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influence Frameworks are powerful
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Frameworks for getting what you
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want I think the place to start because
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not all Frameworks are simple remember
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how we were talking about there's
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foundational Frameworks there's twostep
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Frameworks and there's 12 step step
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Frameworks right the thing to understand
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is Frameworks all fit within each other
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they fit like nesting dolls like Russian
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nesting dolls so when you
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learn any kind of framework that has to
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do with influence what you also have to
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learn are the sub Frameworks inside of
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it to be able to execute the whole thing
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but the place to really start is
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understand that influence and persuasion
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are not the same
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thing right persuasion is what happens
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when you actively put energy into
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changing someone's mind or getting
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someone to take a certain action with
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active energy influence is what you have
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when you're not talking
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so I can sit here and try to persuade
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you to come with me to
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dinner but that's not influence that's
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persuasion influence is what happens
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when something happens in the world and
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I'm the one that comes into your mind
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and you're like I wonder what Andy
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thinks about that which probably doesn't
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happen but one day hopefully it will
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happen if I gain enough influence right
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that's the difference persuasion takes
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energy influence is passive it doesn't
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happen it takes a lot of experience it
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takes a lot of Engagement it takes a lot
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of assessment Energy Trust it takes a
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lot of effort to get someone to a place
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where you have influence over them but
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there's a framework for that there are
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Frameworks and Frameworks within
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Frameworks that I'm happy to teach if
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you want to go through those yeah
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whatever you think is most useful for me
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in my
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audience so I'll start with this I'll
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start at the lowest possible place right
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and the lowest possible place if you if
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you think of influence up here as a
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umbrella there's a sub framework inside
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of that umbrella and then there's a
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third inside of that so we're going to
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start with that one first and grow and
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that framework is something called sense
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making because if I want to influence
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you or if you want to influence me we
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have to make sense of the dynamic of our
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relationship meaning one of us has to be
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in power and one of us has to comply
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with the other person's power that's the
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whole goal of sense making so that's why
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we we are starting at that
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framework inside of sense Mak if you
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imagine it like a cup
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right sense making is like a cylinder
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and just like you fill a cup with water
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you'll fill this cylinder with scents
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the bottom third of the cup is what we
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call avoidance that's where every
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relationship starts every time you meet
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a new person you try to avoid that
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person it's the first thought you have
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even if you don't want to admit it no
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I'll admit
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it no that's very much the nature of my
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life that's the nature of every that's
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human nature we avoid what's new so the
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first third is avoidance so you've got
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to fill the water you've got to fill the
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relationship you have to put enough time
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and energy into the relationship to get
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past the bottom third now you're making
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sense the next third is called
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competition competition is all about the
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exchange of information the exchange of
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ideas the exchange of energy because in
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an exchange you're building a relation
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reltionship even if you're arguing even
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if you disagree even if you hate the
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other person and you're yelling in their
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face you're still investing energy into
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that person whereas if you really didn't
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care about them you would just avoid
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them all
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together the last third is called
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compliance the whole reason that you
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compete is to have someone come out with
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compliance and compliance is the part
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where the power Dynamic is is identified
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right so we've invested so much time in
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competition that now we're not arguing
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and fighting anymore now we're starting
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to make sense of our relationship you've
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heard the phrase we'll just agree to
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disagree essentially that is the top of
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the sense making cylinder you've filled
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the cup and where you land at the end is
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we'll just agree to disagree which is
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kind of a mutual understanding of each
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other's position on whatever it was that
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you were competing over but you're still
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a unit you've still invested into a
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relationship ship so sense making is
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filling that first cup because now what
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we know at the conclusion of this phase
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is that we're in this together I've
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poured water in you've poured water in
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and if there's anything that human
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beings hate to do it's waste their
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energy so I've put all this energy into
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you you've put all this energy into me
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and now we have a dynamic between
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us from once there's sense once we
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understand and remember this is if we
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agree to disagree then that's we've made
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sense of our relationship as Mutual
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peers on this particular topic
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politics that doesn't mean that we're
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Mutual peers in terms of conversations
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about family or conversations about
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business or conversations about you name
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it exercise right but we have a
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relationship enough that now we can talk
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about those other things so if I want to
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build influence or if you want to build
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influence the first thing we have to do
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is not let people avoid us we have to
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get past the
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avoidance and then we have to compete
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with them to get them to invest their
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time and energy into to our relationship
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and then we have to get to a place where
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there's some sort of compliance even if
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it's only the compliance to sit and
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listen to me when I share my opinion
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that you already know you're going to
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disagree with that's still compliance
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that's the foundational framework that
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feeds up into a secondary framework that
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we call no like
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trust no like trust is something that
00:05:51
actually exists in the social media
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World which was a really awesome
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surprise to me to find it there
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um klt no like trust starts with
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Discovery if you don't know something
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exists you can never like it because you
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don't even know it exists once you know
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something exists you have to decide
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whether or not you like it well how do
00:06:12
you decide whether or not you like it
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through this this avoidance competition
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compliance sense making process because
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as soon as you discover something new
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it's new so guess what you try to do
00:06:23
avoid it you see what I'm saying so
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after you get through the end of the
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compliance phase of of sense making
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you're basically you like whatever it is
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or whoever it is that you're dealing
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with maybe you don't like them like
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they're your best friend but you've
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invested all this time and energy into
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them so you do like them the secret
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sauce at CIA that we know that most
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people don't understand is that you
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don't have to like something a lot
00:06:53
before you start to trust it you've
00:06:56
heard the term falling in love there's
00:06:58
also a very
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term called falling into trust you just
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spend enough time long enough and what
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happens is without even realizing it you
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start to trust the person that you're
00:07:09
with that is the beginning of
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influence even if I'm wrong even if you
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disagree with me every step of the way
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even if the only thing you like about me
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is going out and having a pint on Friday
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night where we debate and argue and
00:07:25
[ __ ] at each other about politics you
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still like Friday night
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going to the bar and sharing a pint with
00:07:32
me you still like hanging out with me
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when we watch our two different soccer
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teams play or football teams play so
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because you like me enough to be with me
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there will come a time where I win your
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trust in some in some area maybe it's
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trust because I'm the only person who
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drinks with you so in a moment you
00:07:53
decide to tell me about how much you
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hate your boss and now I'm the only one
00:07:55
that knows you actually hate your boss
00:07:57
whatever it might be you will fall into
00:07:58
trust we all in the trust it's one of
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the things that that's natural to human
00:08:02
beings that we hate about ourselves is
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we trust the wrong people it happens to
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all of us so someone can trust you in
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terms of influence even if they don't
00:08:11
like you correct because they will be
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invested enough into you that they
00:08:16
believe something is predictable think
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about somebody that you don't like think
00:08:20
about somebody you really really don't
00:08:21
like yeah are there still things about
00:08:24
them that you would trust them to
00:08:25
do maybe not things they would do for
00:08:28
you but there are certain things that
00:08:30
you would trust that they would do I
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already know that person's going to you
00:08:34
know say something stupid to my kid I
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already trust that that person is going
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to put their garbage can at the end of
00:08:39
my driveway so it's it's fascinating
00:08:41
because we usually think of trust as
00:08:43
only being a positive term trust is an
00:08:47
ambiguous it's it's a it's a uh it is an
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agnostic term it doesn't mean good
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things or bad things it just means a
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predictable outcome
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[Applause]
00:09:01
Freedom a
00:09:03
fresh freedom
