25everybody knows you know who my parents
- 01:20:27are and where I go to eat and where I
- 01:20:30live and all
- 01:20:32this yeah I don't it's just
- 01:20:35wild you just want people to see you for
- 01:20:37the real you I don't even care if they
- 01:20:39see me for the real me I just want them
- 01:20:41to understand that the person that they
- 01:20:43saw on TV is the person off screen too
- 01:20:46like I've never changed so the fact that
- 01:20:49like one I'm sorry that y'all been hurt
- 01:20:51by so many people who have changed off
- 01:20:53screen but like I gave that's what I'm
- 01:20:55going back to like I gave my all like I
- 01:20:57didn't go on this show and be like okay
- 01:20:59yeah let's promote my pizza business or
- 01:21:02like let's you know let's do
- 01:21:06this Ah that's a that's a throwback
- 01:21:09that's a throwback but just like I was
- 01:21:11like yo if I'm ending up with this girl
- 01:21:13I'm ending up this girl if I'm not then
- 01:21:14I'm not I'm gonna give my all you know
- 01:21:16what I mean and like I'm not gonna hop
- 01:21:18off the show and be a whole different
- 01:21:20person she's like who the [ __ ] are you
- 01:21:22you know what I mean like it's just Wast
- 01:21:24of your time and her time and
- 01:21:27so how do you feel having kind of let
- 01:21:30this out dude I feel so [ __ ] good
- 01:21:33this you know how long this has been
- 01:21:34like good dude and just all the anger
- 01:21:37and the phone calls with you and just
- 01:21:39like you've been a blessing in my life
- 01:21:41too and I hope you know that and just
- 01:21:44like d it's just man and nobody knows
- 01:21:48and like I just went through all this
- 01:21:49pain and nobody knows and like I think
- 01:21:52that's what I struggle with is just like
- 01:21:53nobody knows
- 01:21:56and like that's what's crazy and I'm
- 01:21:57taking this abuse still to this day
- 01:21:59nobody knows yeah and so yeah I think
- 01:22:04this is today's discussion you our
- 01:22:06conversation is a
- 01:22:08powerful um example of the power of
- 01:22:11addressing something not suppressing it
- 01:22:13because yeah when you suppress something
- 01:22:16it just builds and builds and builds
- 01:22:18builds until it creates an emotional
- 01:22:19Outburst or it destroys the the
- 01:22:21individual yeah so I I think through
- 01:22:24addressing it it's like you can let that
- 01:22:26out and stop holding on to it with
- 01:22:29then and that's what I was hoping that
- 01:22:32we could accomplish today um I think I
- 01:22:35was just losing myself holding on to it
- 01:22:37for so long and just living in fear to
- 01:22:40the point where I was just like why like
- 01:22:42why am I doing this you know what I mean
- 01:22:44like why am I losing my own self and
- 01:22:46succumbing to my own fear you know what
- 01:22:48I mean why should just accept it yeah
- 01:22:50and understand like this is the reality
- 01:22:51these are the repercussions that may
- 01:22:53follow but like
- 01:22:55I'm not about to lose myself again to
- 01:22:57this you know what I mean this is what
- 01:22:58you feel is best for you in your heart
- 01:23:01yeah and so you're going to live your
- 01:23:03truth and yeah and whatever
- 01:23:05repercussions without trying to hurt her
- 01:23:07in any way possible but just like
- 01:23:10understanding just like hey you
- 01:23:14know what you did was [ __ ] up yeah was
- 01:23:17[ __ ] up and like I've been taking
- 01:23:18account in ability this entire time
- 01:23:23like again takes two to tango and I just
- 01:23:26yeah man yeah yeah I sorry dude it just
- 01:23:31feels good feels good right like as men
- 01:23:34we don't get to [ __ ] do this you know
- 01:23:36what I mean it's just like yeah a lot of
- 01:23:37men don't know how to have these
- 01:23:39conversations or you know vulnerability
- 01:23:42they see it as a weakness but I think it
- 01:23:44takes true strength to to be able to let
- 01:23:47all this out yeah because it does open
- 01:23:49you up to criticism it does open you up
- 01:23:52to opinions but ultimately
- 01:23:55you know if it if you if you need to let
- 01:23:58it go if you need to get it out there
- 01:23:59for your own wellbeing then I think
- 01:24:02sometimes it's it's okay for us to be
- 01:24:03selfish and say I have to let this out
- 01:24:05just because in my heart this is what I
- 01:24:06need yeah and I'm grateful man that we
- 01:24:10could have this conversation today um I
- 01:24:12was hoping that ultimately you could
- 01:24:14just feel that you were in a better
- 01:24:16place because I knew that this was you
- 01:24:17know bubbling up well yeah I've L yeah
- 01:24:21I've been doing good I've been sober I
- 01:24:22haven't been drinking anything like that
- 01:24:25so that's
- 01:24:26been that was something I was like yo
- 01:24:28can I do this you know what I mean and
- 01:24:31yeah so I've been I haven't been
- 01:24:33drinking it's been good going out to the
- 01:24:35club with water has been crazy but you
- 01:24:38you know yourself and what you I know
- 01:24:39myself yeah and just understanding like
- 01:24:41see there's a lot of beauty that came
- 01:24:43from it I think that's why like I was
- 01:24:46just personally in taking the beauty
- 01:24:48from it and then dealing with the
- 01:24:50negative later and like kind of
- 01:24:52suppressing it just to be like all right
- 01:24:53there is some that like came through me
- 01:24:55and like yeah so that's you find the
- 01:24:58silver lining found the Silver Lining
- 01:25:01journaling too journaling crazy hey you
- 01:25:03read my journal book bro it's crazy no
- 01:25:05mine's nuts too but I think you you a
- 01:25:07really powerful thing to to end on
- 01:25:10is I found and and it sounds like you
- 01:25:13feel the same way you're able to let go
- 01:25:17of past trauma once you can find the
- 01:25:18positive or the Silver Lining amongst it
- 01:25:20yeah so that's I think an Al also
- 01:25:23another really powerful lesson from this
- 01:25:25discussion today is that if you're
- 01:25:28looking to let go of trauma you have to
- 01:25:29be able to find that positive amongst
- 01:25:31the negative to be able to say okay I
- 01:25:33went through this for a reason and now
- 01:25:35I'm okay with I've been able to make
- 01:25:37amends and I've been able to accept the
- 01:25:40fifth stage of grief I'm I've been I'm
- 01:25:43able to accept that I went through this
- 01:25:45for a purpose therefore I'm okay with
- 01:25:46the fact that I had to go through with
- 01:25:47it in the first place yeah and that's
- 01:25:49how you truly let something go so yeah
- 01:25:52I'm glad that you feel that you're place
- 01:25:54and and brand I just I love you to death
- 01:25:57man you're such a you're such a good
- 01:25:59friend and and and you are one of the
- 01:26:01few people that I can talk to about this
- 01:26:03because we went through something so
- 01:26:04unique yeah so thank you so much I think
- 01:26:06your story is powerful I think it'll
- 01:26:07help a lot of people and I just really
- 01:26:08appreciate your vulnerability today I
- 01:26:10appreciate you my guy absolutely dude
- 01:26:12appreciate you
- Breakup
- Mental Health
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Reality TV
- Journaling
- Self-awareness
- Public Scrutiny
- Personal Growth