00:00:02
people with borderline personality
00:00:04
disorder are ashamed of their
00:00:07
diagnosis clinicians are aware of this
00:00:11
and to the best of their ability they
00:00:13
try to avoid labeling people with
00:00:17
borderline personality disorder there's
00:00:19
a stigma
00:00:21
attached narcissists and Psychopaths on
00:00:23
the other hand are quite proud of their
00:00:27
disorders they regard their disord as
00:00:31
evolutionary
00:00:32
adaptations as competitive advantages as
00:00:37
something to boast
00:00:39
about and to be emulated by others who
00:00:43
are less fortunate to have become or
00:00:46
have been born narcissists and
00:00:48
Psychopaths this is pretty ironic
00:00:51
because narcissism and psychopathy
00:00:53
involve
00:00:54
choices whereas borderline personality
00:00:58
disorder is basically
00:01:01
hereditary in psychopathy there's a
00:01:03
genetic component of course but the
00:01:05
psychopath's actions as well as the
00:01:07
narcissist actions I usually determined
00:01:10
on the Fly dayto day and involve
00:01:14
decision
00:01:15
making my name is s vakin and I'm the
00:01:18
author of malignant self- love
00:01:20
narcissism Revisited the first book ever
00:01:22
on narcissistic abuse I'm also a
00:01:24
professor of Clinical Psychology in
00:01:27
several
00:01:28
universities today we're going going to
00:01:30
discuss the emotional investment of
00:01:33
narcissists and psychopaths in their
00:01:36
disorders this is known as cathexis the
00:01:39
connection the love affair between
00:01:42
narcissists and Psychopaths and their
00:01:44
narcissism and psychopathy
00:01:52
respectively cluster be personality
00:01:55
disorders involve A disruption in the
00:01:57
formation of a functional self
00:02:00
used to be called ego call it anything
00:02:02
you you wish this core identity which is
00:02:06
supposed supposedly immutable this
00:02:08
Essence that is who we are the formation
00:02:12
the creation the constellation and the
00:02:14
integration of this nucleus is disrupted
00:02:18
in early childhood now in all these
00:02:21
cases probably there is a genetic
00:02:23
predisposition not all children who are
00:02:26
exposed to abuse become narcissist
00:02:28
codependence borderline Psychopaths etc
00:02:31
etc but in the vast majority of cases
00:02:35
there is a background of adverse
00:02:37
childhood experiences AC is so we know
00:02:41
there's some kind of connection between
00:02:42
trauma and abuse in early
00:02:45
childhood other adverse circumstances
00:02:48
adversity generally and the emergence of
00:02:52
personality disorders later in life the
00:02:55
mistake that self-styled experts make is
00:02:58
they consider p pampering and spoiling
00:03:01
is the opposite of adversity but
00:03:04
actually pampering and spoiling can be
00:03:07
honorous it's very difficult to grow up
00:03:10
in an environment with overprotective
00:03:12
parents who isolate you from reality and
00:03:15
from your peers breach your boundaries
00:03:18
merge with you treat you as an extension
00:03:20
and impose on you their wishes fantasies
00:03:23
dreams and
00:03:24
expectations possibly this is the worst
00:03:27
form of abuse parentifying
00:03:30
instrumentalizing objectifying the
00:03:33
child and yet when narcissists and
00:03:36
Psychopaths grow up when they supposedly
00:03:39
become adults which they never do they
00:03:41
remain stuck
00:03:43
developmentally uh in early childhood
00:03:46
there what used to be called Arrested
00:03:48
Development so when they grow
00:03:51
up they somehow develop an
00:03:55
ideology a kind of religion around their
00:03:59
disorder
00:04:00
they elevate glamorize and glorify their
00:04:04
disorders they convert people to the
00:04:07
cause they become
00:04:09
missionary they brag and boast and
00:04:12
Swagger when it comes to their disorders
00:04:15
they regard their disorders as gifts and
00:04:18
endowments something bestowed upon them
00:04:20
by a benevolent universe or a loving
00:04:24
God transforming them in the process
00:04:27
into Godlike creatures with the
00:04:30
Perfection of a
00:04:32
