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all right guys welcome back to the
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channel um i figured in this video i
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would address
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uh basically the elephant in the room i
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know you guys probably
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are wondering where the hell i've been
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um how i've been
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all that kind of stuff because my
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content has been very very
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um i guess scarce and it's been
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just really really poor quality as far
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as what i usually do and what you guys
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have seen in the past couple years when
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i was really trying to
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push the channel as far as my guitar
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covers and
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just videos where i'm talking to you
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guys and all that kind of stuff and
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i know that [ __ ] has basically dried up
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disappeared
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well there's a reason for all of this
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and i'm gonna get i'm gonna explain
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everything in this video to you guys as
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much as i possibly can i mean
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there's going to be a lot over the
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course of time to continue to go over
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with you guys as i improve my health
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because that's what this video is about
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i have a current health situation that i
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am addressing and
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i just want to basically bring you guys
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up to date with what's going on with me
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because i have
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i've been pretty much dormant i've been
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living under a rock um
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and i think it'd be very fair to you
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guys to know what's going on so that's
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what this video is going to be about
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so um i guess i could start from
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uh recent events i mean within the past
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six seven months
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uh i have not felt like myself at all
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um it's just been a slow i guess
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progression towards
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just bottoming out as far as the way i
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feel and
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just being aware that things are not
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right
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i'm always depressed always fatigued
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short-term memory loss difficulty
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like paying attention and retaining
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information
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uh my sleep has been greatly disturbed
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i've been i've been pretty much i've had
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sleep problems
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pretty much my whole life but it's just
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gotten worse
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as uh like the pet within the past
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you know six months to a couple years i
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think uh
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a lot of it has to do with um
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the fact that when i was competing and
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getting ready for contests um
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each time that i had to bounce back out
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of a diet
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i could i i can remember as i think back
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to it
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just never quite felt the same or it
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started to get uh
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even more difficult after i i bounced
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out of uh
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probably the most recent contest
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probably the last two or three that i
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did
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and i've done six shows total but i've
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dieted very very
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strict very hard for long periods of
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time uh
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seven different times and this last one
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was definitely the hardest prep when i
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got my natural pro card in 2017
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that was a 27 week prep and that just
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i think that's what really really did me
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in i kept um the way i was feeling and
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things like that i kept blaming it on
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the weather just other things you know
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the
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the world is not uh such a great place
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right now and um
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just blaming on other things just
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thinking that's it it's
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it's nothing it'll pass over i'll start
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doing better
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but i mean i just everything's gotten so
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worse to where it's like none of this is
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normal
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i mean even when i was going fishing and
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hunting with my dad there was a lot of
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mornings where i just
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i would end up sleeping in i just
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couldn't get up i couldn't get out of
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bed
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a lot of that was my you know
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disturbance of sleep trying to get sleep
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where i would go to bed
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my body would be tired but i just could
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not shut off and relax and go to sleep
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and maybe if i did fall asleep it was a
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short period of time half hour
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you know hour at the most and i would
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wake right right back
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up and i couldn't go back to sleep and
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then i had enough sleeping like the
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whole day away
