The Simple Mindset That Makes You Attractive AF! Dr. Robert Glover

00:30:04
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y6wXCJ2Ha4

Résumé

TLDRVideoen udforsker temaerne selvrespekt, ansvar og personlig udvikling gennem deling af personlige erfaringer. Fortælleren refererer til en 2007 Mercedes ML63 AMG med en signeret motor, som en metafor for at tage ansvar for sit liv og de valg, man træffer. Han diskuterer, hvordan man kan udvikle karakter ved at omfavne udfordringer, søge efter mestring og investere i sig selv. Tre hovedpunkter fremhæves: vigtigheden af at tage ansvar, risikere at miste selvrespekt gennem andres godkendelse, og ideen om at skabe et klart sæt værdier, man lever efter.

A retenir

  • 🚗 Elsk din bil, men elsk dig selv mere!
  • 💪 Tag ansvar for dine handlinger.
  • 📝 Skriv ned, hvad du vil stå inde for.
  • 🌟 Udfordringer er nøglen til vækst.
  • 🚫 Tolerance for negativ adfærd underminerer selvrespekt.
  • 🏋️‍♂️ Investering i dig selv er en prioritet.
  • 💡 Søg ikke andres godkendelse, find styrken inden i.
  • 📖 Læs og lær, hver dag er en mulighed for forbedring.
  • 🥇 Mestring er bedre end perfektion.
  • 🤝 Vær åben og sårbar, det styrker forbindelserne.

Chronologie

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    Fortælleren introducerer sin kærlighed til en 2007 Mercedes ML63 AMG med en stor V8-motor, som symboliserer masterclass og selv-respekt. Han reflekterer over, hvordan man kan tage ansvar for sit liv og leve fuldt ud med en moralsk kompas.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Der er en svær periode med manglende selvrespekt, hvilket fører til dårlige relationer. Fortælleren deler erfaringer fra sin rejse i Austin, Texas, som involverer tab af selvrespekt og ændringer i livsprioriteter, samt introducerer tre dele om vigtigheden af personlig karakter.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    I del to analyseres, hvordan man mister selvrespekt ved at søge anerkendelse fra andre, tolerere negativ adfærd og forsømme sig selv. Vigtigheden af at elske og respektere sig selv understreges som nøglekomponenter for at opretholde selvrespekt.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Del tre fokuserer på hårdt arbejde som hjørnestenen til selvrespekt. Fortælleren skitserer tre metoder: at omfavne udfordringer, ikke nøjes med mindre end dygtighed og investere i sig selv. Resultaterne af sådant arbejde styrker ens selvrespekt og selvværd.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:30:04

    Historier fra fortællevinklen underbygger budskaberne om selvrespekt og viljen til at konfrontere ens egne svagheder. Afslutningsvis opfordres til at prioritere selvpleje og gøre investeringer i ens personlige udvikling for at skabe en meningsfuld og respektfuld tilværelse.

Afficher plus

Carte mentale

Vidéo Q&R

  • Hvad handler videoen om?

    Videoen handler om selvrespekt, personlig ansvarlighed og hvordan man udvikler sin karakter gennem udfordringer.

  • Hvilken bil omtales i videoen?

    En 2007 Mercedes ML63 AMG.

  • Hvordan definerer fortælleren selvrespekt?

    Selvrespekt defineres som selvomsorg og investering i sig selv.

  • Hvad er de tre måder, man kan miste selvrespekt på?

    1. At søge andres anerkendelse. 2. At tolerere negativ adfærd fra andre. 3. At negligere sig selv.

  • Hvad er "five and five" øvelsen?

    Det er en øvelse til at definere de uundgåelige kvaliteter hos en potentiel partner, og hvad der ikke tåles.