Divinity and this is the background to
00:04:35
the emotional connection attachment and
00:04:38
bonding between the narcissist and his
00:04:40
narcissism the psychopath and his
00:04:43
psychopathy it is actually the only time
00:04:47
narcissists and Psychopaths display
00:04:50
attachment and
00:04:52
bonding why is that because it's
00:04:56
safe Early Childhood abuse and Trauma
00:05:01
have severe impacts one of them is known
00:05:04
as object
00:05:06
inconstancy the disbelief and distrust
00:05:08
in other people people are going to
00:05:11
betray you they're going to abandon you
00:05:13
they're going to hurt you this is object
00:05:15
in constancy or an extension of object
00:05:17
in
00:05:18
constancy similarly this this generates
00:05:22
separation in security abandonment
00:05:25
anxiety but not only separation
00:05:27
insecurity and abandonment anxiety for
00:05:30
from any specific individual related to
00:05:32
any specific individual it's not only
00:05:34
about intimate Partners or friends or
00:05:36
spouses or what have you it is a general
00:05:41
feeling that the world might abandon you
00:05:45
at any minute that you may find yourself
00:05:49
solipsistically floating a drift in a
00:05:53
hostile space in an inferno of your own
00:05:56
making perhaps but still an
00:05:58
Inferno and it is this anticipatory
00:06:01
anxiety this perception that something
00:06:04
really bad is going to happen this
00:06:06
catastrophizing in effect that gives
00:06:09
rise to the anxiety that underlies both
00:06:11
psychopathy and narcissism and to the
00:06:14
shame of being unable to cope with these
00:06:18
predicaments
00:06:20
efficaciously starting in early
00:06:23
childhood and so when you review this
00:06:26
psychodynamic landscape you realize that
00:06:29
psychopathy and narcissism are
00:06:30
compensatory they compensate for
00:06:32
something what do they compensate for a
00:06:34
lack of sense of
00:06:36
safety a lack of sense of stability a
00:06:39
lack of sense of predictability and
00:06:42
determinacy the world is chaotic and
00:06:45
random and
00:06:47
terrifying and so the disorders
00:06:50
narcissism and psychopathy
00:06:53
restore the sense of safety the
00:06:56
narcissist is
00:06:57
grandiose thereby
00:07:00
Godlike thereby
00:07:03
Untouchable invulnerable
00:07:07
impermeable no one can hurt the
00:07:09
narcissist because he's a
00:07:12
Divinity the psychopath's
00:07:15
Defiance demonstrates the psychopath
00:07:20
overriding omnipotence the defines is a
00:07:24
message to the world it's defiant
00:07:26
signaling saying you can't do anything
00:07:29
anything to me self-sufficient
00:07:32
sufficiency in both cases narcissism and
00:07:34
psychopathy also has to do with a
00:07:37
restoration of the sense of safety via
00:07:41
Independence I am not dependent on
00:07:43
anyone I don't need anyone I can survive
00:07:47
and subsist all on my own and that of
00:07:50
course makes you feel safe makes you
00:07:52
feel secure what narcissists and
00:07:55
Psychopaths do they convert their
00:07:58
disorders into
00:08:00
aat artificial secure
00:08:03
bases their parents fail to provide a
00:08:07
secure base in a variety of ways and so
00:08:11
these children grow up becoming their
00:08:13
own secure
00:08:15
bases via the mechanism of the false
00:08:18
self in narcis in narcissism the false
00:08:21
self is a kind of Godlike imaginary
00:08:23
friend and becomes a secure base and in
00:08:27
the case of the psychopath a combination
00:08:29
of Defiance recklessness and
00:08:31
impulsivity which cons which provide a
00:08:35
shell or a
00:08:37
firewall
00:08:38
safeguarding uh the
00:08:41
psychopath protecting the psychopath
00:08:43
this protective layer and so this of
00:08:46
course if you are omnipotent if you're
00:08:49
Godlike if you can afford to be defined
00:08:52
if you're self-sufficient totally
00:08:53
independent don't need anyone if you are
00:08:56
perfect if you're perfect entity you
00:08:59
could could feel safe you could feel
00:09:01
secure everything will be okay it's a
00:09:04
form of self soothing the narcissist and