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so a combination all these different
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things i just for the first time
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in 25 years so 25 years ago when i was
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12 years old
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8th grade was the last time i got my
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blood work done
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and i think i've always been afraid of
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needles afraid of doctors afraid of a
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sight of blood
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like you would think me being a metal
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player and being in a death metal and
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all this kind of stuff that
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you know i would be able to overlook
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that kind of [ __ ] but i've always had a
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really weak stomach with all that stuff
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so i always stayed away from the doctor
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and
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i pretty much told myself throughout the
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course of my life which is up to you
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know today
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current events that unless i thought
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absolutely something was wrong with me
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that was when i was gonna take matters
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into my own hands and see uh
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see what the problem is so i did have my
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blood work done a few
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fridays ago and uh that was the
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beginning of
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february i think we're like almost a
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little bit past the middle of february
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now
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so three weeks ago i had my blood work
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done i went to a walgreens and
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it wasn't a pretty sight i mean when i
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got in there that was the first thing i
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told the lady i said listen
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i've not had my blood work done or seen
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a doctor um
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any of that kind of stuff it's been 25
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years and she had this like puzzled look
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on her face
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i said i'm afraid of needles i'm afraid
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of the unknown like if there's something
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wrong with me i
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pretty much don't want to hear any bad
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news i mean who who wants to ever hear
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bad news if they got some uh
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issues with their health but it's it's
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pushed me so far to this point to where
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i feel like i needed
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i needed uh some answers so she said no
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problem i'll take care of you
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i've been doing this 30 years i was
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already like
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freaking out in my head about this i'm
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like god am i going to pass out again
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you know because that's what happened
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um when i was 12 years old i passed out
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and um
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i woke up and there were like 15 people
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standing around me and
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it was pretty embarrassing but i hear um
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there's some people out there that have
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the same issue i do
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but um so whatever she
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straps the thing on my fricking bicep
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and she's like oh damn you got some
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force
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that was kind of funny but like that
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that didn't calm me down whatsoever i
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know she was trying to be humorous and
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stuff but it was too late i was already
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freaking out
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i saw it like i jumped back and then i
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was actually trying to get out of the
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chair
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and she's like relax relax it'll be fine
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it'll be fine
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so finally i just like i had a little
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quick pep talk myself i said just get
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this [ __ ] out of the way you're gonna
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need this information so
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i just i held my arm out i looked away i
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said just do it just do it
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and i started getting dizzy already and
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then she did it and it ended up feeling
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like um
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i remember when i was younger it i
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thought it hurt like 10 times worse than
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that or actually hurt period because
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when she did it
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i didn't feel nothing but that thought
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was already freaking me out and i
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started getting lightheaded and then i
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said that's it and then after that
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i woke up and um the two ladies were
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picking me up out of the chair because i
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was almost on the ground i started
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sliding out of the chair
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and um they lifted me back up in the
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chair and i had to sit there and
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i was trying to like catch my breath
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because the anxiety and just um how
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tense i got was just so great that it
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was actually closing up my windpipe and
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i couldn't breathe
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so after about uh 10 or 15 minutes
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i started to feel okay i kind of i came
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back to life
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so to speak and uh the lady told me
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she's like i gotta
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i gotta walk you up to the counter um