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Sous-titres
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    a car that I love uh it's a a Mercedes a
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    2007 Mercedes ML63 AMG it's got the
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    largest naturally aspirated V8 engine
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    ever put in an SUV but this is a big
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    rumbling V8 6.2 liter engine and on the
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    top of the manifold in this vehicle is a
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    plate and the man who built that engine
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    signed it all right let me ask you what
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    are you willing to sign off on in your
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    life built by your name i'll take full
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    accountability for that that's mastery
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    that's when we can lay our head down at
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    night and say "I can die complete."
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    [Music]
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    So aspiration 16 as of now reads I
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    aspire to live a life of character and
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    self-respect guided by a moral compass
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    of my own
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    creation
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    now this this series of lessons you know
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    it's turned out to be a three-part
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    series sometimes the stuff I do kind of
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    takes a life of its own has been
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    challenging um I I I've often lived
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    without self-respect and therefore I've
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    let other people treat me without
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    respect so this is this is personal that
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    these lessons and I really started
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    working on on the the lesson last week
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    while I was in Austin Texas for a week
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    really had a great week there got
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    together some great men did some
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    in-person interviews did a a peyote
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    ceremony uh went to work on a new tattoo
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    of a raven represent my father and um it
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    was a great week and and also just
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    putting together this lesson on
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    self-respect and it was challenging for
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    me i spent many walks long walks around
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    East Austin that's a cool neighborhood i
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    mean all the UT students are hanging out
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    there all the food trucks and barbecue
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    places and bars and it's a great great
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    place to go walking and it was
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    challenging for me because of the very
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    fact that I haven't always lived with
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    self-respect and as different pieces
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    came to mind of what how this would fit
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    how I would teach it I kind of got
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    pulled in different directions and
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    that's why I decided okay let's do it as
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    three-parter so I I did one part uh on
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    on that alpha call last week while I was
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    in Austin around developing personal
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    character and and this this is was a
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    challenged lesson for me to write or to
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    give mainly because I've never really
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    liked that term character or personal
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    character maybe because I don't like
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    people telling me what to do or maybe I
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    didn't have my own personal character or
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    maybe the people preaching personal
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    character I didn't personally look up to
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    them as people I'd want to emulate and
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    um what I realized was that maybe I was
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    uncomfortable with the idea and term of
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    living h with personal character is
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    because I I I didn't and so we did
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    something really cool if you haven't if
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    you if you weren't on either of the two
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    previous calls either Alpha last week
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    Zeta earlier today go back and listen to
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    the recordings i'm sure Henrik will have
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    Zeta up within the next 24 hours or so
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    but the alpha call is already up and