00:09:07
psychopath disorders are compensatory
00:09:12
self-
00:09:13
soothing it's a way of telling yourself
00:09:17
everything is going to be fine because
00:09:19
of who I am everything is going to be
00:09:21
fine because I am so Supreme I am so
00:09:25
elevated superiority
00:09:28
guarantees not only the ability to avoid
00:09:33
the adverse consequences of one's
00:09:35
actions because as a superior being
00:09:38
you're exempt and you're entitled but
00:09:41
superiority also guarantees submission
00:09:44
submission of other people which renders
00:09:47
you
00:09:49
invulnerable when other people submit to
00:09:52
you AAS when everyone submits to you
00:09:55
because they recognize your Supremacy
00:09:58
your superiority your
00:10:01
elevation there's a kind of hierarchy
00:10:03
instant hierarchy that is formed at
00:10:05
least in the narcissist mind and the
00:10:07
psychopath mind of course there's a kind
00:10:09
of instant hierarchy where the
00:10:11
narcissist and psychopaths are so so
00:10:15
above the Madding
00:10:18
Crowd they are so removed and
00:10:21
distanced from the ho pooy the great
00:10:24
unwashed the masses which they hold in
00:10:27
contempt that actually they become
00:10:30
Untouchable if you're floating so if
00:10:34
you're floating well above no one can
00:10:37
reach
00:10:37
you
00:10:40
superiority is the underlying facet of
00:10:44
the sense the artificial sense of Safety
00:10:46
and Security generated by psychopathy
00:10:50
and
00:10:52
narcissism and that is why narcissists
00:10:54
and psychopaths are often there's often
00:10:56
a confusion as to who is a narcissist
00:10:58
and who is a psychopath and self-styled
00:11:00
experts get it wrong as usually and they
00:11:02
say that all Psychopaths anares which is
00:11:04
nonsense of course all I mean many
00:11:07
Psychopaths and all narcissist are
00:11:10
grandios and grandiosity is a defense
00:11:14
mechanism it's a it's
00:11:16
compensatory it's a cognitive
00:11:19
distortions which renders reality far
00:11:21
more habitable and acceptable and
00:11:24
tolerable and bearable and
00:11:26
non-threatening that's the key Point non
00:11:29
threatening fantasy insulates the
00:11:33
narcissist and to a large extent the
00:11:35
psychopath from reality because reality
00:11:37
is perceived as dangerous as hostile as
00:11:41
out to get you there is paranoid
00:11:45
ideation there's a paranoid
00:11:47
core uh which infuses narcissism and
00:11:51
psychopathy Imus it with hypervigilance
00:11:56
suspiciousness catastrophizing
00:11:59
assumptions about human nature which is
00:12:02
bad Mal malevolence conspiracies and so
00:12:05
on so forth conspiracism
00:12:07
so fantasy is actually a defense against
00:12:12
internal paranoid ideation the paranoid
00:12:16
core now I've said many times in many
00:12:19
videos that paranoia paranoid ideation
00:12:23
is nothing but another form of
00:12:26
narcissism because the paranoid keeps
00:12:29
believing keeps convincing himself
00:12:31
firmly that is important that is at the
00:12:34
center of things that is the the focal
00:12:39
point of conspiracies that everyone
00:12:43
around him is interested in him and and
00:12:46
so on so forth so paranoia is is about
00:12:49
placing yourself at the center of
00:12:53
Affairs and so it is a grandio defense
00:12:57
it is a kind of fantasy defending
00:13:00
against reality where perhaps you're
00:13:02
much less conspicuous and much less
00:13:06
important than you consider yourself to
00:13:10
be both narcissism and psychopathy are
00:13:15
compensatory and being compensatory
00:13:18
they're goal
00:13:19
oriented they yield outcomes conducive
00:13:23
to
00:13:24
survival that's why goal
00:13:27
orientation is per belied by the
00:13:29
psychopath and to some extent the naris
00:13:32
is a form of selfefficacy
00:13:34
the psychopath is emotionally invested
00:13:37
in obtaining goals and no I'm not
00:13:39
talking about life goals you know I'm
00:13:42
going to study then I'm going to have a
00:13:44
job then I'm going to have a family not
00:13:46
this kind of goals the psychopath goals
00:13:48