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you gotta buy some orange juice and you
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just gotta drink it in front of me
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before i can let you go just to make
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sure you're okay
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cause i was as white as a freaking ghost
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and um
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so i did that i went outside
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i sat in my truck i warmed it up i sat
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there for a good 20 minutes half hour
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before i started driving i called my dad
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i told him what happened
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and you know because he's concerned
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obviously about me too
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and um he kind of chuckled a little bit
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because he knew uh how much of a little
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[ __ ] i am when it comes all that stuff
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but
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we had a little laugh and i told him
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what's going on when i'm when i'm
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what i'm doing as far as getting this
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procedure um like just everything
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to start feeling normal again or try to
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get some answers so fast forward a few
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days later
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i end up getting my blood work done or i
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get it back
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so i'm going to share some screenshots
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with you guys so you can see what's
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going on for yourself
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you can see uh you know what my blood
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panel looks like
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so i got a um i got some issues with my
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thyroid
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so i'm on a medication for that my
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testosterone ended up to be
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so my total testosterone was as far as
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numbers go
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they were okay but my uh free
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testosterone was
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the one that was pretty damn low and um
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i think um
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the reason i'm in this boat is just
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because of all the times that i've
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guided for shows i tried to bounce back
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out you know when you're trying to do
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this drug free you're gonna
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i've heard of people that have had some
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uh repercussions from that to where they
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end up
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um depending on how many shows they do
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how they recover this and that how long
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they diet for
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just whatever the level of wear and tear
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is going to be different on everybody
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and for me this is what i think did me
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in this was the final nail in the coffin
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but there's there's um actually other
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people out there that have competed
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and they're on hrt for the rest of their
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life they screwed themselves up
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so i may very well very well may be one
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of those people
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because now that's what i have to do so
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as of yesterday which
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is the 18th of february i had to go on
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testosterone
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as well just to bring myself my levels
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back up
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because things i can't go on like this
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anymore the level of fatigue and
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depression just
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unenthusiasm the [ __ ] going on with my
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brain just my
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overall quality of life has been so
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jeopardized
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and i just can't go on like this anymore
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so i took matters in my own hands i did
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what i had to do
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so now i'm on testosterone and i'm on
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thyroid medication
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just to try to get me to level back out
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and
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you know be able to function uh like a
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normal human being because
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i just i couldn't do this anymore and
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i'm really glad i got my blood work done
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because it
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answered all these questions that i
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would not have known i don't know how
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much longer i could have went on like
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this um so yeah this is what i have to
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do now for
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probably the rest of my life i have to
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be on this thyroid medication at least
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that
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and then i don't know uh how long i
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gotta be on testosterone for but
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i had to do it i had to uh just make
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things right
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and obviously you guys are going to see
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as
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i start making content my enthusiasm and
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everything should
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should pretty much come back you'll see
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the content that i enjoyed making
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um this depression i'll probably walk
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myself right out all this
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and uh the content will just get get
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better again
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like i like i wanted to i mean i miss
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all this [ __ ] i really do
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but just so many days of getting out of
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barely being able to get out of bed it
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would take
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like a half hour just to get get moving