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    what we did is if you've done any of my
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    dating essentials for men work you know
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    about the five and five where you create
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    a list of of what your really great
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    woman looks like so you know what you so
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    you know what you're looking for and you
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    know if you find a woman who has the
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    potential but more importantly you rule
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    out women who don't have the potential
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    to be a really great match okay and the
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    five and five just a piece of paper line
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    down the middle left side is have to
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    haves right side is won't tolerate and
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    so for a woman to be a really great
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    match to be a really great woman she has
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    to have all the traits you have listed
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    on that left side of the paper she has
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    to be available you know loving
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    passionate considerate giving generous
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    what all whatever your traits are five's
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    not magic it could be eight it could be
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    12 but I find it's best if you do kind
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    of hone it down to the really core
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    basics of what you want i mean if blonde
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    and big boobs is on have to have you
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    know you're probably asking for more
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    problems than actual you know resolution
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    of problems and so have to have right
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    side of the page is won't tolerate and
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    sometimes that's just the flip side of
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    have to have have to have
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    honesty won't tolerate dishonesty but
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    sometimes it's different so it gives you
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    a different perspective so we took that
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    that idea and and applied that to our
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    own personal character if you are living
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    with personal character what are the
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    have to haves what does that look like
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    and what are the won't tolerates won't
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    accept what is outside of your personal
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    character and and this personally was a
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    pretty powerful exercise for me i did
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    this in my journal probably came up with
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    about 12 have to haves for me to be
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    living in my personal character and 12
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    won't tolerate if if if I if I land on
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    any of those behaviors or any of those
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    pieces there I'm out I'm out of
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    character right i'm not living by my
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    northstar so that was part one so so go
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    go go check out that recording this
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    morning on the Zeta call we got to part
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    two and we talked about how we lose or
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    give up our
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    self-respect and I I said there's three
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    primary ways we tend to lose or give up
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    our self-respect one is pursuing
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    pursuing outside of oursel from other
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    people you know the respect of others
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    the the approval of others the love of
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    others you know the regard of others the
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    likes of others we lose our integrity
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    that way we lose our self-respect
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    pursuing these things from other people
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    basically projects the message I'm not
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    enough you have what I
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    want and then to stop pursuing is to
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    claim I'm enough i'm complete i have
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    what the world wants and the world has
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    to earn it or respect me for what I've
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    got so the pursuing the second one was
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    tolerating anytime we tolerate a
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    behavior we're going to end up with what
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    we