are
00:13:49
shortterm and they are much more limited
00:13:53
much more minimal I want to have sex I
00:13:55
want to steal this person's money etc
00:13:58
etc this the are Psychopathic goals The
00:14:01
Narcissist only goal exclusive goal is
00:14:04
narcissistic Supply attention in other
00:14:06
words so they're both goal oriented but
00:14:10
they Mis label misidentify
00:14:15
misunderstand goal orientation for
00:14:17
self-efficacy actually narcissist and
00:14:19
psychopaths are not self-efficacious and
00:14:22
yet consider themselves to be of to be
00:14:26
of superior performance they think they
00:14:29
are much better at doing things
00:14:32
accomplishing aims and setting goals and
00:14:35
pursuing them much better than all other
00:14:38
people that's why they they hold
00:14:40
everyone around them even colleagues and
00:14:42
bosses and so they hold everyone in
00:14:43
contempt because they are so vastly so
00:14:47
vastly uh improved so vastly
00:14:51
Superior go
00:14:53
orentation does yield
00:14:56
outcomes some of these outcomes are
00:14:59
conducive to survival but ironically in
00:15:01
the case of psychopath narcissis many of
00:15:03
the outcomes are detrimental
00:15:07
self-defeating and self-destructive and
00:15:08
yet the psychopath narcissist believe
00:15:13
that they are optimizing machines they
00:15:16
are perfect at obtaining goals and all
00:15:19
these goals add add to their value to
00:15:23
the value to their value add to their
00:15:26
resume add to their survival prospects
00:15:30
add to their social acceptability and
00:15:34
attractiveness add they regard the
00:15:38
attainment and accomplishment of goals
00:15:41
as additive as something which augments
00:15:45
their Aura and their Godlike
00:15:48
propensities and properties omnipotence
00:15:50
omnicient and so you see the psychopath
00:15:54
and
00:15:55
narcissist are invested emotionally in
00:15:58
their disorder ERS because they have
00:16:00
nothing
00:16:01
else there's nothing there except the
00:16:04
disorder I'm often being I'm often
00:16:07
criticized
00:16:08
for uh equating the disorder with the
00:16:13
disordered but take away the narcissism
00:16:15
from the narcissist and there's nothing
00:16:17
left but an empty black hole as numerous
00:16:21
Scholars have observed take away the
00:16:23
psychopathy from the psychopath and you
00:16:25
see a subdued shell of a person reduced
00:16:29
to nothingness I've seen them in
00:16:32
prison so if you take away the disorders
00:16:35
what's left nothing that these disorders
00:16:37
are
00:16:38
narratives these disorders are the glue
00:16:42
that holds the various fictional strands
00:16:45
of narcissism and psychopathy
00:16:48
together and so it is understandable
00:16:51
that when you have nothing but your
00:16:53
disorder you would be attached to it you
00:16:55
would bond with it you would trust it to
00:16:58
lead you guide you you would you would
00:17:01
invest everything in it you would commit
00:17:03
to it you would you would develop it you
00:17:05
would augment it you would worship it
00:17:08
you would cherish it you would you would
00:17:10
try to export it to others you would try
00:17:12
to convince induct others into your cult
00:17:16
and sect it's all these are all
00:17:18
understandable behaviors when we begin
00:17:21
to
00:17:22
grasp that there the person that used to
00:17:27
exist in early childhood is is gone
00:17:30
forever bad parenting in early childhood
00:17:35
has
00:17:36
erased erased the
00:17:39
child and left behind an emptiness an
00:17:44
absence
00:17:46
masquerading as a divine
00:17:48
presence the divine presence which the
00:17:51
narcissist and psychopath ultimately
00:17:55
worship
00:18:00
I'm sagin I'm the author of malignant
00:18:02
self-love narcissism
00:18:05
Revisited some narcissists get better
00:18:08
they modify their behavior they become
00:18:11
more socially acceptable and less
00:18:13
abrasive but no narcissist heals no
00:18:18
narcissist gets
00:18:20
well the reason is the narcissist
00:18:23
enormous lifelong Irreplaceable and
00:18:27
indispensable and emotional investment