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like my feet hit the ground and i just
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slow as [ __ ] run down just never wanted
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to do anything i was like a beating
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heart
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and just like like no soul i guess as
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what i could say because it was
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miserable i don't know if anybody else
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has gone through this and then they had
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to fix their problems but
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um yeah it's just total misery and this
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has been going on for a long time but
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it's just got so much worse within
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you know the past six months i just i
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couldn't take it anymore
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so i in the process of fixing it i know
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uh
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this shit's only been in my system for
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like a little over a day it's gonna take
00:10:58
a little bit but
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a lot of the weight that i already had
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as far as what was weighing me down that
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was making me
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even more i guess anxious and just
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stressed out from everything was telling
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my dad about what i had to do
00:11:14
um my dad's totally cool with it um
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he took it a lot better than i thought
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because my dad knife
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my dad's everything to me he's my
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biggest inspiration and
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we do everything together we hunt and
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fish i try to spend as much time as
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possible with my dad
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he moved away so he's a little bit
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further it's a little bit harder to see
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him now but
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um if my dad's not okay with [ __ ] i'm
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not okay with stuff so that was
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that was very important to me that he
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took that good and um
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yeah as far as you know weight lifted
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off of me
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um so that's that's out of the way and
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then uh
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obviously making this video because i
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never thought in a million years that i
00:11:52
would have to make this video or like
00:11:53
i'd be one of these people going through
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this this
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problem but it is it is a real situation
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and um
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yeah i'm not the only one who goes
00:12:02
through this it was just uh
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you know after um i competed the last
00:12:07
show i did when i got that pro card i
00:12:10
felt invincible i mean after like a year
00:12:12
or two years
00:12:13
i i started to get pretty uh pretty
00:12:16
overconfident pretty arrogant with it i
00:12:18
was like man i'm such a badass like
00:12:21
i ended up accomplishing something that
00:12:23
very few people can ever talk about i
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mean how many people
00:12:26
have ever trained as long as i have and
00:12:29
never
00:12:29
even cross that line as far as taking
00:12:31
the drugs and all that and then like
00:12:33
most people are getting a bodybuilding
00:12:34
too they uh they want bigger and better
00:12:37
but
00:12:37
to me that was that was totally going
00:12:39
against um
00:12:40
you know the whole concept of being
00:12:42
healthy and having a healthy lifestyle
00:12:44
because that's
00:12:45
totally not it i used to make fun of
00:12:47
guys that took steroids and i'd like
00:12:49
i was starting to put them down for a
00:12:50
while you know after i got that pro card
00:12:52
like i said i got very arrogant with it
00:12:54
i know i did
00:12:55
and uh it's almost like this is coming
00:12:58
back to bite me in the ass
00:12:59
um in a weird kind of way but
00:13:02
it i mean this is a real problem and i
00:13:06
did what i had to do to fix it
00:13:07
so i just figured i'd share this video
00:13:09
with you guys and then um
00:13:11
i think what i could do too if you guys
00:13:13
are interested because this is all brand
00:13:15
new to me
00:13:16
um yeah 23 plus years completely
00:13:19
drug-free never took any fat burners
00:13:21
even like over-the-counter stuff those
00:13:23
sarms and all that
00:13:24
that crap that these young kids take and
00:13:26
they try to push on people
00:13:28
none of that stuff ever always did
00:13:30
everything like all this muscle mass
00:13:32
that i build as far as a bodybuilding
00:13:34
perspective the way i look
00:13:35
has all been 100 done by me it's all
00:13:38
hard work and pure heart
00:13:40
and now you know
00:13:43
i got to do this so this is going to be
00:13:45
i mean
00:13:46
it's going to be noticeable you guys are
00:13:48
going to see this
00:13:50
according to this specialist that uh
00:13:52
that i've been working with he told me
00:13:54
since this is the first time it's a
00:13:56
completely clean body that this
00:13:57
testosterone is going into the little
00:13:59
bit that i am
00:13:59
taking i should put on at least 10 or 15
00:14:03
pounds so that that's like a
00:14:05
added perk as far as yeah i'm gonna feel
00:14:07
better i'm gonna be have a much
00:14:09
higher quality of life but obviously the
00:14:11
side effect is uh
00:14:12
more muscle mass so i can share that
00:14:14
with you guys too on top of
00:14:16
the way i'm feeling and everything and
00:14:18
yeah that would have been
00:14:19
completely noticeable and i'm like i
00:14:21
always told you guys too when you come
00:14:23
to my channel 100
00:14:24
transparent i don't i don't [ __ ]
00:14:26
nobody you know um
00:14:28
so yeah i just want to share all this
00:14:30
information with you guys i think this
00:14:32
will be
00:14:33
a good series of videos if you guys want
00:14:34
to see anything like that the way i'm
00:14:36
feeling and everything like that
00:14:38
just uh drop it in the comments and uh
00:14:40
i'll do what i can to
00:14:42
you know answer some of your questions
00:14:43
and if you guys had to do the same thing
00:14:45
too
00:14:45
just i'd like to read your stories and
00:14:47
see like how you feel and
00:14:49
how you went about everything and it's
00:14:52
always good to uh
00:14:53
you know read some of the comments and
00:14:54
see what you guys have to say i mean for
00:14:56
a while there though
00:14:58
guys probably noticed too that i
00:14:59
disappeared from the comments section
00:15:01
too because i just like
00:15:02
my depression i got got on such a high
00:15:04
level i just didn't want to be
00:15:06
i didn't want to interact with anybody i
00:15:09
didn't want to be around even
00:15:10
in the outside world when i go to the
00:15:11
gym and stuff it's like very
00:15:13
very low interactions with people just
00:15:16
didn't want just miserable i didn't want
00:15:17
to be around anybody i had nothing good
00:15:19
to say
00:15:20
and um yeah i'm totally reversing all
00:15:23
that so
00:15:25
um yeah i appreciate you guys so much
00:15:27
for uh watching this video and
00:15:29
i'll have some more content on the way
00:15:31
as i start to feel better and everything
00:15:33
enjoy these hobbies again you know to
00:15:35
the fullest capacity and
00:15:37
just be full life again i'm really
00:15:38
really excited about it like this is the
00:15:40
next chapter of my life
00:15:42
you know i had a i had a hell of a
00:15:44
legacy as a natural bodybuilder but i
00:15:46
just as far as the way i was feeling
00:15:48
it was a definitely a health concern and
00:15:50
i had to do what i had to do to fix it
00:15:51
so
00:15:52
again i appreciate you guys as always
00:15:54
watching
00:15:55
you guys take care have a good one