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    tolerated now this applies to both
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    people and situations outside of us but
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    to ourselves as well and in my message
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    is we we don't let other people treat us
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    bad but other people can't treat us with
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    more respect than we treat ourselves so
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    we better be treating oursel well don't
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    tolerate your own
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    disrespect your ruminations your
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    criticism your negativity your
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    comparisons your judgments that's all
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    lacking personal
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    self-respect and then the third way that
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    we lose or give up our self-respect is
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    through neglecting ourselves you
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    know we invest in which we value we're
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    going to talk more about that in this
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    lesson if you invest in yourself it
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    implies you're valuable you're worth
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    something and so to live with
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    self-respect we have to treat ourselves
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    like we are someone we care about and
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    that invites other people to do the
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    same okay part three of the series i
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    want to talk about hard work and and and
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    and I've broken this down into three
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    parts i'll get to those in just a minute
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    i want to give you a couple quotes first
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    one of them um I came across uh when I
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    started working on the lesson is by
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    George Bernard Shaw and he said "No man
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    who is occupied in doing a very
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    difficult thing and doing it very well
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    ever loses his self-respect."
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    Man that that that's a quote you could
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    like get tattooed on your arm to remind
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    you no man who is occupied in doing a
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    very difficult thing and doing it very
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    well mastery we're going to talk about
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    that ever loses his
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    self-respect another quote kind of
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    looking at it from a different angle by
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    David Gogggins by the way I started
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    listening to David Gogggins audio book
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    on some of my walks around Austin man
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    that that that first chapter is just
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    some gnarly i I I kind of had to
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    take a break from it for a little bit
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    this quote is doing mediocre work comes
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    from a lack of
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    self-respect when we mail it in when we
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    do it halfway when we're less than
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    masterful that is coming according to
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    David Gogggins from a lack of our own
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    personal
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    self-respect all right we're going to
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    pull those two quotes together in this
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    lesson all right premise of part three
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    of this lesson is that self-respect
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    comes from hard work and I've broken
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    this down into three parts self-respect
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    comes from embracing challenge
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    self-respect comes from not settling for
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    less than
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    mastery and three self-respect comes
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    from investing in self okay let's take a
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    look at number one self-respect comes
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    from embracing challenge and maybe see
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    if you can do this in two
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    sentences one sentence what is the
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    hardest thing you've ever done second
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    sentence how did you feel about
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    yourself once you got through it but I
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    put completing No More Mr nice Guy that
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    was challenging took a while and I I
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    felt complete like yeah okay I I've I've
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    completed what I'm here to do i've done