00:18:30
in his own
00:18:32
disorder narcissistic personality
00:18:34
disorder serves two critical functions
00:18:37
which together maintain the precariously
00:18:41
balanced house of cards that we call the
00:18:44
narcissist
00:18:46
personality The Narcissist disorder
00:18:49
endows him with a sense with a sense of
00:18:52
uniqueness of being special and it
00:18:55
provides him with a rational explanation
00:18:58
for his misconduct with an
00:19:01
alibi most narcissists reject the notion
00:19:05
or the diagnosis that they are mentally
00:19:07
ill or
00:19:09
disturbed absent powers of introspection
00:19:12
a total lack of self-awareness are part
00:19:14
and parcel of narcissistic personality
00:19:17
disorder pathological narcissism is
00:19:20
founded upon alloplastic defenses The
00:19:24
Firm conviction that the world or others
00:19:27
are to blame for one Behavior defeats
00:19:30
failures and
00:19:32
frailties the narcissist firmly believes
00:19:35
that people around him should be held
00:19:38
responsible and accountable for his
00:19:40
reactions for having triggered
00:19:43
them with such a state of mind so firmly
00:19:46
entrenched the narcissist is incapable
00:19:49
of transformation or even of admitting
00:19:52
that something is wrong with
00:19:54
him but that is not to say that the
00:19:56
narcissist does not experience his
00:19:58
disorder he does but he reinterprets
00:20:02
this experience he regards his
00:20:05
dysfunctional behaviors socially
00:20:07
sexually emotionally and mentally as
00:20:10
conclusive and IR irrefutable proof of
00:20:14
his superiority Brilliance distinction
00:20:17
tress might or
00:20:20
success rudness to others for instance
00:20:23
is reinterpreted as decisiveness and
00:20:26
efficiency or even brutal
00:20:29
honesty abusive behaviors are cast as
00:20:34
educational tough love sexual absence as
00:20:38
proof of preoccupation with higher
00:20:41
functions The Narcissist rage is always
00:20:44
just it's always a reaction to Injustice
00:20:47
or to being misunderstood by
00:20:49
intellectual
00:20:50
midgets thus paradoxically the disorder
00:20:54
becomes an integral and Inseparable part
00:20:57
of the narcissist inflated self-esteem
00:21:00
and vacuous grandio fantasies narcissist
00:21:04
false self the pivot of his pathological
00:21:07
narcissism is a self-reinforcing
00:21:10
mechanism The Narcissist thinks that he
00:21:13
is unique because he has a false self
00:21:16
his false self is the center of his
00:21:20
specialness any therapeutic attack on
00:21:23
the integrity and functioning of the
00:21:25
false self constitutes a threat to The
00:21:28
Narcissist ability to regulate his
00:21:31
wildly fluctuating sense of self-worth
00:21:34
and an effort to reduce him to other
00:21:37
people's mundane pedestrian mediocre
00:21:41
existence the few narcissist that are
00:21:44
willing to admit that something is
00:21:45
terribly wrong with them displace their
00:21:48
alloplastic defenses instead of blaming
00:21:50
the world blaming other people or
00:21:53
circumstances beyond their control they
00:21:55
now blame their disease their disorder
00:21:59
becomes a catchall universal explanation
00:22:02
for everything that is wrong in their
00:22:04
lives and for every derided indefensible
00:22:07
and inexcusable
00:22:09
Behavior their narcissism becomes a
00:22:12
license to kill a liberating Force which
00:22:15
sets them outside human rules and codes
00:22:18
of
00:22:19
conduct such freedom is so intoxicating
00:22:23
and so empowering that it is difficult
00:22:26
to give up narcissist is emotionally
00:22:29
attached to only one thing his
00:22:33
narcissistic personality disorder The
00:22:35
Narcissist loves his disorder desires
00:22:39
his disease passionately cultivates his
00:22:43
illness tenderly he's proud of its
00:22:48
achievements his emotions are
00:22:51
misdirected when normal people love
00:22:54
others and empathize with them the
00:22:56
narcissist loves his false self and
00:22:59
identifies with it to the exclusion of
00:23:02
all else and all others including his
00:23:06
truser