How touch can make or break your relationship - BBC REEL

00:04:39
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FN7Buz0CMfI

Résumé

TLDRThe video explores attachment theory, which posits that childhood experiences shape adult romantic relationships. Developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, the theory identifies three attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Securely attached individuals have consistent parenting and manage relationships well, while anxious individuals may demand more affection due to inconsistent parenting, and avoidant individuals may prefer independence. The video highlights the importance of touch in relationships, noting its physiological benefits and how it can enhance relationship quality. Understanding one's attachment style can help improve relationship dynamics and foster healthier connections.

A retenir

  • 🧠 Attachment theory explains how childhood shapes adult relationships.
  • 👶 Secure attachment leads to stable and healthy relationships.
  • 😟 Anxious attachment results in clingy behavior and need for reassurance.
  • 🚫 Avoidant attachment leads to preference for independence and less touch.
  • 🤝 Touch is crucial for emotional connection and relationship quality.
  • 💔 Anxious and avoidant pairings can create relationship challenges.
  • 🔍 Understanding your attachment style can improve relationship dynamics.
  • 💞 Touch has physiological benefits, even for avoidant individuals.
  • 📊 Consistent parenting fosters secure attachment in children.
  • 💡 Awareness of attachment styles can lead to healthier relationships.

Chronologie

  • 00:00:00 - 00:04:39

    The video discusses attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, which explains how childhood experiences shape adult relationships. It highlights the impact of parental relationships on emotional needs, categorizing attachment styles into secure, anxious, and avoidant. Securely attached individuals typically had consistent parenting, while anxious individuals may have experienced inconsistent attention, leading to clinginess. Avoidant individuals often lacked attention and became self-sufficient. These early relationships create mental models that influence adult romantic expectations and behaviors, including the importance of physical touch in conveying affection and improving relationship quality. The video emphasizes the physiological benefits of touch, even for those with avoidant tendencies, and suggests that understanding one's attachment style can enhance relationship dynamics.

Carte mentale

Vidéo Q&R

  • What is attachment theory?

    Attachment theory explains how childhood relationships with parents influence adult romantic relationships.

  • Who developed attachment theory?

    Attachment theory was developed by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.

  • What are the three attachment styles?

    The three attachment styles are secure, anxious, and avoidant.

  • How does touch affect relationships?

    Touch can enhance relationship quality, making individuals feel closer and more understood.

  • Can understanding attachment styles improve relationships?

    Yes, being aware of your attachment style can help recognize the dynamics of a good relationship.

  • What are the effects of inconsistent parenting?

    Inconsistent parenting can lead to anxious attachment, where individuals demand more affection.

  • What is the impact of secure attachment?

    Securely attached individuals tend to have stable relationships and know when to seek or give space.

  • How do avoidant individuals behave in relationships?

    Avoidant individuals may prefer less touch and can be content with their own company.

  • What are the physiological benefits of touch?

    Touch from a partner can provide comfort and reduce psychological distress.

  • Why might anxious and avoidant individuals struggle in relationships?

    Anxious individuals seek reassurance while avoidant individuals prefer distance, creating conflict.

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  • 00:00:00
    the reason that some people demand
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    attention while others are happier by
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    themselves reveals a little about the
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    inner workings of the romantic social
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    and parental relationships we form
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    according to attachment theory our
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    childhood shapes how we seek affection
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    as adults
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    first developed by the psychologist john
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    bolby and mary ainsworth attachment
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    theory has its roots in post-war britain
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    during the war some children were
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    separated from their parents and
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    evacuated to the countryside where they
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    would be raised temporarily by another
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    family in more secure surroundings
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    bobby and ainsworth noticed that some
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    children reacted to the separation
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    better than others
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    in some cases the children were very
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    clingy and reluctant to be separated
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    from their parents
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    others while sad were a little more
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    upbeat and some didn't seem upset at all
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    building on each other's work they
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    realized that the relationships we have
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    with our parents can have profound
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    consequences on the relationships we
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    form as adults on the one hand some
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    people seem to be very steady in their
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    relationships
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    they know when and where to seek
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    affection and when and where to give
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    their partner space
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    these people are described as being
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    securely attached they likely had very
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    consistent parenting as children with
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    clear boundaries and regular affection
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    this is the group to which most people
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    belong there are two more attachment
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    types according to the theory anxious
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    and avoidant
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    someone who has attachment anxiety might
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    show the clingy behavior of one of the
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    children that bolby and ainsworth
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    studied
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    these children according to the theory
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    might have had inconsistent parenting
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    sometimes present and sometimes absent
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    because the children could not predict
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    when and where they would receive
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    attention they would make more demands
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    for affection
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    the last type is attachment avoidance
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    these children were probably not shown
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    very much attention and as a result were
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    happy to amuse themselves in the absence
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    of their parents
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    for the evacuees these children might
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    have cope best with separation
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    these very early
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    relationships that we have give rise to
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    these mental models that carry forward
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    throughout the rest of our lives
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    and they play a large role in the
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    expectations that we have about the
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    availability of our romantic partners
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    and about our love worthiness and our
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    adult romantic relationships
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    we communicate affection and attention
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    both verbally and non-verbally through
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    actions like touch
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    we might have an innate need for close
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    physical contact from birth says
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    carmichael a parent can sue their baby
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    by picking them up the baby is reassured
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    that the parent is nearby and protecting
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    them
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    this was proposed by ainsworth following
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    her research on children
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    there's been research that's done where
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    you know people are asked to convey an
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    emotion um where you can't physically
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    see them but they're just doing it by
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    touching using their hands to touch you
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    and people can convey emotion touch is a
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    really powerful way to sort of share
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    what we're feeling and let people know
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    what's happening emotionally
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    carmichael found that when people
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    receive more touch from their partner
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    they tend to say their relationship
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    quality is higher they feel closer they
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    feel more understood and cared for
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    and they feel like their relationship is
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    better
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    you know we don't need the same things
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    as infants do but there are
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    physiological benefits associated with
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    receiving touch there is evidence that
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    suggests that touch from a romantic
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    partner when
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    someone is experiencing psychological
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    distress has physiological benefits
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    carl michael says that those benefits
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    apply to everyone even avoidant people
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    who might say that they need less touch
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    than others it might be the case that
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    those avoidant people only like to
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    receive touch in certain settings and
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    when they get it they benefit from it so
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    although our touch seeking strategies as
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    adults might differ based on our
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    experiences as children the need for
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    touch might be near universal but there
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    are some differences that are worth
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    noting
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    particular combinations are not great so
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    two anxious people together may not be
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    greater an anxious person with an
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    avoidant person so an anxious person who
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    needs a lot of reassurance um in a
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    relationship with an avoidant person who
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    likes to kind of keep things at arm's
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    length not a great combination
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    being aware of your attachment style and
  • 00:04:18
    understanding your predispositions might
  • 00:04:20
    help you to recognize the science of a
  • 00:04:23
    good relationship
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    you
Tags
  • attachment theory
  • John Bowlby
  • Mary Ainsworth
  • secure attachment
  • anxious attachment
  • avoidant attachment
  • childhood experiences
  • romantic relationships
  • importance of touch
  • relationship dynamics