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    much more since but I had a sense of of
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    completeness about that by the way one
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    of the reasons that pushed me to
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    complete it my son and stepson were like
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    about 14 and 15 they were teenagers
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    while I was writing it and they kept
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    saying "Pops when are you going to
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    finish the book people need it we got
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    friends that need your book Dad." And
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    you know I wanted to be a good role
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    model for my boys i wanted them to see
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    me complete something of
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    value it was challenging let me read
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    some of these half marathon felts
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    amazing after
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    finishing got a complex drug device
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    combination approved by the Food and
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    Drug Administration he still feels
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    awesome about it i wrote a novel to
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    overcome my fear of failure i felt guilt
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    giddy when I finished
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    it making a film felt amazing chose to
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    get divorced felt horrible at first but
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    deep down I knew it was the right thing
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    to do
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    moving family to a a different state for
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    a new job moving to the USA alone from
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    Peru to study dentistry wow losing over
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    a 100 pounds as a teenager i felt really
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    good until I put some of it back
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    graduated with electrical engineering
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    degree felt proud and
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    relieved moved out of my mom's free free
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    at last free at last i love it okay i'm
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    going to ask you to to to to kind of
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    let's flip it for a minute when maybe
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    recently when have you taken the easy
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    way way out in the face of a challenge
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    one one line what was the easy way out
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    you took and how did you feel about
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    yourself for
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    that can you think of a way you took the
  • 00:11:36
    easy way out and how did you feel we got
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    to get we got to get real here not
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    telling the truth
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    shitty yeah I I'll second that one
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    that's a way that I have a tendency to
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    to skirt away from challenge and it
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    feels shitty cheated on my wife to get
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    my desires met
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    horrible dating lowhanging fruits that's
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    plural
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    there how many fruits are we going to
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    date capitulating to my ex-wife when I
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    know she was wrong just a people pleaser
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    felt awful chose porn instead of go out
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    and learn how to talk to women felt like
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    a piece of cheated on a test felt
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    not qualified you guys are amazing you
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    guys are amazing i The thing is
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    I love you guys even more when I see
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    your vulnerability that you'll post
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    these things where where basically you
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    cheated on you right we cheated on
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    ourselves when we do the challenge when
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    we when we lean into it when we embrace
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    it when we follow through even when we
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    welcome it we come out the other side
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    with a sense of completeness wholeness
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    fulfillment satisfaction happiness
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    freedom and look every time we we backed
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    down from challenge took an easy road
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    took a secret road took a hidden road
  • 00:13:03
    took took you know whatever road was the
  • 00:13:06
    easiest path to take we feel like
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    we feel like thank you guys
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    for sharing both sides of that again I
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    love your vulnerability i I mean really
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    I'm not just saying that i love that so
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    selfrespect is found through challenging
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    ourselves and doing the challenging
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    things there is no easy way have you
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    ever noticed when I talk about great
  • 00:13:30
    cake of a life there's a few things in
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    there that are about challenge one is to
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    lean into challenge that's when we're
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    the happiest another is regular
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    strenuous exercise that's not easy
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    that's
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    challenge we've got to challenge
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    ourselves to be happy and be at our best
  • 00:13:49
    the benefits of doing hard work and
  • 00:13:51
    embracing challenge i mean there there's
  • 00:13:53
    many you'll train yourself to enjoy the
  • 00:13:56
    process of overcoming obstacles not just
  • 00:13:58
    the outcome you'll stand out from the
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    crowd think about that when you do the
  • 00:14:04
    right thing when you lean into challenge
  • 00:14:05
    you stand out and then maybe you have
  • 00:14:08
    actually a greater respect and approval
  • 00:14:11
    from people than you would get if you
  • 00:14:13
    were chasing their respect and their
  • 00:14:16
    approval and you know we'll be healthier
  • 00:14:18
    more productive as as we meet challenges
  • 00:14:22
    in our life we're just going to feel
  • 00:14:23
    better about ourselves okay two
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    selfrespect comes from not settling for
  • 00:14:29
    less than mastery less than living
  • 00:14:33
    masterfully another David Gogggins book
  • 00:14:36
    until you start feeling a sense of pride
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    and self-respect in the work you do no
  • 00:14:41
    matter how small or overlooked those
  • 00:14:43
    jobs might be you will continue to
  • 00:14:46
    halfass your life so he's talking about
  • 00:14:50
    taking pride and self-respect in the
  • 00:14:52
    little things doing them well i've seen
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    Jordan Peterson interviews about same
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    thing you know talking to young people
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    at your first job maybe it's just
  • 00:15:01
    serving hamburgers in a fast food and he
  • 00:15:03
    talks about how can you do that extra
  • 00:15:06
    job clean the counters extra well be
  • 00:15:08
    extra kind and respectful to the
  • 00:15:10
    customers you know volunteer for more
  • 00:15:12
    work with your manager how do you take
  • 00:15:15
    that pride and do even if you're just
  • 00:15:18
    flipping burgers how do you do it
  • 00:15:20
    masterfully masterfully just means we're
  • 00:15:22
    going to do everything to the best of
  • 00:15:24
    our ability and you know when you start
  • 00:15:26
    doing everything to the best of your
  • 00:15:27
    ability you're suddenly the kind of
  • 00:15:29
    person who does everything to the best
  • 00:15:32
    of their ability and the masculine in us
  • 00:15:36
    we've got all mas we've got masculine
  • 00:15:38
    feminine energies the feminine is
  • 00:15:40
    externally validated through praise
  • 00:15:43
    value desire attention masculine is
  • 00:15:47
    internally validated through masterful
  • 00:15:50
    action going back to what we posted in
  • 00:15:53
    the timeline when we performed masterful
  • 00:15:57
    action even if we bumbled our way
  • 00:15:59
    through it till we figured it out we
  • 00:16:01
    felt good when we were less than
  • 00:16:04
    masterful we felt shitty now mastery
  • 00:16:07
    doesn't mean perfectionism doesn't mean
  • 00:16:09
    you got to get things perfect because
  • 00:16:11
    most of perfectionists I know don't ever
  • 00:16:13
    get anything done because they're
  • 00:16:15
    they're stressing so much about how
  • 00:16:17
    they've got to do it perfectly we intern
  • 00:16:20
    internally validate through masterful
  • 00:16:22
    action and I I know everything I've done
  • 00:16:24
    that originally scared me overwhelmed me
  • 00:16:27
    or I had dread about when I developed
  • 00:16:30
    okay bring it i'm going to learn how to
  • 00:16:33
    do this whether it was shooting videos
  • 00:16:35
    using my 4K cameras to shoot videos for
  • 00:16:38
    my online classes I I had no
  • 00:16:40
    idea even how you work the cameras i
  • 00:16:42
    said I'm going to get masterful at it
  • 00:16:45
    when it was deciding I was going to hire
  • 00:16:46
    a nutrition coach and she told me I was
  • 00:16:49
    going to get masterful by counting
  • 00:16:51
    macros and calories in an app and I got
  • 00:16:54
    good results when I got masterful at
  • 00:16:57
    tracking my macros building integration
  • 00:17:00
    nation I had you know few ideas of how
  • 00:17:03
    to go about doing it I' I'd tried
  • 00:17:05
    various things on a smaller scale but
  • 00:17:08
    creating something like integration
  • 00:17:10
    nation that was bigger than anything I'd
  • 00:17:12
    ever attempted and my intention and it
  • 00:17:15
    still is do it masterfully i may not do
  • 00:17:18
    it
  • 00:17:19
    perfectly but I'm going to do it
  • 00:17:22
    masterfully as hell and I'm going to
  • 00:17:23
    learn from every mistake every stumble
  • 00:17:26
    every misstep every experiment that
  • 00:17:29
    doesn't work out the way I thought
  • 00:17:31
    that's how we get
  • 00:17:33
    masterful i've got a car that I love uh
  • 00:17:38
    it's a a Mercedes a 2007 Mercedes ML63
  • 00:17:43
    AMG you guys probably have heard about
  • 00:17:45
    my car it's parked up at my mom's house
  • 00:17:47
    up in Seattle here's a cool thing about
  • 00:17:49
    that car number one it's just
  • 00:17:52
    fast it's got the largest naturally
  • 00:17:54
    aspirated V8 engine ever put in an SUV
  • 00:17:59
    right faster than a Porsche now now they
  • 00:18:02
    put a lot of burbo stuff like that in in
  • 00:18:04
    them but this is a big rumbling V8 6.2
  • 00:18:09
    liter engine and it's just it's
  • 00:18:13
    it's a beautiful ride now one thing
  • 00:18:15
    that's really cool about AMG AMG is the
  • 00:18:19
    specialty shop for Amazon for Mercedes
  • 00:18:22
    what I'm saying and they're built in
  • 00:18:24
    Germany amg is the first three initials
  • 00:18:27
    of the three engineers that started the
  • 00:18:29
    company so it's an engineering company
  • 00:18:31
    and on the top of the manifold of this
  • 00:18:35
    big old engine in this
  • 00:18:37
    vehicle is a
  • 00:18:39
    plate and the man who built that engine
  • 00:18:43
    signed
  • 00:18:44
    it signed
  • 00:18:46
    it all right let me ask you what are you
  • 00:18:49
    willing to sign off on in your
  • 00:18:53
    life built by your name
  • 00:18:58
    i would hope that everything we'd be
  • 00:19:02
    willing to put our signature on and say
  • 00:19:04
    "I'll take full accountability for
  • 00:19:06
    that." That's mastery that's when we can
  • 00:19:09
    lay our head down at night and say "I
  • 00:19:12
    can die complete i did my best i'm still
  • 00:19:16
    learning but I brought my
  • 00:19:18
    agame." That feels good that feels I I
  • 00:19:22
    still open the hood just to look at that
  • 00:19:23
    signature sometimes i wonder who that
  • 00:19:25
    guy is you can watch a video on YouTube
  • 00:19:28
    i watched it where they will show from
  • 00:19:31
    start to finish a guy in the AMG factory
  • 00:19:35
    in Germany building an entire engine to
  • 00:19:38
    go in a
  • 00:19:40
    Mercedes it's it's kind of cool thing to
  • 00:19:42
    watch mastery just watching how it's
  • 00:19:45
    done
  • 00:19:46
    masterfully all right number three for
  • 00:19:50
    self-respect is investing in self at its
  • 00:19:54
    core self-respect is
  • 00:19:57
    self-care like I said before we invest
  • 00:20:00
    in that which we value if you value your
  • 00:20:04
    partner you're going to invest your time
  • 00:20:05
    and energy and attention if you value
  • 00:20:08
    you you're going to invest your time
  • 00:20:10
    attention energy and your money maybe
  • 00:20:13
    it's trimming your
  • 00:20:15
    fingernails shaving and bathing i shaved
  • 00:20:18
    and trimmed my beard and took a bath
  • 00:20:19
    just before I got on this call you
  • 00:20:21
    wouldn't know but I know i brushed my
  • 00:20:23
    teeth too taking care of your clothing
  • 00:20:27
    getting sleep exercise nutrition rest
  • 00:20:30
    and
  • 00:20:32
    relaxation investing in yourself implies
  • 00:20:36
    you're worth
  • 00:20:38
    something that's self-respect so I'm
  • 00:20:40
    going to give you guys a challenge now
  • 00:20:43
    one thing I know about nice guys we're
  • 00:20:45
    notoriously cheap and we're especially
  • 00:20:49
    cheap with ourselves because we don't
  • 00:20:50
    value ourselves our needs our wants well
  • 00:20:53
    I mean we'll spend money on other people
  • 00:20:55
    we'll buy gifts for other people we'll
  • 00:20:57
    invest our time in other people but in
  • 00:21:00
    us when when when I split with my second
  • 00:21:03
    wife one of the things I did with my
  • 00:21:05
    book advance for No More Mr nice Guy is
  • 00:21:08
    I went out and bought a 2001 it's
  • 00:21:11
    2-year-old uh BMW
  • 00:21:14
    um CI 330 it's a 3 liter engine in a
  • 00:21:18
    small twodoor coupe BMW fast fun car i I
  • 00:21:24
    got depressed when I bought it i didn't
  • 00:21:25
    leave my house for two weeks i was so
  • 00:21:28
    depressed i would have happily bought
  • 00:21:30
    that car for my ex-wife to make her
  • 00:21:32
    happy but when I bought it for myself I
  • 00:21:35
    was filled with fear and dread and I'm
  • 00:21:38
    not good enough and who am I and and and
  • 00:21:41
    what am I going to get for this and
  • 00:21:43
    actually buying that
  • 00:21:45
    BMW was actually the beginning of a
  • 00:21:49
    transformation in my life where I began
  • 00:21:51
    taking good care of myself and investing
  • 00:21:54
    in me i thought "Oh when my ex finds out
  • 00:21:56
    I bought a BMW she's going to go
  • 00:21:58
    ballistic." Or when my clients see me
  • 00:22:00
    driving a BMW they're going to say "Oh
  • 00:22:03
    you must be charging too much if you're
  • 00:22:05
    driving a BM you're driving a Beamer."
  • 00:22:07
    My ex never said a word and all my
  • 00:22:10
    clients said "Hey cool car
  • 00:22:13
    not one of them went off on me it it it
  • 00:22:16
    felt good so my challenge where can you
  • 00:22:19
    invest some money in yourself put some
  • 00:22:21
    skin in the game getting a personal
  • 00:22:23
    trainer a nutrition coach like I did
  • 00:22:26
    recently that has paid off investing in
  • 00:22:29
    a men's program i'm glad you guys are
  • 00:22:31
    here getting therapy that's not cheap
  • 00:22:34
    i've spent a hundred grand on therapy in
  • 00:22:36
    my
  • 00:22:37
    lifetime one of the reasons I'm sitting
  • 00:22:39
    here talking to you right now is I made
  • 00:22:40
    that investment i mean get a manicure
  • 00:22:43
    get a good haircut get your clothes
  • 00:22:46
    professionally laundered and pressed
  • 00:22:48
    hire a house cleaner take a good
  • 00:22:50
    vacation by yourself do a Tony Robbins
  • 00:22:53
    seminar go to the dentist the
  • 00:22:55
    chiropractor massage therapist a doctor
  • 00:22:57
    for a physical invest some money in
  • 00:23:00
    yourself in the new near future make a
  • 00:23:03
    commitment it may make you anxious
  • 00:23:06
    because we're not used to that kind of
  • 00:23:08
    thing but it implies you're worth
  • 00:23:10
    something you respect yourself you're
  • 00:23:13
    valuable when you invest in yourself it
  • 00:23:16
    shows up as competence and self-respect
  • 00:23:18
    and the more you invest in yourself I
  • 00:23:21
    promise you the more it will pay for
  • 00:23:23
    itself anything you invest in self-care
  • 00:23:26
    and self-improvement and self-
  • 00:23:28
    advancement it will pay for itself i
  • 00:23:31
    promise you and you'll go "Wow where did
  • 00:23:34
    this extra money come from i've been
  • 00:23:36
    spending money." You know every time
  • 00:23:37
    I've hired a new employee it paid for
  • 00:23:39
    itself every time I got a coach it paid
  • 00:23:41
    for itself every time I got a new
  • 00:23:43
    accountant financial advisor it I had
  • 00:23:46
    more money funny how that works
  • 00:23:49
    investment pays
  • 00:23:52
    off with more money to invest
  • 00:23:56
    and investing in yourself with your
  • 00:23:58
    pocketbook with your credit card
  • 00:24:01
    challenges your self-limiting beliefs
  • 00:24:03
    that you are not worth anything so to
  • 00:24:06
    wrap up aspiration
  • 00:24:09
    16 I aspire to live a life of character
  • 00:24:12
    and self-respect guided by a moral
  • 00:24:14
    compass of my own creation now a way to
  • 00:24:17
    sum it up you probably have heard me say
  • 00:24:19
    oftentimes nothing hidden nothing
  • 00:24:21
    half-assed well I've added third nothing
  • 00:24:24
    hidden nothing hurtful nothing half-ass
  • 00:24:27
    that is
  • 00:24:29
    self-respect i'm not hiding anything i'm
  • 00:24:32
    living with character i'm not letting me
  • 00:24:34
    or anybody else hurt me that's
  • 00:24:37
    self-respect and I'm not doing anything
  • 00:24:40
    halfass that's leaning into challenge
  • 00:24:42
    and living masterfully perfectionism is
  • 00:24:45
    the enemy of good
  • 00:24:47
    enough and and if you think about that
  • 00:24:49
    it is i got to get it perfect so we
  • 00:24:51
    never get it done or maybe we
  • 00:24:53
    procrastinate or we don't follow through
  • 00:24:56
    and so when I say mastery is not
  • 00:24:58
    perfectionism it's not like I got to be
  • 00:25:00
    perfect it's just like to me it's more
  • 00:25:03
    of an attitude that I welcome a
  • 00:25:06
    challenge i welcome a challenge and that
  • 00:25:08
    I will respond with a a progress
  • 00:25:13
    progression of of of masterful actions
  • 00:25:17
    for example I I do have an intention and
  • 00:25:20
    it's in my two-year letter to myself of
  • 00:25:22
    learning to play the TW uh play the 12
  • 00:25:25
    bar blues both rhythm and lead now we'll
  • 00:25:29
    ever play that you know like like BB
  • 00:25:32
    King or or
  • 00:25:34
    um Oh my mind's going blank um Gary
  • 00:25:38
    Clark Jr
  • 00:25:40
    uh you know John Mayer no I I I'm never
  • 00:25:42
    going to play like those guys i mean I
  • 00:25:44
    mean they're amazing they're amazing but
  • 00:25:46
    if I have the attitude that I'm going to
  • 00:25:49
    get proficient I'm going to get
  • 00:25:51
    masterful at playing a riff right one
  • 00:25:55
    riff one one progression of chords you
  • 00:25:59
    know just it's an attitude almost more
  • 00:26:02
    than anything else that says you know
  • 00:26:04
    all right I'm I'm going to bring my best
  • 00:26:06
    to it and I'm going to play it and get
  • 00:26:08
    good at it and be proud of myself for it
  • 00:26:11
    will anybody ever want to hear me play
  • 00:26:13
    it doesn't matter so I I I don't think I
  • 00:26:16
    don't know whether you need to break it
  • 00:26:17
    down into tone too too many finite words
  • 00:26:20
    but yeah I I think proficiency mastery
  • 00:26:23
    think of it as an attitude not even so
  • 00:26:26
    much an end result and and and so when
  • 00:26:29
    you're struggling with that chord or
  • 00:26:30
    struggling to get your fingers over to
  • 00:26:32
    that seventh or whatever it is go okay
  • 00:26:35
    I'm I'm I'm going to keep doing it until
  • 00:26:38
    I master it right and it's just an
  • 00:26:40
    attitude you and I are having this
  • 00:26:42
    conversation today we're on this call
  • 00:26:45
    today you read my book because I cheated
  • 00:26:49
    that's how it all started actually I
  • 00:26:51
    cheated more than once before it all
  • 00:26:54
    started i I cheated and it ended my
  • 00:26:56
    first marriage i married the woman I
  • 00:26:58
    cheated with and then I cheated on her
  • 00:27:00
    about two three years in the marriage
  • 00:27:02
    because I wasn't getting my needs met
  • 00:27:03
    and I was a nice guy and I didn't know
  • 00:27:04
    how to be direct and I didn't know how
  • 00:27:06
    to be a good enter and uh she I I it was
  • 00:27:09
    short-lived she found out confronted me
  • 00:27:12
    said "You're not a nice guy everybody
  • 00:27:13
    thinks you're a nice guy you know you
  • 00:27:15
    need to get help." And I thought "You're
  • 00:27:16
    the ones unhappy all the time." But I
  • 00:27:18
    went and got help and I landed in good
  • 00:27:20
    places and I did my work and I've been
  • 00:27:23
    doing my work for the last 30 plus years
  • 00:27:26
    since that happened and because of that
  • 00:27:29
    event it was the big stick that woke me
  • 00:27:32
    up got my attention got me on a
  • 00:27:34
    different path and because of that you
  • 00:27:37
    get to tell me tonight that you cheated
  • 00:27:40
    because if I hadn't gone down that path
  • 00:27:42
    we wouldn't be talking right now so I I
  • 00:27:44
    put that in a context that that okay
  • 00:27:47
    welcome to the club of of okay you
  • 00:27:50
    up you up and um and you
  • 00:27:53
    got a lot of work to do and sometimes
  • 00:27:56
    it's those fuckups that get our
  • 00:27:59
    attention and and and change our
  • 00:28:01
    direction and help us pivot into
  • 00:28:04
    actually
  • 00:28:05
    just living on better terms and living a
  • 00:28:08
    more fulfilled life with with more
  • 00:28:10
    character and a greater uh roadmap to
  • 00:28:12
    lead us where we want to go it sound
  • 00:28:14
    like it helped you find perhaps my book
  • 00:28:16
    or my material or or this place maybe
  • 00:28:18
    some interviews of me so that
  • 00:28:21
    is your open door to you becoming
  • 00:28:25
    the man that you're here to be so
  • 00:28:28
    welcome welcome to the club of a bunch
  • 00:28:30
    of fuckups we all have our different
  • 00:28:32
    kind of fuckups but if we can be open
  • 00:28:34
    and vulnerable with each other we can
  • 00:28:36
    support each other to level up to the
  • 00:28:38
    best version of ourselves so I don't
  • 00:28:41
    have really any other advice for you
  • 00:28:42
    right now than get connected with men
  • 00:28:46
    that is the best way to get your
  • 00:28:48
    fundamental needs met when I was a
  • 00:28:49
    marriage therapist I told couples all
  • 00:28:51
    the time the best thing you do for your
  • 00:28:53
    marriage is create good same-sex
  • 00:28:56
    relationships so I'd say let go of
  • 00:29:00
    trying to save your marriage save you
  • 00:29:03
    and get connected with men learn to be
  • 00:29:05
    authentic honest transparent conscious
  • 00:29:08
    set the tone for your life invest in you
  • 00:29:12
    and if those are the things that make
  • 00:29:14
    your wife more attracted to you and make
  • 00:29:16
    her want to be a better person great if
  • 00:29:19
    it actually be becomes a bigger division
  • 00:29:21
    between you because you're taking good
  • 00:29:22
    care of you great let go of the
  • 00:29:25
    attachment and and start charting a path
  • 00:29:28
    that leads you to being the best version
  • 00:29:30
    of you and we're here cheering for you
  • 00:29:33
    [Music]
  • 00:29:56
    [Music]
  • 00:29:59
    hey hey hey
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